Can I do a Nikah??

[zaraa]

I really am so confused on whether it is right for me to go ahead with doing a nikah and I would be so grateful for all replies...

I am a 20 year female and recently I have tried to change myself to become a better muslim. I know i've commtied many sins, but I am trying to put things right now and live a good life Allah wants us muslim to. The problem is I have been in a relationship for over three years now and I want to do a nikah, so I can stop commiting a sin. But my parents will NOT agree to a relationship of my choice. Its not that anything is wrong with the guy, but because it HAS to be their choice who I marry. They have in their mind for me to marry a cousin of mine, but he is not someone I want to spend my life with as he doesn't live his life as a good muslim and if he has no respect for his mom what respect will he have for me? Also because I have been in this relationship for over 3 years I know this guy shares the same dreams as me and Inshallah I can do the Nikah to stop commiting sins. My sister knows about him and she has advised I do the Nikah ( My sister would never let me do something where she wasn't sure it was right, she knows he is a good person). Nikah isn't a game I understand and I hope that you all can understand how serious I feel about this. I need you to understand that my parents will NEVER accept this marriage, no matter who spoke to them. I've read on the interenet that a girl should not be forced into a marriage as the marriage would then be invalid. I know that I could not marry another person. My feelings are too strong and therfore I wish to do the Nikah asap. Please can someone tell me I am able to do the Nikah without the consent of my parents.

Thank you

[rackspace]

nikah needs a mahram from the women side. its not possible for you to get married with out a mahram. not islamically.

[oz99]

nikah needs a mahram from the women side. its not possible for you to get married with out a mahram. not islamically.

Who is a mahram? Is this only the father, or can it be someone else?

[zaraa]

What do you mean by mahram?

If my sister was to be a witness from my side would that be ok and a female friend of mine who has converted to a muslim? I've been told if you can't have your father, or any male relative as a witness from the girl side, then you'll need two female witnesses present for the nikah to be valid. Is this right?

From his side he'll have two male friends as witnesses.

[*asiya*]

What do you mean by mahram? If my sister was to be a witness from my side would that be ok and a friend of mine who has converted to a muslim? I've been told if you can't have your father, or any male relative as a witness, then you'll need to female witnesses from my side of the nikah for it to be valid. Is this right?

you need to have your wali present to marry, the prophet said any woman who marries without the permission of her walli her marriage is invalid, invalid invalid " if your father is a muslim, then he is your wali. you cannot just change wali at a whim.

you also need two male muslim witnesses present, and the marriage is conducted by the wali.

[*asiya*]

also its important to be aware that there are also conditions to who u can marry, ie: if u were in a haram relationship with a man, then you need to repent from that, as does he before either of you could think about marrying each other.he would then need to approach your wali, and ask his permission to marry you.you cant just go off and marry in secret. the wali and the witnesses are there for a specific reason, they arent just a formality theres a lot of widom in the way islamic marriage is carried out. should anything that was agreed upon at the time of the nikkah the witnesses will testify to that, hence they need to be trustworthy, and the wali also need to look at the character of the man u want to marry, as he is responsible for u before Allah.

sister im thinking u need to go back a few steps first and learn about what it means to be a muslim, seems there are a few things that are out of place. maybe concentrate on praying ur salat on time every day and site and contemplate and take a look at where things have been going wrong for u insha Allah. If we can help with anything then please ask away inshaAllah.

[MWarrior]

You need a 'wali' (guardian) to fulfill one of the conditions of a nikah and your sister is not eligible to be one 'cos one of the criteria is a 'muslim male'.

[shikran]

What do you mean by mahram?

If my sister was to be a witness from my side would that be ok and a female friend of mine who has converted to a muslim? I've been told if you can't have your father, or any male relative as a witness from the girl side, then you'll need two female witnesses present for the nikah to be valid. Is this right?

From his side he'll have two male friends as witnesses.

according to hanfi fiq.. you can do marriage without your parents consent..

AFA witnesses r concerned, according 2 Shariah, there must be at least 2 male witnesses or 1 male witness nd two female witnesses 2 witness the proposal nd acceptance of the boy nd girl.

[*asiya*]

according to hanfi fiq.. you can do marriage without your parents consent..

