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  1. #1
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    Icon9 I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    السلام عليكم

    Hi everyone,

    okay first of all, I'm not a typical teen and all that. I'm 21 this year.

    I recently unintentionally 'fell in love' with this guy who's like my best friend right now, but the problem is - he's definitely in love with my best friend - who's like a sis to me (and she, btw, is not in love with him but shes always giving him the wrong idea - probably on purpose).

    Ive never felt this way about someone. never have I dated and done anything of that kind (alhamdollillah). I am shy, especially with men.

    We are both opposites. I'm an Introvert, And hes an Extrovert. he sees me as this very eccentric person and my friend as perfect (he said that literally).

    Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. My heart aches so bad. Its enough I have so many issues with myself, people around me and my life. Every time I think about him being attracted to her and not me, I feel so worthless. Ive never had any man felt that way about me, where as she has. I care more about him more than she does, and he doesn't seem to care about me.

    I don't know what to say anymore. I never express my feelings and thoughts to anyone. This is the first time. I feel so depressed, so angry. I know this might sound a bit naive and crazy, but I often fantasize about us being married, and when I over analyze everything and realize that is just impossible on so many levels, I just feel like dropping dead.

    Its so hard for me to 'fall in love'. And I know this might sound...I don't know the word, but anyway, I think that I am a better match for him than my Friend. Lol. Okay that sounds ridiculous, so I'm not going to continue on that, but I still mean it for so many good reasons. I just think as a Muslim we would make a great married couple.

    Please help me...I know only god can, but still I need people right now...I have no one... I'm lonely and depressed...

    sometimes, I just try to focus my mind on other things, forget about him, hate him, or convince myself there will be someone else except the feelings will be mutual, and etc.
    sometimes, I just try to think of him as an immature, naive idiot who just likes my friend because shes flirtatious, more attractive and glamorous. And sometimes I wish they would marry each other just to suffer. LOL. because I feel like they both have a tendency to be superficial, materialistic, argumentative and aggressive. and he loves her, but she doesn't so the marriage will go boom. and etc. astaghfirallah.
    I know I shouldn't be thinking that way, and its weird, but I'm human. and angry. and sad.

    Ok done...

    and Btw, sometimes he gives me the wrong idea as well by some things he does and says...thats how I started to have feelings for him.

  2. #2
    Odan MuslimSoljah's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Assalamu Alaykum

    Your friend and youi can marry him if not then ask your mum to take you to potentials and see which one you like.

  3. #3
    ʚϊɞ ᎵᎡᎥᏁᏟᎬᎴᎴ ʚϊɞ Umm_Adam_'s Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....



    Im Sorry Buh This Why You Shouldnt Have Male Friends You Learn From This, All I Can If There Is Nothing There For You Meaning Marriage Then Your Only Gonna Get Hurt Even More And It Will Last Longer Meaning You Wont Be Able To Get Over It Quicker. Pray To Allah And Focus On Islam And The Pain Will Ease
    And He found you lost and guided you,
    ~ Qur'an (Ad Duhaa) 93:7 ~

    Salaah Reminders

    Guide us to the straight.
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  4. #4
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    what exactly do you 'love' about him?

    "because I feel like they both have a tendency to be superficial, materialistic, argumentative and aggressive"

    yeh err he sounds awesome
    Jo kaam karta hai tu chup ke jahaan se
    koi dekhta hai tujhe aasmaan se

  5. #5
    Muslim abdulwakil's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    You do understand what your doing is haram?

    Fear Allah, and both you and your friend need to stop hanging around with him.
    Last edited by abdulwakil; 06-06-10 at 03:53 PM.
    Worship Allah alone

    "....Verily, Allaah guides not those people who are the Zalimun."
    [EMQ 5:51]

  6. #6
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Salam alaykum,
    Is your friend a Muslim? If so, why would she put herself in the position to give someone "the wrong idea" also you described her as flirtatious and glamorous...She doesnt sound like a very good Muslim and neither does the guy you like. And sorry if you think I'm being rude, but good Muslim women dont have men for close friends unless he's already her husband. I know you think you love him (maybe you do) but most likely it's the shaytan whispering in your ear. My advice to you is ask for Allah's guidance and forgiveness and move on, Inshallah you will find someone who will love you and make you happy.

