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    Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.


    Assalamualaikum all,

    I would be grateful for any advice that anyone may have in regards to my situation. Apologies for the rather long post in advance, any advice will be appreciated.

    I got married 7 years ago when I was 21, and my wife was 18. Iím British and born and bred here, while my wife was from the sub-continent (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh), Iíd rather not say exactly where, and we are also related

    My relationship with my wife was pretty difficult. Although we did have some good times together, I had huge issues with my wifeís behaviour; she was generally very rude at times and extremely disrespectful to me. She was studying here, and is not from a village or anything but from a major city, and was studying even whilst in the UK.

    Her behaviour naturally provoked unsavoury reactions from me, and at times I would be verbally abusive, which is out of character for me. In the end, we couldnít continue together, and after 15 months together she went back and we eventually divorced about 3 years ago.

    It has now been 6 years since we separated, and in this time neither of us spoke to each other up until about 6 months ago. It was me that initiated contact after hearing about her from some other family members.

    Neither of us remarried since separating nor has been in any kind of relationship. After speaking to one another for the last few months, we have managed to clarify a number of issues that we had at the time. She is now around 25, with me 3 years older.

    Whilst we have an amicable relationship at the moment, over the phone, and are considering the possibility of re-marrying in the next 7-8 months, I still have many doubts at times. Some aspects of her personality still concern me. If I bring them up, she usually listens and agrees to change any such habit, and says that it will be easier when we are together and she is here. I, however, doubt how easy this will be or whether this is actually possible. She is also open to the idea of re-marrying and says that she was young at the time and regrets a lot of what she did, and that this time it will not be the same.

    Our parents do not have a relationship even now, and do not talk to one another. Although they have agreed that they can keep any issues they have away from our relationship, I sometimes doubt the reality of this in the future (e.g. When we have kids, etc.), and if things do get said about each otherís parents then this may impact our relationship as this is what happened the first time round. My wife would get very upset about things said about her parents, and then we would have arguments between us because of this.

    In respect of religion, she is neither very practising nor very un-practising, itís more of the sub-continent middle-class values, so a mixture of a number of values. Her family environment is not exactly to my liking, i.e. they way in which they interact with one another, and is something that concerns me. It's not an Un-Islamic environment as such, more to do with manners and behaviour when speaking with one another, etc.

    The other issues that concern me specifically are:

    Can someone actually change, even if they say they can, a number of their habits or their way of thinking?

    Is it sensible to consider re-marrying the same person after what happened the first time, especially since I see it more of a logical decision, that maybe we should have another go at it, rather than seeing at as one of an emotional connection. I donít think there is any kind of real connection between us, with no real feeling of Ďloveí between us, as we can go days on end without speaking?

    Would it be easier for me just to marry someone from the UK, as opposed to someone from South Asia, bearing in mind all the other cultural issues, etc.?

    Will the parent issue still be a problem? Is it realistic and right to just think of a relationship between us two, as the remainder family will have little interaction and my family in the UK is not very big, and will this be healthy for a future family?

    Would the better thing to do be just to accept the fact that some things are just meant not to be and move on?

    Or, on the other hand, should this be considered a good idea and as we were each otherís first partners, and have not been in any other relationship since seperating, will be able to make it work between us.

    She does say that she is willing to adapt and change as necessary; maybe itís just generally me being cautious and worrying. (We have sought clariifcation from Imams/scholars as to the validity of this in Islam, and it is acceptable, for anyone who may question this).


    Thanks, any advice would be appreciated, especially from sisters. JazakhAllah.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Salaams

    I am sure that if you are to marry her then she had to have gotten married to someone else when you divorced and she divorced him for you to marry her again
    (Sorry if that sounds confusing)

    Maybe someone else can tell you it clearly insha'Allah

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    no that's if you get divorced three times ^ (i am sure...)

    my sincere advice to you is to do istikaarah...
    http://www.deenulhuq.wordpress.com

    Don't depend on anyone too much in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness ~ibn taymiyyah

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.



    Brother, if you do want to go ahead with this, you have to do it the proper way. She is not your wife right now, so that makes her a non-mahram to you. You two cannot be talking in private, which I think is what you both are doing. This is wrong and impermissible. So, Insha'Allah stay away from that and ask forgiveness from Allah for what has happened (if it was in private).

    As for people changing, of course, people do change. What you need to do is to talk to her in a proper manner. That is, have intentions to get married (because if you don't have intentions to pursue marriage, then there's no reason for you both to be talking at all) and then find out how much she has changed by asking her relevant questions. This shouldn't be in private, obviously. A third person should be involved.

