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		<title>Ummah.com - Muslim Forum - Marriage</title>
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		<description>Marriage In Islam</description>
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			<title>Ummah.com - Muslim Forum - Marriage</title>
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			<title>Home jobs??</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365415-Home-jobs&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Mon, 27 May 2013 01:00:18 GMT</pubDate>
			<description>SALAM  
 
does anyone know of home jobs?  
 
like admin? inputing etc?? 
 
please give company details in uk</description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>SALAM <br />
<br />
does anyone know of home jobs? <br />
<br />
like admin? inputing etc??<br />
<br />
please give company details in uk</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>alish</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365415-Home-jobs</guid>
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			<title>what is love?</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365414-what-is-love&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Mon, 27 May 2013 00:56:43 GMT</pubDate>
			<description>What is love?? 
 
How do u know your husband loves you??</description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>What is love??<br />
<br />
How do u know your husband loves you??</div>

]]></content:encoded>
			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>alish</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365414-what-is-love</guid>
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			<title>The Trick</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365410-The-Trick&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Mon, 27 May 2013 00:05:37 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[The Trick :D 
 
 
---Quote--- 
Narrated _*'Aisha*_:  Allah's Apostle used to like sweets and also used to like honey, and whenever he finished the 'Asr prayer, he used to visit his wives and stay with them. Once he visited _*Hafsa*_ and remained with her longer than the period he used to stay, so I...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>The Trick :D<br />
<br />
<div class="bbcode_container">
	<div class="bbcode_description">Quote:</div>
	<div class="bbcode_quote printable">
		<hr />
		
			Narrated <u><b>'Aisha</b></u>:  Allah's Apostle used to like sweets and also used to like honey, and whenever he finished the 'Asr prayer, he used to visit his wives and stay with them. Once he visited <u><b>Hafsa</b></u> and remained with her longer than the period he used to stay, so I enquired about it. <br />
<br />
<b>It was said to me, &quot;A woman from her tribe gave her a leather skin containing honey as a present, and she gave some of it to Allah's Apostle to drink.&quot; I said, <u>&quot;By Allah, we will play a trick on him.&quot;</u> </b><br />
<br />
So I mentioned the story to <u><b>Sauda</b> (the wife of the Prophet)</u> and said to her, <b>&quot;When he enters upon you, he will come near to you whereupon you should say to him, 'O Allah's Apostle! Have you eaten Maghafir?' He will say, 'No.' </b><b>Then you say to him, 'What is this bad smell? ' And it would be very hard on Allah's Apostle that a bad smell should be found on his body. He will say, 'Hafsa has given me a drink of honey.' <br />
Then you should say to him, 'Its bees must have sucked from the Al-'Urfut (a foul smelling flower).' </b>I too, will tell him the same. And <b><u>you, O Saifya, say the same.&quot;</u> </b><br />
<br />
So when the Prophet entered upon Sauda (the following happened). Sauda said, &quot;By Him except Whom none has the right to be worshipped, I was about to say to him what you had told me to say while he was still at the gate because of fear from you. But when Allah 's Apostle came near to me, I said to him, 'O Allah's Apostle! Have you eaten Maghafir?' He replied, 'No.' I said, 'What about this smell?' He said, 'Hafsa has given me a drink of honey.' I said, 'Its bees must have sucked Al-'Urfut.' &quot; When he entered upon me, I told him the same as that, and <b>when he entered upon Safiya, she too told him the same</b>. <b>So when he visited Hafsa again, she said to him, &quot;O Allah's Apostle! Shall I give you a drink of it (honey)?&quot; He said, &quot;I have no desire for it.&quot; Sauda said, Subhan Allah! We have deprived him of it (honey).&quot;<u> I said to her, &quot;Be quiet!&quot;</u> </b>
			
