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  1. #1
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    Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Salaam,

    I am new on this site so please let me know if i do anything wrong
    I was raised an atheist; my parents are both atheists. I converted about 8 months ago to Islam. I am now 26 and I'm planning on getting married soon Inshallah.

    Before anyone calls me a "s!ut" or "wh0re" read the whole text!
    But there's one thing that haunts me everyday. When I was 11, I was gang raped by a group of football players. It devastated me. What was the point of being a good girl if this is what I get? It turned my life upside down. From then on everything about my teenage life has been promiscuous. Just the day after I turned 18, I joined the pornography industry. My parents obviously disowned me but I still went ahead with it. I starred in porn movies till I was 25, when I got raped again. It all ended there and I just wanted to get back into the real world, put an end to drugs and everything else. So I begged my parents to forgive me and let me have another chance. So they took me back and I started to look for a way for peace of mind and a new beginning. SO I started studying various religions and about 4 months later I converted to Islam. My parents were furious so they disowned me all over again. I don't have a job or anything at all now and I live in an apartment with two other muslim women from Bangladesh. The money that I live on is what I earned in all those years of porn. But now I want to get married and actually be a mother and live a happy life but I'm petrified that if a man finds out he'll never speak to me again. I haven't committed zina even once in the last 8 months, and I promise I would be a good wife and a great mother. I don't flirt or sleep with men anymore; I wear a hijab and I've given up drinking. I pray everyday, 5 times a day. But yesterday the thought of marrying made me cry all night. I thought I would never get a good decent man

    I spoke to my two roommates over this and they told me to keep it a secret but it petrifies me if somehow he ever accidentally sees a porn video of me or if anyone in his family of friend circle recognise me from a porno. I am fully capable of living with one man for the rest of my life. I promise, but if I don't ever get a good muslim man, should i accept it as my eternal punishment? Please don't call me names or anything, please. I've really changed

    Thanks

    Salaam

  2. #81
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by SophieLove View Post
    Salaam,

    I am new on this site so please let me know if i do anything wrong
    I was raised an atheist; my parents are both atheists. I converted about 8 months ago to Islam. I am now 26 and I'm planning on getting married soon Inshallah.

    Before anyone calls me a "s!ut" or "wh0re" read the whole text!
    But there's one thing that haunts me everyday. When I was 11, I was gang raped by a group of football players. It devastated me. What was the point of being a good girl if this is what I get? It turned my life upside down. From then on everything about my teenage life has been promiscuous. Just the day after I turned 18, I joined the pornography industry. My parents obviously disowned me but I still went ahead with it. I starred in porn movies till I was 25, when I got raped again. It all ended there and I just wanted to get back into the real world, put an end to drugs and everything else. So I begged my parents to forgive me and let me have another chance. So they took me back and I started to look for a way for peace of mind and a new beginning. SO I started studying various religions and about 4 months later I converted to Islam. My parents were furious so they disowned me all over again. I don't have a job or anything at all now and I live in an apartment with two other muslim women from Bangladesh. The money that I live on is what I earned in all those years of porn. But now I want to get married and actually be a mother and live a happy life but I'm petrified that if a man finds out he'll never speak to me again. I haven't committed zina even once in the last 8 months, and I promise I would be a good wife and a great mother. I don't flirt or sleep with men anymore; I wear a hijab and I've given up drinking. I pray everyday, 5 times a day. But yesterday the thought of marrying made me cry all night. I thought I would never get a good decent man

    I spoke to my two roommates over this and they told me to keep it a secret but it petrifies me if somehow he ever accidentally sees a porn video of me or if anyone in his family of friend circle recognise me from a porno. I am fully capable of living with one man for the rest of my life. I promise, but if I don't ever get a good muslim man, should i accept it as my eternal punishment? Please don't call me names or anything, please. I've really changed

    Thanks

    Salaam
    As-Salamu Alaikum Sister,

    My advice: Keep it hidden. If for some reason your future husband saw someone in porn who he thought looked like you, I honestly don't believe he would ever accept the fact that it was you. It's too shocking. If you were confronted about it, you could just say no way was it you, must be someone who looks similar. I actually met a brother (born Muslim) with regards to marriage, who had previously been in porn. He had turned his life around. He was committed to Islam and also was very handsome. I was completely floored when he told me about his past. I asked for his stage name because I just couldn't believe the story. So, honestly, I think it is so unimaginable that no one would believe it, even if they saw it with their own eyes. Regarding STDs, yes, definitely get checked, and if you have an STD that can't be cured, let your future husband know beforehand so he can make an informed decision.

  3. #82
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???



    I speak only for myself that I would like to marry a woman like the OP. After all, I am not pure like driven snow. I am only trying my best to practice Islam as best as humanly possible. So I do not see any problem with helping another person who is trying to stay on the true path of Islam. WaLLahu aklam.

