Dilemma.

[scribble]

Salaams.

Say for example there's a mother who's really bad, who's made mistakes... Who's old and frail and someone who still loves her child dearly. She doesn't realise that what she does hurts people around her, her family.

Then there's her son. Her son has a temper, he's said a few things to her before, she's made mistakes, she may have been the cause of a super division in the family, he accuses her of something really, really servere. Something you'd daren't call your mother, or accuse her of such thing.

Then there's the son's daughter who's confused, who's scared for her father because she's heard somewhere that if a child doesn't forgive or ask for forgiveness from his/her mother, then they may not enter paradise, paradise is under the mother's foot, right?

Somehow she feels responsible, she feels sympathy towards her grandma and anger towards her parents.. Who does she choose? Does she choose no one? What should she do? She can't talk to her dad... Nor her mum.. She doesn't know what to do.. She may have even given up hope having to tolerate family problems all her life.

[leela]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, but if I was the grand-daughter, and I felt I couldn't express myself straightforwardly, then I might approach the situation in a more discreet manner. Be more general about my desire to see the family reunited. I realise it's always a bit awkward when it comes to being the middle party caught in some kind of family feud or argument, but building bridges is a gradual process and insha'allah, one day, the efforts of said party will be rewarded. :)

[scribble]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, but if I was the grand-daughter, and I felt I couldn't express myself straightforwardly, then I might approach the situation in a more discreet manner. Be more general about my desire to see the family reunited. I realise it's always a bit awkward when it comes to being the middle party caught in some kind of family feud or argument, but building bridges is a gradual process and insha'allah, one day, the efforts of said party will be rewarded. :)

Jazakallah, but I think most of family members want the family to reunite and be one again even if they don't show it, they want it deep down. It's hard for them sometimes, it really is. I don't know if she should approach it at all, because she knows that there'll always be a few people who'd rather hate than love again.

Should she be angry at her parents? Or her grandma? Or neither of them but herself?

[H_2]

Just sit quiet and let it resolve itself out. Dont take no sides. Be nice to her grandma and her dad and they'll sort it out in time.

[leela]

I don't think there should be any anger towards anyone. If there's something to be achieved by building bridges, then perhaps she should persevere in her attempts and not let the hate of a few family members disillusion her.

[scribble]

Just sit quiet and let it resolve itself out. Dont take no sides. Be nice to her grandma and her dad and they'll sort it out in time.

How can it resolve when no ones doing nothing? My father is stubborn, my grandma is stubborn, my uncle is stubborn and his wife is stubborn. Hell, everyone's stubborn.

What to do? It pains me to see my family seperating like that.

[H_2]

How can it resolve when no ones doing nothing? My father is stubborn, my grandma is stubborn, my uncle is stubborn and his wife is stubborn. Hell, everyone's stubborn.

What to do? It pains me to see my family seperating like that.

Yeh im sure it pains you. But you just be peacemaker for all the parties. Speak nicely to your dad, grandma uncle and slowly try to bring them together. Maybe they'll see the error of their ways when they see such a young person being nice to everyone. Show them ur dad, ur grandma how good you are and you want the family to unite and maybe it will melt their stubborn hearts.

[leela]

In that kind of a situation someone has to make the first move. My family wouldn't be together today if my Mum didn't do everything in her power to keep us together. It takes alot of will power and strength but if one person's making the effort, others see it and tend to respond.

[scribble]

Yeh im sure it pains you. But you just be peacemaker for all the parties. Speak nicely to your dad, grandma uncle and slowly try to bring them together. Maybe they'll see the error of their ways when they see such a young person being nice to everyone.

I am trying to be nice to everyone, but then something happens and then what am I supposed to think? I'm confused. These people, my family have had this going on since I was born, I'm used to the fighting and the blood shed and tears, but it's gotten really bad, and I feel that maybe this may never sort itself out, no matter how hard us youngsters try.

I don't want to hurt my parents, I don't want to hurt my grandma, in fact, I don't want to hut anyone, if I try to say something, I would have gone and done exactly that, the problem is, I don't just want to sit and do nothing. Maybe that's the only option I have at this moment in time?

[scribble]

In that kind of a situation someone has to make the first move. My family wouldn't be together today if my Mum didn't do everything in her power to keep us together. It takes alot of will power and strength but if one person's making the effort, others see it and tend to respond.

That's just it. If I have to make the first move, how I will begin? What do I have to do? What will be the result? Will it change things? Will it make things worse?

[leela]

That's just it. If I have to make the first move, how I will begin? What do I have to do? What will be the result? Will it change things? Will it make things worse?

You could try to appeal to their better nature. Suggest that a life full of hatred isn't desirable. By wallowing in this pitiful state, the younger generation are affected. I don't know how this would go down with your family.. if it's likely to make things worse, try another tactic.

[scribble]

You could try to appeal to their better nature. Suggest that a life full of hatred isn't desirable. By wallowing in this pitiful state, the younger generation are affected. I don't know how this would go down with your family.. if it's likely to make things worse, try another tactic.

Jazakallah, the problem is, if I try and approach them, they'll snap at me, I don't want to trouble them right now. What if they don't listen?

I guess I'll know if I try, huh?

[leela]

Jazakallah, the problem is, if I try and approach them, they'll snap at me, I don't want to trouble them right now. What if they don't listen?

I guess I'll know if I try, huh?


You could just generalise rather than focus on the problems in one community. Maybe point out the benefits of families that are united. eg. peace of mind, sense of unity, etc.

[scribble]

You could just generalise rather than focus on the problems in one community. Maybe point out the benefits of families that are united. eg. peace of mind, sense of unity, etc.

Yah.. Maybe.. :) Jazakallah.