		<hr />
	</div>
</div>Sahih Bukhari Volume 009, Book 086, Hadith Number 102.<br />
<br />
:D</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>Arashim</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365410-The-Trick</guid>
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			<title>unsupportive father</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365343-unsupportive-father&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Sun, 26 May 2013 14:35:54 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[I'm 20 years old and about to finish university (I don't work).My dad is extremely stingy and has anger issues. He beats my mum and he also doesn't see the need to get me married because i'm a girl and we are not supposed to have any feelings. So my mum tells him to look for someone but he gets the...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>I'm 20 years old and about to finish university (I don't work).My dad is extremely stingy and has anger issues. He beats my mum and he also doesn't see the need to get me married because i'm a girl and we are not supposed to have any feelings. So my mum tells him to look for someone but he gets the most uneducated and unattractive looking men for me so i could reject them and so he doesn't have to spend anything for my wedding. Also, he has this thing where the guy has to be from the same city as him back home. He is that stingy, he just wants a guy who'd be prepared to have the cheapest wedding. I know he's doing it on purpose, he just doesn't want to pay for my wedding. If my mum considers someone, he doesn't listen. Looks like I have to do everything on my own.  He even told me once i start earning, i am going to have to pay him rent. I got a passport made the other day, he told me I need to pay him back for that too. It's not that we have financial issues either he's greedy and spends whatever he earns on buying himself brand new cars. He also forces me to work but i'm focussed on my education. He says i need to work so i can provide for my future husband and do all the housework. My dad also beats us, he says we need to get used to it incase our husband does the same. I just want to move far away from my dad by getting married but i'm just trapped.<br />
<br />
He's become the biggest hurdle in my life, alhamdullillah everything else is fine. I just can't love him anymore. It's so embarrasing he yells and hits us everyday the entire neighbourhood can hear and repeatedly tells us that we would have no food and shelter without his money. It's wrong to say but I don't really love him anymore. I can go months without seeing him and not ever miss him.</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>euphoria</dc:creator>
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			<title>my fraud marriage-please advice me urgently!!!!!!!!!!!!!</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365277-my-fraud-marriage-please-advice-me-urgently!!!!!!!!!!!!!&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Sat, 25 May 2013 20:11:02 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[Bismillah hirahma-niraheem 
Asalaam hu alaikum to all 
 okay, I dont know where to start from :crying: so I'll start right from the beginning. My mum called me overseas and got me married to a Pakistani ,my uncle and mum arranged the arranged marriage,i didnt want to go overseas and get married but...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Bismillah hirahma-niraheem<br />
Asalaam hu alaikum to all<br />
 okay, I dont know where to start from :crying: so I'll start right from the beginning. My mum called me overseas and got me married to a Pakistani ,my uncle and mum arranged the arranged marriage,i didnt want to go overseas and get married but eventually i did,the day before the nikkah i cried like how i cry up till today:crying: there was alot of issues that were in conflicts, he was an owner of a clothing factory,i was 23yrs and he was 35yrs no one checked his id, since my mum and dad are seperated for the 3rd time and most people didnt address the issues and the nikkah went on after the nikkah my visa was almost over so we needed his id to extend my visa , here we found out that his date of birth is not 1971 its actually 1961,i didnt have decision power and i always taked to him over the fone so i said its fine, he is a nice person after three mnths it was the wedding and velimah,after that he made a new passport, i fell pregnant in one month but i left the country and came home with my mum. i used to cry all the time especially after  i got off the fone with my husband,why because he used to say i left him and came ,visa will take so long and so on.yet i was a wife to him.<br />
<br />
when he arrived here , we stayed with my brother ,he ate,slept,didnt make an effort to find work or set up his business, he thought everyone is going to do it for him and all he had to do is just wait,four months past,wen i went to the doctor for check ups in the mornings my brother drove me to the doctor,he carried on sleeping,eventually we figured it out that everything was a lie,his factory,his age,everything , when arguments got serious he packed his bag and walked out ,yelling at my mother and sister because he was confronted and he claimed that son in laws can stay up to a year in the wifes family,he told the whole community lies about us and humiliated me and my family, yet again i was a wife to him, he havent got parents ,they were good ppl ,his brother and sisters got him married to me. <br />
<br />
