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  1. #1
    Odan dhak1yya's Avatar
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    Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    Moderators note: this sticky thread is for information. Please do post extra information on the same subject, or your own experiences and questions relating to the topic. However, conversation and/or arguing will be deleted inshaAllah.

    Things new fathers can do to help their wives when breastfeeding.

    1. Make sure she has plenty of water to drink at all times. She will need a jug of water by her bed at night, and a glass, you can refil it if it needs refilling and also pour out a glass for her when she is breastfeeding.

    2. When the baby is tiny and newborn, especially if it is the first baby, she may have difficulty getting the baby to start feeding, and may feel upset and worried that she can't do it. Reassure her as much as she needs, try to offer practical help (like fetching extra pillows to support her and/or the baby)

    3. In the early days, especially if its a first baby, it may help her to have a female relative who has breastfed herself to help her. Make sure its someone that she knows well, and that she won't feel obliged to entertain her as a guest, and that the relative knows that she's there to help her with the baby (not just breastfeeding, all kinds of practical help - having a baby is a big shock to a womans system - much more so if she had a difficult labour and/or a caesarian or other complications)

    4. Make sure she has enough healthy food to eat. Her appetite will increase greatly in order to make enough milk for the baby. Fruit is the best thing to snack on between meals, as it will provide vitamins and minerals for her body to recover from the birth. Nutrients go into her milk for the baby as a priority, what is left is then used by her body. If she isn't getting enough nutrients, she will suffer before the baby suffers.

    5. Most women will need emotional support most at night, when neither of you have had enough sleep, and she is completely exhausted but still has to feed the baby. Be patient with her and reassure her that you are there for her.

    6. She may want to express some milk during the day, for you to feed to the baby in a bottle during the night. As well has helping her by allowing her to get a little rest, it helps you to bond with the baby.

    7. Try to allow her to rest as much as possible, arrange for her to have naps during the day. Insufficient sleep affects her milk supply, if she is eating and drinking well and her milk supply is low, having an extra hour or two of sleep can really help inshaAllah.


    -----
    this is a short video about a new father's role in breastfeeding - includes fathers of twins and triplets - does not contain video of breastfeeding but one of the women is dressed rather by Islamic standards but you can still lower your gaze and listen to what the fathers are saying lol http://www.breastfeeding.com/helpme/...ole_in_bf.html

    This clip is part of a DVD about breastfeeding which your wife may be interested in - other clips and details about the DVD are on the mothers milk sticky thread.

    --------
    this is a link to a PDF file from the Lansinoh website about how a father can support his wife with breastfeeding. http://www.lansinoh.co.uk/images/Downloads/8157.pdf There are other factsheets available from the Lansinoh website, and there is a link to the website in the mothers milk sticky thread.
    Last edited by dhak1yya; 11-03-08 at 07:11 PM.





  2. #2
    ๑۩۩๑ Allaah Knows ๑۩۩๑ Al Qadr's Avatar
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    Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    When one is ready to commit to life, it can be really surprising what contentment can be obtained from what can easily be taken for granted. Fatherhood is a great honor representing one's ability to pass on the Prophetic legacy to one's offspring. However, in many communities fathers have gone AWOL. Young boys and girls are left alone replacing the important guidance that a father can provide with DVDs, video games, Internet, and television.


    Love Your Wife


    Loving your wife is extremely important because from this relationship springs forth the role model that the children will use as their map later on in life. Once a sister (may Allah bless her and her family) told me, "If I could choose any man in the world to marry, I would want him to be like my father." In another situation I observed a small girl yelling at her younger brother. Her mother asked, "Why do you to talk to him like that?" The girl responded, "Because this is how you and Baba talk to each other. As men we set an important precedent in the home. By loving our wives and treating them with compassion and mercy, in sha' Allah, we make those qualities fall into the hearts of our children. It is well known that the children of abusers have a great potential to abuse. The child is a reflection of the parental shadow. Mercy toward the women in the family represents a baton passed on from father to son.


    Be a Man of Integrity

    Be a man of integrity, or your words will fall on deaf ears. It is said that a man's worth is founded on his words.

