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LIVE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS with Abu Mus'ab Thursday 20th November 2014 @ 8:30PM GMT (UK Time) skype: ummahradio Show Details here

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  1. #1
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    Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    I am very surprised to know that one of brother, who I think is really pious. He always posts article about Islam. He oftenly joins Islamic lecture. He even joins in one Islamic party. He is getting married to a muslimah, of course. But what I am wondering is that that sister does not wear proper hijab. Her scarf does not cover her chest. She even still wears tight clothes and still does make up. She is beautiful, indeed. To be honest, I am questioning the Iman level of this brother. I am only trying to give an example, that this phenomenon does happen. There are many pious and practicing men out there who turn out that they are attracted to only the physical attributes of their wife to be. Sometimes, brother who is not pretty pious, or practicing, is longing for a pious muslimah instead. Is that what is called opposite attraction? I am just afraid that many pious single muslimah will be difficult to find pious husband, because of the preferences of those "pious men". Just kidding

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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    I'd be getting into endless arguments if I had a wife dressed in such a manner because it would make me question where her heart is in the Deen is which would only bring unrest in my heart. A spouse is suppose to bring peace to your heart, this kind of women would far from bring any peace to my heart. That being said she may still be a good Muslimah in other aspect Allahu 'Alim but I personally will judge a women by her modesty because she may say she does everything a muslim does but there is some sort of pride in her saying she is not required to observe modesty because she does the rest and that is not enough for me..

  3. #3
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    beauty is in the eye of the beholder
    some 'pious men' think that a woman that is uncovered and wears tight clothes and make up is attractive
    some 'pious men' think that a woman covered from head to toe is attractive
    i think their wrong in both sitiuations they should look at the beauty of the heart and not looks, and deen ofcourse

    for example the uncoverd woman might be a good muslimah , she practices and prays and does dua and dhikr but she doesnt wear the scarf ofcourse im fully aware that a good muslimah is one that follows ALL the rules in islam but may the brother marrying her wants to marry her so that he may guide onto the right path and help her improve in her deen so he can make her a better muslimah

    while the full covered woman doesn't pray, or do dhikr or any of that so she hids behind her veil, and little did the brother that is taking her know but he thinks 'oh well she a niqabi she's fully covered she must be pious and practacing' no thats's not always the deal

    in reality people shouldn't be judged based on their looks but on their deen and the beauty of their hearts

  4. #4
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Maybe that's what he wants in a wife even though he appears deeni. People often arent what they appear to be
    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Do you know what she is beyond her appearance? Do you as well know how pious this man is beyond what you see? Sometimes appearance can be very deceiving. Besides, if they do end marrying, it was allah's plan remember that. And just to reassure you, there are more than enough pious men for pious sisters.
    Last edited by Bismiliah; 20-05-13 at 09:27 AM.

  6. #6
    Odan Plumeria's Avatar
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    That's what I was going to say, who knows how that couple really is behind closed doors? Allahu alim, that girl who appears to be unconvered and immodest probably has better deen than all of us. Outward appearance isn't always everything. One can't pas a judgement on outward appearance for Allah really knows the hearts of people.

    I'm not accusing you or bashing anyone for expressing an opinion, I just wanted to state a point.

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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    A trait of a munafiq.

    Say or appear as one thing. do another.

    why act suprised over it?

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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Who are you to judge? What if you don't know the whole picture of what's going on?

    Only Allah (swt) knows best.

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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dinobot View Post
    A trait of a munafiq.

    Say or appear as one thing. do another.

    why act suprised over it?
    What if he doesn't appear as one but does other on purpose. What if people assume he is such and such but he has not intention of showing that? I knew a guy that appared pious/practicing/good because he spent his spare time in masjid & seem to have the character of good muslim. But he always claimed he isn't "that good" people assumed he is just being humble. I later found out he has many bad side & hence seeking allah's guidance but he is far from pious. People just assume he is

    Regarding opposite attracts, i have seen this often. Most practicing brother have very good looking wife who isn't as practicin & to be honest they can't help it. Many feel they need to be rewarded for years of holding off. others in arrange route don't get to know a sisters character. They are forced to judge a sister by her look. My own brother, spoke of pious humble girl, but was always attracted to loud mouth, opinionated, full of makeup, in to fashion. His wife was just like that & they had lot of issue on 1st year but now she listens to him & he takes her to islamic event all the time. The mindset many of these brothers have is that they can change the women to be good muslim after marriage. So they dont mind marrying less pious girl.

