Money

[Quest]

Asalama alaykum

erm i dont know how this is gonna look but here goes. i have an issue about money where spouses are concerned, walahi i am only saying this because many sisters share the same feeling only many do not bring it up or admit it for fear of being labelled westernized.

so it will be nice if the bros listen, after all am just text on your screen and i wouldnt have the guts to say this out loud lol talk about taking advantage of cyber

here goes, the other day my best friend and i were talking about put offs, she asked me what mine was regarding husbands, i thought and thought and apart from bad hygiene (which is not an issue with muslims alhamdulilaah unless they aint practicing)

i said "i guess a man who cant use his own initiative" this could mean many things so i elaborated with an example that bought it on home i said

"ok uktii u know me bear that in mind b4 i say what am gonna say, i dont mean to come across westernized, and i am aware our husbands are suppose to provide for us, and that they work for us, but walahi i cant see myself sticking out my hand asking for money and him getting it out and giving me the ammount i requested or more what ever the case as much as i try to picture that scene i cant do it"

she says "OMG quest i cant believe u said that walahi me to"

quest "this is what i mean about a brother who uses his initiative, i am the type of woman who likes to go 2 her purse expecting the change i had in there 2 be there only to find money my husband slipped in"

again she agreed

so my question is is this feeling wrong? i dont plan 2 work when am married inshahallah even part time (am lazy) lol just kidding but theres a half truth there!

the reason i feel like this has nothing 2 do with pride walahi its not the case, its just am different in such issues for example if i know u need something u may be my blood relative or a dear muslima friend, i wont make u ask, i would give it 2 you in a way u wont think its sadaqa or anything like that.

if i wanted u 2 do something with me but u was so broke robbing u would be considered practice, i would say lets do it if u then said "but quest i dont have any money"

i usually reply "what are u talking about ? Allah gave us such and such ammount" then i would get the money out and say "look"

because of this trait in my personality i would expect my spouse to be similar, one thing i hate is sticking my hand out, this is why am not materialistic

brothers many sisters feel this way, so use ur initiative, dont make her ask, just leave money lying around hehe or better yet slip it into her purse

obviously if its something specific like hey we need a new fridge and if he said "how much is it" and i replied "the one i want is 200" and he said cool.
i would want him to use his initiative and come give me the money when he gets it, not make me come back and say "can i have the money ...."

i wonder what ur views are on this, am i being .......

[Emelianenko]

Hmm...id have to disagree to some extent sis, firstly most of me pals who married and tht have a joint account with their spouse and it is something i would recommend inshaAllah.

..secondly its not as easy as oh i want money in me purse and i want it widout asking, remember every brother is not the same, some mashaAllah got good wages others may not have and earn enough to maybe support the family and a little left over here and their..With this kind of attitude tht i want money without asking and bla bla, how would the brother know how much the wife wants? what amount will make her happy?? he may leave money for her and she still may not be satisfied? and sometimes the husband may be having financial difficulties and may find it embarrasing to say to the wife oh sorry aint got enough cash for ya, ya kno to give ya to spend bla bla...the wife has to use her head and initiative also. Remember the story of the Prophet saw and when he parted from his wives for an entire month and refused to see the companions? why? cus his wives just mentioned how others living in luxury and how they would like a bit more, and the prophet saw said he doesnt have the means to provide tht and this upset him greatly.

Ya know this thing of sisters having this attitude "oh he should know what i want without having to ask", i have seen this attitude and stance put many hurdles into marriages, and the fact the sister is not prepared to let her gaurd down when she knows talking will help, then aye i would class that as pride and stupidity.

LOL ya know thts like saying...oh im sitting der all hungry...daym tht woman better know she better start cookin'! and use her initiative! LOL!

[greenwater]

lol, one mistake I think sisters end up making too often and end up causing themselves to be hurt, is always believing the brothers knows what a sister wants. Even sometimes giving minor hints, does not mean a brother knows what you want, its always best to tell him straight. Too often you hear of sisters complaining about their husband not doing this or that, or not knowing this and that, and if you ask them if they actually sat down and spoke with the husband they'll say no. Brother's are used to interacting with other brothers and we tend to talk straight, saying what one means exactly. :)

As to money, I would think that husband and wife would have a joint account, which if they don't, then they should as I think its the best solution, unless the wife or husband is a shopaholic, then the one who is likely most responsible should be given responsibility to look after the finances.

[.: Anna :.]

I agree with greenwater in a way, if we dont tell them that we want it a certain way, they aint gna know and they will just do it in their way, then we get in a mood and they have no idea why :confused: lol poor hubbies :embar:

Still, I know what u mean its not nice if every time you have to go running and asking for everything and every small thing if u had to say "please can I this exact amount for this exact item" maybe we wanted some spending money or just for whatever wen the time arrises and we need something, so its nice if they are working and ur not, if they give u like a regular income just decide a decent amount and have it direct debit over 2 ur account lol, then if u need more for some reason, I guess u go and ask...

