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  1. #1
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    Icon9 What to do/think?

    Assalamu'Alaykum.
    I am new here and would like some feedback, please no sarcastic comments or anything of that sort please.

    I recently got married and am now pregnant, in the middle of applying for my husbands visa so he can join me here in the UK.
    I live with my family at the moment as won't be able to afford my own place until atleast a few years.
    I've always been more 'old fashioned' or 'stricter' than my other family members.
    For example, my 2 sisters, 22 and 18, have grown up having boyfriends, me, I wouldn't even have dared to have a boyfriend. I used to always lecture them hence they used to hide things from me and my father as he was quite strict. My mother used to know everything.

    Recently, my dad has changed. Seems as though he cares more about his daughters 'liking' him than religion. He now knows they have boyfriends but doesnt say anything, doesn't even care anymore.

    I don't want my baby living in an environment where they think it's okay to have boyfriends, to swear 24/7, to look at their khalla's acting the way they act.
    I'm stuck here for at least a couple of years so don't know what to do..

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Member JaystarhOx''s Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Wasalaam,

    i understand what your saying aboutbringing your child up in this enviroment...
    Will it be possible for you to rent a place?
    and you should also tell your husband about the situation before he comes over...
    inshallah your husand will find a good job so you will be able to atleast rent a place
    and inshallah you and your husband will be great parents and your bab will grow up to become a good muslim

  3. #3
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Thank you so much
    My husband knows what their like, deep down I know he doesn't agree with it but he can't say anything to them as they are the type of girls who don't even care.

    Insha'Allah I'll be able to get my own place soon, as of now I really have no money to rent a place of my own Just hope my husband comes here soon and Insha'Allah gets a good job, thank you

    Quote Originally Posted by JaystarhOx' View Post
    Wasalaam,

    i understand what your saying aboutbringing your child up in this enviroment...
    Will it be possible for you to rent a place?
    and you should also tell your husband about the situation before he comes over...
    inshallah your husand will find a good job so you will be able to atleast rent a place
    and inshallah you and your husband will be great parents and your bab will grow up to become a good muslim

  4. #4
    umm sumaiya naila-k's Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    sis how many rooms in your house and how many people? are you working? if you privately rent you would get help with rent from council, may be an option.

    Recipes for all the family
    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

  5. #5
    میرے دل کا نور .mirror.'s Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?



    Sister, you're pregnant right now, so you still have a long way to go until your child becomes old enough to understand right and wrong. I'm sure your husband can mange to come to UK by that time. At most, it'll take a year or two, am I right?

    Also, you should talk to your father Make him realize and snap him out of this "liking them" phase and get back to "liking Islam." If anyone, you should make it clear to your father that you aren't going to risk your child's upbringing in this environment. Be firm and gentle, but don't sound as if you're trying to act better than them. insha:

    May Allah guide you family and bless you with a healthy pious baby.
    Call onto Allah, such that you are certain that He, al-Mujib wal-Kareem, will answer your call before you even lower your hands.
    وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ

  6. #6
    pariah *asiya*'s Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    maybe you could go and live with your husband instead of him coming to you and your family, it must be very difficult for u to be away from him especially when u are pregnant, may Allah grant u a healthy baby and an easy labour amin.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  7. #7
    my heart aches for Syria. Rememberer's Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Asalamu alaikum Sister,

    May Allah swt bless you and your baby with health. Ameen.

    I understand your dilemma since I have in-laws (who don't live with me, alhamdulillah) who do not live Islamic lifestyles as well and I shudder everytime I have to expose my soon-to-be-three year old to them. Once you are a practising muslim surrounded by non-practising persons, you will always face obstacles. Since you are,I assume, in your early stages of pregnancy, you still have time to work with your husband on finding a place to rent. But then,if he is now working on his visa,it may take him a while to get a job...so maybe if you can fix an area,say something like a small apartment within/off of your present home, then at least you'll have something resembling 'your own place'. If you start working on that from now, then by the time the baby comes, it shouldn't be too much of an issue when you retreat into your private chamber with your baby and hubby. Maybe some literature on raising kids, the islamic way, might help your dad to understand your stance too. Have patience,and most of all, make du'a, oh and your kid wouldn't understand the 'boyfriend concept' at least for a while...which might give you sufficient time to move out. Another perk of possibly staying there, is the extra hand when you're a new mom. I did it all alone, my husband worked very long hours when my daughter was younger,and there were many days I went hungry, because I just had no time to prepare something for myself to eat. A new Mum always needs a hand, at least with meals if her hubby is at work.