    It's impossible to say what will happen in the future. Only Allah knows that. So, please, pray istikhara and seek His help and guidance. Consult elders who you trust and can benefit from. You'll find more about her when you go through this in a halal manner and be able to decide whether or not she'll be a good fit for you. Basically, you can consider this as almost a new proposal, since you've been apart for so long and you both have changed as a person.

    Focus on those things that broke up your marriage before and see if those things have been changed for the better. Insha'Allah.

    May Allah guide you to what's best.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslimbrother12 View Post
    Assalamualaikum all,

    I would be grateful for any advice that anyone may have in regards to my situation. Apologies for the rather long post in advance, any advice will be appreciated.

    I got married 7 years ago when I was 21, and my wife was 18. I’m British and born and bred here, while my wife was from the sub-continent (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh), I’d rather not say exactly where, and we are also related

    My relationship with my wife was pretty difficult. Although we did have some good times together, I had huge issues with my wife’s behaviour; she was generally very rude at times and extremely disrespectful to me. She was studying here, and is not from a village or anything but from a major city, and was studying even whilst in the UK.

    Her behaviour naturally provoked unsavoury reactions from me, and at times I would be verbally abusive, which is out of character for me. In the end, we couldn’t continue together, and after 15 months together she went back and we eventually divorced about 3 years ago.

    It has now been 6 years since we separated, and in this time neither of us spoke to each other up until about 6 months ago. It was me that initiated contact after hearing about her from some other family members.

    Neither of us remarried since separating nor has been in any kind of relationship. After speaking to one another for the last few months, we have managed to clarify a number of issues that we had at the time. She is now around 25, with me 3 years older.

    Whilst we have an amicable relationship at the moment, over the phone, and are considering the possibility of re-marrying in the next 7-8 months, I still have many doubts at times. Some aspects of her personality still concern me. If I bring them up, she usually listens and agrees to change any such habit, and says that it will be easier when we are together and she is here. I, however, doubt how easy this will be or whether this is actually possible. She is also open to the idea of re-marrying and says that she was young at the time and regrets a lot of what she did, and that this time it will not be the same.

    Our parents do not have a relationship even now, and do not talk to one another. Although they have agreed that they can keep any issues they have away from our relationship, I sometimes doubt the reality of this in the future (e.g. When we have kids, etc.), and if things do get said about each other’s parents then this may impact our relationship as this is what happened the first time round. My wife would get very upset about things said about her parents, and then we would have arguments between us because of this.

    In respect of religion, she is neither very practising nor very un-practising, it’s more of the sub-continent middle-class values, so a mixture of a number of values. Her family environment is not exactly to my liking, i.e. they way in which they interact with one another, and is something that concerns me. It's not an Un-Islamic environment as such, more to do with manners and behaviour when speaking with one another, etc.

    The other issues that concern me specifically are:

    Can someone actually change, even if they say they can, a number of their habits or their way of thinking?

    Is it sensible to consider re-marrying the same person after what happened the first time, especially since I see it more of a logical decision, that maybe we should have another go at it, rather than seeing at as one of an emotional connection. I don’t think there is any kind of real connection between us, with no real feeling of ‘love’ between us, as we can go days on end without speaking?

    Would it be easier for me just to marry someone from the UK, as opposed to someone from South Asia, bearing in mind all the other cultural issues, etc.?

    Will the parent issue still be a problem? Is it realistic and right to just think of a relationship between us two, as the remainder family will have little interaction and my family in the UK is not very big, and will this be healthy for a future family?

    Would the better thing to do be just to accept the fact that some things are just meant not to be and move on?

    Or, on the other hand, should this be considered a good idea and as we were each other’s first partners, and have not been in any other relationship since seperating, will be able to make it work between us.

    She does say that she is willing to adapt and change as necessary; maybe it’s just generally me being cautious and worrying. (We have sought clariifcation from Imams/scholars as to the validity of this in Islam, and it is acceptable, for anyone who may question this).


    Thanks, any advice would be appreciated, especially from sisters. JazakhAllah.
    wa alaykumus salaam,

    yes people can change and it is possible so way I see it, two ways of looking at this.

    1. You believe you have both changed enough and you have also (you are big on her faults but don't seem to mention your own too much) then worth having another go. After all you're both already 'damaged goods' in the eyes of the jahil members of the community so will most likely end up marrying a divorcee so why not try again with each other?

    2. You are not sure, or don't believe you have both changed enough in which case, a believer is not stung from the same hole twice and better to forget it.

