Marriage And Language

[ur_yusra]

:

Suppose you marry someone who speaks another language as you..

And you yourself have a mother tongue you're quite fond of and would like your children to at least be familiar with it..

Is it tolerable then for your husband to say your language is banned from the house.. and you are not speaking it in front of any potential children.. while the language he speaks is perfectly ok?

What does it say about the person?

[Nawar]

What exactly do you mean? If the husband and wife mutually come to an agreement on the language they want to adopt for the house, thats considerate and different. But what kind of loser 'bans' a language from a house

and why cant they have both

[alialiyan]

thats not right....the more they now the better.

my moms a pathan and dad a kashmiri....and i speak english, urdu but my mom ever thaught us pushto and i wish she had tought us it. She looks after my son while i work and when he was a baby i askd her to teach him but I think she was being lazy and didnt but cuz we speak english at home my son only speaks english and can only understand urdu.

[ibn suleman]

why wud he wanna ban a language?

[ur_yusra]

why wud he wanna ban a language?

Maybe he just doesn't like it?

[puella]

errr yusra hun...whats with all the marraige threads babe?

[Nusayba]

No, thats not tolerable sis.

Besides you might want to tell that person that the propehet (saw) encouraged the believers to learn as many languages as possible. It's part of the sunnah to learn languages, so that we can understand the languages of our enemies if need be.

[ur_yusra]

errr yusra hun...whats with all the marraige threads babe?

What do you mean all the marriage threads?

No, thats not tolerable sis.

Besides you might want to tell that person that the propehet (saw) encouraged the believers to learn as many languages as possible. It's part of the sunnah to learn languages, so that we can understand the languages of our enemies if need be.

Alhumdulillah

[Cashew]

How can someone "not like" a language?

It's not as though the mother wants to teach the kids to bark like dogs.

[ibn suleman]

Maybe he just doesn't like it?

hmmm is txt messaging language a language?

cos if he wants to ban that then i agree

[neelu]

But what kind of loser 'bans' a language from a house

My (to be ex) sister in law is that kind of loser She neither let my family speak Urdu in front of the kids nor let her own parents speak their language either. Everyone was expected to speak English so that she could raise coconuts instead of Muslimahs

[Lu'Lu]

How can someone "not like" a language?

Errmmm..it is possible. For example, Punjabi can be seen as quite a brash and offensive language to some, so even people who are originally Punjabi often speak to their children in Urdu. Urdu is a richer language which sounds better!

If I married a punjabi speaking person, I would insist on teaching the children Urdu rather than Punjabi. I dont know if I would go as far as to ban it, but as some phrases (usually offensive words) do sound better in Punjabi, I may just!

[Lu'Lu]

errr yusra hun...whats with all the marraige threads babe?

Yeh yusra..whats going on?? Why you talking bout marriage so much these days?

[ur_yusra]

Yeh yusra..whats going on?? Why you talking bout marriage so much these days?

Says the ukht who LIVES on the marriage forum

[Nawar]

and whats wrong with punjabi?

[Lu'Lu]

and whats wrong with punjabi?

Nothings wrong with punjabi man...CALM DOWN... I just prefer Urdu.. Some people THEMSELVES have told me to teach them Urdu as they prefer it to Punjabi..so its not like I'm the only one who thinks that!

But I do agree Punjabi is the best language to cuss with, no doubt.

[ur_yusra]

Nothings wrong with punjabi man...CALM DOWN... I just prefer Urdu.. Some people THEMSELVES have told me to teach them Urdu as they prefer it to Punjabi..so its not like I'm the only one who thinks that!

But I do agree Punjabi is the best language to cuss with, no doubt.

I prefer gujjerati myself

But inshaAllah want my children to learn arabic..

[Nawar]

Nothings wrong with punjabi man...CALM DOWN... I just prefer Urdu.. Some people THEMSELVES have told me to teach them Urdu as they prefer it to Punjabi..so its not like I'm the only one who thinks that!

But I do agree Punjabi is the best language to cuss with, no doubt.

People speak punjabi, they dont just cuss with it

Every language has its fair share of offensive cuss words

[Chained_Water]

:

Suppose you marry someone who speaks another language as you..

And you yourself have a mother tongue you're quite fond of and would like your children to at least be familiar with it..

Is it tolerable then for your husband to say your language is banned from the house.. and you are not speaking it in front of any potential children.. while the language he speaks is perfectly ok?

What does it say about the person?

That would be totally stupid and I find it offensive. What is their problem? ..how is ok for their mother tongue to be spoken in the house but no the kids can't speak yours or learn it? That's just shocking.

