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  1. #1
    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Exclamation What's up with women and polygyny?

    http://organicmuslimah.blogspot.se/2...rue-story.html


    Basically, some comments are truly disgusting:

    "It is cheating when it is done so dishonestly without your consent! I feel for you dear sister. Sending you love, hugs and peace."


    "Really saddened by your story.

    Polygamy is cheating, especially in your situation as there was no consent. It actually went on for 6 months, if not more, behind your back.

    It seems that your husband has done irreversible damage to your relationship. Children can always sense problems between their parents. Be the strong woman you are and make a decision for yourself. Your children will be damaged more by watching the damaged marriage of their parents.

    And don't let anyone give you an Islamic justification for this. The context is never understood and the bottom line is, it isn't easing your pain.

    Lots of duas for you."


    I don't get this, Polygyny is a sunnah, our Prophet practiced it and many of his companions did it too, why is it so hard for women to accept it?

    Please explain, because where I come from, polygyny is common and monogamy is common, and usually, co wives over there become friends, they don't go crazy if a man marries a second, third or the fourth time, it's normal and nobody cares. I've been raised with relatives in my family who have second wives, so maybe it's harder for me to understand why it's such a big problem?


    Can someone please clarify this for me?

    (I will probably get no replies but it's worth a shot)

  2. #2
    جبريل -Jibril-'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    They not keen on sharing.
    There is rest only in the aakhira.
    Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.
    - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -


    If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
    and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
    then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.
    - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -


  3. #3
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Maybe where you come from it's normal. But I think for sisters from the west especially, it will be really hard to accept because that's not the norm here and it's not what is expected.

    Men, just marry one. Otherwise, you're probably going to have a very unhappy polygamous marriage. Just saying.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    It's not the norm, people don't want to do it and they have every right not to. I certainly wouldn't want any parts of that.

  5. #5
    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
    Maybe where you come from it's normal. But I think for sisters from the west especially, it will be really hard to accept because that's not the norm here and it's not what is expected.

    Men, just marry one. Otherwise, you're probably going to have a very unhappy polygamous marriage. Just saying.
    So it's because they are not used to it? Okay, but do they give it a try if their husbands do come up to them and say that they want to re marry or already have married another women? I don't live in the west so I don't know what's its like there.

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    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by qwerty8909 View Post
    It's not the norm, people don't want to do it and they have every right not to. I certainly wouldn't want any parts of that.
    Okay, thanks for sharing your thoughts, although I have a difficult time understanding them.

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    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by -Jibril- View Post
    They not keen on sharing.
    Even if they know how much reward they can get out of it if its practiced properly?

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    ᕙ(ಠ益ರೃ)ᕗ Maghrebia00's Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Alhamdulillah* View Post
    So it's because they are not used to it? Okay, but do they give it a try if their husbands do come up to them and say that they want to re marry or already have married another women? I don't live in the west so I don't know what's its like there.
    In the west... Would he not be just... Idk someone correct me but when you marry someone they will be considered as your legal partner and you get legal rights whereas second wife will not...

    Unless there is another way around it?
    Bye...

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Alhamdulillah* View Post
    So it's because they are not used to it? Okay, but do they give it a try if their husbands do come up to them and say that they want to re marry or already have married another women? I don't live in the west so I don't know what's its like there.
    It's illegal here as well and you may face prison time. Plus guys in the west don't really think about polygamy like the ones in the Middle East do, because they know they will be judged harshly for it. I believe if you want to do it..then do it. But if you don't that should be ok too.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Alhamdulillah* View Post
    So it's because they are not used to it? Okay, but do they give it a try if their husbands do come up to them and say that they want to re marry or already have married another women? I don't live in the west so I don't know what's its like there.
    Personally, I don't know anyone who's been in this situation. But polygamy is not the norm here at all. It would be as if he brought home an ugly looking sofa, except 10 times worse.
    Where do you live?

