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  1. #1
    Odan Green786's Avatar
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    Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Salaam

    This is a question for the single and married brothers.

    Would you consider having more than one wife?










    good luck
    Last edited by Green786; 09-11-12 at 11:10 PM.

  2. #2
    Private Investigator samin62's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    most can't answer without being married first. Most would also say no.
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

    Lost in Islamic History

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    Durian Enthusiast geeksupremo's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?



    Lol there's a 'good luck' at the bottom of the post.

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?



    No. Even one seems like a daunting task...
    [COLOR="#000000"][CENTER]Sisters, please do not PM or rep me :jkk:[/CENTER]

    [CENTER]Allah has promised those who have believed among you and done righteous deeds that He will surely grant them succession [to authority] upon the earth just as He granted it to those before them and that He will surely establish for them [therein] their religion which He has preferred for them and that He will surely substitute for them, after their fear, security, [for] they worship Me, not associating anything with Me. But whoever disbelieves after that - then those are the defiantly disobedient. [24:55]


    Allah will establish in strength those who believe, with the word that stands firm, in this world and in the Hereafter; but Allah will leave, to stray, those who do wrong: Allah doeth what He willeth. [14:27]

    "Seek help through Allah and be patient. Indeed, the earth belongs to Allah . He causes to inherit it whom He wills of His servants. And the [best] outcome is for the righteous." [7:128]

    (They are) those who, if We establish them in the land, establish regular prayer and give regular charity, enjoin the right and forbid wrong: with Allah rests the end (and decision) of (all) affairs. [22:41]
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    [CENTER][COLOR="#000000"]Narrated Ibn Umar (RA) that the Prophet :saw: said, "My livelihood is under the shade of my spear, and he who disobeys my orders will be humiliated."[Sahih Bukhari][/COLOR][/CENTER]

  5. #5
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by MoMo. View Post


    No. Even one seems like a daunting task...
    it is

  6. #6
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Yes

  7. #7
    ---Ali--- علي's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by samin62 View Post
    most can't answer without being married first.
    Oi Samin, let us speak for ourselves!

    Okay. Now. My answer:

    I can't answer without being married first.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  8. #8
    Odan Green786's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    So you would rather get married first then decide whether to have a second wife or not.



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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Green786 View Post
    So you would rather get married first then decide whether to have a second wife or not.


    Well it's the only sensible way, because without having seen my competence with one wife, how can I determine competence with multiple wives? However if it all lines up and I find I can do it financially, everything else-ly, yeah I have no qualms against it. Kind of a long shot though, all considered.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Walaykum salam,

    Probably not. My conscience just wouldn't allow me to do certain things with more than one woman (if you know what I mean).

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    Well it's the only sensible way, because without having seen my competence with one wife, how can I determine competence with multiple wives? However if it all lines up and I find I can do it financially, everything else-ly, yeah I have no qualms against it. Kind of a long shot though, all considered.
    What would be the best way to answer if a potential ask this question? I mean if the sister would prefer to be in a monogamous marriage?

    What you're saying is true, since one can't really tell unless he's married...

  12. #12
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    Oi Samin, let us speak for ourselves!

    Okay. Now. My answer:

    I can't answer without being married first.
    Yea samin, chillax there bro,

    as for your question OP, I can't answer without being married first.

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by geeksupremo View Post
    What would be the best way to answer if a potential ask this question? I mean if the sister would prefer to be in a monogamous marriage?

    What you're saying is true, since one can't really tell unless he's married...
    Oh yeah, given I've had talks with potentials before, I definitely had to think about that.

    If they ask my views on it (since usually they won't be that direct), I'll tell them that I view it as something permissible in the religion like any other. If they ask if I would do it, I'd say I don't guarantee either way, though I admit I've not made plans for it. But definitely I don't make guarantees, and if they decide to cut it off, well that's istikharah at work right there.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  14. #14
    Odan
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by geeksupremo View Post
    What would be the best way to answer if a potential ask this question? I mean if the sister would prefer to be in a monogamous marriage?

    What you're saying is true, since one can't really tell unless he's married...
    Answer honestly, if the other party can't or wont accept it then you may have saved a lot of pain and heartache later.