Shouldn't the inter-cultural marriage be all about teaching kids that being from different backgrounds is ok and that one is not better than another?

So how can one language be forbidden then? That just seems bigotted and racist quite frankly.

Kids pick up languages quickly, it will not harm them to learn more than one.. they will pick them up quickly anyway.

And your backrgound and heritage is just as important as his, you are his mother you have every right to teach them your language, and make it easy for them to communicate with your side of the family.

What reason has he given for this? Because it is just not on.

[.: Anna :.]

It seems an irrational thing for the husband to demand, but if you think about it then the most likely reason why he will say it is because he is afraid that if you are using ur mother language with the children then they will be speaking at this at the expense of his own mother tongue. Maybe there is another reason but that is the obvious one. So the best way 2 combat the problem is not by becoming angry and saying something like "why dont you let me talk my own language, this is so oppressive and wrong" but in a gentle way try to explain him the benefits of the children knowing more languages. Why not try to arrange with him that he speaks 2 them in his language and you speak to them in yours, and you speak to each other in whichever language you prefer. Scientifically it is not confusing for children 2 learn different languages from their small days as long as they have them distinctly separated - ie one language per person. if both speak 2 them sometimes in urdu, sometimes in gujjerati, sometimes in english or something like this, the kids may become confused... but if they had urdu from mum, english from dad, gujjerati from grandma for example, that can work insha allah.
It is a shame to eradicate a language from the house, and its depriving to the child who would have had the easy opportunity to learn this language from their mother. Also it is instinctive and natural that a mother wants to speak to her baby and children in her own language, so its unnecessarily cruel to forbid it, but if the husband tries to forbid then dont make it a confrontation but insha allah try to charm him round 2 allow u to use ur language, and console his fears if he worries that they will not learn his language or that his language would suffer.

As for me, we would be speaking English at home pretty much but also I want the kids to learn Arabic fluently and also our kind of tamil at least a bit, but its a bit difficult as I doubt we will be speaking it all the time for them to jst pick it up by listening. Still its a shame if they lose the opportunities to learn these things while they are young

[puella]

i speak urdu and i would love my children inshaAllah in thefuture to speak urdu.

I have a set of cousins who speak english to each other and hence they speak english to their wives and the kids speak nothing but english...so when they go to weddings and funerals where there are many elders present, the kids dont really know what the great great grandmother of the boy cousin twice removed from her is saying to her when all it is is 'teek ho puthar?'

i think its awful that kids are not able to speka the lingo., and i blame the parents for that 100%...dont matter what lingo it is, they should speak it, whether its , chinese, swahili, gujerati, urdu, afrikaans...whatever it is, they should learn it as there is no better time to learn a language than when you are a young babe and able to pick things up easily...what would u rather do? ..learn at home with the best of teachers (mother) or learn at school in period six and seven with madame fanakity pants in nominative, accusative and genitive etc and still not able to grasp how to say 'who are u?'

i say stick with mommy

[.: Anna :.]

the kids dont really know what the great great grandmother of the boy cousin twice removed from her is saying to her when all it is is 'teek ho puthar?'

lol even i know wat that means

[Lu'Lu]

People speak punjabi, they dont just cuss with it

Every language has its fair share of offensive cuss words

Yeh Yeh i know thaaaaaaaaaat....i just think that it sounds better and funnier in punjabi than in Urdu.

Urdu sounds too polite sometimes. So teach me punjabi then isnt it and we'll take it from there!

[puella]

lol even i know wat that means

mashaALlah..u learning sis!!

[Chained_Water]

Personally I think it is absolutely outrageous that the husband feels he can take this kind of decision singlehandedly and whilst completely ignoring the wifes feelings and thoughts.

Subhan Allah.

The wife is the one who will carry the child for nine months, look after it, feed, cloth, bathe, raise that child.. and it's her job to be at home teaching that child.

So where the heck does this bloke think he gets off "banning" her language from the home.

Sorry but this kind of person deserves to be hit over the head with a frying pan

Most likley husband/wife will speak one lingo together.. this will most probably become the child first language, but then if the husbands family live close and he speaks his lingo with them, the child will learn that language too.. if the mother is not able to speak hers with the child or teach it, and also the hcild will probably see mums side of family less, the child wont pick up mums language, and thus wont be able to communicate with her family as much.. this puts in a barrier and means the child is losing half their background and heritage and that is just not fair

[puella]

Personally I think it is absolutely outrageous that the husband feels he can take this kind of decision singlehandedly and whilst completely ignoring the wifes feelings and thoughts.

Subhan Allah.

