What Polygyny Has Given Me..

[ur_yusra]

What Polygyny Has Given Me!


by a daughter of polygynyAs a young daughter of polygyny, I wish to share with others what polygyny has brought to my life. Inshallah I can help erase some of the fears many sisters today have associated with polygyny and I hope to bring to light the many benefits that exist when polygyny is practiced the way Allah(T) instructed us to through the example of our beloved Prophet(S). I am not involved in a polygynous marriage (or even married as a matter of fact); however, I have witnessed it first hand as a child and young adult al hamdulillah.


To start off, I would like to tell a little about myself. My mother became Muslim when I was a young child. In the beginning it wasn’t very easy for me. I watched my mom go from being a very “cool”, modernized mom to a very conservative one. It started with the clothing. She went from wearing mini-skirts to longer pants, skirts and long sleeve blouses and the headscarf (hijab). Eventually she made the transition into a jilbab (overgarment), and, now Mashallah she even wears niqab. All of this didn’t happen overnight either- it took several years.


One of the other things that changed my life dramatically was that my mom decided to homeschool me and stopped me from hanging out with my non-Muslim friends. Now I can tell you that I rebelled in the beginning; however, it was really one of the best things that could have happened to me. In fact, many of the girls I attended school with either had babies or abortions (astaghfirillah) by the 7th and 8th grade. I was even watching television a few weeks ago and I saw a young girl on the news that was arrested. I couldn’t believe she was my classmate in the 6th grade. She is now 18 years old with 3 children. The youngest child, 5 months old, she almost beat to death! (La Hawla wa La Quwatillah billahi). It brought tears to my eyes. Al hamdulillah Islam has protected me and preserved my dignity and honor! (Thank you, Mom, and most of all, thanks be to Allah!)


When I was 12 years old I made my first committment to Allah. I decided I would start to wear hijab and never to remove it inshallah. It was really hard at first because most of my family members aren’t Muslim and they didn’t like it at all! They thought I was being brainwashed and couldn’t understand that I wanted to do it to please Allah(T). Eventually, our own family members could no longer handle us being Muslim and disowned us. (If only they could see me now in my own niqab!) I never thought that they would desert us in a million years - I once had a very close relationship with my grandmother. Al hamdulillah, however this has brought me even closer to my mom because we only had each other.


My 12th year was also the year my mom married my step-father. (He is really more like a real father to me- as he has done more for me than my real father ever did). At first when they got married I was really upset and slightly jealous. I was used to having my mom to myself and I didn’t want to share her with anyone- especially another man! In the past I had witnessed my mom struggling through an abusive marriage and meaningless relationships- always getting hurt! I could not bear to watch my mom go through what i thought was just going to be more pain. Although I begged her not to, she married him anyways! and alhamdulillah she did! Allah has such great plans for us - which we are rarely aware of at the time!"


My mom and I have always been very close and have shared practically everything. She never kept anything from me. From the beginning she told me the truth about their marriage and the fact that he has another wife and children. Honestly, I couldn’t believe she would settle for being a second wife! She had even had other requests for marriage from men who were not currently married - some had never even been married at all! I felt that she must have developed a low self-image of herself or something! I kept asking her (and myself) how could this be right for us!?
Well,several years later, (to make a really long story short) let me finally share with you what polygyny has brought to my life!


Polygyny gave me a father figure (my own dad has never been a part of my life) and gave my mom a wonderful caring husband (like she has never had before). It gave us security and stability - abundant food and a nice home. Al hamdulillah!
It enabled my mom to stay home with me, help me with my studies, and spend more time learning about Islam. My mom no longer has to put up with the harrassment at work and she no longer has to deal with any obnoxious men! Al hamdulillah!
Polygyny gave me a family- a really big one- to replace the family we lost! And this time, our family loves us FOR our Islam- al hamdullillah. It also gave my mom a cowife (best friend, sister, and teacher all packaged in one). With that, it also gave her more children to love who also love her in return- what she always wanted almost more than anything else. But most of all, polygyny has given us an opportunity of a brighter future, full of love and happiness! What we once longed for -but never had. That is.... what polygyny....has given....me! (by Allah’s will of course, Al hamdulillah! (Takbir!- AllahuAkbar!!!)

[RaNdOm]

:salams

lol mashaAllah thats a well cute story :inlove:

....i think i wouldn't mind as much if i were the 2nd wife, but being the 1st and knowing he wanted another one, cos i may not have been good enough or whatever....thatd be a blow in the stomach :rolleyes:

[Al-ghurabah]

this is test for the wife.. how strong her iman is.. the sahabahs from the ansar divorced one of their wives for their brothers who migrated.. that is brotherhood.

[ur_yusra]

:salams

lol mashaAllah thats a well cute story :inlove:

....i think i wouldn't mind as much if i were the 2nd wife, but being the 1st and knowing he wanted another one, cos i may not have been good enough or whatever....thatd be a blow in the stomach :rolleyes:

yeh I wouldnt mind being second wife.. I prefer it actually.. because married men are slightly more mature I think..

[RaNdOm]

yeh I wouldnt mind being second wife.. I prefer it actually.. because married men are slightly more mature I think..

:salams

lol i wouldnt go that far....:rolleyes:

i dno i think the whole watching him become more mature would be more rewarding than like having the ready made man....flaws make people :D

[ur_yusra]

:salams

lol i wouldnt go that far....:rolleyes:

i dno i think the whole watching him become more mature would be more rewarding than like having the ready made man....flaws make people :D

:wswrwb:

lol.. yeh I guess it depends.. But don't you think married men and when I say this I mean practising brothers.. are more mature.. the married ones I mean..

I dnt think I want to waste my time watching him 'become mature' LOL..:rotfl:

What if it never happens...???

Anyway I don't think my parents would ever let me venture that far..

[RaNdOm]

:salams

lol practising brothers are more mature in general i think....:banbear:

i said moreeeeeee mature not become mature ya bum :p obviously you gonna marry someone that is already quite mature inshaAllah, otherwise you gonna feel like his mother :torture:

i dno man this whole polygyny thing freaks me out....i accept it and everything but i dno....even if i were a second wife, i'd start thinking, well im just his bit of excitement in his life til he starts getting bored again and starts looking for another wife...maybe being fourth wife is best, until he starts thinking that he made a mistake and shoulda just stuck to one :rolleyes:

[ur_yusra]

:salams

lol practising brothers are more mature in general i think....:banbear:

i said moreeeeeee mature not become mature ya bum :p obviously you gonna marry someone that is already quite mature inshaAllah, otherwise you gonna feel like his mother :torture:

i dno man this whole polygyny thing freaks me out....i accept it and everything but i dno....even if i were a second wife, i'd start thinking, well im just his bit of excitement in his life til he starts getting bored again and starts looking for another wife...maybe being fourth wife is best, until he starts thinking that he made a mistake and shoulda just stuck to one :rolleyes:

:rotfl: .. lol...