  4. #83
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    i think u should jz consult the imam on this issue.




  5. #84
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Sorry for being brutally honest but most men have double standards.

    They want a heaven-sent virgin meanwhile they do all the nasty stuff themselves before marriage and continue to do so after.

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ↑Not most.
    Call onto Allah, such that you are certain that He, al-Mujib wal-Kareem, will answer your call before you even lower your hands.
    وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ↑ Most




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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ↑Non-muslim.
    Call onto Allah, such that you are certain that He, al-Mujib wal-Kareem, will answer your call before you even lower your hands.
    وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ↑Clutch Come Back

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ↑ u cant deny it mirror. its most




  11. #90
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by Massilia View Post
    -your sins are erased when you revert!!! it never happened, you're like a baby just born!!

    -second if your husband is watching porn obviously he will be the one sinning not you

    -i understand your worry, but don"t focus too much on this fear, maybe you could move in a Muslim country to be far from this past if it troubles you a lot, but i repeat these sins are erased, everything is erased.
    Thats very brief and appropriate answer.
    [103:003] Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience

    My blog link: http://beliefinunseen.blogspot.com/

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by noobz View Post
    ↑ u cant deny it mirror. its most
    ↑Non-practicing.
    Call onto Allah, such that you are certain that He, al-Mujib wal-Kareem, will answer your call before you even lower your hands.
    وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ

  13. #92
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by ThisOldMan View Post


    I speak only for myself that I would like to marry a woman like the OP. After all, I am not pure like driven snow. I am only trying my best to practice Islam as best as humanly possible. So I do not see any problem with helping another person who is trying to stay on the true path of Islam. WaLLahu aklam.
    MashaAllah that is very good thougt and very strong belief.
    [103:003] Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience

    My blog link: http://beliefinunseen.blogspot.com/

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ↑ .mirror. is currently awaiting an epic response

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    A lot of men don't go digging, the truth comes to them.

    I'm stuck in two minds on this one, on one hand I will never change my view, a virgin should marry a virgin and a non-virgin should marry a non-virgin. The question is what if a sister/brothers hides their past, marries someone, but that someone wanted one thing more than anything else, a virgin wife/husband. Sooner or later the truth comes out and often the truth is unbearable. So when that marriage fails and the person from whom the truth was hidden leaves, are they wrong? I don't think so.

    Hence without telling your sins, without looking for sins, but just using a bit of instinct etc and basing on what you know, I think it's best advised for these failed marriages to be avoided, people of likewise pasts should get together.
    Your opinion holds no water, because Allah , The MOST MERCIFUL, has ordained that reverts are as pure and sinless as brand new baby, therefore she has every right to marry a Muslim who has stayed away from sin. Stop eating paint chips.
    Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
    Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

    You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

  16. #95
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Sister,

    wa alaikum salam,. MashaAllah you have received some very good replies here. As it has been advised, after repentance you do not carry the burden of sin any longer. There were many arch-enemies of the Prophet (peace be upon him) who fought against him and when they entered in Islam, there was no difference made between them and other Muslims.

    At the same time, the religious wisdom says that we should not talk about our past sins because it creates trial for the person who is saying it and those who listen to it. Ignorance is bliss. If Alalh was to reveal the sins of all men and woman before others, there will be total chaos on earth. So you do not need to talk about it with anyone, and never with the man you intend to marry. It is not deceit, it is wisdom, because revealing your past cannot change your future in any manner, and if it changes, it will only be for worse. The man you marry may not mind your past because of his taqwa but still satan can use this information nto prompt him when he is in a bad mood and can at least spoil his mood. By revealing this your would have created a noise in the mind of the person which is not good and it could easily be avoided.

    If you pray to Allah constantly, you will see that Allah will help you in so many ways. I make a policy of not to tell lies, no matter how convenient or petty issue it is, and I experience almost all the times that the question that I fear to answer is never asked. If it is asked and I avoid with a neutral answer, the questioner doesn't persist in seeking a clear reply. Allah helps me with this neeyah. Humour can also be used to avoid answering a question, you reply something which is not the answer, and yet you have avoided it.

    If the man you intend to marry, asks about your past, you can simply say 'I have a very unpleasant past, so please do not ask me about it. I have forgotten it and don't want to think about it anymore.' This way you have not told a lie, and saved yourself from the embarrassment of revealing your past. The man might guess that you had some affair or drinking habit, but that doesn’t matter, because knowing you to be a new Muslim, he would anyway expect this.

