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  1. #1
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    Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way





    I've made this thread in order to assist the many heart broken individuals we get posting threads in this section. Getting over a lost love is quite a hardship and one can be very confused, emotional and in such pain that they are unable to rationalise the situation without some form of outside help.

    I've seen many threads where a person is told to "just get over it" etc and is treated quite harshly when this is not at all the way to deal with such people. I myself can attest to how it feels to experience the highest highs of love as well as the lowest of the lows and then to lose it all. This harsh treatment almost always comes from those who have not experienced the same situation and my advice to those who seek to advise another but cannot help but to be harsh, is that they should simply stay silent and leave it to those who will show some compassion and patience. (I remind myself before others, inshaa'Allah.)

    I found an article which, I believe has some excellent tips for those who are lovesick and thought sharing it would be a good idea. I hope this thread can help those who are suffering from heart break to understand better their situation and the whirlwind of emotions and then give them the push they need in order to move on and continue with life stronger then they were before, inshaa'Allah.

    Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr

    This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

    The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah.

    So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom.

    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

    Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome

    An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

    Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

    Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

    Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere.

    These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

    The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

    As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

    Step 3: Be proactive

    Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

    Step 4: Move on

    In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

    “If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]

    Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.
    Source: http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-are-suffering-from-broken-heart.html
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

  2. #201
    Odan GoogleSlayer's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    ^^^^
    Please Please Please Make Dua for these Click Here JazakAllahi

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    i cant wait to get over it!

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    mashallah, excellent article

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I totally agree. Poetry is the same as prayers.
    http://degreeway.com

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    asalaam alykum very wise words brother alhamdulilAllah i was once married and i am a revert, after i was married i met my wifes family and was finally accpeted by her family i am of mixed heratige and her family is mixed with eygpt/turkish/ and pakistani i noticed much culture following and family views in place instead of islamic quran and sunnah, Me being a person who likes to seek knowledge , caused much clashing of views, and arguments between myself and my wife, finally after 3 years of disruption and heartache, i am now divorced, a few words of advise to people from my own experiences "some people can live with culture within family" but some people cant, i loved my wife very very much i never ever loved before a person such as her,
    it is very hard to make a marriage work if you follow quran and sunnah if culture interferes with deen, the words of our prophet s.a.w are very very true!" youll have nothing but dust on your hands if you marry for any other reason but religion" when i first met my wife she was, and still is practising, but i didnt know about the culture aspect until regularly going to family gatherings and outings and when certain issues arose, i tried to advise and others did but some people are very stubborn, and only Allah guides whom he pleases, Love is a very strong condition sometimes i think its better to not love,
    theres a saying i heard once from a wise person "Take RESPECT, for without RESPECT there is NO LOVE!
    Last edited by revertmuslim2016; 23-10-16 at 07:14 PM. Reason: MISTAKES

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Dear Brothers and Sisters,

    I hope you can help me with something.

    I am a 20 year old girl, who had a long distance relationship with an English muslim convert. I would not consider it a typical relationship-relationship, but there were feelings involved, but we wanted to keep things the halal way. Anyways, I am going to try and make a long story short. We met online, but we skyped and everything so the person is real do not worry about that. And we spoke for 2 years. I was going to move to England for studies, and so was he (but our decision was based on by each other) it was something I had planned before I even spoke to him ever. However I had a gap year before I moved to London, due to personal reasons and so did he, but to travel. Our relationship was very good and he would always keep me updated and would talk about the future with me, and said that when we both moved to London we would have to meet to see where things were going and because the feelings were strongly involved. For me this seemed like the perfect guy because of the way he was looking at Islam and also how we would teach other things about it, however during november/december of 2015 after he mentioned he wanted to meet me earlier, he wanted a break. Which broke my heart, but that break did not last long, however when we spoke again things weren't great and we fully stopped talking for 7 weeks and without me expecting it, he contacted me. And later on admitted that he had not lost his feelings towards me, and that he had been drinking again so it ruined his relationship with me and to some extend islam. However when he contacted me he said he was on a better way and he was still into meeting in London, but the closer we got to moving to London something happened, when I mentioned that we would have to meet and that I could not put my life on hold, he said there was no chance of anything anymore and that it just wouldn't happen. Now I have been here in London for 3 months, and he tried to contact me three times, but on my old number. The third time he contacted me over Facebook and said he still cared about me and wanted to know how i was doing, when I replied he went silten for 2 weeks and then I asked him why he did so, and he said it wasn't a good idea of him to contact me, and three days ago I found out that he is now dating/in a relationship with a new girl who is non-muslim and from pictures I have seen it looks like he has started to drink again. When I mentioned to him that when it came to me he said he needed to take Islam seriously, but with her its not? He said "dont mention it" I feel like he knows he is making a mistake (Islamic wise)

    I have deleted him from all social media, but my brothers and sisters it is very painful. I thought Allah had sent me him into my life for a good reason, because when things were good they were perfect and also the things we shared about Islam. I feel like he know has fallen back into his bad habits, because he mentioned that his previous relationship (before me) was a mistake because it ruined his way to Islam.

