Nikkah

[Wanting Jannah]

Does any1 know whether it's possible for a convert to have a nikkah without her family knowing - they would disapprove of the short timescale as it goes against their culture......................

Also - can anyone provide evidences that show whether it is sinful or not for a convert not to have told her family about his/her conversion..................

[dhakiyya]

yes its possible for a convert to Islam to marry without the family knowing. If she is female, and she does not have a male relative who is Muslim, she will need to have a guardian (wali) who is not from her family anyway (an imam can arrange this for her when she gets married) If the parents are Muslim and preventing the marriage without a good reason, after certain steps are taken to try to persuade the family, the imam can find her a wali outside the family.

Lots of new Muslims find it really hard to tell their families. Personally I was Muslim for about a year and a half before I told my family. This made it easier because by the time I told them, I could allay their fears about me undergoing some radical personality change, being brainwashed etc by saying how I've already been Muslim for all this time so obviously thats not going to happen...

I have not ever heard that its haram to delay telling them.

Though its important for the new Muslim to be clear about what is halal and haram with regard to dealing with non Muslim family.

It is haram to break family ties (i.e. to cut of communications with anyone in your family) - however if they refuse to talk to you, thats their fault not yours, tell them you are there when they are ready to talk. that way its them cutting ties not you.

You have to obey your parents BUT you must NOT obey anything that tells you to go against Allah's commands. for example, your parents can order you to help with the washing up, but they can't order you to take off your hijab, eat pork, drink alcohol etc because Allah's commands ALWAYS come first. "there is no obedience in disobedience to Allah" - this goes for anyone Muslim or non Muslim, you must even disobey a Muslim leader if they tell you to do something unIslamic.

Ultimately though, the family will have to know sooner or later. Islam requires big lifestyle changes that will get harder and harder to explain away. You can say you went veggie and teetotal for health reasons (to avoid pork and alcohol), you can hide your hijab under a hat or hood when you go to visit (if you're female), ........ but sooner or later they will have to be told....