    Keep making duaa after the five times prayers seeking a virtuous husband. And, definitely do an istikhara before making a decision regarding marriage. This two rakah sunnah prayer and duaa will bring lots of blessing in your marriage.
    Last edited by anistop; 23-07-11 at 06:38 AM.
    [103:003] Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience

    My blog link: http://beliefinunseen.blogspot.com/

  17. #96
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Most men play around with girls prior to marriage? Please don't come out with absurd and ridiculous comments. Maybe men you know, but men I know, well there are a lot of decent men. It's a shame the good men go unnoticed, the quiet ones who go work and come home without going noticed, the quiet boys who stay out of sight of females in educational establishments. But oh no, those few big mouthed show offs who play around with girls, they represent all men don't they? Either you live in the red light district areas of your cities, or you don't know Muslim men very well.

    As for the people who keep banging on about how I'm wrong and how my interpretation is wrong, once again I'll say it, many men, all of brothers I know wanted a virgin, a full virgin, someone who has not been touched before, be it after repentance or not, they and I do not want a girl who has been touched by another man. It's almost certainly a reflection of the good upbrining and character they have. Let's face it how many virgins do you know who are evil or bad? So there is nothing wrong with a man saying to a woman no, if he thinks she's not a virgin.

    To me it don't matter whether she's good now or not, the bottomline is she's been touched by another man and I don't want to spend my life and all of my friends and my brothers (Pakistani and Arab) don't want to either, spend their life with someone who coouldn't keep her clothes on before marriage.

    Whilst it's all good someone#s repented and become a better person, the horrible truth is, that person has been touched before. The same applies to men and women. However it seems men are more clear about it.

    I DID NOT say anyone has to prove it, nor did I say men should look for blood, so whichever person said that needs to stop claiming I did. Quote me if needs be but don't make up stuff which I haven't said.

    I said the truth comes out later ie. through rumous, gossip etc, that's how people often find out about someone not being a virgin. Often this news cause lots of hurt, much pain and we are mere mortals, it may cause anger and hate and ultimately destroy the marriage.

    How is it wrong for a man/woman who marries to then divorce later on if they find out about someone not being a virgin? I've yet to see it happen myself thankfully and Insha'allah it won't but, I do hear many men who find out their wives were not virgins when they married cannot put up with it and end the marriage. You can see in many online forums and in many stories around the city of it happening.

    So why not avoid all this happening and just find someone with a similar past, find a brother who's not a virgin and did bad things but repented too. You don't have to expose your sins or look for his, but just some listening and seeing would enable you to get an idea.

    All the men on this forum act all holy and as if they are willing to do this and to do, I'd really like to see one of these guys who act this way and put down my completely legitimate comments, to actually end up marrying a ex porn star or someone who was messing around with men prior to marriage. Wonder if they would really show the patience and mercy in real life scenarios as they claim to on here.

  18. #97
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by kiduka View Post
    I actually know of an African Muslim women who was in the porn industry, but rather than hide her sins people destroyed her completely, tapes were even sent to her mother. And that's the world we live in, you can't trust things will be hunky dory when so much could go wrong.

    I believe that honour and humiliation is in the hands of Allah, as He says in Quran:

    [003:026] Say (O Muhammad [sal-Allâhu 'alayhi wa sallam]): "O Allâh! Possessor of the kingdom, You give the kingdom to whom You will, and You take the kingdom from whom You will, and You endue with honour whom You will, and You humiliate whom You will. In Your Hand is the good. Verily, You are Able to do all things.

    Thus, if she seeks Allah’s help, He will surely protect her honour and give her the same respect and love that a pious Muslima deserves.
    [103:003] Except those who believe and do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth, and recommend one another to patience

    My blog link: http://beliefinunseen.blogspot.com/

  19. #98
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ↑I can agree with all of that, since it's your personal opinion. But, I don't think it's right when you go on about others in the thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    How is it wrong for a man/woman who marries to then divorce later on if they find out about someone not being a virgin? I've yet to see it happen myself thankfully and Insha'allah it won't but, I do hear many men who find out their wives were not virgins when they married cannot put up with it and end the marriage. You can see in many online forums and in many stories around the city of it happening.
    And, what if they found out about her past and didn't care because she's a good Muslimah now?

    So why not avoid all this happening and just find someone with a similar past, find a brother who's not a virgin and did bad things but repented too. You don't have to expose your sins or look for his, but just some listening and seeing would enable you to get an idea.
    Again?

    Bro, she's a Muslimah and she deserves a pious Muslim husband, even if he's chaste. I just see that quote as being too arrogant.

    All the men on this forum act all holy and as if they are willing to do this and to do, I'd really like to see one of these guys who act this way and put down my completely legitimate comments, to actually end up marrying a ex porn star or someone who was messing around with men prior to marriage. Wonder if they would really show the patience and mercy in real life scenarios as they claim to on here.
    Yeah, they would.

