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  1. #1
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    Icon9 My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Salaam!

    My wife and I married 6 years ago; all has been well, except during the last year. We have one son and a beautiful baby daughter. They are both 5 and 2 respectively. When I married her, she was a fairy tale woman, beautiful, polite, respectful and SO unlike what women are portrayed in the movies. She wore a headscarf, she is from a great respectable family and so on and so forth. As for me, I graduated from Cambridge, and (not being conceited or anything) have, Alhamdulillah, above average looks, fit body, well-endowed, and have am very religious and a good hearted person. everything was so good, our lives with the kids, our personal life, EVERYTHING was perfect. I gave her good body massages everyday, cooked for her great meals in the weekends, bought her jewels, I did EVERYTHING for her (being a husband it being my obligation to satisfy her needs) , whatever she wanted. And, not to sound graphic or anything, but I was also very serious about her sexual pleasure as well.
    About a year ago we moved to Manchester. She took off her headscarf, got together with english friends. She started wearing mini skirts and tank tops. She started drinking whenever she was out of the house, and soon enough she started sleeping with several men, atleast 3 dozen. i only found out about the affairs about six months ago. Being heart broken and completely destroyed, I couldn't face her. If i told her to stop, she would just say, "what are you gonna do? Hit me? Go ahead, so i can put you in jail....". When i threatened to divorce her, she just said, "i know you won't do that, we have kids and besides you're too soft.....haha!!!" and start laughing. Out of love of the kids i did nothing. But just 2 months ago, she went to the club while i was at work on extra time and slept with four men simultaneously. She came back half drunk and told me everything, and she wasn't one bit upset or remorseful; she was smiling :'(. I just yelled out "TALAAQ" and before i could say it two more times, she fell on her knees and immediately burst into tears and literally begged me not to say it again. I was angry but deep down i felt so bad and cruel for saying something that made her cry . She has changed again. She wears a headscarf and dresses nicely again and is so good to me and my kids again. But whenever we have sex, i afterwards feel so disgusted and sick knowing that i am sharing the bed with a woman who has done the same with so many other men. In the middle of the night, I suddenly wake up and think about how much she hurt me. When i eat food she cooks, I feel like i'm being forced to swallow rubbish. We are in bangladesh now.
    I don't know what to do? I'm torn; i wish i could do the same and make her pay but i know i never could do that. I love her.
    Everyone, especially sisters, PLEASE HELP ME!!!

  2. #81
    ~ Allahu Akbar ~ dhak1yya's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by truepath View Post
    if he says he has studied English at Cambridge, then you can say that.

    He said he has studied Physics. So person can join Cambridge at bachelors or at masters level where they study may be 3 years or only 1 year ifts masters. Can't expect them to have great English unless they have studied English as major in that University.
    Exactly. And there are people who are dyslexic and gifted in areas like science, maths, engineering and so on. Including EINSTEIN, he didn't even learn to read until he was 9 and did very badly at school, but excelled in maths and physics.

    Some of the people on this thread need to stop being so suspcious and unsympathetic. Learn about life and meet a few more people before you start judging others. Mental illness happens, may Allah protect you from ever experiencing it. People mess up and make mistakes and do bad things then repent and try to make their lives better, even if the erratic behaviour wasn't caused by mental illness. However what this brother is describing in his wife *could* be bipolar disorder and at least 3 users, one of whom is a psychiatrist, have stated that, because the kind of behaviour he's describing is what sometimes happens in people with this condition.

    So the situation is NOT far fetched, it is very believable and mashaAllah what a fantastic husband to stand by his wife through that, and who is trying to fix the marriage instead of just divorcing her. If she is mentally ill, then she'd be mentally ill and abandoned and alone if he'd just divorced her like that.

    And ALL OF YOU understand that mental illness is something that can strike ANY of you, or any of your family members. Only Allah knows who. So get off your high horses and stop being so judgemental.
    Last edited by dhak1yya; 20-06-11 at 10:17 AM.





  3. #82
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by dhakiyya View Post
    Exactly. And there are people who are dyslexic and gifted in areas like science, maths, engineering and so on. Including EINSTEIN, he didn't even learn to read until he was 9 and did very badly at school, but excelled in maths and physics.

