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  1. #1
    pray 4 peace Tahiyah's Avatar
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    Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    How do I even begin to reason with brothers who think I am wrong for working and providing for my family. I am divorced. There is no islamic state for me to be cared for by? if you have no family offering support, what are you realistically suppose to do? why do so many brothers have a problem with a woman providing? honestly...what is someone to do in this situation? sit and wait and hope?

    Widowed, divorced women in the prophets time did not provide for themselves, their children?

    sorry for the rant.....it just frustrates me when a brother tells me i am doing wrong by going out to work...

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    Creepy girl DaughterOfAdam's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    How do I even begin to reason with brothers who think I am wrong for working and providing for my family. I am divorced. There is no islamic state for me to be cared for by? if you have no family offering support, what are you realistically suppose to do? why do so many brothers have a problem with a woman providing? honestly...what is someone to do in this situation? sit and wait and hope?

    Widowed, divorced women in the prophets time did not provide for themselves, their children?

    sorry for the rant.....it just frustrates me when a brother tells me i am doing wrong by going out to work...
    Well at least you know you don't want to marry them.

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    M U S L I M W A R R I O R MuslimWarrior's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    How do I even begin to reason with brothers who think I am wrong for working and providing for my family. I am divorced. There is no islamic state for me to be cared for by? if you have no family offering support, what are you realistically suppose to do? why do so many brothers have a problem with a woman providing? honestly...what is someone to do in this situation? sit and wait and hope?

    Widowed, divorced women in the prophets time did not provide for themselves, their children?

    sorry for the rant.....it just frustrates me when a brother tells me i am doing wrong by going out to work...

    If you're the sole provider for the household and your job is halal then I don't think there's anything wrong in it. May Allah swt make things easy for you and give you reward.

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    ---Ali--- علي's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    I like to believe that people tend to be Reasonable. Now, a Reasonable person would not look down at a woman in your situation, for even the scholars are saying "well what the heck are they to do?", though they obviously do not regard the situation as ideal, given you did mention the absence of an Islamic state, which is of course as "not ideal" as it gets.

    So given all that, I would hope that anyone who knows the situation as highlighted above would not object.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Because they're prideful little boys. Real men respect women who give their blood,sweat, and tears into taking care of her family.

  6. #6
    pray 4 peace Tahiyah's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
    Well at least you know you don't want to marry them.
    what do you mean? you think brothers shouldnt marry sisters just because they provide for their families?

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    You're a sister?
    Do not misinterpret or add your own flow and ideas to my posts. Take it all at face value. If you don't understand something I've written then ask for clarification. I am not responsible for your thoughts or additions to my posts. You only have yourself to blame and I am free from what you attribute to me.

  8. #8
    Troll Hunter Supreme Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    How do I even begin to reason with brothers who think I am wrong for working and providing for my family. I am divorced. There is no islamic state for me to be cared for by? if you have no family offering support, what are you realistically suppose to do? why do so many brothers have a problem with a woman providing? honestly...what is someone to do in this situation? sit and wait and hope?

    Widowed, divorced women in the prophets time did not provide for themselves, their children?

    sorry for the rant.....it just frustrates me when a brother tells me i am doing wrong by going out to work...
    Do brothers look down on working Sisters, No,

    on the contrary, if they are wearing proper Hijaab, they respect them even more,


    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little."

    [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith no. 627]

    May Allah ta'ala join our beloved akhi Uncle-Umar (may Allah ta'ala have mercy upon him) with the Shuhada and grant him the Highest station in Jannatul Firdaus

    Ameen


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    Troll Hunter Supreme Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by DaughterOfAdam View Post
    Well at least you know you don't want to marry them.
    Would you mind elaborating on this?

    are you suggesting that Brothers should not marry Divorcees, or Sisters purely because they work?
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little."