    No need to judge all the brothers here as acting "holy." Only Allah can see what's in their hearts. You don't know anyone on here at all, so I don't see the point for you to make such comments.
    Call onto Allah, such that you are certain that He, al-Mujib wal-Kareem, will answer your call before you even lower your hands.
    وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ

  20. #99
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by .mirror. View Post
    ↑Non-practicing.
    ↑ its bout marriage.




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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Fisher: Do u deny that Allah has wiped clean the sins of a nonMuslim when they say the shahada? It's different than simply repenting, it's like a new birth.
    Fabi-ayyiala -i rabbikuma tukaththibani
    Then which of the favors of your Lord will ye deny?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr8DR8frP_s

    You are not here just to fill space or to be a background character in someone else's movie. Consider this: nothing would be the same if you did not exist. Every place you have ever been and everyone you have ever spoken to would be different without you. We are all connected, and we are all affected by the decisions and even the existence of those around us.

  22. #101
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by nousername View Post
    Fisher: Do u deny that Allah has wiped clean the sins of a nonMuslim when they say the shahada? It's different than simply repenting, it's like a new birth.
    Where did I deny that? Like I've said many times before. Whether someone repents or not. Whether they take the shahada or not, they have still been touched by another man and that is what is difficult to cope with.

    You want me to paint a nice pretty picture for you that men aren't bothered by a woman's past? Well I would be lying if I did. There are some and May Allah bless them for their kindness.

    There's no denying that a person can change after zina or any other sin. But that element "not being touched by any man prior to marriage" is a sensitive one. I'm 25 and I've got a lot of Muslim friends and I've got an an army of brothers myself. None of them would stay a single minute with their wife if they found out she was not a virgin on their wedding night.

    And that is why I advise less all holy and mighty replies based on the honourable Sahaba 14 centuries ago and more acceptance of reality would be good.

    I don't hesitate in saying this, maybe there are others who will. For me the girl being a virgin is more important than her education and her other attributes. I would rather marry a virgin who gossips a lot and is greedy than marry a non-virgin who is not those things. That is how important virginity is to me and I ain't the only one who thinks like this and I am not breaking any laws from Sharia either.

    Good for the OP she found Islam, May Allah accept her repentance and May Allah find her a good Muslim man.

  23. #102
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    To the OP : please ignore johnfisher's posts because you have before you the symptom of a jahil selfish cultural obsession with virginity added to an immense level of selfish personal ego which is probably going to blow up sometime and who doesn't care about your painful and horrible trials

    Islamically it is chastity not virginity that counts, and you're chaste alhamdullillah, and if ever you meet someone like ^^^^^ i can tell you you're not losing anything, even I who's virgin chaste and whatever , i wouldn't want a guy like that

    Anyway, i think you should focus on your deen now, not marriage, it will come when it will come
    My Blog http://historyeyesopened.tumblr.com/ Watch out sister Nousername
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  24. #103
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    Where did I deny that? Like I've said many times before. Whether someone repents or not. Whether they take the shahada or not, they have still been touched by another man and that is what is difficult to cope with.

    You want me to paint a nice pretty picture for you that men aren't bothered by a woman's past? Well I would be lying if I did. There are some and May Allah bless them for their kindness.

    There's no denying that a person can change after zina or any other sin. But that element "not being touched by any man prior to marriage" is a sensitive one. I'm 25 and I've got a lot of Muslim friends and I've got an an army of brothers myself. None of them would stay a single minute with their wife if they found out she was not a virgin on their wedding night.

    And that is why I advise less all holy and mighty replies based on the honourable Sahaba 14 centuries ago and more acceptance of reality would be good.

    I don't hesitate in saying this, maybe there are others who will. For me the girl being a virgin is more important than her education and her other attributes. I would rather marry a virgin who gossips a lot and is greedy than marry a non-virgin who is not those things. That is how important virginity is to me and I ain't the only one who thinks like this and I am not breaking any laws from Sharia either.

    Good for the OP she found Islam, May Allah accept her repentance and May Allah find her a good Muslim man.
    The thread is neither about you or who you should and shouldn't marry, nor the thread starter is interesting in marrying you.

    So, I think you should stick your opinion to yourself and stop suggesting her that she should marry someone of similar past. I don't understand why people like you tries to enforce your opinion on others when you already know that in Islam your opinion has no value.

    It has already been said that you are fully within your right if you want to marry a virgin, no one can denounce you for that. However, you going around telling others that if they happened to have a bad past prior to their Islam, but have repented and after taking on Islam they are as good as any practicing muslim... then I dont see what right you have to suggest them to marry only someone who was a zaani in the past. And the Pity is, too to make this statement, you use the statement of Allah from the Quran misinterpreting and twisting it according to your own understanding only because its fits your view.
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

  25. #104
    johnfisher
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Have a lok at the number of divorces on Islamic forums, where women are crying about their past being exposed. Every Islamic site you'll see tons of women who hid their past (as they should) getting exposed and then later being found out and divorced.