i was pregant,didnt have decision power to decide,vulnerable and couldnt handle it,so i was on his side,i told him take a flat and we'll stay together,here we had fights,i walked out,he never saw how much i cried and wanted him to be a husband,he always threaten me ,my family,when i had my daughter ,i went into depression,seeked his attention but he was himself,after seven day of birth i cooked for him,he never complimented me ,o you actually cooked,u shudn't,take rest,we had arguments and i had  recorded  the argument on his cell  phone but mistakenly i pressed play button instead of stop so he heard all the threats he made,again he threatened me,he told me to get out,in winter ,i had to walk in the cold without my child to my mums house, they were devastayed,they brought me back because my daughter was 7 days old, a week later they was a argument again because i found the sim and kept it,he snatched my child and ran to my dad,i went to mum again,this time my brother had him arrested for dometic violence and he went to jail. i left forever after 6 months he got my sisters in-laws involved,so they united us together,since my father isnt interested with all tis,dad rather take my husbands side and see the worst happen to me, yet again i was honest and genuine wife to him.<br />
<br />
after five years the fights n arguments goes on , he isnt 35 he is actually a 52yrs old man and i 28yrs, at that time he didnt look really old cause he went for facials and hes a short man. i cant stand to look at him his face , cant speak to him we live in the same house , i helped him so much . i even borrowed him money which he didnt want to give back until we had a fight,right in the begining he had no money cause he lied about the import and export business, today he has three alhumdulliah stores but wont get a spare car for me and my daughter,its for her sake so i can drop her to school and madressa,my sister helps me alot, yet he still has a lot to say about her, like who asked for her help. just to get back at me,to trouble me.<br />
he also hit me,so did i, i am focused at my studies and alhumdullilah i am almost finish with my degree,my sister has a businees where i worked and paid off my fees,he didnt help,he s actually jealous that i am studing, i cant share anything with him,i have to hide stuff away from him,i dont tell him that today i am writting exams, i basically sleep in my daughters room with her and havent been intimate with him for 2 years and all he wants is his permenant residence in this country. he never gives me adequate amount of money,if i want something ,he ll take me to the store,be it evryday or everyweek to buy it. he never gives me cash ,he rather put in his account and hands the card to me,here use it, he wants me to use my money, i got used to it and remaind a helpful wife<br />
<br />
i dont want him to use me,i dont want him to manipulate me,i want him to appreciate me,he has no other responsibilitie except me and my daughter, he loves his daughter but when it came to being responsible he never asked what happen to her madressa, when she stopped going, she doesnt go anymoreshe goes to school, theres no spare car, he took all the money and got another shop, what does this say about him<br />
<br />
my mind is confused , i want to leave but i cant bring my self to do it, i am almost out the door than i stop, please advice me, i have to support my daughter,shes absorbing the fights and getting stressed,what will i do,where will i go, i am not a social person and who will look after my daughter and me, here i go again .........crying so much as i type, my father takes his side and husband gossips about me , i over heard my father tell him yea leave her, divorce her. <br />
<br />
my life with my father and my other 6 brother and sister,mum was a tortued one , we werent allowed any human kindness and had no rights therefore i dont have a strong self esteem about my self,but my mother was bold, i always pray and hoped that my life will never be like my mums but here i am in the same situation. i read 5 time namaaz, i read 1000 istikfaar,1000 salaam to my nabi(pbuh), every thursday i finish surah bakrah, fridays i read surh kafh, recently i wake up for tahajut namaaz,i want peace of mind now, i am tired , i asked this year if i can go for haj ,he said no i cant,not even with my own money. i am stresses all the time because i am afraid to take the step and what will happen next. i know other women are in wost situations then i am.<br />
<br />
i donno wat to do please clear my mind, dont critise me, help me :crying: solve this issue, i want to leave ,my sister and brother are telling me dont make his permit and get out now but what if allah will get upset that i took his daughter away from him ,my daughter will miss him and look for him<br />
<br />
if i leave i cant leave just like this, i have to plan, take my daughter and migrate to another country, if not he has threatened to do something to my family although he hasnt tried anything yet. this time my father will support him cause we live just near by his house, theres so many things to say to you but please read this and give me you humble advice<br />
<br />
i wait eagerly for all those that have read, i think if i stay it might work  some how and there wont be fights once finacial issue gets better. because although we fight he eventually gives me a bit of money and takes us out for shopping and stuff and he supports finacially with basics but with agony. i am afraid to take the step out because where will i go, i know my sister and my brother in law is there for me and my loving brother,mum but i am scared if allah will get upset with me, he loves his daughter and to face my reality is difficult. what must i do i cry so much that my eyes swell and i am sick most of the time, my hands fingures ache, i am stressed, i dont want go through traumas in my like, whatever happen in this marriage i some how accept it and i f happen again i become traumatised. please help me solve this issue, i am going in circles:crying:<br />
maybe i am emotinally not developed strong enough to handle any situation,marraige, maybe i am immature. ameen</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>AishaHussain</dc:creator>
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			<title>Why the double standard?</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365211-Why-the-double-standard&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Sat, 25 May 2013 04:09:12 GMT</pubDate>
			<description>:salams 
 