    Humaid ibn `Abdur-Rahman ibn `Awf reported his mother, Umm Kulthum bint `Uqba ibn Abi Mu`ait — and she was one among the first emigrants who pledged allegiance to Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) — as saying that she heard Allah's Messenger ( ) saying:
    "A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good (in order to avert dispute), or he conveys good." Ibn Shihab said he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as a lie but in three cases: in battle; for bringing reconciliation amongst persons; and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them). (Muslim 32 #6303)

    Fathers, do you keep your appointments and promises with your children? Do you exercise as much effort to be with them as, say, with your friends or business appointments? Once a parent was asked to introduce himself to his son's classmates. After the father listed his accomplishments, the son said, "You know, these things are nice, but they don't mean anything to me. What means the most to me is that my dad is in private to me what he is to others in public." This really applies to the people involved in Islamic work and the masjid. Are we the same behind closed doors as we are in public? What type of image is developing in front of our children? Nothing shatters the heart of a child more than parental inconsistencies. Let us keep our promises and stick to a positive behavior pattern at all times.

    `Abdullah reported Allah's Messenger ( ) as saying:
    "It is obligatory for you to tell the truth, for truth leads to virtue and virtue leads to Paradise, and the man who continues to speak the truth and endeavors to tell the truth is eventually recorded as truthful with Allah; and beware of telling of a lie, for telling of a lie leads to obscenity and obscenity leads to Hellfire, and the person who keeps telling lies and endeavors to tell a lie is recorded as a liar with Allah." (Muslim 32 #6309)

    The Qur'an tells us that Allah is closer to us than our jugular vein, so He is wherever we may be.

    [It is only the devil who would make (men) fear his partisans. Fear them not; fear Me, if ye are true believers.] (Aal `Imran 3:175)


    Time Spent Is Time Well Invested

    Your children's importance in relation to you as a parent can be measured by how much time you spend with them.
    Once a father told me of all the things that he had showered on his son. However, when I asked the son what he wanted most from his father, he said, "I just want him to spend time with me." Make a schedule and spend at least an hour a day with your kids. Believe me, in sha' Allah, it will make all the difference in the world. A lot of important things can be discussed while throwing a ball, playing hoop or board games, or taking short walks or trips to the park. Turn off your mobile and lose yourself in their thoughts. Could you imagine if Prophet Luqman suddenly told his son, "Wait there's an important phone call?" Or if Prophet Ibrahim told Isma`il as they were building the Ka`bah, "Just one moment, I have a fax coming in"? Make note of your conversation and listen attentively. Offer feedback or sincere advice to them, and surprise them with heart-felt hugs and small notes of appreciation.


    Give a Big Dose of Self-Worth

    You, more than anyone else, can give your children the kind of self-worth that lasts for a lifetime. As a son, I can remember many great things that my mother told me. However, it was always the praise of my father and his advice that truly struck a chord in my heart. We as men can make or break our children. It is important to avoid harsh words and over-inflated perceptions of our children. Instead, let us advise them, praise them, and nurture them.

    Prophet Muhammad said "The similitude of that guidance and knowledge with which Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, has sent me is that of rain falling upon the earth. There is a good piece of land which receives the rainfall (eagerly) and as a result of it there is grown in it herbage and grass abundantly. Then there is a land hard and barren which retains water and the people derive benefit from it and they drink it and make the animals drink. Then there is another land which is barren. Neither water is retained in it, nor is the grass grown in it. And that is the similitude of the first one who develops the understanding of the religion of Allah and it becomes a source of benefit to him with which Allah sent me. (The second one is that) who acquires the knowledge of religion and imparts it to others. (Then the other type is) one who does not pay attention to (the revealed knowledge) and thus does not accept guidance of Allah with which I have been sent." (Muslim 30 #5668)


    Be a Good Role Model

    `Abdullah ibn `Umar accepted Islam before he was 10 years old. `Abdullah would observe the sayings and actions of Prophet Muhammad. If Prophet Muhammad prayed in a particular place, later so would `Abdullah. If he saw Prophet Muhammad make du`aa' while standing, so would `Abdullah. Our children develop their sense of self-worth from our actions and words. By our example and good words of advice, we can plant the seeds that will sprout into worthy adults and noble citizens.


