Would you marry a divorcee?

[(*_Hamzah]

As'ssalaam alaikum

Would you marry a divorcee?

Why is their such a stigma attached to marrying a women who is divorced or has been previously married?

[sunrise]

i made a thread like this if you are interested

answer is yes why not

[bint]

Nah don't wanna answer this because, it's all fate huh?

[(*_Hamzah]

i made a thread like this if you are interested

answer is yes why not

Oh dear, your quick, I’m sure people will know what I mean, let me see your thread please, but with the marriage section old topics have a habit of being brought back to the agenda.

[MMS]

i made a thread like this if you are interested

answer is yes why not

lol i think everybody's made a thread like this

[Pippin1376]

Yes because being a divorcee shouldn't matter.

[*asiya*]

well in Islam marriage to a divorcee is not an issue at all, but culturally some muslims still have an issue with it because they are following the ways of their old colonial christian "masters" and running down the lizard holes after them, just as the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam said they would..take a look at this and it could be from the mouth of some muslims with these sort of ideas. They forget we have a whole chapter of the Quran dedicated to divorce and that the prophet salAllahu alleyhi wa salam himself married zaynab who was previously divorced.



Divorce and the Reformation

Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn, his second wife
Until the 16th century CE, the Church in England recognised the Pope's authority. However, when Catherine of Aragon failed to produce a male heir for Henry VIII, and was considered too old to give birth to any more children, Henry wanted to divorce her. The Pope refused permission and so the only way for Henry to get what he wanted was to break away from the Vatican and make divorce legal. The Archbishop of Canterbury granted Henry a divorce in 1533 (under pressure) and Henry made himself head of the Church of England.

By allowing himself to remarry, Henry made the same thing possible for his subjects. But just because remarriage is legally allowed, that doesn't mean couples have an automatic right to remarry in church.

The Church of England's position on remarriage

Remarriage is always allowed if the couple's former spouses are dead. The matter becomes more complicated if one or both of the exes is still living.

The Church has had a clear stance on the subject of a Christian remarriage since the General Synod meeting of 2002. In a vote concerning marriage after divorce, the outcome was 269 votes to 83 in support of change.

The Church of England teaches that marriage is for life. It also recognizes that some marriages sadly do fail and, if this should happen, it seeks to be available for all involved. The Church accepts that, in exceptional circumstances, a divorced person may marry again in church during the lifetime of a former spouse.

General Synod, 2002

Under civil law, clergy have the capacity to marry any two people (as long as the couple can legally marry). The Church advises clergy to think carefully before remarrying couples and to ask them questions to find out how committed they are. The final decision rests with the clergy member.

The Church's suggested questions concentrate on the intentions of the couple and whether allowing the remarriage would be harmful to anybody involved:

Does the couple understand that divorce is a breach of God's will for marriage?
Do they have a determination for the new marriage to be a life-long faithful partnership?
Do they seem willing to explore and grow in the Christian faith?
Has enough time passed since the divorce for everyone to have recovered, and are there complicating factors from previous marriages (court proceedings or child support payments, for example)?
Has either of the parties been divorced more than once?
Was their relationship a direct cause of the breakdown of a previous marriage?

any of that sound familiar

[neelu]

I think if I were to meet someone I felt compatible with, then I'd consider marrying him even if he were a divorcee but my parents would go nuts over it- then I'd have that other problem of getting the consent of a mahram... So if that were to happen, does a sister marry the guy anyway because her parents reasons for turning him down are unIslamic or does she stick with what her parents want because the consent of the wali takes priority (btw none of the other mahram relatives would ever make a decision against the father so she can't turn to them either)?

For me it's a hyperthetical scenario but it is something I've thought about because I've come across difference of opinion on this issue from various practising Muslims using differing evidences. Some say that the marriage is invalid without the consent of the father (or other mahram relative) and the only occassion in which a woman can appoint a wali is if she has no mahram relatives or if she is a convert and her mahram relatives are kufaar- other than that she must have the consent of a Muslim mahram relative even if he is jahil and his reason for turning down the rishta is unIslamic. The other opinion I came across is that as long as the two people are compatible in terms of piety, then if a Muslim mahram disagrees with the marriage for jahil reasons, the woman can still appoint an Imam or other trusted Muslim as a wali because the mahram can be deemed as unsuitable as a wali because his views are unIslamic. Obviously if the mahram disagrees with the rishta for Islamic reasons then the woman should accept his decision and not seek loopholes but that's not at all what I'm referring to here I'd like to hear what people have to say on that because I think it's closely connected to this topic.

[sunrise]

my thread:

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106696

[mizfissy815]

Generally, yes I would.

Unless the previous divorce had something to do with the fact that his ex-wife didn't iron one of his shirts the way he wanted or something as futile as that...

[Umm Yusef]

Yes. Because our Prophet SAWS also married women that had been married previously. And if it was good enough for him it should be good enough for all of us

[Sabz42]

no i wudnt..y? because if i havnt been married myself i wudnt like to b some1 who been dwn the road b4r.. i wudnt c it bein equal

[beamz]

I don't see why not, so my answer is yes if i were a man, but i'm not. On the other hand being a girl i wouldnt marry a gent who has been married, no way.