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    lol i aint sharing my husband and inshallah he will have no plans for a second either(that is when Allah blesses me with one) and in my family its very rare a few cases happened and the first wife left him.Moral of the story all this should be discussed before marriage then there wont be any problems later

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    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by starlight89 View Post
    lol i aint sharing my husband and inshallah he will have no plans for a second either(that is when Allah blesses me with one) and in my family its very rare a few cases happened and the first wife left him.Moral of the story all this should be discussed before marriage then there wont be any problems later
    May Allah bless you with a pious husband! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I do agree with that it should be discussed before marriage, but if a husband wants to re marry then the wife, if she knows he will be just, she try it out, but that's my view and others a free to have theirs.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    western educated women are very




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    جبريل -Jibril-'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Hence why we have men that marry 2nd wives in secret.
    There is rest only in the aakhira.
    Man will rest in the aakhira according to how hard he strives in dunya.
    - Khaalid Ibn Al Waleed (ra) -


    If you find yourself in a time where speech is regarded as knowledge,
    and knowledge is regarded as deeds,
    then you are in the worst of times, with the worst of people.
    - Abu Hazim Al Ashja'i (ra) -


  15. #15
    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by qwerty8909 View Post
    It's illegal here as well and you may face prison time. Plus guys in the west don't really think about polygamy like the ones in the Middle East do, because they know they will be judged harshly for it. I believe if you want to do it..then do it. But if you don't that should be ok too.
    So It's very uncommon over there and the muslim men like to have a monogamous relationship, I guess the sisters who don't want to share their husbands are happy then lol.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by noobz View Post
    western educated women are very
    I dont know where you live but in my experience western women are much more open to this than say south asian women

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Alhamdulillah* View Post
    http://organicmuslimah.blogspot.se/2...rue-story.html


    Basically, some comments are truly disgusting:

    "It is cheating when it is done so dishonestly without your consent! I feel for you dear sister. Sending you love, hugs and peace."


    "Really saddened by your story.

    Polygamy is cheating, especially in your situation as there was no consent. It actually went on for 6 months, if not more, behind your back.

    It seems that your husband has done irreversible damage to your relationship. Children can always sense problems between their parents. Be the strong woman you are and make a decision for yourself. Your children will be damaged more by watching the damaged marriage of their parents.

    And don't let anyone give you an Islamic justification for this. The context is never understood and the bottom line is, it isn't easing your pain.

    Lots of duas for you."


    I don't get this, Polygyny is a sunnah, our Prophet practiced it and many of his companions did it too, why is it so hard for women to accept it?

    Please explain, because where I come from, polygyny is common and monogamy is common, and usually, co wives over there become friends, they don't go crazy if a man marries a second, third or the fourth time, it's normal and nobody cares. I've been raised with relatives in my family who have second wives, so maybe it's harder for me to understand why it's such a big problem?


    Can someone please clarify this for me?

    (I will probably get no replies but it's worth a shot)
    I've noticed that this isn't about whether one is in the west or the east as even the women back home where my parents are from are very jealous as well.

    Sister it boils down to jealousy, anxiety, hurt and women witnessing other men going about polygamy the wrong way therefore they do not have an understanding of how a true polygamous marriage should be.

    You need to understand that not many women in this world are going to be jumping up and down at the prospect of their husbands taking on a second wife. This isn't about "accepting" as you put it, but about dealing with the strong emotions that come with being in a polygamous marriage.

    Honestly, there are too many threads about sisters about polygamy and it causes more fitnah than needed.

    I think this should answer your question as to why women find it hard and there is no point asking sisters why they would feel a certain way:

    Praise be to Allaah.

    A woman’s jealousy concerning her husband is something that is innate and natural, and you cannot tell a woman, “Do not feel jealous over your husband.” If a person dislikes something even though it is prescribed in sharee’ah, that does not adversely affect him, so long as he does not hate the fact that it is prescribed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Jihaad (holy fighting in Allaah’s Cause) is ordained for you (Muslims) though you dislike it, and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you…” [al-Baqarah 2:216]

    The woman who feels jealous does not hate the fact that Allaah has allowed her husband to marry more than one woman, but she hates to have a co-wife. There is an obvious difference between the two matters. Hence I hope that the brother who has asked this question, and other people, will think carefully about matters and not rush to judgement; I hope that that they will recognize the subtle differences whereby rulings differ.


