Men, do you have protective jealousy over your wives and women folk?

[Umm Saalehah]

If men dont have protective jealousy over their wives then take this as a warning...

The prophet Muhammad saw said 'A Dayooth will not enter Jannah.' The Sahabah asked, 'Who is a Dayooth?' Rasoolullah sallallahu alaihe wasallam said, 'A man who does not care who visits his wife (i.e. men).'

And on the issue of Ghayrah, Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said,

"And the Dayyouth (the man with no jealousy over the women in his family) is the most vile of Allah's creation, and Jannah is forbidden for him, (because of his lack of Ghayrah - jealousy).

The foundation of the Religion is Ghayrah, and the one without Ghayrah is one without Religion, for Ghayrah protects the heart and enlivens the limbs, and shields one from evil and lewdness, and lack of Ghayrah kills the heart so that the limbs die, so that there remains not even shielding from [the minor things].

And the example of Ghayrah in the heart is the example of the strength that shields one from sickness and fights it off, so if the strength leaves, he will be faced with the sickness, and will not find any thing to protect himself from it, so it will establish itself [within him] and destroy him ."

Ad-Daa' Wad-Dawaa', p.77

[Umm Saalehah]

Here is a beautiful example...

On this topic, a famous historical incident is mentioned, so that males and females with a sense of honor and enthusiasm may know how the pious predecessors despised a woman unveiling her face before men, although in the following instance it was permissible to unveil the face. During the third century Hijri, the Qaadi (judge) of Rayy and Ahwaaz, Musa bin Ishaaq, sat to adjudicate people's disputes. Among the litigants was a woman who claimed five hundred dinars Mahr from her husband. The husband denied the claim. The Qaadi said to the husband, "Bring your witnesses." The husband said, "I have brought them." The Qaadi said to one of the witnesses, "Look at the wife so you may point her out during testimony." The witness stood up and said to the woman, "Stand." Upon this, the husband said, "What do you want from her?" The husband was told, "It is necessary that the witness sees your wife unveiled so that he may know that it is your wife." The husband detested his wife unveiling her face for the witnesses in public. He screamed, saying, "I make the Qaadi my witness that this Mahr of my wife is an obligation on me, and she must not unveil her face!" When the wife heard this, she thought it was wonderful that her husband disapproved of her unveiling her face before the witnesses, and was protecting her from the sight of people. She too screamed at the Qaadi, "I make you a witness that I have granted my Mahr to him, and have absolved him in this Dunyaa and the Aakhirah!" The Qaadi said to those around him, "Record this as a moral standard." - Taken from Tarbiyat Al-Awlaaad Fil Islaam

[EastLondon_Bro]

i can imagine myself having way too much jealousy. lol

Really good reminder.

[Umm Saalehah]

Here is some more good advice and a beautiful story...

http://www.islamicawakening.com/view...?articleID=860
Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah
Fatima Barkatulla
Article ID: 860 | 4524 Reads


We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don't mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!

In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn't like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (SAW) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah. All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur'an: "The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…" (Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34). Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don't enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are called Dayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee's book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa'ir).



A story of Gheerah

To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa' (RA) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (RA) and sister of Aisha (RA), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa' to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-'Awwam (RA) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise. Asmaa' relates: "When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…", so Asmaa' had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. "And I used to carry on my head," she continues, "the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah's Messenger (SAW) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah's Messenger (SAW), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah." So Asmaa' declined the offer made by the Prophet (SAW). Upon this az-Zubair said: "By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him." (related in Saheeh Bukhari)

Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa'! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband's feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn't want to upset him by accepting the Prophet's (SAW) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at az-Zubair (RA), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn't want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!



Nurturing our sense of Gheerah

Sometimes Muslim women don't understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face - by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honour! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk's sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behaviour from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not Haraam, we must do it.

Subhan Allah! Look at the difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa' (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah doesn't wear out in a society in which people have lost their Hayaa' and Gheerah.

[Umm Saalehah]

i can imagine myself having way too much jealousy. lol

Really good reminder.

That is good inshallah your wife will be happy and feel secure knowing that her husband wants the best for her in this life and the hereafter by ensuring no man looks at her or even has the chance to look at her.

