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  1. #1
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    Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way





    I've made this thread in order to assist the many heart broken individuals we get posting threads in this section. Getting over a lost love is quite a hardship and one can be very confused, emotional and in such pain that they are unable to rationalise the situation without some form of outside help.

    I've seen many threads where a person is told to "just get over it" etc and is treated quite harshly when this is not at all the way to deal with such people. I myself can attest to how it feels to experience the highest highs of love as well as the lowest of the lows and then to lose it all. This harsh treatment almost always comes from those who have not experienced the same situation and my advice to those who seek to advise another but cannot help but to be harsh, is that they should simply stay silent and leave it to those who will show some compassion and patience. (I remind myself before others, inshaa'Allah.)

    I found an article which, I believe has some excellent tips for those who are lovesick and thought sharing it would be a good idea. I hope this thread can help those who are suffering from heart break to understand better their situation and the whirlwind of emotions and then give them the push they need in order to move on and continue with life stronger then they were before, inshaa'Allah.

    Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr

    This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

    The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah.

    So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom.

    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

    Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome

    An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

    Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

    Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

    Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere.

    These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

    The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

    As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

    Step 3: Be proactive

    Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

    Step 4: Move on

    In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

    “If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]

    Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.
    Source: http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-are-suffering-from-broken-heart.html
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    It is said that getting over divorce is like that of losing a loved one. When you lose a loved one it take about 6 months before you feel like you are normal.

  3. #42
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    it's very difficult to do. especially if the two have to part ways when they both don't want to, and external pressures make it happen. some people never forget and still wish they could go to that. in those situations, you just hope and pray.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    suggestion
    sister Yasmin Mogahed placed a great input on this topic

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Assalamwaalaikum wr. wb.

    Thanks for sharing the article. Unfortunately I am in this situation of broken-heart. Never thought it would happen to me as I have always stayed away from girls practicing islam. I am trying to rationalize the situation, I still don't understand how does a 5 feet girl so uncute has the power to hurt me. Inshallah I will get over need just need sometime.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    As Salamu Alaikum to everybody out there. Im new in this forum.
    I had to divorce my husband which i still love deeply for the most heart aching reasons a person can imagine.
    Just remember that in the Quran Allah says:

    We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger, and lose of possessions, persons, or crops. But give goodness to the patient, those who say when a calamity afflicts them "We belong to Allah, and to Allah we return" They are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord, and mercy, they are the ones who are guided 2:155

    These verses helped me a lot. He mentions he might test us with persons.. Sometimes people walk into our lives for a reason, and then they walk out again. Sometimes instead of saying "what if" or "why me" we can ask ourselves "what did I learn from this relationship?"
    It's easy to say, i'm still suffering myself, but crying won't help, i know because i tried. what we can do is to say Alhamdulilah it happened, because nothing happens by coinsidence, and then try to benefit from the episode. Learn from it, grow, don't make the same mistakes again next time. Or appreciate that it happened. Maybe the person was good for you at that point and you were good for that person. Allahu Alam. I know im not saying something you probably haven't heard before, but i guess i needed to share.

    May Allah heal all of our broken hearts, and make it easy for us to move on, and to benefit from every trial and tribulation. Ameen.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Thank you. I have just gotten out of a broken engagement that lasted for two years. Need more of this!!! )

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    getting over a loved one is very difficult, whether someone dying or all of the above

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    MashAllah! This is wonderful..I am also healing a broken heart and it is very difficult specially if what we had was wonderful..but things that are perfect to us may not be perfect to Allah. So i gave up trying and just hope and pray for our Qadr to take place..Allah knows best!
    Last edited by Aye'sha; 09-05-12 at 01:56 PM.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Hey,I'm in the same boat as you guys.REcently been divorced,and it's extremely difficult..you guys all know what heartaches about,so I'm sure I don't need to say much for you understand the way I feel.