  7. #7
    Shoo y3ni?! Islam.07's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Why would you want to marry someone who you know talks to other girls or indeed in love with them? Look how he's making you feel now? Like you want to die?

    Sis forget about him, he's not worth it, let him go and marry your best mate and see how he turns out.

    Put your trust in Allah SWT and see what he gives you in return.

    I pray you find a man, who will value you for who are you are and inshallah make you grow in your deen.
    Ameen.

  8. #8
    1 purpose, 1 path, 1 goal Jilbabi's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Waalaikumasalaam Warahmatullah.

    Sis, I dont have any better advice than to tell you to stay away from this guy and focus on your deen. What you said, that its things this guy has said to you which have made you fall for him, thats shaytans work. Manipulating the situation maybe.

    Also how can it be love if he dont love you back? Love isnt one sided and so convince yourself that this isnt what you think it is, shaytaan has just hyped this all up making you feel miserable at the end of it.

    Muslimsouljahs right, if you feel your at that point where you want to get married then inshaAllah take the halaal route, only then you will be successfull.

    InshaAllah don't make this hard for yourself, free yourself from this guy because like you said he likes your other friend... you can never convince/try to make a guy like you so your better off without him.

    May Allah help you to come closer to his deen and ease your sadness xx
    "Do they not see the birds above them, spreading out their wings and folding them in? None upholds them except the Most Gracious. Verily, He is the All-Seer of everything" ..Surah Mulk..

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    Member *SUMMER*'s Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....



    First of all man and women can not be friend in islam, and loving someone who u know not loving u back and loving ur friend thats too confusing. Just guick Q dos ur friend know that u like this guy? and second is he worth of all drama with may happen between u and ur friend?
    When u attack Black people, they call it racism. When u attack Jewish people, they call it ANTI-SEMETISM. When u attack women, they call it SEXISM. When u attack homosexuality, they call it INTORELANCE When u attack ur Country, they call it TREASON When u attack a religious, they call it HATE But when u attack the Prophet (P.B.U.H) they call it FREEDOM OF SPEECH #SHAME!

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    how do people fall into so much weirdness.....

  11. #11
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Quote Originally Posted by res novae View Post
    how do people fall into so much weirdness.....
    they desire that which they cannot have.
    glass half empty

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Walaikum assalaam wa rahmatullah,

    Sorry if this comes across as blunt, but I'm only saying this to spare you any future heartache:

    This sort of thing is exactly why Islam doesn't allow the free-mixing of the genders. Even western (i.e. non-Muslim) research backs up the claim that it is near impossible for men and women to have platonic "best friend" type friendships/relationships.

    If I were you I would ask Allah's forgiveness and ask for Him to take any thoughts/feelings you have for this guy out of your mind/heart and then I would refrain from having any more casual friendships with non-mahram brothers.

    If you feel you are ready to get married, then like others have suggested speak to your parents about getting this to happen.

    May Allah make it easy for you and give you the tawfeeq to learn from this mistake, aameen.
    ربنا واجعلنا مسلمين لك ومن ذريتنا أمة مسلمة لك وأرنا مناسكنا وتب علينا إنك أنت التواب الرحيم

    Our Lord, make us Muslims submitted to You, and our descendants a Muslim community submitted to You. Show us our rites of worship and turn towards us. You are the Ever-Returning, the Most Merciful. [2: 128]

    http://livingthemuslimlife.wordpress.com/

  13. #13
    الحمد لله‎
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    your situation [ if it infact is true] reminds me of a poem by heinrich heine, a young man loves a maiden..
    "We have a a history to be proud of and a future to believe in.."