    Most of all,make du'a.
    May Allah make this easy for you. Ameen.

  8. #8
    bows out Fairy's Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Correct me if im wrong but dont people with babies get council houses in the UK?? Isnt that why non muslim girls wind up pregnant 'because i wanted a council house'

    I think by the time your daughter reaches 3 she will be out of there so they wont have an effect on her.

    and inshallah your sisters will come to their senses, and your dad? hmmm
    My ♥ only lets الله‎ in
    ‘O Allah, forgive me, have mercy upon me, guide me, give me health and grant me sustenance.’
    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”

  9. #9
    *bıɟɐɹɯıɯɐʇpɐʎızɯɯn* .: Anna :.'s Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
    Correct me if im wrong but dont people with babies get council houses in the UK?? Isnt that why non muslim girls wind up pregnant 'because i wanted a council house'
    dont think it is always quite as easy as people like to make out
    .: Rufaida :.
    .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.

    “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
    but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
    ~ Ibn Atallah


  10. #10
    Odan abu saalehah's Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Quote Originally Posted by *asiya* View Post
    maybe you could go and live with your husband instead of him coming to you and your family, it must be very difficult for u to be away from him especially when u are pregnant, may Allah grant u a healthy baby and an easy labour amin.
    this would be my advice, go live in the muslim lands if possible, or away from this filth and fitnah in your home anyway you can

  11. #11
    Odan abu saalehah's Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fairy View Post
    Correct me if im wrong but dont people with babies get council houses in the UK?? Isnt that why non muslim girls wind up pregnant 'because i wanted a council house'

    I think by the time your daughter reaches 3 she will be out of there so they wont have an effect on her.

    and inshallah your sisters will come to their senses, and your dad? hmmm
    yes a correction is needed.

    single people with kids get greater priority for social housing, but it doesn't get them too many extra points these days.

    But a young couple, who have a roof over their head, where the spouse is foreign, pretty certain they'll not be getting a council house anytime soon, they could put their name down but depending on their area it could be 8 or 9 years, or possibly far longer before they get a house.

  12. #12
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    Re: What to do/think?



    Talk to your Father. Make him aware of the seriousness of his daughters actions and him to be stead fast on the Deen.

    You need to show your family Islam. Talk to them etc...

    Your family will be beneficial to you in the future. Do not lose ties of Kinship.

    You are living with them so while you are there teach them,talk to them like Brother Mirror said.

    May Allah SWT guide your family and and make them Steadfast on the Deen and may he grant you a healthy wonderful baby. Ameen

  13. #13
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Quote Originally Posted by fakepromises View Post
    Assalamu'Alaykum.
    I am new here and would like some feedback, please no sarcastic comments or anything of that sort please.

    I recently got married and am now pregnant, in the middle of applying for my husbands visa so he can join me here in the UK.
    I live with my family at the moment as won't be able to afford my own place until atleast a few years.
    I've always been more 'old fashioned' or 'stricter' than my other family members.
    For example, my 2 sisters, 22 and 18, have grown up having boyfriends, me, I wouldn't even have dared to have a boyfriend. I used to always lecture them hence they used to hide things from me and my father as he was quite strict. My mother used to know everything.

    Recently, my dad has changed. Seems as though he cares more about his daughters 'liking' him than religion. He now knows they have boyfriends but doesnt say anything, doesn't even care anymore.

    I don't want my baby living in an environment where they think it's okay to have boyfriends, to swear 24/7, to look at their khalla's acting the way they act.
    I'm stuck here for at least a couple of years so don't know what to do..

    Any advice?
    Since you father use to be strict, could you talk to him? He may be understanding, and help you guys get a place of your own.

  14. #14
    Odan
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Quote Originally Posted by .: Anna :. View Post
    dont think it is always quite as easy as people like to make out
    yep. one of my brother in-law's married and has a kid, he applied to council and waited 2 years before getting a house finally. all depends on people situations, if your at risk of living on streets or someone in your family wants to kill you lol, then you will get moved quicker. thats why lot of people resort to lying and cheating. stupid.

  15. #15
    umm sumaiya naila-k's Avatar
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    Re: What to do/think?

    yes but if you rent privately you will still get housing benefit. you dont need to wait for a council place to move out.

    Recipes for all the family
    (and you thought I was a lazy feminazi which can't cook?)

  16. #16
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    Re: What to do/think?

    Thank you for all the replies

    I guess all I can do really is wait until my husband comes here and then Insha'Allah rent a small place for the time being until we are able to find a proper place to live.

    It's all just so hard, Insha'Allah everything goes well, thank you everyone


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