The Idea of Gender Roles in Islam

[al-siddiq]

Assalamu Alaikum

I've been here almost a year, and I still see so much debate on this sort of men vs women kind of ordeal.

So I'm just going to make this one point and give it to everyone straight.

For everyone's benefit, I went and actually asked very specifically this question. I got an answer. So you are free to read, or you are free to ignore, and even debate, but I hope that at least on the Day of Judgement I won't be held to account inshAllah as I tried to make it clear to the people here.


Allah created insaan (humans). Then he gave them roles based on their context. Politician in public affairs, fighter on the battlefield, mother in the home with children, son to the father, etc. Just like our entire life is based on roles, so Allah helped guide us by revealing to us actions and roles based on context.


So why do people get into these heated debates on what should men do and what should women do? Because we live under the ideas of liberalism. Liberalism deals with the idea that people should do whatever they want, and should be allowed to do whatever they want. Inherently, this idea leads loss of focus and direction, because the one in a liberalist society who sets direction is the same subjective human being who is acting.

What does this have to do with the men and women role debate? Because people just make up whatever roles they want and try to make it work. And sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.

Inherent to every role is it's focus. The children have a focus different from the parents. The wife different from the husband. The leader different from the follower.

Not everyone can lead the ummah. Not everyone can play husband. Not everyone can be the parents.

Which leads me to the main point, and to save time I am just going to be blunt:

The ahkam of Islam give the men the external roles and women the internal roles in general.

Why? Because men were created with certain strengths and weakness and women with others in general.

Allah warns men severely of pride, and of their weakness in terms of dealing with women. Allah warns women in terms of the strength of their emotions. This is why men can become so hard-headed and arrogant sometimes, and why society without control becomes male-centered. And this is also why women can engage in heavy backbiting, and act based on emotions.

Just in case anyone gets upset, these things have their ups and downs. The heavy logic-based thinking of men (in general) allows them to make tactical deisions, very cold and calculated. This also leads to insensitivity many times, however, and also arrogance. On the other hand, the strong emotions of women give them their great sense of intuition, their ability to understand how people feel and relate to them easier. It does also, however, sometimes lead to emotion over thought.

Now for some of the comments I hear.

Firstly, as indicated by the hadith in sahih Muslim and Bukhari, there were four women who were guaranteed jannah. And the reason for this (which is inherent in the title given to them) is that they reached perfection, as they were always able to overcome their emotion when it came to taking actions.

Secondly, there are comments about the rasool peace be upon him helping at home, and khadija raidalahu anha and her business. These are true, but they are taken out of context and generalized.

The rasool peace be upon him was the best husband to his wives, so he went to perfection to be this way. However, his main responsibility was always dealing with the political realities of the ummah (as it's leader), jihad in the path of Allah, dawah to the muslimeen, etc. These are external realities. He did help with house matters when he could, and he would also try to take certain tasks upon himself (like sewing for instance). But he had a main role and responsibilities, and these were external.

Khadija radiala tala anha did business, but she was in business after the rasool peace be upon him to continue to act as his supporter. That was her role, to be a supportive wife in his external work.

The khilafah of the Muslims provides for all women, based on their role. Thus there is always great incentive for the women to concentrate on their home, and use their spare time in matters of dawah, and other such things.

Thirdly, there are comments about if women manage the home, what about female only doctors and teachers. However, this is a case by case situation. In reality, women would not want to compromise the pleasure they earn with Allah azzawajal in the home for the minimal pleasure in the workforce. But in the cases were there is shortages, the khilafah would again create incentives to for there to be at least a few women who would be willing to sacrifice for the sake of the global ummah and still try to maintain their home life the same.

Also women deal with other things externally (just like the rasool peace be upon him did internally) in terms of dawah to sisters and other such things.

Fourthly, and finally, people mention 'choice' a lot. This is directly as a result of liberalist thinking. Because in reality, what rational Muslim would sacrificial greater rewards for lesser ones? Would you give up 10 houses in jannah for 1 house because of a choice in duniya you prefer? A rational human being would not. It is the same when it comes to fitting into a role. The dislike some people gain in their heart is because of what they observe of 'freedom' because the eyes are shortsighted and only see a few years into the future. They not only forget the reward of jannah, they also forget the misery that eventually catches up even in duniya.


I expect a lot of neg reps, but at least inshAllah ta'ala I have conveyed of knowledge what those with greater knowledge have conveyed to me and I hope to be spared the Wrath of Allah on the final day at least on this topic.

