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  1. #1
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    Icon9 I dont think my husband loves me

    There is really no love in our marriage and it is only a month old.
    i say he dosent love me because there is no intimacy there, he does not hold my hand or me, we do not kiss, he doesnt not let me touch him, he dosent compliment when i make my self pretty for him, nor does he blink an eye when i say i love him. I work all day and when i come home i just need a hug. He does not even do that. Once i told him he should hug me everyday because each day is not promised and we shouldnt live our live with regret saying when he/she was here i wish i would have...
    Unfortunately im not happy with the decision i have made and i can only think that if it has started this way then surly we will not last. I cry atleast twice a week be cause of what i am missing. I cried today for most of my lunch thinkin of the way we were when we first got married but i guess the thrill is gone.
    Am i the only one who has experienced this?

    Someone please help.

  2. #2
    Spending the days indoors LailaTheMuslim's Avatar
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    its only a month! i presume you did not know him before? Its hard to snap into love when you didn't know the person beforehand.

    Make Du'a, thats the greatest solution.
    WhenTheWorldPushesYouToYourKnees-
    You'reInThePerfectPositionToPray (Islam.07)


    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, beware of this shirk, for it is more subtle than the footsteps of an ant. The one whom Allaah willed should speak said to him, “How can we beware of it when it is more subtle than the footsteps of an ant, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “Say, Allaahumma innaa na’oodhu bika min an nushrika bika shay’an na’lamuhu wa nastaghfiruka limaa laa na’lam (O Allaah, we seek refuge with You from knowingly associating anything with You, and we seek Your forgiveness for that which we do unknowingly).” (Narrated by Ahmad, 4/403)


    “My intercession will be for those among my ummah who have committed major sins.” [Classed as Sahih by al-Albaani in Sahih Abi Dawood, 3965]

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    No we have known each other for 3yrs and have expressed our feelings outwardly before. that is not the case.

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    salaam sis
    wouldn;t say the thrill has come to an end..
    like u mentioned it has only been a month into your marriage..
    im not too sure what to say really.. but make lots of dua and speak to him about how u r feeling..
    maybe once u open up to him it might make things better..

    i shall pray for u sis..

    try not to think negative.. think positive.. there is always someone out there in the world who is in a worse situation than u are sis.. i know of someone who has been married for nearly 6years and she hasnt been very close with her husband.. i have never seen them together.. and the community love to gossip words gets out.. but she stil hasnt left him.. she is stil trying to make an effort.. everytime i have seen or spoken to her she has such a big smile on her face and is always happy..

    inshAllah it will work out for you sis.. jus make lots of dua's..
    Narrated Abu Musa: Some people asked Allah's Apostle, "Whose Islam is the best? i.e. (Who is a very good Muslim)?" He replied, "One who avoids harming the Muslims with his tongue and hands." (Book #2, Hadith #10)

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Khamilah View Post
    No we have known each other for 3yrs and have expressed our feelings outwardly before. that is not the case.
    somethin maybe bothering him?

  6. #6
    A rose, Poetry and Prose zammy's Avatar
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Think to yourself what was there a few weeks ago but isn't there now and what caused it? You said the beginning was good..and it's only been a month. So it can't be too late to get it back to how it used to be. May Allah make your husband more affectionate towards you.. I guess some men are just like that and you gotta work a little harder to get them to open up? I don't think it's because he doesn't love you. Some ppl just express a bit different.
    May we reach daruSalaam by His, and only His Decree
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by sunni_ninja View Post
    salaam sis
    wouldn;t say the thrill has come to an end..
    like u mentioned it has only been a month into your marriage..
    im not too sure what to say really..

    but make lots of dua

    and speak to him about how u r feeling..



    maybe once u open up to him it might make things better..


    i shall pray for u sis..


    try not to think negative.. think positive.. there is always someone out there in the world who is in a worse situation than u are sis.. i know of someone who has been married for nearly 6years and she hasnt been very close with her husband.. i have never seen them together.. and the community love to gossip words gets out.. but she stil hasnt left him.. she is stil trying to make an effort.. everytime i have seen or spoken to her she has such a big smile on her face and is always happy..

