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  1. #1
    'mali wa mali Dunya' uhkt_al'muminun's Avatar
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    Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    'Abd al-Malik said: "When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother
    Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:


    `O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

    `O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

    `O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

    `Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder
    for you.


    `The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.

    `The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

    `The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

    `The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

    `The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

    `Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.


    `Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him asmuch as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship andconversation.

    `Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) choose what is best for you and protect you.'"
    She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him
    .
    Last edited by uhkt_al'muminun; 21-10-07 at 12:39 AM.
    Allaahumma A'izza al-Islaam wa A'izza al-Muslimeen

  2. #41
    *bıɟɐɹɯıɯɐʇpɐʎızɯɯn* .: Anna :.'s Avatar
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslimah Wifey View Post
    SALAAM ANNA!

    So nice of you to ask about me... When I used to post a lot it was summer and I had no school. Now that I am back in school I have less time for Ummah but I def try to pop in when I have time!!!

    Everything is great alhamdulilah n hope everything is great with u 2!!
    yep alhamdulillah everything fine with me glad ur doing good
    .: Rufaida :.
    .:Fa Firroo Ila-llaah:.

    “People praise you for what they suppose is in you,
    but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you.”
    ~ Ibn Atallah


  3. #42
    This too shall pass... miss-islamic's Avatar
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    The problem is that articles about advice to women, being an ideal wife e.t.c is there but its very rare toward men. This is especially important when its often men who cause the major problem in marriage. I mean how many case have you heard of women physically abusing their husbands compared to men cases? Cheating on them? Abandoning them?And what with the misogyny rants of some Muslim husbands using hadeeths to their wives?

    No wait I found an article that has advice for husbands from a pretty popular Islamic site;


    ADVICE OF WISDOM FOR HUSBANDS

    - Never hand your pay-packet to your wife.

    - Never introduce your wife into your business

    - Never inform her of the amount you earn

    - Never inform her of what you spend on your parents and other needy relatives

    - Never make it an obligation on you to take her out every weekend for a drive, etc.

    A man should treat his wife kindly and justly. Spend on her lavishly within your means. Do not be miserly. Buy her gifts. Tolerate her indiscretion and nonsense. Assist her in the home. Do not impose your worldly desires o*n her. Do not regard her as your maid. Provide a maid for her if you can afford. But, never break the ‘NEVER’ rules enumerated above. Remember that most wives are extremely spiteful. From the very first day of their arrival they cherish an inveterate dislike for their in-laws. They conspire to dominate their husbands and will plot to sever his ties from his parents and other relatives. A man must not destroy his Imaan by abandoning his parents at the evil behest of his wife. A man will remain independent and will be able to freely engage in acts of Sadqah(charity) and Silah Rahmi (Kindness to relatives) as long as he does not introduce his wife into his business affairs. A wife craves the inordinate desire that her husband must spend every cent he earns o*n her and her children. Most wives abhor that their husbands spend on their needy relatives —parents, brothers, sisters, etc. Marriage does not and cannot extinguish the Huqooq which a man has to fulfil towards relatives and the community.




    Originally Posted by Muslimah Wifey
    On our wedding night our parents (his and mine) sat us down together with the same advice and that was:
    Your marriage is like a thin thread being linked between you two. If the wife is upset one day and pulls from her end of the thread, the husband must be lenient and give her some slack to pull. And if the husband one day pulls from his side of the thread, the wife must be lenient and go with him. If both husband and wife pull on the thread at the same time, the thread will break.


    Now that is good advice. My parents have said this before and I see them practice it sometimes. lol.
    "Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them...he cried, "Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them?"...God said, "I did do something. I made you."" -- Sufi Teaching

  4. #43
    Account Disabled, mm'kay? afsalim's Avatar
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    Quote Originally Posted by miss-islamic View Post

    - Never hand your pay-packet to your wife.