I think it freaks many sisters out.. but in reality not many brothers have more then one wife.. And like sis Quest said.. jealousy is a big test for a woman.. and it would be nice to have a man who will not burden her with this test..

If he does then that is his choice.. he is following a sunnah after all.. but it is something he doesnt have to do.. so depends on the man really.. :rolleyes:

I guess the only real way a woman can get through it is with the knowledge that her husband is just part of this dunya.. and the most important relationship is her relationship with Allah (swt)..

Do not place happiness in people.. place your happiness in Allah (swt).. because people let you down.. Allah (swt) never does..

[CheifJunior]

in some cases polygamy is a blessing and in others it isnt. In places where it isnt then i would advice not to do it because it causes so much fitnas from doing something which you think is right. But in some situations it saves lives. We should analyse situations and discuss whether polygamy is allowed in such a situation not just act it out in any situation, your not a kafir if you dont marry four times brothers so you dont have to worry about going to hell if you dont carry out polygamy

[RaNdOm]

Do not place happiness in people.. place your happiness in Allah (swt).. because people let you down.. Allah (swt) never does..

:salams

that's so true....:inlove:

it really annoys me though when brothers are so adamant on following this part of the sunnah even though they'll carry on neglecting so many other parts, but somehow manage to see this as the most important one :torture:

maybe like if were living in a desert somewhere and there was only like me and my husband and this one other woman, who was really lonely and had no-one that maybe i'd suggest he should marry her :scratch: (maybe....man i was cringin when i wrote that @))

[ur_yusra]

:salams

that's so true....:inlove:

it really annoys me though when brothers are so adamant on following this part of the sunnah even though they'll carry on neglecting so many other parts, but somehow manage to see this as the most important one :torture:

maybe like if were living in a desert somewhere and there was only like me and my husband and this one other woman, who was really lonely and had no-one that maybe i'd suggest he should marry her :scratch: (maybe....man i was cringin when i wrote that @))

:wswrwb:

lol..!!!

to be honest I'd never suggest it to my husband.. it would have to be his decision completely.. I would not encourage him to do it.. I'd even tell him not to do it.. because I know my own weaknesses..

but if there was another woman who was needy then erm..

nah doubt that would ever happen.. :rolleyes: :outta:

[RaNdOm]

:salams

:rofl1: :rofl1:

but u gotta think the other way round, what if that lonely woman was you :( :p

i dno....do brothers even think that their wife might feel inadequate if he chooses to marry again? :eek3:

[ur_yusra]

:salams

:rofl1: :rofl1:

but u gotta think the other way round, what if that lonely woman was you :( :p

i dno....do brothers even think that their wife might feel inadequate if he chooses to marry again? :eek3:

:wswrwb:

I think they'll be thinking more along the lines of..

silly old bag she'l get over it..

LOL.. no thats not even funny.. :torture:

[ur_yusra]

~Bump~

[nami]

Polygyny gave me a father figure (my own dad has never been a part of my life) and gave my mom a wonderful caring husband (like she has never had before). It gave us security and stability - abundant food and a nice home. Al hamdulillah! It enabled my mom to stay home with me, help me with my studies, and spend more time learning about Islam. My mom no longer has to put up with the harrassment at work and she no longer has to deal with any obnoxious men! Al hamdulillah! Polygyny gave me a family- a really big one- to replace the family we lost! And this time, our family loves us FOR our Islam- al hamdullillah. It also gave my mom a cowife (best friend, sister, and teacher all packaged in one). With that, it also gave her more children to love who also love her in return- what she always wanted almost more than anything else. But most of all, polygyny has given us an opportunity of a brighter future, full of love and happiness! What we once longed for -but never had. That is.... what polygyny....has given....me! (by Allah’s will of course, Al hamdulillah! (Takbir!- AllahuAkbar!!!)

masha'allah that's beautiful.

[amatul-rahman]

asalamo aleykum,

what about polygamy where the first wife doesnt know her husband married a second one?
i have heard comments on such cases where the woman divorced bc she found out her husband has been married to another too, that the woman is to blame for the divorce n she is the bad and all... to me it seems as a break of trust, its not about the right of the man to marry another.

anybody knows anything related to such a case? Jazak Allahu kheir

[`asiya]

asalamo aleykum,

what about polygamy where the first wife doesnt know her husband married a second one?
i have heard comments on such cases where the woman divorced bc she found out her husband has been married to another too, that the woman is to blame for the divorce n she is the bad and all... to me it seems as a break of trust, its not about the right of the man to marry another.

anybody knows anything related to such a case? Jazak Allahu kheir

Allahu alam, but the prophet Sallahu alleyhi wa salam said we have to announce a marriage, so he shouldnt be keeping anything secret from his wife, but then again, if he tells her and shes going to start complaining and hating it,and trying to prevent him from marrying again and so on, then maybe he would want to keep it secret until he found the right time to tell her, because no woman should hate what Allah ta ala has allowed this is part of our deen and we should not have any problem or any dislike for it at all, this would be kufr to dislike something from our deen so maybe the husband would want to keep it secret to prevent her from falling into that ? Allahu alam. for sure theres no reason why this should lead to divorce its not a big deal if we just think like muslims.

If we all lived now in the time of Muhammad salallahu alleyi wa salam and the companions then we would have no problem with it at all, its just too much western culture and leaving behind the Islamic ways, that makes people have problems with this beautiful way of the best of mankind, Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, and the way of the companions radiallahu anhum.

Our examples as Muslim women are the sahabiyat radiallahu anha and they didnt have problem with it at all or try to prevent their husbands marrying again, in fact some even asked their husbands to marry their muslim sisters out of love for them masha Allah :)

[Ceren]

In my experience (from people that I know), polygyny has brought A LOT of grief.

First of all, most Muslim men don't follow the Sunnah. The prophet married mostly widows or divorced women, but that's not the women that most men want to have as second wives.

Secondly, there's no FREE mixing in Islam. So how do these men find these wives? In my experience, there is usually quite a bit of haram involved in this.