[Quest]

lol oh emel shame on u, u thought i was talking about a large ammount of money for like a shopping spree, haha no i meant minor things like change for nourishment or something

i get what u mean though bro, the book men are from mars women from venus taught me a lot.

i think anna got my drift the most, joint account is a great idea, but many dont have one, i was talking about situations when they dont have one, it will be nice if the hubby left like a tenner or something for neccesitys instead of the wife asking for it.

of course sisters should take into consideration the bigger issues like how much he makes or whats more important where money is concerned.

i was not saying oh he should know what we want, period, i just meant its weird sticking ur hand out, if ur hubby knows u may need a certain something thru common sense, i just said he should use his initiative and give it 2 u if he has it without u having 2 ask


greenwater emel and anna thanks for responding
and am sorry if i come across inconsiderate, i was just stating something based on one angle of logic not all, of course everything depends on the situation. and the situation should be considered. personaly i want a husband who earns minimum wage. the less he earns the simpiler life we lead. the simpiler the more humble we are inshahallah

so when i said what i said i did have in mind how much the hubby could be making. and a lot was not that ammount.

yes every bro is not the same financial ways its got nothing to do with money, i was just talking about common sense u know, i think my mistake is i think people should be like me in certain situations. example if i am going to a certain place i would like change in my pocket for what ever, if my friend was going 2 the same place and she had no money, i would give it 2 her without her asking because common sense tells me she may need for what u need when u go

thats all i meant abt the hubby using similar initiative.

peace all :_)

[ur_yusra]

I wouldn't ask my husband for money..

I would just take it..

[MalikOne™]

As long as she waxes ma car after Fajr every morning im jiggy :hidban: I'll give her a bit of cash. :D

[neelu]

Men often don't instinctively understand such things; you have to speak to them about it first. Besides, if I had five pounds in my pocket and my husband slipped in another tenner without me noticing, I wouldn't realise he's being considerate or discrete, I'd find it strange and wonder if I've just gone crazy or did I forget to count my cash correctly earlier on.

[mgk81]

I'd say its best in the husband handing the wife money. There should be love, respect and understanding between them, no pride with regards to money especially, as that can break-up a happy home, if u allow it to.
Imagine a husband handing his wife money, how would/should she feel, its showing her that the husband is thinking of her personal needs etc (depending on his financ status ofcors), and when she receives it just a smile from her would make him feel appreciated for his long hours at work etc. and who knows he might throw in a bonus :inlove:
And well if its a stingy husband, u allowed to "steal" from him :D

But well if a man and woman knows there rights in Islam in a marriage, and lives there lives accordingly and treats each with kindness love understanding being patient etc, there would be prosperity in the marriage, no matter how much or less in worldy profit there is.

[Supernova Nebula]

I'd say its best in the husband handing the wife money. There should be love, respect and understanding between them, no pride with regards to money especially, as that can break-up a happy home, if u allow it to.
Imagine a husband handing his wife money, how would/should she feel, its showing her that the husband is thinking of her personal needs etc (depending on his financ status ofcors), and when she receives it just a smile from her would make him feel appreciated for his long hours at work etc. and who knows he might throw in a bonus :inlove:
And well if its a stingy husband, u allowed to "steal" from him :D

But well if a man and woman knows there rights in Islam in a marriage, and lives there lives accordingly and treats each with kindness love understanding being patient etc, there would be prosperity in the marriage, no matter how much or less in worldy profit there is.

:up: well said. this type of husband deserves to receive more from the wifey:D gifts for hubby's day maybe:D

[Tahiyah]

this is so cute

i hate to spoil it for all of you, but after your married a few years, have a few kids, your no longer going to have any trouble about asking for money, in fact, i am sure you will remind him its time to deposit some money into your account for you

once you have children and maintain a household together... things change

May Allah (swt) bless you all with pious spouses. amin.

[Al-ghurabah]

ok. money issue..lol
i tell my wife if she needs money just to ask if not we both have seperate bank accounts and some of the child benefits and tax credits go to heraccount which she has acess to.
its not that men do not like to use their own intitiative. my wife says the same sometimes. "i dont like to ask for money" etc.. but i forget most times. i do give her money if she asks or if she goes somehwre like her mums or shopping..

but i know what you mean... that is why i tell my wife. use money from your account.. as i may not be that reliable as i tend to forget .

best thing is to talk it through..
what is the shame or embarassment in asking for money from your husband.. this is your right over him.. for him too lokk after you. feed you shelter you cloth you...

its not a stranger your asking its your own husband..