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  1. #1
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    Husband and Wife... Sex

    salaam all,

    Looking for advice or other people in this situation who can give me correct islamic proof/guidence on what to do. Me and my husband constantly argue over the issue of sex. He wants sex very day. With 3 small children, that is very hard for me. Since he wants to have sex very night and i am too tired, we agreeded to at least every other day or try every day.
    Many times he has the desire to have me at night, but the children wake up and need me. which means i leave him and go take care of the babies/children. when i come back to the bed he is sleeping. and i am too tired so i dont want to wake him. the next morning he is mad and goes days without speaking to me. This is a common occurrence, since i have young babies who still wake up at night.

    Am i at fault??

    1. Is it islamically permissible to attend to the children when they are crying, which means leaving my husband in the bed by himself?

    2. If you have back pain and you are tired, is it islamically permissible to ask your husband to have sex another day?

  2. #2
    Odan Umm_Hanzalah's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Ask him to get a second wife

  3. #3
    Quirky Ebony's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Make him get up and tend to the kids. He'll soon find out why you're tired and perhaps begin to sympathise.
    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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    Quirky Ebony's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Umm_Hanzalah View Post
    Ask him to get a second wife
    Great way to avoid the issue.
    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    salaam aleykum habibti,,,as i know u must accomplish those requirements of your hubby,,,cuse if u do it then u prevent him frm harmful things n doing zina outside the house audhu billahi,,,u must try to be with him every time he needs,likes,asks but there is no punishment frm Allah ta'ala if u cannot do it every time cuse of good reasons,,,just try to do ur best n think u will receive big reward frm Allah Ta'ala,,,nobody can force u do wht u cannot,,,i know tht it is hard ur situation with 3 kids,,there is no sleep, no time just tiredness n a hubby who is kinda selfish,,,let him to take care of babies 1 day n surely he'll ask no intimacy just deep sleep 4 three days continuously,,,may Allah help u n give u sabr n easy life ameen!
    أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

  6. #6
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    you have to give it to him when he asks for it.

    but he should be understanding about your health and the kids too...

    maybe you can try explaining to him that its hard for you and you need some off nights but can agree on having intimacy like 3 times a week or something.

    or take turns seeing the kids so it balances out and he can see that its not so easy.

    talk to him and see what he says. if hes an understanding guy then hopefully it wont be a problem to be intimate less than 5 times a week or something...
    Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

  7. #7
    Odan Umm_Hanzalah's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Ebony View Post
    Great way to avoid the issue.
    Not really.

    What you suggested is good, but men are not like women in that respect and they are also not equal and the same in terms of their needs. There are individual differences as well. It suits some men quite well to have another wife and gives the first wife a break, so that she can do other things while he is away.

  8. #8
    Quirky Ebony's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Its quite immature on his part to stop talking to her because he isn't getting what he wants. Childish behaviour, so bouncing that off onto another isn't exactly productive. He probably doesnt notice the amount of work she has to do, and why she's tired. So appreciation is probably out of the window too. Nevermind sympathy or attempting to compromise/share.

    Not addressing the issue is avoiding it, and avoidance is a major problem since problems and attitudes fester and get transferred onto something/someone else.

    People should try to work on their problems in their marriages instead of deciding to take on another wife or to go away/leave, which in itself is an incredibly inept way to reach a solution to the problem.Then people wonder why they faff about when it comes to problem solving - try not to avoid them in the 1st place would help
    Last edited by Ebony; 16-06-08 at 02:40 PM.
    You are not aware of the consequences that would result (if you were granted what you desire) because what you seek might be to your detriment. (O soul) be conscious that your Master is more aware about your well-being than you are.

    ~Ibn Al-Jawzee

  9. #9
    Odan Umm_Hanzalah's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Ebony View Post
    Its quite immature on his part to stop talking to her because he isn't getting what he wants. Childish behaviour, so bouncing that off onto another isn't exactly productive. Not addressing the issue is avoiding it, and avoidance is a major problem since problems and attitudes fester and get transferred onto something/someone else.
    That's his reaction to it. Yes it may be immature, but the issue remains that needs vary from person to person and some people are in fact better off with more than one wife and some wives are better off when their husband has another wife. However, I also think that she should ask him to tend to the children so that he knows how difficult it is for her. I wasn't saying that it is the only way.