[Bint.Omar]

A story of Gheerah

To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa' (RA) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (RA) and sister of Aisha (RA), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa' to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-'Awwam (RA) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise. Asmaa' relates: "When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…", so Asmaa' had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. "And I used to carry on my head," she continues, "the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah's Messenger (SAW) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah's Messenger (SAW), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (SAW) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: "The Messenger of Allah (SAW) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah." So Asmaa' declined the offer made by the Prophet (SAW). Upon this az-Zubair said: "By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him." (related in Saheeh Bukhari)

ukhti. i love this hadith

[*hijab*]

excellent thread

all men should have gheerah for their wives

just like fathers and brothers should for their daughters and sisters etc

[mountains]

for this reminder

[ayah123]

mashaAllah. JZK

[-MA-]

The sisters who need to see this, are the ones that can't be bothered to read it!

[Mikha’eel]

Doesn't this like lead some people to end up killin their women, if they suspect them of doing something shameful i.e being with another man for whatever reason??

[.: Anna :.]

Doesn't this like lead some people to end up killin their women, if they suspect them of doing something shameful i.e being with another man for whatever reason??

thats the excess of it, whereby people had toooo much that it caused them to exceed the limits
however that doesn't mean that there is something wrong with protective jealousy in itself.
they should have protective jealousy but keep it within Allah's hudood & not transgress that. That's why we have guidelines & proper shariah in Islam so that people cant act just out of emotion but rather with the witnesses & everything, verify & then act.
everything in its place & according to the limits, we are a people of the middle way we cant go the extreme in either direction

[Cashew]

May I, please, make a suggestion?

Surely in the vast and rich vocabulary of Qu'ranic Arabic there must be a better term for what you mean than "women folk."

When Muslims use the term "women folk," it sounds as though they'd labored for many generations as dirt farmers in rural Mississippi where, after bringing in the last harvest of ugly dwarf yams, they would scamper barefoot down a red clay road to the one-room schoolhouse where they done got the only book learnin' they ever did git.

When you use the term "women folk," it makes you sound as though you always wore grimy loose-fitting overalls and always kept a sweat-stained banjo somewhere in your home.

Islam strongly forbids Muslims to imitate, impersonate, or follow after the ways, customs, and mannerisms of non-Muslims.

Certainly with just a little homework you can find a nice, suitable, Arabic term which you can use proudly in the place of "women folk."

[Xx-Hala-xX]

lol.. jazakallah v good reminder, all my bros, cuzis an uncles lol aand father are vvvvvv protective and possessive lol alhamdulillh i dnt mind tho coz it shows they cre

[Hiking]

May I, please, make a suggestion?

Surely in the vast and rich vocabulary of Qu'ranic Arabic there must be a better term for what you mean than "women folk."

When Muslims use the term "women folk," it sounds as though they'd labored for many generations as dirt farmers in rural Mississippi where, after bringing in the last harvest of ugly dwarf yams, they would scamper barefoot down a red clay road to the one-room schoolhouse where they done got the only book learnin' they ever did git.

When you use the term "women folk," it makes you sound as though you always wore grimy loose-fitting overalls and always kept a sweat-stained banjo somewhere in your home.

Islam strongly forbids Muslims to imitate, impersonate, or follow after the ways, customs, and mannerisms of non-Muslims.

Certainly with just a little homework you can find a nice, suitable, Arabic term which you can use proudly in the place of "women folk."

*continues to chew on bit of straw*

[CryingForGaza]

Jazakhullahu khiran for the post, mashallah the information was very useful.

Ma'a Salam

[anzaa]

Umm Saalehah,

What are your intentions behind raising these issues ????
why are you raising gender differences issues or are you trying to tell what is happening in your family ???

[-MA-]

Umm Saalehah,

What are your intentions behind raising these issues ????
why are you raising gender differences issues or are you trying to tell what is happening in your family ???

What does it matter? Articles like this are beneficial..

[EastLondon_Bro]

Br/sr i dont think we should really question someones intention nor is her private life any matter of our cencern.
I dont think she is really rasing any gender differences, both men and women are different and i think we need to take heed of this.
Regardless of whoever the thread opener its something we can learn from ia.

[anzaa]

Either the intentions of the thread opener are good or either the intentions are to spoil the minds and provoke quarrel by touching sensitive issues of gender differences.

[EastLondon_Bro]

i can only speak for myself and i was not offended at all, infact quite the contrary. I was happy someone posted this, in particular a sister.
We should only think that the sister had good intention in posting this ia.

[PiElle2]

are women allowed to have gheerah for their men...?

[EastLondon_Bro]

are women allowed to have gheerah for their men...?

That would be nice and give a special to the husband ia. lol

[anzaa]

are women allowed to have gheerah for their men...?

Your sister should be now looking forward to post an article regarding this topic because she has already posted the article on the opposite side.

