Have I Make A Mistake

[MISTAKE]

I have been talking to a sister via a matramonial site. She seemed like a really kind decent sweet honest person.

Anyway, she said to me that she has to make many compromises to make this work and she then asked if I was willing to make compromises like only following those parts of islam which were clear.

One of her examples was, it is not 100% clear that women are not allowed to cut their hair. I said I would find it hard to allow my wife to cut her hair and she was not happy with that, she said I am too rigid!

So we stopped talking via email!

That same day, I felt so hurt that I actually started crying while praying salaah. I think I have made a very big mistake, as she seemed like such an amazing person who was willing to comprimise so much for me and all she expected was for me to comprimose a little.

Have I made a mistake? Should I appologies and say that I will also make comprimises for her? SHould I try to get this to work again?

HELP!!!

[.: Anna :.]

Brother actually that is not correct in Islam that women are not allowed to cut their hair. This must have come to people's culture through Sikhism. Do a search on this topic, or you can look on sites such as islam-qa or sunnipath, which will have explanations about this as it is a commonly asked question. So I do agree with the sister, you should not enforce things onto your future wife which are not clearly laid out from Islam. Actually in Islam we have to maintain and look after our hair, not allowing it to be trimmed or anything will cause it to become damaged and bad quality in the long term, such as split ends.

[`asiya]

It was narrated in Saheeh Muslim that Abu Salamah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan said: “The wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to cut their hair until it came just below their ears.” :up:

nothing wrong with it at all, maybe she felt you would be too controlling,
women dont need men to tell them how to be women....allahu alam may Allah assist u amin.

[MISTAKE]

Brother actually that is not correct in Islam that women are not allowed to cut their hair. This must have come to people's culture through Sikhism. Do a search on this topic, or you can look on sites such as islam-qa or sunnipath, which will have explanations about this as it is a commonly asked question. So I do agree with the sister, you should not enforce things onto your future wife which are not clearly laid out from Islam. Actually in Islam we have to maintain and look after our hair, not allowing it to be trimmed or anything will cause it to become damaged and bad quality in the long term, such as split ends.

Oh, I didn't mean not cut it at all, i mean, her cutting to a length which imitates men. i.e. above the shoulders.

[Supernova Nebula]

women are not allowed to cut their hair if it resembles man, i think. the rest i agree with anna

[MISTAKE]

So i should appologies and try to get things to work?

[Abu Talhah]

So i should appologies and try to get things to work?

Yes akhi

[abdalmajid]

It was narrated in Saheeh Muslim that Abu Salamah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan said: “The wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to cut their hair until it came just below their ears.” :up:

nothing wrong with it at all, maybe she felt you would be too controlling,
women dont need men to tell them how to be women....allahu alam may Allah assist u amin.

Salaam to all

I just wanted to shed some light on the above hadith that was posted.

The details below are taken from a book called: Rulings Pertaining To Muslim Women by Saleh Fauzan Al-Fauzan

“….then he explained the hadith that “the wives of the Prophet (pbuh) used to cut hair from their heards until they looked like wafra (the Arabic name given to the shape of the hair when it is left to reach the top lobe of the ear)

The wives of the Prophet (pbuh) cut there hair after the death of the Prophet (pbuh). Because they used to beautify themselves for him during his lifetime and from there most gorgeous symbols of beauty was the hair. But after his death his wives were given a special ruling unique among all women of the earth that they were not permitted to every marry again. So they were like the women who are in there Iddah period after the death upto there own death. Now because they had not reason to look beautiful they were permitted to cut there hair…..”

It is not permitted for other women for no reason to cut hair to this length.

Inshallah I hope this makes it clear that women are not allowed to cut hair. BUT
It is allowed if you are having problems with it. As sister anna has said such as split ends and so forth.

But Brother what concerns me more than this hair business is that just from what you are saying if you started to cry while praying Salah it looks like you have got too much involved with this sister. You should have spoken to her wali by now. Any person who starts to cry over someone like this has gone far into it and if this is how you feel you should talk to her wali first before you contact her again because you seem to be getting too much involved and this is wrong. By now the devil is playing on your mind. You must know of the hadith that if there are two people then the third id the devil. I know that you only email but the devil is still with you. The way to do it is that you see and like someone over a web site right then you ask for her wali’s details and take it from there.