Thirdly, this thing about not telling the other wife...is... just wrong. How can you trust your husband ever again if he lied to you and kept something from you as big as this? And this is DEFINITELY not part of the sunnah since the prophet never kept his marriages secret.

Fourth, the prophet married these women for the sake of them, because they were alone and unprotected, or to help his adopted son, or to make ties with other tribes. He did it for the sake of the Ummah and for the sake of Allah. He didn't do it because he was bored, he wanted to have more sex, or he wasn't having such a good marriage and instead of trying to work on it to make it better, he went out and found a new wife.

In addition, the "best of men are the one that are best to their wives". That's also a Sunnah, isn't it? So if you marrying another women is going to make your wife miserable for the rest of her life, it you had agreed with her that you were not going to take other wives... then why do this? Especially when you're doing it for your sake and not for the sake of the other wife or for the sake of Allah.

Moreover, most people that follow madhabs (I don't know how it's with salafis) follow what the 4 school of thoughts call Fiqh al-aqaliyy or "Fiqh of Muslim minorities". And the fiqh is clear in that if you're in a non-Muslim country, you have to respect the law of the land, unless the laws impede you from practising your religious obligations or oblige you to do sinful stuff. So if you live in a country where polygyny is illegal, then you have to respect the law of the country.

Finally, I do acknowledge that I have seen a few cases where, all praise be to God, there was woman with no family, and a man, in agreement with his wife, decided to take her as a second wife. I've seen this in Syria a couple of times. The Imam would announce that there's a woman with no family who became a widow, etc. and then there would be men who would marry her. There's no haram involved but a lot of good will and a lot of Iman there.

I have to admit that I admire these kind of women because I couldn't do this. When I got married both my husband and I agreed that he wouldn't take any more wives (he can't do it here anyways because it's illegal, although he could do it in Syria). And then we agreed that if we wanted to help women, we would house them and treat them like family, but the only wife would be me. May Allah forgive me for my shortcomings.

[EsSenSe ©]

Asalamu Alaikum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakatu

My Close Sister in Islam went thru this situation & Just published an amazing book, May Allah AazaWajal keep her steadfast *Ameen*

http://polygynousblessings.blogspot.com/

- ¿FEEL THE LOVE? :inlove: www.AlMaghrib-NY.com -

[ummbilal]

I've read this before its good.

[Medievalist]

First response: :rotfl: :rotfl:

wicked article

Second response: any man who is too coward to tell his mrs that he is getting married again or has another wife etc - deserves :torture:

If a mans gonna be with someone for life - its better she knows what he thinks and what his plans are at the beginning or asap rather than spring a "surprise" on her a few years down the line.

[ur_yusra]

First response: :rotfl: :rotfl:

wicked article

Second response: any man who is too coward to tell his mrs that he is getting married again or has another wife etc - deserves :torture:

If a mans gonna be with someone for life - its better she knows what he thinks and what his plans are at the beginning or asap rather than spring a "surprise" on her a few years down the line.

Thats the wisest thing I've read from you on this forum.

[`asiya]

First response: :rotfl: :rotfl:

wicked article

Second response: any man who is too coward to tell his mrs that he is getting married again or has another wife etc - deserves :torture:

If a mans gonna be with someone for life - its better she knows what he thinks and what his plans are at the beginning or asap rather than spring a "surprise" on her a few years down the line.

but why it would be a suprise to any muslim woman i really dont know,dont women read the Quran, the seerah, the hadith or something!! Islam is clear, the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam is clear, the way of the sahabba radiallahu anhum is clear so how come women are all suprised about this :smack: tell u if i get married and my husbands a good muslim, i`ll be getting him to marry my muslim sisters right away insha Allah

[Medievalist]

Thats the wisest thing I've read from you on this forum.

charmed Im sure :rolleyes:

[Lou.]

Salam Aleikum,

Wow, what a great article. It was really nice to read especially because I give a very positive site of the issue. The funny part is basically that normally the sisters (including me) will freak out and get mad and I don’t know what if the husband what to get a second wife.… But personally I would not mine because it Islamic right and if the brother can live with the rules for polygyny then I respect that…
I reminder to the sisters: Trust me it not many brothers who would do it, and as I very good friend of mine say: “It hard to find one good sister, so how difficult would it be to find the second one…

Ma'salam

[Muttaqi]

but why it would be a suprise to any muslim woman i really dont know,dont women read the Quran, the seerah, the hadith or something!! Islam is clear, the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam is clear, the way of the sahabba radiallahu anhum is clear so how come women are all suprised about this :smack: tell u if i get married and my husbands a good muslim, i`ll be getting him to marry my muslim sisters right away insha Allah


What if he doesn't want to get married again? Will you force him? :D (:o forced marriage)

[`asiya]

What if he doesn't want to get married again? Will you force him? :D (:o forced marriage)

well lets just put it this way... i`ll just pester him about the issue so much he`ll just glad to get of the house for a break :p

but seriously if a brother said he didnt want that i dont know if id consider marrying him,i just think its weird if a man doesnt want to take care of his sisters in Islam and i prefer a brother who is man enough and responsible enough to uphold the sunnah of RasoolAllah salallahu alleyhi wa salam and have many children as he can to make muhammad salAllahu alleyhi wa salam proud of having the biggest ummah on judgment day. brother ibn-e-muslim told us there is a tribe near his hometown where the women consider their men to be weak if they dont have more than one wife, i`ll go and live with them insha Allah :up:

[Mr_Jailer]

One of the main concerns sisters can't face, is that they don't wanna be biwi no. 2. Its sounds second best, but its only in the order of the grooms marriage.

She might be joint no. 1 in terms of a wife. But then wife 1, won't wanna give away of any share of a hubby.

It'd be interestin' to note if divorcees are more receptible to bein' second wives (not second best) than unmarried girls.

:salams

lol mashaAllah thats a well cute story :inlove:

....i think i wouldn't mind as much if i were the 2nd wife, but being the 1st and knowing he wanted another one, cos i may not have been good enough or whatever....thatd be a blow in the stomach :rolleyes:

[Mr_Jailer]

:salams

:rofl1: :rofl1:

but u gotta think the other way round, what if that lonely woman was you :( :p

i dno....do brothers even think that their wife might feel inadequate if he chooses to marry again? :eek3:

Maybe he'll get on even better with his first wife after takin' a second.

[Mr_Jailer]

In my experience (from people that I know), polygyny has brought A LOT of grief.

