View Full Version : Need Some Advice!!! Shall I Marry Here Or Back Home.can I Hav Some Advice!!!
Gujiguy
11-06-06, 04:28 PM
Just Cant Decide Waht To Do....so If U Ppl Can Give Me Some Advice And Mayb Share Your Experiences.....itll Be Appreciated.jazakkallah!!
Arsalan
11-06-06, 05:12 PM
Go home.
All of you, go home.
elusive_phoenix
11-06-06, 05:41 PM
go home?
why/???
Marry Someoen back home :)
since ur guji theres a lot of nice sisters back home im sure lol
muslimah85
11-06-06, 07:16 PM
never marry back home,
nothing wrong with that ^^
muslimah85
11-06-06, 07:23 PM
^^ 101 reasons as to why not. incompatibility for instance, language, reasoning and in most cases their version of islam is very cultural (i know im steryotying here but its mostly the case)
marry here theres loads of sisters looking to get married. i dont even know why people get married back home :confused: why?
Most ma mates i know married back home they say girls here are too fussy lol
Most ma mates i know married back home they say girls here are too fussy lol
is that why they get marrried back home??
thats sad.
i wud never get married backhome!!:rubeyes:
is that why they get marrried back home??
thats sad.
i wud never get married backhome!!:rubeyes:
Yeh that is the Reason I KNOW people who use that excuse to
for guys to get married back home its ok
but for girls esp if they in UK then maybe its no good
for guys it not much of a problem
Its not really sad i guess just bad expierence for these peopel which leave them with a Idealogy of Generalisation
Yeh that is the Reason I KNOW people who use that excuse to
for guys to get married back home its ok
but for girls esp if they in UK then maybe its no good
for guys it not much of a problem
hmm okay:rubeyes:
muslimah85
11-06-06, 07:42 PM
most guys do what they like growing up here and then marry a 'good girl from back home who wont stand up to him', sadly its not for islamic reasons nor are they fiding a compatible spouse just someone who 'will do'
sad state of affairs really
lol ^^ what do mean by "Stand up to him" in what sense?
muslimah85
11-06-06, 07:52 PM
lol ^^ what do mean by "Stand up to him" in what sense?
be independant, inquire, talk her mind etc i know im genralising its just i havent seen one situation that isnt the case.
you want a spouse your on the same level with, can talk to , laugh one who understands your jokes and gets where your coming from! ;p
lol ^^ what do mean by "Stand up to him" in what sense?
well i must say that not all gyals are quiet from back home..they are conniving themselves..
and its true when.. guys do 'evrythng' here in england.....and go back home to get married....its sad...
^^ speak to u on radio :p
ur_yusra
11-06-06, 08:17 PM
For guys to marry back home - its not a problem.
For women its a different story.
GujiGuy I assume back home for you is India? Well go ahead why not? Why are you so confused about the issue?
Its really a matter of personal choice. I agree with muslimah85, men have the mentality that by marrying abroad they will have that 'obedient' wife. I would rather men with that mentality married abroad and saved us British women the hassle. They will find a backlash since women from back home are much slyer then us. They are just more intelligent when it comes to life situations. We on the other hand are maybe more naive?
Women from back home probably know how to cook more dishes as well. So if you love your food then another reason to marry from back home.
If you are looking for deen, then many practising sisters in the UK for you to choose from (thats if you live in UK).
Its your choice.
I dunno what to do myself! :) Definately 101 bad reasons getting married here and also 101 bad reasons getting married back home!
Most ma mates i know married back home they say girls here are too fussy lol
speak to the same mates after their wives have got "indefinate stay in the country" see if they still feel the same :
"oooohhh she suddenley speaks!!!" :rolleyes:
My personal opinion, if u want your marriage 2 hav any chance of success then marry from here.
LOL, Ok I shouldnt be laughing, but muslim girl is right. One of my friends got married from "back home". His wife was in this country with him for about 5 years. For some reason it took them 5 years to get her indefinate stay. As soon as she got it, DAYS latter they are thinking about getting a divorce!
So yet, girls from back home will stay quiet and put up with you until they get the indefinate stay!
Rather crafty if you ask me!
Humble1
11-06-06, 09:23 PM
hmmm.....any more views ?????
if u want calculating, scheming, conniving, then girls from uk are thick as two planks when it comes to stuff like that. (including me).
If ur from UK marry from UK, if your from Pakistan, india, then marry from those countries, dont complicate things for your marriage, they are gonna be complicated enuff as it is.
Personnally, I don't think it matters. I think you need to look for a pious muslim wife who wants to follow nothing but an islamic way of life. If you can find a wife like that, then it should not matter if she it from here or from back home.
I'm still looking for one of them! :)
well like i sed..
on radio..
that why wud it make a difference to a guys life/??
wudnt he want a wife that is familiar and on the same level as him?
no offence to the back home sisters..tho some of em are conniving..and ohhh do i hate that!!
alhamdulillah my sister in law..is wikd..shes a chiller. :P
if u want calculating, scheming, conniving, then girls from uk are thick as two planks when it comes to stuff like that. (including me).