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    Durian Enthusiast geeksupremo's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    Oh yeah, given I've had talks with potentials before, I definitely had to think about that.

    If they ask my views on it (since usually they won't be that direct), I'll tell them that I view it as something permissible in the religion like any other. If they ask if I would do it, I'd say I don't guarantee either way, though I admit I've not made plans for it. But definitely I don't make guarantees, and if they decide to cut it off, well that's istikharah at work right there.
    I see...

    I was starting to think that it won't make a difference at all if a sister asks that question, because he wouldn't know anyway since he's not yet married, and if he says no now, he might change his mind somewhere down the road... You're right though that's where istikhara comes to play.

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by geeksupremo View Post
    I see...

    I was starting to think that it won't make a difference at all if a sister asks that question, because he wouldn't know anyway since he's not yet married, and if he says no now, he might change his mind somewhere down the road... You're right though that's where istikhara comes to play.
    Some men know for sure they want another wife, some men are pretty sure they don't. If you feel strongly about it, ask. If you don't really care so much either way (not that you wouldn't care, but are open to both polygamy and monogamy) then you might consider not asking. I'm the type of person who would probably ask just for the heck of it either way. If nothing else you would see a little bit into their personality, their way of managing difficult questions, and their views on marriage, culture, and religion in general. All good things to know.

    I think a good answer for both men and women is "open to the possibility given the right circumstances"
    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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    bows out Fairy's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Why do men get 2nd or third wives? ( just curious)

    is it because they can?
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Nope, only one wife for me

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
    Why do men get 2nd or third wives? ( just curious)

    is it because they can?
    Pretty much. Unless there is a special circumstances, like living in two different locations (wife in each country), infertility, mismatch of need for companionship and intimacy, not satisfied in marriage but wish to stay together, etc.
    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by inprogress View Post
    Pretty much. Unless there is a special circumstances, like living in two different locations (wife in each country), infertility, mismatch of need for companionship and intimacy, not satisfied in marriage but wish to stay together, etc.
    got it..
    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
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    Durian Enthusiast geeksupremo's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Uthmani View Post
    Nope, only one wife for me
    Never say never

  22. #22
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
    got it..
    variety is the spice of life

    Eidt: I left out the most important reason.... more wives, kids=more opportunity for reward from Allah! goes for both man and woman.
    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by inprogress View Post
    Pretty much. Unless there is a special circumstances, like living in two different locations (wife in each country), infertility, mismatch of need for companionship and intimacy, not satisfied in marriage but wish to stay together, etc.
    Also it could be simply for following the Sunnah of the Messenger . Also to support a women who has no one. There are a lot of reasons...
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    [CENTER]Allah has promised those who have believed among you and done righteous deeds that He will surely grant them succession [to authority] upon the earth just as He granted it to those before them and that He will surely establish for them [therein] their religion which He has preferred for them and that He will surely substitute for them, after their fear, security, [for] they worship Me, not associating anything with Me. But whoever disbelieves after that - then those are the defiantly disobedient. [24:55]


    Allah will establish in strength those who believe, with the word that stands firm, in this world and in the Hereafter; but Allah will leave, to stray, those who do wrong: Allah doeth what He willeth. [14:27]

    "Seek help through Allah and be patient. Indeed, the earth belongs to Allah . He causes to inherit it whom He wills of His servants. And the [best] outcome is for the righteous." [7:128]

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    [CENTER][COLOR="#000000"]Narrated Ibn Umar (RA) that the Prophet :saw: said, "My livelihood is under the shade of my spear, and he who disobeys my orders will be humiliated."[Sahih Bukhari][/COLOR][/CENTER]

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by MoMo. View Post
    Also it could be simply for following the Sunnah of the Messenger . Also to support a women who has no one. There are a lot of reasons...
    Yep, kind of like asking why a some one would want more kids.
    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
    Why do men get 2nd or third wives? ( just curious)

    is it because they can?
    Like with all things Islamically permissible, if done right, one stands to benefit greatly both here and in the afterlife. Four times more than someone doing things just as correctly with one wife.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  26. #26
    Odan Green786's Avatar
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    So is it safe to say that there is no need to ask this question to a potential groom. It is the responsibility of the groom to bring it up if he really wants a second wife before marriage.