Brother seek advice now BEFORE YOU MAKE CONTACT WITH THIS SISTER AGAIN from people of more knowledge because you could even be leading yourself in to haraam.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

Wa Salaam

Abdal Majid Ibn Muhammad Shafi

[Te'oma]

If the hair thing was the only thing then by all means apologize. If the prophet's wives could cut their hair, it's obvious that all women are allowed to. They just shouldn't imitate the kaffir or look like a man

[guest_al-dhikr]

So i should appologies and try to get things to work?

our level of adherence to islam is already so weak, without the need for us to deliberately use compromise as the bases for our marriage life. would it not be more befitting that instead we seek to implement islam to the best of ability.

ma'asalaama

[er...]

So i should appologies and try to get things to work?

perhaps you can perform Istikharah first? :insha:

[nadous]

I have been talking to a sister via a matramonial site. She seemed like a really kind decent sweet honest person.

Anyway, she said to me that she has to make many compromises to make this work and she then asked if I was willing to make compromises like only following those parts of islam which were clear.

One of her examples was, it is not 100% clear that women are not allowed to cut their hair. I said I would find it hard to allow my wife to cut her hair and she was not happy with that, she said I am too rigid!

So we stopped talking via email!

That same day, I felt so hurt that I actually started crying while praying salaah. I think I have made a very big mistake, as she seemed like such an amazing person who was willing to comprimise so much for me and all she expected was for me to comprimose a little.

Have I made a mistake? Should I appologies and say that I will also make comprimises for her? SHould I try to get this to work again?

HELP!!!


According to islam no women is allowed to do like a men and no men is allowed to do like a women.... If her hair are short like a shoulder size... There is no problem but if it is cut the hair and can make confusion about if she is a man.... Then it is haram... I will find you hadith supporting this.

[nadous]

there is a fatwa :

Question:


I am doing a project on Muslim women and would like to know what is the ruling concerning a Muslim’s hair. Is she allowed to cut it as much as up to her shoulder or not/ what about facial hair? Is it harem to get rid of it or not. Please answer and pray my imam is strong.
Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allaah Almighty to increase you in faith and to make you content with the truth.
Your question includes two issues:
1 – the ruling on cutting women’s hair. Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
We do not know anything (to disallow) cutting women’s hair. What is forbidden is shaving it. You should not shave your hair but you may cut it and reduce its length or volume; we know of nothing wrong with that. But that should be done in a proper manner which will please you and your husband. You should come to some agreement with him on a kind of haircut that does not resemble kaafir women, because if you leave it long, it will be a lot of trouble to wash it and comb it. So if the hair is very long or thick, and the woman cuts it to reduce its length or volume, that doesn’t matter. Cutting some of it will make it more beautiful, which will please both the woman and her husband. So we do not know of any reason to disallow that. But shaving it altogether is not permissible, except in the case of sickness. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
See Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, part 2, p. 515
It was narrated in Saheeh Muslim that Abu Salamah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan said: “The wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to cut their hair until it came just below their ears.” (al-Hayd, 481)

Al-Nawawi said: this indicates that it is permissible for women to cut their hair short.
But women should avoid resembling kaafir women or immoral women when they cut their hair
Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said:
It is not permissible for a woman to cut her hair short in the back and leave the sides longer, because this involves disfiguring and fooling about with her hair which is part of her beauty, and it also involves imitating the kaafir women. This prohibition also applies to haircuts which are named after kaafir women or animals, like the “Diana” cut, named after a kaafir women, or the “lion” cut or “mouse” cut, because it is haraam to imitate the kaafirs or to imitate animals, and because that involves fooling about with a woman’s hair which is part of her beauty.
Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/516,517
2 – Removing facial hair.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih ibn ‘Uthaymeen said:
With regard to hair which is abnormal, because it grows in places where hair does not usually grow, such as a woman having a moustache or hair growing on her cheeks, there is nothing wrong with removing this, because it is abnormal and is disfiguring to the woman.
The Standing Committee was asked about women removing facial hair, and they replied as follows:
It is OK for a woman to remove hair on the upper lip, thighs, calves and arms. This is not the same as plucking (eyebrows), which is forbidden.
‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood

Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 5/194, 195
The Standing Committee was also asked:
What is the ruling on a woman removing hair from her body; if it is permissible, then who is allowed to do that for her?
They answered:
It is permissible for her (to remove) everything except her eyebrows and the hair on her head; it is not permissible for her to remove those, or to remove anything from the eyebrows whether by shaving or any other means. She, her husband or one of her mahrams may do that for her, with regard to the parts of the body that they are permitted to see; or another woman may do that, with regard to the parts of the body that she is permitted to see
‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 5/194
The hair of the private parts and the thighs may not be seen by either another woman or a mahram.
It is forbidden for a woman to remove her eyebrows or part of them by any means, whether it be by shaving, cutting, using a depilatory substance, because this constitutes the plucking for which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does it, i.e., the women who plucks all or part of her eyebrows, claiming that it is for the purpose of beautification, or the woman who does that for her. This is changing the creation of Allaah which the Shaytaan promised to enjoin upon the sons of Adam.

See the answer to Question No. 2162, 1172, 1192

See also al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, part 3, p. 877-879
(courtesy of www.islam-qa.com)

[MISTAKE]

posts 8 and 13 seem to say opposite things. i asked a certain scolar and his reply was similar to post 8. this scolar is hanafi/deobandi.

so whos right and whos wrong?

[Unreg]

posts 8 and 13 seem to say opposite things. i asked a certain scolar and his reply was similar to post 8. this scolar is hanafi/deobandi.

so whos right and whos wrong?

Post 8 is according to the Hanafi Madhab,post 13 is according to the Salafis.

[MISTAKE]

Post 8 is according to the Hanafi Madhab,post 13 is according to the Salafis.

I follow hanafi and so does this sister.

What now?

[MISTAKE]

I follow hanafi and so does this sister.

What now?

Anyone?

[carol_au]

Salaam to all

I just wanted to shed some light on the above hadith that was posted.

The details below are taken from a book called: Rulings Pertaining To Muslim Women by Saleh Fauzan Al-Fauzan

“….then he explained the hadith that “the wives of the Prophet (pbuh) used to cut hair from their heards until they looked like wafra (the Arabic name given to the shape of the hair when it is left to reach the top lobe of the ear)

The wives of the Prophet (pbuh) cut there hair after the death of the Prophet (pbuh). Because they used to beautify themselves for him during his lifetime and from there most gorgeous symbols of beauty was the hair. But after his death his wives were given a special ruling unique among all women of the earth that they were not permitted to every marry again. So they were like the women who are in there Iddah period after the death upto there own death. Now because they had not reason to look beautiful they were permitted to cut there hair…..”

It is not permitted for other women for no reason to cut hair to this length.

Inshallah I hope this makes it clear that women are not allowed to cut hair. BUT
It is allowed if you are having problems with it. As sister anna has said such as split ends and so forth.

But Brother what concerns me more than this hair business is that just from what you are saying if you started to cry while praying Salah it looks like you have got too much involved with this sister. You should have spoken to her wali by now. Any person who starts to cry over someone like this has gone far into it and if this is how you feel you should talk to her wali first before you contact her again because you seem to be getting too much involved and this is wrong. By now the devil is playing on your mind. You must know of the hadith that if there are two people then the third id the devil. I know that you only email but the devil is still with you. The way to do it is that you see and like someone over a web site right then you ask for her wali’s details and take it from there.

Brother seek advice now BEFORE YOU MAKE CONTACT WITH THIS SISTER AGAIN from people of more knowledge because you could even be leading yourself in to haraam.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

Wa Salaam

Abdal Majid Ibn Muhammad Shafi

and what about women with hair conditions whose hair won't grow?

how does Islam teach about them keeping their hair short so they keep their hair?

[dhakiyya]

and what about women with hair conditions whose hair won't grow?

how does Islam teach about them keeping their hair short so they keep their hair?

of course such a woman would be excused, Allah knows her situation, that she has short hair or no hair because of a medical condition.

one excellent thing about wearing hijab is that a woman who has a medical condition that affects her hair is able to keep this fact about herself private.