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    Stop eating my Chicken!!! LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Narrated Abu Sa'id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that." Bukhari

    Be patient with Allah in your time of sorrow.
    We pray that you find someone so much better than him, ameen.
    Remember, You could want something SO bad but Allah knows its not good for you, Allah is capable of all, he can find you someone suitable.
    Your only 21, you got so much ahead of you.
    WhenTheWorldPushesYouToYourKnees-
    You'reInThePerfectPositionToPray (Islam.07)


    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, beware of this shirk, for it is more subtle than the footsteps of an ant. The one whom Allaah willed should speak said to him, “How can we beware of it when it is more subtle than the footsteps of an ant, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Say, Allaahumma innaa na’oodhu bika min an nushrika bika shay’an na’lamuhu wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na’lam (O Allaah, we seek refuge with You from knowingly associating anything with You, and we seek Your forgiveness for that which we do unknowingly).” (Narrated by Ahmad, 4/403)


    “My intercession will be for those among my ummah who have committed major sins.” [Classed as Sahih by al-Albaani in Sahih Abi Dawood, 3965]

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    doctorsworldwide.org Nawar's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Ditch them both like a bad habit, and get some better friends who will enjoin you to good and Islam.
    so be patient, with a beautiful patience [70:5]

  16. #16

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldinFalling View Post
    السلام عليكم

    Hi everyone,

    okay first of all, I'm not a typical teen and all that. I'm 21 this year.

    I recently unintentionally 'fell in love' with this guy who's like my best friend right now, but the problem is - he's definitely in love with my best friend - who's like a sis to me (and she, btw, is not in love with him but shes always giving him the wrong idea - probably on purpose).

    Ive never felt this way about someone. never have I dated and done anything of that kind (alhamdollillah). I am shy, especially with men.

    We are both opposites. I'm an Introvert, And hes an Extrovert. he sees me as this very eccentric person and my friend as perfect (he said that literally).

    Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. My heart aches so bad. Its enough I have so many issues with myself, people around me and my life. Every time I think about him being attracted to her and not me, I feel so worthless. Ive never had any man felt that way about me, where as she has. I care more about him more than she does, and he doesn't seem to care about me.

    I don't know what to say anymore. I never express my feelings and thoughts to anyone. This is the first time. I feel so depressed, so angry. I know this might sound a bit naive and crazy, but I often fantasize about us being married, and when I over analyze everything and realize that is just impossible on so many levels, I just feel like dropping dead.

    Its so hard for me to 'fall in love'. And I know this might sound...I don't know the word, but anyway, I think that I am a better match for him than my Friend. Lol. Okay that sounds ridiculous, so I'm not going to continue on that, but I still mean it for so many good reasons. I just think as a Muslim we would make a great married couple.

    Please help me...I know only god can, but still I need people right now...I have no one... I'm lonely and depressed...

    sometimes, I just try to focus my mind on other things, forget about him, hate him, or convince myself there will be someone else except the feelings will be mutual, and etc.
    sometimes, I just try to think of him as an immature, naive idiot who just likes my friend because shes flirtatious, more attractive and glamorous. And sometimes I wish they would marry each other just to suffer. LOL. because I feel like they both have a tendency to be superficial, materialistic, argumentative and aggressive. and he loves her, but she doesn't so the marriage will go boom. and etc. astaghfirallah.
    I know I shouldn't be thinking that way, and its weird, but I'm human. and angry. and sad.

    Ok done...

    and Btw, sometimes he gives me the wrong idea as well by some things he does and says...thats how I started to have feelings for him.
    Dating is having a relationship. To get to know someone you had a relationship which many people categorise as "Friendship"
    Males often know how to press the right buttons and tune into a women's emotions these type of people are more commonly known as "Players."
    The idea of love is often interpreted differently, but love is more to do with actions where you respected, well looked after, honoured, and treated with kindness. i.e love is more action than the chemical attraction/infatuation.

    Hope it works out for you.
    Slaam
    Last edited by islam4u2; 06-06-10 at 05:18 PM.

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    Senior Member islam2009's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Who abandons something for Allah's sake, God rewards him what's better than it.