    Pray and turn to ALlah,and that's the way I'm getting through my pain.trust me guys or girls it works.
    Keep faith

  11. #50
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way


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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Nice thread

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I have the deepest sympathy for people with broken hearts, this applies to people from all walks of life, divorcees etc, imagine dreaming of growing old with someone then after years realising it was a lie, love is blind indeed, Im glad Allah has saved me this torment
    All beauty is lost
    In God do we entrust,
    Hope is our haven
    for the joy of the garden of eden

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    InshAllah with time everything will get easier - give it some time. These things take time and if things are meant to be they will.
    Quote Originally Posted by rafael123 View Post
    Assalamwaalaikum wr. wb.

    Thanks for sharing the article. Unfortunately I am in this situation of broken-heart. Never thought it would happen to me as I have always stayed away from girls practicing islam. I am trying to rationalize the situation, I still don't understand how does a 5 feet girl so uncute has the power to hurt me. Inshallah I will get over need just need sometime.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way


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    Salam. I just wanted to say a big thank you. Your post was very helpful and just what I needed. Been going through a very rough time lately and although everything you have mentioned i already know its just better when someone else points it out. I Have copied and printed it and stuck it on my wall. Inshallah we all find good people to love and marry.

  17. #56
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Remember, you need to have the right attitude. Just reading an article and thinking its interesting, isn't enough. You need to apply it, be determined and have full reliance on Allah (swt).

    May Allah reward and make it easy for you guys. Ameen.
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I don't know about anyone else. But when I fell in love my heart wasn't broken, it was put back together again.

    And yes I was rejected

    Falling in love with another, the halal way, is such a pure feeling.

    How anyone could religiously demonise it is beyond me.
    Sister Jigsaw!

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    May Allah SWT reward you for sharing this article.

    Like many others, I am in the same situation. Day in and day out I just try to keep myself busy and then try to find someone who understands and can listen to me. But the answer is Allah SWT. He is the One who understands. He is listening but do we talk to Him in the proper manner? Do we bow down in the middle of the night? Do we give up the sins, small or big, that we are used to doing? These are some ways to get closer to Allah SWT and then will we be able to know that He is listening and indeed responding.

    May Allah SWT help all the Muslims in the world. May Allah SWT bring peace, harmony, unity, and love between the entire Muslim Ummah. May Allah SWT guide us to practice Islam the proper way He commanded us too by using the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (saw). Ameen.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    خدا بهتون اجر بده

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    what a nice post very helpful .. thanks for sharing. it is my first time here in this site and i found it very interesting =)

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    What a wonderful article! Seems to have helped alot of people, sure does help me! Jzk..

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Asalaamu alaiykum to all

    I am going through a very tough time. This thread is giving me hope. To know that there are people out there in the same situation helps a lot. I have searched and searched and my only solution is to turn to Allah swt. Through his mercy I will overcome this inshaa Allah. I commend the person who started this as I realized that my heartache caused me to be closer to Allah. I was lost for a long time. Algamdulilaa. Make duaa that I will get through this insha Allah

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by Ahmads mommy View Post
    Asalaamu alaiykum to all

    I am going through a very tough time. This thread is giving me hope. To know that there are people out there in the same situation helps a lot. I have searched and searched and my only solution is to turn to Allah swt. Through his mercy I will overcome this inshaa Allah. I commend the person who started this as I realized that my heartache caused me to be closer to Allah. I was lost for a long time. Algamdulilaa. Make duaa that I will get through this insha Allah

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Although I haven't been through this myself my friend has

    My friends parents Broke her engagement off without her consent.
    Thinking the grass was greener on the other side. Oh how they r so wrong!
    Wish I could tell them respectfully but my friend really has a heart of gold.
    Although I know she is clearly not happy she sticking to it because at end of day divorce is most hated by Allah

    I didn't know how to advise her but this article helped.
    So thank you very much.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    It is very hard to live with this pain and my situation is getting worse second by second...

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by alhamdulillah32 View Post
    It is very hard to live with this pain and my situation is getting worse second by second...
    Allah will InshaAllah ease ur pain and soon. Ameen, sum Ameen

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way



    I randomly came across this quote today...

    healing.jpg

    I thought to share it here as it may help all those suffering from a broken heart...I'm not sure if it's actually helpful but hope at least someone finds it useful inshaAllah!

