I have made a terrible mistake....

[Crossroad]

I just wanted to start by giving my greetings to you all, as this is my first post here, and my first time on a Muslim forum. I realised recently that I haven't been in touch enough with my religion (my parents don't really tell me things much, and I don't have many muslim friends) so I have begun to read up a lot on things myself and I am hoping to become a better Muslim. May Allah guide us all to the path of righteousness, and peace and blessings to you all. I would greatly appreciate your help.

Right now I am in a bad situation.. and it's causing me much emotional stress. But it's my fault and I blame only myself. I have fallen for a non-believer, and made the mistake of forming a relationship with him, unbeknownst to my parents. I have not touched this person. At the time I didn't know anything about what is said about this in the Qur'an.. when I found out that I would never be allowed to be with this person, I guess I have since been holding on to the hope that one day he would accept Islam. I don't know how to pray, but I am very aware of God and sometimes I talk to Him and ask Him to guide him to the right path.. I cry so much and just don't know what to do.. God has blessed me and I've made this mistake.. what is hurting me a lot is that I am about to hurt someone very special to me because I know I have to break it off..

When we were friends, we developed a great bond and have been through a lot. We've helped each other through lots of downs. It didn't matter to me what religion he was, I was still there for him as a friend and treated him like any other fellow human being. I find peace when helping others. After a while, I realised that I started to develop feelings for him, for who he was. It was not a physical thing. I care a lot about him and just want him to be happy. He is a very sweet human being who has always helped others, putting them before himself. He's bipolar and has a very difficult time at home (his parents pretty much tell him he's worthless every day of his life). He has been taken advantage of so many times by those closest to him and had been betrayed by someone he loved. Because of these things, and because I trusted him so much, I wanted him to know that there is someone out there that loves him.. I just wanted to make things better. I told him that I loved him, that it didn't matter to me if he didn't feel the same, and that I just wanted him to be happy. I hadn't any idea about what I was going to get into by saying this, but I just wanted to tell him the truth that I had kept from him for a long time. He confessed to me that he did indeed feel the same, and about how much he talked about me to his friends, and how I have always been good to him. I just want you guys to understand that it's straight from the heart..

There is no intimacy or anything like that, we talk to each other like friends and crack jokes sometimes just like other people do. He treats me well and is everything I look for..

I'm just so lost... we can't be together because he doesn't believe.. I'm afraid that if I tell him it's because of my religion it will drive him further from it in terms of respect because it'll hurt him. He was already betrayed by a girl who went for someone else and left him broken, and now he's going to be hurt again..

It's all my fault.. I just couldn't hide my feelings. I wish he would believe, but no one should have to convert for someone else.. belief has to come from the heart, from your own convictions. This is the reason why I think it's best to let him go, to save the pain in the future in having to adjust to different ideals. I honestly believe it would be best for him.

What I'm struggling with his how I can do this.. how can I tell him? I just don't know what to do.. I know it's going to be painful but I have to do it. I'm just not sure how I can approach him about it. If anything, what else can be done? Thanks so much for reading, and if someone could share with me their point of view.

~ Crossroad

[.mirror.]

Alhamdulillah, I must say that you are brave to decide to let him go for the sake of your religion. May Allah reward you for this bold step.

This is the best thing to do. You have to cut of all contacts with him as he's a non-mahram to you. Just keep in mind that Allah will be more pleased with you if you let him go. Who else do we need to please beside Allah? No one. If Allah is pleased with us, then that's all we need in this world. So, please for the sake of Allah, be strong and tell him that your religion doesn't allow you interacting with him.

Also, you must, must, must learn to pray and pray regularly. It's VERY IMPORTANT!

Ask for forgiveness from Allah for what has happened and He is the Most Merciful.

[Zoya09]

,

The only options you are left with are to either cut off all contact with this non mahram or tell him the truth and then it is up to him to educate himself about islam. However, the fact remains that he is most likely not going to convert to islam and especially for the right reasons and converting just to marry you is haraam. It is good that you have realised your mistake and are now looking to rectify it, but dont get your hopes up to avoid disappointment and heartache, distance yourself away from him.