    [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith no. 627]

    May Allah ta'ala join our beloved akhi Uncle-Umar (may Allah ta'ala have mercy upon him) with the Shuhada and grant him the Highest station in Jannatul Firdaus

    Ameen


    https://www.justgiving.com/FoodTruckForSyria/

  10. #10
    ---Ali--- علي's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    I'm pretty sure she's saying "when you see someone with that mentality, stay well away from them". As in, do not marry males who have the mentality mentioned in the opening post.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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    Troll Hunter Supreme Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    I'm pretty sure she's saying "when you see someone with that mentality, stay well away from them". As in, do not marry males who have the mentality mentioned in the opening post.
    makes sense akhi,

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little."

    [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith no. 627]

    May Allah ta'ala join our beloved akhi Uncle-Umar (may Allah ta'ala have mercy upon him) with the Shuhada and grant him the Highest station in Jannatul Firdaus

    Ameen


    https://www.justgiving.com/FoodTruckForSyria/

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    I see nothing wrong with your position, I respect you for what you're doing ukhti. Many years ago my mother worked 3 jobs to support 4 young children when my father wasn't around, what the hell is she supposed to do when there's nobody to help her? This eventually led my mother to major stress and diseases came to her because of it which led to her being disabled and unable to work. Alhamdulillah right now she's doing fine and well I pray that Allah guides her and increases her in health and the same to you ukthi.

  13. #13
    pray 4 peace Tahiyah's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Uthmani View Post
    Because they're prideful little boys. Real men respect women who give their blood,sweat, and tears into taking care of her family.
    thank you. you would think so..and i do appreciate the replies. i was even told i should make hijra. is there an islamic state i can make hijra to? i was told to depend on the welfare system, just so i can stay at home. or find work-from-home jobs. i think some people need to try on the shoes of others before passing judgement

  14. #14
    pray 4 peace Tahiyah's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fadi View Post
    I see nothing wrong with your position, I respect you for what you're doing ukhti. Many years ago my mother worked 3 jobs to support 4 young children when my father wasn't around, what the hell is she supposed to do when there's nobody to help her? This eventually led my mother to major stress and diseases came to her because of it which led to her being disabled and unable to work. Alhamdulillah right now she's doing fine and well I pray that Allah guides her and increases her in health.

    ameen

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    Troll Hunter Supreme Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    How do I even begin to reason with brothers who think I am wrong for working and providing for my family. I am divorced. There is no islamic state for me to be cared for by? if you have no family offering support, what are you realistically suppose to do? why do so many brothers have a problem with a woman providing? honestly...what is someone to do in this situation? sit and wait and hope?

    Widowed, divorced women in the prophets time did not provide for themselves, their children?

    sorry for the rant.....it just frustrates me when a brother tells me i am doing wrong by going out to work...
    The brother more than likely misunderstood your situation,

    Ukthi as long as the work you do is Halal, theres nothing wrong with you earning a living for yourself, especially since you are divorced,

    May Allah ta'ala grant you a muttaqeen spouse asap,

    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little."

    [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith no. 627]

    May Allah ta'ala join our beloved akhi Uncle-Umar (may Allah ta'ala have mercy upon him) with the Shuhada and grant him the Highest station in Jannatul Firdaus

    Ameen


    https://www.justgiving.com/FoodTruckForSyria/

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    The brother more than likely misunderstood your situation,

    Ukthi as long as the work you do is Halal, theres nothing wrong with you earning a living for yourself, especially since you are divorced,

    May Allah ta'ala grant you a muttaqeen spouse asap,


    Ameen

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    All goes back to the intention of working. I know my purpose for working is to provide for my family and fulfill the responsibility Allah gave me and all men.

  18. #18
    pray 4 peace Tahiyah's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    divorce sucks for the reason that it makes some muslims treat you different. i am the same person i was when i was married. my situation changed. not me.

    my heart goes out to divorced brothers and sisters who are made to feel like a thing of shame, like they have been tossed away, or did something wrong

    divorce is allowed and necessary for reasons

  19. #19
    what is Odan??? Muslima London's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Who is he to judge you???
    let him marry you and support you and your children if he's so concerned about your working status.