If ur from UK marry from UK, if your from Pakistan, india, then marry from those countries, dont complicate things for your marriage, they are gonna be complicated enuff as it is.
aye me sis me thinks i agree ith ya...about the highlighted part more......:outta:
muslima_89
11-06-06, 10:00 PM
it depends on the individual really, if a guy thinks he can live with a girl from back home then he should go for it, iam sure not all the girls from back home only come here for the 'british citizenship' some are well and truely genuine :)
i suppose sajid is right girls here are getting a little out of hand and they expect a bit too much from their husbands aswell as being the controlling type, but slowly the girls from backhome are also becoming this way :)
muslima_89
11-06-06, 10:01 PM
:rolleyes: :up:
[quote=muslima_89]it depends on the individual really, if a guy thinks he can live with a girl from back home then he should go for it, iam sure not all the girls from back home only come here for the 'british citizenship' some are well and truely genuine :)
99.9% from back home are like this , i have alot of friends and family married from back home and not 1 is happy (they all switched and turned on them after passport, some did worse!)
i suppose sajid is right girls here are getting a little out of hand and they expect a bit too much from their husbands aswell as being the controlling type, but slowly the girls from backhome are also becoming this way :)
high expectations and being controlling are personality and integrity issues, these need to be pinpointed and sussed out (whihc is quite easy inshallah by looking at their actions, ideals and answers to your questions from the outset, nothing to do with girls being from the uk, in my opinion.
Personnally, I don't think it matters. I think you need to look for a pious muslim wife who wants to follow nothing but an islamic way of life. If you can find a wife like that, then it should not matter if she it from here or from back home.
I'm still looking for one of them! :)
thats all good an fine but when u marry from back home, u marry 20-30 of her family memebers at the same time and when that happens a WHOLE LOADA years are coming ahead ,full of politics, underhandedness, scheming etc by all of them and many queries of why u still havent sent their beloved daughter back home to visit (even tho she went 6 months ago :p ).
People back home have no concept of "once your married you have your own life,u have children and a home and its not that easy to jus drop everything and come .
imran1976
11-06-06, 10:39 PM
thats all good an fine but when u marry from back home, u marry 20-30 of her family memebers at the same time and when that happens a WHOLE LOADA years are coming ahead ,full of politics, underhandedness, scheming etc by all of them and many queries of why u still havent sent their beloved daughter back home to visit (even tho she went 6 months ago :p ).
People back home have no concept of "once your married you have your own life,u have children and a home and its not that easy to jus drop everything and come .
hey' who says that. sure we do have a concept of our own life :D
imran1976
11-06-06, 10:47 PM
if u want calculating, scheming, conniving, then girls from uk are thick as two planks when it comes to stuff like that. (including me).
If ur from UK marry from UK, if your from Pakistan, india, then marry from those countries, dont complicate things for your marriage, they are gonna be complicated enuff as it is.
i disagree! marry where u like be it here or there. i have seen quite a few here & there marriage. All r going well!
thats all good an fine but when u marry from back home, u marry 20-30 of her family memebers at the same time and when that happens a WHOLE LOADA years are coming ahead ,full of politics, underhandedness, scheming etc by all of them and many queries of why u still havent sent their beloved daughter back home to visit (even tho she went 6 months ago :p ).
People back home have no concept of "once your married you have your own life,u have children and a home and its not that easy to jus drop everything and come .
Sorry if I offend anyone, but there is a problem with pakistani and indian girls! No one in my family circle or friends circle knows a pakistani or indian girl who does not watch indian movies.
These days indian movies are no different from pornography!
I am sure there are pakistani or indian girls who dont willingly watch indian movies, but I don't know any. If anyone knows any, please give me there brothers or fathers datails so I can try to make a proposal! :D
thats all good an fine but when u marry from back home, u marry 20-30 of her family memebers at the same time and when that happens a WHOLE LOADA years are coming ahead ,full of politics, underhandedness, scheming etc by all of them and many queries of why u still havent sent their beloved daughter back home to visit (even tho she went 6 months ago :p ).
People back home have no concept of "once your married you have your own life,u have children and a home and its not that easy to jus drop everything and come .
In islam it says you gotta look after your parents till the end! So even if you get married, you gotta look after your parents! You cant just say, oh we have our own life now. Dont want to know you, we might come and visit twice a year!
hey' who says that. sure we do have a concept of our own life :D
You have a concept of your life or our life? :p
i disagree! marry where u like be it here or there. i have seen quite a few here & there marriage. All r going well!
Insha'Allah!
imran1976
11-06-06, 11:13 PM
[quote=muslima_89]it depends on the individual really, if a guy thinks he can live with a girl from back home then he should go for it, iam sure not all the girls from back home only come here for the 'british citizenship' some are well and truely genuine :)
99.9% from back home are like this , i have alot of friends and family married from back home and not 1 is happy (they all switched and turned on them after passport, some did worse!)
i suppose sajid is right girls here are getting a little out of hand and they expect a bit too much from their husbands aswell as being the controlling type, but slowly the girls from backhome are also becoming this way :)
high expectations and being controlling are personality and integrity issues, these need to be pinpointed and sussed out (whihc is quite easy inshallah by looking at their actions, ideals and answers to your questions from the outset, nothing to do with girls being from the uk, in my opinion.
thats a big generalisation. why people forget that their father/grand father were also back from home............
why is that people think we back in homes are dieing to enter u.k' hey' we back at homes are happy with our lives. Even if some ppl move for jobs/studies/business , i mean the britishers aren't giving any favor to them. The britishers need labor force, they generate revenue from student visas. if thats not the case why they don't just ban the entry of ppl's back from home.........
why is that britishers think that people back from homes use british woman-man to enter u.k. There r many other better ways - student visa, business visa, visit visa' i mean i have lots of relatives there working, i have friends there studying. None of them used a britisher to enter u.k...............