When a non muslim man shows interest in my friends they always inform him straight away of islamic etiquette or rules and after that these men know where they stand and many move on whilst the few whom Allah subhana wata ala guides are drawn to islam and study it for a long while before even thinking of marrying. If it is meant to be then it will be and if not you will inshallah get much better.

[faithheals]

sister,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I hope you stay strong and do the right thing InshaAllah, make dua and ask Allah for his guidance in all situations and InshaAllah you will make the right decisions in life. May Allah swt bring you closer to Him and open your friend's heart to Islam Ameen.

You said you don't know how to pray so I found this website to help you:

http://southernmuslimah.wordpress.co...-step-by-step/

Hope it helps. May Allah swt put right all your affairs, Ameen.

[Crossroad]

Salam to you all,

Thanks for being so understanding! And to faithheals for the useful link, which I will definitely be looking into. You guys are right, and I honestly believe it will be best for him, too. I haven't spoken to him for a few days and it's been tough, but today I'm going to try and talk it through with him. I don't think it's right that I just disappear without saying anything at all.

Here goes... God help me...

[wifeseeker]

Dear sis, your on the right track.
Alhamdulillah the path you need to tread is in front of you and you know what to do.
All you need is how.

The simple way to look at it is to acknowledge your mistakes, repent for them as Allah accepts all sincere repentance, and simply tell the chap that your life has taken a turn and now you are moving in a different direction. Explain to him that before you were lost and then you found guidance and with that guidance came peace. Explain to him what islam is and the pease you feel because of it and that islam is very important to you now whilst before it was not. Explain that the source of your peace is your newfound bond with your Lord who created all things. Explain to hin that it is this Lord that you wish to please and refrain from displeasing. Explain that it would be ingratitude to deny Allah as the creator and that he (your friend) must make a choice.
Either he accepts Allah as the creator and sole Lord of the creation or he can remain as he is.
Don't force his decision in any way as it is Allah that guides.
If he accepts Islam, alhamdulillah.
If he remains on his divergent path, then explain it is no longer acceptable for you to be so close and it is for the best that you go your own ways.
If he insists on remaining friends, then hand him over to some practising brothers to give him more Dawah.
Leave the rest up to Allah.
Remember that if you leave something for the sake of Allah, He will replace it for something better.

[faithheals]

Salam to you all,

Thanks for being so understanding! And to faithheals for the useful link, which I will definitely be looking into. You guys are right, and I honestly believe it will be best for him, too. I haven't spoken to him for a few days and it's been tough, but today I'm going to try and talk it through with him. I don't think it's right that I just disappear without saying anything at all.

Here goes... God help me...

Stay strong sister as Allah swt is always by your side and always ask for His guidance and help with everything that you do. May Allah swt ease all your difficulties. Ameen.

[Bint-Al-Islam]

i truly wouldn't know what to do if i was in that position. so i can understand where you coming from.
but at the same time, please Allah and just let him go. BUT not before you tell him the truth. he deserves to know the truth, and you never know Allah guides who he wants. he might willingly want to convert to Islam. but at least give him the chance to know of the true religion.

[.mirror.]

Salam to you all,

Thanks for being so understanding! And to faithheals for the useful link, which I will definitely be looking into. You guys are right, and I honestly believe it will be best for him, too. I haven't spoken to him for a few days and it's been tough, but today I'm going to try and talk it through with him. I don't think it's right that I just disappear without saying anything at all.

Here goes... God help me...

Keep it short and to the point.

[Crossroad]

Thank you all for the very sound advice!!

I couldn't contact him yesterday, but I'm hoping he'll be around today. I'm getting extremely annoyed with the way he's been acting lately, he's suddenly become so egotistical it's strange! This guy is not the same guy I befriended. The other day, I saw him post on a website a joke about the Japan earthquake, and contentedly saying he doesn't care if he goes to hell for saying the joke. He's been mean to people on the website under my nose! I also saw him ask what hell was like.. which is weird of him to say since I thought he doesn't believe in it. And many times he's insulted God S.W.T very badly, even in front of me when he knows that I believe! There's no way I would have tolerated living around that. I have no clue why he's acting like this lately, but I think the relationship has gone to his head and I've simply become an accessory.