    If you read the story of the sahaba's and the muslim women of the time , you can't fail to notice that in the cases where a woman divorced, was widowed she would be married soon after her iddah period. There was a collective responsibility in teh community to make sure that women and their offspring were taken care off.

    I think different times call for different measures. We live in a world where even our own brothers are not responsible to be our mahrams so how can we exptect that sense of responsibility to reach out to others.

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    How do I even begin to reason with brothers who think I am wrong for working and providing for my family. I am divorced. There is no islamic state for me to be cared for by? if you have no family offering support, what are you realistically suppose to do? why do so many brothers have a problem with a woman providing? honestly...what is someone to do in this situation? sit and wait and hope?

    Widowed, divorced women in the prophets time did not provide for themselves, their children?

    sorry for the rant.....it just frustrates me when a brother tells me i am doing wrong by going out to work...

  20. #20
    ---Ali--- علي's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    May Allah make it easy and grant you better.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  21. #21
    what is Odan??? Muslima London's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    I think what DOA means (and correct me if 'im wrong) is that at least a woman would know that she wouldn't want to marry a man with narrow minded attittude like that

    i think my grammar is a bit messed up in the above - oh never mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    Would you mind elaborating on this?

    are you suggesting that Brothers should not marry Divorcees, or Sisters purely because they work?

  22. #22
    Troll Hunter Supreme Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    divorce sucks for the reason that it makes some muslims treat you different. i am the same person i was when i was married. my situation changed. not me.

    my heart goes out to divorced brothers and sisters who are made to feel like a thing of shame, like they have been tossed away, or did something wrong

    divorce is allowed and necessary for reasons
    Ukthi have you spoken to your wali anbout seeking a Spouse for marriage?
    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little."

    [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith no. 627]

    May Allah ta'ala join our beloved akhi Uncle-Umar (may Allah ta'ala have mercy upon him) with the Shuhada and grant him the Highest station in Jannatul Firdaus

    Ameen


    https://www.justgiving.com/FoodTruckForSyria/

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    Troll Hunter Supreme Saif-Uddin's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslima London View Post
    I think what DOA means (and correct me if 'im wrong) is that at least a woman would know that she wouldn't want to marry a man with narrow minded attittude like that

    i think my grammar is a bit messed up in the above - oh never mind.
    Yes akhi Ali told me earlier,


    http://www.ilovepalestine.com/campai...imesinGaza.gif

    "O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little."

    [Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol. 8, Hadith no. 627]

    May Allah ta'ala join our beloved akhi Uncle-Umar (may Allah ta'ala have mercy upon him) with the Shuhada and grant him the Highest station in Jannatul Firdaus

    Ameen


    https://www.justgiving.com/FoodTruckForSyria/

  24. #24
    I'll be back cyber_abdullah's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    May Allah make it easy and grant you better.
    ameen

  25. #25
    pray 4 peace Tahiyah's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Saif-Uddin View Post
    Ukthi have you spoken to your wali anbout seeking a Spouse for marriage?

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Why do you even bother what your brothers in Islam think ? will that make a difference or do good to you ?

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    divorce sucks for the reason that it makes some muslims treat you different. i am the same person i was when i was married. my situation changed. not me.

    my heart goes out to divorced brothers and sisters who are made to feel like a thing of shame, like they have been tossed away, or did something wrong

    divorce is allowed and necessary for reasons
    Sister thank you for highlighting this problem. I have met so many narrow minded little boys who have looked at me like i am some old used bag. It just highlights their lack of knowledge about Islam and more importantly think they maybe even better then the Prophet (saws) subnahAllah. They seem to forget the Prophet (saws) married divorcees and widows (only Aisha (ra) was a virgin) and he taught that it was the ummah who should help to look aftet the less vunerable of of our umnah, i.e. Orphans, divorcees and widows. But no culture and uneducation is getting the better of them. I have even seen reverts say they do not want to marry a divorcee, subhanAllah. I wonder where they pick up this narrow minded education from? Ihave a few guesses as to where they pick it up from.