    inshAllah it will work out for you sis.. jus make lots of dua's..

    but make lots of dua
    I make dua every salah and after Isha

    and speak to him about how u r feeling..

    when i tell him he just laughs makes a joke about it and moves on theres no change.




    i shall pray for u sis..
    thank you please keep me in your dua

  8. #8
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Asalam alaikum Sis,
    I remember how excited you were to get married! Mashallah!
    Pray and make dua, and inshallah things will improve.
    Inshallah your hubby really loves you and talking to him gently and letting him know your feelings, maybe he is not sure how to be exactly being a new hubby.
    Marriage has so many ups and Downs, and keeping communication open is key.
    may Allah swt bless and strengthen your marriage always

  9. #9
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    show your concern for his feelings to open lines of communication so he can tell you whats bothering him.
    Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Khamilah View Post
    There is really no love in our marriage and it is only a month old.
    i say he dosent love me because there is no intimacy there, he does not hold my hand or me, we do not kiss, he doesnt not let me touch him, he dosent compliment when i make my self pretty for him, nor does he blink an eye when i say i love him. I work all day and when i come home i just need a hug. He does not even do that. Once i told him he should hug me everyday because each day is not promised and we shouldnt live our live with regret saying when he/she was here i wish i would have...
    Unfortunately im not happy with the decision i have made and i can only think that if it has started this way then surly we will not last. I cry atleast twice a week be cause of what i am missing. I cried today for most of my lunch thinkin of the way we were when we first got married but i guess the thrill is gone.
    Am i the only one who has experienced this?

    Someone please help.
    Sister,

    You should realise that everyone's expression of Love is different and there is no one size fits all method. You need to address the issue on two fronts:

    a) Continue to communicate and open up to him and make him understand that you would like for him to act in a certain manner

    b) Realise that maybe his showing his Care towards you in a different manner

    Moreover, there may be another factor which may be on his mind and which may be bugging him so continue to communicate and let him open up to you and actually state what the problem is.
    In order to solve a problem, you need to know the problem so investigate and find out.

    And above all make dua instead of crying. Crying doesn’t help but making dua does.

  11. #11
    www.freebabarahmad.com Nazias's Avatar
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Like others said it has only been a month, give it some time and maybe don't push it (i.e. keep talking about it) and allow for things to improve and develop naturally and if that doesn't work then discuss it further. Insha'allah after hardship will come ease for you.
    “The real prisoner is someone whose heart is imprisoned from his Lord; the true captive is someone captured by his passions.” (Ibn Taymiyyah)
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  12. #12
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Khamilah View Post
    There is really no love in our marriage and it is only a month old.
    i say he dosent love me because there is no intimacy there, he does not hold my hand or me, we do not kiss, he doesnt not let me touch him, he dosent compliment when i make my self pretty for him, nor does he blink an eye when i say i love him. I work all day and when i come home i just need a hug. He does not even do that. Once i told him he should hug me everyday because each day is not promised and we shouldnt live our live with regret saying when he/she was here i wish i would have...
    Unfortunately im not happy with the decision i have made and i can only think that if it has started this way then surly we will not last. I cry atleast twice a week be cause of what i am missing. I cried today for most of my lunch thinkin of the way we were when we first got married but i guess the thrill is gone.
    Am i the only one who has experienced this?

    Someone please help.
    It seems to me that you are missing the emotional (sexual) intimacy with him....

    Either he is too shy or too ignorant about the importance of this kind of intimacy between couples..Sometimes it can be a deal breaker...*actually most of the times to be logical*...something he doesn't realize yet.....

    when you say you work ALL day..? this could be a problem too..cuz he might getting himself used to the fact that you don't have time for him....I don't wanna scare you away since the marriage is 1 month old but you gotta figure out what is his problem? Is he too shy..if so then DO NOT talk to him about it… you comfort his feelings till he is ready to express his feelings with a complete confidence….
    If he is an ignorant who has no backgrounds about the importance of emotional intimacy between the couple…then you HAVE TO talk to him about it…you could send him some links from the net….you can buy him some books on these topics as birthday present, or Eid present..etc what you need to consider here is to not hurt his feelings as he might understand that you are calling him *stupid* for not knowing these kind of things….