First of all, most Muslim men don't follow the Sunnah. The prophet married mostly widows or divorced women, but that's not the women that most men want to have as second wives.

Can also be the other way round. Muslim women don't follow the sunnah, and lead the hubby to marry a second wife much to the annoyance of the first.

These days, britich muslim girls demand divorce from their hubbies if they don't like them. Although Islam has given them that choice masha'allah, am I right in suggestin' that this was not the case traditionally?

Some of the british sisters (i'm not generalisin') that demand divorce don't necessarily blossom with Islamic goodwill in their hearts... these days they wanna register their marriage with the registery so they get 50% if they get divorced.

The jahil ones assume that Islam states that the woman gets nothin'... so register ur marriages. Unfortunateky the practises of some of the muslims are to blame for this mentality.

[ur_yusra]

If I found an exceptional brother.. with the Qur'aan recitation of Bilal Assad, knowledge of Anwar al Awlaki and the passion of Ahmad Jibril...

I'd be his second wife.

[`asiya]

One of the main concerns sisters can't face, is that they don't wanna be biwi no. 2. Its sounds second best, but its only in the order of the grooms marriage.

She might be joint no. 1 in terms of a wife. But then wife 1, won't wanna give away of any share of a hubby.

It'd be interestin' to note if divorcees are more receptible to bein' second wives (not second best) than unmarried girls.

doesnt matter what order u get married in to be honest because he has to treat all equally anyway if he fears Allah ta ala and he better fear Allah ta ala in that regard. even if i was the first wife i would still ask my husband to marry again, wallahi i cannot understand why much of the ummah today sees this as some kind of problem, an issue they sidestep,even seek permission in fatawa to avoid it! you would think that it would be more common to see muslims with more than one wife, than to see a muslim man with only one but no its the opposite.

Its almost unheard of today, i understand less than 1% of muslim men have more than one wife shame on them! I think this all comes down to love of Islam, u have to put the ummah before yourself before your thoughts, and preferences and your personal desires, you have to love for your sisters/brothers what you love for yourself, who does not want to see their husband have 20+ children insha Allah ta ala.

subhanAllah what a blessing from Allah ta ala subhanAllah a small ummah in one generation insha Allah the kuffar must be laughing at us now to see how muslims went from having large families and now theyre using contraception and abortion and even have fatwas for that! man it makes me cry wallahi cry, what is wrong with muslims today! dont they love the way of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam dont they want to come on the day of judgment with all their children subhanAllah where is the ummah who follow and love the ways of Muhammad salallahu alleyhi wa salam, where have they gone!

love of the dunya became so strong and we became so weak as a result...

[Mr_Jailer]

If I found an exceptional brother.. with the Qur'aan recitation of Bilal Assad, knowledge of Anwar al Awlaki and the passion of Ahmad Jibril...

I'd be his second wife.

U don't demand much :rolleyes: But i suspect ur single.

Back to the original query:

It'd be interestin' to note if divorcees are more receptible to bein' second wives (not second best) than unmarried girls.

Or wud they demand the same.

Btw Yusra: say you found your perfect shiekh, and he was married. Would you talk / negotiate with his wife to let you marry him?

What would you say, how would you sell urself to his wife to marry him?

[Mr_Jailer]

love of the dunya became so strong and we became so weak as a result...

In mainland UK, the laws stoppin' us bro's from havin' more than 1 wife :(

Bro's would love more than one wife... there was a poll that bro's would love more than 1 wife, even sisters voted!

n it seems sisters r becomin' more receptible to bein' co-wives. The truth of the matter is comin' out slowly. The benefits r gettin' thru.

[ur_yusra]

Btw Yusra: say you found your perfect shiekh, and he was married. Would you talk / negotiate with his wife to let you marry him?

What would you say, how would you sell urself to his wife to marry him?

I'd only express any interest if the brother was interested and his wife didn't mind.

[Mr_Jailer]

I'd only express any interest if the brother was interested and his wife didn't mind.

How would u go 'bout determinin' whether the brother n his wife were interested in u?

Would u wait 'til either approached u? What if this compatible shikh didn't approach u... ud miss out.

[ur_yusra]

How would u go 'bout determinin' whether the brother n his wife were interested in u?

Would u wait 'til either approached u? What if this compatible shikh didn't approach u... ud miss out.

No not really.

I'm passive - I expect things to fall from the sky.

[Mr_Jailer]

No not really.

I'm passive - I expect things to fall from the sky.

Rain n snow :rolleyes:

You're not the only one, there's a lot like u - even here on the forum.

But say, someone with potential asked u to marry him. In ur terms of agreement, will u expect him to memorize Sh. Anwat Al-Awlaki's herafter series, n improve his Qur'an pronounciation n recitation to be more melodious? Or have u set ur requirements in stone?

Aren't u a bit young to be discussin' bein' a 2nd wife? Last time I read u wanted to quit Uni.

[`asiya]

In mainland UK, the laws stoppin' us bro's from havin' more than 1 wife :(

Bro's would love more than one wife... there was a poll that bro's would love more than 1 wife, even sisters voted!

n it seems sisters r becomin' more receptible to bein' co-wives. The truth of the matter is comin' out slowly. The benefits r gettin' thru.

theres no law to stop it akhi thats just an excuse people use, if a kaffir can have half a dozen women on the go and theres no law against that , then why can a man not bring his two witnesses and go to the womans walli and get married ? nothing to stop them at all.

The trouble is that people want to go and be like the kuffar and register it with the registary office, but again no need to do that at all not for the first or any other wife, and it saves the woman from the hassle of having to change her name back from her husbands name after registary office marriage as islamically shes not allowed to take her husbands name anyway, she has to keep her family name.

kaffirs have kids with loads of different women, no mention of marriage. So nothing to stop a muslim marrying muslim women,and having children with those women so nothing in the law to say it is illegal, they dont reconise our marriages anyway so masha Allah forget the law and live islamic lives.

[RaNdOm]

:salams

lol i wouldnt go that far....:rolleyes:

i dno i think the whole watching him become more mature would be more rewarding than like having the ready made man....flaws make people :D

:salams

what was i thinkn :torture: :torture: :torture:

he needs to have a mature and immature side... but mature enuf to know when to be mature and when not to be enit :D

how fings change :rolleyes:

[`asiya]

:salams he needs to have a mature and immature side... but mature enuf to know when to be mature and when not to be

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullahi well said sis masha Allah :up:

[RaNdOm]

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullahi well said sis masha Allah :up:

:salams

i think it wuda been better without the enit :o :D

[Mr_Jailer]

:salams

what was i thinkn :torture: :torture: :torture:

he needs to have a mature and immature side... but mature enuf to know when to be mature and when not to be enit :D

how fings change :rolleyes:

admit it, ur talkin' 'bout a mature 'naughty - but halal' man :rolleyes:

Send him to the naughty corner if he's too naughty.