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by faithheals View Post


    I randomly came across this quote today...

    healing.jpg

    I thought to share it here as it may help all those suffering from a broken heart...I'm not sure if it's actually helpful but hope at least someone finds it useful inshaAllah!
    JazakAllah Khairan for it...
    And slay them wherever ye catch them,and turn them out from where they have Turned you out;for tumult and oppression are worse than slaughter;but fight them not at the Sacred Mosque,unless they (first) fight you there;but if they fight you,slay them.Such is the reward of those who suppress faith.

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    Lightbulb http://yallaah.wordpress.com

    BISMILLAAH HIRRAHMAAN NIRRAHEEM


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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    BISMILLAAH HIRRAHMAAN NIRRAHEEM


    'SALLALAAHU ALA MUHAMMAD SALLALAAHU ALAYHE WA ALEHI WASALLAM'




    SPREADING THE MESSAGE OF ALMIGHTY ALLAAH AND HIS BELOVED MESSENGER PROPHET MUHAMMAD S.A.W.W.



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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    BISMILLAAH HIRRAHMAAN NIRRAHEEM

    'SALLALAAHU ALA MUHAMMAD SALLALAAHU ALAYHE WA ALEHI WASALLAM'


    SPREADING THE MESSAGE OF ALMIGHTY ALLAAH AND HIS BELOVED MESSENGER PROPHET MUHAMMAD S.A.W.W.

    Rare Islamic Resources

    Please do join your brothers and sisters around the globe


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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Hi

    I am going through a hard time in my life right now, and I could do with some advice, from someone outside. About 2 years ago I got married with someone from pakistan, and everything was good, as far as i was aware, me and my family did everything that we could to bring the guy here, but it turned out that he did everything to get a visa and everything that he did was a lie. Allah says help everyone, so thats what we did, and everything has been thrown into our faces. My heart has been broken into a thousand pieces. Everyone is saying just be patient, but how can you be patient, when everything that he wants is happening, when he did it the wrong way, and everything that I want isnt even happening, and we did everything the right way, how is that fair?? The worst part in all of this, is if he was doing it for the visa and he was just honest with me from the beginning, instead of lieing to me over and over again, I would of helped him, every way that i could of? How do i move on and let it go.... thanks sairah x

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Alhamdulillah... Peace blown inside.............

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Subhanallah,
    This thread has done me a world of good. These past few months have been the hardest of my life, dealing with heartbreak is no easy thing. my emotions have been on a constant roller-coaster, and I have been toyed with like never before. Being only 19, it is regretful that my heart is so heavy. I feel like my heart is ridden with disease, as thoughts of never loving again often creep in, but I am well aware that these thoughts are just whisperings from shaytan trying to detour me from the straight path. This thread has really made me see the reality of the situation, and inshallah, it will be the first step in the
    healing process.
    Jazakhallah khair

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Thank you very much

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Many brothers are trapped or drawn in by the Allure. Allah has warned us, its in the quran, against being with women like this. Some are not close with Allah because they have to many worldly possessions ... they have jewels, makeup, fancy clothes, etc. stuff that makes them beautiful on the outside but not close to Allah. Women in, for example, Pre-Islamic persia were like this. There are some women too, who have an illicit sexual past. That can create an allure as well. Essentially, they send out a vibe, for lack of a better word, that draws you in. Whatever creates the allure though, do not be drawn in or trapped by it.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Thanku for such a lovely post. Dis has consoled me a lot. may Allah give u big ajar for dis, may He keep u happy always. Amin.
    plz tel me..wat do i do i of d memories? thr r lottttsss of dem. wat do i do of those memories? they r killing me, its too painful. my 6-year old engagemnt broke off due to my in-laws. God let their wicked plans succeed. I dont want to marry any1 nao.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    This post had made me join this forum, although my issues were solved after some days, .

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Assalam O Allikum
    Thanks for sharing such nice and wonderful information with us i hope you stay touch with this forum and share informatics information and also share your experiences with us. Islamic way is the best way to getting over a broken heart because Islam is full code of life and it tell us how to live and how eat,sleep ,behave ,how to talk and about every little activity of your life.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    A broken heart is not like a broken bone, it does not heal so easily. If you shared many years together it will make the loss even more painful. Everyone heals differently. A part of me will always love my ex.

 

 

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