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  1. #1
    not really here NGE's Avatar
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    Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way





    I've made this thread in order to assist the many heart broken individuals we get posting threads in this section. Getting over a lost love is quite a hardship and one can be very confused, emotional and in such pain that they are unable to rationalise the situation without some form of outside help.

    I've seen many threads where a person is told to "just get over it" etc and is treated quite harshly when this is not at all the way to deal with such people. I myself can attest to how it feels to experience the highest highs of love as well as the lowest of the lows and then to lose it all. This harsh treatment almost always comes from those who have not experienced the same situation and my advice to those who seek to advise another but cannot help but to be harsh, is that they should simply stay silent and leave it to those who will show some compassion and patience. (I remind myself before others, inshaa'Allah.)

    I found an article which, I believe has some excellent tips for those who are lovesick and thought sharing it would be a good idea. I hope this thread can help those who are suffering from heart break to understand better their situation and the whirlwind of emotions and then give them the push they need in order to move on and continue with life stronger then they were before, inshaa'Allah.

    Step 1: Accepting Allah’s Qadr

    This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

    The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allah knows your compatibility, only Allah knows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allah knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is only Allah who knows. Have trust in Allah that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allah.

    So firstly, make dua to Allah to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allah and His infinite wisdom.

    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]

    Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome

    An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

    Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

    Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allah the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

    Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere.

    These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allah will put into your life at the right time insha Allah. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

    The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don’t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

    As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allah, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

    Step 3: Be proactive

    Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

    Step 4: Move on

    In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allah has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

    “If you depend on Allah with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.” [Tirmidhi]

    Allah will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allah and His infinite wisdom.
    Source: http://islamic-quotes.blogspot.com/2011/02/if-you-are-suffering-from-broken-heart.html
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

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    ~Alhamdulillah~ Masumah's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Or you could write poetry
    *Alhamdulillah*

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    Kasim Kas1m's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    MashAllah NGE excellent coverage of the points.

    Masumah: are we gonna have another one of your super hit poems? I cannot wait.
    الصلوۃ والسلام علیک یا سیدی یارسول اللہ

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    There is none like Him. Muslimah81's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    mashallah, excellent article

    for sharing

    mods can this be made a sticky please?

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    ~ Allahu Akbar ~ dhak1yya's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I've stickied it, inshaAllah it will benefit lots of people here.





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    A mere traveller In The Skies's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Jazakallah fantastic post; should definately be made a sticky.
    O son of Adam! -Your mother gave birth to you while you were weeping,
    while those around you were laughing in joy.
    Work for the day, the day you die,
    that you may be laughing in joy then,
    while they will be weeping for you.

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    ~Alhamdulillah~ Masumah's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by Kas1m View Post
    MashAllah NGE excellent coverage of the points.

    Masumah: are we gonna have another one of your super hit poems? I cannot wait.
    lol nah...im not heart broken nomore alhamdulillah....truly the best advice is "In the rememberance of Allah do hearts find tranqulity"
    *Alhamdulillah*

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    Remember... adri's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Alhumdulillah

    The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

    The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




    [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
    [2] Ibid. pg. 46


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    أبحث مفتاح الدار السلام ibnuadam's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    , made my day
    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.”[Tabarani]

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by NeverGoodEnough View Post

    Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allah, so working on your eman and your relationship with Allah must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.
    thanks a lot, it's been really helpful..

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    WaAlikum-0-Aslam,
    mashallah, very nice post,
    Jazakallah for shearing such a nice post

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    BismIllah... muslimaghareeba's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way



    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.” [Tabarani]



    ive been looking for this for some time couldnt remember the wording though..





    Last edited by muslimaghareeba; 19-05-11 at 09:34 AM.
    La Ilaha Illa Anta, subhanaka, Inni Kunto Minal dhalimeen.(Al Anbiya 21:87) Nabi(SAW)said'None who is experiencing difficulty employs it except that Allah would relieve him of his difficulty'


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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    SALAAM alaykum, if ever there was a perfect way to get over a broken heart, the inventor would become a millionaire
    I don't know much but the more someone pushes me away, the closer I have to let Allah SWT be in my life

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    mashaALLAH gud thread.