[`asiya]

:salams

i think it wuda been better without the ..:o :D

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
done ;)

[RaNdOm]

admit it, ur talkin' 'bout a mature 'naughty - but halal' man :rolleyes:

Send him to the naughty corner if he's too naughty.

:salams

loool everyone likes a rebel right? :rolleyes: ehem SOMEONE told me it shows that persons gotta a strong personality... u know insteda some drifter floatin about in the wind, just like everyone else :rolleyes:

[amatul-rahman]

Aren't u a bit young to be discussin' bein' a 2nd wife? Last time I read u wanted to quit Uni.[/QUOTE]


Humm... i know the question wasnt meant for me but i believe ppl should marry as soon as possible, as soon as they can afford. it makes no difference if someone is going to be first or fourth wife.

[Mr_Jailer]

:salams

loool everyone likes a rebel right? :rolleyes: ehem SOMEONE told me it shows that persons gotta a strong personality... u know insteda some drifter floatin about in the wind, just like everyone else :rolleyes:

w'alaikum asalaam,

U mean like someone who uses his brain n not does what his mates do?

Jeah I think i know what u mean... someone who's original n can think for themselves. Good attribute to have. :up:

[Mr_Jailer]

Humm... i know the question wasnt meant for me but i believe ppl should marry as soon as possible, as soon as they can afford. it makes no difference if someone is going to be first or fourth wife.

Even better if they have the means to marry while studyin' for a degree. :up:

[ur_yusra]

Rain n snow :rolleyes:

You're not the only one, there's a lot like u - even here on the forum.

But say, someone with potential asked u to marry him. In ur terms of agreement, will u expect him to memorize Sh. Anwat Al-Awlaki's herafter series, n improve his Qur'an pronounciation n recitation to be more melodious? Or have u set ur requirements in stone?

Aren't u a bit young to be discussin' bein' a 2nd wife? Last time I read u wanted to quit Uni.

Young? I'm too old.

Sincerity and passion two most important attributes.

[amatul-rahman]

riz2 is from Allah

[Mr_Jailer]

Young? I'm too old.

Sincerity and passion two most important attributes.

I hope you're not really waitin' for a compatible sheikh to fall down from the sky... u'll be waitin' forever. Bein' passive is not a good attribute after all.

[RaNdOm]

:salams

“Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers) to be lost” [Yoosuf 12:90].

:D

[Mr_Jailer]

Y do married sisters find it hard to accept hubby havin' another wife?

Sis Asiya hit the nail on its head with her comments 'bout sis' bein' silly when it comes to polygyny.

What if they ended gettin' dovorced (for other reasons)... then what... their marketability to re-marry will be reduced.

[RaNdOm]

:salams

he can have another wife cos hes allowed...

but il probably just love him less since my love wernt enough :torture:

[Mr_Jailer]

Great. I wander how influential a thread is like this can be to other sisters. sisters must be seein' sisters postin' in favour polygyny... maybe it plays on their minds n opens up their hearts to the idea of havin' a co-wife s cool.

[RaNdOm]

Great. I wander how influential a thread is like this can be to other sisters. sisters must be seein' sisters postin' in favour polygyny... maybe it plays on their minds n opens up their hearts to the idea of havin' a co-wife s cool.

:salams

that doesnt mean i WANT him to have another wife :crying:

[Mr_Jailer]

:salams

that doesnt mean i WANT him to have another wife :crying:

wa'alaikum asalaam.

Dn't cry. You might never be in that situation.

[RaNdOm]

wa'alaikum asalaam.

Dn't cry. You might never be in that situation.

:salams

inshaAllah :D :D :D

everyone says that ma husbs gonna a LOT of patience and tolerance so maybe all his efforts would go inta me so that the thought of another wife wouldnt even cross his mind... :D

[Muttaqi]

well lets just put it this way... i`ll just pester him about the issue so much he`ll just glad to get of the house for a break :p

but seriously if a brother said he didnt want that i dont know if id consider marrying him,i just think its weird if a man doesnt want to take care of his sisters in Islam and i prefer a brother who is man enough and responsible enough to uphold the sunnah of RasoolAllah salallahu alleyhi wa salam and have many children as he can to make muhammad salAllahu alleyhi wa salam proud of having the biggest ummah on judgment day. brother ibn-e-muslim told us there is a tribe near his hometown where the women consider their men to be weak if they dont have more than one wife, i`ll go and live with them insha Allah :up:

What if the brother couldn't afford to have a second wife? Or, what if he wasn't attracted to the potential second wife in question (her being a relative who is a widow with children)? Or, perhaps he doesn't have such desire (he is satisfied with the first), and marrying again might mean not giving the wife her full Islamic rights?

[Muttaqi]

Personally, I don't think women should love their husbands excessively, and if they have kids they should spend their love more on their kids if they are going to be a co-wife. :inlove:

At least that way, you still have rights, and the husband still has to take care of you. Love is something that can be dealt with (by chanelling it to kids-so you love kids more), and in effect jealousy wouldn't be a huge problem.

[`asiya]

Personally, I don't think women should love their husbands excessively, and if they have kids they should spend their love more on their kids if they are going to be a co-wife. :inlove:

At least that way, you still have rights, and the husband still has to take care of you. Love is something that can be dealt with (by chanelling it to kids-so you love kids more), and in effect jealousy wouldn't be a huge problem.

sah uhkti masha Allah beautiful point :up:

[Nawar]

U don't demand much :rolleyes: But i suspect ur single.

Btw Yusra: say you found your perfect shiekh, and he was married. Would you talk / negotiate with his wife to let you marry him?

What would you say, how would you sell urself to his wife to marry him?


Rain n snow :rolleyes:

You're not the only one, there's a lot like u - even here on the forum.

But say, someone with potential asked u to marry him. In ur terms of agreement, will u expect him to memorize Sh. Anwat Al-Awlaki's herafter series, n improve his Qur'an pronounciation n recitation to be more melodious? Or have u set ur requirements in stone?