    Some of the people on this thread need to stop being so suspcious and unsympathetic. Learn about life and meet a few more people before you start judging others. Mental illness happens, may Allah protect you from ever experiencing it. People mess up and make mistakes and do bad things then repent and try to make their lives better, even if the erratic behaviour wasn't caused by mental illness. However what this brother is describing in his wife *could* be bipolar disorder and at least 3 users, one of whom is a psychiatrist, have stated that, because the kind of behaviour he's describing is what sometimes happens in people with this condition.

    So the situation is NOT far fetched, it is very believable and mashaAllah what a fantastic husband to stand by his wife through that, and who is trying to fix the marriage instead of just divorcing her. If she is mentally ill, then she'd be mentally ill and abandoned and alone if he'd just divorced her like that.

    And ALL OF YOU understand that mental illness is something that can strike ANY of you, or any of your family members. Only Allah knows who. So get off your high horses and stop being so judgemental.


    Thank you! Exactly what I was trying to get across in my previous post.
    Members on this forum, please let us not forget, and I remind myself before I remind anyone, "أرحم من في الأرض يرحمك من في السماء" - Have mercy on those who are on earth, so the One in the skies has mercy on you.
    May Allah swt protect us all from the evils of this world - Ameen

  4. #83
    I can change this now! Ikki's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by Saquib View Post
    Salaam!

    My wife and I married 6 years ago; all has been well, except during the last year. We have one son and a beautiful baby daughter. They are both 5 and 2 respectively. When I married her, she was a fairy tale woman, beautiful, polite, respectful and SO unlike what women are portrayed in the movies. She wore a headscarf, she is from a great respectable family and so on and so forth. As for me, I graduated from Cambridge, and (not being conceited or anything) have, Alhamdulillah, above average looks, fit body, well-endowed, and have am very religious and a good hearted person. everything was so good, our lives with the kids, our personal life, EVERYTHING was perfect. I gave her good body massages everyday, cooked for her great meals in the weekends, bought her jewels, I did EVERYTHING for her (being a husband it being my obligation to satisfy her needs) , whatever she wanted. And, not to sound graphic or anything, but I was also very serious about her sexual pleasure as well.
    About a year ago we moved to Manchester. She took off her headscarf, got together with english friends. She started wearing mini skirts and tank tops. She started drinking whenever she was out of the house, and soon enough she started sleeping with several men, atleast 3 dozen. i only found out about the affairs about six months ago. Being heart broken and completely destroyed, I couldn't face her. If i told her to stop, she would just say, "what are you gonna do? Hit me? Go ahead, so i can put you in jail....". When i threatened to divorce her, she just said, "i know you won't do that, we have kids and besides you're too soft.....haha!!!" and start laughing. Out of love of the kids i did nothing. But just 2 months ago, she went to the club while i was at work on extra time and slept with four men simultaneously. She came back half drunk and told me everything, and she wasn't one bit upset or remorseful; she was smiling :'(. I just yelled out "TALAAQ" and before i could say it two more times, she fell on her knees and immediately burst into tears and literally begged me not to say it again. I was angry but deep down i felt so bad and cruel for saying something that made her cry . She has changed again. She wears a headscarf and dresses nicely again and is so good to me and my kids again. But whenever we have sex, i afterwards feel so disgusted and sick knowing that i am sharing the bed with a woman who has done the same with so many other men. In the middle of the night, I suddenly wake up and think about how much she hurt me. When i eat food she cooks, I feel like i'm being forced to swallow rubbish. We are in bangladesh now.
    I don't know what to do? I'm torn; i wish i could do the same and make her pay but i know i never could do that. I love her.
    Everyone, especially sisters, PLEASE HELP ME!!!

    What a load of BS. This is way to bollywood to be true.

  5. #84
    Kasim Kas1m's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    I didn't read the whole thread but how can a person change to that extreme.
    الصلوۃ والسلام علیک یا سیدی یارسول اللہ

  6. #85
    Senior Member neelu's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    I agree with Kasim, it does sound very far fetched for such a big change to happen so suddenly and dramatically. I can't help but wonder if some sort of sihr could be involved- Allahu Alim. Definitely worth consulting a sheikh. They can advise you about reciting some verses over water and giving it for her to drink- she will probably have a strange reaction to it if she is affected. Also check for strange things in the house like taweez or tiny voodoo dolls. I can't help but feel that if this story is true then there is a lot more going on than what you're letting on.

  7. #86
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    salam bro

    you sound like an amazing husband mashAllah
    from your information it seems like it could be 1 of 3 things

    1) your spouse is not happy about some part of the relationship and thus has done this out of resentment - sometimes we think we are treating a person well, but that actually person feels mistreated- Have you tried sitting down with her, talking to her nicely and asking her what made her do the things she did, ask her if there is anything you can do to make her more happy- i.e try to nicely elicit from her why she felt the need to the mentioned things.