& why is that if a marriage breaks , it's always people back from home end up being bad guyz & britishers good guyz???????????????????????
muslimahsister
12-06-06, 07:44 AM
For guys to marry back home - its not a problem.
For women its a different story.
GujiGuy I assume back home for you is India? Well go ahead why not? Why are you so confused about the issue?
Its really a matter of personal choice. I agree with muslimah85, men have the mentality that by marrying abroad they will have that 'obedient' wife. I would rather men with that mentality married abroad and saved us British women the hassle. They will find a backlash since women from back home are much slyer then us. They are just more intelligent when it comes to life situations. We on the other hand are maybe more naive?
Women from back home probably know how to cook more dishes as well. So if you love your food then another reason to marry from back home.
If you are looking for deen, then many practising sisters in the UK for you to choose from (thats if you live in UK).
Its your choice.
salaam i totally agree 100%:D
ze leetle elper
12-06-06, 08:00 AM
I am going to sit on the fence on this one (and eat my popcorn :D )
*watches muslimgirl and imran1976 gouge each others eyes out :p *
hey' who says that. sure we do have a concept of our own life :D
tu kithu aa gaya !! :p
im talking about wen the partner is from uk and not pakistan. Then u conveniently forget that concept.:rolleyes:
In islam it says you gotta look after your parents till the end! So even if you get married, you gotta look after your parents! You cant just say, oh we have our own life now. Dont want to know you, we might come and visit twice a year!
im not talking about not looking after your parents/family etc astaghfirulla, from back home this is the kinda thing im talking about:
(real example of people i know)
January: beta we need internet :confused:
Feburary : bro, i need ipod, cos the next door neighbour got one.
march: the 2 sister in laws have a had a fight and cant live together any longer, can u build a separate house for one of them?
April: need sony camcorder, the neighbours will be so jealous wen they see it (it never gets used)
May : we need a new model car
June, the ipod doesnt work anymore can u send another one asap
july : need a playstion 3, teh other one is old now
need i go on?
if my parents were back home, your too right i would feed and look after them but the above is jus ridiculous, they take adavantage of u....and dont think about the repercussions this could have on that persons marriage or financial situation.
and heres what happens if u dont send the above items cos of no money:
"he goes to engliand and forgets his own paretns, disgusting, your no son of mine!!"
:rolleyes:
marriages have enuff pressure without all the above on your head.
i disagree! marry where u like be it here or there. i have seen quite a few here & there marriage. All r going well!
how have u seen wen they are in uk and your over there?
trust me i have it all around me, and once the person from abroad comes over, their true colours are 99% shown and its downhill from their, i knwo what happens behind closed doors and its not nice.
What u see and hear in pakistan is the "candy floos coated side" i.e. a facade.
[quote=muslim girl]
thats a big generalisation. why people forget that their father/grand father were also back from home............
why is that people think we back in homes are dieing to enter u.k' hey' we back at homes are happy with our lives. Even if some ppl move for jobs/studies/business , i mean the britishers aren't giving any favor to them. The britishers need labor force, they generate revenue from student visas. if thats not the case why they don't just ban the entry of ppl's back from home.........
why is that britishers think that people back from homes use british woman-man to enter u.k. There r many other better ways - student visa, business visa, visit visa' i mean i have lots of relatives there working, i have friends there studying. None of them used a britisher to enter u.k...............
& why is that if a marriage breaks , it's always people back from home end up being bad guyz & britishers good guyz???????????????????????
its not a generalistaion, i have come acroos hundreds of couples married from back home to this day. i have yet to see one of them to be happy, none of them is happy.
One couple i thought were happy (and nearly changed what i thought), but last week i found out her freshie husband has done a runner and gone back home becos the police are after him , all the time he was here he was doing fraud!!:torture: now his poor wife and kids are left to deal with the police, disgusting.
Im afraid majority are dieing to come to UK...
i have yet to come across in my lifetime a man or woman from abroad who hasnt come here for the passport and money only... and then wen they got it, switched and shown their true colours.
yes maybe all are not like that , i and alot of other people i know, have yet to meet these RARETIES :D
im not talking about not looking after your parents/family etc astaghfirulla, from back home this is the kinda thing im talking about:
(real example of people i know)
January: beta we need internet :confused:
Feburary : bro, i need ipod, cos the next door neighbour got one.
march: the 2 sister in laws have a had a fight and cant live together any longer, can u build a separate house for one of them?
April: need sony camcorder, the neighbours will be so jealous wen they see it (it never gets used)
May : we need a new model car
June, the ipod doesnt work anymore can u send another one asap
july : need a playstion 3, teh other one is old now
need i go on?
if my parents were back home, your too right i would feed and look after them but the above is jus ridiculous, they take adavantage of u....and dont think about the repercussions this could have on that persons marriage or financial situation.
and heres what happens if u dont send the above items cos of no money:
"he goes to engliand and forgets his own paretns, disgusting, your no son of mine!!"