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    Like with all things Islamically permissible, if done right, one stands to benefit greatly both here and in the afterlife. Four times more than someone doing things just as correctly with one wife.
    SubhanaAllah imagine the reward if the husband is being just to all his wives and adheres closely to the sunnah...

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Green786 View Post
    So is it safe to say that there is no need to ask this question to a potential groom. It is the responsibility of the groom to bring it up if he really wants a second wife before marriage.
    I tend to agree but some people feel strongly about this. Personally I don't agree with "preferring" to limit men from things that are halal arbitrarily, so I don't see why the question should be asked, but polygamy gets a really bad rep these days. What with all the propaganda against it (good things always have propaganda against them in this day and age).

    Quote Originally Posted by geeksupremo View Post
    SubhanaAllah imagine the reward if the husband is being just to all his wives and adheres closely to the sunnah...
    Agreed, but it can be tough, so one should proceed with caution also. I find with many things, the more potential there is for great success, the more there is a risk of equally great failure, when we consider the punishment for injustice between wives. One should pray for steadfastness if they attempt it.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  29. #29
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    just like a man won't know how he would feel about this issue without being married once, and how he may feel a few years in the future, the same is for a woman, 5 years ago i would have been against it but now not bothered.

    Sisters you may not like the idea now, but after being married you may change your mind.

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Salam,

    I am considering a second wife and want to marry a widow or a divorcee WITH KIDS ONLY,but have noticed that due to CULTURE etc
    wali's or sisters DON'T want to be a second wife,even if the brother was genuine and practising etc.

    Would sisters prefer to be single,divorced with kids and at home all there life ?

    If they ain't going to get married in there early 30's to 40's when will they end up getting married ?

    Also noticed sisters say that they want a man like the prophet or the sahaba's but then when it comes to pologamy then they reject it.

    Pls don't start to argue etc ,just thought i'd put my point across.

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by UNITED UMMAH View Post
    Salam,

    I am considering a second wife and want to marry a widow or a divorcee WITH KIDS ONLY,but have noticed that due to CULTURE etc
    wali's or sisters DON'T want to be a second wife,even if the brother was genuine and practising etc.

    Would sisters prefer to be single,divorced with kids and at home all there life ?

    If they ain't going to get married in there early 30's to 40's when will they end up getting married ?

    Also noticed sisters say that they want a man like the prophet or the sahaba's but then when it comes to pologamy then they reject it.

    Pls don't start to argue etc ,just thought i'd put my point across.
    I'm not personally against the idea, but some women will feel extremely crushed, hurt, heartbroken, emotionally unstable at the thought of their husband being with another woman. So in that case, yes, they might be better off single, at least until they can get over those feelings. Even women who agree to polygamy and think they can handle it may also feel all of those things.
    Blessed is He in Whose Hand is the Dominion, and He is Able to do all things. (67.1)

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    United Ummah you raise a good point, maybe we have just grown up in the west and then find it odd when a man wants to be with another woman, (wife) etc
    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
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    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by inprogress View Post
    I'm not personally against the idea, but some women will feel extremely crushed, hurt, heartbroken, emotionally unstable at the thought of their husband being with another woman. So in that case, yes, they might be better off single, at least until they can get over those feelings. Even women who agree to polygamy and think they can handle it may also feel all of those things.
    Yeah I agree. Some women really would prefer to stay single rather than deal with emotional devastation. Emotions can hurt a lot worse than being hungry does. These days it's also a lot easier for a woman to take care of herself (compared to 1400 years ago), so a lot of women don't really need a husband financially. They can afford to be picky and were raised to hate polygamy, which makes it hard for polygamous brothers to find good wives. I'm not saying it's right or fair, that's just what happens.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
    United Ummah you raise a good point, maybe we have just grown up in the west and then find it odd when a man wants to be with another woman, (wife) etc
    I think a lot of it has to do with the horror stories they hear of mistreatment and ect. No person wants to be replaced or have their benefits or attention reduced or taken away completely. The guys who abuse marriage give a bad name to all the other brothers who don't and it has a bad effect on the ummah as a whole...

  34. #34
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Green786 View Post
    Salaam

    This is a question for the single and married brothers.