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    edit
    Last edited by hayatto; 11-03-12 at 10:30 PM.
    أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

  19. #19
    A rose, Poetry and Prose zammy's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Sounds like you're stuck in a love triangle. Also, you described him as someone with unattractive characteristics but you still love him. I think you just feel that way because like you said, he kinda gave you the wrong idea. Any guy who you're friends with is bound to give you the wrong idea because, well, that's what guys do. That's why you don't befriend boys. Stuff like this happens.
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  20. #20
    .dum.vita.est.spes.est. Pippin1376's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Um, I don't think you're in love with him, to be honest. Just infatuated. You have a crush on him and want him more, because he likes your friend. If you truly loved him, then you would advise him to either speak to the wali of your friend or tell him to speak with your wali. You would also remind him about Allah and if he loves your friend (I don't think he does) then you would feel bad, but not to the point where you are hoping that they marry each other and the marriage fails. :S Doesn't the saying go, if you love someone you want them to be happy? If he would be happy with your friend, then if you truly love him tell him to marry her. If he gives you signals, then the brother doesn't know what he wants or is only dropping hints to you, because he knows that you like him and your friend doesn't like him.

    Sis, infatuation does this to people, just stay away from him and you'll find yourself not caring about him as much anymore.

    If that doesn't work, then there is always polygamy. Both of yous can marry him and be a happy family.
    "...And never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."

    Surah Yusuf
    [12:87]

    .:.


    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you


  21. #21
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Assalam Alaikum WR WB,

    I would suggest that you pray to Allah (SWT) to help you out of this situation in the best way possible. Furthermore, in the meanwhile, avoid this guy like the plague, you want him to love you, but he loves your friend; therefore, there's no reason to trouble your heart further by being around him.

    Wasalam.
    Salam!

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Quote Originally Posted by zammy View Post
    Sounds like you're stuck in a love triangle. Also, you described him as someone with unattractive characteristics but you still love him. I think you just feel that way because like you said, he kinda gave you the wrong idea. Any guy who you're friends with is bound to give you the wrong idea because, well, that's what guys do. That's why you don't befriend boys. Stuff like this happens.
    Precisely! It is likely that you are more in love with the idea of being in love than love itself and with him. Time is a great healer, distance yourself from the two and you will wake up one day and look back at this whole situation and laugh.

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    For all your Graphic need BARAA IBN MALIK's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Quote Originally Posted by *SUMMER* View Post


    First of all man and women can not be friend in islam
    I got to ask who said having a friend of the opposite sex is haram.
    as long as you dont cross any borders and you dont put your self in a situation which shaitan can make use of.
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    Odan ImperfectBeauty's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Love happens once, the rest is just life

    And seriously, if he doesnt love you bak then get over him, hes probably not worth it anyway so marry someone better My advice is to get over him and tell ur parents to start sorting the marriage out

  25. #25
    Suta la Suta! Ukhti S.'s Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful


    As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Akhi!

    Quote Originally Posted by BARAA IBN MALIK View Post
    I got to ask who said having a friend of the opposite sex is haram.
    as long as you dont cross any borders and you dont put your self in a situation which shaitan can make use of.
    Akhi, females and males mixing can result in bad consequences. Having a good time, laughing and making jokes with one another is not acceptable nor will it do any good, it will lead to the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing. it is purer and more chaste for both men and women to lower their gaze when speaking to those of the opposite gender.

    May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) protect us from the shaytan's whispers, Ameen!

    Take Care and Stay Blessed!
    Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
    Ukhti S.

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    For all your Graphic need BARAA IBN MALIK's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Quote Originally Posted by Ukhti S. View Post
    Bismillahi Ar Rahmani Ar Rahim - In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful


    As Salamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu Akhi!




    Akhi, females and males mixing can result in bad consequences. Having a good time, laughing and making jokes with one another is not acceptable nor will it do any good, it will lead to the arousing of desires, and the committing of indecency and wrongdoing. it is purer and more chaste for both men and women to lower their gaze when speaking to those of the opposite gender.

    May Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'alaa) protect us from the shaytan's whispers, Ameen!

    Take Care and Stay Blessed!
    Wa Alaykumusalam Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,
    Ukhti S.
    I agree with you, but what i was concerned about is when as muslims we say things are haram or halal meaning either its in the quran or in the sunnah when its only our own opinion.
    And when someone mentions friend it doesn't have to do with mingling i'm sure their are brother and sisters on this site that consider themselves somewhat as friends, but all in all safest is the bestest : )
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    The Sisters are on form today, giving unusual excellent advise

  28. #28
    Ding Dong Witch IS Back! Kubs's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    LOL @ the pessimism
    Give me a clear vision, that I may know where to stand and what to stand for - because unless I stand for something, I will fall for anything.

