Physical looks over personality?

[Dev]

I am curious to find out why looks are so important when it comes to marriage. I can say that I haven't seen many women in my search for a partner, but those girls who I have seen seem to only be interested in looks. When we meet they seem to be constantly looking at me...the up and down look. Then comes the phonecall..." You are a lovely person and have a great personality but you are not what I am looking for." Now I know I may not be the best looking person but I am not looking for external beauty as I truelly believe that someone who can make me laugh, cheer me up when I am down etc are the qualities I am looking for. Someone who is independent and has thoughts and views of her own is so important to me but from the otherside I get the complete opposite. Yet when I talk to other Muslim women they feel the exact same way...that men are only interested in having "arm candy." Do we not realize that external beauty does in-fact fade and sometimes rapidly and that all that is left is the honest heart...or in some cases the "black heart." Your comments are much appreciated...but please refrain from any snide or rude comments. Thanks.

[Guvna]

Your comments are much appreciated...but please refrain from any snide or rude comments. Thanks.

Salams,

Yeh for sure.. looks aint everything! but like you says.... everyone has their own opinnion! for some it is an important thing... some it may be the ONLY thing! dpeends what floats ya boat kinda thing!

They should realise.. looks aint the be all and end all!
and yeh.. you will meet sisters in everyday life whoo think the same as you! but the ones you go to look at are a different cup of tea! guess tahts just the way things are! (Sods law?!)

but im sure one for personalities over looks! for sure!:up:

[PRANA]

Salaam,
Well I can only answer for myself here:
Looks DO matter when it comes to choosing the person you are going to marry and spend the rest of your life with- after all you are not just looking for a friend-the physical attraction part has to be there.
That said: Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder AND
Beauty comes in different shapes, sizes and colours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So..basically one shouldn't get locked up in one sort of type and reject all those who do not match your picture of the perfect type.......
Unique beauty is found in imperfection
I also believe that your inner beauty or ugliness for that matter begins to show eventually so yea beauty isn't ONE-DIMENSIONAL

Peace

[IslamGurl]

I am curious to find out why looks are so important when it comes to marriage. I can say that I haven't seen many women in my search for a partner, but those girls who I have seen seem to only be interested in looks. When we meet they seem to be constantly looking at me...the up and down look. Then comes the phonecall..." You are a lovely person and have a great personality but you are not what I am looking for." Now I know I may not be the best looking person but I am not looking for external beauty as I truelly believe that someone who can make me laugh, cheer me up when I am down etc are the qualities I am looking for. Someone who is independent and has thoughts and views of her own is so important to me but from the otherside I get the complete opposite. Yet when I talk to other Muslim women they feel the exact same way...that men are only interested in having "arm candy." Do we not realize that external beauty does in-fact fade and sometimes rapidly and that all that is left is the honest heart...or in some cases the "black heart." Your comments are much appreciated...but please refrain from any snide or rude comments. Thanks.


I think everyboby have their own opinion!But looks are not enything,personality is importent then look.If you have a good heart,You will found the one who loves just the way You are!!!Don`t worry Brother:)


allah Hafiz!

[Arsalan]

Depends how shallow u are , iam approximately 58% shallow in this respek.

We are all beautiful in one way or another, beauty and lovability depends on a number of variables , some of which is physical, spiritual, personality and so forth.

[ur_yusra]

Men are more shallow then women.

Period.

[~*UC*~]

It's quite simple really...

Deen should obviously come first and that should be the first thing you look for in a person. However, I really can't understand how one could marry someone who they are not attracted to....and just because one person doesn't find a person attractive it doesn't mean they are not attractive, they may be attractive to another person. Furthermore, attraction is not just about looks, people are naturally drawn to some and not others, something to do with the soul I think. Also, if you are attracted to the person you marry, you're less likely to do anything haraam, and so marrying someone you find unattractive and then fall into zina and haraam defeats the purpose of marriage.

[RashidD]

Men are more shallow then women.