  10. #10
    ㅏ말 sims's Avatar
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    You are stressing over nothing. Insha'Allah you will find a pious man to marry. Whoever any other brother chooses to marry is their business and has nothing to do with anyone really...
    "I love the righteous, though Iím not one of them,
    Perhaps I will gain their mediation for me.
    And I hate those whose trade is sin,
    Though we may both have the same merchandise!" Imam Al Shafi'i

  11. #11
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    I wouldn't judge based on outer appearance. So many Muslim sisters who wear similar to what you describe promise before the wedding that they will wear proper hijaab afterwards. From there three things happen. Either she gets married, once he's been ensnared, she goes back to her old ways. Or she does wear it for a while, but then reverts back to her old ways when her Imaan dips. Or, she does wear it, and she sticks with it with the blessing of Allah (swt).

    So for that reason, if you see a "bad" sister who married a "good" brother, you can assume this probably happened.

    Now regarding a good woman marrying a non-pious brother, I would advise against that every time. He's going to be the source of influence, and his evil has great potential to harm her in very bad ways. So really the sister should play it safe, far more so than the male should. Plus it's so typical of a male to say he will change if he really desires a girl, but I do not believe the opposite is true as often, wallahu a`lam.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    I wouldn't judge based on outer appearance. So many Muslim sisters who wear similar to what you describe promise before the wedding that they will wear proper hijaab afterwards. From there three things happen. Either she gets married, once he's been ensnared, she goes back to her old ways. Or she does wear it for a while, but then reverts back to her old ways when her Imaan dips. Or, she does wear it, and she sticks with it with the blessing of Allah (swt).

    So for that reason, if you see a "bad" sister who married a "good" brother, you can assume this probably happened.

    Now regarding a good woman marrying a non-pious brother, I would advise against that every time. He's going to be the source of influence, and his evil has great potential to harm her in very bad ways. So really the sister should play it safe, far more so than the male should. Plus it's so typical of a male to say he will change if he really desires a girl, but I do not believe the opposite is true as often, wallahu a`lam.
    Brother, I agree with you on the second opinion. Alhamdulillah, I had once been saved from a proposal from a non-practicing muslim. I could finally find out the evil in his character. And I thanked Allah so much that He showed me the black and white. So, yes, a woman tends to get an influence from a man. Therefore, they should have been more picky to choose a pious and a man with a good character. Vice versa for men as well, I suppose. Heart and character is something that we can't change easily.

  13. #13
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Yeah that's why in the sticky in the marriage section, it says do not marry someone hoping they will change, as there is simply no guarantee they will.

    The reason I stated that first opinion though (stating most sisters will agree to wear good hijaab if they do not already) is because in my misadventures trying to get married, I have experienced that phenomenon many times.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  14. #14
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    to add wat everyone has said, we have no clue is her respect for him allows her to slowly change herself ya know.. her clothes getting loser, hijab covering more... etc... people grow, people change... the most pious person can go through a rough patch in life and veer off the str8 path a little bit.. who knows! it could be for 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 yr.. only allah knows.. but this muslimah can grow/learn etc...

    we also dont know the brothers intention.. he probably saw something in her that was pious about her and wants to do everything in his power to bring her even closer to islam... I find it no different than a person raised muslim marrying a new revert. He might know ten times more than this revert, but respects her dedication, excitement and willingness to learn... he might not deny her just cuz she doesnt know as much as him, but also inshallah banking on the fact that she will continue to row , gain knowledge and strive to be a better muslimah everyday

  15. #15
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by veetha View Post
    I am very surprised to know that one of brother, who I think is really pious. He always posts article about Islam. He oftenly joins Islamic lecture. He even joins in one Islamic party. He is getting married to a muslimah, of course. But what I am wondering is that that sister does not wear proper hijab. Her scarf does not cover her chest. She even still wears tight clothes and still does make up. She is beautiful, indeed. To be honest, I am questioning the Iman level of this brother. I am only trying to give an example, that this phenomenon does happen. There are many pious and practicing men out there who turn out that they are attracted to only the physical attributes of their wife to be. Sometimes, brother who is not pretty pious, or practicing, is longing for a pious muslimah instead. Is that what is called opposite attraction? I am just afraid that many pious single muslimah will be difficult to find pious husband, because of the preferences of those "pious men". Just kidding

    Yes it does happen ........ no need to be surprised at all.

