Reverse psychology when it comes to brothers and polygamy

[Quest]

Asalama alaykum i pray people read the lines of what i write and not between the lines, i have a tendencie for being misunderstood

you all know many sisters have issues with polygamy, we also know many handle the situation wrong, am not talking about a brother wanting a 2nd wife. no i mean the whole concept of it.

honestly reverse psychology works like a charm, if a bro asks u thru a casual conversation about your thoughts regarding polygamy.

do not where your feelings on your sleeve this is a mistake many sisters make, and without realising they insult ALLAH indirectly by mocking a law he established thru his hikma same as those who say things akin to "eww marry your cousin oh hell no thats just nasty"

what he/she just did is attribute filth/nastiness to ALLAH, For indeed ALLAH is far above legislating filth

anywho

some tips for the sisters when it comes to polygamy it works for me and my girls so if excercised correctly inshahallah it will for you to

say your wali are aware and u are getting to know a particular brother (kinda like the situation i am in now)

one way or the other polygamy will come up, and he may ask your views on this.

tip one two and so on

* do not go off on a tangent, it will make u appear weak faithed and what not

*respond calmly

example "it is not my place to make haram for my husband that which allah made halal"
this shows him instantly that u are not only wise but that u are a woman who thinks before she speaks

* talk about the general benefits to polygamy (example what if u cant have children? and its clear the problem is your oven? in this circumstance i would personaly bring him another wife and invest in him by using the opportunity to get a reward in the next life)

*what ever u do, do not appear clingy or needy

finaly use reverse psychology my faveriote line is

"Allah tests us women thru jealousy, how fortunate would i be if i was blessed with a husband who brings ease to my heart by helping me thru such tests instead of subjecting me to them"

^ this works,

the response is usually I AM THAT MAN :hidban:

then u will be like "well allrighty then we will see" (here is when u turn around and laugh slyly lol mission accomplished)

one thing about men is they love women who do not appear to clingy and emotionaly wrecked.

u know the saying how can i miss u if u wont go away? lol dont get clingy

making threats of divorce if he thinks about marrying wife 2, will only make him want to do it more as it will somehow put him off.

the best thing is to appear RCC in such situations (reserved calm and collected)

honestly if there was jihad for example and many bros were marytered and my hubby was one of the few that returned. and i saw a particular sister i loved for the sake of ALLAH strugling to cope alone with her orphan kids (especialy the kids of a mujahid)

i would invite her to be my co-wife so long as my hubby didnt mind

that and if i couldnt for what ever reason GOD FORBID have children

i think these are the only 2 situations i would not mind polygamy, any other reason would hurt me

but even then never show this to your husband, show them to ALLAH.
if polygamy comes up in a conversation with a potential spouse. do not get all emotional about it.

u can show him what u think with wisdom, and this is done by acknowledging the benefits of polygamy, the needs for it (like what i mentioned above abt jihad and children) and finaly after all that is mentioned, bring up the personal effect it will have on u and how u would rather be spared from it. but do this using reverse psychology

look at the difference between saying

"I dont want u to marry someone else it will break my heart, u dont understand how it will be like and what it will do to me imagine if it was the other way around" etc etc

u basicaly said i want u all 2 myself and why not? u want me to urself


and saying this

"Allah tests us women thru jealousy, how fortunate would i be if i was blessed with a husband who brings ease to my heart by helping me thru such tests instead of subjecting me to them"

what u basicaly said here is more straight to the point, it doesnt seem emotionaly influenced, and it shows how he could be a source of khayr for u, by helping u with trials instead of making them for u.

peace feed back wlc this is just my opinion am sure some may not agree.