Period.
:torture: :rolleyes:

[Al Qadr]

I wouldnt like it if my husband had a crap personality it would drive me mad :torture:

There needs to be a balance between looks and personality, but deen/how practisin the guy is, is the most important factor, cos he may be good looking but if he aint practisin then >>> :buttkick: BYE BYE :p

[muslimah85]

the more you get to know a person and observe their character the more beautiful they become :inlove:

'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' :inlove:

Personality over looks any day :)

[Nawar]

It's quite simple really...

Deen should obviously come first and that should be the first thing you look for in a person. However, I really can't understand how one could marry someone who they are not attracted to....and just because one person doesn't find a person attractive it doesn't mean they are not attractive, they may be attractive to another person. Furthermore, attraction is not just about looks, people are naturally drawn to some and not others, something to do with the soul I think. Also, if you are attracted to the person you marry, you're less likely to do anything haraam, and so marrying someone you find unattractive and then fall into zina and haraam defeats the purpose of marriage.

Sis UC you have definately hit the nail on the head with some of the comments there :up:

Thats what I call a realistic take on things.

lol Yusra :p

[Al-Irhaab]

physical looks arent the be all and end all.... but aint no brother marrying no fat girl :vomit: thats just nasty.... :torture:

[`asiya]

as salamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh, personally i think a man may look handsome initially but when you hear what comes out of their mouths they become more and more ugly by the minute, and they develop a kind of blandness, on the other hand a person may not be conventionally so called "good looking" and the more they are loving and obeying Allah the more gentle and kind they are, then the more beautiful they become, check out the story of julaybeeb and his wife radiallahu anh ( i wont post here im sure its in the section under learn islam/sahabbas) this story makes me cry subhanallah to see the iman of jualybeeb and his wife masha Allah they only cared about the deen. Anyway beauty is transient i mean imagine you marry the most beautiful woman ( in your opinion) but not much else going on there, then imagine that she has some awful accident and her face is scarred for life then what will you be left with? or seeing as all a man gets to see is a womans hands and face before marriage she could have a wooden leg under her jilbab for all your know so then what you gonna divorce her for having no leg? cos that would be injustice.and when old age kicks in for both of you, then what will you be left with? (this is usually when such people go off to find something younger to recapture the beauty of youth) if you go for beauty only and have very little in common and nothing much to say to each other what a miserable life you may live. Personally i think that everybody is beautiful, in fact even what some may call "ugly" people, are so ugly theyre faces are really interesting and same goes for really old people covered with deep furrows and wrinkles they are so very beautiful in their uniqueness. i once heard a brother say that he prefer to marry for deen and he prefer his wife to wear niqab even if she is very ugly because ugly men will find her attractive :D anyway if we all make it to jannah insha allah ta ala which surely is our goal, then there for example the women of earth will be even more beautiful then the huriyeen of jannah so who cares about a poxy 60,70 or Allah knows best how many years we temporarilly live here, subhanallah marry for the deen, not wealth or status or beauty,or as the prophet salallahu alleyhi wa salam said, you will be a looser.:lailah: May Allah guide us to goodness amin

[muslimah85]

physical looks arent the be all and end all.... but aint no brother marrying no fat girl :vomit: thats just nasty.... :torture:
Likewise 'bruv' so make sure all your breed hit the gym, the sisters want hubbies who can actually walk without getting out of breath all the time :p

[sajid]

Check the Brothers forum out theres a Discussion on this a very interesting one and we concluded one thing ;)

[muslimah85]

^^
:rolleyes:

[ur_yusra]

Check the Brothers forum out theres a Discussion on this a very interesting one and we concluded one thing ;)

erm.. not to be rude ( because I'm never rude :rolleyes: )..

But shouldnt all references to the brothers section be made in the brothers section.

Unless theres something you want to share?