Aren't u a bit young to be discussin' bein' a 2nd wife? Last time I read u wanted to quit Uni.


and arent you a bit too nosey? :rolleyes:

You should really quit asking people personal questions and making assumptions, its highly irritating.

[Nawar]

Personally, I don't think women should love their husbands excessively, and if they have kids they should spend their love more on their kids if they are going to be a co-wife. :inlove:

At least that way, you still have rights, and the husband still has to take care of you. Love is something that can be dealt with (by chanelling it to kids-so you love kids more), and in effect jealousy wouldn't be a huge problem.


Hmm. Its not exactly a switch that turns on and off, or can be increased our decreased. Sounds a bit robotic. He is her Jannah, how can she NOT love him excessively? What does excessively mean anyway? :scratch:

The wives of the Prophet (saw) didnt love him any less did they. The jealousy is a test for the woman, and InshAllah there are many ways she can try and deal with it without comprimising the love for her husband.

[`asiya]

Hmm. Its not exactly a switch that turns on and off, or can be increased our decreased. Sounds a bit robotic. He is her Jannah, how can she NOT love him excessively? What does excessively mean anyway? :scratch:

The wives of the Prophet (saw) didnt love him any less did they. The jealousy is a test for the woman, and InshAllah there are many ways she can try and deal with it without comprimising the love for her husband.

Sis the thing is many woman are almost obsessed about "love" "oh i love him, oh hes mine, oh i cant live without him" we love people even our husbands for the sake of Allah ta ala, how many women put up with husbands who dont pray, who drink alcohol, who commit adultery out of this so called "love" that is not love,that is obsession and its a type of insanity in imho, so if u are married u love your husband for the sake of Allah ta ala, you love him because he obeys Allah ta ala, and advises his family to goodness, not just because "hes mine i love him, nothing will tear us apart no matter what he does" kind of fairy tale romantic nonsense that many speak about.

Our love should be only for the sake of Allah ta ala even between a husband and wife, so if your husband has another wife you love the fact that he is marrying her for the sake of Allah ta ala, it gives you more time to spend and concentrate on the children you channel your love towards your children while he is away, and hold your love for him in your heart like a precious jewel to be treasured, and you will love him more for being just,for taking the responsability of another sister for the sake of Allah, and being a good husband, and upon his return you will no doubt love him more for that.

so the love needs to be the right kind of love, not an obsessive,selfish love, but love for the sake of Allah ta ala, you love him more when u see how he raises all his children for the sake of Allah ta ala, you love him more for calling you while hes away to check up on you but as muslims we shouldnt be obsessive about love insha Allah you just dont know what tommorow will hold ( or if it will even come)

we enjoin the good and forbid the evil, if you find your husband turning into a fasiq audu billah, then you shouldnt love him still for the sake of it, you should try to help him, but if you cant then dont let "love" make you hold on to him, because remember whiles hes doing all that injustice to you, you are aiding and abetting him in disobedience to Allah ta ala by putting up with it for the sake of "love"

Allah's Messenger (salallaahu 'alaihi wa'sallam) said: Love the one whom you love to a certain degree (moderately), perhaps one day he will be someone for whom you have hatred, and hate the one for whom you have hatred to a certain degree (moderately), perhaps one day he will be one whom you love.
Hadith - at-Tirmidhee (no. 1997)

( hope that all makes sense insha Allah :) )

[ur_yusra]

Personally, I don't think women should love their husbands excessively, and if they have kids they should spend their love more on their kids if they are going to be a co-wife. :inlove:

At least that way, you still have rights, and the husband still has to take care of you. Love is something that can be dealt with (by chanelling it to kids-so you love kids more), and in effect jealousy wouldn't be a huge problem.

I agree with you there - idealistically its a good idea.

But having said that how does one control love since its something that happens so naturally.

I think to love Allah (SWT) MORE then your husband is a concept that is enough to keep a co-wife going. Why should she ruin her jannah for him.

[Nawar]

Our love should be only for the sake of Allah ta ala even between a husband and wife, so if your husband has another wife you love the fact that he is marrying her for the sake of Allah ta ala, it gives you more time to spend and concentrate on the children you channel your love towards your children while he is away, and hold your love for him in your heart like a precious jewel to be treasured, and you will love him more for being just,for taking the responsability of another sister for the sake of Allah, and being a good husband, and upon his return you will no doubt love him more for that.




Absolutely :up:

Thats what I mean, you will still love him for the sake of Allah (swt), this wont decrease. No doubt, the selfish/obsessive kind of love would prove very problematic in such a situation.

[Nawar]

I think to love Allah (SWT) MORE then your husband is a concept that is enough to keep a co-wife going. Why should she ruin her jannah for him.


Lol, nice way of looking at it :p

[junaidb]

:salams

he can have another wife cos hes allowed...

but il probably just love him less since my love wernt enough :torture:

:rubeyes: :smack: i cannot believe sum1 as intelligent as u wud feel that he married agen because ur love wasnt enuf.....
do u 4 a second think that he did it cos its a sunnah and that maybe the sis was needy......

I guess we r sooo westernized in our thinking that we make silly excuses for things that are permitted in deen or is it cultural baggage again?????


:coolbro:

[Ebony]

If people insist on following the Sunnah to a tee, then technically you should only take more than one wife after your first wife passes away.

:rolleyes:

[Kal-El]

:rubeyes: :smack: i cannot believe sum1 as intelligent as u wud feel that he married agen because ur love wasnt enuf.....
do u 4 a second think that he did it cos its a sunnah and that maybe the sis was needy......

I guess we r sooo westernized in our thinking that we make silly excuses for things that are permitted in deen or is it cultural baggage again?????


:coolbro:


What I don't understand is that often, when women choose to get into a Polygamous marriage; others question her motives and decision in an excessively derogative way.

And when women say no to Polygamous marriage, they are also questioned and criticised. There's no justification for either - they are free to do as they wish and free from judgement in that decision, so who are we to question - let alone criticise them?

[Al-Muhaajiroun]

yeh I wouldnt mind being second wife.. I prefer it actually.. because married men are slightly more mature I think..

And experienced being a husband shall we say. ;)

[junaidb]

What I don't understand is that often, when women choose to get into a Polygamous marriage; others question her motives and decision in an excessively derogative way.

And when women say no to Polygamous marriage, they are also questioned and criticised. There's no justification for either - they are free to do as they wish and free from judgement in that decision, so who are we to question - let alone criticise them?