[Te'oma]

finaly use reverse psychology my faveriote line is

"Allah tests us women thru jealousy, how fortunate would i be if i was blessed with a husband who brings ease to my heart by helping me thru such tests instead of subjecting me to them"

^ this works,

the response is usually I AM THAT MAN :hidban:

then u will be like "well allrighty then we will see" (here is when u turn around and laugh slyly lol mission accomplished)



alaykum wasalaam

You are a sly one :D I hope that the brother that you finally marry knows exactly what he is getting himself into

[Irfan GBH]

alaykum wasalaam

You are a sly one :D I hope that the brother that you finally marry knows exactly what he is getting himself into

Well she's posted it on forums so we can always point out this post to him :up:

[Emelianenko]

Reverse Psychology = tryna be a smartasss :D

[Quest]

lool T am also a just person i will never be sly 2 benefit when he doesnt at the same time (well not always haha)

Irfan fortuntely for me my hubby 2 be is not a computer person, oh god imagine he was a member here so much exposure. even if he did, i was thinking how would he know my username is quest, then i saw my avater but i doubt its recognisable if it was i wouldnt have posted it.

emel lool

[HamnahBintJahsh]

JazakAllahu khere for this advice..

It made me laugh when I read it.. because I did the exact rantings and ravings that should not be done.. haha..

But khere.. I don't really know what men prefer..

I like this reverse psychology..

[Arifa]

You're a well sly sis-lol.

Nice tip Alhamdullillah...

Love all your posts! Keep up :up:

[Nawar]

The reverse psychology might not work...especially since now all the brothers are gona know about it and pass it on to their bro friends and then they pass it on and on and on and then the whole world will know about our sisterly slyness....damn!!! lol

To be honest, I dont think the issue is addressed properly by brothers and sisters alike. It is a serious issue and should be discussed accordingly, without it turning in to a joke or a passing comment as it does sometimes. Thats the case with the marriage topic in general actually. More Qur'aan and sunnah educating ourselves about marriage in Islam, and less opinions and preferences me thinks...

[Quest]

emel looooool that was hilarious (cant wait to see T's come back)

mys tiq haha thanks sis

nawwar u make an excellent point as always, this should have been posted in the sisters section!!

oh i agree with u about educating ourselfs on this issue, and i partly agree about the opinion part, i dont mind opinions so long as they are in favor of getting the haqq across with good logic.

[Jum'u@h]

LoL @ The Reverse Psychology :D - Mash'Allah tho, good stuff - the thing is - its unlikely to work because most bros know that most sisters dont like the Polygyny (when Men marry more than one) business even if they act sly about it.

They were discussin the Issue on Islam Channel once...mash'Allah it was a brill discussion, and the Sheikh pointed something out - which perhaps insha'Allah will help those sisters that go :( on the thought of a second wifey . . . he said that - Allah says in the Qur'an:

"...but it may well be that you hate a thing while it is good for you, and it may well be that you love a thing while it is bad for you: and God knows, whereas you do not know..." 2:216

So, even tho sisters dislike this - it could be that there is much good in it for them insha'Allah :) - Allah Hu Alam - he said many other really good stuff, but if i say it all here it could go off topic, would require its own Thread.

Personally tho, I think I would be satisfied focussing all my love and care on one wife :inlove: and receiving likewise from her :inlove: , and would only do that in a time of neccesity - thass juss my opinion.

I dnt think broz that wanna marry twice or thrice of frice(is that right loool :( ) shud get penalized at all...as it is law of Allah. Unfortunately tho, even if their wife accepts it, and it is Halal Islamically the community will automatically assume that there was something wrong with the first wife or that he was displeased

:1peace:

[Nawar]

emel looooool that was hilarious (cant wait to see T's come back)

mys tiq haha thanks sis

nawwar u make an excellent point as always, this should have been posted in the sisters section!!

oh i agree with u about educating ourselfs on this issue, and i partly agree about the opinion part, i dont mind opinions so long as they are in favor of getting the haqq across with good logic.


Yeh lol...ahh well, doesnt matter, maybe the bros wont notice :rolleyes: ...lol

and :embar: ...yeh I make a FEW random good points now and again, depends on me mood really :p ....lol

Yeh I agree getting the haqq across with logic inshallah...when I said opinions, I kind of meant, I think sometimes we can get a bit carried away about what we 'think' about marriage. Polygamy is just one of them topics that falls prey to that, and like I said, becomes like a joke when it is an important serious issue.