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    Odan Neurostyler's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    What if he wanted it 5 times a day, does Islam say she has to attend to him that often?

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Neurostyler View Post
    What if he wanted it 5 times a day, does Islam say she has to attend to him that often?
    islamically she must be available anytime he requires,,,if she has no good reason to avoid it,,,
    أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    ....but this is a common reason why we fight. This morning he said that i need to read about the man's right over the wife. But does thoses rights come before crying babies???? i have identical twins and a 2 year old boy.

    my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
    no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?

  13. #13
    Odan Umm_Hanzalah's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by GainEmaan View Post
    ....but this is a common reason why we fight. This morning he said that i need to read about the man's right over the wife. But does thoses rights come before crying babies???? i have identical twins and a 2 year old boy.

    my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
    no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?
    Spend some time with your husband and then put the kids to bed?

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by GainEmaan View Post
    ....but this is a common reason why we fight. This morning he said that i need to read about the man's right over the wife. But does thoses rights come before crying babies???? i have identical twins and a 2 year old boy.

    my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
    no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?
    What about your pleasure! You're making yourself sound like a robot here

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    .dum.vita.est.spes.est. Pippin1376's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by GainEmaan View Post
    my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
    no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?
    Why not work together to get the kids to bed, then you can be intimate together? Just tell him the faster the kids are in bed, the fast you can help him.
    "...And never give up hope of Allah's Soothing Mercy: truly no one despairs of Allah's Soothing Mercy, except those who have no faith."
    Surah Yusuf
    [12:87]



    .:. Perfer et Obdura : Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim .:.
    Be patient and strong : someday this pain will be useful to you



  16. #16
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Neurostyler View Post
    What if he wanted it 5 times a day, does Islam say she has to attend to him that often?
    the prophet said u go to him even if u are at the oven baking..& nothing wrong with that, if u start refusing ur husband/wife then u will loose the love between the couple, because of the constant rejection, its not only about desire, its about the love and attraction too and if u are attracted to your husband/wife then of course u will desire them. when ppl start to refuse their spouses they might start feeling that they arent loved anymore.

    A woman can divorce her husband if he refuses her this without good reason, and a man can take another wife if his wife is refusing him and feels she cant fulfil his needs, and again nothing wrong with that, one of the purposes of marriage is to fulfil the halal needs one of them being intimacy. whats the point of being married if one or the other is going to reject and not give their spouse their due right. many marriages breaking down because of this refusal and withholding the rights of the other in marriage. marriage should be a protection in regards to the needs that ppl have. a husband and wife should take some time out of day for each other even if they have small children etc. its not difficult.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  17. #17
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    do either of you have family members that can babysit on a weekend or something?

    if hes working 60 hours a week then i can imagine hed be frustrated for not getting some you know? in NA average full time is around 37-40some hours...

    it would be hard to ask him to help u at home because of his long days...

    best thing to do for now is to get the kids in bed earlier so you both have leisure time in the evening. since the twins are still infants, they are definitely gonna be waking up in the middle of the night, no doubt about that.

    explain to him how exhausted you feel sometimes and hopefully he'll understand. tell him things will change once the kids are a little older and things like that
    Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

  18. #18
    Odan Neurostyler's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by `asiya View Post
    the prophet said u go to him even if u are at the oven baking..& nothing wrong with that, if u start refusing ur husband/wife then u will loose the love between the couple, because of the constant rejection, its not only about desire, its about the love and attraction too and if u are attracted to your husband/wife then of course u will desire them. when ppl start to refuse their spouses they might start feeling that they arent loved anymore.