May Allah forgive me for mistakes or for using an incorrect style if I have. Allah good was from Him, and the bad from me.

Feel free to point out all the areas you think are weak or completely wrong, or if something doesn't fit I can always raise the issue up again and get clarification.

[Tamaties]

Thirdly, there are comments about if women manage the home, what about female only doctors and teachers. However, this is a case by case situation. In reality, women would not want to compromise the pleasure they earn with Allah azzawajal in the home for the minimal pleasure in the workforce. But in the cases were there is shortages, the khilafah would again create incentives to for there to be at least a few women who would be willing to sacrifice for the sake of the global ummah and still try to maintain their home life the same.

Unfortunately in todays times it seems they would. My sister was talking to my granny recently and was saying she wants to send her daughter to uni when she grows up. My granny was absolutely disgusted and gave her a mouthful. The old people understand this and didn't compromise a bit, nowadays its just excuses, justifications and more justifications to role swop and make Islam more palatable. May Allah Swt guide us. Ameen.

[naila-k]

But no one is saying the woman shouldnt take care of internal roles. I think this is what is being misunderstood.

For a man jannah lies under the feet of his mother, but he still has responsibility to his wife, neighborhood, community.

For a woman her way to jannah is her husband, but that also doesn't negate her responsibilities to her family, kids, neighbours, community.

So when we look at external, we have to look at what is pleasing to Allah. We have to think, the house is clean and food cooked, now what are my other responsibilities? Maintaining family ties, visiting or phoning in laws, helping sisters in need. The fitrah of a woman is emotional and caring, so her personality is more suited to the roles of teacher, nurse, and caring roles. It wouldn't be natural for men to do these roles which don't match their nature.

A lot of muslim women complain, "oh my kids don't get halal meals at school, they have to change for pe on mixed environment, they teaching 5 year olds sex ed" but through a mother being part of the community and attending a few meetings etc. she can easily change these things. For the benefit of the Muslims.

This is Dawah? Being a teacher is Dawah?

No one is saying the woman shouldn't look after the home or take the role of a man and be protector and maintainer.

I don't think any one is even saying women should work full time, or it is ok to leave kids in childcare for long periods.

I think this is all a big misunderstanding.

[*asiya*]

mens "internal roles"

The Messenger of Allah used to sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes. (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Sahih al-Jami, 4927).

Aisha radiAllahu anha she said of RasoolAllah

"He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself." (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671)

Aisha radiAllahu anha was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah used to do in his house, and she said, "He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 2/162).

Abdullah Ibn Jafar RadiAllahu anh said: "Whenever the Prophet came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husain and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madinah." (Sahih Muslim, 4/1885-2772; commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56).

[Tamaties]

But no one is saying the woman shouldnt take care of internal roles. I think this is what is being misunderstood.

For a man jannah lies under the feet of his mother, but he still has responsibility to his wife, neighborhood, community.

For a woman her way to jannah is her husband, but that also doesn't negate her responsibilities to her family, kids, neighbours, community.

So when we look at external, we have to look at what is pleasing to Allah. We have to think, the house is clean and food cooked, now what are my other responsibilities? Maintaining family ties, visiting or phoning in laws, helping sisters in need. The fitrah of a woman is emotional and caring, so her personality is more suited to the roles of teacher, nurse, and caring roles. It wouldn't be natural for men to do these roles which don't match their nature.

A lot of muslim women complain, "oh my kids don't get halal meals at school, they have to change for pe on mixed environment, they teaching 5 year olds sex ed" but through a mother being part of the community and attending a few meetings etc. she can easily change these things. For the benefit of the Muslims.

This is Dawah? Being a teacher is Dawah?

No one is saying the woman shouldn't look after the home or take the role of a man and be protector and maintainer.

I don't think any one is even saying women should work full time, or it is ok to leave kids in childcare for long periods.

I think this is all a big misunderstanding.

True, I agree. But unfortunately many take it too far and either border on or take in beyond what is Islamically permissible.

[oz99]

mens "internal roles"

The Messenger of Allah used to sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes. (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Sahih al-Jami, 4927).

Aisha radiAllahu anha she said of RasoolAllah

"He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself." (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671)

Aisha radiAllahu anha was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah used to do in his house, and she said, "He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 2/162).

Abdullah Ibn Jafar RadiAllahu anh said: "Whenever the Prophet came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husain and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madinah." (Sahih Muslim, 4/1885-2772; commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56).

So true.

This thread is stupid. It seems like men can do everything while women can't do anything.