    2) bipolar disorder- due to the sudden complete change of personality, her actions were completely uncharacteristic of her, someone who was previously chaste and modest becoming the complete opposite. There are treatments for bipolar disorder, please try to see a pshychiatrist asap.

    3) Black magic/Jinn- again due to her uncharacteristic actions- please try to find a trustable/reliable sheikh who has experience with deal with these matters. Be weary that bangladesh (and all across the world tbh) has been people who are after money and not there to help.

    well done for keeping patient, and not divorcing your wife, we live in a time where divorce is too common and irresponsibly given.
    keep making du'a, that Allah returns your wife back to her usual self again
    n.may Allah make these testing times easy for you ameem

  8. #87
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by dhakiyya View Post
    Several users have already suggested this (including me).

    Btw (to the OP) there are Muslim psychiatrists too. There is unfortunately a stigma in many countries/cultures attached to mental illness, however the brain is a very delicate organ and it's chemistry can go out of balance, resulting in mental illness. These days many of them can be treated successfully with counselling and medication. Please don't refuse to look into this issue as if this is the reason for your wife's bizarre behaviour changes, then she needs treatment. If she had pneumonia you wouldn't refuse to look into getting her treatment. So please at least get her seen by a doctor inshaAllah. If it's not that, the doctor will tell you. If it is she'll get treatment.
    I agree with her big time...the brain is not only very delicate organ but it is mooooooooooooooooooooooooorrreee delegate than a baby skin or an egg shell or a very fragile thin layer of tiny glass. It is more delegate than a balloon which can be popped by any sharp object. The reason why I am putting emphasise on this is: because I was diagnosed with a life time Absent Seizure. Do you know how when a person grows up (normally and naturally) especially if the person is a male, his body floods him with hormone. Called heading from pubescent stage to teenage stage, this is normal and healthy form of growth, all of us go through it and we must go through it if we grow old....well..even this normal body change could result in damaging the brain and causes seizure. There are medical facts about it...well I got it. Now naturally I cannot blame it because of my body is flooded with normal testosterone..because that could also damage the brain even though it is normal part of growing up. It could be I have genetic defect, hormone changes, food intake the list goes on...but the point is...I agree the brain is very fragile and ANY single thing could just bring it out of WHACK.

    Here is a youtube clip of absent seizure http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3iLQi6wt94 (ABSENT SEIZURE: Is simply dray dreaming or looking like day dreaming...)

  9. #88
    inappropriate feet poster YasirH's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Story is too far fetched. Me thinks the kuffar are coming here and posting all sorts of weird stories and everyone is just lapping them up. So, and therefore, in the end and so on and so forth I say, DIE DIE DIE!
    <--- I look like that and when I'm not , I'm usually like likeand likebut sometimes I'm like as well.

  10. #89
    أبو برد cooldog's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    havent read the whole thread but no one is mentioning STDs.also how did he even touch her after she was pawed by 40 men.either this guy is very insecure about leavin her(insecure about finding someone else),or he likes being cuckolded which wud explain him havin relations with her

  11. #90
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by cooldog View Post
    havent read the whole thread but no one is mentioning STDs.also how did he even touch her after she was pawed by 40 men.either this guy is very insecure about leavin her(insecure about finding someone else),or he likes being cuckolded which wud explain him havin relations with her
    You registered yourself to comment your opinion on this thread?
    لا أريد مِنْكُمْ جَزَاء وَلا شُكُورًا

  12. #91
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    I don't care if people call me insensitive, suspicious blah blah

    But seriously HOW CAN ANYONE BELIEVE THIS STORY?

    I think you need to cut down on the soap operas O.P! Its sad.

  13. #92
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    She could be suffering from Bipolar.

    Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that can be characterized by drastic mood swings — between feeling elated, energetic, and risky to feeling sad and disinterested. These drastic swings are called episodes of mania and depression, and they are the classic signs of bipolar disorder. Not everyone has these drastic swings; some people with bipolar disorder swing back and forth between depressive and somewhat elated states.

    But when someone with bipolar disorder is having a manic episode, risky, reckless sexual behaviors and significantly increased sex drive are quite common. Hypersexual behavior is often a warning sign of a manic episode, but keeping bipolar disorder managed with medication and therapy can stop hypersexuality.

