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  1. #1
    neglected
    Guests

    Spending time with your spouse

    While I use the term spouse, i'm leaning more specifically towards the amount of time the husband spends with his wife.
    Islamically, what are the rights of the wife in regards to the husband spending time with her?
    Also, how much time do men willingly want to give their wives every day, and then on the weekends?

    I myself feel rather neglected. My husband is very caring and loving and i definitely appreciate the fact that he is a practicing muslim. the only (main) thing I think is lacking in our relationship is the amount of time we spend together. I understand that speaking about this is a great way to solve the problem but its not that my husband doesnt realise he isnt spending enough time with me, he feels that spending too much time with me would make him less in the eyes of his family and friends
    his family perceive him as a man with strict principles and strong opinions. All man, and nothing else (no romance, no mush) While he does show his other side to me (in private) and hes very different, i cant help but feel hurt when he treats me indifferently infront of his family, like i dont mean anything to him, his tone of voice and attitude with me will change.

    however, that wasnt really the issue i wanted to raise, what i wanted to know that in my situation, is the time he's spending with me okay, and am i asking for too much?
    first off, during the week he spends his days at work and he usually comes home to eat. i give him his lunch and breakfast but he either eats elsewhere for dinner, or my sis inlaw gives it to him cause i work for a couple of hours in the evening.
    his evenings are spent with his friends until very late at night. we don;t go to sleep together or wakeup together.
    sometimes when he comes home at night he wakes me up (very gently) because he says he hasnt seen me during the day and he would liek to spend some time with me. this is usually only for approx an hour and then we both go to sleep.

    do you see my problem. for intimacy he will either come back early or wake me up, (sometimes i havnt gone to sleep yet tho). throughout the time he always treeats me properly and is very caring, please fdont get the wrong impresssion. its just that i feel like i come second to his friends even though he tells me im most important. if his friends call him at night and hes not with them and hes with me, he will go and come back to me later. (am usually asleep then so he just sleeps as well)

    thursday nights he will spend in a mosque, on fridays and weekend he usually comes very late. i normally get to see him at a respectable time on weekdays only.
    you have to understand because i am married with no children i get bored very easily. the people i have for compnay are too old and they have different mentalities to me (i hav been bron and bred in engladn)
    he doesnt have a prob with me occasionly (prob about evry month) going to my friends on weekends, but then there is the problem of transprt. he is never around and/or is with his friends and cant be bothered to drop me off and pick me up

    your verdict please and how do i tackle this problem.

  2. #2
    blahblahblah
    Guests

    Re: Spending time with your spouse

    salaam sis,
    sis i can relate to this as im going through the same thing as u (more or less), my husband does spend most of his time out n comes home around 10pm. Iv spoken to him NUMEROUS times n he always tells me the same thing, that he loves me n loves spending time with me, but things always go bk to how they were. hes a good husband n caring but i feel like he values his friends more jus by his actions. I dont expect him to spend all his time with me, alhamdullilah im quite independent n have many friends, but at least the weekend should b spent doing things together, whereas hell rather watch football n play it. I dont know what advice to give u sis, as my tactics have not worked! Keep talking to him cuz no two individuals r the same, so urs might actually change. Its putting strain on our relationship n im afraid that we might drigt apart if he carries on, Allahu Alam, only Allah SWT Knows the future so hang in there sis!

    Hope it helped.

  3. #3
    neglected
    Guests

    Re: Spending time with your spouse

    Quote Originally Posted by blahblahblah View Post
    salaam sis,
    sis i can relate to this as im going through the same thing as u (more or less), my husband does spend most of his time out n comes home around 10pm. Iv spoken to him NUMEROUS times n he always tells me the same thing, that he loves me n loves spending time with me, but things always go bk to how they were. hes a good husband n caring but i feel like he values his friends more jus by his actions. I dont expect him to spend all his time with me, alhamdullilah im quite independent n have many friends, but at least the weekend should b spent doing things together, whereas hell rather watch football n play it. I dont know what advice to give u sis, as my tactics have not worked! Keep talking to him cuz no two individuals r the same, so urs might actually change. Its putting strain on our relationship n im afraid that we might drigt apart if he carries on, Allahu Alam, only Allah SWT Knows the future so hang in there sis!

    Hope it helped.
    hmm, havent actually brought it up, am hoping he will slowly start spending time with me himself, since i want him to miss my company ...i feel as if telling him wont achieve anything; either he will a) nicely try and explain to me that its not going to work, b) tell me im right but wont do anything about it (most likely) or c) tell me im right and will do something about it.
    weekends with him for me is totally out of the question...that would break the tradition of spending it with his mates and we couldn't have that, could we...
    i have friends too, its just that they don't live within walking distance and i don't drive. besides, living with my in laws means my life is dictated by the way they live so i cant really chill out with my friends very often (if at all)

    10 pm is far far too early for my husband. 12 is usual for weekdays and 3 if im lucky on friday nights or weekends. of course, theyre not fixed times, sometimes hes earlier, sometimes later

  4. #4
    iceberg
    Guests

    Re: Spending time with your spouse

    talk and talk and talk your head off (i.e advise him) if he aint taking no heed, personally if i were in your shoes and when my husband wanted to spend time with me, i would refuse him, act like i was busy, snob him off, give him the cold shoulder...you name it. then when i see he is upset over it/annoyed, then i would *kindly* ask him to tell me anytime i would run off with my friends when he wanted to spend time with me, etc, explain to him kindly thats how i feel when he's too busy with his own friends.

    how the heck does neglecting your wife make you more of a man? true men are man enough to kill their own ego's.
    whats it got to do with anyone how softhearted hearted he is? and more-so, why should his relationship with you get the bad end of the deal...why dont people butt out to begin with? he shouldn't be neglecting your relationship all in order to please others.

  5. #5
    Ahsan121
    Guests

    Re: Spending time with your spouse

    Asamualykum.

    From a mans perspective, I think its very important for couples to spend some quality time together. We got married in November last year and I really felt I wast getting to spend much time with my wife but then I think its just the mutual attraction that makes you feel this way and as long as you have this feeling this show that the "knot is still very tight"
    I think its important to have friends who you can rely on. I am sure you dont want to spend all the time with your husband because that can lead to you guys getting bored with each other.
    And if you look at it Prophet used to spend only one day/night in a week with each wife.. right?? so there you go

  6. 22-05-13, 02:17 AM


  7. 16-09-13, 02:31 AM


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  9. 16-09-13, 06:50 AM

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