[al-siddiq]

Unfortunately in todays times it seems they would. My sister was talking to my granny recently and was saying she wants to send her daughter to uni when she grows up. My granny was absolutely disgusted and gave her a mouthful. The old people understand this and didn't compromise a bit, nowadays its just excuses, justifications and more justifications to role swop and make Islam more palatable. May Allah Swt guide us. Ameen.

The fight between liberal society and Islam. Liberalism and Islam are polar opposites, because Islam is slavery and liberalism is freedom from slavery. Thus Islam restricts the life to give direction, and liberalism removes all restrictions in favor of no direction.

Allah is Greater than the human mind.

But no one is saying the woman shouldnt take care of internal roles. I think this is what is being misunderstood.

For a man jannah lies under the feet of his mother, but he still has responsibility to his wife, neighborhood, community.

For a woman her way to jannah is her husband, but that also doesn't negate her responsibilities to her family, kids, neighbours, community.

So when we look at external, we have to look at what is pleasing to Allah. We have to think, the house is clean and food cooked, now what are my other responsibilities? Maintaining family ties, visiting or phoning in laws, helping sisters in need. The fitrah of a woman is emotional and caring, so her personality is more suited to the roles of teacher, nurse, and caring roles. It wouldn't be natural for men to do these roles which don't match their nature.

A lot of muslim women complain, "oh my kids don't get halal meals at school, they have to change for pe on mixed environment, they teaching 5 year olds sex ed" but through a mother being part of the community and attending a few meetings etc. she can easily change these things. For the benefit of the Muslims.

This is Dawah? Being a teacher is Dawah?

No one is saying the woman shouldn't look after the home or take the role of a man and be protector and maintainer.

I don't think any one is even saying women should work full time, or it is ok to leave kids in childcare for long periods.

I think this is all a big misunderstanding.

I have agreed with this, however the reason for my post was that when you observe reality you will see that there has developed a superwoman complex. The problem is not that women are not allowed to work or go outside. The problem is that they are pushed to work, spend all their time in secular education, delay marriage, go get a career, etc.

They tackle this reality by:

A) Balancing everything, which is very hard and will lead to a burnout
B) Getting husband to share her a lot more of her internal role (which causes role confusion). Note here I am not referring to just taking care of say your clothes, help out once in a while, but actually dividing up home tasks in half.
C) Not getting married at all.

Based on surveys I've read and polls done, the overwhelming thoughts for women are not to stay at home all the time, rather it's to go out and work and do many external tasks. Because this is the popular idea and set of thoughts I have to address that. There are elements of the opposite, but those aren't the major ones which is why I think focusing on that would be a cause of even greater fitnah.

By the way lots of people do say that that women shouldn't focus on the home. I mean when was the last time you heard a woman say with pride "I am a housewife!" Society generally sees that as a demeaning, unaccomplished role and that is what I am trying to highlight inshAllah.

mens "internal roles"

The Messenger of Allah used to sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes. (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Sahih al-Jami, 4927).

Aisha radiAllahu anha she said of RasoolAllah

"He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself." (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671)

Aisha radiAllahu anha was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah used to do in his house, and she said, "He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 2/162).

Abdullah Ibn Jafar RadiAllahu anh said: "Whenever the Prophet came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husain and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madinah." (Sahih Muslim, 4/1885-2772; commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56).

Jazakillah khayr, the rasool peace be upon him was a husband of perfection may Allah aid the men in becoming more like him.

I can say personally trying to do everything is often quite hard but the rasool peace be upon him is after all the example for the men in being a husband. May Allah make it easy for us all.

So true.

This thread is stupid. It seems like men can do everything while women can't do anything.

This is precisely the thought liberalism has bred. "Men can do whatever they want, women can't do whatever they want."

Because doing whatever you want and being able to do lots is somehow a positive thing and restriction isn't. And being at home is oppressive and being outside is liberating.

Pure liberalism akhi, it is important we learn where kufr ideas are coming from and learn the islamic ideas that counter them. Otherwise we will be like sheep of the kuffar, who will follow them into hellfire.

[naila-k]

I agree with you bro.
I think more and more women are becoming proud of their housewife role, although they call it stay at home mum sahm.
Slowly the tides are turning. If you go to forums where women gather, you will find lots of proud sahms.

[muslimahc]

You know I thought of something. Since men are more physically stronger, I think they should do more of the housework mainly the more difficult cleanings. It would be being kind to your wife.