    A woman can divorce her husband if he refuses her this without good reason, and a man can take another wife if his wife is refusing him and feels she cant fulfil his needs, and again nothing wrong with that, one of the purposes of marriage is to fulfil the halal needs one of them being intimacy. whats the point of being married if one or the other is going to reject and not give their spouse their due right. many marriages breaking down because of this refusal and withholding the rights of the other in marriage. marriage should be a protection in regards to the needs that ppl have. a husband and wife should take some time out of day for each other even if they have small children etc. its not difficult.
    Wow! Shouldn't people divulge their sex drive before getting married then? It must be tough both partners have divergent sex drives. 5 times a day would be painful for a woman!? I dunno.

  19. #19
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Sis, first discuss this with your husband and let him know you realise that there are problems, that you really want to see them solved and that you need his help to help you care for the children and yet be available for him as he desires.

    Make a proper routine for your children. Feed them early before he comes home, have them bathed and ready for bed. When He comes home, and after he has eaten if he wants time to play with them.. you go and have a shower and make yourself look and feel like his wife and not the childrens mum. Better still , why not plan to eat together once the children are in bed, and this will give them time to sleep and you and him to wind down after the busy day.

    The shower will relax and revive you too. Once you have prepared yourself put the children to bed. Make sure they have a scheduled bedtime so your husband knows that every night at 7:30pm its their bedtime. (we lived in a non daylight saving area and I made bedtime when it was dark, a good way for the children to know when bedtime was approaching.

    Stick to the bedtime and make sure the children know that when they go to bed, they stay there.

    Once you turn that light out.. you be there for your husband and if the children play up ask him to deal with them not you for a few nights. I have seen over and over that a father attending to the children at sleep time, can often achieve more than their tired mum.

    Insha'Allah modify this for your own family and their needs, but the key is to talk to your husband, agree together on a plan of action that takes both your needs into account and ensures that you and not the children ae the "bosses" of your evenings.

    It may take a few days or weeks.. but if you are both committed to the solution it will be easier and both of you are winners if you do this.. insha'Allah

    Insha'Allah some of this helps.
    .The Prophet sal Allahu alaiyhi wa sallam said, I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right; and I guarantee a home in the middle of Jannah for one who abandons lying even for the sake of fun; and I guarantee a house in the highest part of Jannah for one who has good manners.
    http://jameelah61.wordpress.com/

  20. #20
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by GainEmaan View Post
    ....but this is a common reason why we fight. This morning he said that i need to read about the man's right over the wife. But does thoses rights come before crying babies???? i have identical twins and a 2 year old boy.

    my husband works 60 hours a week. i have no help with the children
    no time away from them. being tired is over rated, but i still try to please him. But what do i do when its bedtime for the children---they dont want to sleep and my husband desires me?
    sis get smn to help u during day 4 u to sleep few hrs n be not so tired when hubby comes,,,also talk with him to wait til the children r sleeping,,,
    أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

  21. #21
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Pippin1376 View Post
    Why not work together to get the kids to bed, then you can be intimate together? Just tell him the faster the kids are in bed, the fast you can help him.
    good idea
    أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

  22. #22
    pariah *asiya*'s Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Neurostyler

    thats why attraction between the spouses is something important in marriage.

    i would advise the sister to get the children into a proper routine take them out for walks in the buggy in the fresh air and tire them out, if they take a nap u take a nap, insha Allah they should all be asleep by 7pm at that age, and the babies should sleep right through the night after 5 months old insha Allah, make sure they are full and give them a bath and warm milk before bed to relax them, fresh clothes to sleep in, and fresh bedsheets and insha Allah they will settle down for u, may Allah make it easy on u amin.
    Last edited by *asiya*; 16-06-08 at 03:06 PM.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  23. #23
    In constant dhikr...... Kulthoom's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by `asiya View Post
    Neurostyler

    thats why attraction between the spouses is something important in marriage
    this has nothing to do with that the poor woman is worn out she has 3 kids under 5 who take up so much of her time and energy!
    Knowledge and intelligence leads one who possesses it to do good acts and prevents him from evil.

    Ignorance on the other hand, calls the one who is ignorant to conform to his desires, even if it is harmful to him.

  24. #24
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    unforunately our families live in different countries. does anyone know situations where a wife cannot attend to her husband that would be justified???