AFA witnesses r concerned, according 2 Shariah, there must be at least 2 male witnesses or 1 male witness nd two female witnesses 2 witness the proposal nd acceptance of the boy nd girl.

we have clear hadith of the prophet that nikkah is invalid without a wali, and u want to come along and tell a young girl whoose nafs are totally in control of her that she can sneak off and marry behind her parents back and not only that but she can have a couple of women witness it.

imagine that was your daughter..

because u just told your sister she can go do that..

[S-MAN]

I think the parents are fighting a losing battle and could be spared the headache of a later failed marriage of their daughter with a cousin plus all the clan fallout which they'll go through.

They need some elderly or senior relative to explain your case to them. In this way a legitimacy of your current relationship can occur with the Islamic Nikah.

The parents need to be awoken to the need to get this Nikah over and done with asap.

[*asiya*]

He married a woman without a guardian ( wali)




Firstly:

It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her guardian, whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa’i, Maalik and Ahmad. This is based on evidence which includes the following:

The verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands”

[al-Baqarah 2:232]

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone)”

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

“and marry those among you who are single”

[al-Noor 24:32]

The point here is that these verses clearly stipulate that there be a guardian in marriage, because Allaah is addressing the guardian with regard to the marriage of the woman under his care. If the matter were up to her and not him, there would be no need to address him.

It is indicative of Imam al-Bukhaari’s deep understanding of issues of sharee’ah that he quoted these verses in a chapter which he entitled “Baab man qaala la nikaaha illa bi wali (Chapter on those who say that there is no marriage without a guardian).”

It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318)

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1840)

Secondly: If her guardian prevents her from marrying the person she wants for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the role of guardian passes to the next closest relative, so it passes from the father to the grandfather, for example.

Thirdly: if all of her guardians prevent her from getting married for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the ruler is her guardian, because of the hadeeth quoted above (“…If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian”)

Fourthly: if there is no guardian and no ruler, then her marriage is to be arranged by a man who has authority in the place where she is, such as the head of a village, or the governor of a province, and so on. If there is no such person, then she should appoint a trustworthy Muslim man to arrange her marriage.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If there is no relative who can act as her guardian, then the position of guardian passes to the one who is most fit among those who have any kind of authority in matters other than marriage, such as the head of a village, the leader of a caravan, and so on.

Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 350.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If a woman does not have a guardian and there is no ruler, then there was narrated from Ahmad that which indicates that her marriage should be arranged by a man of sound character, with her permission.

Al-Mughni, 9/362.

Shaykh ‘Umar al-Ashqar said:

If there is no ruler of the Muslims, or if the woman is in a place where the Muslims have no ruler, and she has no guardian at all, like the Muslims in America and elsewhere, if there are Islamic institutions in that country that take care of the Muslims’ affairs, then they should arrange her marriage. The same applies if the Muslims have a leader who is in charge or someone who is responsible for their affairs.

Al-Waadih fi Sharh Qanoon al-Ahwaal al-Shakhsiyyah al-Urduni, p. 70

The marriage contract must be witnessed by two adult male Muslims of sound mind.

Hence you have to repeat your marriage contract, and it is essential that the woman’s guardian be present, as stated above, as well as two witnesses.

And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

[*asiya*]

There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.

There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.

There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:

Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.

Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)

The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)

The conditions of the walee are as follows:

He should be of sound mind

He should be an adult

He should be free (not a slave)

He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.

He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.

He should be male, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)

He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.

The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.

And Allaah knows best.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

[.mirror.]

according to hanfi fiq.. you can do marriage without your parents consent..

AFA witnesses r concerned, according 2 Shariah, there must be at least 2 male witnesses or 1 male witness nd two female witnesses 2 witness the proposal nd acceptance of the boy nd girl.

we have clear hadith of the prophet that nikkah is invalid without a wali, and u want to come along and tell a young girl whoose nafs are totally in control of her that she can sneak off and marry behind her parents back and not only that but she can have a couple of women witness it.

imagine that was your daughter..

because u just told your sister she can go do that..

Even though what Shikran is saying is correct, I recommend you both edit your posts. Just so it will avoid confusion for the OP.

[apolo]

jazak allah for quoting authentic references, i was unaware of these facts.

[shikran]

we have clear hadith of the prophet that nikkah is invalid without a wali, and u want to come along and tell a young girl whoose nafs are totally in control of her that she can sneak off and marry behind her parents back and not only that but she can have a couple of women witness it.

imagine that was your daughter..

because u just told your sister she can go do that..

did u read my post ? re read it .. i have already provided enough proof frm the Quran nd Hadith

"There is no marriage without a guardian (wali)."