    Communicate as a Family

    It is common to see Muslims complaining about the injustices and human rights violations that exist in many Muslim countries. However, there is no need to call others Pharaoh when one is practicing the Pharonic model at home.

    Allah Most High described the believers as a people of consultation. The Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) and the Companions placed great importance in shura. As a father it is easy to impose your opinion on the household, but this is not necessarily the most fruitful method. Talking and listening to others will allow them to feel that you truly respect them and value their thoughts and ideas. In addition, it will increase their self-worth and guide them towards the important qualities of listening, sharing, and offering input.

    Prophet Muhammad ( ) said:
    "Three are the signs of a hypocrite: when he spoke he told a lie, when he made a promise he acted treacherously against it, when he was trusted he betrayed." (Muslim 1 #0112)


    May Allah help us to improve as fathers and touch the lives of those around us.
    Oh Allah,
    Make me want that which is beneficial for me...
    And make beneficial for me that which I want.

  3. #3
    Odan dhak1yya's Avatar
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    Should the father be present at the birth?

    Should the father be present at the birth?

    Personally I think this is an issue that every couple should decide for themselves as a couple, and both husband and wife need to carefully consider each other's opinions and feelings on this matter long beforehand. There are plenty of alternatives for a birth partner besides the husband, e.g. doula (i.e. someone trained to do this), female friend or relative. In fact lots of women would in fact prefer their husbands not to be there, and would rather be accompanied by a woman who has been there and done that and understands what she is going through. Also, if a husband does choose to be his wife's birth partner, he doesn't have to actually watch the birth, he can be holding her hand and not looking at what is going on, and instead concentrating on comforting and encouraging her inshaAllah. And I would advise all fathers intent on being their wife's birth partner, to read up in advance on how to support her. A lot of men find it very hard coping with their wife being in so much pain and not being able to stop it.

    Although whatever you decide, things like that don't always go as planned, for example my friend where I used to live, her husband was adamant that he would not be present at the birth, and arranged for one of her female relatives or friends (I've forgotten who) to be there for her, but when the time came, at the last minute he changed his mind and not only stayed for the birth, but cut the umbilical cord too mashaAllah.

    My husband was with me for my daughter's birth, it was very traumatic for him (moreso than for me i think) because it all went wrong and ended in an emergency c-section, and women have a way of just blocking out the birth and getting over it immediately on seeing the baby, which men don't have. I'm very glad that he was there, because I was too weak to hold the baby for about two hours after she was born, had he not been there she would have spent two hours being cared for by medical staff - but instead it was her daddy holding her, he did the adhan in her ear, and after that he was holding her, speaking softly to her and reciting Qur'an to her mashaAllah. Alhamdulillah that he was there to do this mashaAllah.

    So for those fathers that are not planning on being in the delivery room, which is an understandable choice, I would recommend being shouting distance away, so that you can be with the baby as soon as he/she is born, especially if your wife isn't able to hold the baby straight away.
    Last edited by dhak1yya; 23-02-08 at 09:31 PM.





  4. #4
    Odan *asiya*'s Avatar
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    Re: Birth - Brothers' opinions wanted

    Quote Originally Posted by .: Anna :. View Post
    yeh thats what because u need someone to like stick up for u n make sure things r done properly, even just to stop like medical students wandering in or something... like it could happen n mayb wife is too much pain and stuff 2 really deal with those things right @ that time? if he is there he cn keep control of the situation
    Quote Originally Posted by MG View Post
    neither do i.



    all fathers should try and make sure they are present for the birth of their child, you would be surprised how many men think the wife is reading the latest magazine wen the baby comes into the world...