    I always feel bad when he is upset about this issue--- but i think i would feel worse pleasing my husband in the bed knowing that one of the babies are crying and i am not attending to one of them.

    i dont want to earn Allah's anger, this is why i need to know if it is haram to attend to the children while my husband desires me

    --help--help

  25. #25
    Odan Neurostyler's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by `asiya View Post
    thats why attraction between the spouses is something important in marriage
    But you know - sex drive isn't totally about attraction. I mean some people are rampant with.. whoever and others just don't feel that way inclined. I think it should be mentioned before marrying, that's just horrible for either partner to emotionally/morally blackmailed into having sex e.g. 5 times a day. I see it as a matter of respect, I'd never do that to a woman

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    pariah *asiya*'s Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    if it was the other way round would u call it emotionally/morally blackmailing a husband , at the end of the day a marriage is a protection from falling into sin.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  27. #27
    Odan Umm_Hanzalah's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by GainEmaan View Post
    unforunately our families live in different countries. does anyone know situations where a wife cannot attend to her husband that would be justified???

    I always feel bad when he is upset about this issue--- but i think i would feel worse pleasing my husband in the bed knowing that one of the babies are crying and i am not attending to one of them.

    i dont want to earn Allah's anger, this is why i need to know if it is haram to attend to the children while my husband desires me

    --help--help
    I think you need to speak to your husband again sis. Don't argue with him. Just ask him what he thinks you should do when the baby cries and he wants sex? Can't you put the kids to sleep before?

  28. #28
    In constant dhikr...... Kulthoom's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by GainEmaan View Post
    unforunately our families live in different countries. does anyone know situations where a wife cannot attend to her husband that would be justified???

    I always feel bad when he is upset about this issue--- but i think i would feel worse pleasing my husband in the bed knowing that one of the babies are crying and i am not attending to one of them.

    i dont want to earn Allah's anger, this is why i need to know if it is haram to attend to the children while my husband desires me

    --help--help
    sis itsdowntocommon sense more th enanything. If your husband wants you to satisfy him whilst his children (all under 5?) cry their eyes out then that says a lot.

    Which mother or wife would want to carry on having sex whilst the child is crying out for her? if your husband things thats acceptable then u need to be having words.

    Rountine with kids is importnant but you have to put them first. If they cry (which they inevitably will cos they are kids regardless of their routine) you have to tend to them beyond anything else!
    Knowledge and intelligence leads one who possesses it to do good acts and prevents him from evil.

    Ignorance on the other hand, calls the one who is ignorant to conform to his desires, even if it is harmful to him.

  29. #29
    Odan Neurostyler's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by `asiya View Post
    if it was the other way round would u call it emotionally/morally blackmailing a husband , at the end of the day a marriage is a protection from falling into sin.
    Ofcourse. It's manipulation. There must be a compromise surely? There can't be tonnes of sex all the time at any time of the day, how can that work with responsibilities like children or work whatever.

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    pariah *asiya*'s Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by muslimah85 View Post
    this has nothing to do with that the poor woman is worn out she has 3 kids under 5 who take up so much of her time and energy!
    well those who have had small children very close in age and have been married would know what theyre talking about. you have to organise your children and get them into a routine as small babies starting from when they are born, to make sure u spend quality time with ur husband when he gets in from work insha Allah.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  31. #31
    In constant dhikr...... Kulthoom's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by `asiya View Post
    well those who have had small children very close in age and have been married would know what theyre talking about. you have to organise your children and get them into a routine as small babies starting from when they are born, to make sure u spend quality time with ur husband when he gets in from work insha Allah.
    true but no matter what routine you have does nor mean your child will not wake up in the night and cry for you,?
    Knowledge and intelligence leads one who possesses it to do good acts and prevents him from evil.

    Ignorance on the other hand, calls the one who is ignorant to conform to his desires, even if it is harmful to him.