    For the time I knew him he didn't struggle with drinking, he would pray and fast during ramadan and now you´re thinking how could u possibly know? Well because even though it wasn't the most common relationship, there was trust and proper updates.

    What do I do now? I really want him in my life as the person I knew him for, I feel like he will reach a point and realize the mistakes he is doing at the moment and regret the way he has treated me this past time... I am just really hurt. I am not saying I want to be married now, I am still very young, but this was a person I could see a future with and so could he. The new girl is not even a muslim, so I am pretty sure he cannot be himself with this girl. Also I found some comments where he was being rude to one of his best friends who is also a muslim. Also why would he contact me...

    I hope you can help me...

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Blessing in disguise.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Yeap .. well done

  10. #209
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    hmmm

    Indeed we belong to Allah,
    and indeed to Him we will return.


    Quran 2:156

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    wow this thread is from ~13 years ago..

    subhanAllah.

    I wonder where all these users are now... -sigh
    Indeed we belong to Allah,
    and indeed to Him we will return.


    Quran 2:156

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Please Please Please Make Dua for these Click Here JazakAllahi

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I am reaching the end of my relationship with a woman I dreamt would be the mother of my children.

    The reason I am posting on this thread today is to express my thoughts, feelings, and emotions so that in a few years, when I look back, I will understand the pain I overcame with the help of Allah swt in'sha'allah. I just need a place to vent and I suppose this thread is as good a place as any.

    My story:
    I fell in love with a woman and was in a relationship with her for only 6 months; what feels like the six best months I've ever spent with someone. Within a week we were attached to each other. We spoke about anything and everything to the point we knew each other better than we knew ourselves.

    She's kind, she's pretty, she's smart, she's caring, she's fun, she's understanding.

    Why I love her is:
    She healed me from what the last girl did to me, she made me understand that not every woman wants money, that some people just love, she made me see the true colours of my fake friends and now they're both out my life. She stopped me talking to other girls. She taught me to love myself, I was so bitter. She made me feel good. Made me feel handsome. Made me feel like I count. Like I matter. She was like my wife. I opened up completely to her. She knew my deepest darkest secrets and she helped me overcome them. Secrets I thought I would die with. She helped me.
    It was definitely love.

    However, she is a disbeliever of Allah swt and she is firm in her disbelief. Because of this, I told her it is forbidden for me to marry her and that one day we will end this. She used to say she would convert for me, but that would only make her my wife, not a Muslim. She cried wishing she was born a Muslim. She became so depressed. May Allah swt guide her.

    It came to a point where she became ill and finally decided we will end our relationship this week.
    She broke down and in turn it broke me down. The pain of losing someone that I have loved so deeply made me sick.

    This then turned to the pain of someone I love going to jahannum in the end.
    I became desperate and begged her to convert, to consider islam.. I was going crazy begging Allah swt to save her, to guide her, even if it's not with me in the end. I became so ill that my family became worried for my health, not knowing it was due to depression.

    I approached my friends to get some help, some just brushed it off as "some girl", others tried to show me that only Allah swt can guide & to forget. She herself told me I'll fall in love with another after her.

    In the end I asked my cousin, an imam, to help guide me.
    He explained that because shaitaan was the third in our relationship, he made the girl seem like the source of my happiness. I said things like she helped me pray 5 times a day, she helped me get through my life, but it wasn't her it was Allah swt.
    He explained that my crying for her conversion was unjustified. He asked me if I cried this much for my own mother's deen or my family's deen. He asked me why am I crying so much for a stranger when my own family could be struggling with their Islam.
    Allah swt is the one who guides, we can only "invite" to Islam.
    My relationship with her was haraam from the start, no matter how much love we have. May Allah swt protect us all from haraam love.

    I still have a few days left with her before we go our separate ways as she wants to wish me for my birthday at least once in this lifetime. My weakness for her allows it.
    It is a pain I can not describe in words.

    I know healing can only start once we cut off, block each other, and delete every message. My imaan in weak in the sense that I am depressed over this; I find it hard to accept Allah swt's decree, I can't stop praying to Allah swt to grant her to me as a Muslim wife. It's wrong, in'sha'allah I will stop one day and just focus on myself and my family.