    The third case *which is a bit shaky* and which I think is the problem…. That this guy thinks that going too soft or going into that road could affect his status as a good Muslim… in this case you need also to talk to him but the discussion at the end needs to be estimated or judged by a scholar *as he will prove you right* and the good hubby will be convinced that this is something right to do…

    Last but not least… this issue has NOTHING to do with whether he loves you or not? DO NOT go down that road or you will have LOADS of troubles… if he didn’t love you he wouldn't accept marrying you from the first place…and if you didn’t find him the right one…you wouldn't accept him too….
    These sort of problems are always happening between couples, and the only way to get them sorted out is by the wisdom of either the wife or the husband..*depends on the situation*…


    I hope that helps…

    Peace…

  13. #13
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Salam alaikum sis
    give it some time...it's only been a month! maybe it's just taking him that bit longer to settle into married life, just keep making dua that the affection starts to appear.
    sis, i can undertand that this is upsetting you but to be blunt...there are worse things that could happen in a marriage. if he is treating you well and things are fine otherwise then just hang in there and perservere for now.

  14. #14
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Sister, you mentioned that you work. Does he work as well or are you the sole bread-winner? If that is the case then he may be feeling inadequate, unable to fulfil his role as a man and a husband and thus manifesting itself as no desire for intimacy.

    If that isn't the case then, well, ignore me.
    What can my enemies possibly do to me? My paradise is in my heart; wherever I go it goes with me, inseparable from me. For me, prison is a place of retreat; execution is my opportunity for martyrdom; and exile from my town is but a chance to travel - Ibn Taymiyyah

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Khamilah View Post
    No we have known each other for 3yrs and have expressed our feelings outwardly before. that is not the case.
    you say you knew one another for 3years prior to marriage, in what capacity did you know one another before you got married? because if it was in a forbidden manner (boyfriend/girlfriend) then you should both repent for this, as this could be one of the reasons why things are not good currently, as you started your relationship by inciting Allah's anger, instead of his blessings.

    If the above was not the case, then forgive me for asking and i would advise that you go somewhere neutral (not your marital home) like a park or somewhere to eat and discuss your ongoing problems, if this does not work, then maybe try getting a 3rd party involved(whom you both agree too) and get them to mediate? May Allah swt bring love between you both ameen
    For The Non-Muslims:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlMBkJme8J4The ProphetSAW sed, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim.Islam- Why Pay For The Disease,When The Cure Is Free

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Force yourself on him. Wildly.

  17. #17
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by AbdulSalam View Post
    Force yourself on him. Wildly.
    Somehow i don't see this working

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by nousername View Post
    Somehow i don't see this working
    Yes it will. If he has testoterone , he will go into a wild frenzy, and there will be a big chemical reaction.

  19. #19
    A rose, Poetry and Prose zammy's Avatar
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    woah there tiger. too much info :S
    May we reach daruSalaam by His, and only His Decree
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by AbdulSalam View Post
    Force yourself on him. Wildly.
    Typical........if you notice, the sister is looking for a permanent solution, not a temporary one.
    For The Non-Muslims:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlMBkJme8J4The ProphetSAW sed, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim.Islam- Why Pay For The Disease,When The Cure Is Free

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    How can you know each other for 3 years and then be only married for a month

    Anyway just have some sabr, he will come around inshallah.

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by AbdulSalam View Post
    Yes it will. If he has testoterone , he will go into a wild frenzy, and there will be a big chemical reaction.
    I would be shocked that you're actually saying these things but it's too funny

  23. #23
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by islam4u2 View Post
    How can you know each other for 3 years and then be only married for a month

    Anyway just have some sabr, he will come around inshallah.
    Let's not assume the bad about the sister op, she probably knew the brother, but they've only now become serious. You can know many people for over three years in a halal manner and be married with nothing happening in between. I mean, I've known zammy for like three years and it's been halal. Alhamdulillah.
    "...And never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."
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  24. #24
    A rose, Poetry and Prose zammy's Avatar
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Pippin1376 View Post
    Let's not assume the bad about the sister op, she probably knew the brother, but they've only now become serious. You can know many people for over three years in a halal manner and be married with nothing happening in between. I mean, I've known zammy for like three years and it's been halal. Alhamdulillah.
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    yeah cuz u 2 are soo mashallah
    Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