    Either way, she is not married to you now, she is a ghair mahram women so you shouldn't be talking to her without the permission of her wali regarding marriage or talking on your own so best to make your decision yes or no and then either contact her wali or cut contact totally.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by sis_on_sunnah View Post
    no that's if you get divorced three times ^ (i am sure...)

    my sincere advice to you is to do istikaarah...
    Did he not give her 3 talaq's?
    He did say his EX WIFE which mean they must have got divorced? And now wants to re-marry her?

    Its best if he speaks to his local imam at the Masjid, he should be able to advice him insha'Allah

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Allahu alam, if someone didnt change in 6 years what will be different this time, surely you should marry someone for who they are today, not who they might be tomorrow, because tommorow might never come.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


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    میرے دل کا نور .mirror.'s Avatar
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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Naz_Habib View Post
    Did he not give her 3 talaq's?
    He did say his EX WIFE which mean they must have got divorced? And now wants to re-marry her?

    Its best if he speaks to his local imam at the Masjid, he should be able to advice him insha'Allah
    That's only 1 divorce, though.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    That's only 1 divorce, though.
    I am a bit confused

    You mean he has to be divorced to 3 women or do you mean what the man actually says it himself, talaq once?
    I will do abit of research on this topic insha'Allah

    Please ignore my advice

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Naz_Habib View Post
    I am a bit confused

    You mean he has to be divorced to 3 women or do you mean what the man actually says it himself, talaq once?
    I will do abit of research on this topic insha'Allah

    Please ignore my advice
    if a man says talaq one time, two times or three times in the same day, it only counts as issuing one divorce to his wife.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


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    میرے دل کا نور .mirror.'s Avatar
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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by *asiya* View Post
    if a man says talaq one time, two times or three times in the same day, it only counts as issuing one divorce to his wife.
    There's a difference of opinion regarding the issue of 3 divorce.

    The other view is that if a man says to his wife, "I divorce you three times." She is divorced three times and they cannot get back together. It does count as 3 divorces.

    Wallahu Alam.


    Quote Originally Posted by Naz_Habib View Post
    I am a bit confused

    You mean he has to be divorced to 3 women or do you mean what the man actually says it himself, talaq once?
    I will do abit of research on this topic insha'Allah

    Please ignore my advice
    If he says "I divorce you" only once. Then, yes, the divorce is in effect, but he can take her back before her iddah is over.

    If he says, "I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you," that counts as three divorces.

    That's the other view (from the one Asiya mentioned).
    Last edited by .mirror.; 24-12-11 at 10:31 PM.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    There's a difference of opinion regarding the issue of 3 divorce.

    The other view is that if a man says to his wife, "I divorce you three times." She is divorced three times and they cannot get back together. It does count as 3 divorces.

    Wallahu Alam.




    If he says "I divorce you" only once. Then, yes, the divorce is in effect, but he can take her back before her iddah is over.

    If he says, "I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you," that counts as three divorces.

    That's the other view (from the one Asiya mentioned).
    if u beleive that then why did u say its only one before

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    That's only 1 divorce, though.
    anyway the opinion i gave is from umar ibn al khattab who said " we used to count three divorces as one" ( meaning three issued at once)
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.



    I can somewhat relate to your situation. I was married young. It ended in divorce. We have been divorced for 3 years or so now. I have been meeting with proposals and have had engagements during that time. It was always in the back of my mind that it might be best and easiest just to remarry my ex-husband. I guess it was the thought of knowing the person already, knowing what to expect, and not needing to take a chance with someone unknown that made me consider it. He was always pursing remarriage with me as well, which made it even harder to decide. I gave it time. I spoke with him about past issues that were major causes of our divorce. I felt that I had changed a lot, and people do change as they age and oftentimes it's for the best. What I felt was that he had not changed his behavior enough to make me reconsider. It just wasn't worth it to me to go through it all again. I figured we finished it for a reason, so let it stay in the past. In the end, I had to change my phone number and completely disconnect from him, as he would not leave me alone. Hmmm, I guess that was a sign ? (It's exactly what I said on that "weird situation" thread in the marriage section , but we're on good terms [errr, strange situation lol])

    As another sister said, do istikharah. Make sure that your interactions are done properly. Really take the time to think about what the core issues were in the marriage and see if they have been resolved or can be resolved. About the families and how they will cope, I really don't have any advice. People can change. Give it time and do it properly, and see how it unfolds.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by *asiya* View Post
    if u beleive that then why did u say its only one before

    anyway the opinion i gave is from umar ibn al khattab who said " we used to count three divorces as one" ( meaning three issued at once)
    That' because the OP never mentioned he divorced the sister thrice. It only says divorced.