:salams

i am not criticizing nor am i questioning the motive....but what i am saying is that we should stop for a moment and think carefully abt the reason a man takes on a second wife. here the sis clearly felt that her love was not sufficient....n that in my book is jumping to conclusions or cultural baggage.

you know we can go on and on till Qiyaamah or till we blue in the face but in the end Almighty Allah Subhanahu Ta'ala 's law is absolute and final......

but coming back to ur statement that they are free to either accept or deny polygamous marriages.....are you telling me that we can take what we like and leave what we don't like from Sharia h cos we are free to do so???? :nono:
Please tell me that i am misunderstanding this as i don't see it any other way.

May Allah Guide us all and put us on Siraatal Mustaqeem...ameen
wassalaam

:coolbro:

[umm_huraiyrah]

Mashallah sweet story. I used to think nope can't share hubby. But then got to rethinking my ideas especially when a bro pointed out in another thread on polygamy marriages something to the nature what if she was widowed from the war. I'd be ok with it now. And actually thinking about it. It would make our lives easier as I'd have a sister to help me clean house and cook :D Seriously if my husband wanted a co-wife. I'd be ok with it. :inlove: I remember watching a news story on polygamy marriages within the mormon religion. I couldn't understand how do they all get along? Now I do. Not as a mormon but as a muslim I now understand. Any sisters wanna be a co wife to my husband?? :D

Habiba

[bintadam]

aww :75: das a lovely story

[Kal-El]

:salams

i am not criticizing nor am i questioning the motive....but what i am saying is that we should stop for a moment and think carefully abt the reason a man takes on a second wife. here the sis clearly felt that her love was not sufficient....n that in my book is jumping to conclusions or cultural baggage.

you know we can go on and on till Qiyaamah or till we blue in the face but in the end Almighty Allah Subhanahu Ta'ala 's law is absolute and final......

but coming back to ur statement that they are free to either accept or deny polygamous marriages.....are you telling me that we can take what we like and leave what we don't like from Sharia h cos we are free to do so???? :nono:
Please tell me that i am misunderstanding this as i don't see it any other way.

May Allah Guide us all and put us on Siraatal Mustaqeem...ameen
wassalaam

:coolbro:

Hi,

I don't quite understand your question.

I read your point regarding why some women can reject the concept of Polygamy - you referred to it as "cultural/social baggage" and so the women should try to drop that....

But what you failed to mention is that although many of the perceptions are fuelled by culture and society, they are based on facts and past experiences. E.g. it is possible that a Polygamous marriage could cause in an unstable relationship quickly. Analysing the reasons for that and they are due to natural human emotions such as jealousy for example.

Allah says that we should not encourage Polygamy, and I think one of the main reasons for that is that not every one can handle the demands of such a relationship.

So my point is that although the perceptions are fuelled by culture, they are ultimately passed on based on factual experiences. Having said that, a woman doesn't need hear'say to reject a polygamous marriage, she could realise for herself that she may not be able to control her emotions as it is demanded.

My last sentence in that post meant that from my observation; some women have been questioned and challenged for why they would reject a Polygamous marriage. This in itself is wrong. What's also saddening, is that women who accept Polygamous marriages' are also questioned and challenged.

Anyways..

There are a few reasons, off the top of my head, as to why a husband would want to marry again. It depends on the situation of his current marriage sometimes, or sometimes he has the intention of marrying multiple wives in the first place. But if he decided to marry again suddenly, then the wife will wonder as to what influenced him to marry again..."why does he want another wife? what else does he want? what can't he get from me alone?"

I think it's natural for her, right or wrong, to assume it's because he doesn't feel as intensely about her as he once did. That assumption isn't based on culture, but on raw human emotion/intuition.

[ghanamuslima]

mashallah jazak sis, it's good to know not all polygamous marriages are bad. you hear so much horror stories these days. it's very refreshing to know there's still good brothers out there.ALHAMDULILLAH

[muslim_sis]

*BUMP*

MashAllah, SubhanAllah, that was a good read. If only we had such examples in our ummah. Men do not take their role as a husband with more than one wife seriously, and then to the next extreme the first wives are divorcing, because the husband married a second. SubhanAllah.

May Allah guide to that which is best for us and to that which pleases Him and brings us closer to Him (subhanahu wa ta'ala), Ameen !

[eshanz]

why am i crying?
tears of happiness mashallah and may Allah (swt) bless u further and bless me as he has blessed u subhanallah
Zeshan x

[Rizwan]

okay brothers, lets get to the bottom line :D

Syria allows polygamy mashallah :up:

Which other Muslim countries allow it (i,e. It is not illegal in the constitution/laws- such as Turkey, where it is forbidden because they are trying to please the West:rolleyes: more then Allah (swt))

I would guess:

Syria, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Oman, Kuwait, Egypt??

Pakistan (until recently Musharraf trying to mess it up but still can be done), what about Morocco (i know they are trying to be "modern" these days) and Tunisia i think its banned,

What about Dubai and UAE?? also what if you a non-dubai national?? :coolbro:

[miss-islamic]

^sharrrrrrrraaapppppp.

mashallah jazak sis, it's good to know not all polygamous marriages are bad. you hear so much horror stories these days. it's very refreshing to know there's still good brothers out there.ALHAMDULILLAH


Indeed. :up: Though I still worry about the first wife in the story...

[Maureen]

:salams

lol i wouldnt go that far....:rolleyes:

i dno i think the whole watching him become more mature would be more rewarding than like having the ready made man....flaws make people :D

I would not like it at all. Apart from any religious reason, Iwould see him going to another woman as a slap in the face. The main thing is that how could a female build up an intimate relationhip with a male who is going with others?
In spite of what I have said, I do realise that polgamy can work for some women, as portrayed in the lovely story here.

[abuduha]

Asalamu alaykum my dear sister in Islam,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you wrote. I am a brother who believes in polygamy very strongly. I believe there are many benefits to this beautiful sunnah of our beloved prophet (saw). It helps to maintain the halal. Allah (swt) is the only one who knows what's in the heart of the believing man who wants to undertake such a marriage.
May Allah (swt) open the hearts and minds of our sisters in Islam to this noble sunnah of Muhammad (saw). May they draw comfort and strength from your words. AMEEN.

[abuduha]

Asalamu alaykum
Where are all you beautiful sisters in deen who defend this noble sunnah? Please where are you hiding. As for the situation where the brother marries without telling his first wife, personally I am against it, but it depends on the situation of the brother. Maybe telling his first wife may do more harm than good. Those who understand their deen know that you do not need permission from one wife to take another wife. But if a husband has won the heart of the first wife and his aklaq is good,then she will accept it for the sake of Allah (swt). But there is too many external pressures that stop her from obeying Allah (swt) and obeying the rasool (saw).
Sisters who love this sunnah. Please step forward.