  26. #26
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Khamilah View Post
    There is really no love in our marriage and it is only a month old.
    i say he dosent love me because there is no intimacy there, he does not hold my hand or me, we do not kiss, he doesnt not let me touch him, he dosent compliment when i make my self pretty for him, nor does he blink an eye when i say i love him. I work all day and when i come home i just need a hug. He does not even do that. Once i told him he should hug me everyday because each day is not promised and we shouldnt live our live with regret saying when he/she was here i wish i would have...
    Unfortunately im not happy with the decision i have made and i can only think that if it has started this way then surly we will not last. I cry atleast twice a week be cause of what i am missing. I cried today for most of my lunch thinkin of the way we were when we first got married but i guess the thrill is gone.
    Am i the only one who has experienced this?

    Someone please help.
    Join the club because I am feeling the same way. and i know how much it hurts not have love in your life. So no you aren't the only women who is feeling like this.

  27. #27
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by aiesha_kiwi View Post
    Join the club because I am feeling the same way. and i know how much it hurts not have love in your life. So no you aren't the only women who is feeling like this.
    what the hell is wrong with you today?
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

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  28. #28
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by samin62 View Post
    what the hell is wrong with you today?
    Yeah like you really care of want to know. I was just sympathising with the sister and telling her that she wasn't alone. You got a problem with that.. Tough

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by aiesha_kiwi View Post
    Yeah like you really care of want to know. I was just sympathising with the sister and telling her that she wasn't alone. You got a problem with that.. Tough
    .... your talking like someone who doesn't care anymore in every topic you posted in today... may be i do want to know, whats the problem?
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

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  30. #30
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by samin62 View Post
    .... your talking like someone who doesn't care anymore in every topic you posted in today... may be i do want to know, whats the problem?
    Sorry... I am in a real depression just now and I don't mean just feeling sad. I am praying but nothig is helping anymore. I am lost

  31. #31
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by aiesha_kiwi View Post
    Sorry... I am in a real depression just now and I don't mean just feeling sad. I am praying but nothig is helping anymore. I am lost
    did you post your problem in the forums?
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by samin62 View Post
    did you post your problem in the forums?
    do you have enemies/rivals that read this forum?

  33. #33
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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova Nebula View Post
    do you have enemies/rivals that read this forum?
    i am sorry.... what?
    "They are Shuhadaa (witnesses) to the fact that this Deen is greater than life, that values are more important than blood and that principles are more precious than souls" - Sheikh 'Abdullah Azzam

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by samin62 View Post
    i am sorry.... what?
    never mind

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Pippin1376 View Post
    Let's not assume the bad about the sister op, she probably knew the brother, but they've only now become serious. You can know many people for over three years in a halal manner and be married with nothing happening in between. I mean, I've known zammy for like three years and it's been halal. Alhamdulillah.
    Im not assuming any bad, but it should be noted if you know someone for 3 years or how many ever years then that is considered a relationship, regardless if you consider branding the relationship as halaal. During that period you get to communicate and know someone which should have been done during marriage hence there is no "spice" left.

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by islam4u2 View Post
    Im not assuming any bad, but it should be noted if you know someone for 3 years or how many ever years then that is considered a relationship, regardless if you consider branding the relationship as halaal. During that period you get to communicate and know someone which should have been done during marriage hence there is no "spice" left.
    I agree with the above user, because the sister stated the following: "No we have known each other for 3yrs and have expressed our feelings outwardly before.....", so i think our questions are valid, so we can advise her properly (see my first post in here as well).
    For The Non-Muslims:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlMBkJme8J4The ProphetSAW sed, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim.Islam- Why Pay For The Disease,When The Cure Is Free

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by islam4u2 View Post
    Im not assuming any bad, but it should be noted if you know someone for 3 years or how many ever years then that is considered a relationship, regardless if you consider branding the relationship as halaal. During that period you get to communicate and know someone which should have been done during marriage hence there is no "spice" left.
    The need for communication here doesn't mean, everyday communicating, chatting, phoning etc. But;

    Ahmad : I have seen your wali and expressed to them my intention to marry you
    Fatima : Ok, Alhamdulillah.