[Supernova Nebula]

May I, please, make a suggestion?

Surely in the vast and rich vocabulary of Qu'ranic Arabic there must be a better term for what you mean than "women folk."

When Muslims use the term "women folk," it sounds as though they'd labored for many generations as dirt farmers in rural Mississippi where, after bringing in the last harvest of ugly dwarf yams, they would scamper barefoot down a red clay road to the one-room schoolhouse where they done got the only book learnin' they ever did git.

When you use the term "women folk," it makes you sound as though you always wore grimy loose-fitting overalls and always kept a sweat-stained banjo somewhere in your home.

Islam strongly forbids Muslims to imitate, impersonate, or follow after the ways, customs, and mannerisms of non-Muslims.

Certainly with just a little homework you can find a nice, suitable, Arabic term which you can use proudly in the place of "women folk."

But those people give you vegetables. I have this admiration for people who are willing to dirty their hands and shirts growing vegetables.

[PiElle2]

That would be nice and give a special to the husband ia. lol

LOL... btw what's ia....?

[NoLa]

LOL... btw what's ia....?

IA=Insha'Allah

[PiElle2]

IA=Insha'Allah

really... i never knew... thanks!

[EastLondon_Bro]

That would be nice and give a special to the husband ia. lol

suppose to say..."special feelings for the husband"...in other words, make the husband feel special. My bad ....poor engish. Sorry peeps.

[.: Anna :.]

yes @ gheerah for husbands. eg when you become annoyed if some girl tries to talk to ur husband, something like that.. thts from gheerah

anzaa why are you making an issue with the thread starter? theres nothing here to make u think tht theres bad intentions behind the thread, and what happened to husn al than?
seriously weird for u to come and make an issue with it for nothing :\

nor do i understand cashew whats so wrong about "womenfolk"
it just means the women over which that man has some authority, or he has some relationship to them. although in fact men can have gheerah for the muslim women in general, ie he does not like it when he sees anyone mistreating the honour of any sister, whether he knows her or not, whether related or not, thats also from gheerah

what on earth it has to do with farmer's wives or whatever you were describing, i do not know

[hassan12]

I understand the hadith and what the prophet said about someone who doesn't care about who visits his WIFE, but this:

And on the issue of Ghayrah, Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said,

"And the Dayyouth (the man with no jealousy over the women in his family) is the most vile of Allah's creation, and Jannah is forbidden for him, (because of his lack of Ghayrah - jealousy).

What is the basis of that? Surely there are worse people who also will not enter heaven?


I am more concerned with the excessive 'gheera' than the absence of it. "Honor killings" have become too common in almost all Muslim countries. The Quran is clear on how to discipline the wife if he fears disloyalty or lewd behavior from her. Where does Islam justify the use of violence to penalize women though, like sisters or daughters?

[Umm Saalehah]

Umm Saalehah,

What are your intentions behind raising these issues ????
why are you raising gender differences issues or are you trying to tell what is happening in your family ???

Either the intentions of the thread opener are good or either the intentions are to spoil the minds and provoke quarrel by touching sensitive issues of gender differences.

Your sister should be now looking forward to post an article regarding this topic because she has already posted the article on the opposite side.

The reason I started this thread is because I thought not every one will know about the issue of gheerah and was looking at the hadith and articles myself so wanted the share/spread what I found as I thought others could also benefit.

I dont know what your implying with regards to gender issues.

And finally theres nothing wrong with having protective jealousy towards husbands as even the prophet Muhammad saws wives got jealous of his other wives sometimes. Also its important to remember that men are different to women emotionally, mentally and physically.

[Umm Saalehah]

I understand the hadith and what the prophet said about someone who doesn't care about who visits his WIFE, but this:



What is the basis of that? Surely there are worse people who also will not enter heaven?


I am more concerned with the excessive 'gheera' than the absence of it. "Honor killings" have become too common in almost all Muslim countries. The Quran is clear on how to discipline the wife if he fears disloyalty or lewd behavior from her. Where does Islam justify the use of violence to penalize women though, like sisters or daughters?

I cant comment on what ibn Al Qayyim said because I dont have the knowledge but Im sure he had a strong basis for why he said it. Perhaps because a dayooth will never get to enter junnah?? or Perhaps there is another hadith which he is talking about thats not mentioned in there?? I dont know.

As far as your comment on honour killings go its haram. Honour killings are from culture not from Islam.

However if a woman or even a man cheated on his/her spouse then he/she would get the death penalty if living some where which implemented shariah. Thats not honour killing though. That is crime and punishment.