:rolleyes:
marriages have enuff pressure without all the above on your head.
Yeah you are right!
Those type of inlaws or even parents need major duas!
how have u seen wen they are in uk and your over there?
trust me i have it all around me, and once the person from abroad comes over, their true colours are 99% shown and its downhill from their, i knwo what happens behind closed doors and its not nice.
What u see and hear in pakistan is the "candy floos coated side" i.e. a facade.
Again I agree, but not EVERYONE is like that! There will be some people who are genuine! But then there will also be some people who are not genuine. This is true in both "back home" and here!
Ok I assume u guys are talking bout folks from back in Pakistan..........maybe its like that there i dont know cos thats not my origin...........
Gujiguy
12-06-06, 11:10 AM
so i think there is more plus points to marryin abroad then here...coz a lot of my friends who r married here ,gave me the advice to go abroad and find a wife..
so i think there is more plus points to marryin abroad then here...coz a lot of my friends who r married here ,gave me the advice to go abroad and find a wife..
but mybe cos they dont want u to get married to some chik here :P otherwise theyll get jelous :outta:
Ok I assume u guys are talking bout folks from back in Pakistan..........maybe its like that there i dont know cos thats not my origin...........
no, we are talking people from ABROAD, doesnt have to be pakistan, i was talking about this to this jamaican girl i work with and she went "they are excatly like that from jamaica too!" :D
so i think there is more plus points to marryin abroad then here...coz a lot of my friends who r married here ,gave me the advice to go abroad and find a wife..
its down to u as an individual, if it has worked for your mates, ti does nto automatically mean, that it will work for u.
so i think there is more plus points to marryin abroad then here...coz a lot of my friends who r married here ,gave me the advice to go abroad and find a wife..
its not where you marry from, its who you marry, so if you're a religious guy look for a religious girl , etc.
i think i said something similar before. in that you should look at his/her background, islamic house or bollywood house! is he interested in the world or the afterworld, how well is he or she islamially educated, how well manered are they (not weastern manners , but islamic manners) etc etc
another important point to consider is his or her parents. You can normally tell a lot by looking at the parents.
If you can find a partner who is more interested in islam and is from an islamic upbringing, then insha'allah it does not matter where you get married from
I still havn't found her yet, or Allah has not revealed her to me yet! :(
imran1976
12-06-06, 06:56 PM
how have u seen wen they are in uk and your over there?
trust me i have it all around me, and once the person from abroad comes over, their true colours are 99% shown and its downhill from their, i knwo what happens behind closed doors and its not nice.
What u see and hear in pakistan is the "candy floos coated side" i.e. a facade.
i'm wondering how come i see them when i'm here ...:scratch: :p , Miss DMG! i'm talkin of persons i personally know. All of them r havin happy life :up:
u said 99.9%, that was so kind of u that u spared 0.1% :rolleyes: ,
imran1976
12-06-06, 07:04 PM
I am going to sit on the fence on this one (and eat my popcorn :D )
*watches muslimgirl and imran1976 gouge each others eyes out :p *
yeah the show is for free u mean lil sister :p
nahh mann.......
me no think me like back home ka larka..
allow for a guy..but 4 moi? not even he is the last guy on earth...:D jokess..may i wud he he .
imran1976
12-06-06, 07:12 PM
[quote=imran1976]
its not a generalistaion, i have come acroos hundreds of couples married from back home to this day. i have yet to see one of them to be happy, none of them is happy.
One couple i thought were happy (and nearly changed what i thought), but last week i found out her freshie husband has done a runner and gone back home becos the police are after him , all the time he was here he was doing fraud!!:torture: now his poor wife and kids are left to deal with the police, disgusting.
Im afraid majority are dieing to come to UK...
i have yet to come across in my lifetime a man or woman from abroad who hasnt come here for the passport and money only... and then wen they got it, switched and shown their true colours.
yes maybe all are not like that , i and alot of other people i know, have yet to meet these RARETIES :D
don't be afraid, majority isn't dieing to go to uk, there's nothing special abt that country..........
obviously ppl go there to earn money, whats wrong with that :confused: . i don't know why don't u come across positive things ( ais pindoan kadi koi khair dee khabar naee aee :D )..........
As i said b4 , i have friends/relatives there. To be honest none of them used a britisher to enter uk, most of them r satisfied with their income but they also wish to be back home as soon as possible!
Al-Irhaab
12-06-06, 07:19 PM
man i shld have got married back home :(
you just cant beat manchester sisters... :D
london women are just :rolleyes:
man i shld have got married back home :(
you just cant beat manchester sisters... :D
london women are just :rolleyes:
ayeee u shud have...i feel sorry for ure wife..poor soul :outta:
imran1976
12-06-06, 07:22 PM
im not talking about not looking after your parents/family etc astaghfirulla, from back home this is the kinda thing im talking about:
(real example of people i know)
January: beta we need internet :confused:
Feburary : bro, i need ipod, cos the next door neighbour got one.
march: the 2 sister in laws have a had a fight and cant live together any longer, can u build a separate house for one of them?