    That's enough for the girl to know, she's at peace and just need to wait for the big day to come. Some sisters DO NOT LIKE CLINGY MALES too and they don't expect to communicate with the dude everyday.

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by Supernova Nebula View Post
    The need for communication here doesn't mean, everyday communicating, chatting, phoning etc. But;

    Ahmad : I have seen your wali and expressed to them my intention to marry you
    Fatima : Ok, Alhamdulillah.

    That's enough for the girl to know, she's at peace and just need to wait for the big day to come. Some sisters DO NOT LIKE CLINGY MALES too and they don't expect to communicate with the dude everyday.


    If only we could all get marriage potentials like that

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Quote Originally Posted by aadil77 View Post


    If only we could all get marriage potentials like that
    take that in the case where both girl and boy have known each other prior to it.

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    Re: I dont think my husband loves me

    Asslamu Alaykum wa Rahmatuallahi wa Barakatuhu..
    May Allah make easy your suffering and bring love between you...ameen

    I was reading this...and I hope it helps:
    An anonymous sister shares her heartache at the stagnant state of her relationship – and her resolve to turn it around.

    As a wedding gift, we received a frame, in beautiful Arabic calligraphy, of the Quranic verse: “And from His signs is that He has created for you, from among yourselves, spouses, so that you may dwell in tranquility with them. And He has placed love and Mercy between your hearts. Therein are signs for those who reflect.” Those days, we reminded ourselves that the love we shared was a mercy from Allah, the Most Loving. We knew we were each other’s garments.

    Somehow, as we moved house several times, and our hearts also made several moves of their own, that frame found its way to a dusty basement, among boxes of memorabilia that no one has the heart to part with, amid boxes that we hope will one day be unpacked. Whereas once it stood proud, reminding us of our love, today, it is symbolic of all the dust that has set into our lives. Our marriage lies in two boxes. The first is memories of laughter and friendship; the second is a box that is should be attended to, but neither of us has the energy to expend on it.

    Where did the love go? When last were we able to take delight in each other’s company? When did intellectually stimulating conversation get replaced by terse discussions about the current sad state of affairs? When did the love notes get replaced by a folder – application for khula’ – a folder that I have not yet deleted, as the possibility lies in a question mark.

    “Love too is inherited” our Prophet taught. And even if, for no other reason but that our children will learn from our ability to love, it is essential that we preserve that love. We serve our husbands. They learn the lesson behind the service: is it executed with ihsaan, in the best possible way, or grudgingly when we feel we have no choice. They see it in our preparation of meals, in the smile with which we great our spouse. Do we relish their company, or look for an opportunity to escape?

    “Love, too is inherited” said our Prophet (SAW).
    (From the hadith "Love is inherited" in Al Adab Al Mufrad, a compilation on manners and etiquettes collected by Imam Bukhari)

    I look at my daughter, and wish for her a husband who will nurture her, accept her special whimsies, and see the warmth behind her seemingly hot temperament. I look at my son, and pray that he will find a partner who will stand by him through his trials, accept his weaknesses and his strengths, who will see his sincerity. From us, they will learn to love, to accept love, and to expect love.

    And so, I take stock of my ledger. In the black book in the recesses of my mind, every action of his is recorded and revisited. When the going gets rough, it is almost as if I remember every negative word or action, with relish, and take pleasure in my sorrows. Will I balance that with the times he has loved me when I was unlovable? With the gentleness he showed me when I was at my weakest? When I read of the Prophet (SAW)’s tenderness to his wives, will I look at him as failing to keep up with the prophetic example, or will I see that I was no Khadija to the trials and hardships that he faced?

    Love too is inherited. What legacy will I pass on?

    So, tonight, while my heart is still sore, and I fear his rejection, after all I have done and said, I will risk being vulnerable. And learn the secrets that come only to those who can risk being vulnerable.

    I will risk making the first moves to reconciliation.

    Because love, too, is inherited

    Fe'aman'illah


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