    P.S. and as sis Asiya said, nurses can turn into big bullies when your wife is giving birth she will need u to defend her!
    yep absolutely dont leave the poor woman alone with medical staff, they have acess to instruments of torture, a woman can be pinned down on the bed her legs strapped into stirrups and she can be strapped in to them legs 2 foot up in the air, her screams for mercy and pain relief being ignored for over two hours, while she goes blind and deaf with the pain of the monitor being attached to her babies head ( while its still in the womb which involves someone going in to attach them which is complete torture) and then theres the forceps... and she can go through all this with no covering her modesty, and people walking in and out, complete strangers walking past the open door in the corridor ,and in fact sometimes the medical staff will just stand there chatting and joking amongst themselves while the poor woman is just screaming and wishing for death to overtake her or wondering if shes already dead and in hell . dont ever leave ur wives alone in childbirth.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  5. #5
    Odan *asiya*'s Avatar
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    Re: Birth - Brothers' opinions wanted

    Quote Originally Posted by LiveIslam View Post
    i remember my aunty gave birth to a beautiful gal alhamduillah. and when she came back from the hospital my uncle told her to cook for him he was feeling hungry and this was 5 min after she got in the house, and me and my aunty look at him thinking 'what are you saying'. some men they need a lesson
    indeed they do, shame they dont follow the example of our beloved prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam, when aisha had some freinds over visiting them, the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam asked them if they would like something to eat... they were shy for the prophet salAllahu alleyi wa salam himself to make them something to eat , and so they said they werent hungry to which the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said "liars and hungry!!" dont combine lying with being hungry.

    yea some brothers have alot to learn, when they think they are above the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam himself and that they cannot cook and help around the house, and that they cannot do as the Aisha narrated the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam did, when she was asked what does he, salAllahu alleyhi wa salam do at home, and she said he would sew his own garments, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes." (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Saheeh al-Jaami', 4927).

    she also stated that:
    "He was like any other human being: he would clean his garments, milk his ewe and serve himself."
    (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671)

    Narrated Al-Aswad, I asked 'Aisha what did the Prophet use to do at home. She replied. "He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer." but some men, dont know how to be men these days. may Allah ta ala guide the men of this ummah to be true muslim men who follow the sunnah of the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam who did not have women to wait on him amin!
    Last edited by *asiya*; 23-10-07 at 09:28 AM.
    "O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that you do." [An-Nisa 4:135]

    The Prophet said:

    "Whosoever leaves off obedience and separates from the Jamaa'ah and dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah. Whoever fights under the banner of the blind, becoming angry for 'asabiyyah (nationalism/tribalism/partisanship) or calling to 'asabiyyah, or assisting 'asabiyyah, then dies, he dies a death of jaahiliyyah."

    muslim

    Narrated 'Abdullah:

    The Prophet, said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (evil doing) and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)." sahih bukhari


    "Creeping upon you is the diseases of those people before you: envy and hatred. And hatred is the thing that shaves. I do not say it shaves the hair but it shaves the religion!

    By the One in whose Hand is my soul, you will not enter paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Certainly, let me inform you of that which may establish such things: spread the greetings and peace among yourselves."

    [Recorded by Imam Ahmad and Al-Tirmidhi]


  6. #6
    Odan dhak1yya's Avatar
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    Re: Birth - Brothers' opinions wanted

    Quote Originally Posted by .: Anna :. View Post
    yes... its a personal choice between the two of them. if she dont want him then fine but if she really wants and he says no... it is quite harsh
    it would also be harsh if he wanted to be there and she didn't want him there. But I think where there is disagreement a good husband will overcome his difficulties and do what his wife wants in situations like these.

    Also there are good compromises... e.g. if she wants him there and he doesn't want to be there, he can arrange for a second birth partner, and be there for her, but also leave for a while if he wants, like if he thinks he might pass out or something, or stay outside mostly but come in if she calls him and also for the baby being actually born - which is just a small part at the end - the first stage in labour is way longer usually.

    if he wants to be there and she doesn't want him there, he could be just outside and go straight in just afterwards, and stay in close communication with her birth partner, e.g. she can talk to him througfh delivery room door or sommat





  7. #7
    ~**~**~**~**~**~ ze leetle elper's Avatar
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    Re: Birth - Brothers' opinions wanted

    Most likely when you wife goes into labour, she will be:

    a. In extreme agony and pain and will not be able to assert her rights and needs at the time
    b. Will not be veiled from any male staff that choose to walk in/ student nurses unless she requests it which she will not be able to do so if she is busy being in pain
    c. If something was to go wrong, she may not be able to assert what she wants/ understand fully thr implication of what is happening
    d. Will be very very tired and may feel that she cannot do it, therefore needing support and reassurance that she is doing great
    e. Will not be able to focus/ will lose focus on her breathing/ dhikr unless someone is there to help her see it through and remind her
    f. Will not be reciting adhaan in her childs ear, may not have the energy to hold her child after giving birth

    What is the reason for NOt being there? End of the day your loved one needs you so you need to swallow your fear and be with her.