    I am in my 20s and i have come to a point where i do not ever want to marry if this is what some men of this ummah are going to be like. i am not going to ruin my life or my child's mind by marrying silly, narrow minded people like them. But in the end they are the losers. There is no reward in being arrogant and spiteful especially to a woman with children. They woukd never make good husbands, i would feel sorry for any woman who had to marry such a man.
    Last edited by Phia86; 23-04-13 at 12:47 AM.

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    I work too part time, am a revert, my pops aint around, aint got no mahram, aint married, so i cant jus live on air hence i work ...enough to give me food clothes trvel books n stuff and some money to mum alhamdulillah tbh im considering full time work eventually as it jus aint enough. and if things ever do get messed up at home, i need to be able to leave and provide a place for myself.

    ive had people tell me how could you work, a practicing muslim should stay at home and so on

    someone always got something to say. if i could have it so i dont work, i would, but it dont work that way. i have older siblings, but they rather not do nothing for me cos they dont like me as much now im muslim. oh well

    we do have reasons why we do things, some will understand, some wont, those that dont, are most likely, not worth any time in the first place. it must be so much harder for you sis may Allah ease your affairs ameen
    Last edited by Slave4akhirah; 23-04-13 at 12:53 AM.

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Slave4akhirah View Post
    I work too part time, am a revert, my pops aint around, aint got no mahram, aint married, so i cant jus live on air hence i work ...enough to give me food clothes trvel books n stuff and some money to mum alhamdulillah tbh im considering full time work eventually as it jus aint enough. and if things ever do get messed up at home, i need to be able to leave and provide a place for myself.

    ive had people tell me how could you work, a practicing muslim should stay at home and so on

    someone always got something to say. if i could have it so i dont work, i would, but it dont work that way. i have older siblings, but they rather not do nothing for me cos they dont like me as much now im muslim. oh well

    we do have reasons why we do things, some will understand, some wont, those that dont, are most likely, not worth any time in the first place.
    Atlast you understand this. Also whats wrong in working even if you are married ? or if someone is supporting you ? I don't think that's wrong in anyway. That's very good to look for your future all the time. What if the husband just divorces a wife in future. Where will she go when her parents won't support her...So every lady should be always ready to know that a man can divorce anytime and she should always have a career to support her that way. I don't find anything haram when it comes to working.

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by BboyAthletic View Post
    Atlast you understand this. Also whats wrong in working even if you are married ? or if someone is supporting you ? I don't think that's wrong in anyway. That's very good to look for your future all the time. What if the husband just divorces a wife in future. Where will she go when her parents won't support her...So every lady should be always ready to know that a man can divorce anytime and she should always have a career to support her that way. I don't find anything haram when it comes to working.
    If i was married, i would not be out working.(unless there was a neccessity)
    Last edited by Slave4akhirah; 23-04-13 at 12:57 AM.

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Slave4akhirah View Post
    If i was married, i would not be out working.
    So do you think you will be doing justice to the education you earned ? and what if you were married and the dowery was a little bit and the state was unislamic., What would you do ? die of hunger if you didn't get a job. Because if you don't have a professional experience, you don't get a job too fast.

    Also does it mean women who have someone for support should not work ? Because they have to go outside.

    What about women going for education ?Why are they going to get education when they go outside. Both seem contradictory...

    Or as per your world view. Women just shouldn't work or get education if they don't have a supporter or wali.
    Last edited by BboyAthletic; 23-04-13 at 01:00 AM.

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by BboyAthletic View Post
    So do you think you will be doing justice to the education you earned ? and what if you were married and the dowery was a little bit and the state was unislamic., What would you do ? die of hunger if you didn't get a job. Because if you don't have a professional experience, you don't get a job too early.
    im a uni drop out , what education you on about?