    Would you consider having more than one wife?










    good luck
    wa aalaikum assalam

    I have sufficient fear of one wife, two feels like a heavy burden.

    But if a woman needs a husband to care for her I likely would have no choice. SubhanAllah, whoever thought marriage to more than 1 woman was an ease for the man would have re-evaluate their thinking.
    If you have any questions feel free to PM me!

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by MoMo. View Post


    No. Even one seems like a daunting task...
    Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu Hanzalah View Post
    Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.
    You calling every man in this Ummah that has one wife a metrosexual?

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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu Hanzalah View Post
    Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.
    Yeah but MoMo isn't like that. Truth is, it's daunting because we're not experienced, what with how hard marriage is today compared to yesterday anyway, and just upkeep and life today versus back then as well. He'll see how it is after marriage and maybe think the same or different.
    والمبادرة إلى التكفير إنما تغلب على طباع من يغلب عليهم الجهل - ابن تيمية رحمه الله - بغية المرتاد

    "Rushing towards takfir is an attitude which is dominant over those who are defeated by ignorance." - Ibn Taymiyyah Rahimahullah [Bughyatul Murtaad, page 354]

  38. #38
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by علي View Post
    Yeah but MoMo isn't like that. Truth is, it's daunting because we're not experienced, what with how hard marriage is today compared to yesterday anyway, and just upkeep and life today versus back then as well. He'll see how it is after marriage and maybe think the same or different.
    I've heard from experienced people that it is better to go in odd numbers. 1, or 3, rather than 2 or 4 although of course those are permissible. 2 means you'll be the unwanted meat in a bad sandwich. 3 means you'll have at least one ally at any given time. This is practical advice from those in the system!

  39. #39
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu Hanzalah View Post
    Of course it is daunting because we haven't been raised as true men. True men like Prophet Sulayman had 300 wives and 700 concubines and our Messenger had several. Many sahabah had several wives. The metrosexuals cannot handle more than 1 and the feminists cannot deal with being sister wives.
    How does having more than one wife make you a man? Maybe some people don't wana take the risk of being unable to treat all of them equally. There are a lot of reason for a man marrying more than one wife, just are there are a lot for a man staying with one.

    Also, daunting is not just the after marriage but actually finding the right person. Marriage ain't an easy thing like the good old days or else we would all be married right now with kids.
    [COLOR="#000000"][CENTER]Sisters, please do not PM or rep me :jkk:[/CENTER]

    [CENTER]Allah has promised those who have believed among you and done righteous deeds that He will surely grant them succession [to authority] upon the earth just as He granted it to those before them and that He will surely establish for them [therein] their religion which He has preferred for them and that He will surely substitute for them, after their fear, security, [for] they worship Me, not associating anything with Me. But whoever disbelieves after that - then those are the defiantly disobedient. [24:55]


    Allah will establish in strength those who believe, with the word that stands firm, in this world and in the Hereafter; but Allah will leave, to stray, those who do wrong: Allah doeth what He willeth. [14:27]

    "Seek help through Allah and be patient. Indeed, the earth belongs to Allah . He causes to inherit it whom He wills of His servants. And the [best] outcome is for the righteous." [7:128]

    (They are) those who, if We establish them in the land, establish regular prayer and give regular charity, enjoin the right and forbid wrong: with Allah rests the end (and decision) of (all) affairs. [22:41]
    [/CENTER][/COLOR]

    [CENTER][COLOR="#000000"]Narrated Ibn Umar (RA) that the Prophet :saw: said, "My livelihood is under the shade of my spear, and he who disobeys my orders will be humiliated."[Sahih Bukhari][/COLOR][/CENTER]

  40. #40
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    Re: Brothers, would you consider a second wife or another 3 more wives?

    Quote Originally Posted by MoMo. View Post
    How does having more than one wife make you a man? Maybe some people don't wana take the risk of being unable to treat all of them equally. There are a lot of reason for a man marrying more than one wife, just are there are a lot for a man staying with one.

    Also, daunting is not just the after marriage but actually finding the right person. Marriage ain't an easy thing like the good old days or else we would all be married right now with kids.
    We have to drain the feminists into the ocean or leave them marooned in an island. Then it will become easier for your MoMo to marry 1, 2, or more.


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