    From the fatwas of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen for al-Da’wah magazine
    Last edited by umm aiman123; 03-07-13 at 04:31 PM.

  18. #18
    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
    Personally, I don't know anyone who's been in this situation. But polygamy is not the norm here at all. It would be as if he brought home an ugly looking sofa, except 10 times worse.
    Where do you live?
    I currently live in Scandinavia, but will move soon if Allah wills. So, the muslim women would be very shocked then? I honestly wouldn't blame them if it's very uncommon.

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    ✿◠‿◠ *aisha*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by qwerty8909 View Post
    It's not the norm, people don't want to do it and they have every right not to. I certainly wouldn't want any parts of that.
    normal or not it doesn't matter. islam is islam no matter what the current trend is

  20. #20
    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by umm aiman123 View Post
    I've noticed that this isn't about whether one is in the west or the east as even the women back home where my parents are from are very jealous as well.

    Sister it boils down to jealousy, anxiety, hurt and women witnessing other men going about polygamy the wrong way therefore they do not have an understanding of how a true polygamous marriage should be.

    You need to understand that not many women in this world are going to be jumping up and down at the prospect of their husbands taking on a second wife. This isn't about "accepting" as you put it, but about dealing with the strong emotions that come with being in a polygamous marriage.

    Honestly, there are too many threads about sisters about polygamy and it causes more fitnah than needed.

    Praise be to Allaah.

    A woman’s jealousy concerning her husband is something that is innate and natural, and you cannot tell a woman, “Do not feel jealous over your husband.” If a person dislikes something even though it is prescribed in sharee’ah, that does not adversely affect him, so long as he does not hate the fact that it is prescribed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Jihaad (holy fighting in Allaah’s Cause) is ordained for you (Muslims) though you dislike it, and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you…” [al-Baqarah 2:216]

    The woman who feels jealous does not hate the fact that Allaah has allowed her husband to marry more than one woman, but she hates to have a co-wife. There is an obvious difference between the two matters. Hence I hope that the brother who has asked this question, and other people, will think carefully about matters and not rush to judgement; I hope that that they will recognize the subtle differences whereby rulings differ.


    From the fatwas of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen for al-Da’wah magazine

    I think this answers your question as to why some women find it hard.
    I never expect women to be happy over it lol, that would be kind of weird. I'm talking about a man who will just between them, not some ignorant man who can't give them their rights.

    Of course a woman will feel jealous, even though where I come from, the women barely feel jealous of each other i dunno why, but I get it. To deny that is stupid.

    Since I've been raised to think like the women from where I come from, i have a hard time to understand why it's so hard. So I'm thankful for these explanations.

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    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Aisha View Post
    normal or not it doesn't matter. islam is islam no matter what the current trend is
    Agree, but she only explained why women have a hard time with it, many people are not used to it and that's probably why they don't want to do it.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Alhamdulillah* View Post
    http://organicmuslimah.blogspot.se/2...rue-story.html


    Basically, some comments are truly disgusting:

    "It is cheating when it is done so dishonestly without your consent! I feel for you dear sister. Sending you love, hugs and peace."


    "Really saddened by your story.

    Polygamy is cheating, especially in your situation as there was no consent. It actually went on for 6 months, if not more, behind your back.

    It seems that your husband has done irreversible damage to your relationship. Children can always sense problems between their parents. Be the strong woman you are and make a decision for yourself. Your children will be damaged more by watching the damaged marriage of their parents.

    And don't let anyone give you an Islamic justification for this. The context is never understood and the bottom line is, it isn't easing your pain.

    Lots of duas for you."


    I don't get this, Polygyny is a sunnah, our Prophet practiced it and many of his companions did it too, why is it so hard for women to accept it?