[naila-k]

yeah stuff like deep cleaning carpet with carpet machine etc it is better imo for men to do.

[muslimahc]

mens "internal roles"

The Messenger of Allah used to sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes. (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Sahih al-Jami, 4927).

Aisha radiAllahu anha she said of RasoolAllah

"He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself." (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671)

Aisha radiAllahu anha was also asked about what the Messenger of Allah used to do in his house, and she said, "He used to serve his family, then when the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 2/162).

Abdullah Ibn Jafar RadiAllahu anh said: "Whenever the Prophet came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him. One day we met him, Hasan, Husain and I. He carried one of us in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered Madinah." (Sahih Muslim, 4/1885-2772; commentary in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56).

Life would be so much easier if more men helped in the housework. Like I said in my above post, they are stronger and can do more work any way. I read an article about this. It pertained to non-muslims in America I think, but it can apply to muslims as well. A study found that men who did more housework got more intimate times with their partner. That makes sense as the wife is probably less exhausted since they help her out. Some men expect their wife to be superwoman do all the housework, sometimes work outside the home, take care of the kids, and look like a model at the end of the day. If men helped out, it would give their wife more time to do things like exercise and take care of her appearance like get her hair done or a maincure and pedicure. This will make her look more attractive for him. It can help make things run smoother in the home and good for the marriage. She will also be less exhasuted to fulfill his intimate needs which some men complain about. I think when both partners put work in the marriage instead of most of the burden falling on one partner will things be easier.

Sometimes I feel like as women we are expected to put all the work in keeping a marriage together when it takes two.

[faatima18]

The fight between liberal society and Islam. Liberalism and Islam are polar opposites, because Islam is slavery and liberalism is freedom from slavery. Thus Islam restricts the life to give direction, and liberalism removes all restrictions in favor of no direction.

Allah is Greater than the human mind.



I have agreed with this, however the reason for my post was that when you observe reality you will see that there has developed a superwoman complex. The problem is not that women are not allowed to work or go outside. The problem is that they are pushed to work, spend all their time in secular education, delay marriage, go get a career, etc.

They tackle this reality by:

A) Balancing everything, which is very hard and will lead to a burnout
B) Getting husband to share her a lot more of her internal role (which causes role confusion). Note here I am not referring to just taking care of say your clothes, help out once in a while, but actually dividing up home tasks in half.
C) Not getting married at all.

Based on surveys I've read and polls done, the overwhelming thoughts for women are not to stay at home all the time, rather it's to go out and work and do many external tasks. Because this is the popular idea and set of thoughts I have to address that. There are elements of the opposite, but those aren't the major ones which is why I think focusing on that would be a cause of even greater fitnah.

By the way lots of people do say that that women shouldn't focus on the home. I mean when was the last time you heard a woman say with pride "I am a housewife!" Society generally sees that as a demeaning, unaccomplished role and that is what I am trying to highlight inshAllah.



Jazakillah khayr, the rasool peace be upon him was a husband of perfection may Allah aid the men in becoming more like him.

I can say personally trying to do everything is often quite hard but the rasool peace be upon him is after all the example for the men in being a husband. May Allah make it easy for us all.



This is precisely the thought liberalism has bred. "Men can do whatever they want, women can't do whatever they want."

Because doing whatever you want and being able to do lots is somehow a positive thing and restriction isn't. And being at home is oppressive and being outside is liberating.

Pure liberalism akhi, it is important we learn where kufr ideas are coming from and learn the islamic ideas that counter them. Otherwise we will be like sheep of the kuffar, who will follow them into hellfire.

i agree with you completely

[TheMuslim]

Assalamu Alaikum

I've been here almost a year, and I still see so much debate on this sort of men vs women kind of ordeal.

So I'm just going to make this one point and give it to everyone straight.

For everyone's benefit, I went and actually asked very specifically this question. I got an answer. So you are free to read, or you are free to ignore, and even debate, but I hope that at least on the Day of Judgement I won't be held to account inshAllah as I tried to make it clear to the people here.


Allah created insaan (humans). Then he gave them roles based on their context. Politician in public affairs, fighter on the battlefield, mother in the home with children, son to the father, etc. Just like our entire life is based on roles, so Allah helped guide us by revealing to us actions and roles based on context.


So why do people get into these heated debates on what should men do and what should women do? Because we live under the ideas of liberalism. Liberalism deals with the idea that people should do whatever they want, and should be allowed to do whatever they want. Inherently, this idea leads loss of focus and direction, because the one in a liberalist society who sets direction is the same subjective human being who is acting.