April: need sony camcorder, the neighbours will be so jealous wen they see it (it never gets used)
May : we need a new model car
June, the ipod doesnt work anymore can u send another one asap
july : need a playstion 3, teh other one is old now
need i go on?
yeah go on- complete it upto December :D
imran1976
12-06-06, 07:25 PM
man i shld have got married back home :(
you just cant beat manchester sisters... :D
london women are just :rolleyes:
really or is it just ??????????/ :D
islamirama
12-06-06, 07:28 PM
http://www.youtube.com/v/vKVwwhSDofM
family ? growth?
hmmm still listening...:up:
yeah good stuff i just listened to it.
he makes sense..ppl forward to 4 min 50 seconds...;)
http://www.youtube.com/v/vKVwwhSDofM
the brother knows that he's talking about!
And as sr.bint just said 4:50 is VERY true. It's really sad how the parents of this country will take there MESSED UP sons back home and just RUIN the life of an innocent girl!
the brother knows that he's talking about!
And as sr.bint just said 4:50 is VERY true. It's really sad how the parents of this country will take there MESSED UP sons back home and just RUIN the life of an innocent girl!
tank u tank u..:inlove:
islamirama
13-06-06, 12:56 AM
the brother knows that he's talking about!
And as sr.bint just said 4:50 is VERY true. It's really sad how the parents of this country will take there MESSED UP sons back home and just RUIN the life of an innocent girl!
Paki girls aren't that innocent either these days...
Lahori chiks dueling it out outside pan-cake house in lahore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqP3dMnCJ-s
Khattab AK47
13-06-06, 03:43 AM
chicks are bad doesn metter were they from these days you cant really tell the diiffrenc i live in australia and i got married in paki a few mnthz ago i only came here 4 a visit with my parentz but i click it and got married and alhamdolilah i got married the aslamic way no paki crap if u wana no more let me no i mite be abl 2 help
Rie_Maya
13-06-06, 07:37 AM
Salaams,
Kem cho GujiGuy?
Personally I know of at least three Gujaratis - in recent years whom have married from back home. All have divorced astaghfirallah, one with a child involved. Most were not reated that well - even though was a 'good choice of girl from back home- nice match' etc etc.
In fact one blatantly stayed in the marriage for a passport, his aunt, her mum, gave her blessing for her daughter (his wife) to be successful in UK with a good career and divorce her hubby!
Another married and found that his wife was conducting numerous affairs, drinking etc.
The third found the differences between religious and cultural expectations too hard to deal with - the girl from back home was dominantly cultural rather than religious!
I know that this is rather pessimistic as there are many successful marriages I also know of, but manyof those have also said would have been easier to have ensured harmony perhaps, who knows, if they had been born in same country so had had similar life experiences!
:rolleyes:
islamirama
13-06-06, 12:43 PM
There was a Muslim who went to pak and got married, she came here (usa) and changed to catholic, divorced him and married a catholic and now is living in state of IL.
A there's a guy who married a girl from back home, pak. she came here (UK) and she is very good wife. They have a son and she stays home and never go out as per her husband's wish. But he has female friends he goes out with and socialize a lot with. When she tries to advise him, he yells at her and says he'll send her back home. He doesn't pay the phone bill so the phone is cut and she can't call outside and she doesn't know anyone or have any friends (because she's not allowed outside).
So you got bad apples here and there. Most indo-pak people marry because of either family status/profession or beauty. And you wonder why it never works out...
Supernova Nebula
16-06-06, 03:44 AM
There was a Muslim who went to pak and got married, she came here (usa) and changed to catholic, divorced him and married a catholic and now is living in state of IL.
A there's a guy who married a girl from back home, pak. she came here (UK) and she is very good wife. They have a son and she stays home and never go out as per her husband's wish. But he has female friends he goes out with and socialize a lot with. When she tries to advise him, he yells at her and says he'll send her back home. He doesn't pay the phone bill so the phone is cut and she can't call outside and she doesn't know anyone or have any friends (because she's not allowed outside).
So you got bad apples here and there. Most indo-pak people marry because of either family status/profession or beauty. And you wonder why it never works out...
ya Allah, that's so scary indeed.
There was a Muslim who went to pak and got married, she came here (usa) and changed to catholic, divorced him and married a catholic and now is living in state of IL.
A there's a guy who married a girl from back home, pak. she came here (UK) and she is very good wife. They have a son and she stays home and never go out as per her husband's wish. But he has female friends he goes out with and socialize a lot with. When she tries to advise him, he yells at her and says he'll send her back home. He doesn't pay the phone bill so the phone is cut and she can't call outside and she doesn't know anyone or have any friends (because she's not allowed outside).
So you got bad apples here and there. Most indo-pak people marry because of either family status/profession or beauty. And you wonder why it never works out...
if she cant contact anyone...how did u come to know of her story? :scratch:
Humble1
16-06-06, 11:31 AM
hmmmm it looks like all the girls from ere r jealous...@) looool....put ur act togethr den!!!!!
ur_yusra
16-06-06, 11:59 AM
hmmmm it looks like all the girls from ere r jealous...@) looool....put ur act togethr den!!!!!
Why don't you put your act together, that way you won't have to go all the way back home just to find a wife..
islamirama
16-06-06, 01:00 PM
if she cant contact anyone...how did u come to know of her story? :scratch:
She has internet :rolleyes:
Why don't you put your act together, that way you won't have to go all the way back home just to find a wife..
lol...ha ha humble u got one in ure face na na na na na:hidban:
Humble1
16-06-06, 07:17 PM
lol...ha ha humble u got one in ure face na na na na na:hidban:
NO comment!!!