    Look , the basic thing is men are attracted by looks...... even though many men would deny this but the fact they are. Its just like most men would like to marry fair women. The thing is that they will not be bold enough to say this on face.

    But from islamic point of view a husband is accountable for what his wife is wearing .......... she should wear modest clothes.

  16. #16
    Odan kiduka's Avatar
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Like everyone said, men will always want attractive women.

    I remember back in the day there was a very attractive Muslimah and everyone wanted her, even the imams were lining up to propose to her and in the end she turned them all down and married an Arab. What was funny is the Imam that got turned down did the Nikah for them lol

  17. #17
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Just putting this out there but how do people define piety?
    We are weak, we constantly need something.. when we learn to rely on and ask from Allah(swt), who is strong, we become strong ~NAK

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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    See that? All you need to be is good looking

  19. #19
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
    See that? All you need to be is good looking
    Not really. Intelligent people realise that character and piety are also important. If a person marries solely for looks then they can prepare themselves for disappointment because there will always be someone more beautiful than their spouse.
    We are weak, we constantly need something.. when we learn to rely on and ask from Allah(swt), who is strong, we become strong ~NAK

  20. #20
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
    See that? All you need to be is good looking
    Don't forget the walk, they have to have the its-all-about-me walk. Not forgetting the 10' heels of course.

    Do not think of minor sins as insignificant, for mountains are made out of pebbles.


  21. #21
    Odan DaughterOfAdam's Avatar
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    i like potatos
    Last edited by DaughterOfAdam; 21-05-13 at 01:45 PM.

  22. #22
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow*~ View Post
    Just putting this out there but how do people define piety?
    Piety is belief in Allah and His Messenger as Islam commands as well as a sincere effort to do what is incumbent upon a Muslim as well as generally striving to do good in life. Add to that the fear of Allah that prevents evil in general.

    Can you tell a potential is like that or not from just one meeting? Hard to say, people do put on faces we all know that, but often you have background info or can tell from little signs here and there.

    As a male I can answer in the case of sisters when I'm determining. Obviously if a sister is in full hijaab, I take that to be a very good sign. But a lot of other stuff can be found out via their general reputation. For example, you hear "well she was never married before, but was once engaged and broke it off after the person told her he did not want her to wear niqaab". Or when they put all the conditions you wanted put before you even have a chance to say them, like they would be the ones to say "on condition the wedding is not mixed", when they know the majority would not accept that in today's cultures.

    If I saw that, I would pretty much be like, that is a person who cares.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  23. #23
    أبو برد cooldog's Avatar
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by kiduka View Post
    Like everyone said, men will always want attractive women.

    I remember back in the day there was a very attractive Muslimah and everyone wanted her, even the imams were lining up to propose to her and in the end she turned them all down and married an Arab. What was funny is the Imam that got turned down did the Nikah for them lol
    poor guy
    قل إنما أمرت أن أعبد الله ولا أشرك به إليه أدعو وإليه مآب

  24. #24
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    Re: Pious man for pious woman? Really?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    Piety is belief in Allah and His Messenger as Islam commands as well as a sincere effort to do what is incumbent upon a Muslim as well as generally striving to do good in life. Add to that the fear of Allah that prevents evil in general.
    That's a pretty good definition and not that difficult to ascertain when talking to people, except maybe establishing the person's fear of Allah(swt). Hmm..actually surely if a person is sincerely trying to do what is incumbent upon them as a Muslim then that shows their fear of accountability and thus fear of Allah(swt) though?
    We are weak, we constantly need something.. when we learn to rely on and ask from Allah(swt), who is strong, we become strong ~NAK


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