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    This Love is based upon Haram. It is a disease in your heart, and shows your void within it. Repent to Allah and learn why Islam has made these things haram upon us. Your not in love. Your dont have a clue what love is. For love is based upon what Allah loves, and how can one love something which originates from Haram. Your confused and extremely deluded. Shaytaan has entered your heart.

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    i agree with aG123, you dont know what love it, what your describing is a crush based on lust, harram and lack of rationality
    if you were to marry this guy you would be sick of him within a month because all them stories in your head aren't real,
    Insha ALLAH just remember your not inferior to him or your friend because they flirt etc. ALLAH swt created you all from a drop of discharge and what really matter is how you stand with your Lord, so she might be better looking than you or whatever but its not like she made her own looks - its a test from ALLAH swt,
    If anything they're immodest, lewd etc and anyone with a bit of sense wouldnt be slightly interested in them because they would realise that looks are a thing that fade, being superficial and shallow are lowly qaulities and the main thing that matters is internal characteristics like modesty etc
    btw if i didnt make sense with my sentences, its becuase its late

  31. #31

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    What i said, goes to the deluded brother also. As for the sister leading him on, then let her know she could be held accountable for the sin of increasing him his haram over her. As she is the cause for his haram. Its probably the only reason he talks to you, is to get to her as well. How shaytaan can delude people. The saddest thing is, all these emotions are so fake that in 2 eyars time, after never seeing or speaking to the person, you will forget about them. the only time they will return is when shaytaan finds a void in your heart from Allah and thus replaces the desire to love something with a person rather Allah as it should be.

    I feel sorry for you. That shaytaan has lead you to love someone who increases your possible time in jahanam. how deluded we become.

  32. #32

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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Quote Originally Posted by Kubs View Post
    LOL @ the pessimism
    Ok then mujhadia was on form for that excellent reply to Resnova's question.

    She as they say "Hit the Nail on the Head"

    Her repy actually has lots of wisdom.


  33. #33
    Ding Dong Witch IS Back! Kubs's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Quote Originally Posted by islam4u2 View Post
    Ok then mujhadia was on form for that excellent reply to Resnova's question.

    She as they say "Hit the Nail on the Head"

    Her repy actually has lots of wisdom.

    True. I guess, most that she can do now is stop speaking to him permanently. Also, why would you put yourself through something like this? He doesn't seem like a decent person considering the way you described him - 'superficial, materialistic, argumentative, aggressive.' What's there to love?
    Give me a clear vision, that I may know where to stand and what to stand for - because unless I stand for something, I will fall for anything.

  34. #34
    YDoUwant2KnoIfImHappy/Not GuCcI's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    You're only 21. What you think of him now isnt wat u'll be thinking of him when ur older and more matured and realize that superficial and aggressive traits dont make a man attractive.

    you're blinded by 'love' or 'infatuation' .. i dono the difference but whatever it is, its stopping you from seeing reality and that someone who doesnt want to marry you really isnt worth your time and energy.
    Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

  35. #35
    .Nala. Sirius's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Ask yourself, would he take a second look at you if you were him and he were you.
    Flip the coin and ask yourself.
    Be honest with yourself and ask Allah for assistance.

  36. 08-06-10, 10:50 PM

    Reason
    Med: Really not as funny as you think you are

  37. 08-06-10, 11:17 PM

    Reason
    Med: Really not as funny as you think you are

  38. 09-06-10, 12:13 AM

    YDoUwant2KnoIfImHappy/Not

    Reason
    Med: Really not as funny as you think you are

  39. 09-06-10, 12:16 AM

    Reason
    Med: Really not as funny as you think you are

  40. #36
    ..!~ Toad Sage ~!.. Jiraiya's Avatar
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    I'm no doctor but im pretty sure you are not dieing. not trying to be ride here but, how will he show his love to yôu if you marry if he does not show it now?

    Also how is life today?

  41. #37
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    Re: I'm in love with him, but he loves with someone else. I feel like I'm dieing....

    Your in lust not love

    Focus on other things in your life


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