[Hayaat]

No problem, divorced or with kids i wouldn't mind as long as the person is the right one for me and my parents of approve of him.

[Pro_Candy]

I would. Everyone makes mistakes, and most people learn from them. Besides, divorcees are people, too.

[(*_Hamzah]

Yes. Because our Prophet SAWS also married women that had been married previously. And if it was good enough for him it should be good enough for all of us

That is true, in fact all of the Prophet wives with the expection of Aisyah ra where all previously married

[Lord Summerisle]

As'ssalaam alaikum

Would you marry a divorcee?

Why is their such a stigma attached to marrying a women who is divorced or has been previously married?

I didn't realise there was a stigma. Do you believe there is a stigma, Hamzah?

Of course I would be prepared to marry a divorcee-what good reason is there not to!?

[(*_Hamzah]

I didn't realise there was a stigma. Do you believe there is a stigma, Hamzah?

Of course I would be prepared to marry a divorcee-what good reason is there not to!?

You live in a world where by day it is calm and in the night the minions come out to feed on flesh, where space travel is possible in a phone box, where by it is impossible for a non-white ethnic tribe to experience racism from others- he answer to your question is some people prejudices against people who have been previously married – it existed thousands of years ago and nothing has changed in 21st century

[carol_au]

I would. Everyone makes mistakes, and most people learn from them. Besides, divorcees are people, too.

yes.. and please also remember everyone .. divorce doesnot have to be about mistakes either.. subhanAllah.. there can be many reasons for a divorce and it maybe that there are very good reasons for it Islamically .. so please dont judge someone or dismiss them as a potential spouse without knowing their story first insha'Allah

[(*_Hamzah]

yes.. and please also remember everyone .. divorce doesnot have to be about mistakes either.. subhanAllah.. there can be many reasons for a divorce and it maybe that there are very good reasons for it Islamically .. so please dont judge someone or dismiss them as a potential spouse without knowing their story first insha'Allah

You know sis, the point of this subject is, whether we admit it or subconsciously hide it , there is a stigma attached to it. I personally know of elderly folks, who are on their own because they couldn’t find another partner, this wasn’t a new trend and she tell’s this was how it was in the olden days . The pagan Arabs use to lock women up for a year the house because she was divorced- in same way to quarantine her, but these social and cultural ills have no place in our deen, the Prophet didn’t have any qualms with it- and that is our source of moral guidance

[carol_au]

You know sis, the point of this subject is, whether we admit it or subconsciously hide it , there is a stigma attached to it. I personally know of elderly folks, who are on their own because they couldn’t find another partner, this wasn’t a new trend and she tell’s this was how it was in the olden days . The pagan Arabs use to lock women up for a year the house because she was divorced- in same way to quarantine her, but these social and cultural ills have no place in our deen, the Prophet didn’t have any qualms with it- and that is our source of moral guidance

akhi.. alhumdulillah

That is exactly the reason I posted what I did.. i know many sisters who are divorced through no fault of their own..but islamically deserve better husbands as they are beautiful practicing sisters .. at the time of the Prophet there was no stigma involved. If a sister needed a husband the community helped find one for her

We are attaching stigma to divorce because it's not the pagan arabs anymore but it is within ourselves .. and threads like this alhumdulillah bring it out into the open for discussion ..

jazak Allah khair

[MFT]

why not? Are they less than a human?

[Lord Summerisle]

You live in a world where by day it is calm and in the night the minions come out to feed on flesh, where space travel is possible in a phone box, where by it is impossible for a non-white ethnic tribe to experience racism from others- he answer to your question is some people prejudices against people who have been previously married – it existed thousands of years ago and nothing has changed in 21st century

'Where minions come out to feed on flesh'!?

You must live on some rough estate, Hamzah!

And as for the comment about 'non white ethnic tribe to experience racism from other'...it cuts both ways. Remember the recent article about the group of asians who beat the white kid to death. It was posted here. Plus, ever visit Oldham? I wouldn't bother if you haven't. The point is, there are as many racist attacks by asians on white as there are white on asian. Please adjust your tinted perspective.

[(*_Hamzah]

'Where minions come out to feed on flesh'!?

You must live on some rough estate, Hamzah!

And as for the comment about 'non white ethnic tribe to experience racism from other'...it cuts both ways. Remember the recent article about the group of asians who beat the white kid to death. It was posted here. Plus, ever visit Oldham? I wouldn't bother if you haven't. The point is, there are as many racist attacks by asians on white as there are white on asian. Please adjust your tinted perspective.

It was more peaceful then your beloved moss side

Yes, I’ve been Oldham I have family there in fact I was born out of the UK and in the North East, we already had this discussion before and If I recall in the words of Yurt "you got owned", me old mucker. It does work both ways now, whereas before the lashing was in one directions, call it an eye for an eye or getting some of your own medicine it doesn’t justify it, but it the result of ones own environment, Welcome to Racist Britain, and I’m not just speaking about on the streets it even in the work places to!