[carol_au]

of course such a woman would be excused, Allah knows her situation, that she has short hair or no hair because of a medical condition.

one excellent thing about wearing hijab is that a woman who has a medical condition that affects her hair is able to keep this fact about herself private.

I had that thought myself a few weeks ago :)

[amatullah_amina]

aslamu alaikum warehmatullah wabaraktu,

if u follow hanafi hees the answer:


Women Cutting Their Hair

Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

A very venerable shaykh told us that it was makruh tahrimi for a woman to cut her hair unless absolutely necessary. What if one's husband wants her to cut it? Is that considered to be one of those "absolutely necessary" cases?



Walaikum assalam wa rahmatullah,


According to leading Hanafi scholars of Syria, including Shaykh Adib Kallas, there is no harm in a woman cutting her hair, as long as:


a) it remains feminine (and thus does not resemble men);

b) it is not cut with the express intent of imitating non-Muslim fashions; and

c) it is not cut ‘excessively’.


The texts in the Hanafi school indicating impermissibility of women cutting their hair are understood—these scholars say—to be conditioned by the above considerations.


In the Shafii school, it is permitted to even cut the hair very short if the husband prefers it that way.


Please go to www.SunniPath.com, and search for women cutting hair


And Allah alone gives success.


Wassalam,


Faraz Rabbani
source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=4319&CATE=178


secondly, brother theres is sth abt online matrimonial plz read it cuz inshaAllah it will be helpful too ( taken frm hanafi fiqh):

There are several online matrimonial sites where you can look for potential suitors. I can't vouch for each and every website, but some successful matches have resulted from online matrimonials. Two of the most popular sites are: www.zawaj.com and www.nikah.com. Some matrimonial sites require that a sister have a wali (guardian) in order to post her ad. Others prefer that the sister post her wali's contact information, rather than her own. This is obviously for the sister's protection.


A note of caution about online matrimonials: The nature of cyberspace lends itself to anonymity. It's very easy for people to misrepresent themselves online. Trust your instincts. If you feel that something's not right with someone, then don't pursue discussions with them. Never give out your personal information. Once you feel that someone has potential, get that person in touch with your wali or family. Make sure that your wali or family thoroughly checks this person out before you proceed with the first meeting. And always insist that the potential suitor provide references. This advice applies to whoever you meet, whether it's through a website or at school or work or anything else.


As to methods of communication, this depends on what you feel comfortable with. If you find someone through an online matrimonial, I believe that initial communication will proceed via email. You may want to correspond with the person through email or snail mail (regular mail) before you decide to meet. Once you feel like this person really has potential, then it's important to arrange a face-to-face meeting in the presence of your wali or family members. It is entirely up to you how often and for how long you meet. A short meeting where everyone introduces themselves and establishes common ground may be better than a long meeting at first. If you both decide that you'd like to meet again, then you can have longer meetings to discuss issues of importance.


Once again, it's important to consider two things:


1. Always meet in the presence of your wali or family members. This is for your protection. Your father is your natural wali, or guardian. If he doesn't want to take this role, then I would suggest your grandfather, brother, or uncle. If none are available, then it is imperative that you ask a pious, mature brother from the community to act as your wali. Once you find a potential suitor, make sure to direct him to your wali.


2. If you correspond via email or talk on the phone, make sure that your conversations are reflective of Islamic propriety. Once you feel attracted to each other and are quite sure you want to marry, then I would suggest that you cut down emailing and phone conversations. This is better for both of you in terms of adab. At this point, it is better to have serious meetings in the presence of your chaperone to hash out the final details of the wedding.


I pray that Allah gives you success in your search for a righteous spouse.

And Allah knows best.


Umm Salah (Zaynab Ansari)
source: http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=4901&CATE=10

i hope this makes matter clear inshaAllah...
and yes DO ask Allah's guidance thru istikhara...
May Allah (SWT) make it extremely easy for u insaAllah...hadeeth: the best of marriages are the easiest ones.

walaikum alsam warehmatullahi wabarakatu