I've been having this problem for a while now. I was an overweight, and unattractive teenager with low self-esteem and never got attention from guys. At the end of my last high school year though, I lost weight, and began grooming myself which caused a lot of attention from guys. Ever since then I started going out with boys, and even had my first kiss. Then one day, I ended up going out with an older guy who basically forced me to make out with him. I was vulnerable and afraid, so I went with it. After that I repented and promised I would never put myself in that position again. Nevertheless, I continued talking to several other guys, as I would get bored of one after a while and move on to the next. I repented again, and said I would stop communicating with guys. 2 years later, I met another guy who seemed quite decent, and I attempted to pursue a halal 'relationship'. I told him we wouldn't touch, and just meet in a public area for the purpose of getting to know each other for marriage. He agreed, and we were together for one year without touching or anything. Sadly, I'm 20 now and after that 1 'clean year together', I'm still with this guy and we have started to kiss and makeout. I feel EXTREMELY ashamed. I don't know why I cannot get out of this cycle. I keep repenting and trying to stay away from all this guy business... But it just wont work. After I end things with 1 guy, another one comes along and I cannot contain myself. I have not had intercourse, but I'm afraid if I keep going like this, I might make that mistake one day as well.
I do not know what to do anymore. I'm sure Allah is very disappointed in me. I pray 5 times a day, and come from a very religious family yet I can't stay away from boys. I'm afraid my parents will find out and honestly I don't want to hurt them. Can someone PLEASE help me get out of this cycle? I don't have the courage to leave the current guy I'm with. I'm scared for my future.