    - Never introduce your wife into your business

    - Never inform her of the amount you earn

    - Never inform her of what you spend on your parents and other needy relatives

    - Never make it an obligation on you to take her out every weekend for a drive, etc.
    In other words leave your wife out of everything. I am a man, even I find that to be injustice towards women.

  5. #44
    This too shall pass... miss-islamic's Avatar
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    ^Women are a 'necessary evil' is the philosophy.
    There are Muslims - religious ones - who are cool with it though.
    "Past the seeker as he prayed came the crippled and the beggar and the beaten. And seeing them...he cried, "Great God, how is it that a loving creator can see such things and yet do nothing about them?"...God said, "I did do something. I made you."" -- Sufi Teaching

  6. #45
    Allaahu Musta'an Z-Blade's Avatar
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    Quote Originally Posted by miss-islamic View Post
    ^Women are a 'necessary evil' is the philosophy.
    There are Muslims - religious ones - who are cool with it though.
    ,

    LoL, if I get married inshaAllah, I would think my wife would be more trustworthy than that article cares to mention. Some strange advice yet again .

    Wassalam.
    "How often it is that a small action is made great by its intention, and a great action is made small by its intention." [Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak]


    The Messenger of Allah raised us, And with Islam gave us life,
    And taught us to become... aides to the religion of Allah
    We became united by the light of his guidance, As brethren and like relatives
    And he watered our souls every time... we were thirsty for faith.
    Rasul Allah Nasheed by Abu Ali

  7. #46
    'mali wa mali Dunya' uhkt_al'muminun's Avatar
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    Quote Originally Posted by umm_yusuf View Post
    YA ukhti I thought that was BEYOOOOOTIFUL advice. May Allah reward you.
    Ameeeeen! (day ameen ppl )

    Quote Originally Posted by Medievalist View Post
    Bakh Bakh!!

    Bark'Allahufeek

    Quote Originally Posted by Muslimah Wifey View Post
    On our wedding night our parents (his and mine) sat us down together with the same advice and that was:

    Your marriage is like a thin thread being linked between you two. If the wife is upset one day and pulls from her end of the thread, the husband must be lenient and give her some slack to pull. And if the husband one day pulls from his side of the thread, the wife must be lenient and go with him. If both husband and wife pull on the thread at the same time, the thread will break.
    Mash'Alah Tabrak'Allah how beautiful, shukran for sharing it ukhty May Allah reward you. Ameen.
    Allaahumma A'izza al-Islaam wa A'izza al-Muslimeen

  8. #47

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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    Quote Originally Posted by umm shuyookh View Post
    she was given the best advice anyone who wants to stay happily married can get. why not lets encourage brides or already married sisters follow this advice and lets see if the divorce rates will not drop.
    Hey ! this advice was given by the bride's mother, who was the wife of some leader of the jaahilyah... so, it's probably all wrong ...

  9. #48
    Odan lowering wings's Avatar
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    Quote Originally Posted by uhkt_al'muminun View Post
    'Abd al-Malik said: "When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother
    Umamah came in to her, to advise her, and said:


    `O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

    `O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.

    `O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

    `Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder
    for you.


    `The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.

    `The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

    `The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.

    `The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.

    `The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

    `Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.


    `Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him asmuch as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship andconversation.

    `Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta'ala) choose what is best for you and protect you.'"
    She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings who ruled after him
    .


    i agree with all that. but at the same time i think the passage should be rewritten so thats its advising husbands/men. (vice versa)

    if not then its way too unfair!


    What kinda advice is that? Is she getting married or being sold off to a slave master
    i would have to agree with that

  10. #49
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    Re: Advice From A Mother To Her Daughter On Her Wedding Day

    i dont agree with that post from miss_islamic.....coz i no a wife, especially a practising muslim wife would want to know what her husband is up to, whether its work or whats goin on in his head n heart, she would want him to share his thoughts n feelings, not for him to assume that shes evil n she hates his family, how can she even hate his family when one day she knows that she will be a mother-in-law n wudnt want in-laws treating her in that way...that post just contradicts islamic teachings n nothing to do with sunnah whatsoever....


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