Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

[Green786]

Salaam

This is a question for the single and married brothers.

Would you consider having more than one wife?










good luck

[samin62]

most can't answer without being married first. Most would also say no.

[geeksupremo]

Lol there's a 'good luck' at the bottom of the post.

[MoMo.]

No. Even one seems like a daunting task...

[*Aisha]

No. Even one seems like a daunting task...

it is

[abubakarbristol]

Yes

[علي]

most can't answer without being married first.

Oi Samin, let us speak for ourselves!

Okay. Now. My answer:

I can't answer without being married first.

[Green786]

So you would rather get married first then decide whether to have a second wife or not.

[علي]

So you would rather get married first then decide whether to have a second wife or not.

Well it's the only sensible way, because without having seen my competence with one wife, how can I determine competence with multiple wives? However if it all lines up and I find I can do it financially, everything else-ly, yeah I have no qualms against it. Kind of a long shot though, all considered.

[drac16]

Walaykum salam,

Probably not. My conscience just wouldn't allow me to do certain things with more than one woman (if you know what I mean).

[geeksupremo]

Well it's the only sensible way, because without having seen my competence with one wife, how can I determine competence with multiple wives? However if it all lines up and I find I can do it financially, everything else-ly, yeah I have no qualms against it. Kind of a long shot though, all considered.

What would be the best way to answer if a potential ask this question? I mean if the sister would prefer to be in a monogamous marriage?

What you're saying is true, since one can't really tell unless he's married...

[.Kid.]

Oi Samin, let us speak for ourselves!

Okay. Now. My answer:

I can't answer without being married first.

Yea samin, chillax there bro,

as for your question OP, I can't answer without being married first.

[علي]

What would be the best way to answer if a potential ask this question? I mean if the sister would prefer to be in a monogamous marriage?

What you're saying is true, since one can't really tell unless he's married...

Oh yeah, given I've had talks with potentials before, I definitely had to think about that.

If they ask my views on it (since usually they won't be that direct), I'll tell them that I view it as something permissible in the religion like any other. If they ask if I would do it, I'd say I don't guarantee either way, though I admit I've not made plans for it. But definitely I don't make guarantees, and if they decide to cut it off, well that's istikharah at work right there.

[abubakarbristol]

What would be the best way to answer if a potential ask this question? I mean if the sister would prefer to be in a monogamous marriage?

What you're saying is true, since one can't really tell unless he's married...

Answer honestly, if the other party can't or wont accept it then you may have saved a lot of pain and heartache later.

[geeksupremo]

Oh yeah, given I've had talks with potentials before, I definitely had to think about that.

If they ask my views on it (since usually they won't be that direct), I'll tell them that I view it as something permissible in the religion like any other. If they ask if I would do it, I'd say I don't guarantee either way, though I admit I've not made plans for it. But definitely I don't make guarantees, and if they decide to cut it off, well that's istikharah at work right there.

I see...

I was starting to think that it won't make a difference at all if a sister asks that question, because he wouldn't know anyway since he's not yet married, and if he says no now, he might change his mind somewhere down the road... You're right though that's where istikhara comes to play.

[inprogress]

I see...

I was starting to think that it won't make a difference at all if a sister asks that question, because he wouldn't know anyway since he's not yet married, and if he says no now, he might change his mind somewhere down the road... You're right though that's where istikhara comes to play.

Some men know for sure they want another wife, some men are pretty sure they don't. If you feel strongly about it, ask. If you don't really care so much either way (not that you wouldn't care, but are open to both polygamy and monogamy) then you might consider not asking. I'm the type of person who would probably ask just for the heck of it either way. If nothing else you would see a little bit into their personality, their way of managing difficult questions, and their views on marriage, culture, and religion in general. All good things to know.

I think a good answer for both men and women is "open to the possibility given the right circumstances"

[Fairy]

Why do men get 2nd or third wives? ( just curious)

is it because they can?

[Uthmani]

Nope, only one wife for me

[inprogress]

Why do men get 2nd or third wives? ( just curious)

is it because they can?

Pretty much. Unless there is a special circumstances, like living in two different locations (wife in each country), infertility, mismatch of need for companionship and intimacy, not satisfied in marriage but wish to stay together, etc.

[Fairy]

Pretty much. Unless there is a special circumstances, like living in two different locations (wife in each country), infertility, mismatch of need for companionship and intimacy, not satisfied in marriage but wish to stay together, etc.

got it..

[geeksupremo]

Nope, only one wife for me

Never say never

[inprogress]

got it..

variety is the spice of life

Eidt: I left out the most important reason.... more wives, kids=more opportunity for reward from Allah! goes for both man and woman.

[MoMo.]

Pretty much. Unless there is a special circumstances, like living in two different locations (wife in each country), infertility, mismatch of need for companionship and intimacy, not satisfied in marriage but wish to stay together, etc.

Also it could be simply for following the Sunnah of the Messenger . Also to support a women who has no one. There are a lot of reasons...

[inprogress]

Also it could be simply for following the Sunnah of the Messenger . Also to support a women who has no one. There are a lot of reasons...

Yep, kind of like asking why a some one would want more kids.

[علي]

Why do men get 2nd or third wives? ( just curious)

is it because they can?

Like with all things Islamically permissible, if done right, one stands to benefit greatly both here and in the afterlife. Four times more than someone doing things just as correctly with one wife.

[Green786]

So is it safe to say that there is no need to ask this question to a potential groom. It is the responsibility of the groom to bring it up if he really wants a second wife before marriage.

[geeksupremo]

Like with all things Islamically permissible, if done right, one stands to benefit greatly both here and in the afterlife. Four times more than someone doing things just as correctly with one wife.

SubhanaAllah imagine the reward if the husband is being just to all his wives and adheres closely to the sunnah...