    Wouldn't it have been all so much easier if the girl's married someone who could handle such an issue? Just look at Zawaj, IB, this forum, IslamQA etc etc, you will so many women who are in tatters because of their past coming back to haunt them.

    That is why I suggest the sister and all sisters, in fact all Muslims, find someone of a similar past in a similar state of life ie pure after repentance or newly reverted.

    So many marriages fail because the past being exposed and spouses not being able to handle it. So why not try to avoid a common pattern?

  26. #105
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by SophieLove View Post
    Ah thanks! But what if he used to see porn? I mean, surely all men of today's age have watched porn some time in their lives; it scares me that he or someone he knows recognises me . And I also posed in a few photos on the Marks and Spencer's women's section and they still use those old photos on their website evn today and it scares me so much! I'm such a stupid woman. How do i avoid situations like these?
    If I had my family it would help, but my parents and all three of my sister have abandoned me
    And I've seen muslim men get suspicious of a white woman's past

    How do i get around all of these?
    salaams to all

    as another member pointed out, its not permitted for a muslim to disclose/talk of his/her previous sins once they have repented.
    if Allah ta'ala himself has placed a veil on it- not disclosed it to people- then why should you disclose something that Allah ta'ala has hidden?

    also, what kind of good muslim husband wouldbe watching porn?

    all you need to say(if asked) is that you have repented for your sins and you are not going to expose them.
    you are admitting that there were sins but not going into details.

    also, beware of being used just to get British citinzenship.
    i advise you to contact the imam/sheik whom you trust & ask him to help you find a good husband.
    another option is to ask good muslim women to help you.

    make lots of duaah

    and id also advise you to eat healthy- not going to help if you are overwieght & looking to get married
    unless you dont mind if hes also "masha allah" sized.
    why i say this, is that women tend to over eat sometimes when depressed(comfort eating) & this actually worsens the situation.

    and Allah ta'ala knows best
    jazakallah
    Last edited by msmoorad; 23-07-11 at 12:22 PM.
    Sufyaan Thawri "Whoever is very popular with his relations and neighbours, we suspect him to be compromising in preaching the true teachings of religion."
    very good site for English bayaans in MP3 format-check it out- u wont be disappointed: http://www.musjidnoor.za.net/index.html & http://alhaadi.org.za/majlis-program...downloads.html

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Salam

    I think most people have posted good advice with regards to you being like a new born baby in terms of the past since you came to islam - but i really hope you reported the rape that happened when you were 11, thats a terrible thing for anyone to go through let alone a child...it really gets to me the guys like that can still walk the streets happily after doing something like that

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    He said he wouldn't marry someone who's been in the pornography style videos. What's wrong with that?

    Would your parents allow it? Would you go for it?

    This isn't a case of a non-muslim woman doing the occasion thing here and there, perhaps some odd drinking and the occasional one night stand, we're talking about pornography. Only the strongest and most kind men can live with something like that.

    There are many things which this girl could carry but other reverts don't, things like sexual diseases, an inability to be satisfied by her husband because of her experience before etc etc.

    We all pray that she becomes a strong Muslim, but let's not beat around the bush, there are not many men who are merciful and good enough to put up with a sister with a history like this. It is no sin on any man's part if they choose not to be with this girl because of her past. In fact I think it would be a very sensible option given what pornogrpaphy may carry with it.

    I understand your views but honestly, satisfaction in bed is the last thing on my mind and if it's so much an issue, I'll teach him everything myself! What I do want is a good honest, practising man who I can live with and have children with. And by the way, could anyone here tell me how I could get started looking for someone? I have no family now to help me . What do i do? Where do i start?
    WS


    Edit: I assure you, my years in porn were all but satisfactory. Women do NOT enjoy it; they do it all for money.
    Last edited by SophieLove; 23-07-11 at 03:29 PM.

  29. #108
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by SophieLove View Post
    I understand your views but honestly, satisfaction in bed is the last thing on my mind and if it's so much an issue, I'll teach him everything myself! What I do want is a good honest, practising man who I can live with and have children with. And by the way, could anyone here tell me how I could get started looking for someone? I have no family now to help me . What do i do? Where do i start?
    WS


    Edit: I assure you, my years in porn were all but satisfactory. Women do NOT enjoy it; they do it all for money.
    I think every muslim knows that , no? ...Infact ,I think every human knows that.

    U should go to ur masjid and ask some sisters to help u out ... other than that , there are some online Islamic marriage sites which are quite good as i heard , though im not sure since i've never used them.




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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    sister the most important thing for u is to learn your religion. forget marriage for now because u need to know what a good muslim is in order to marry one.

    have you learnt to pray ? its important to learn your prayers and make sure you pray them on time.also make sure you learn about what is proper hijab and how to conduct ourself as a muslim woman.

    do you have a masjid in your area ? if so go and introduce yourself to the imam as a new muslim and insha Allah he can advise u too. also stick around the forum and we can help as much as we can insha Allah.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  31. #110
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    @SophieLove

    You can try www.halfourdeen.com.
    Salam!