[ur_yusra]

Asalamu alaykum
Where are all you beautiful sisters in deen who defend this noble sunnah? Please where are you hiding. As for the situation where the brother marries without telling his first wife, personally I am against it, but it depends on the situation of the brother. Maybe telling his first wife may do more harm than good. Those who understand their deen know that you do not need permission from one wife to take another wife. But if a husband has won the heart of the first wife and his aklaq is good,then she will accept it for the sake of Allah (swt). But there is too many external pressures that stop her from obeying Allah (swt) and obeying the rasool (saw).
Sisters who love this sunnah. Please step forward.

:wswrwb:

..and the purpose of that would be... :scratch:

[abuduha]

Asalamu alaykum

Sister Ur Yusra the purpose is, if there are genuine sisters out there who love this sunnah of the prophet (saw) they're very hard to find. There are brothers who would love to enter into a polygamous marriage with a righteous sister. This is not a game. The fear of Allah (swt) must always be constantly on the mind of the believers. I truly believe that polygamy can work, but finding sisters especially in the UK is very difficult. So this is why I said, if there are sincere sisters out there who love this sunnah they should make themselves be known. So that they can become garments for the believeing man.

[Noor_Usman]

Asalamalikum.

Sorry if I repeat anything or have missed some one making a very good point as I am posting after only reading the first two pages but do not have enough time to fully finish reading this topic at this very moment in time.

Right....
May Allah Tallah forgive me if I am wrong but this is what I have learnt..

The brother can not marry another wife without first giving his intention to do so. He must make it known to the first wife. Remember we are all judged on our intentions and to keep something like this hidden from your wife is obviously not right as it will effect her whole life and not just his own. We have been told that women were created with the weakness for gossip and jealousy. The main vices ALL us sisters need to work hard to break.

Now, if the first wife can not except it then she can not stop her husband. He has the duty to inform her but not to ask for permission. He can marry again even if she is kicking and screaming about it :rolleyes: Inshallah she will agree but if she doesn't then there are only 2 options left to her. To carry on with life... seeing this as a way to improve herself and her deen and inshallah life will become all the more sweeter. Or she can ask for a divorce on the grounds that she would rather be dead than married to him. She has no right to ask him to divorce the 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) wife and it is not his duty to divorce her - ...although obviously if he would rather be dead than married to her then he can.....but it is HER that has to accept it's his undeniable right to re-marry.

There are obviously guides as to why a man should re-marry such as because his wife is sick and can not care for him...because she can not give him children...because there are far more men than women in the community and many of the sisters have no one to care for them etc. And it is still only on the grounds that he can treat them all equally.

Sadly a lot of glamour seems to have been placed on it nower days and many younger brothers now see it as a way of being able to 'play the field legally' and laugh about it so much it is putting a bad light on it.

Sisters are also losing their respect for the mens rights and being brain washed by 'the norm' in other societies. It is well known and well said that women are jealous creatures and cringe at the thought of sharing their man who they care for so much.....but we must keep in sight sisters that Allah has allowed them to re-marry and to make us have to share them...and how can we dispute with Him?? :up:
THIS is our innate weakness which we must overcome.


:zzz: lol

Personally I admit that when we got married last year I told my husband that I couldn't deny his right to remarry but that I couldn't bare sharing him so he should know that if he ever wanted another wife I'd be filing for divorce :embar:

Since then I have learnt a lot al'hamdilliah and become best friends with girl who is a 2nd wife. Her life is so much chaos...one of those tails that puts you off polygamy...the first wife just can't and wont accept her....but her strength through it all has inspired me and inshallah IF my husband ever did marry again I would try so hard to make it work....as daunting as I still find it :D

[sadia n]

In my experience (from people that I know), polygyny has brought A LOT of grief.

First of all, most Muslim men don't follow the Sunnah. The prophet married mostly widows or divorced women, but that's not the women that most men want to have as second wives.

Secondly, there's no FREE mixing in Islam. So how do these men find these wives? In my experience, there is usually quite a bit of haram involved in this.

Thirdly, this thing about not telling the other wife...is... just wrong. How can you trust your husband ever again if he lied to you and kept something from you as big as this? And this is DEFINITELY not part of the sunnah since the prophet never kept his marriages secret.

Fourth, the prophet married these women for the sake of them, because they were alone and unprotected, or to help his adopted son, or to make ties with other tribes. He did it for the sake of the Ummah and for the sake of Allah. He didn't do it because he was bored, he wanted to have more sex, or he wasn't having such a good marriage and instead of trying to work on it to make it better, he went out and found a new wife.

In addition, the "best of men are the one that are best to their wives". That's also a Sunnah, isn't it? So if you marrying another women is going to make your wife miserable for the rest of her life, it you had agreed with her that you were not going to take other wives... then why do this? Especially when you're doing it for your sake and not for the sake of the other wife or for the sake of Allah.

Moreover, most people that follow madhabs (I don't know how it's with salafis) follow what the 4 school of thoughts call Fiqh al-aqaliyy or "Fiqh of Muslim minorities". And the fiqh is clear in that if you're in a non-Muslim country, you have to respect the law of the land, unless the laws impede you from practising your religious obligations or oblige you to do sinful stuff. So if you live in a country where polygyny is illegal, then you have to respect the law of the country.

Finally, I do acknowledge that I have seen a few cases where, all praise be to God, there was woman with no family, and a man, in agreement with his wife, decided to take her as a second wife. I've seen this in Syria a couple of times. The Imam would announce that there's a woman with no family who became a widow, etc. and then there would be men who would marry her. There's no haram involved but a lot of good will and a lot of Iman there.

I have to admit that I admire these kind of women because I couldn't do this. When I got married both my husband and I agreed that he wouldn't take any more wives (he can't do it here anyways because it's illegal, although he could do it in Syria). And then we agreed that if we wanted to help women, we would house them and treat them like family, but the only wife would be me. May Allah forgive me for my shortcomings.

seriously sis,,dats wat i want to say thanks .......:D i agree with u totally:inlove:

[PiElle]

I would agree if the second wife agrees to do most, if not all of the houshold chores but i wont do if i become second wife. then again, i won't know cos i can't even get myself married in the first place...@)