    If your wife chooses for you not to be there, then that is a different matter, but I would still recommend you are nearby to hand because once she is in the throws of labour, she will realise it wasn't as easy/ straight forward etc as she thought and will most probably want you more than ever.

    You cannot compare to the Prophet (saw) times, back there were local women who were the midwifes/ nurses that the families knew/ trusted. Women had the privacy of their own homes. They were surrounded by Muslims who were aware of the hijab issues, of issues regarding focusing ones energy into the birth, of dhikr, of prayer.

    If you can find this on the NHS please let me know because I will register at that hospital tomorrow!
    Last edited by dhak1yya; 23-02-08 at 09:31 PM. Reason: removing comments aimed at a specific forum member
    What does 'freedom' mean?

    Does the eagle want to swim in the sea,
    Restricted by the sky?

    Does the fish want to dance on the wind,
    Not enough river to explore?

    Yet the sky is freedom for the bird
    but death for the fish,

    The sea is wide for the fish
    but will engulf the bird.

    We ask for freedom but freedom to do what?
    We can only express our nature as it was created.

    The prayer mat of the earth is freedom,
    freedom from slavery to other than the One,
    Who offers an shoreless ocean of love to swim in
    and a horizon that extends to the next life,
    Yet we chose the prison and call it freedom.

    “All our handling of the child will bear fruit, not only at the moment, but in the adult they are destined to become.” Donate today! http://campaign.justgiving.com/chari...iyahschool2015

  8. #8
    Odan dhak1yya's Avatar
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    Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by Arsalan View Post
    Why do women get PND, can it be stopped, or lessened???
    Post natal depression is a chemical imbalance - all of the suggestions below can help prevent it (and help stave it off in the early stages) but if someone does get it it doesn't mean they were not well supported or that their family could have done more. And if someone is well supported and has lots of help it doesn't mean you should not be concerned if they have symptoms of depression.

    what a husband can do inshaAllah:

    be as supportive as you can to your wife after she has babies. Help her with the housework or even better try to get someone else that can keep the house in order whilst the baby is very small

    If she had a difficult birth or a c-section, make sure she gets proper rest and time to recover.

    Make sure she gets plenty of sunlight, take her for walks in the park for example, if she had a c-section, you push the pram and take it slowly. When at home, make her keep the curtains open when its daylight outside. If its winter, be strict about having her get out every day whilst its light. The rest of the time she should rest and concentrate on breastfeeding.

    make sure she eats good healthy meals regularly, and plenty of healthy snacks and plenty of water so she can make lots of milk and also get enough nutrition herself. If that means you cooking or getting someone in to cook, or to prepare meals for you both and bring them round inshaAllah you should.

    Make sure she gets some exercise which is appropriate to her condition. Start with just walking, then pushing the pram and as she recovers from the birth inshaAllah she can get back into her previous exercise routine (or a better one!)

    Make sure she gets time to socialise with other women, especially other mothers - preferably Muslims! Be careful about inviting everyone round or having too many visits because she'll get tired, but try to ensure that she's socialising.

    Let her spend time with her mum, especially if mum is helping round the house and with the baby too. Mums are an invaluable source of advice and support when you have a baby cause they've been there and done that and can tell you you did the same when you were a baby lol.

    Spend lots of time just the two of you and the baby, just being parents. Its very hard work, but its also enjoyable and you should enjoy it together inshaAllah, like cooing at the baby together.

    Try to do some of the night time things for her, e.g. changing nappies. If she's breastfeeding you can't really help her with this but you can give her a hug so she knows your're there and you appreciate her, you can give her cushions to make sure she's comfortable and maybe put a blanket round her shoulders to make sure she's not cold. And very importantly make sure she has enough water as breastfeeding makes you very thirsty. If she wants to express some milk into a bottle, you could do one of the night feeds whilst she catches up on sleep inshaAllah.