NO comment!!!
:rubeyes: :rolleyes: .
Humble1
16-06-06, 07:26 PM
:rubeyes: :rolleyes: .
:D :hidban:
:D :hidban:
lol whattt?/?????:D
Why don't you put your act together, that way you won't have to go all the way back home just to find a wife..
init though. abouts. you get me
(apologies for teenage lingo) :p
Joking aside, Inshallah we should focus on ourselves first, instead of pointing the finger all too readily at others. If our act is together, inshallah Allah (swt) will bestow you with someone who has their act together.
Simple.
ur_yusra
16-06-06, 08:22 PM
init though. abouts. you get me
(apologies for teenage lingo) :p
Joking aside, Inshallah we should focus on ourselves first, instead of pointing the finger all too readily at others. If our act is together, inshallah Allah (swt) will bestow you with someone who has their act together.
Simple.
Masha'Allah well said.. :D
Masha'Allah well said.. :D
aye, wheres my rep points sister, click on the beautiful white tree and hand em over :badguy:
sorry :p
Humble1
16-06-06, 09:19 PM
lol whattt?/?????:D
nufin just showin u how clean my teeth r!!!!!!lol
I guess its personal preference.
When I was at uni, two of my friends at uni got married to girls back home. Both my friends are really good guys, and alhamdulillah both of their marriages have been sucessful.
I myself personally prefer to marry someone from the UK, mainly because if I was to marry back home I'm not the best at speaking in the home language and therefore there may end up being communication problems. Also a sister from the UK will know the culture/environment we live in, and inshallah be able to guide any kids we are blessed with.
Though there are many reason's people may marry back home:
Son/Daughter is messed up, so parents marry them to someone back home who is innocent.
Parents want you to marry within caste/tribe, difficult to find someone good with same caste/tribe, so marry back home.
The persception that Girls are too demanding in UK, therefore marry back home.
And plenty of other reasons.I'm just wondering what the sisters think to the persception many brothers seem to have about sisters in UK/USA being too demanding?
.: Anna :.
17-06-06, 01:02 AM
Sorrow we had a long topic about that "are sisters in the uk too demanding" it was quite a heated one! It may be closed now Im not sure but if u search, you may be able to read it
Jazak Allahu Khair anna2000uk. Found the thread.
I find it really strange to see the reasons given by brothers for going 'back home' to get married. Subhanallah, I really would have thought that maybe you would have some real solid Pakka reasons; like I cant find a full solid Musulmaan sister or I want a sufi sister that no non Mahram has seen. But what is all this lame sad story of "not fussy", "not demanding" etc.
The women is an image of the man in her life. While she is the daughter and sister of her fathers home, she is as her parents are. If the parents are practicing, proper cultured people, the daughters will be just the same. Not many a times will you hear of a "wild daughter of the house", but you will always here "wild son of the house". It isnt the sisters that do the exploring it is usually the brothers who open those doors. Once they are open then sisters know how to take advantage of them.
A man needs to be a man, a solid being one that knows how to behave, and how to lead by example. If you are yourself one flimbsy soul, who is walking on the line, one day this side of the fence the other day the other side. Then for you, whether she is from home or town, she will be on the drivers seat. Islam teaches moderation, if you always exerting yourself your lose respect.
However if you are solid on your Namaz, Quran, Wazeefa, Tahajood, Muraqibah, Ta'leem and Tazkiyah, she can be a damp clothe, she will dry up, striaghten up and follow suit. So just because of our short comings let us not use the sisters as an excuse.
They will listen for a short while but even that blind roti and dhaal girl will soon become Gucci shalwar D&G khamees.
One brother was narrating to me the story of one of his friends, he didnt marry from here because of those excuses mentioned above. He went home to his country brought a wife, one year and she learnt the language got her card, and knew more about the system then he did. Before he knew it, he was not upto her level, and she wanted a modern man.
The brother goes back to his country this time, to make sure it dont happen again, marrys a blind sister. Brings her over she stays at home while he is at work. Before work, he cleans everything, prepares her meal, all she has to do is eat it.
Day after day, anyways one day the door knocks and it is the preachers, and she answers "sorry no english". Next day the preachers arrange for english teacher for the blind. The teacher teaches her about her blind benefits and all the rest of it. Couple weeks later she asks her husband, how much do I get for blind benefit? So he is happy she is learning, he tells her about her benefits and about how to get her money etc.
6 Month hasnt gone by, and she tells him she wants a divorce because he isnt upto her level.
Then are brothers whom I know, married posh white girls, from stuck up familys and what not, today Mashallah those sisters are all in hijab and understand the language of the eye.
Brothers, the key is in your efforts, both spiritually and your own doings.
islamirama
17-06-06, 03:59 PM
I find it really strange to see the reasons given by brothers for going 'back home' to get married. Subhanallah, I really would have thought that maybe you would have some real solid Pakka reasons; like I cant find a full solid Musulmaan sister or I want a sufi sister that no non Mahram has seen. But what is all this lame sad story of "not fussy", "not demanding" etc.