This narration is a lone-narrated report (khabar wahid) and not decisive as proof and therefore cannot condition the general purport of the Qur'an. The negation "la nikah" is interpreted not to refer to the validity of the marriage contract, but rather to propriety according to the Hanafi scholars. There are many other examples of this such as the Prophet's saying;

"None believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."

(Sahih Bukhari, Kitabul Iman, Hadith 12)

Herein the particle of negation is not a negation of one's iman in reality but rather a nafi al kamal (negation of perfect ness). The same is the case with the nikah; it will be considered valid but seeking the consent of the guardian is highly recommended.
(Bahr al Ra'iq, bab al awliya' wa'l akfaa'; Bada`i al Sana`i, fasl wa ama al wilayat al nadbwal istihbab)

The same is the case with all the other narrations on the issue. None of them are decisive - intransmission or meaning - as proof and the probabilistic simply cannot condition the decisive.

[*asiya*]

Even though what Shikran is saying is correct, I recommend you both edit your posts. Just so it will avoid confusion for the OP.

even in this one opinion attributed to the hanafi madhab, the nikkah is incomplete without the consent of the wali, so lets not give out half the information, say its correct and leave out the most important part, the nikkah will still be incomplete without the wali.

and two women cannot be witnesses at a nikkah. they must be muslim, male, sane, and above the age of puberty,

[shikran]

Sayyidah Ayshah reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said,

“If any woman marrieswithout the consent of her guardian then her marriage is void. Her marriage is void.Her marriage is void."

1(Jami' Tirmidhi, Kitabul Nikah, )

It is interpreted to mean that it is not very beneficial. Such usage of the word "batil" is also present in the Qur'an in the verse:

"You have not created this in vain (batilan)." (3: 191)

It is also possible to understand such narrations as being specific to a woman who is not an adult yet, or the marriage of a woman to someone non-suitable (ghayr kuf').
(Ibid; `Ila al Sunan)

Rather, Imam Zayla'i mentions "Bukhari and Ibn Ma`in stated that there is no sound narration in this section - concerning the condition of a guardian."

[*asiya*]

la howla wala qawata illah billah..

[.mirror.]

even in this one opinion attributed to the hanafi madhab, the nikkah is incomplete without the consent of the wali, so lets not give out half the information, say its correct and leave out the most important part, the nikkah will still be incomplete without the wali.

and two women cannot be witnesses at a nikkah. they must be muslim, male, sane, and above the age of puberty,

It is a valid stance of the Hanafi scholars. However, you're right. The sister should make the effort to talk to her parents and get solution to this. The scholars did not say, you can go and marry freely whenever you feel like without telling your parents.

[*asiya*]

jazak allah for quoting authentic references, i was unaware of these facts.

wa iyakka amin

[zaraa]

If there was 1% chance of my parents saying yes to our nikah, I wouldn't be asking on here...

I am really torn apart about how I can do my nikah the right way. If I haven't made it clear enough then let me say it one more time MY PARENTS WILL N-E-V-E-R ACCEPT A MARRIAGE OF MY CHOICE. In islam it says a girl cannot be forced into a marriage, if it happens this will be invalid and she will burn in hell for having fear to stand up to her parents, when the only person she should fear is Allah. And she shouldn't go through a marriage she knows she is not happy in. What can a person do in this situation? No-one actually understands how hard it really is

[i.badat]

according to hanfi fiq.. you can do marriage without your parents consent..

AFA witnesses r concerned, according 2 Shariah, there must be at least 2 male witnesses or 1 male witness nd two female witnesses 2 witness the proposal nd acceptance of the boy nd girl.

we have clear hadith of the prophet that nikkah is invalid without a wali, and u want to come along and tell a young girl whoose nafs are totally in control of her that she can sneak off and marry behind her parents back and not only that but she can have a couple of women witness it.

imagine that was your daughter..

because u just told your sister she can go do that..

Even though what Shikran is saying is correct, I recommend you both edit your posts. Just so it will avoid confusion for the OP.

Perfect example of the disadvantage of having fatwas posted on the internet like this. They can easily be taken out of context to suit our needs..

Thats why we should keep a constant contact with scholars, so when situations arise, the scholar knows the background, and can give personalised advice..

[.mirror.]

Sister, talk to an Imam in your area and get him involved to talk to your parents.

If there was 1% chance of my parents saying yes to our nikah, I wouldn't be asking on here...