[sajid]

no im telling him to check teh thread out if he wants to cross reference

[`asiya]

physical looks arent the be all and end all.... but aint no brother marrying no fat girl :vomit: thats just nasty.... :torture:

(sorry me again ;) ) now see this is where beauty is in the eye of the beholder i saw a t.v show where the people in a region of africa (I think it was sudan) force feed their girls milk from a young age to make them fat till when they reach late twenties they can hardly walk because theyre so big, but this is considered beauty by the men of this area, because in africa if your thin then you are poor and starving and no one will marry you. I also know many very big women who are being snapped up in marriage by brothers Alhamdulillah and remember the narrations about sawda radiallahu anha who was a very large woman who had trouble walking as a result of her size, but this is the first woman that rasoolAllah salallahhu alleyhi wa salam married after the death of khadijah radiallahu anha, muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam and the sahabbas married for more important reasons than looks maybe they knew something we have forgotten in these times..

[Abu Mus'ab]

no im telling him to check teh thread out if he wants to cross reference

Why Dont You post A Link For Him As Well?

[sajid]

Ill bump it up or pm him

[Abu Mus'ab]

Ill bump it up or pm him

Its Not Neccessary He Wont be Needing It.

[bint]

Why Dont You post A Link For Him As Well?


lol? he gna post that here? so we can be sneaky?:D :p####edited!!

[sajid]

Its Not Neccessary He Wont be Needing It.

:up::up::up:

[Abu Mus'ab]

lol? he gna so that here? so we can be sneaky?:D :p

I Dont Understand What You Said.

But Its not Like you Have Access There Anyway,Or Do You....

[bint]

I Dont Understand What You Said.

But Its not Like you Have Access There Anyway.


na na na na..lol..of course i dont:rolleyes: wait a minute who sed?i do?:torture:

[Abu Mus'ab]

na na na na..lol..of course i dont:rolleyes: wait a minute who sed?i do?:torture:

Then Can Someone Please Translate This For Me "he gna so that here"

And I Edited My post Already.

[bint]

Then Can Someone Please Translate This For Me "he gna so that here"

And I Edited My post Already.


loool...

yeah ahem sorry..my bad. ive redited..me post.

[Nawar]

Oh please...(to some of the comments on this thread) :rolleyes:

[Dev]

physical looks arent the be all and end all.... but aint no brother marrying no fat girl :vomit: thats just nasty.... :torture:


What did I say about snide comments!!! I feel very sorry for people like you. Hopefully you will soon understand how insensitive your comment is and will apologise for such and arrogant and pathetic excuse for your masculinity. oh dear...:-(

[bint]

What did I say about snide comments!!! I feel very sorry for people like you. Hopefully you will soon understand how insensitive your comment is and will apologise for such and arrogant and pathetic excuse for your masculinity. oh dear...:-(


never take his comments to heart...:D

[Al-Irhaab]

What did I say about snide comments!!! I feel very sorry for people like you. Hopefully you will soon understand how insensitive your comment is and will apologise for such and arrogant and pathetic excuse for your masculinity. oh dear...:-(

huh im being honest with u and ur saying im being snide... i would not marry a fat woman... thats the hones truth... obesity is not allowed in islam... :rolleyes: fat women man... ughhhh

sawdah (ra) was of quite an age firstly, secondly she was very large primarily in height thirdly she was sahbiyah and ummum muminoon :inlove:

but seriously man why eat so much that ur bloated and obese i mean i wouldnt expect a sister to marry some 24 stone guy who cant stop eating... :rolleyes:

looks are important at the end of the day that is the simple truth, however there is one look which is say not in ur control ie colour of ur skin a scar or ehtnicity features... and then there is the other which is in ur control ie.. if a woman has facial hair and doesnt get rid of it etc or is obese or doesnt wash her face etc etc i would not marry a woman like
that :vomit:

as for my masculinity dont worry i aint got no insecurities about that alhamdulillah :rolleyes:

[Abu Mus'ab]

Just To Point Out One Point Of Al Irhaab.

Narated By Ibn 'Umar : Allah's Apostle said, "A believer eats in one intestine (is satisfied with a little food), and a kafir (unbeliever) or a hypocrite eats in seven intestines (eats too much)."

Bukhari

[Abu Mus'ab]

fat women man... ughhhh


Whats A Woman Man?