I was thinking back at some of the honour killing cases and a thought ran trough my head. Some of these girls may have had boyfriend which is why their dad/brother took offence. But if the gender was changed, would they have had such a problem with it? 
 
Back in high school, I remember...</description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>:salams<br />
<br />
I was thinking back at some of the honour killing cases and a thought ran trough my head. Some of these girls may have had boyfriend which is why their dad/brother took offence. But if the gender was changed, would they have had such a problem with it?<br />
<br />
Back in high school, I remember some of the Muslim brothers having girlfriends. No one cared. But if was a sister, authobillah. Not that I've ever seen a sister do this but I hope you get what I mean. It's kind of like smoking. A guy doing it. Meh. A sister in a hijab, well that's just crazy.*<br />
<br />
There is a double standard that the guys can go play and the girls will be slut shamed if they do the same. These same guys will then expect virgins for marriage even though they may not be. Sometimes their parents will joke about girls wanting them, but if their daughter jokes about guys wanting her then it's ww3 a home. <br />
<br />
I kind of find this troubling. Alhamdulillah this is still a minority, or at least I'd like to think so, but it's still worrying. *As an ummah we're failing these brothers and sisters. And the sad thing is that thing will get much worse before it becomes better.*<br />
<br />
So what can we do to try to combat this? The symptoms of this problem is double standard when looking at sins. Why is it that for girls it's always that much more worse than it is for guys?*I don't just mean in terms of sex and what not but in regards to sins in general.</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>Pippin1376</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365211-Why-the-double-standard</guid>
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		<item>
			<title><![CDATA[Lost my virginity, now im completely lost & feel worthless.]]></title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365181-Lost-my-virginity-now-im-completely-lost-amp-feel-worthless&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 21:12:33 GMT</pubDate>
			<description>Hi guys, 
This is an issue ive been dealing with alone for over a year now. I come from a family with divorced parents, hardly having any relationship with my father whilst growing up. My relationship with my mother was always rocky, we never used to be able to talk to each other and just lived...</description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Hi guys,<br />
This is an issue ive been dealing with alone for over a year now. I come from a family with divorced parents, hardly having any relationship with my father whilst growing up. My relationship with my mother was always rocky, we never used to be able to talk to each other and just lived like strangers under one roof. I guess it was my way of avoiding how much pain she has been going through her whole life due to my pathetic father, but alhumdulilah i have now began to build on my relationship with my mother and am able to express my love for her and support her. Anyway during my teenage years i was very detatched from my family and always felt a sense of emptiness, not having a father figure affected me emotionally to a really bad extent. I seeked comfort elsewhere, this was when i met my partner of just over 2yrs, in highschool. For the first 1 1/2 yrs of our relationship we kept things as halal and possible and wanted to marry asap. However i developed minor depression, anxiety and paranoia, always feeling like he would leave me the same way my father did. Things got bad from there and eventually we broke up. Within my last few months with him we lost our virginity to each other.. and till now (a year later) we are still in contact and keep going back &amp; forth on whether to try fix what went wrong or just move on, Since the break up he has become a thug  relying on drugs and blames me for his state. I feel a deep connection with him and fear i will never feel the same for someone else. Ive repented for my sin so many times and have ended up going back to the same sin.. ive begged allah for guidance and forgiveness but now i just feel like im stuck in this position not knowing what to do.I was not practicing before but now i am, islam has bought me peace at heart but this issue is haunting me as i dont know if i should cut all ties with him?<br />
Please, any advice would be appreciated i really need it right now</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>ini_chan</dc:creator>
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		</item>
		<item>
			<title>What to do, what to do?</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365173-What-to-do-what-to-do&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 19:18:38 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[How do I get my mother to allow me to marry someone outside the tribe let alone the  race?  
 