[Saudi Prince]

I don't see why not, so my answer is yes if i were a man, but i'm not. On the other hand being a girl i wouldnt marry a gent who has been married, no way.

hah! You don't see why not when it it serves your interest but when it doesn't (although it does for another brother) you don't care!

[Pro_Candy]

yes.. and please also remember everyone .. divorce doesnot have to be about mistakes either.. subhanAllah.. there can be many reasons for a divorce and it maybe that there are very good reasons for it Islamically .. so please dont judge someone or dismiss them as a potential spouse without knowing their story first insha'Allah

Did I judge anyone, or dismiss anyone as a potential spouse? I'm a divorced woman. I've made my own mistakes. I think I'd be the last one to judge someone-my ex was divorced when I married him.

Anyway, marriage isn't disposable. There is rarely a 'good' reason behind a divorce. A marriage that ends in divorce was usually a mistake in the first place.

[carol_au]

Did I judge anyone, or dismiss anyone as a potential spouse? I'm a divorced woman. I've made my own mistakes. I think I'd be the last one to judge someone-my ex was divorced when I married him.

Anyway, marriage isn't disposable. There is rarely a 'good' reason behind a divorce. A marriage that ends in divorce was usually a mistake in the first place.

Sorry sis, i wasn't referring to your comment negatively just agreeing to and adding to it.. I realise it did appear that way but it was never intended to..

There are situations where there was not a mistake made.. just a change of circumstance that leads to marriage having to be dissolved.

One specific example I am thinking of are revert sisters who leave their non muslim husbands. I would personally not call the marriages a mistake at the time that marriage took place.. just that Allah guides who He wills and circumstances do change.

[WahYaLookin'At?]

No I wouldn't, Which is really cruel I know, But I don't think I can live with a person that is 'second hand',

I duno.. I don't quite have a valid enough reason to say 'No' but that would be my honest answer,

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

[*asiya*]

No I wouldn't, Which is really cruel I know, But I don't think I can live with a person that is 'second hand',

I duno.. I don't quite have a valid enough reason to say 'No' but that would be my honest answer,

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

lets hope u never get divorced then insha Allah, or you wont be able to marry again because u wont be worthy because you`ll be "second hand" too ..

[MMS]

No I wouldn't, Which is really cruel I know, But I don't think I can live with a person that is 'second hand',

I duno.. I don't quite have a valid enough reason to say 'No' but that would be my honest answer,

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

did you use ur brain before u typed that

[~Unity~]

No I wouldn't, Which is really cruel I know, But I don't think I can live with a person that is 'second hand',

Second hand?

[WahYaLookin'At?]

lets hope u never get divorced then insha Allah, or you wont be able to marry again because u wont be worthy because you`ll be "second hand" too ..

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

Ouch!

[WahYaLookin'At?]

did you use ur brain before u typed that

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

*smaks head on the wall* what brain? Lol, Oops, I totally take that back,



but I really wouldn't.

[WahYaLookin'At?]

Second hand?

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

*rubs eyes* *scratches head* seriously what's wrong with the world? Quit picking on me Lol!

[Joha]

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

*rubs eyes* *scratches head* seriously what's wrong with the world? Quit picking on me Lol!

There's nothing to pick from that brain of yours is there?

As for the q, it wouldn't make a jot of difference. But people have personal, if irrational, and inanely pathetic preferences.

[neelu]

As for the q, it wouldn't make a jot of difference. But people have personal, if irrational, and inanely pathetic preferences.

I agree with you and with Asiya's post on this one- but at least the person was being honest. I think for every person who voices an irrational opinion on here, there are several others who silently agree but don't post because they know what reaction they'll get.

[MG]

I agree with you and with Asiya's post on this one- but at least the person was being honest. I think for every person who voices an irrational opinion on here, there are several others who silently agree but don't post because they know what reaction they'll get.

if honesty means insulting a whole section of people then people like that can keep it to themselves.

Alot of people are rude,arrogant and insulting these days and justify it by the fact that they are jus being "honest" , there are ways to get your opinion across and u dont have to insult people by doing so.

[Maureen]

Did I judge anyone, or dismiss anyone as a potential spouse? I'm a divorced woman. I've made my own mistakes. I think I'd be the last one to judge someone-my ex was divorced when I married him.

Anyway, marriage isn't disposable. There is rarely a 'good' reason behind a divorce. A marriage that ends in divorce was usually a mistake in the first place.

You are right, and it stands to reason that a divorcee may meet the right spouse on the second time round, and have a very happy life.

[imran1976]

pasand A'ney ki baat hai~ why not!

a couple of weeks back my cousin married a divorcee, it was his decision so no problems. But the thing i liked about him is that he made very clear to his mom that if any of the relatives interfere or taunt at him or his wife, he will be very severe to them~ Brave Boy

[MG]

pasand A'ney ki baat hai~ why not!

a couple of weeks back my cousin married a divorcee, it was his decision so no problems. But the thing i liked about him is that he made very clear to his mom that if any of the relatives interfere or taunt at him or his wife, he will be very severe to them~ Brave Boy

mashallah, now how cool is that