    Please explain, because where I come from, polygyny is common and monogamy is common, and usually, co wives over there become friends, they don't go crazy if a man marries a second, third or the fourth time, it's normal and nobody cares. I've been raised with relatives in my family who have second wives, so maybe it's harder for me to understand why it's such a big problem?


    Can someone please clarify this for me?

    (I will probably get no replies but it's worth a shot)
    Of course you will, it's a polygamy thread isn't it?!
    GOT TO PASS THE TEST

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    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by Maghrebia00 View Post
    In the west... Would he not be just... Idk someone correct me but when you marry someone they will be considered as your legal partner and you get legal rights whereas second wife will not...

    Unless there is another way around it?
    so the men who do practice polygyny in the west usually don't give the wives their rights? Astaghfurallah

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    I am never going to put in my contract a clause that says I can't marry another. That doesn't necessarily mean though I will go ahead and marry another. I don't know what my priority will be 10 years from now.
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

    Lost in Islamic History

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    اتقوا الله‎ *Alhamdulillah*'s Avatar
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by Strive View Post
    Of course you will, it's a polygamy thread isn't it?!
    It's not a debate, I only wanted to see other views for once, so that's why i didn't expect any replies, but I got them Alhamdulillah.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by samin62 View Post
    I am never going to put in my contract a clause that says I can't marry another. That doesn't necessarily mean though I will go ahead and marry another. I don't know what my priority will be 10 years from now.
    Okay, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Polygamy marriages are rare around here. Its usually immigrants or poor people that act like that. And you said polygamy is sunnah,by that logic younger men marrying older women is sunnah too. If you want to marry a lot of girls just do it, but dont say its sunnah and mistreat them after. And what reason would men have for marrying another woman anyway other than the obvious if anything its more stress upon your shoulders...but different strokes for different folks, i guess.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    i think it comes down to why the guy wants another wife. I mean if its because his first wife can't get pregnant then a second wife is needed. If he and his first wife no longer love each other but don't want to get a divorce then a second wife is an option. But if just wants another wife because his first wife aint doing it for him no ore then that to me is a problem..

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by ksaid037 View Post
    Polygamy marriages are rare around here. Its usually immigrants or poor people that act like that. And you said polygamy is sunnah,by that logic younger men marrying older women is sunnah too. If you want to marry a lot of girls just do it, but dont say its sunnah and mistreat them after. And what reason would men have for marrying another woman anyway other than the obvious if anything its more stress upon your shoulders...but different strokes for different folks, i guess.
    Umm, I'm a sister, so I don't want to marry 'many a lot of girls', I just have a hard time understanding why some muslim women act as if its the end of the world because their husband married another women. I thought it was obvious that I talked about men who will be just and kind to them, not me who mistreat their wives audhobillah. I don't know why they marry again, but I don't care.

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by FutureImam View Post
    i think it comes down to why the guy wants another wife. I mean if its because his first wife can't get pregnant then a second wife is needed. If he and his first wife no longer love each other but don't want to get a divorce then a second wife is an option. But if just wants another wife because his first wife aint doing it for him no ore then that to me is a problem..
    So, if a man married another women based on that she is pious, would it be easier for the first wife? Or if he married her because she had a hard time finding someone? Would it be easier then?

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by samin62 View Post
    I am never going to put in my contract a clause that says I can't marry another. That doesn't necessarily mean though I will go ahead and marry another. I don't know what my priority will be 10 years from now.
    changing diapers.




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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by starlight89 View Post
    I dont know where you live but in my experience western women are much more open to this than say south asian women
    western women are open , really?

    its usually the western educated and bred women who go all kuk over this issue .... yes , south asian women also since most of them are addicted to bollywood movies and imagine dancing scenes after their marriage ...

    1 should marry a woman who understands the deen and doesnt waste her time with bs arguments when there isnt any ..

    same goes for the women .