I know what you're thinking. OH NO! not these types of threads again .. sowwy, but just move on before you comment if you don't like it... :up:]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>How do I get my mother to allow me to marry someone outside the tribe let alone the  race? <br />
<br />
I know what you're thinking. OH NO! not these types of threads again .. sowwy, but just move on before you comment if you don't like it... :up:</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>Bint Muaawiya</dc:creator>
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		<item>
			<title>Please help me</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365155-Please-help-me&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 15:02:53 GMT</pubDate>
			<description>Looking for wife that be pious ....... 
Aslam alikm , i am living in gulf state,from east Africa,educated,not rich nor poor,i dont care divorce or not but she is be pious. 
i dont care any nationality .....i prefer to be convert ........please help me .......</description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Looking for wife that be pious .......<br />
Aslam alikm , i am living in gulf state,from east Africa,educated,not rich nor poor,i dont care divorce or not but she is be pious.<br />
i dont care any nationality .....i prefer to be convert ........please help me .......</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>khs</dc:creator>
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			<title>Can someone explain to me step by step how muslims are supposed to marry?</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365128-Can-someone-explain-to-me-step-by-step-how-muslims-are-supposed-to-marry&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 09:23:27 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah.  
 
I'm just totally perplexed. My parents 'converted' to islam after they had married, so they don't actually know how this whole islamic marriage thing really works. And my one experience about the whole matter just made it even more weird. Just..how is a muslim...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah. <br />
<br />
I'm just totally perplexed. My parents 'converted' to islam after they had married, so they don't actually know how this whole islamic marriage thing really works. And my one experience about the whole matter just made it even more weird. Just..how is a muslim supposed to get married?  I see people here talking about how they expect their future spouses to be all lovey dovey after a couple of meetings. Like, what? I don't see how love has anything to do with getting married if we're not supposed to mingle and thus get to know the person in a common level. Religion, money, beauty, lineage, those are the reasons for marriage. To me it seems that love is a random factor that might or might not develop after getting married. <br />
<br />
I'll explain this one event when this one guy came to &quot;check me out&quot;. Firstly, he had seen my sister in the mosque and &quot;fallen in love with her&quot; (read: had totally fallen for her beauty and majestic appearance and yes, my sister was wearing a proper hijab). A little time after he had seen me in mosque and apparently thought that it was my sister. He contacted my dad. Then he came over. It was alright until my sister came out of her room because she had to leave and said salaam to us. Then he didn't know who he had actually talked about with my dad.  The guy couldn't tell which was which  between me and my sister. So the poor guy is sitting at the other end of the table trying to find out which one he was actually interesting in, and I'm supposed to evaluate if I want this person to be my life partner, this person who actually had come to propose to my sister but had messed it all up. He went home and after a month or so he called my dad and asked for my hand, probably thinking that I was the younger one since I am shorter, My dad asked what I thought and I said no thank you. On their next conversation he asked my sister. Like &quot;Oh the younger said no? how about the older&quot;. <br />
<br />
Firstly he didn't know who he was proposing to. Secondly, I felt like some sort of a shirt &quot;we got this model in two version, older and younger&quot;. I felt totally humiliated. My sister and I are complete opposites in personality and preferences and life goals and even our approach to deen. On what basis should I have said ok? On what logic should I have proceeded?  Theoretically speaking, if he hadn't totally insulted me in the first place. <br />
<br />
I've become so scared about this whole thing that I'm just waiting for my sister to marry before I can even think about the matter. <br />
<br />
(My sister said no too. She said that he seemed more like a brother.)<br />
<br />
So I want to know, how is this supposed to be done?<br />
<br />
EDIT// and this whole love thing. I find one type of men attractive and they're pretty rare. And even those I don't get any feelings towards, they're just pretty to look at and I look away. Love? Where's that supposed to come in? Because I thought that love MIGHT develop after years of knowing the person IF the person was &quot;your type&quot; anyway, which unfortunately doesn't seem to be the case in many relationships. It seems more like &quot;well I'm stuck with this guy and a baby so..&quot;<br />
<br />
<br />
EDIT/// Also, what does it mean to find a spouse oneself?  &quot;Hey, you look like you'll make me a great husband!&quot; ? I don't get this ._. <br />
<br />
Please enlighten me with some examples. I live in the western world and I don't have any relatives/ m(any) muslim friends.</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>Kalikatu</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365128-Can-someone-explain-to-me-step-by-step-how-muslims-are-supposed-to-marry</guid>
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		<item>
			<title>Is love enough???</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365117-Is-love-enough&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Fri, 24 May 2013 03:04:12 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[When you marry for love, is it enough? What if that love fades, what's left?  
 
 
I keep seeing that arranged marriages work. I never believed in them but why do arranged marriages seem to work and lovers get married and it doesn't last. 
 