What does this have to do with the men and women role debate? Because people just make up whatever roles they want and try to make it work. And sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.

Inherent to every role is it's focus. The children have a focus different from the parents. The wife different from the husband. The leader different from the follower.

Not everyone can lead the ummah. Not everyone can play husband. Not everyone can be the parents.

Which leads me to the main point, and to save time I am just going to be blunt:

The ahkam of Islam give the men the external roles and women the internal roles in general.

Why? Because men were created with certain strengths and weakness and women with others in general.

Allah warns men severely of pride, and of their weakness in terms of dealing with women. Allah warns women in terms of the strength of their emotions. This is why men can become so hard-headed and arrogant sometimes, and why society without control becomes male-centered. And this is also why women can engage in heavy backbiting, and act based on emotions.

Just in case anyone gets upset, these things have their ups and downs. The heavy logic-based thinking of men (in general) allows them to make tactical deisions, very cold and calculated. This also leads to insensitivity many times, however, and also arrogance. On the other hand, the strong emotions of women give them their great sense of intuition, their ability to understand how people feel and relate to them easier. It does also, however, sometimes lead to emotion over thought.

Now for some of the comments I hear.

Firstly, as indicated by the hadith in sahih Muslim and Bukhari, there were four women who were guaranteed jannah. And the reason for this (which is inherent in the title given to them) is that they reached perfection, as they were always able to overcome their emotion when it came to taking actions.

Secondly, there are comments about the rasool peace be upon him helping at home, and khadija raidalahu anha and her business. These are true, but they are taken out of context and generalized.

The rasool peace be upon him was the best husband to his wives, so he went to perfection to be this way. However, his main responsibility was always dealing with the political realities of the ummah (as it's leader), jihad in the path of Allah, dawah to the muslimeen, etc. These are external realities. He did help with house matters when he could, and he would also try to take certain tasks upon himself (like sewing for instance). But he had a main role and responsibilities, and these were external.

Khadija radiala tala anha did business, but she was in business after the rasool peace be upon him to continue to act as his supporter. That was her role, to be a supportive wife in his external work.

The khilafah of the Muslims provides for all women, based on their role. Thus there is always great incentive for the women to concentrate on their home, and use their spare time in matters of dawah, and other such things.

Thirdly, there are comments about if women manage the home, what about female only doctors and teachers. However, this is a case by case situation. In reality, women would not want to compromise the pleasure they earn with Allah azzawajal in the home for the minimal pleasure in the workforce. But in the cases were there is shortages, the khilafah would again create incentives to for there to be at least a few women who would be willing to sacrifice for the sake of the global ummah and still try to maintain their home life the same.

Also women deal with other things externally (just like the rasool peace be upon him did internally) in terms of dawah to sisters and other such things.

Fourthly, and finally, people mention 'choice' a lot. This is directly as a result of liberalist thinking. Because in reality, what rational Muslim would sacrificial greater rewards for lesser ones? Would you give up 10 houses in jannah for 1 house because of a choice in duniya you prefer? A rational human being would not. It is the same when it comes to fitting into a role. The dislike some people gain in their heart is because of what they observe of 'freedom' because the eyes are shortsighted and only see a few years into the future. They not only forget the reward of jannah, they also forget the misery that eventually catches up even in duniya.


I expect a lot of neg reps, but at least inshAllah ta'ala I have conveyed of knowledge what those with greater knowledge have conveyed to me and I hope to be spared the Wrath of Allah on the final day at least on this topic.

May Allah forgive me for mistakes or for using an incorrect style if I have. Allah good was from Him, and the bad from me.

Feel free to point out all the areas you think are weak or completely wrong, or if something doesn't fit I can always raise the issue up again and get clarification.

MashAllah - Well summarized

So true.

This thread is stupid. It seems like men can do everything while women can't do anything.

How old are you? Genuine question.

[oz99]

12.

[Tamaties]

12.

Stay away from marriage section kiddo, go biking instead, I wish I was 12 again.

[al-siddiq]

You know I thought of something. Since men are more physically stronger, I think they should do more of the housework mainly the more difficult cleanings. It would be being kind to your wife.

yeah stuff like deep cleaning carpet with carpet machine etc it is better imo for men to do.

I agree. Tasks like plumbing, construction, repair, electrical, heavy duty lifting and stuff should be what the husband does. And anything that of course requires more muscle!

[ayesha13]

So true. My sentiments exactly put so eloquently.