    To add a small point.

    Moving on for different people might mean different things. Some may move on and never think of what was the past, others may remember things now and then, others may frequently be reminded of x and y. The person who never thinks isn't necessarily any more moved on than the person who has frequent reminders. Everyone is different and everyone's emotions are different so the broken-hearted should understand his/her own state and deal with it accordingly. He should not be obsessed with reaching a stage that is not part of his way; rather he should focus on managing what his emotions are and establish a unique response for his own unique emotions.
    Last edited by Medievalist; 23-06-11 at 11:16 PM.
    Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

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    Very happy bunny -:) KeeKee's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    whats that saying... you can hear a glass breaking, but no one hears a heart breaking?
    The enforcement of Muslim Brotherhood is the greatest social ideal of Islam. On it was based the Prophet's (SAW) sermon on his last pilgrimage, and Islam cannot be completely realized until this ideal is achieved. '
    (Shaikh Maulana Muhammad Yusuf)
    In Lam Takun Ghaadiban Annee Falaa Ubaalee...

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    salam everyone.
    Well, it really what I need right now. Honestly, those words are inspiring me to get over my heart breaking ,n start mending pieces of my scattered heart. Thank you very much.

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    Remember... adri's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    To those who remember now and then, is that a sin? If one does their best to rid those thoughts then is that good enough?

    The Prophet (saw) said, Verily, the knots of Islam will be undone one by one. Whenever one knot is lost, then the people grabbed onto the one which came after it. The first of these knots will be ruling and the last will be the salah.[1]

    The author of Sitoon as-Sultaniyah says about this Hadith: “It was the Prophet who tied together the knots of Islam, including the uppermost knot of ruling after he established the Islamic state…As mentioned by Imam Mawardi the leadership has been proscribed as the succession of the Prophet in protecting the deen and governing the societal affairs. In this respect – Imam Baidawi mentioned that the Imama/Khalifah is the succession from the Prophet in the establishment of the laws of the Shari’ah. So without the Imam the laws lie unapplied and the territory is not protected effectively. The hadith indicates that it is the uppermost knot that keeps the subsequent knots safe from being untied. This is since it is the ruler that is responsible to apply Islam in its entirety, to implement the limits proscribed by Allah and to protect the society. Imam Ahmed mentioned without an Imam (for the Muslims as their leader) there would be fitna, and the destruction of the symbols of Islam ending with the Prayer is a great fitna.[2]




    [1] Tabarani, Musnad Ahmad and Al Hakim in his Al Mustadrak
    [2] Ibid. pg. 46


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    میرے دل کا نور .mirror.'s Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    ↑As long as you don't act upon the thought, it's OK. Though, try your best to occupy yourself with other matters or better yet, dhirkullah.
    Call onto Allah, such that you are certain that He, al-Mujib wal-Kareem, will answer your call before you even lower your hands.
    وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    JazakAllah! just the thing i needed to read. Allah assist us all
    “Allah `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware’.”[Tabarani]

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    not really here NGE's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by diandri View Post
    salam everyone.
    Well, it really what I need right now. Honestly, those words are inspiring me to get over my heart breaking ,n start mending pieces of my scattered heart. Thank you very much.
    Hope you're ok bro/sis.

    May Allah grant you peace within your heart. Ameen.
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    I found my way to Islam though a broken heart. I would never give it up and would gladly go through it again. I thank Allah for everything I had to go through in order for me to finally reach out to him. I could not find answers to my pain in any other religion. I read veraciously and only found it in Islam. I reverted about two years after a divorce. That was about two years ago.

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    میرے دل کا نور .mirror.'s Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by Khalid Hashim View Post
    I found my way to Islam though a broken heart. I would never give it up and would gladly go through it again. I thank Allah for everything I had to go through in order for me to finally reach out to him. I could not find answers to my pain in any other religion. I read veraciously and only found it in Islam. I reverted about two years after a divorce. That was about two years ago.