    If you are worried that she is always down, crying a lot, doesn't seem to be enjoying being a mum, is always scared for the baby (all new mums are anxious about the baby, but if it seems like much more fear and anxiety than normal) contact your GP or health visitor to have a chat with your wife, they can see if she's actualy depressed or not, or just tired and hormonal. InshaAllah if she does get depression its best to nip it in the bud. If you suspect your wife is becoming depressed, don't just wait and see, chat with the health visitor. They're trained to help inshaAllah.
    Last edited by dhak1yya; 23-02-08 at 09:32 PM.





  9. #9
    Pray for Guidance........ Useless_Slave_of_Allah's Avatar
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    Re: Post natal depression

    JazaakAllah for those that contributed to this thread.

    It was very helpful information Alhamdulillah.
    U WANNA DIE AS A MUSLIM, BUT U DON'T WANNA LIVE AS ONE ???
    IT IS WISE TO FOLLOW SOMEBODY THAT KNOWS THE WAY........
    ........... THE WAY TO JANNAH IS TO FOLLOW THE SUNNAH.

    -- ISLAM ISN'T JUST A RELIGION, IT'S A WAY OF LIFE --

    LIFE IS FRAGILE, HANDLE WITH PRAYER.

  10. #10
    In Dubai bint's Avatar
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    Re: Post natal depression

    is it normal for a new mum to be emotional and depressed?
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

  11. #11
    Account Disabled Medievalist's Avatar
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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by bint View Post
    is it normal for a new mum to be emotional and depressed?
    bit in bold should read "woman"

    **roll eyes**

    answer is YES, in case you didnt knw. **outta**
    Rajab is a month of cultivation, Shaban is month of irrigating the fields, and the month of Ramadhan is a month of reaping and harvesting.”

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    Odan MG's Avatar
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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by bint View Post
    is it normal for a new mum to be emotional and depressed?
    yes it is but for some it can be more serious than others ?
    The Prophet SAW said, "(There are2words which R dear 2 the most gracious (Allah SWT)&very easy4the tongue2say but very heavy in the balance.They are:Subhan Allahi Wa Bihamdihi - Subhan Allahil-Azim

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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by bint View Post
    is it normal for a new mum to be emotional and depressed?
    depends like how depressed :s but emotional yeh
    .: Rufaida :.
    .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by Medievalist View Post
    bit in bold should read "woman"

    **roll eyes**

    answer is YES, in case you didnt knw. **outta**
    no i didnt know thanx for tellin me
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by MG View Post
    yes it is but for some it can be more serious than others ?
    yeah..ure ryt i guess.

    anna i mean when u feel alone and like she feels shes grown up too early or or u know baby a huge responsibilty..baby blues aint it? and they cry cry n cry. what to do?
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

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    *bıɟɐɹɯıɯɐʇpɐʎızɯɯn* .: Anna :.'s Avatar
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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by bint View Post
    yeah..ure ryt i guess.

    anna i mean when u feel alone and like she feels shes grown up too early or or u know baby a huge responsibilty..baby blues aint it? and they cry cry n cry. what to do?
    i thnk baby blues is supposed to be like wen the milk comes in, cos of hormones
    how old is she then if feels grown up to early is she quite young? mayb needs more family support. if its ur friend then insha allah jst keep going round to check how she is doing, help her out... like mayb jst hold the baby so she can sleep for a bit it might help?
    mayb she jst bit overwhelmed and once she starts getting in bit more routine & things her feelings wil settle down insha allah?
    .: Rufaida :.
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    Re: Post natal depression

    hmm. another slightly off question - is it normal to feel 'down' and emotional during pregnancy? and does it go one for teh whole 9 months?
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

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    Re: Post natal depression

    well as well as postnatal depression there is an antenatal depression, so if really serious it could be that

    but if its just like extra emotional its normal, preg ladies cry for anything
    .: Rufaida :.
    .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
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    “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by .: Anna :. View Post
    well as well as postnatal depression there is an antenatal depression, so if really serious it could be that

    but if its just like extra emotional its normal, preg ladies cry for anything
    even for ben & jerrys cookies icecream?!

    does tha realy happen
    “The great Imam ash-Shafi’, he went to his teacher Waki`
    Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
    He told him, ‘abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
    And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.”

