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Thread: tarbiah

  1. #1
    Senior Member Curious George's Avatar
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    tarbiah

    assalamu alaykoum

    ive tried establishing salah, ground rules, n rewards like food, playtime n outings for my brother who is nearly baligh. hes getting mixed messages cos my parents are laidback whilst im not n im worried that he might just explode. ive tried everything for the last 3 months n its absolutely frustrating. are there any other tips, advice, anything?

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    Reliance & Contentment Dhurrah's Avatar
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    Re: tarbiah

    Wa Alaykumussalaam wa Rahmatullah,

    Is he homeschooling?

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    Re: tarbiah

    Perhaps taking him to mosque for one or more than one prayers and then coming back together can help you guys bond better and provide him a window to discuss his thoughts.

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    Senior Member Curious George's Avatar
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    Re: tarbiah

    no he goes to a crappy state school n islamic schools here are no better either

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    Re: tarbiah

    Walaykumasalaam Warahmatullah,

    Georgey Porgey it's his parents' responsibility to instill this, not ours an there's only so much you can do/influence him, coz if his parent's aren't doing it then why should he take it from you? An if you ain't gettin that support from them, then of course he'll only take so much from you.

    You do your bit, encourage him, teach him, help him etc let him see/know the boundaries from you, but it's the parent's role.

    An this is why you gotta be seriously mentally/physically/emotionally prepared for parenthood coz it's a huge responsibility which scares me sometimes
    Do not misinterpret or add your own flow and ideas to my posts. Take it all at face value. If you don't understand something I've written then ask for clarification. I am not responsible for your thoughts or additions to my posts. You only have yourself to blame and I am free from what you attribute to me.

  6. #6
    Reliance & Contentment Dhurrah's Avatar
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    Re: tarbiah

    Quote Originally Posted by Curious George View Post
    no he goes to a crappy state school n islamic schools here are no better either
    Unfortunately, schools are very influential. And if he isn't mixing with the right group of people/peers, then it can become even more stressful. That's why it's not only important to establish the rules, but also to find out who he mixes with at school, and what they are like (in terms of what they're inclined towards in life) because that will influence greatly how your brother views the world.

    If he can't do the Fard now, he'll find it difficult when he's matured. You teach him in small steps. Inspire him with the stories of the Sahabah (RadiyAllahu Anhum). Share stories that he can relate to. For example, if he is finding it difficult to pray the five times Salah, tell him about someone else who does pray it regularly and is young like him, and the rewards that await him, InshaAllah. Explain to him how Jannah is waiting, and that by reciting the Dhikr of Allah Taala, beautiful trees are being planted for him there.

    There are some really interesting Salah charts on the net. I use it for my own sibling. And he knows there are incentives if he can complete a whole week without any missed prayers. Your brother might find it slightly childish as he's older, but you could try it with him, InshaAllah.

    But as someone suggested, there's only so much you can do being a sibling, unless you're the sole carer of the child. I've noticed when parents aren't there for a while, it's easier to set a strict routine, and siblings tend to follow Alhamdulillah (knowing there isn't much choice but to listen). Whereas, when parents are there (and Alhamdulillah my parents aren't laid back), although they have the same routine/rules, children can become less inclined because they know if they persist long enough, they can get away.

    Leeways should be there, not in regards to Fard of course (i.e. time granted to what they like doing if they're practising what you are asking/teaching them to - within halaal means), otherwise, like you said, they will explode. The key is, not to teach him everything in one go. Let him take one step at a time. And yes, don't just teach, teach, teach, but also listen to what he has to say. Understand him, and where he is coming from. It'll help you understand which angle you need to look at him from. And then help him from there, InshaAllah.

    If your parents are laid back, encourage them to support you. Because really, it's important that parents play the larger role in the upbringing their son/daughter.