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    ^Yeah or go to the mosque if you can and talk with the local imam there. I'm sure he'd help you out.

    Quote Originally Posted by kiduka View Post
    Why would my way of thinking be discouraged? ...In essence I'm saying I'm not capable of marrying someone with a horrible past, not that I would go digging around but If I ever found out and if it affected my family I would be lost.

    I understand the teaching of the Sahaba's(ra) and the Prophet(pbuh), I don't know about you but I haven't grown to the level of flawless deen. I know where I stand and I still have a long way to go, so I'm not gonna make bold statements that I can't back up.

    You can't tell me to be open minded because you don't know whats best for me.
    I think being open minded is an advice everyone can take something from.
    Last edited by Perseveranze; 23-07-11 at 03:55 PM.

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by SophieLove View Post
    Ah thanks! But what if he used to see porn? I mean, surely all men of today's age have watched porn some time in their lives; it scares me that he or someone he knows recognises me . And I also posed in a few photos on the Marks and Spencer's women's section and they still use those old photos on their website evn today and it scares me so much! I'm such a stupid woman. How do i avoid situations like these?
    If I had my family it would help, but my parents and all three of my sister have abandoned me
    And I've seen muslim men get suspicious of a white woman's past

    How do i get around all of these?
    Asalaamu alaikum sister

    As you allready know Mark Spencer is a well known company in the UK whether he finds out himself or family, relative or friends. You don’t want them to have a horrible feelings for you if the pictures where too revealing. To avoid problems in situation like this I would advice you to change your location even if you had to move country. Live somewhere, where you can live peacefully without having to fear so much and putting your health at risk.

    Please read this story inshallah should be a lesson- he was told to go live somewhere else where there was pious people living worshipping Allaah. It could be if he stayed in the same country he would bear the consciousness and would have been difficult for him to live without people judging his past. Cry and beg to Allaah that your faults will be hidden in this life and next. And that someone could accept you inshallah.

    Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said: "There was a man from among a nation before you who killed ninety-nine people and then made an inquiry about the most learned person on the earth. He was directed to a monk. He came to him and told him that he had killed ninety-nine people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the negative and the man killed him also completing one hundred. He then asked about the most learned man in the earth. He was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the affirmative and asked, `Who stands between you and repentance? Go to such and such land; there (you will find) people devoted to prayer and worship of Allah, join them in worship, and do not come back to your land because it is an evil place.' So he went away and hardly had he covered half the distance when death overtook him; and there was a dispute between the angels of mercy and the angels of torment. The angels of mercy pleaded, 'This man has come with a repenting heart to Allah,' and the angels of punishment argued, 'He never did a virtuous deed in his life.' Then there appeared another angel in the form of a human being and the contending angels agreed to make him arbiter between them. He said, `Measure the distance between the two lands. He will be considered belonging to the land to which he is nearer.' They measured and found him closer to the land (land of piety) where he intended to go, and so the angels of mercy collected his soul".[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

    In another version: "He was found to be nearer to the locality of the pious by a cubit and was thus included among them". Another version says: "Allah commanded (the land which he wanted to leave) to move away and commanded the other land (his destination) to draw nearer and then He said: 'Now measure the distance between them.' It was found that he was nearer to his goal by a hand's span and was thus forgiven". It is also narrated that he drew closer by a slight movement on his chest.

  34. #113
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    I DID NOT say anyone has to prove it, nor did I say men should look for blood, so whichever person said that needs to stop claiming I did. Quote me if needs be but don't make up stuff which I haven't said.

    I said the truth comes out later ie. through rumous, gossip etc, that's how people often find out about someone not being a virgin. Often this news cause lots of hurt, much pain and we are mere mortals, it may cause anger and hate and ultimately destroy the marriage.

    How is it wrong for a man/woman who marries to then divorce later on if they find out about someone not being a virgin? I've yet to see it happen myself thankfully and Insha'allah it won't but, I do hear many men who find out their wives were not virgins when they married cannot put up with it and end the marriage. You can see in many online forums and in many stories around the city of it happening.
    I never said you were saying that, but that many problems turn up where people think you MUST bleed if you're a virgin. I just wanted to point this out again in case someone got that view from your post, which in itself was quite ambiguous.

    Of course rumours can be hurtful, but I find it ridiculous that people can give them such precedence, when as Muslims we're meant to take backbiting and slander very seriously - esp. when it pertains to a fellow Muslim's chastity.

    Tbh, at the end of the day, you have no way to prove someone is a virgin or not, so it's best to get over it and take the Islamic stance that everyone is a virgin unless you can prove otherwise.