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    thanks for the advice on getting the babies to bed early. i am trying to work on that now. when i put the babies to sleep early, for some reason they will wake up at around 10:00 or 10:30---which would be "our" time. since they wake up at the time that is "our" time, i started to put them to bed right before we go so they can stay to sleep a little longer. And that's not working, because sometimes i fall asleep in the babies room while trying to make them fall asleep-----which means i have once again earned my husbands disappointment

  33. #33
    Banned Kal-El's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    This thing can destroy marriages. I'm afraid sticking to the suggestion that she must provide for him sexually whenever he asks for regardless of her fatigue of caring for the children, is an insensitive and useless suggestion.

    The problem here is not your husbands sexual appetite but how often you can make love, it's a big issue for couples who especially have very young children that take up their entire day. If you are tired, then he must take some of the burden off you in regards to the amount of work you do, either with the children or the housework.

    Give him a challenge, give him all your housework and care of the children for a week - and see if hes still complaining about not enough sex, or if he's collapsed on the couch because of sheer exhaustion.

    If you read this closely enough you might spot the secret message hidden in it

    Mr President, You Are Wrong

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    i didnt say he wants it 5 times day----he is not even home for that. what i did say was every day or at least every other day.

    --anyone else in this situation??

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    pariah *asiya*'s Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by GainEmaan View Post
    thanks for the advice on getting the babies to bed early. i am trying to work on that now. when i put the babies to sleep early, for some reason they will wake up at around 10:00 or 10:30---which would be "our" time. since they wake up at the time that is "our" time, i started to put them to bed right before we go so they can stay to sleep a little longer. And that's not working, because sometimes i fall asleep in the babies room while trying to make them fall asleep-----which means i have once again earned my husbands disappointment
    sis do they still have a nap in the day time ? i used to take mine out in the morning early, sometimes to play group or just to the park, put them for a nap about 11am till 12.30pm at the latest if they sleep any later in the day they will wake up in the evening.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Well islamically speaking men are the maintainers of the women. And because of that mashaAllah, my husband works over hours to provide for his family---home and food.

    many times i ask him to help me, but he says that he has been standing all day at work and now i want him to stand at home!

    i know of the hadith of the women who was baking bread in the oven and bread is important not to be burned so imagine how important the right is for the huband---i understand. its just a matter of children over husband. not bread over husband

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    YDoUwant2KnoIfImHappy/Not GuCcI's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    Quote Originally Posted by Kal-El View Post

    Give him a challenge, give him all your housework and care of the children for a week - and see if hes still complaining about not enough sex, or if he's collapsed on the couch because of sheer exhaustion.

    oh Kal, this would work in the Dr.Phil's House... but in real life? would her husband really take off a 60 hour work week? he'd be like, well then why dont u go out and earn bread for the kids!

    thats reality.

    although it sucks, all you can do is make minor adjustments to work around this stuff thats the challenge and its to test her patience strenth love and faith. but i know things will change once the kids get older and things will get easier.
    Screaming, But Will Never Be Heard

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    yes, to answer your question..they do take naps. from 12:30 to 2:30. then they are so tried that they sometimes fall to sleep at 7:30 then wake up at 9:30 or 10:00. but worse is all 3 children have diffent sleeping habits. and all 3 require me to put them to sleep before they can fall asleep on their own.

    well please make duaa for me. inshaAllah i will ask Allah for blessing in our marriage and i will take the sister's advice on coffee---i dont drink it, but i will just for the sake of peace at home

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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    can u not slot in your activity time immediately the kids go sleep?

    meanwhile, tell him you will sort out a regular routine, discuss with him... ie. find domestic help for the day, baby sitter for certain evenings, tire the kids out just before bedtime, train them to sleep early and throughout the night.
    "There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." - Morpheus, The Matrix.

    "It would not be reasonable in me if I did not serve Him Who created me, and to Whom ye shall (all) be brought back." Surah 36:22. Ya Sin (Yusuf Ali Translation)

  40. #40
    fa shizzles! belal1's Avatar
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    Re: Husband and Wife... Sex

    as salamu alaikum,

    something tells me this thread should be moved to the sisters section cuz i don't think any of you sis's want to hear most of the brothers responses

    as salamu alaikum
    There's nothing natural about natural disasters. Think about it...


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