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    B-boy jus pop n lock ur way out of here or whatever else it is you do cos i jus cbb with you. and if you wanna carry on talking, thats cool, enjoy talkin to yourself.

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Slave4akhirah View Post
    B-boy jus pop n lock ur way out of here or whatever else it is you do cos i jus cbb with you. and if you wanna carry on talking, thats cool, enjoy talkin to yourself.
    It's ok sis.

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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    [QUOTE=Tahiyah;5163834]divorce sucks for the reason that it makes some muslims treat you different. i am the same person i was when i was married. my situation changed. not me.

    my heart goes out to divorced brothers and sisters who are made to feel like a thing of shame, like they have been tossed away, or did something wrong

    divorce is allowed and necessary for reasons[/QUOTE

    thats really sad to hear, dont worry sis, only morons look down on such a woman, and inshallah Allah will grant you a pious husband when the time is right, there was a widowed sister i knew with a young child, she got married to a young divorcee who accepted her child, so dont worry inshallah you will get married again

  36. #36
    what is Odan??? Muslima London's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Bizarely enough, its usually brothers who ARE NOT very practising who are willing to take on a woman and her children. They usually have a more broad view of life. Still tahts all part of the worldly tests isn't it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gaia86 View Post
    Sister thank you for highlighting this problem. I have met so many narrow minded little boys who have looked at me like i am some old used bag. It just highlights their lack of knowledge about Islam and more importantly think they maybe even better then the Prophet (saws) subnahAllah. They seem to forget the Prophet (saws) married divorcees and widows (only Aisha (ra) was a virgin) and he taught that it was the ummah who should help to look aftet the less vunerable of of our umnah, i.e. Orphans, divorcees and widows. But no culture and uneducation is getting the better of them. I have even seen reverts say they do not want to marry a divorcee, subhanAllah. I wonder where they pick up this narrow minded education from? Ihave a few guesses as to where they pick it up from.

    I am in my 20s and i have come to a point where i do not ever want to marry if this is what some men of this ummah are going to be like. i am not going to ruin my life or my child's mind by marrying silly, narrow minded people like them. But in the end they are the losers. There is no reward in being arrogant and spiteful especially to a woman with children. They woukd never make good husbands, i would feel sorry for any woman who had to marry such a man.

  37. #37
    Odan muzzybee's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Our history has told us the importance of women in situation of war treating the wounded and Of course we have our beloved Ummuhathul Mumineen Kadijah RA who was a business woman.

    Their is a story in the period of Umar RA as Kalifah , when a woman came to him asking money to do business as she married 3 men and they all died in war.
    Umar RA asked her why dont you want to get married and she didn't want to.
    So Umar RA gave money to her From the Baitul Mal to do business.

    I hope someone can find the source of this story.


    The thing that matters is the ability to find a halal job in a halal environment.

  38. #38
    No Artificial Sugar ssh's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tahiyah View Post
    How do I even begin to reason with brothers who think I am wrong for working and providing for my family. I am divorced. There is no islamic state for me to be cared for by? if you have no family offering support, what are you realistically suppose to do? why do so many brothers have a problem with a woman providing? honestly...what is someone to do in this situation? sit and wait and hope?

    Widowed, divorced women in the prophets time did not provide for themselves, their children?

    sorry for the rant.....it just frustrates me when a brother tells me i am doing wrong by going out to work...
    بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

    Maybe he does more wrong than you if he sees your struggle and doesn't do anything to alleviate it.

  39. #39
    Stillness drac16's Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?



    I sure don't. I think it's commendable. Our mother Khadijah [may Allah be pleased with her] was a business owner.

  40. #40
    Slave of AIIah |Sister|'s Avatar
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    Re: Do Brothers look down on a working sister?

    Quote Originally Posted by ssh View Post
    بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته

    Maybe he does more wrong than you if he sees your struggle and doesn't do anything to alleviate it.
    ^ Best post in thread.


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