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    So why not avoid all this happening and just find someone with a similar past, find a brother who's not a virgin and did bad things but repented too. You don't have to expose your sins or look for his, but just some listening and seeing would enable you to get an idea.

    All the men on this forum act all holy and as if they are willing to do this and to do, I'd really like to see one of these guys who act this way and put down my completely legitimate comments, to actually end up marrying a ex porn star or someone who was messing around with men prior to marriage. Wonder if they would really show the patience and mercy in real life scenarios as they claim to on here.
    This Sister is a revert, her prior lifestyle does not count AT ALL; she need not reveal any of this prior to engagement, beyond health issues as a result of this lifestyle.

    The fact is, this is an anonymous forum (in essence), so you have no idea who the Sister is in the real world. This would also be the case with anyone who she might be looking to get married to, he wouldn't know she did those things and there would really be no need for her to reveal such things (unless it involves health issues, as noted above). So, basically, this wouldn't even be an issue like we are discussing here.
    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
    O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
    We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

  35. #114
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by SophieLove View Post
    Edit: I assure you, my years in porn were all but satisfactory. Women do NOT enjoy it; they do it all for money.
    I don't what it's all about, but having heard bits and bobs I too realise like prostitution many females end up doing it purely out of the need for money.

    I will also say that you're going to need to accept the fact, not many people will want to marry an ex porn start, brutally harsh for you, but it's just the way the world is. Those men who do turn you down for this reason and it's likely they would find out somehow, they are entitled to but you are entitled to a happy and married life.

    I have said this to the Muslim brothers and sisters on this forum many times over, Islam encourages young marriage, ie. he who has the means should marry. You're 25/26 a similar age to me and for a girl often that's considered late. So if you've got over your past completely ie. it's not hurting you and you've forgotten it, then don't wait a second before looking for a good man.

    You will find it difficult without being in a female social network. Many many muslim marriages come out of the back of a female social network. However the good news for you is, you can do it in an even better way, through your imam. So cover yourself as a Muslim lady should, be positive and go and speak to your Imam with the intent of finding you a spouse. Most Imams do know of single men in various stages of their life, some might be urgent to get married, some might be just waiting for the right person. When you meet someone good and you see a man whom you can build a solid marriage with then don't think twice, go for it. That is another thing which is happening too often, people just being too damn picky. So don't say no, it might be that the opporttunity is lost and you never find a good man again.

    Lastly you have got to be prepared for the inevitable, rumour and gossip is a nasty thing, at some point the truth about you will leak and it's down to you to demonstrate what you are and ignore it. If you become weak and let it beat you to the floor, then the world will come crumbling on you, if you don't then you will continue this journey as a strong human being.

    I wish you all the best. If and when you do marry, that man will be 100 times better than most of the rest of us. I have many flaws, arrogance, stubborness and I am very strict, hence my brutal replies. But the man you end up with, will be modest, patient and forgiving, he'll give you happiness. It's a case of you going to an Imam to help him find one for you.

  36. #115
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    Most men play around with girls prior to marriage? Please don't come out with absurd and ridiculous comments. Maybe men you know, but men I know, well there are a lot of decent men. It's a shame the good men go unnoticed, the quiet ones who go work and come home without going noticed, the quiet boys who stay out of sight of females in educational establishments. But oh no, those few big mouthed show offs who play around with girls, they represent all men don't they? Either you live in the red light district areas of your cities, or you don't know Muslim men very well.

    As for the people who keep banging on about how I'm wrong and how my interpretation is wrong, once again I'll say it, many men, all of brothers I know wanted a virgin, a full virgin, someone who has not been touched before, be it after repentance or not, they and I do not want a girl who has been touched by another man. It's almost certainly a reflection of the good upbrining and character they have. Let's face it how many virgins do you know who are evil or bad? So there is nothing wrong with a man saying to a woman no, if he thinks she's not a virgin.

    To me it don't matter whether she's good now or not, the bottomline is she's been touched by another man and I don't want to spend my life and all of my friends and my brothers (Pakistani and Arab) don't want to either, spend their life with someone who coouldn't keep her clothes on before marriage.

    Whilst it's all good someone#s repented and become a better person, the horrible truth is, that person has been touched before. The same applies to men and women. However it seems men are more clear about it.

    I DID NOT say anyone has to prove it, nor did I say men should look for blood, so whichever person said that needs to stop claiming I did. Quote me if needs be but don't make up stuff which I haven't said.

    I said the truth comes out later ie. through rumous, gossip etc, that's how people often find out about someone not being a virgin. Often this news cause lots of hurt, much pain and we are mere mortals, it may cause anger and hate and ultimately destroy the marriage.