    To my future self, if you ever go through the pain of loss again, remember this moment and be grateful to Allah swt for getting you past it. It hurts, by Allah swt, it definitely hurts. My eyes tear as I write this. Just know that Allah swt will save you as He as always saved you.

    I will post again in the future once I have moved on. Until then I make dua for all those in pain from either halal or haraam love. I hope you pray for me too.

    Indeed to Allah swt we belong and to Allah swt we will return.

  14. #213
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by Igiveup View Post
    I am reaching the end of my relationship with a woman I dreamt would be the mother of my children.

    The reason I am posting on this thread today is to express my thoughts, feelings, and emotions so that in a few years, when I look back, I will understand the pain I overcame with the help of Allah swt in'sha'allah. I just need a place to vent and I suppose this thread is as good a place as any.

    My story:
    I fell in love with a woman and was in a relationship with her for only 6 months; what feels like the six best months I've ever spent with someone. Within a week we were attached to each other. We spoke about anything and everything to the point we knew each other better than we knew ourselves.

    She's kind, she's pretty, she's smart, she's caring, she's fun, she's understanding.

    Why I love her is:
    She healed me from what the last girl did to me, she made me understand that not every woman wants money, that some people just love, she made me see the true colours of my fake friends and now they're both out my life. She stopped me talking to other girls. She taught me to love myself, I was so bitter. She made me feel good. Made me feel handsome. Made me feel like I count. Like I matter. She was like my wife. I opened up completely to her. She knew my deepest darkest secrets and she helped me overcome them. Secrets I thought I would die with. She helped me.
    It was definitely love.

    However, she is a disbeliever of Allah swt and she is firm in her disbelief. Because of this, I told her it is forbidden for me to marry her and that one day we will end this. She used to say she would convert for me, but that would only make her my wife, not a Muslim. She cried wishing she was born a Muslim. She became so depressed. May Allah swt guide her.

    It came to a point where she became ill and finally decided we will end our relationship this week.
    She broke down and in turn it broke me down. The pain of losing someone that I have loved so deeply made me sick.

    This then turned to the pain of someone I love going to jahannum in the end.
    I became desperate and begged her to convert, to consider islam.. I was going crazy begging Allah swt to save her, to guide her, even if it's not with me in the end. I became so ill that my family became worried for my health, not knowing it was due to depression.

    I approached my friends to get some help, some just brushed it off as "some girl", others tried to show me that only Allah swt can guide & to forget. She herself told me I'll fall in love with another after her.

    In the end I asked my cousin, an imam, to help guide me.
    He explained that because shaitaan was the third in our relationship, he made the girl seem like the source of my happiness. I said things like she helped me pray 5 times a day, she helped me get through my life, but it wasn't her it was Allah swt.
    He explained that my crying for her conversion was unjustified. He asked me if I cried this much for my own mother's deen or my family's deen. He asked me why am I crying so much for a stranger when my own family could be struggling with their Islam.
    Allah swt is the one who guides, we can only "invite" to Islam.
    My relationship with her was haraam from the start, no matter how much love we have. May Allah swt protect us all from haraam love.

    I still have a few days left with her before we go our separate ways as she wants to wish me for my birthday at least once in this lifetime. My weakness for her allows it.
    It is a pain I can not describe in words.

    I know healing can only start once we cut off, block each other, and delete every message. My imaan in weak in the sense that I am depressed over this; I find it hard to accept Allah swt's decree, I can't stop praying to Allah swt to grant her to me as a Muslim wife. It's wrong, in'sha'allah I will stop one day and just focus on myself and my family.

    To my future self, if you ever go through the pain of loss again, remember this moment and be grateful to Allah swt for getting you past it. It hurts, by Allah swt, it definitely hurts. My eyes tear as I write this. Just know that Allah swt will save you as He as always saved you.

    I will post again in the future once I have moved on. Until then I make dua for all those in pain from either halal or haraam love. I hope you pray for me too.

    Indeed to Allah swt we belong and to Allah swt we will return.
    Hmm



    i'm glad u spoke to the imam because he advised you well

    when you play with fire, you will definitely get burned - but look to the burning as expiation

    she didn't heal you from those problems because Allah swt is in control of our happiness and sadness

    alhamdulilah thank Allah swt a thousand times that He kept u firm enough not to leave your deen for her

    Read up on decree and the mercy of Allah swt and some lightness may reach your heart

    If you give up something for His sake He will never forsake you so make sure this intention is pure

    Repent for your mistake and build your emaan to make your love of Him stronger than anything else

    This is where u should believe with all your heart that He will never let you suffer if you are sincere in your repentance and worship

    May Allah swt heal your heart ameen

    read His names and attributes and love Him more
    ...And he who fears Allah - He will make for him a way out. [65:3]
    "Put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him)."
    [Al-Imran 3:159]

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Salaam Thanks Bro for the Four Step guide.

