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  1. #1
    Left eternal journey's Avatar
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    Exclamation DOs and DON'Ts with family...



    One of the harder things about becoming Muslim/starting to practice the deen if already Muslim is probably dealing with non-Muslim/less practicing family.

    So I thought perhaps we could share our experiences to help one another, in the form of DOs and DON'Ts regarding family. Sometimes in the early days (whether revert or newly practicing) we can get a little blinded by our zeal and when we approach our family with this zeal in the wrong way, it can create problems which could perhaps be avoided with a bit more tact. So insha'Allah this thread will contain advice that could help.

    I'll start off with some from my own experiences. Bit of context regarding me: alhamdulillah I prayed, fasted etc from an early age, but I really started getting into the deen while I was at uni and the catalyst for me getting more practicing was starting to wear hijaab; once I finally managed to do that at 19 other things followed, alhamdulillah. But I was guilty of at first trying to force what I was doing on my family too and sometimes I lacked hikmah in how I responded to their opposition to changes in me. Alhamdulillah Allah had a better plan and it all came good in the end!

    DON'Ts

    • Try not to make things a shock- drop hints gently where you can, to prepare family for what's coming


    • Avoid getting into 'I'm right, you're wrong' type heated discussions/arguments, especially avoid coming across as condemning everything they do- can backfire


    • Don't try to force what you're doing on everyone else- they have to do it for the sake of Allah not you! (this one can be particularly hard)


    • Don't isolate yourself from your family- how can you have a good influence on them if you do that?


    • Don't try to win too many arguments/win over too many people at once, getting the first person onside can sometimes be the key step (my siblings were amazing re: helping me with my parents' reaction to some things alhamdulillah)

    DOs

    • Prepare them in advance via hints- subtle if you have to, explicit if family is more open- minded


    • Try to explain why you are doing what you are doing (e.g. re: covering, explain the commandments/rulings about it in Islam), rather than simply taking the line of 'because it's right'


    • Be consistent (oh so important!!) to avoid giving out mixed messages and undermining yourself


    • Reassure family that you're still the same person and you still respect/love them- show them how you're the same but better through your Islam/practice inshaAllah!


    • Lead by example- have the best adaab/akhlaaq even if they don't, even when they're being out- and- out hostile


    • Make dua to Allah for your family- hidayah is not in your hands but His. Other actions without dua are seriously flawed


    I know all that is not necessarily easy or straight forward, but inshaAllah the more difficult it is, the more reward there is from Allah!

    Insha'Allah I hope they are of some benefit. Please share anything you think might be beneficial. It's fine to just give one tip re: a DO or a DON'T in your post. If you have more than one, khayr inshaAllah.

    Last edited by eternal journey; 05-05-10 at 09:15 PM.
    ربنا واجعلنا مسلمين لك ومن ذريتنا أمة مسلمة لك وأرنا مناسكنا وتب علينا إنك أنت التواب الرحيم

    Our Lord, make us Muslims submitted to You, and our descendants a Muslim community submitted to You. Show us our rites of worship and turn towards us. You are the Ever-Returning, the Most Merciful. [2: 128]

    http://livingthemuslimlife.wordpress.com/

  2. #2
    There is none like Him. Muslimah81's Avatar
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    Re: DOs and DON'Ts with family...

    Mashallah...excellent ideas!

    DO: Bring about small, gradual changes. Let your family know that you are learning about Islam (it softens the blow if they can expect it). Demonstrate Islam through your actions. Answer questions when asked rather than lecture.

    DON'T: Try to do everything at once (you'll be overwhelmed, and so will they). Preach the hellfire! (Yes it exists but if you terrify them they could start giving you a wide berth!) Run off to get married after the first proposal you receive!

  3. #3
    Left eternal journey's Avatar
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    Re: DOs and DON'Ts with family...

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslimah81 View Post
    Answer questions when asked rather than lecture.
    So true subhanallah!


    Quote Originally Posted by Muslimah81 View Post
    Run off to get married after the first proposal you receive!
    ربنا واجعلنا مسلمين لك ومن ذريتنا أمة مسلمة لك وأرنا مناسكنا وتب علينا إنك أنت التواب الرحيم

    Our Lord, make us Muslims submitted to You, and our descendants a Muslim community submitted to You. Show us our rites of worship and turn towards us. You are the Ever-Returning, the Most Merciful. [2: 128]

    http://livingthemuslimlife.wordpress.com/

  4. #4
    شهيد إن شاء الله
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    Re: DOs and DON'Ts with family...

    do:be firm about the deen. doing one thing then doing another will only confuse your family

    dont: argue at all. just practice the deen, and make your point. if they persist, then let it go.

  5. #5
    الإسلام هو الحياة sis_on_sunnah's Avatar
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    Re: DOs and DON'Ts with family...

    assalamu alaykum,

    jazakAllahu khayr for the beneficial thread sister,
    http://www.deenulhuq.wordpress.com

    Don't depend on anyone too much in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness ~ibn taymiyyah

  6. #6
    Left eternal journey's Avatar
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    Re: DOs and DON'Ts with family...

    Quote Originally Posted by sis_on_sunnah View Post
    assalamu alaykum,

    jazakAllahu khayr for the beneficial thread sister,
    Wa iyyaki ukhti . Please add any tips from your own experiences if you have any inshaAllah .


    *** 14 days and counting left to write to sister Aafia ***
    ربنا واجعلنا مسلمين لك ومن ذريتنا أمة مسلمة لك وأرنا مناسكنا وتب علينا إنك أنت التواب الرحيم

    Our Lord, make us Muslims submitted to You, and our descendants a Muslim community submitted to You. Show us our rites of worship and turn towards us. You are the Ever-Returning, the Most Merciful. [2: 128]

    http://livingthemuslimlife.wordpress.com/

  7. #7
    Odan .khayriyyah.'s Avatar
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    Re: DOs and DON'Ts with family...

    bump

  8. #8
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    Re: DOs and DON'Ts with family...

    I think one of the best pieces of advice given to me on this forum was not to get into arguments with parents and family and try everything possible to be even nicer and be a better daughter and sister.

 

 

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