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    Re: Post natal depression

    mayb for some ppl lol
    .: Rufaida :.
    .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.
    http://s61.photobucket.com/albums/h6...th_Silence.jpg
    “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
    but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by .: Anna :. View Post
    well as well as postnatal depression there is an antenatal depression, so if really serious it could be that

    but if its just like extra emotional its normal, preg ladies cry for anything
    how true is that??

    My sis is due in 4 months now insha'Allah and shes just comes round and starts crying over stuff she wouldnt at before.
    Im like. fix up woman .
    "If I was going to meet my new wedded wife on my wedding night, or you would give me news I had a new born son. It would not give me the same satisfaction as sitting in a tent on a cold night thinking of tactics on how to ambush my enemy."
    Khalid ibn al-Waleed.

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    Well... No 1.... a child is a blessing Mashallah so a father should realize the immense role he has taken upon to raise child and love his wife.
    in order to help his wife he can do as much as possible.
    Physically... do house work, cook, clean and do all the pysical jobs as her body is in pain and lacks energy as well as needing rest. Rub her feet and give her hugs. make her feel so special and proud of her that she has mashallah had a child.

    Mentally.. Talk to her and ask her how she is. remember menatlly a women needs to be satisfied in nowing that she is loved and cared for.. dont let her stress cause all women do... talking to a women and mentally really making her feel safe and happy is a major need.

    spiritually... Give her Time... Time is very important. people forget life is not all about money. its about spending time with loved ones. she needs you most right now, so give her time. read dua 2gva. pray by talking and acknow how blessed you are to have a child.

    most of all just love, care, affection and taking care of her. shockingly this is so majorly important, but most men do not actually realize how imp it is. to hsow her u love and care for her is major, flowers chocs. hugs and making her tea.... the wonders of a husbannnd....x

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    just read comments on depression...post natal... its not a joke... its a serious condition that can reallly harm a women in so many ways... she needs support love and care... her crying is not something that shd be laughed at....

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    Assalamualikum,

    I am really impressed with the simple things you have mentioned. These have a major influence in maintaining healthy relation. But it is sad that its not usually practised.

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    I feel most of the things mentioned here should otherwise be done by a Husband in routine life as well.
    Any one who has love for his wife and bit of feeling in him would care, and care is what all is needed in such situation, as most of the pains are by nature to be taken by the mother.
    If you are a team, you need to work like a team.
    Since I would be at work during the day, at night, I would let my wife sleep at a stretch for few hours and take care of our newly born children during those hours. This would give her some respite as the new born need almost 24 hours attention without break.
    Another aspect is the happiness which comes with a child. If that happiness is evident in the husband, the wife also starts taking pride in taking pains to look after the young ones.
    I fee much of it has also to do with cultures. I our culture, where we have family life, my mother, sisters and every one comes over to look after and its like a family baby instead of her baby alone.

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    This post contains the most important piece of information. Every parents should read this especially every father should read this.

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    Yes, most of things mentioned here are actually a part of husbands duties in normal routine life. Unfortunately most husbands don't fulfill their basic duties at home while they expect wife to fulfill hers. Allah is just and shall view all justly. Just because husband is given one level higher in terms of finances and guarding the family as a leader, it doesn't mean he is above law.
    Online Quran Classes from Al Madinah Al Munawwara | Islamic Knowledge | Islamic Channel

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    Beautiful thread mashaAllah jazakum Allahu khairan
    أم حسبتم أن تدخلوا الجنة ولما يعلم الله الذين جاهدوا منكم ويعلم الصابرين

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    that's really good advice married couples looking forward together to their child. i think another thing is, he shouldn't feel offended if his the pregnant other is wanting to stay with her mother in the early stages etc, as it's such an intimate thing and the girl would feel more comfortable talking to her mother about this for female advice.

    also, the likely chances of the experiences of her mother being similar to what her daughter experiences is very high and is the best person to consult after the father of the baby.

    it doesn't mean she doesn't think highly of his mother, it's just as he reasons given above. her hormones are all over the place, so he needs to be patient too.
    DO NOT PRIVATE MESSAGE IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

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    Re: Post natal depression

    Quote Originally Posted by .: Anna :. View Post
    well as well as postnatal depression there is an antenatal depression, so if really serious it could be that

    but if its just like extra emotional its normal, preg ladies cry for anything
    freaky stuff:

    A mother who suffered postnatal depression has admitted killing her two children at their home.