I am really torn apart about how I can do my nikah the right way. If I haven't made it clear enough then let me say it one more time MY PARENTS WILL N-E-V-E-R ACCEPT A MARRIAGE OF MY CHOICE. In islam it says a girl cannot be forced into a marriage, if it happens this will be invalid and she will burn in hell for having fear to stand up to her parents, when the only person she should fear is Allah. And she shouldn't go through a marriage she knows she is not happy in. What can a person do in this situation? No-one actually understands how hard it really is

I don't think it says that↑ (that she will burn in hell) anywhere. =/

[.mirror.]

Perfect example of the disadvantage of having fatwas posted on the internet like this. They can easily be taken out of context to suit our needs..

Thats why we should keep a constant contact with scholars, so when situations arise, the scholar knows the background, and can give personalised advice..

I don't see anything wrong with posting ruling so internet. Of course, these rulings have their own context. and people should understand that.

Internet doesn't replace a real-life scholar, though.

[i.badat]

Yep..there are advantages to having rulings posted, its just that people need to be aware of the disadvantages at the same time..

Just my 2 pence..Allah forgive me if I am wrong..

[zaraa]

I'm just going to call a majid tomorrow and hope I can go ahead with the nikah. My situation is really complicated

[*asiya*]

If there was 1% chance of my parents saying yes to our nikah, I wouldn't be asking on here...

I am really torn apart about how I can do my nikah the right way. If I haven't made it clear enough then let me say it one more time MY PARENTS WILL N-E-V-E-R ACCEPT A MARRIAGE OF MY CHOICE. In islam it says a girl cannot be forced into a marriage, if it happens this will be invalid and she will burn in hell for having fear to stand up to her parents, when the only person she should fear is Allah. And she shouldn't go through a marriage she knows she is not happy in. What can a person do in this situation? No-one actually understands how hard it really is

sister, Allah is in control of the hearts so obey Allah and make duaa and trust in Allah. you are right no one can force u to marry someone u dont want to, you just have to keep the lines of communication open with your parents, and speak to them nicely about it and explain your situation, and if necessary then get in touch with someone from your family who can support you and help your parents to understand. do u have any nice uncles or aunts maybe insha Allah, do u know any good imams insha Allah, have ur sister speak with them too, help them to accept that u are not interested in marrying your cousin.

but one big problem with all of this is u said that u want to do nikkah to stop comitting sins.. u cant just go do nikkah and it makes a haram relationship halal. there are steps u have to take first, and nothing good is ever going to come out of something that started in disobedience to Allah, u need to break contact with your boyfreind and u both need to take steps to turn back to Allah, if you do that things will look a lot different insha Allah.

[.mirror.]

Sis, you should really ask them to speak to your parents, not arrange your nikah without your parents' permission.

You're going to upset your parents by getting married behind their backs.

[*asiya*]

I'm just going to call a majid tomorrow and hope I can go ahead with the nikah. My situation is really complicated

sister, dont rush into anything. what are u expecting to do just go back home after nikkah and pack ur stuff and swan off with your man ? do u honestly think your parents are going to just let u walk out like that and wish u both well ? and what about when they find out ( and they will ) that this man is the boyfreind of three years ? you think they are ever going to be able to look him in the eye and not think about how he was sneaking around behind their backs ? its the worst thing u could do.

[*asiya*]

has he even tried in the three years to speak to your father ? did he ever go and ask for ur hand in marriage ?

[zaraa]

If you knew my parents only then you would understand how hard my life really is. I don't wanna do anything wrong, but Allah can see my situation. I didn't choose to be in this situation, but I am and I don't see my life with anyone, but the guy I want to do my nikah with. If my parents were as nice as you saying talk to them, get your sis to, other people to then I wouldn't be stressing. But I am and I have NO solution to my problem

[i.badat]

I'm just going to call a majid tomorrow and hope I can go ahead with the nikah. My situation is really complicated

If you do decide to go ahead with this, I would think that you would rather make an appointment to meet the Imam, and then lay out the complete story in front of him, so he knows your complete situation..then he will advise what is in the best interest for you..

Keep an open mind, listen to the Imam's reasoning..

Remember love is blinding, but Allah loves us soo much more than anyone else..I mean, even though we sin so much, Allah still keeps feeding us, his mercy knows no bounds..

[.mirror.]

Sister, the reality is that they are your parents. That alone puts them in a position where Allah demands and commands you to respect them.