    And...
    Welcome to The Forum!
    Call onto Allah, such that you are certain that He, al-Mujib wal-Kareem, will answer your call before you even lower your hands.
    وَقَالَ رَبُّكُمُ ادْعُونِي أَسْتَجِبْ لَكُمْ

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    ʚϊɞ ᎵᎡᎥᏁᏟᎬᎴᎴ ʚϊɞ Umm_Adam_'s Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Good Thread
    And He found you lost and guided you,
    ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

    Salaah Reminders

    Guide us to the straight.
    " Ihdina-s-sirata-l-mustaqim "
    ~ Quran 1:6 ~


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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by Masumah View Post
    Or you could write poetry
    haha been there
    listened to sad love songs too

    I should have taken the Islamic approach and

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by Khalid Hashim View Post
    I found my way to Islam though a broken heart. I would never give it up and would gladly go through it again. I thank Allah for everything I had to go through in order for me to finally reach out to him. I could not find answers to my pain in any other religion. I read veraciously and only found it in Islam. I reverted about two years after a divorce. That was about two years ago.
    It's amazing sometimes, the things you have to go through to find out what is better for you...

    I'm glad you found Islam, Brother, I can imagine what perfect timing that might have been.
    Ya Muqallib al-Quloob, thabbit qalbi 'alaa Deenik
    O' Converter of Hearts, make my heart steadfast upon Thy Way
    We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Assalam-o-Alaikum

    May Allah bless you for your sharing such a nice article. I am sure many people like myslef will benefit from this article. I have been trying to move on after an unsuccessful marriage proposal and I believe this is will definitely help me to move on.

    May Allah grant us the patience we need to face the trials and tribulations that are to come. Aameen....

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    you know what makes me angry is .......that ....nevermind

    no one understands the heart apart from Rabb, people often look down upon you or think your some sort of bollywood brainwashed looney.
    but thats not the case, sometimes even if you do things the right way something can still go wrong
    for example,,"your old man says NO ....for no reason"

    whats upsetting is, because of culture and because of people bending the rules.....zina is more easy than marriage.
    May Allah swt look after those who have thr innocent hearts broken ameen
    sometimes all you want is to be right and be happy. how you end up in the deep dark pitt Allah knows but He will look after you where eva u r

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Mash Allah very nice article. Jazak Allah.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    jazakallah for such a thread, i really needed something like this at the moment.

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    asalaamu alaykum waRahmatullahi waBarakaatuh


    What to do if your friend gets Heart-Broken
    :


    http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthrea...s-heart-broken

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    not really here NGE's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Wow, this thread still getting bumped.

    @nda, the thread you posted is excellent.
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    sighs.
    Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

  33. #33
    not really here NGE's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Whats wrong? Reminiscing over lost love eh?
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

  34. #34
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    lol. as if.
    Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

  35. #35
    not really here NGE's Avatar
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Lies!
    Allah will ask on the Day of Judgment: “Where are those who loved each other for the sake of My glory? Today, on a day when there is no shade but Mine, I shall shade them with My shade.”(Muslim)

    "Zendagi Migzara..."

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    mashallah, well said, I my self will benefit from this, not nessasarly i went through it, but getting some ideas to advice ones who experinsed such pain..
    may allah help us all. jzak Allah swt khairan enshAllah

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    Quote Originally Posted by simplicity_123 View Post
    you know what makes me angry is .......that ....nevermind

    no one understands the heart apart from Rabb, people often look down upon you or think your some sort of bollywood brainwashed looney.
    but thats not the case, sometimes even if you do things the right way something can still go wrong
    for example,,"your old man says NO ....for no reason"

    whats upsetting is, because of culture and because of people bending the rules.....zina is more easy than marriage.
    May Allah swt look after those who have thr innocent hearts broken ameen
    sometimes all you want is to be right and be happy. how you end up in the deep dark pitt Allah knows but He will look after you where eva u r
    Could not have put it better myself.

  38. #38
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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way

    No one understands full stop.

    No one can, except Allah...
    اذاً لن يضيعنا الله

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    Wow this is amazing! Makes sense!

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    Re: Getting Over a Broken Heart ~ The Islamic Way



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