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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by noobz View Post
    western educated women are very
    whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by -jibril- View Post
    they not keen on sharing.
    *mine!*
    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by Strive View Post
    Of course you will, it's a polygamy thread isn't it?!
    lolllllllllllllllllers
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    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

  36. #36
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by noobz View Post
    western women are open , really?

    its usually the western educated and bred women who go all kuk over this issue .... yes , south asian women also since most of them are addicted to bollywood movies and imagine dancing scenes after their marriage ...

    1 should marry a woman who understands the deen and doesnt waste her time with bs arguments when there isnt any ..

    same goes for the women .
    It's got nothing to do with location. Women back home are just as jealous if not worse sometimes.

    Overall,women are by nature jealous and it really is simple as that. They don't want to have a co wife. That does not mean that they have issues with polygamy in principle so please differentiate the difference.

    It is illogical to assume that woman should not be jealous therefore this thread in a way is pointless and so is your argument. It doesn't have anything to do with bollywood or western brainwashing as you like to blame.

  37. #37
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    ting is western women are so independant these days they can kick up a fuss

    the eastern woman may also be angry, jealous but has nowhere to go so cries quietly into her pillow while clutching her teddy bear << tryna paint a picture for u guys
    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

  38. #38
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Alhamdulillah* View Post
    http://organicmuslimah.blogspot.se/2...rue-story.html


    Basically, some comments are truly disgusting:

    "It is cheating when it is done so dishonestly without your consent! I feel for you dear sister. Sending you love, hugs and peace."


    "Really saddened by your story.

    Polygamy is cheating, especially in your situation as there was no consent. It actually went on for 6 months, if not more, behind your back.

    It seems that your husband has done irreversible damage to your relationship. Children can always sense problems between their parents. Be the strong woman you are and make a decision for yourself. Your children will be damaged more by watching the damaged marriage of their parents.

    And don't let anyone give you an Islamic justification for this. The context is never understood and the bottom line is, it isn't easing your pain.

    Lots of duas for you."


    I don't get this, Polygyny is a sunnah, our Prophet practiced it and many of his companions did it too, why is it so hard for women to accept it?

    Please explain, because where I come from, polygyny is common and monogamy is common, and usually, co wives over there become friends, they don't go crazy if a man marries a second, third or the fourth time, it's normal and nobody cares. I've been raised with relatives in my family who have second wives, so maybe it's harder for me to understand why it's such a big problem?


    Can someone please clarify this for me?

    (I will probably get no replies but it's worth a shot)
    I wish I could clarify it for you, but I don't understand what the big issue is, either. I'm in the "normal and nobody cares" category. Looking through the replies here, I'm not surprised. Oh well, everyone is responsible for their own words and behavior.
    Last edited by Sister_2009; 03-07-13 at 05:56 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by *Alhamdulillah* View Post
    Umm, I'm a sister, so I don't want to marry 'many a lot of girls', I just have a hard time understanding why some muslim women act as if its the end of the world because their husband married another women. I thought it was obvious that I talked about men who will be just and kind to them, not me who mistreat their wives audhobillah. I don't know why they marry again, but I don't care.
    I wasn't talking about you..

  40. #40
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    Re: What's up with women and polygyny?

    Quote Originally Posted by umm aiman123 View Post
    It's got nothing to do with location. Women back home are just as jealous if not worse sometimes.

    Overall,women are by nature jealous and it really is simple as that. They don't want to have a co wife. That does not mean that they have issues with polygamy in principle so please differentiate the difference.

    It is illogical to assume that woman should not be jealous therefore this thread in a way is pointless and so is your argument. It doesn't have anything to do with bollywood or western brainwashing as you like to blame.
    As I explained before, jealousy is natural, I never said anything against it. I made this thread to understand other views cause girls i know have come up to me and thought polygyny is weird and disgusting, and also said that they don't care if Allah has legislated it, they think its wrong. But I explained the concept of polygyny so by the grace of Allah she accepted it and understood that its a part of Islam. People think it's weird that I have family members who practice polygyny, so I'm sorry if I want to understand why women (because most of them were girls) think like this.


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