 
If your in a loveless marriage what can you do to...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>When you marry for love, is it enough? What if that love fades, what's left? <br />
<br />
<br />
I keep seeing that arranged marriages work. I never believed in them but why do arranged marriages seem to work and lovers get married and it doesn't last.<br />
<br />
<br />
If your in a loveless marriage what can you do to rekindle the love.<br />
<br />
Once love is dead does it ever come back?<br />
<br />
How do you continue in a marriage when the love is gone?</div>

]]></content:encoded>
			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>waiting4leader</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365117-Is-love-enough</guid>
		</item>
		<item>
			<title>Marriage problems - i really need advice</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365110-Marriage-problems-i-really-need-advice&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 23:44:38 GMT</pubDate>
			<description>Assalamu alaikum, This is my first time doing one of these posts so im sorry if i dont make sense. I am so confused and upset and i just need advice. I am 19 years old and had a love marriage last year. Me and my husband occasionally have arguments and sometimes it would get really heated and he...</description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Assalamu alaikum, This is my first time doing one of these posts so im sorry if i dont make sense. I am so confused and upset and i just need advice. I am 19 years old and had a love marriage last year. Me and my husband occasionally have arguments and sometimes it would get really heated and he would end up beating me up. This started around a few months after marriage. I was getting so sick and tired of all of these problems that i eventually started turning to Allah for help. At first I wasnt very religious but Alhamdullilah recently i have started praying 5 times a day and turning to Allah when i have problems instead of turning to the wrong things for comfort such as music etc. I have also been trying for ages to get him to pray and go to Islamic lectures with me, and he does pray at times, and he did take me to a lecture once, but most of the time he would rather either be out with his friends until midnight, watch Anime for hours or play on his xbox or ps3. *I feel so neglected most of the time, i have to always pester him to take me out and spend time with me (he has asked to take me *few times though) or watch islamic marriage videos with me which i love doing but hes only done that with me once which was last Ramadan. Basically i feel like he would much rather do anything else than to spend time with me, the only time we spend together is when he wants a massage or when he wants to be intimate, which i dont mind doing for him and i never deny him, what upsets me is the fact that thats the ONLY time hes willing to spend with me. Anyways back to the beatings -- At first he didnt hit me too badly, but recently its been getting really bad and hes been beating me like an animal and its been leaving bruises and pains all around my body. The first time he severely beat me up was about 4 months ago and at that time i didnt swear at him or hit him back, i was just trying to leave because of him beating me, but he just kept on carrying on hitting me and he even tried suffocating me with a duvet because he knows that ive got asthma and thats my weak spot. His mum and sister came in and tried to stop him and then i went to pack my bags because i wanted to go back to my parents house, but his mum made me stay. * *The second time he severely beat me up was because we had an argument the day his mum had an operation and i went and told her what had happened and he just came down and started beating me up infront of everyone - he says he did this because i was stressing his mum out (even tho beating me up infront of her wil probably stress her out more). i then thought thats it im just going to leave because i couldnt let him treat me like that again so i went upstairs and started packing my bags and he came upstairs and started beating me up more because.i was shouting at him. That night around 12am i left their house even tho his mum and dad were trying to stop me because i knew if i stayed it would only happen again.. Plus i hated the fact that he just went back to his normal life straight after like nothing happened while i was there crying my eyes out. I went and stayed at a hotel and went back to my parents home the next morning. After 1 week my parents brought me back to my husbands house to sort everything out with both of us but to be honest i dont think it helped at all. I started behaving normal with my husband after, i was fulfilling all of my duties towards him and being caring, loving and attentive towards him even though he beat me up, but ever since that day hes been acting like the victim. He says he cant forgive me for staying at the hotel and hes just being so stubborn and careless and unloving. Its almost been one month and ive been asking him so many times to spend time with me such as praying together or watching islamic videos together or to take me out to improve our marriage but he hasnt done any of this with me. Hes out with his mates everyday, or hes at home for hours watching anime. I feel so crappy and unappreciated i have no idea what to do. I have done istikhara for guidance on whether i should seperate from him or not but i dont know if im doing it right. I think im going through depression i cant stop crying. I really need some advice. Sorry for the long message and JazakAllah Khair.</div>

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			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>Shna</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365110-Marriage-problems-i-really-need-advice</guid>
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			<title>Spouse search- women</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365096-Spouse-search-women&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 20:45:42 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[Salam,  
 