    I think there has to be an area of deep reflection of review of how and why things went wrong? it is very indeed Allahs qadr but any sane person cannot go in life living in life without any certain control in their life especially their love life. This is often the gap with islamic counselling, there are some very real reasons things dont work out and we should not be shy to look at them objectively and make changes or challenge the status quo.

    Indeed Allah helps a people who help themselves. Those of us who have been hurt know why things went wrong and know if they have been wronged and they have a right to stick up for themselves the second time around.

    Muslim Loser

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Salaam Bro,

    This is a common bro i wouldnt be too worried. If shes a good girl and knows how to submit to you well than she is doing better than many many many muslim sisters.
    The first half of our deen is your relationship with allah pray fast zikr etc the second half is you and your wifes relationship with allah which comes from submissive and caring behaviours.
    This is usually the big challenge for many sisters and if you have a solid non-believing woman i wouldn't let her go for the world. These imams and maulana are totally lost they have no real fundamental solutions or the way forward.

    She might see herself as a muslim if you treat her well, btw we are allowed to marry jews and christians most imams would say you are not but you are!!!!

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    wow sister read this post its full of running feelings.

    if the bro has challenges with drinking etc accept him for who he is and move on! drinking is a sin not kufr you will meet many ethnic men who drink too!
    weigh out pros and cons.
    The reality of marrying a convert is they come with real challenges and baggage cost of nikkahing a white guy.

  18. #217
    Senior Member TURJUMAN's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by muslimloser View Post
    Salaam Bro,

    This is a common bro i wouldnt be too worried. If shes a good girl and knows how to submit to you well than she is doing better than many many many muslim sisters.
    The first half of our deen is your relationship with allah pray fast zikr etc the second half is you and your wifes relationship with allah which comes from submissive and caring behaviours.
    This is usually the big challenge for many sisters and if you have a solid non-believing woman i wouldn't let her go for the world. These imams and maulana are totally lost they have no real fundamental solutions or the way forward.

    She might see herself as a muslim if you treat her well, btw we are allowed to marry jews and christians most imams would say you are not but you are!!!!
    Who are you? Stop trolling people please. Imams don't make up stuff up. This is an Islamic forum & you're advising Muslims to hold on to non-believing women? Were you created in this world to satisfy your desires by whatever means necessary? Are you even Muslim to begin with?

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    i really appreciated that type of site

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    its better to love Allah because no one in this world derserve real love so dot waste your time for that

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    Question Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I wonder where you are in life now. And where she is too.
    And I wonder wtf (what the fatwa) is wrong with most people that instead of completely entering into Islam, they just pick one thing and impose it is such a way that it ends bad for people. Didn't ALLAH SWT tell us that Allah does not intend difficulty? Didn't He say He does not wish harm? Did He not say that He is Most Merciful and only intends good for you? Did He not say to strive on the right path and invite and be persistent at it? To invite WITH WISDOM and GOOD PRACTICAL EXAMPLE?
    Where is the wisdom on ordering a person to convert or bear emotional death? What kind of practical Islam is portrayed when loving and caring about someone is held hostage to apparently empty and regressive whims of religious clergy rooted in misunderstanding of the core tenets of this beautiful lifestyle?

    Allah SWT did not tell us to tear people apart in inviting them to His way. Allah SWT has allowed marriage with "people of the book" and has allowed consensual relations even with slaves, and for good purpose, for those desiring chastity.
    I pray that you, and others in such situations read this, and don't be hasty in converting your potential other. All good things take time. And if you, the man, have a good understanding of Islam in the way it's supposed to be, then your woman will go to great lengths with you, embracing Islam being just one of those.

    It breaks me to read about people being broken apart. It's a cold and heartless thing to do when there is the better alternative of working at it slowly and joining hearts bringing people closer to Allah SWT.

    I so wish I could speak to the two of you and tell you how beautiful your deen is in these matters. It joins hearts with those that are good, and distances from those that are not, the end result being goodness either way. That is the way of Allah, full of mercy. He Himself says His mercy is greater and overshadows His wrath.

    May Allah SWT guide us all to the true purpose and understanding of Islam.

    P.s. poor translations lead to poor understanding leading to poor advice. We are prohibited from marrying a kafir, i.e. one in denial. A person cannot be in denial of something that they don't even know. Without proper education about, and invitation to, Islam, we should refrain from the trigger-happy kafir declarations that are tearing hearts apart. Give people a chance to see the light before we declare them blind.
    Last edited by Confidante; 22-09-17 at 06:56 AM.

 

 

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