    The Issue of Three Divorces

    Take a look at that link, sis. It has verse from the Quran and hadith that support that view. It's a matter of diff. interpretation.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    That' because the OP never mentioned he divorced the sister thrice. It only says divorced.

    The Issue of Three Divorces

    Take a look at that link, sis. It has verse from the Quran and hadith that support that view. It's a matter of diff. interpretation.
    I think the initial confusion could be due to the quite common misconception that if a man gives one divorce to his wife, the iddah ends then some jahil people say they cannot remarry unless she marries someone else first, same as if three divorces.

    its weird but i've come across this before quite often, especially amongst indo-pakistanis.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by abu_fulan_fulan View Post
    I think the initial confusion could be due to the quite common misconception that if a man gives one divorce to his wife, the iddah ends then some jahil people say they cannot remarry unless she marries someone else first, same as if three divorces.

    its weird but i've come across this before quite often, especially amongst indo-pakistanis.
    Haha I am a Pakistani
    I only said that because the OP didn't exactly make it clear, and I do sincerley apologise if my comments were wrong, I am still learning

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    There's a difference of opinion regarding the issue of 3 divorce.

    The other view is that if a man says to his wife, "I divorce you three times." She is divorced three times and they cannot get back together. It does count as 3 divorces.

    Wallahu Alam.




    If he says "I divorce you" only once. Then, yes, the divorce is in effect, but he can take her back before her iddah is over.

    If he says, "I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you," that counts as three divorces.

    That's the other view (from the one Asiya mentioned).
    The brother is not asking if it's haram or halal to marry her again, but he's asking if it's the right or wrong thing to do, and if she will change her bad habits ( according to him ) as she claims.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslimah3000 View Post
    The brother is not asking if it's haram or halal to marry her again, but he's asking if it's the right or wrong thing to do, and if she will change her bad habits ( according to him ) as she claims.
    No, I was explaining it to the sister. It was off topic.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslimah3000 View Post
    The brother is not asking if it's haram or halal to marry her again, but he's asking if it's the right or wrong thing to do, and if she will change her bad habits ( according to him ) as she claims.
    Brother.mirror. was explaining to me.
    Sorry for the confusion.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Are there not other women for you to marry that you have to come back to the one you divorced? Where's your self-pride and honour? If you wanna risk being a laughing stock by marrying her and then possibly divorcing her again, then good luck but my advice is you were saved from her once, don't go jumping in the fire a second time of your own accord.
    ďRajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.Ē

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Nvm
    Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
    Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

    You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post


    Brother, if you do want to go ahead with this, you have to do it the proper way. She is not your wife right now, so that makes her a non-mahram to you. You two cannot be talking in private, which I think is what you both are doing. This is wrong and impermissible. So, Insha'Allah stay away from that and ask forgiveness from Allah for what has happened (if it was in private).
    .
    I'm confused. If just say he has only said 'i divorce you' once, then why can't they still talk because wouldn't they still be classed as married until he has said it 2 more times.

    The OP is talking about re-marrying and not getting back with his wife. Which suggests he is fully divorced from his wife. In this case, from my understanding is that he can't remarry his first wife unless both of them have been married and fully divorced from their second partner. Therefore, the question the OP has asked is nor relevant.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    "I divorce you" means they are divorced, no need to say it 3x. A man should never say divorce three times, anyway.

    The rule of marrying another person and then getting a divorced from the second partner only applies if the OP had divorced his wife 3 times. For example, he said, "I divorce you" three times. If he had said, "I divorce you" only, then that's only 1 divorce and they are free to remarry.

    I hope that's clear, if not then ask.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Thanks for all those who posted advice with relevant views.

    As for the question of having to re-marry someone else first before marrying, this is known as 'halala', but does not apply in this case, as the two people in question must have been divorced with one another three times before any requirment of such kind applies. Divorce in this respect means the actual whole thing, not just saying the words on one occasion. I didn't say the word three times, but we were divorced by a court after a period of long seperation. We have both spoken with imams and scholars respectively who have advised that it is permissible. The practical example of this is how '.mirror.' has described it in their last post.

    If anyone has any other advice this would be appreciated, but only in respect of if they think that this is a good idea or not, i.e. the chances, or not, of a succesful and happy marriage given the past, and not about the other (three divorces, etc) aspects of it, as advice about this has been sought by qualified Islamic scholars/Imams already.

    JazakAllah.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    "I divorce you" means they are divorced, no need to say it 3x. A man should never say divorce three times, anyway.

    The rule of marrying another person and then getting a divorced from the second partner only applies if the OP had divorced his wife 3 times. For example, he said, "I divorce you" three times. If he had said, "I divorce you" only, then that's only 1 divorce and they are free to remarry.