What happened to that calm, respectable nature he had? He used to treat people so well. I think Shaytan has got to him... no kidding... the things he's been writing just doesn't sound like him any more. I know that he has bipolar disorder and that causes manic behaviour on one spectrum (because of the chemicals in the brain) which really changes someone's personality in a flash, but he's had this for years and he's never been such a jerk.

I honestly believe that God is trying to show me something, by letting me realise these things, I seem to have lost most of my attraction to him! I haven't cried at all today and hardly even thought of him as much as I normally do. I've been tested and been down a long path, but I've learnt my lesson.

If we remain friends and I see him acting strange I'm going to shed a little light on Islam and see what happens, but like you said, perhaps he is one of the ones that is going to end up astray. It's sad because he used to be so kind-hearted and caring, but I have to accept God's will, and I do.

Thanks so much for sticking by me you guys, honestly, it's really, really helping me. None of my friends or family know about this, and it's really comforting to be able to confide in people such as you all. And I think I've talked too much so I'm doubly thankful for you guys listening to my rambling. Peace and blessings.

[wifeseeker]

No problem at all dear sis.
Also, bear in mind that ppl normally change for the worse when they get married.
This is because their true nature that they were hiding from you comes out ie they no longer need to hide it as they have their prize, you.
Alhamdulillah, youv'e woken up.
The definition of a disbeliever is one who knows the truth but covers it up.
Everyone knows there is a creator but they deny and cover the reality opting instead to make up their own theories for how they came to be.
This is ingratitude to the creator.
The disbeliever cannot even grow a hair on the palm of their hand yet they make up a theory for their own existence.
They deny all revelation and the message of the prophets and messengers.
This is ingratitude.

Muslims submit to the will of Allah.
We obey His command.
We fear His punishment.
We crave for His love and pleasure.
He is our Lord.

[.mirror.]

Good. All the more reasons to stop interacting with him.

[Crossroad]

Well I told him... it was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. I talked to him for a long while in what felt like forever.. I told him how I couldn't be what I dreamed to be for him.. I mentioned how different ideals would make us clash in the future, how he'd have to be Muslim for us to join.. but I didn't try to convince him to be one or anything because converting just to be with me would be wrong. I decided to end it there.

I promised him it was for the better and he wasn't saying much back to me. He really did love me and was my best friend...

In my last post I made in this thread I was mad at him... but now that I think about it, he never actually did anything directly bad to me, that's why I'm finding it so hard to accept giving him that pain.. He's simply ignorant of God, and that's what makes him act like that. He's astray.. maybe one day he'll seek guidance..

I tried so hard to make him understand.. I can feel inside that God is giving me strength because my heart isn't as badly broken as it once was. It's beginning to get worse, but I accept.. because it's my fault.. I cried in school but didn't allow anyone to see my tears. Put my head down in class and my teacher just went ahead and threw things towards me, thinking I was asleep..

Sisters...never, ever allow yourselves to be in a situation like this...ever... and thank you for being there for me...

[Zulekha100]

^There will come a time you will look back and wonder 'why o why' - perhaps am cynic of love and the nonsense about not being able to live or function without the other person - I honestly dont get it. Now thats me and enough of me. Back to you sis, your a lucky so and so I tell you. You know Allah only guides those who he wants to guide - So I say to you Masha'allah. May Allah continue to guide you in the path of truth.

Embrace the change dear!

ps.Being a Muslim is through actions, steady fast on your prayers. During prayers you will recite surah Fatiha, and this surah is a dua. We ask Allah to guide us on the path of truth.

pss.Dont dwell on so much on this relationship - work harder in the relationship between you and your creator, yourself..as I said am a cynic of this love for a man or woman. I believe I came alone and I will leave alone, but ofcourse meanwhile I got to get on with the mere beings..