    How is it wrong for a man/woman who marries to then divorce later on if they find out about someone not being a virgin? I've yet to see it happen myself thankfully and Insha'allah it won't but, I do hear many men who find out their wives were not virgins when they married cannot put up with it and end the marriage. You can see in many online forums and in many stories around the city of it happening.

    So why not avoid all this happening and just find someone with a similar past, find a brother who's not a virgin and did bad things but repented too. You don't have to expose your sins or look for his, but just some listening and seeing would enable you to get an idea.

    All the men on this forum act all holy and as if they are willing to do this and to do, I'd really like to see one of these guys who act this way and put down my completely legitimate comments, to actually end up marrying a ex porn star or someone who was messing around with men prior to marriage. Wonder if they would really show the patience and mercy in real life scenarios as they claim to on here.
    What I find hilarious is you keep banging on about having a pure virgin... all for the wrong reasons. A women doesn't stay chaste for you... she stays chaste for Allah and Allah alone. The other thing I want to highlight to you a million times over is... you will never know if your wife really is a virgin or not. All this rubbish about you being able to find out "someday" is bollucks. Let go of your ridiculous ego and get over yourself otherwise you might someday find yourself with a women who is a virgin and then does something henious whilst you are married to her.

  37. #116
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightindarkness View Post
    What I find hilarious is you keep banging on about having a pure virgin... all for the wrong reasons. A women doesn't stay chaste for you... she stays chaste for Allah and Allah alone. The other thing I want to highlight to you a million times over is... you will never know if your wife really is a virgin or not. All this rubbish about you being able to find out "someday" is bollucks. Let go of your ridiculous ego and get over yourself otherwise you might someday find yourself with a women who is a virgin and then does something henious whilst you are married to her.
    #

    If Allah forbid that were to happen, I can divorce.....

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    Where did I deny that? Like I've said many times before. Whether someone repents or not. Whether they take the shahada or not, they have still been touched by another man and that is what is difficult to cope with.

    You want me to paint a nice pretty picture for you that men aren't bothered by a woman's past? Well I would be lying if I did. There are some and May Allah bless them for their kindness.

    There's no denying that a person can change after zina or any other sin. But that element "not being touched by any man prior to marriage" is a sensitive one. I'm 25 and I've got a lot of Muslim friends and I've got an an army of brothers myself. None of them would stay a single minute with their wife if they found out she was not a virgin on their wedding night.

    And that is why I advise less all holy and mighty replies based on the honourable Sahaba 14 centuries ago and more acceptance of reality would be good.

    I don't hesitate in saying this, maybe there are others who will. For me the girl being a virgin is more important than her education and her other attributes. I would rather marry a virgin who gossips a lot and is greedy than marry a non-virgin who is not those things. That is how important virginity is to me and I ain't the only one who thinks like this and I am not breaking any laws from Sharia either.

    Good for the OP she found Islam, May Allah accept her repentance and May Allah find her a good Muslim man.
    Wow, all I can conclude after reading this is you are highly insecure about your sexual abilities or rather lack of such abilities. Not surprised one bit at all.

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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by johnfisher View Post
    #

    If Allah forbid that were to happen, I can divorce.....
    Woopy do... how powerful are you? Powerful is the one who can look past such trivial matters. Particularly if the Muslimah is superior in every other way. You are weak. If you actually tell virgin Muslimah's your opinion before you marry them, I promise you at least 70% of them will reject you for your shallow opinions on this matter alone. Because it shows how stupid, naive, insecure and possibly how lacking you are in the sexual department too.

  40. #119
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightindarkness View Post
    What I find hilarious is you keep banging on about having a pure virgin... all for the wrong reasons. A women doesn't stay chaste for you... she stays chaste for Allah and Allah alone. The other thing I want to highlight to you a million times over is... you will never know if your wife really is a virgin or not. All this rubbish about you being able to find out "someday" is bollucks. Let go of your ridiculous ego and get over yourself otherwise you might someday find yourself with a women who is a virgin and then does something henious whilst you are married to her.

    that actually sums it all up lOl

    well said
    ♥ ♥ Be mindful of Allaah, and Allaah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help. Seek help of Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. ♥ ♥



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  41. #120
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    Re: Would a Muslim man ever marry a woman like me???

    Quote Originally Posted by Lightindarkness View Post
    Wow, all I can conclude after reading this is you are highly insecure about your sexual abilities or rather lack of such abilities. Not surprised one bit at all.

    please stop!! your being very rude
    ♥ ♥ Be mindful of Allaah, and Allaah will protect you. Be mindful of Allaah and you will find Him in front of you. If you ask, ask of Allaah; if you seek help. Seek help of Allaah. Know that if the nation were to gather together to benefit you with anything, it would benefit you only with something that Allaah had already prescribed for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with anything, they would harm you only with something Allaah had already prescribed for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. ♥ ♥



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