The women is an image of the man in her life. While she is the daughter and sister of her fathers home, she is as her parents are. If the parents are practicing, proper cultured people, the daughters will be just the same. Not many a times will you hear of a "wild daughter of the house", but you will always here "wild son of the house". It isnt the sisters that do the exploring it is usually the brothers who open those doors. Once they are open then sisters know how to take advantage of them.
A man needs to be a man, a solid being one that knows how to behave, and how to lead by example. If you are yourself one flimbsy soul, who is walking on the line, one day this side of the fence the other day the other side. Then for you, whether she is from home or town, she will be on the drivers seat. Islam teaches moderation, if you always exerting yourself your lose respect.
However if you are solid on your Namaz, Quran, Wazeefa, Tahajood, Muraqibah, Ta'leem and Tazkiyah, she can be a damp clothe, she will dry up, striaghten up and follow suit. So just because of our short comings let us not use the sisters as an excuse.
They will listen for a short while but even that blind roti and dhaal girl will soon become Gucci shalwar D&G khamees.
One brother was narrating to me the story of one of his friends, he didnt marry from here because of those excuses mentioned above. He went home to his country brought a wife, one year and she learnt the language got her card, and knew more about the system then he did. Before he knew it, he was not upto her level, and she wanted a modern man.
The brother goes back to his country this time, to make sure it dont happen again, marrys a blind sister. Brings her over she stays at home while he is at work. Before work, he cleans everything, prepares her meal, all she has to do is eat it.
Day after day, anyways one day the door knocks and it is the preachers, and she answers "sorry no english". Next day the preachers arrange for english teacher for the blind. The teacher teaches her about her blind benefits and all the rest of it. Couple weeks later she asks her husband, how much do I get for blind benefit? So he is happy she is learning, he tells her about her benefits and about how to get her money etc.
6 Month hasnt gone by, and she tells him she wants a divorce because he isnt upto her level.
Then are brothers whom I know, married posh white girls, from stuck up familys and what not, today Mashallah those sisters are all in hijab and understand the language of the eye.
Brothers, the key is in your efforts, both spiritually and your own doings.
There's good apples and bad apples, here in the west and back home in the east, among girls and boys. I know many who can't finda good bro or a good sis to marry. The good religious ones marry at the younger age, other ones are chasing degrees and duniya and 'exploreing' in the mean time. Children don't always follow their parents, that's old talk. Today boy/girl got friends from school and got the western influence and what not. They like to sneak out from their parents and go behind their backs to do stuff.
There's this paki doctor in my community who was the president of our islamic center at one time. But he's doctor goes to prom, dances at schoo. wears skirts and shoulder/arms showing dresses and hangs with guys in school.
The muslims in TX have it all worked out. The guy or girl tells his/her parents that he/she going to so and so's house to go study or hang out. They call that friend ahead of time and let'em know. Then he/she goes on a date, in case the parents call the friend already knows and says "yea he/she is over here".
There's this hijabi/abaya girl in uk, 17 i think. Everyone thinks she's real religious. She's been talking to this "phone boyfriend" over a year now and she says if he wants to have sex then she will. The community and her parents may think she's all religious but here she's ready for zina without realizin what she's about to do.
There's a arab girl at a university in the usa. She lives on campus (hostel). She has a white kuffar boyfriend, wears tight short skirts and everything and does zina with him all the time. When she goes home on holidays, she wears hijab and abaya and pretend all is good, fooling her parents and family and community back home. Why do you think muslim boys/girls want to go study at a far far university from home?
If a girl is shy not to do all that in person, then you have the onliners. They don't do anything in person but got online boyfriends, with whom they chat for hours and hours from joking, to love to dirty talk to what not till its fajr time. And if they have webcams then it goes even a step further.
I mentioned the girls here because all too often people think its the boys only that are corrupt. Yes, boys are bad but the girls are not too far behind and some maybe ahead of the boys.
Dating, dancing and going to clubs is common in pakistan. If a girl is pregnant she either aborts or they have a baby and toss it in the trash to hide their evil sin. Pakistan has surpassed the Americans in being wester and american like, sadly it's all in the bad stuff not the good stuff.
It doesn't matter if you go back or stay here, you got the good and the bad in both places. It's very hard these days to find a good decent partner, people aren't what they show.
If you're a cultural person than don't go looking for an islamic partner, go look for a cultural partner. He/she is not interested fighting you and your family all his/her life telling you birthdays are haram, new year, xmas, socialzing in mixed gatherings, etc. is haram. They want someone to help them grow in their deen not abandon it for cultural practices and habits that are all westernized and if they are still from back home then hindu influence customs and habits.
If you're westernized "muslim" then go marry your kind, you'll find plenty of them here and back home who are dieing to come here and who goes to parties and dances and what not.
if you're religious by appearance but lack the knowledge then go marry your kind. Those who have hijab/abaya on but still flirt and think zina is ok. or those guys yell haraam at everything but don't know jack they're talking about.
If you're religious by appearance AND knowledge AND act on that knowledge THEN look for that kind of person soo you don't ruin their life.
Quran says to marry your kind, let the adultresses marry the adultresses, the fornicator marry the fornicator, and hence forth.
Bubblegoose
17-06-06, 04:36 PM
Just Cant Decide Waht To Do....so If U Ppl Can Give Me Some Advice And Mayb Share Your Experiences.....itll Be Appreciated.jazakkallah!!