    I hope that's clear, if not then ask.
    Jazak'Allah Brother

    That clarifies it much better. I understand now.

    If he says "I divorce you" once he is divorced and the bit where they both have to marry someone else and then divorced thay can then get married is when he said "I divorce you" x3

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    If he says "I divorce you" once he is divorced and the bit where they both have to marry someone else and then divorced thay can then get married is when he said "I divorce you" x3
    Correct.

    That's the Hanafi opinion. Other opinion is what Sis Asiya posted, which I believe is supported by Sheikh Ibn Taymiyyah (RA) and other scholars.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    Correct.

    That's the Hanafi opinion. Other opinion is what Sis Asiya posted, which I believe is supported by Sheikh Ibn Taymiyyah (RA) and other scholars.
    Ibn taymiyyah rahimullah takes his opinion from the statement and opinion of`Umar ibn al khattab radiAllahu anh on the issue.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    ↑Yeah, that's possible. That's why the difference of opinion.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Back on topic.....
    Yes, people do change and this comes with age and experience, but from what you have written she still appears to have many of the issues you didn't like about her. If she hasn't already changed then the question you need to ask yourself is will you be able to live with her with the way she is at the moment. If the answer is yes then give it ago but if no, then your probably looking at disaster again. A person can't change their personality overnight.
    You have mentioned that her familiy is not to your liking. However, she will be living with you in a different country. Therefore, you need to look at the way she is or was with your familiy.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    if u divorced yr wife by saying or writing the word divorce 3 times in the same sitting then u can remarry her ...as 3 divorces in one siting counts as one ...if u can have clarified majoirty of issues between u and yr wife then also clarify that if u both remarry again both of u have to work to make this relationship successful...if yr wife is positive on this issuethen go ahead ...

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    My take on this is that people do change, but ONLY IF they themselves want to, and make an effort, not because of any external pressure. Any change would also be incremental, not wholesale. My husband, for instance, is a messy person. Years of nagging and enforcement resulted in him being slightly more orderly. He will never be a neatnik; I accept this. So you'd have to have this mindset to not expect radical change. The most important thing is to have a sincere desire and commitment to change.

    Second, I do think it's unrealistic to expect to have a marital relationship in isolation from your families, especially when the kids arrive. You'd want the kids to have a great relationship with both sets of in-laws, so you'd need to sort that out and have at least a cordial relationship, and absolutely no negativity from both spouses toward each others' families.

    To be honest, I don't quite understand your motives - you say there is no emotional connection between you two, no kids as far as I can tell, so why exactly do you want this? Fear of the unknown? Or a kind of loyalty? Pleasing the family?

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.


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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Naz_Habib View Post
    Salaams

    I am sure that if you are to marry her then she had to have gotten married to someone else when you divorced and she divorced him for you to marry her again
    (Sorry if that sounds confusing)

    Maybe someone else can tell you it clearly insha'Allah
    Another one of my issues with people who make estimations in the deen. Remain silent if you do not know. It is after 3 times of consecutive marriage, that in order for the same two to marry, she must have married someone else prior to returning.

    Also, poster, you sound very iffy regarding many things in this....almost as if the bad outweighs the good. Pray istikhaarah, inshaaAllaah.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Waalikummussalam Bro,
    Old habits dies hard , specially if you had experienced it with the same person once.However ,i am a firm believer in giving someone a second chance.And yes people can change completely. Older and wiser. However you need to add the kids factor as well InshaAllah.

    You were mentioning that you think that you don't have an emotional connection and you can go on for days without speaking.
    If you think about it that is not exactly what couples want to know when they get into a relationship.It can lead to lot of problems.

    You need to weight our the Pros and Cons ,sit with your family and friends and do a Mashura and discuss further.
    Good idea or not - Allah SWT knows best . Prays Istigara and consult with family and make a decision.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Scholars say this requires that she marry someone else first and then consummate with him and if that marriage dissolves for some reason only then can you re-marry her. This is not a recommendation, this is mandatory.

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    Re: Remarrying ex-wife again after divorce six (6) years ago - Advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Abu Hanzalah View Post
    Scholars say this requires that she marry someone else first and then consummate with him and if that marriage dissolves for some reason only then can you re-marry her. This is not a recommendation, this is mandatory.
    That is if you divorce her the 3rd time...

    And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband. Then, if the other husband divorces her, it is no sin on both of them that they reunite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allaah. These are the limits of Allaah, which He makes plain for the people who have knowledge”

    [al-Baqarah 2:230].


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