If you want to do the right thing, then take the right path and inform your parents.

Put your trust in Allah and He will make a way out for you.

Though, I will say that you have committed a big mistake by getting so attached to a non-mahram man who is not halal for you.

[zaraa]

Ye he has, thats why I said there is no chance of my parents agreeing. And like I already said, its not because their is something wrong with him, its purely because it has to be my parents choice. Whhich they think my cousin. I don't want that. They've already ruined my sisters life and I don't want the same life as her. My parents don't go by islam, but culture and thats why i'm sick of being told i need their permisson. I hate this all

[.mirror.]

Sister, honestly speaking, I'd never want my daughter marrying a man who has been in a relationship with her for 3 years. How can you say there's nothing wrong with him when you both were in a haram relationship?

I'd make her stop this relationship, repent, and improve herself as a Muslimah. Then, seek a pious husband for her.

[*asiya*]

If you knew my parents only then you would understand how hard my life really is. I don't wanna do anything wrong, but Allah can see my situation. I didn't choose to be in this situation, but I am and I don't see my life with anyone, but the guy I want to do my nikah with. If my parents were as nice as you saying talk to them, get your sis to, other people to then I wouldn't be stressing. But I am and I have NO solution to my problem

thats not true sister

"and whoever fears Allah, He will make a way out for him and will provide for him from sources he never imagined" surah talaq.

but u need to fear Allah first and do the right thing if u want the help of Allah.

[*asiya*]

Ye he has, thats why I said there is no chance of my parents agreeing. And like I already said, its not because their is something wrong with him, its purely because it has to be my parents choice. Whhich they think my cousin. I don't want that. They've already ruined my sisters life and I don't want the same life as her. My parents don't go by islam, but culture and thats why i'm sick of being told i need their permisson. I hate this all

no one is saying u have to marry the cousin, you marry who you want to, and if the brother had been rejected then u could have gone to the imam and said i want to marry this good brother, but my father said no because hes not my cousin, then things could have been different,if ur father had an unislamic reason for refusing him, then u might have had the imam speak to ur father and make him understand and the imam may have become ur wali because of ur father refusing islam, and had u married.

but u went and had a relationship with him and now that changes everything, and its not that simple anymore.

im not saying this to make u feel bad sister, im telling u how it is, seriously if i was u i would go pray two rakat and pray istikarah and ask Allah to guide u to what is good for you.

and istikarah is not something u get a dream or some vision from doing, its a duaa asking Allah to guide u to what is best for u and to take away what is bad for u, and asking Allah to help u accept his decree.


i know this culture stuff is a nightmare to deal with, i have seen and heard so many ppl suffering from it, and its not right, and its not fair for families to do that to their children, its so very wrong.


but you cant become one of the wrongdoers just because someone is doing u wrong. you have to be patient do the right thing and trust in Allah.

[Medievalist]

If you're going to get married then speak with your mother/sisters and they will convey this to your father/brothers. In no situation should you run off and marry like a thief. If this guy is so fantastic and mature enough for marriage then he should be mature enough to come and ask for you. If he's saying "let's get married and sort the rest out later" then he is a coward and a weak person. Either you are big enough to make the decisino of marriage yourself, in which case don't do it as a thief slinks off and does his crime but do it as adults and in the open with families present. Or you are not yet mature enough to take this decision, in which case speak to your female relatives to speak to your father and get the ball rolling that way.

[zaraa]

I know i've done wrong going into a relationship to begin with, but thats what I said in my first message, i'm trying to change and become a good muslim. in islam the final answer to a marrriage is down to the girl and guy. parents can't force you into marriage. so if my parents don't agree then how am i doing wrong? They want me married to a guy who is living like a kaffir? Who has no respect for his own mother. In islam if a girl can't be forced into a marriage then does that mean I won't ever marry? Because my parents won't agree to the person I want my nikah with? and I won't accept any other person

[AbuMubarak]

impetuous youth

i remember those days

may i never have to repeat them again

sister, i know your heart is telling you to rush, but dont

this is a life long decision, i wish i could tell you all of the youth that i know personally who thought they were doing the right thing by circumventing the correct way, everytime, it was a disaster

do you want that? i would hope not

just be patient and be correct

its better to debate with your parents than to go behind their backs, if they are oppressive, then there are other ways, but sneaking is not one of them

be an honorable woman so you can raise honorable children and you can be an honorable wife

if you are sneaky as a daughter, you will be sneaky as a wife