I'm 25, practicing and have been patiently waiting for Allah SWT to send down my king :)  
But as a woman, whose responsibility is it to look for a spouse? Me? My parents? Friends? I'm a bit confused by this as I don't want to go out there and do haram but my family aren't actively...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Salam, <br />
<br />
I'm 25, practicing and have been patiently waiting for Allah SWT to send down my king :) <br />
But as a woman, whose responsibility is it to look for a spouse? Me? My parents? Friends? I'm a bit confused by this as I don't want to go out there and do haram but my family aren't actively looking for me despite several conversations with my mother. Any suggestions my friends have made to my family have been shunned so they're not keen on helping out... <br />
<br />
Has any other sister experienced this?</div>

]]></content:encoded>
			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>muslimah_deen</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365096-Spouse-search-women</guid>
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			<title>Emirati woman burns ex-husband’s car in revenge</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365082-Emirati-woman-burns-ex-husband’s-car-in-revenge&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 18:25:05 GMT</pubDate>
			<description>An Emirati woman whose ex-husband got married again did not want to let him get away with it, apparently feeling hurt by the new marriage. 
She brought a gallon filled with petrol, got into her car and drove all the way to Khor Fakkan, where she set his car ablaze. 
The woman, who lives in another...</description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>An Emirati woman whose ex-husband got married again did not want to let him get away with it, apparently feeling hurt by the new marriage.<br />
She brought a gallon filled with petrol, got into her car and drove all the way to Khor Fakkan, where she set his car ablaze.<br />
The woman, who lives in another emirate, went straight to where her ex-husband lives, waited until it was dark, poured petrol on his car and set it on fire on Tuesday night.<br />
 <br />
The fire drew a large crowd before police and civil defence vehicles unleashing their sirens arrived in the area and managed to control the blaze.<br />
 <br />
“The fire damaged the left side of the car and no one was hurt as the man was at home at that time…police arrested the woman and found with her a knife as she had threatened him many times,” Albayan Arabic language daily said.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://pakistanvirtualforce.blogspot.com/2013/05/emirati-woman-burns-ex-husbands-car-in.html" target="_blank">http://pakistanvirtualforce.blogspot...ds-car-in.html</a></div>

]]></content:encoded>
			<category domain="http://www.ummah.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?158-Marriage">Marriage</category>
			<dc:creator>Remember12345</dc:creator>
			<guid isPermaLink="true">http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365082-Emirati-woman-burns-ex-husband’s-car-in-revenge</guid>
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			<title>Mum+Partner+Hijab = Me + Stress + less :)ness</title>
			<link>http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?365058-Mum-Partner-Hijab-Me-Stress-less-)ness&amp;goto=newpost</link>
			<pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 13:48:23 GMT</pubDate>
			<description><![CDATA[Salaams, 
 
I will be getting married to my partner next year Insha'Allah and surprise surprise Im having a dilemma with my mum. My partner does not wear the hijab and to my mum this is a huge deal. I personally don't have an issue with this as she has told me that she will one day wear but "she's...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<div>Salaams,<br />
<br />
I will be getting married to my partner next year Insha'Allah and surprise surprise Im having a dilemma with my mum. My partner does not wear the hijab and to my mum this is a huge deal. I personally don't have an issue with this as she has told me that she will one day wear but &quot;she's just not ready&quot; yet. I 100% trust and that I know she will one day wear it therefore I don't want to force her. My mum keeps insisting me to get her to wear by the time we're married and she expects her to wear the hijab always. Although I should be concerned that my partner is not wearing the hijab should I be asking her to wear it? I keep getting into arguments with my mum because she keeps nagging me to get her to wear it and I keep refusing to force it on her. Am I wrong to say No to my mum? Also, when my mum requested a picture she insisted that my partner wears the hijab. I feel this is giving a false impression to everyone as to who she really is. Is it wrong for my mum to insist like that? Naturally my partner is not happy that she has to go through this.<br />
<br />
The reason I don't have an issue at moment is because 1, I trust her and her behaviour and mannerisms are far better than some hijabi sisters I've seen. Therefore, I'd rather her be modest than wear the hijab for the sake of it and behave immodestly, giving both the religion, the hijab<br />
AND herself a bad name.<br />
<br />
Some direction and guidence would be grateful.<br />
<br />
Thanks</div>

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			<dc:creator>fsnox</dc:creator>
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