Alright cheer up dear! take a deep breath and exhale - remember Allah is all forgiving and merciful - no matter what you feel you have done wrong, you can only do is ask for his forgiveness.

insha'allah kheyr.

[Crossroad]

Loool sis, that cheered me up. I agree with you with what you said about the 'not being able to live without the other person' part, that's definitely not what I'm feeling. I'm pretty strong and can deal with pain quite well, I just.. feel sad that something I cared about so much didn't work out and ultimately ended up bringing pain on another. It's the guilt of the latter, and the sadness that something you wanted a lot and worked hard for couldn't be..

But I will accept it because I have to. And will ask for forgiveness for all of this, when I am alone and am feeling it in my heart..

[Bint-Al-Islam]

sis, wouldnt be better for you if you kept your life simple. stress free, no haraam stuff. just look after your children, husband and home. why do you like all these dramas? what they gona give you?
your story has become some sort of episode from Eastenders in this forum. i'm only telling you this, because i truly care about Muslim sisters and would not like to see them gow through all this.
unless you saying otherwise.
Wasalam.

[Crossroad]

I know, sis.. This really was unnecessary drama, I do agree and am not saying otherwise. I don't like drama at all and that's why I've gotten rid of it by sorting out this problem..

I was just posting my thoughts. I don't really have anyone else to talk to.. but I think I've talked too much for now. I am really grateful for all of your contributions. May Allah guide you all.

[-MA-]

MashaAllah, good to see a situation ending for the good on here. Now you have a new start sis, concentrate on getting closer to Allah . The One who granted us life, and commanded us to worship Him.

Can I recommend if you already do not, you wake up and pray Fajr salah. There is nothing peaceful like it.

[Fairy]

Someone I know was in the same boat, she told the guy who said he could never convert because his family were christian and they would be heart broken etc but now he is a muslim and even his mum is reading the Quran!

[.mirror.]

Alhamdulillah. That's good, sis. You did the right thing.

May Allah be pleased with you and forgive you.

Someone I know was in the same boat, she told the guy who said he could never convert because his family were christian and they would be heart broken etc but now he is a muslim and even his mum is reading the Quran!

Allah guides who He wills.

[AX1300]

Just read this thread.

Crossroad, I think you handled the situation well.

There are life-situations we will all face, situations were there is no easy option, were it is much easier to let things flow as they are, regardless of what is right, wrong, etc. It is these situations that define us.

It is in these situations that really test our character, our piety and righteousness.

When I find myself in such a situation, I always think to myself, this is oppurtunity to prove myself to God. That always makes me focus, and it makes it much easier.

Giving up an oppurtunity to get with a girl/guy, giving up something to someone more needy etc. Sacrificing, it is painful, you get that pain thinking you gave up something that could have brought you so much happiness, but Allah (SWT) is aware. God will bring calm to your heart, and God will reward your sacrifice, God will provide you with something better.

[anistop]

Sister, you have closeness to Allah which makes you feel guilty of this situation. It is good to help people in distress, but we should not go too far in it so that it starts affecting our own peace. A troubled person cannot be of good to anyone else. The best thing you can do is to give a good counsel when somebody seeks it. There is no concept of friendship or relationship in Islam between unmarried people, so even if he was a Muslim, it would not have been right for you to have a relationship with him. It was worse because he is a non-Muslim, because you ran the risk of compromising your religious beliefs and make your parents unhappy. He should not convert to Islam because of you, it will not be sincere faith. You did a right thing by advising him to study Islam, and if he is sincere and loves Islam, he will certainly become a Muslim. Our responsibility is to deliver the message and at best do a duaa for their guidance. But we should not be too desperate to convert people, because guidance is only with Allah. Our responsibility is only to pass the message.

You have done a good thing to end contacts with the man, without A grown up man, he should take responsibility for his miseries and challenges, and should not depend on a girl for emotional support to save himself from falling apart. If he depends on you too much, either he is emotionally blackmailing you or he is not mature enough.

[Abdinasir]

Dont let your compassion for eachother keep you from complying with allah swt. You should immidiately lose contact with this person. Or tell them to sincerely revert to islam and get married.