The wife is the one who will carry the child for nine months, look after it, feed, cloth, bathe, raise that child.. and it's her job to be at home teaching that child.

So where the heck does this bloke think he gets off "banning" her language from the home.

Sorry but this kind of person deserves to be hit over the head with a frying pan

....and breath in and breath out again...now..sit cross legged and think of pretty things..like a fluffy white bunny jumping over green green grass in a beautiful field and the blue sky up above with the radiant sun shining its rays and radiating its warmth on the flluffy white bunny rabbit jumping and playing about with its brothers and sister.....

feel better sis?

[Mr_Jailer]

I can't speak pahari properly. A combination of speakin' english with siblin's and then movin' away from home to Cov / Brum for 5 - 6 years meant that I lost the pahari language skills.

I'm tryin' to re-learn the lingo.

[Lu'Lu]

i think its awful that kids are not able to speka the lingo., and i blame the parents for that 100%...dont matter what lingo it is, they should speak it, whether its , chinese, swahili, gujerati, urdu, afrikaans...whatever it is, they should learn it as there is no better time to learn a language than when you are a young babe and able to pick things up easily...what would u rather do? ..learn at home with the best of teachers (mother) or learn at school in period six and seven with madame fanakity pants in nominative, accusative and genitive etc and still not able to grasp how to say 'who are u?'

i say stick with mommy

Yeh and what also bugs me..is that you have people who come from pakistan, and settle in this country and so their mother tongue has always been urdu/punjabi whatever and then they speak to their kids in english? And that too in a freshie accent ( no offence whatsoever but why not converse with them in a language you are obviously more comfortable with?) which means that the kids grow up only speaking english and not knowing any other language.

My parents have always spoken to us in Urdu, as they believed that when we go to school, we will learn english anyway. But we mostly speak to my nieces and nephews in Arabic now which really cheeses my parents off because now they cant communicate with their grandkids!!

[Chained_Water]

....and breath in and breath out again...now..sit cross legged and think of pretty things..like a fluffy white bunny jumping over green green grass in a beautiful field and the blue sky up above with the radiant sun shining its rays and radiating its warmth on the flluffy white bunny rabbit jumping and playing about with its brothers and sister.....

feel better sis?

No

*smashes white fluffy bunny down on grass and watches its blood seep into the field as a big nasty storm cloud passes in front of the sun and the bunnies brother and sister turn out to be cannibals and eat the bunny*

[Ebony]

He sounds like a plonk.

[Mr_Jailer]

No

*smashes white fluffy bunny down on grass and watches its blood seep into the field as a big nasty storm cloud passes in front of the sun and the bunnies brother and sister turn out to be cannibals and eat the bunny*

outrageous

[Chained_Water]

He sounds like a plonk.

I agree.. and I hope this is just hypothetical.

[puella]

No

*smashes white fluffy bunny down on grass and watches its blood seep into the field as a big nasty storm cloud passes in front of the sun and the bunnies brother and sister turn out to be cannibals and eat the bunny*

*puella holds remains of bunny on grass...she looks up at CW with big fat tears in her eyes....big fat tear plops on ground....lets read dua for dead white fluffy happy bunny*

[Chained_Water]

*puella holds remains of bunny on grass...she looks up at CW with big fat tears in her eyes....big fat tear plops on ground....lets read dua for dead white fluffy happy bunny*

*CW stomps on white fluffy bunnys remains and screams and pulls out her own hair and laughs at puella*

[RaNdOm]

why dont u just make him learn ur language, then itll be his language too

[Chained_Water]

why dont u just make him learn ur language, then itll be his language too

If that doesn't work I can give him a dose of what I gave white fluffy bunny.

[Nawar]

Yeh Yeh i know thaaaaaaaaaat....i just think that it sounds better and funnier in punjabi than in Urdu.

Urdu sounds too polite sometimes. So teach me punjabi then isnt it and we'll take it from there!

Thats more like it Ok, I'll teach you InshAllah, its cool, Im happy now

[Ebony]

Why should it bother him what language you speak at home with your children?

If she doesnt know his language, and he obviously isn't going to be home - then if they dont learn his language, who is he going to "blame"? Himself? Yeah right Her? Most probably because he sounds like a peabrained bozo.

[puella]

*CW stomps on white fluffy bunnys remains and screams and pulls out her own hair and laughs at puella*

*puella calls the A team*

[RaNdOm]

Why should it bother him what language you speak at home with your children?

If she doesnt know his language, and he obviously isn't going to be home - then if they dont learn his language, who is he going to "blame"? Himself? Yeah right Her? Most probably because he sounds like a peabrained bozo.

loooooooool