[Nawar]

This notion that oh fat people are those who just eat too much, is not actually correct. It can be due to a number of factors.

Anyway, theres not many 'urghhhh obese sisters' out there anyway, so why people are wasting their time even bringing up the issue is lame.

[Al-Irhaab]

This notion that oh fat people are those who just eat too much, is not actually correct. It can be due to a number of factors.

Anyway, theres not many 'urghhhh obese sisters' out there anyway, so why people are wasting their time even bringing up the issue is lame.

most fat people are fat cause they eat too much... this thing of im ill... yeah ur disease is lack of self control when it comes to food :rolleyes:

man too many fat sisters around nowadays .... is important advice to fat sisters.. if they want to get married lose weight... or well marry fat brothers :inlove:

[sajid]

:rubeyes: :rubeyes:

[Nawar]

Oh please.

Read the title of the thread (most people do that before they comment on a thread).

If anyone wants to talk about something else, start your own boring thread.

[bint]

most fat people are fat cause they eat too much... this thing of im ill... yeah ur disease is lack of self control when it comes to food :rolleyes:

man too many fat sisters around nowadays .... is important advice to fat sisters.. if they want to get married lose weight... or well marry fat brothers :inlove:

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

bro..are you in a crisis?

[Abu Mus'ab]

most fat people are fat cause they eat too much... this thing of im ill... yeah ur disease is lack of self control when it comes to food :rolleyes:

man too many fat sisters around nowadays .... is important advice to fat sisters.. if they want to get married lose weight... or well marry fat brothers :inlove:

Im Afraid I Disagree With You On This.

I Know many People That Are Fat And They Did not get Fat From Eating.

Some People Have Sicknesses Which Makes Them Fat They Cant Help It.

[bint]

Im Afraid I Disagree With You On This.

I Know many People That Are Fat And They Did not get Fat From Eating.

Some People Have Sicknesses Which Makes Them Fat They Cant Help It.

:shock:

[Lou.]

Salam Aleikum

Now I don’t know where you live so it difficult for me to say if the girls in your country / town do care about the look. But it seem like the people who is around you are very focusing on the look. I can tell you brother that it is not all girls who is like that. I know many sisters who seriously don’t care about the look and especially when it comes to married someone. We have to remember that married is a very unique thing and it is not only about to take someone in this lifetime, but also in the afterlife. It has to be a good person you can live with the rest of our life. You can’t use a pretty guy to anything if he is not a good Moslem.

Personally I can never be attractive or interesting to a guy just by looking at him. I have to know which kind of values he have and how his Islamic manner is (it very important for me and I think it tell a lot about who the person is). I know a lot of people around me thinks that crazy and it will be very difficult for me to meet the right one, but my brain do not work like other people….

But another thing I have notice is brothers who become attractive to girls they only see at a picture or one time, and then they say they want to get married with this girl. For me that totally crazy and I don’t think they are rational or know what marriage is about. I’m very sorry brothers, but that my opinion.

Anyway, I hope that you all find someone who don’t care about the look and is only focusing at the inside beauty.

Ma'salam

[LiveIslam]

Im Afraid I Disagree With You On This.

I Know many People That Are Fat And They Did not get Fat From Eating.

Some People Have Sicknesses Which Makes Them Fat They Cant Help It.

that is so true some ppl have a illness i watched i documentary about a guy when ever he falls asleep he sleep walk and without knowing he eats through his sleep he cant help it. he went to doctors took pills nothing worked but he still cant stop.

sajid i havent got access to the sisters room yet :(

[Abu Mus'ab]

that is so true some ppl have a illness i watched i documentary about a guy when ever he falls asleep he sleep walk and without knowing he eats through his sleep he cant help it. he went to doctors took pills nothing worked but he still cant stop.

sajid i havent got access to the sisters room yet :(

I Dont Think Sajid Can Give You Access To The Sisters Section You Need To Ask A Female Admin.

Try Asking On This Thread.

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=54988

[LiveIslam]

yer i just went to the thread and it says it there insallah i will get it must be sabr

[bint]

Fa Sabrun Jameel.