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    Senior Member Curious George's Avatar
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    Re: tarbiah

    Quote Originally Posted by F_R View Post
    Walaykumasalaam Warahmatullah,

    Georgey Porgey it's his parents' responsibility to instill this, not ours an there's only so much you can do/influence him, coz if his parent's aren't doing it then why should he take it from you? An if you ain't gettin that support from them, then of course he'll only take so much from you.

    You do your bit, encourage him, teach him, help him etc let him see/know the boundaries from you, but it's the parent's role.

    An this is why you gotta be seriously mentally/physically/emotionally prepared for parenthood coz it's a huge responsibility which scares me sometimes
    i cant exactly do my bit, go out of my ways n waste my time when, at this rate, hes going to turn astray just like any other average kid. shall i stop? its not making any diff, make du-a for me

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    Senior Member Curious George's Avatar
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    Re: tarbiah

    Quote Originally Posted by Dhurrah View Post
    Unfortunately, schools are very influential. And if he isn't mixing with the right group of people/peers, then it can become even more stressful. That's why it's not only important to establish the rules, but also to find out who he mixes with at school, and what they are like (in terms of what they're inclined towards in life) because that will influence greatly how your brother views the world.

    If he can't do the Fard now, he'll find it difficult when he's matured. You teach him in small steps. Inspire him with the stories of the Sahabah (RadiyAllahu Anhum). Share stories that he can relate to. For example, if he is finding it difficult to pray the five times Salah, tell him about someone else who does pray it regularly and is young like him, and the rewards that await him, InshaAllah. Explain to him how Jannah is waiting, and that by reciting the Dhikr of Allah Taala, beautiful trees are being planted for him there.

    There are some really interesting Salah charts on the net. I use it for my own sibling. And he knows there are incentives if he can complete a whole week without any missed prayers. Your brother might find it slightly childish as he's older, but you could try it with him, InshaAllah.

    But as someone suggested, there's only so much you can do being a sibling, unless you're the sole carer of the child. I've noticed when parents aren't there for a while, it's easier to set a strict routine, and siblings tend to follow Alhamdulillah (knowing there isn't much choice but to listen). Whereas, when parents are there (and Alhamdulillah my parents aren't laid back), although they have the same routine/rules, children can become less inclined because they know if they persist long enough, they can get away.

    Leeways should be there, not in regards to Fard of course (i.e. time granted to what they like doing if they're practising what you are asking/teaching them to - within halaal means), otherwise, like you said, they will explode. The key is, not to teach him everything in one go. Let him take one step at a time. And yes, don't just teach, teach, teach, but also listen to what he has to say. Understand him, and where he is coming from. It'll help you understand which angle you need to look at him from. And then help him from there, InshaAllah.

    If your parents are laid back, encourage them to support you. Because really, it's important that parents play the larger role in the upbringing their son/daughter.
    his peers are studious, however not muslims. he bases things systematically in whatever he does n must have an end solution, otherwise he would be disinterested. thats why i tried to establish the fara-idh with the purpose n ultimate results, which interested him n i knew he had the youthful energy until my parents butted in. did the salah chart work for ur brother? n how long did it take for him to adap t to it?

  9. #9
    Reliance & Contentment Dhurrah's Avatar
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    Re: tarbiah

    Quote Originally Posted by Curious George View Post
    his peers are studious, however not muslims. he bases things systematically in whatever he does n must have an end solution, otherwise he would be disinterested. thats why i tried to establish the fara-idh with the purpose n ultimate results, which interested him n i knew he had the youthful energy until my parents butted in. did the salah chart work for ur brother? n how long did it take for him to adap t to it?
    Yes, Alhamdulillah, so far so good. He is 8. He started from Day 1 of the chart, putting little crosses for Fajr, and ticks for Dhuhr, Asr, Maghrib and Isha. It didn't take him time to adapt to it, because he was praying on and off before that, however with the chart, he's more aware of the salah times now, MashaAllah. He now goes up to the prayer timetable himself, to check what time each prayer comes in, MashaAllah. So it's given him a boost.


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