[Kubs]

There are two extremes. A person who is overly posessive...so jealous that he won't let his wife leave the house..............EVER And then there's the complete opposite....a man who lets his wife do anything and everything. Isn't concerned about her whereabouts...the way she dresses...her manners...her islamic principles. He just has the 'don't care' attitude which is OBVIOUSLY wrong.

You've just gotta find the balance.

are women allowed to have gheerah for their men...?

LOL obviously.

[hassan12]

I cant comment on what ibn Al Qayyim said because I dont have the knowledge but Im sure he had a strong basis for why he said it. Perhaps because a dayooth will never get to enter junnah?? or Perhaps there is another hadith which he is talking about thats not mentioned in there?? I dont know.

We cannot presume. There are many people who won't enter jannah. Saying that the dayooth is the worst amongst creation seems strange. Is that worse than a rapist or child molestor or a murderer? We come across too many people who sanction or excuse honor killing because of gheera. The word "honor" in honor killing is referring to gheera. The Quran also tells muslim that it is wrong to annoy women. Adultery is haraam, speaking to men with proper adab is not.

The danger here is that we become so 'jealous' that we exceed the limits of Islam. Excessive jealousy becomes oppression.

[Phoenix CG]

"you looking at my wife?!" *sucker punch

[Umm Saalehah]

We cannot presume. There are many people who won't enter jannah. Saying that the dayooth is the worst amongst creation seems strange. Is that worse than a rapist or child molestor or a murderer? We come across too many people who sanction or excuse honor killing because of gheera. The word "honor" in honor killing is referring to gheera. The Quran also tells muslim that it is wrong to annoy women. Adultery is haraam, speaking to men with proper adab is not.

The danger here is that we become so 'jealous' that we exceed the limits of Islam. Excessive jealousy becomes oppression.

It says the most vile, not the worst amongst creation.

Im trying to find some stuff on Islam qa but its proving a bit difficult at the moment because you have to put the same spelling into the search box that they use so Im trying to try different spellings but its not coming up with what Im looking for.

[Sister-Ameena*]

My brother has always had gheerah over me, ever since I was a very little girl, I'm his youngest sister. Even in my baby pictures I was always sitting in his lap, he would even feed me, and he was merely 7-8 years old masha'Allaah. As I got older, like 15-16, I got very annoyed of it and thought he needed to back off because as a girl and as his sister I felt he had overstepped his boundaries. Alhamdulilah though, now that I've gained more and more knowledge of Islaam I'm very understanding of it. He is the one who I turn to, but sometimes I don't because I know he's going to damage somebody if I tell him of certain things that men try to do to me (making remarks, hitting on me etc. astaghfirullah ). And I know sisters will totally understand me when I say we get harassed sometimes for merely adhering to the islamic dress code for women. He just gets so angry, alhamdulilah I know now that he is just being protective over me. Imagine there wasn't any of it? I would feel like he didn't love me and he's just careless. So sisters do not feel insulted, or even angered by it, but honoured insha'Allaah. We are honourable Muslim women, and everything we do is for (or should be) the sake of Allaah

[Cashew]

nor do i understand cashew whats so wrong about "womenfolk"
it just means the women over which that man has some authority, or he has some relationship to them...what on earth it has to do with farmer's wives or whatever you were describing, i do not know

Anna, to American ears, "women folk" is a very, very old-fashioned term used by white people in the rural deep South.

In big American cities, if you were to start commonly using "women folk" in conversation, people would think it odd, especially if you weren't driving a rusty old tractor, wearing a bonnet, or carrying a chicken under each arm.

To American ears, it just sounds a little comical to hear Muslims using the term "women folk" because we don't tend to associate Muslims with life on small farms in the deep South, or with speaking English with a thick Southern drawl.

Anyway, you're one of our local geniuses in the Arabic language. Could you, please, tell us what the Arabic equivalent is for "women folk"?

[Supernova Nebula]

Anna, to American ears, "women folk" is a very, very old-fashioned term used by white people in the rural deep South.

In big American cities, if you were to start commonly using "women folk" in conversation, people would think it odd, especially if you weren't driving a rusty old tractor, wearing a bonnet, or carrying a chicken under each arm.

To American ears, it just sounds a little comical to hear Muslims using the term "women folk" because we don't tend to associate Muslims with life on small farms in the deep South, or with speaking English with a thick Southern drawl.

Anyway, you're one of our local geniuses in the Arabic language. Could you, please, tell us what the Arabic equivalent is for "women folk"?

that's cute lol.