    Some people with bipolar disorder may show a greater interest in sex and sexually risky behaviors than is otherwise normal for them.

    http://www.everydayhealth.com/bipola...r-and-sex.aspx

  14. #93
    Saudi Arabia taqwa435's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    salams,

    i cant be bothered to read everyones replies, but oh my days, OP - i dont know why but your post sounds dodgy, how can a sister who is so happily married,no problems (as you say) etc do a 360 degree turn?! i don't know your story doesnt add up!

    may be i am wrong. Allah SWT knows best.

  15. #94
    Vahabi Asma-SE's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by Saquib View Post
    When i threatened to divorce her, she just said, "i know you won't do that, we have kids and besides you're too soft.....haha!!!" and start laughing.
    She sounds like the perfect evil movie villain.
    "And We will remove whatever is in their breasts of resentment, [so they will be] brothers, on thrones facing each other."
    Al Hijr: 47

  16. #95
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    guys i dont know this guy, but i do know women who change suddenly.. the woman who i am talking about changed after her divorce but took her 1 year...

    she has slept with 22 men in 6 months...and she is a muslim..

  17. #96
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    In my opinion the story is not the truth, if the OP is sincere why would he be using some of the language he has used? This isn't a kids forum last time I checked. The guy is supposed to be a Cambridge educated guy, married with 2 kids..........don't sound like it to me !!!!

    Think the Mods need to clip this thread tbh..........the terminology being used isn't good, this issue could've been addressed with the correct language and with a bit more Adaab been shown?

  18. #97
    ~ Allahu Akbar ~ dhak1yya's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Taqwa 27 and everyone else that doesn't believe the situation... do you have a degree in clinical psychology or psychiatry?? If not you're not really qualified to comment on how realistic or not this man's situation is.

    There are some mental illnesses that can make people have sudden and dramatic personality changes and start doing irresponsible, dangerous and even totally crazy things. That's why, in the past, people with serious mental illness have been called things like "crazy" and it's been described as "going crazy". Nowadays people know better than to say things like "she's crazy" but people with certain mental illnesses can still have sudden and dramatic personality changes.
    Last edited by dhak1yya; 24-06-11 at 04:12 PM.





  19. #98
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by dhakiyya View Post
    Taqwa 27 and everyone else that doesn't believe the situation... do you have a degree in clinical psychology or psychiatry?? If not you're not really qualified to comment on how realistic or not this man's situation is.
    You don't need a degree to find the OP unrealistic. The persistent sexual references in the OP and subsequent replies(sex/virgin/well endowed etc) to me is just fishy not to mention completely inappropriate for a mixed muslim forum. Trolls always like to focus on islam and muslims attitude towards intimacy etc.

    People can reply with their advice because even if it doesn't help the OP it might help someone else but if it it walks like a duck...
    "And We will remove whatever is in their breasts of resentment, [so they will be] brothers, on thrones facing each other."
    Al Hijr: 47

  20. #99
    Very happy bunny -:) KeeKee's Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Quote Originally Posted by squidster View Post
    guys i dont know this guy, but i do know women who change suddenly.. the woman who i am talking about changed after her divorce but took her 1 year...

    she has slept with 22 men in 6 months...and she is a muslim..
    and how the heck would you know that? for goodness sakes!
    The enforcement of Muslim Brotherhood is the greatest social ideal of Islam. On it was based the Prophet's (SAW) sermon on his last pilgrimage, and Islam cannot be completely realized until this ideal is achieved. '
    (Shaikh Maulana Muhammad Yusuf)
    In Lam Takun Ghaadiban Annee Falaa Ubaalee...

  21. #100
    Nostalgia.. ~ Jumana ~'s Avatar
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Who ever feels this thread is a number of lies that were beautifully written without even knowing the guy in real life , please go to post NO. 81 by sis dhakiyya !
    Jannah is my aim

  22. #101
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    Re: My wife has changed SO much!!! Please help me!

    Subhana'Allah!

    Poster, I dont know what is worse - what your wife [supposedly did] or what you have posted here. To me, your action is worse - your discussing issues that are so intimate, very casually is alarming. Brother, your at fault for discussing your maritial affairs in public - I believe there is a better way to deal with your situation. You need to address this with your wife and those whom you trust to help you come to an informed conclusion.

    ps. There seem to be a superficial outlook on your part - OR is that my perception..anyways - Insha'allah kheyr.


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