A'Salaam-a-laykum
I ain't marrying either here or back home, it's about time us gujees started broadening our horizons. I'm going exotic if my plans work out, my heart belongs to a woman but she ain't gujee or asian for that matter.
Good luck mate, I hope Allah presents you with a sound conclusion.
Allah Hafiz
There's good apples and bad apples, here in the west and back home in the east, among girls and boys. I know many who can't finda good bro or a good sis to marry. The good religious ones marry at the younger age, other ones are chasing degrees and duniya and 'exploreing' in the mean time. Children don't always follow their parents, that's old talk. Today boy/girl got friends from school and got the western influence and what not. They like to sneak out from their parents and go behind their backs to do stuff.
There's this paki doctor in my community who was the president of our islamic center at one time. But he's doctor goes to prom, dances at schoo. wears skirts and shoulder/arms showing dresses and hangs with guys in school.
The muslims in TX have it all worked out. The guy or girl tells his/her parents that he/she going to so and so's house to go study or hang out. They call that friend ahead of time and let'em know. Then he/she goes on a date, in case the parents call the friend already knows and says "yea he/she is over here".
There's this hijabi/abaya girl in uk, 17 i think. Everyone thinks she's real religious. She's been talking to this "phone boyfriend" over a year now and she says if he wants to have sex then she will. The community and her parents may think she's all religious but here she's ready for zina without realizin what she's about to do.
There's a arab girl at a university in the usa. She lives on campus (hostel). She has a white kuffar boyfriend, wears tight short skirts and everything and does zina with him all the time. When she goes home on holidays, she wears hijab and abaya and pretend all is good, fooling her parents and family and community back home. Why do you think muslim boys/girls want to go study at a far far university from home?
If a girl is shy not to do all that in person, then you have the onliners. They don't do anything in person but got online boyfriends, with whom they chat for hours and hours from joking, to love to dirty talk to what not till its fajr time. And if they have webcams then it goes even a step further.
I mentioned the girls here because all too often people think its the boys only that are corrupt. Yes, boys are bad but the girls are not too far behind and some maybe ahead of the boys.
Dating, dancing and going to clubs is common in pakistan. If a girl is pregnant she either aborts or they have a baby and toss it in the trash to hide their evil sin. Pakistan has surpassed the Americans in being wester and american like, sadly it's all in the bad stuff not the good stuff.
It doesn't matter if you go back or stay here, you got the good and the bad in both places. It's very hard these days to find a good decent partner, people aren't what they show.
If you're a cultural person than don't go looking for an islamic partner, go look for a cultural partner. He/she is not interested fighting you and your family all his/her life telling you birthdays are haram, new year, xmas, socialzing in mixed gatherings, etc. is haram. They want someone to help them grow in their deen not abandon it for cultural practices and habits that are all westernized and if they are still from back home then hindu influence customs and habits.
If you're westernized "muslim" then go marry your kind, you'll find plenty of them here and back home who are dieing to come here and who goes to parties and dances and what not.
if you're religious by appearance but lack the knowledge then go marry your kind. Those who have hijab/abaya on but still flirt and think zina is ok. or those guys yell haraam at everything but don't know jack they're talking about.
If you're religious by appearance AND knowledge AND act on that knowledge THEN look for that kind of person soo you don't ruin their life.
Quran says to marry your kind, let the adultresses marry the adultresses, the fornicator marry the fornicator, and hence forth.
Good points, but you didnt answer the brothers question.
It is like if a person asks for the the answer to 5+5, and you tell him, you spell it F I V E.
Salman Al-Farsi
17-06-06, 06:11 PM
My older brother married from backhome and he is happy.
so go for it.
all of u
:rolleyes:
islamirama
17-06-06, 06:15 PM
Good points, but you didnt answer the brothers question.
It is like if a person asks for the the answer to 5+5, and you tell him, you spell it F I V E.
This is post number 90, his answer has been answered already. Check the first 20 posts or so, we''ve moved on from his question this topic in general. marry here or back home, pros/cons, etc.
It doesn't matter where you marry from. It's who you marry that counts. Just marry someone who is practicing. If you are the type of person who complains about women and likes to place all blame on them, then NEVER EVER get married, cos you seriously have issues.
aamilah
17-06-06, 06:27 PM
It doesn't matter where you marry from. It's who you marry that counts. Just marry someone who is practicing. If you are the type of person who complains about women and likes to place all blame on them, then NEVER EVER get married, cos you seriously have issues.
ditto sis :up:
At the end of the day, we have to be realistic.
Theres many issues to consider, aside from 'being practising'.
Im too tired to go in to all of them :D but one of the main ones I think is important is in regards to practising sisters today. Because bringing a husband over from back home to settle here, just tips the balance the wrong way.
The husband is supposed to protect, provide and maintain. Yet she is likely to have to be the dominant one in the relationship, whether she wants to be or not, while he is still finding his feet in a new country. Mentality in regards to deen, outlook on many things, is also different with people back home, so how can you be expected to rear your husband, who is supposed to be the centre of your household, to your way of thinking. Missions. Too difficult and puts strain on things from the onset.
As far as brothers go, all that isnt as big a issue, so whatever init, do what you like :rolleyes:
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