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How can I control the nafs?
What can I tell me nafs to curb the desire when it speaks of doing evil stuff like watching non-mehram women, movies and other filth ?
What are your personal experiences and what worked for you?
well first of all, lower ur gaze...that will make a whole lot easier for u.
possibly look for a wife ? fast ?
Abu Huraira (ra) narrated that the messenger of Allah (saw) said 'Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look at the faults of others, and do not indulge in spying on one another..do not be jealous of one another and do not hate one another, O Allah's worshippers! Be brothers'(Sahih Bukhari)
You can try reading books, listening to lectures, fasting anything that increases you awareness of Allah subhana tala. But the Qur'an is the best healer, a healing for spiritual and physical problems, try that first. Listen to the recitation, read along, immerse yourself in the study of the Qur'an, read tafsir, increase your understanding of the words of Allah subhana tala. Repent, make sincere dua and ask Allah subhana tala to show you a way to deal with this.
Someone once described ones nafs as a small child, one that needs to be trained into submitting to Allah subhana talas will, if you give into everything it desires you spoil it, but gently and with alotta patience you can teach children the difference between right and wrong, and the consequences of their actions, so similarly you're gonna have to teach yourself by spending more time learning about Islam, you're gonna have to be patient make dhikr frequently and make sincere duah. Fasting is amazing, it constantly reminds you of Allah subhana tala.
I can't think of personal experiences with regards to what you're asking about, my major problem is probably with music. Even when I desperately crave/want to listen to it, I don't because I remember what music does to me, it makes me forget the main important things in life, it's like a kind of intoxication :/ and I end up wanting it more and more and spend all my time listening to it, and the worst thing is that it messes up my Salah! I can't focus on my prayers, and honestly if I loose that I might as well be dead. When I think of what I've got to loose if I listen to it, it just makes me think 'helllllll no!' Alhumdulilah it works for me, even when you're really desperate it helps because staying away from sin and being patient on that is so so so rewarding!
"Avoiding the temptation to sin and being patient upon that, is greater than being patient whilst being afflicted with trials." - Ibn Taymiyyah
(this is stolen from Abu Esa Naimatullah)
"See, when the trial comes upon a person, there's not really all that much one can do rather than grin/grimace and bear it. When you get smacked down, you are reminded of your human fragility in a quick and devastating fashion which usually knocks some kind of sense in to you and makes you turn to the Lord of humans. All of us have experienced this, in fact this is a profound experience for even those who DON'T believe in God, so what about those who do! Of course a few will turn even further away from God and indeed blame Him for their misery, and that is of course the curse of kufr in itself. :-(
But your ability to continue to thank and praise the One who trialled you is why sabr is such a rewarded action. And this is a vital characteristic to develop for the Muslim, especially when one remembers that I think sabr is emphasised for the Believer in the Qur'an, what, over 90 times odd?
But when all things are good, fine and dandy, and your levels of normal patience against difficulties are not being tested, then every single type of 'ibadah is under the spotlight. Every type of 'ibadah becomes difficult. Being thankful becomes more difficult when it's all good. Remembering Allah more becomes difficult when you're not tasting the horror of a life without dhikr of Allah.
It is here where the guard comes down. And it is here where the Shaytan is going to bring his A-game and play on your decreased sense of awareness. Good times = less stress = less need to turn to the One who relieves stress = less being aware of the One who relieves stress = guard comes down = Shaytan plays you with his moves = sin is beautified to levels unknown before.
And sin is by its nature beautiful, attractive, seductive, tasty, easy. Think sexy looking men and women to look and fantasise over, think addictive bass-lines and soul beats and melodies, think sleeping in the snug bed and not getting up for Fajr and enjoying the warmth, think lets watch the feature movie instead of making it down to Isha.
To have sabr against all these temptations is a real jihad and our personal experience proves that. So if we combine my last status update on experience teaching us things, and the realities taught to us by the scholars as in here by Ibn T, then things do indeed to start make sense, which is itself in short supply and indeed a status update from a few ones back."
So, maybe you could think of all the things that will mess up for you, how badly your relationship will mess up with Allah subhana tala if you continuously displease him, maybe it'll help you stay away, inshaAllah.
InshAllah you will be able to beat this, one of the things that scares me alot is when i read things like "if you don't lower your gaze, Allah will cause you to loose your modesty" and modesty is half you imaan! I don't know where I read that, but it makes sense, if you lower your gaze it protects you so much from sin, if you give free reign to your nafs and let it do what it pleases then there aint no stopping there, looking will just open doors to more sin, one sin will lead to many more, that's another thing that helps me when I think of it like 'I might not be as good a muslim as I want to be, I might even be the worst in Allahs eyes, but I can't mess up the little good that I got going on by adding more sins to the list, if right now Im not progressing than at least I can stop myself from going backwards by staying the hell away from anything that can displease Allah.' So yeaah, it's difficult, but it's not impossible, prove to Allah subhana tala that you are serious about fixing up this problem, fast, do dhikir, constantly remember Allah, read his words, someone said that in the past the people used to treat the Qur'an as personal letters to them from Allah subhana tala, so go open that book and read what Allah subhana tala is saying, read tafsir so you understand it, and then stay awake at night for tahujjed and just beg Allah, trust me cry like a baby, it works wonders! When a kid cries really badly parents normally give the kid what he or she wants, trust me when you cry and cry to Allah subhana tala sincerely and you want help, it amazing! It's like you raise your hands to Allah subhana tala and miracles happen, thats how wiiicked duah is so yeah try that.
May Allah subhana tala help you beat this problem and make your nafs in total obedience to Him, and make your heart and nafs turn away from sin, ameen thum ameen