    Felicia Boots, 35, killed Lily Boots, aged 14 months, and her 10-week-old brother Mason in Wandsworth, south-west London, in May.

    Her manslaughter plea on the grounds of diminished responsibility was accepted by the prosecution at the Old Bailey, and murder charges were dropped.

    She was ordered to be detained at a psychiatric hospital.

    The judge, Mr Justice Fulford, said the case was indescribably sad and what she did was a result of psychological forces beyond her control.

    A preliminary inquest hearing found the two children had been suffocated.

    Her husband Jeff found the children lying side by side on the floor of a walk-in wardrobe when he arrived home on 9 May. She had also tried to kill herself.

    'Good mum'

    Boots, who was in court to enter her plea, gave a note to her counsel Kate Bex to read.

    Continue reading the main story
    Analysis
    Michelle Roberts

    Health editor, BBC News online

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Many women are tearful and have mood changes shortly after birth - the so-called "baby blues". These normally go within a few weeks.

    Postnatal depression is different.

    It's a specific type of depression that some women (and men) experience after they have had a baby.

    It usually develops in the first four to six weeks after childbirth, triggered by a number of factors including the stress of looking after a newborn baby.

    Unlike the "baby blues", the symptoms of tiredness and low mood persist for months if left untreated and in a minority of cases can become a long-term problem.

    Some women who have postnatal depression get thoughts about harming their baby. This is quite common, affecting around half of all women with the condition.

    But it is very rare that these feelings are acted upon.

    It is important to recognise signs of postnatal depression as early as possible and seek professional advice.

    Treatments that help include antidepressant medication as well as talking therapies, support and advice.

    Postnatal depression: The Royal College of Psychiatrists

    Postnatal Depression
    It said: "May 9, 2012 is a day I will be eternally sorry for. It should never have happened.

    "It troubles me more than anyone will ever know. Part of me will always be missing.

    "I am a good person. I am a good mum and I never meant any of this to happen.

    "I am truly sorry."

    'Tragic case'

    The court heard Boots had been detained at a psychiatric unit since the deaths and the prosecution's decision followed consideration of doctors' reports.

    The couple had moved to the UK in the past few years from Canada.

    The court was told that Boots suffered postnatal depression following the births of both children, but appeared to be getting better.

    She had been prescribed anti-depressants but had not been taking them after becoming convinced the babies would be taken away from her because of the effects of the drugs on her breast milk.

    Edward Brown QC, prosecuting, told the court the Crown had closely examined the medical evidence and spoken to Boots' husband, who was in court.

    "This plainly is a tragic case," he said

    "There were signs Mrs Boots had made an attempt on her own life. She had marks to her neck."

    -bbc
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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    Quote Originally Posted by bella786 View Post
    just read comments on depression...post natal... its not a joke... its a serious condition that can reallly harm a women in so many ways... she needs support love and care... her crying is not something that shd be laughed at....

    EXACTLY!! unfortunately men dont understand this...reading the above post has made me think maybe Im also suffering from postnatal depression...I had my baby a couple of weeks ago and
    apart from looking after him, a toddler and 3 other kids...my husband is leaving me for nrly two months to visit family abroad......!!

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    Member *KNX*'s Avatar
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    Re: Post natal depression

    Excellent threat.


    Quote Originally Posted by bint View Post
    is it normal for a new mum to be emotional and depressed?
    Yes, yes and yes! You will find that most women who have just given birth will be emotional & depressed. This is called baby blues. Women will cry and get emotional for few days or few weeks but then she'll be back to her usual self. This is common and normal.

    BUT if you noticed she is still depressed for long period of time then she may suffer post natal depression. Seek medical help.

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    Re: Birth - Brothers' opinions wanted

    Pregnant women are going through drastic changes both physically and mentally, husbands should pay extra care and attention to help their wives through this exhausting yet sweet experience!

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    Re: Things new fathers can do to help their wives when they have a baby

    thats really amazing

 

 

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