[علي]

So is it safe to say that there is no need to ask this question to a potential groom. It is the responsibility of the groom to bring it up if he really wants a second wife before marriage.

I tend to agree but some people feel strongly about this. Personally I don't agree with "preferring" to limit men from things that are halal arbitrarily, so I don't see why the question should be asked, but polygamy gets a really bad rep these days. What with all the propaganda against it (good things always have propaganda against them in this day and age).

SubhanaAllah imagine the reward if the husband is being just to all his wives and adheres closely to the sunnah...

Agreed, but it can be tough, so one should proceed with caution also. I find with many things, the more potential there is for great success, the more there is a risk of equally great failure, when we consider the punishment for injustice between wives. One should pray for steadfastness if they attempt it.

[naila-k]

just like a man won't know how he would feel about this issue without being married once, and how he may feel a few years in the future, the same is for a woman, 5 years ago i would have been against it but now not bothered.

Sisters you may not like the idea now, but after being married you may change your mind.

[UNITED UMMAH]

Salam,

I am considering a second wife and want to marry a widow or a divorcee WITH KIDS ONLY,but have noticed that due to CULTURE etc
wali's or sisters DON'T want to be a second wife,even if the brother was genuine and practising etc.

Would sisters prefer to be single,divorced with kids and at home all there life ?

If they ain't going to get married in there early 30's to 40's when will they end up getting married ?

Also noticed sisters say that they want a man like the prophet or the sahaba's but then when it comes to pologamy then they reject it.

Pls don't start to argue etc ,just thought i'd put my point across.

[inprogress]

Salam,

I am considering a second wife and want to marry a widow or a divorcee WITH KIDS ONLY,but have noticed that due to CULTURE etc
wali's or sisters DON'T want to be a second wife,even if the brother was genuine and practising etc.

Would sisters prefer to be single,divorced with kids and at home all there life ?

If they ain't going to get married in there early 30's to 40's when will they end up getting married ?

Also noticed sisters say that they want a man like the prophet or the sahaba's but then when it comes to pologamy then they reject it.

Pls don't start to argue etc ,just thought i'd put my point across.

I'm not personally against the idea, but some women will feel extremely crushed, hurt, heartbroken, emotionally unstable at the thought of their husband being with another woman. So in that case, yes, they might be better off single, at least until they can get over those feelings. Even women who agree to polygamy and think they can handle it may also feel all of those things.

[Fairy]

United Ummah you raise a good point, maybe we have just grown up in the west and then find it odd when a man wants to be with another woman, (wife) etc

[|Sister|]

I'm not personally against the idea, but some women will feel extremely crushed, hurt, heartbroken, emotionally unstable at the thought of their husband being with another woman. So in that case, yes, they might be better off single, at least until they can get over those feelings. Even women who agree to polygamy and think they can handle it may also feel all of those things.

Yeah I agree. Some women really would prefer to stay single rather than deal with emotional devastation. Emotions can hurt a lot worse than being hungry does. These days it's also a lot easier for a woman to take care of herself (compared to 1400 years ago), so a lot of women don't really need a husband financially. They can afford to be picky and were raised to hate polygamy, which makes it hard for polygamous brothers to find good wives. I'm not saying it's right or fair, that's just what happens.

United Ummah you raise a good point, maybe we have just grown up in the west and then find it odd when a man wants to be with another woman, (wife) etc

I think a lot of it has to do with the horror stories they hear of mistreatment and ect. No person wants to be replaced or have their benefits or attention reduced or taken away completely. The guys who abuse marriage give a bad name to all the other brothers who don't and it has a bad effect on the ummah as a whole...

[al-siddiq]

Salaam

This is a question for the single and married brothers.

Would you consider having more than one wife?










good luck

wa aalaikum assalam

I have sufficient fear of one wife, two feels like a heavy burden.

But if a woman needs a husband to care for her I likely would have no choice. SubhanAllah, whoever thought marriage to more than 1 woman was an ease for the man would have re-evaluate their thinking.

[Abu Hanzalah]

No. Even one seems like a daunting task...

Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.

[.Kid.]

Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.

You calling every man in this Ummah that has one wife a metrosexual?

[علي]

Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.

Yeah but MoMo isn't like that. Truth is, it's daunting because we're not experienced, what with how hard marriage is today compared to yesterday anyway, and just upkeep and life today versus back then as well. He'll see how it is after marriage and maybe think the same or different.

[Abu Hanzalah]

Yeah but MoMo isn't like that. Truth is, it's daunting because we're not experienced, what with how hard marriage is today compared to yesterday anyway, and just upkeep and life today versus back then as well. He'll see how it is after marriage and maybe think the same or different.

I've heard from experienced people that it is better to go in odd numbers. 1, or 3, rather than 2 or 4 although of course those are permissible. 2 means you'll be the unwanted meat in a bad sandwich. 3 means you'll have at least one ally at any given time. This is practical advice from those in the system!

[MoMo.]

Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.

How does having more than one wife make you a man? Maybe some people don't wana take the risk of being unable to treat all of them equally. There are a lot of reason for a man marrying more than one wife, just are there are a lot for a man staying with one.

Also, daunting is not just the after marriage but actually finding the right person. Marriage ain't an easy thing like the good old days or else we would all be married right now with kids.

[Abu Hanzalah]

How does having more than one wife make you a man? Maybe some people don't wana take the risk of being unable to treat all of them equally. There are a lot of reason for a man marrying more than one wife, just are there are a lot for a man staying with one.

Also, daunting is not just the after marriage but actually finding the right person. Marriage ain't an easy thing like the good old days or else we would all be married right now with kids.

We have to drain the feminists into the ocean or leave them marooned in an island. Then it will become easier for your MoMo to marry 1, 2, or more.