Ofcourse we can share our experiences etc and things, but I think in reality, the laws of Allah (swt) and the sunnah govern what we think on these issues and how we should deal with them, and that ties back to educating ourselves on these laws inshallah. With this marriage forum now, it would be nice to just see more on the Qur'aan and Sunnah, fiqh issues on marriage etc, helping us to acheive that education objective inshallah.

[Unique Muslimah]

I dnt think broz that wanna marry twice or thrice of frice(is that right loool :( ) shud get penalized at all...as it is law of Allah. Unfortunately tho, even if their wife accepts it, and it is Halal Islamically the community will automatically assume that there was something wrong with the first wife or that he was displeased
:1peace:
Frice..:rotfl:

[K@M]

"Allah tests us women thru jealousy, how fortunate would i be if i was blessed with a husband who brings ease to my heart by helping me thru such tests instead of subjecting me to them"

^ this works,

the response is usually I AM THAT MAN :hidban:
:salams,
Lol, mashaAllah nice thread to get all the sisters excited with. Problem is, what if your husband, you know, has a brain :p. If my wife said that to me, I would know she is getting cheeky, and would reply:

"Allah only burderns a soul with as much as it can handle, so once I get another wife inshaAllah, you will be able to handle it, cos Allah only gave you that test cos he knew you could handle it. Your husband is your key to paradise, tests are good, the more you get and the harder they are, the more likely you are to get into paradise. how fortunate would it be if I was blessed with a wife who aids me in my decisions instead of rebelling against them"

And then she replies: dont worry, I'll save you and show you that Im the better wife :hidban:*and so the competition begins*



And then you get one slap to the left cheek from her and regret ever saying such a thing.

[Quest]

:salams,
Lol, mashaAllah nice thread to get all the sisters excited with. Problem is, what if your husband, you know, has a brain :p. If my wife said that to me, I would know she is getting cheeky, and would reply:

"Allah only burderns a soul with as much as it can handle, so once I get another wife inshaAllah, you will be able to handle it, cos Allah only gave you that test cos he knew you could handle it. Your husband is your key to paradise, tests are good, the more you get and the harder they are, the more likely you are to get into paradise. how fortunate would it be if I was blessed with a wife who aids me in my decisions instead of rebelling against them"

And then she replies: dont worry, I'll save you and show you that Im the better wife :hidban:*and so the competition begins*



And then you get one slap to the left cheek from her and regret ever saying such a thing.

loool i think we should lock u in a cave, i mean GOOD LORD u stole my style towards the end, HOW HORRIBLE lool

pretty smooth, but u forgot the reality loool no woman would give u that much time to say all that.

dont forget women usually win every argument and anything he says after that is usually the begining of a new argument.

unless of course she is sprung:inlove:

[ibn suleman]

hmmm...

on Islam QA http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=85239&dgn=4

one point that stood out is:
What is the point of bringing up this issue that causes problems – do you want to make her miserable for the rest of her life?

good advice there!

[Quest]

lol jum thanks for ur reply i read it earliar i had something to say but totally forgot now because am like replying few hours later oh well :_)

ibn thanks for the link

[Jum'u@h]

No Worries, Barak Allah Hu Feek :)

[ibn suleman]

what i don't understnd is why polygyny has become such a big issue!

so many sisters seem to be worried about their husbands wanting to get married to another woman, but how often does it happen, compared to how often it doesn't?

sure, brothers think abt it (especially before gettin married the first time) but most married brothers will agree that one is plenty. and plus the responsibility on the brother is huge, he has to treat the wives equally, look after two families, provide (seperate) housing for both, and one scholar even goes as far as to say that you need an extra house, in case both wives are angry at you!:D

so sisters if you're married to a brother who is that committed and has such strong imaan that he will be just and can provide all that and he wants to get married again, then Islamically it is allowed. and in reality muslim brothers as such are very rare, and why would you want to let them go?

unfortunately though this is a issue that causes so many problems, brothers don't use wisdom when bringing this topic up (why bring it up, if ur not serious?), and sisters don't respond in the best manner, (why get upset when you know he's not serious)

and if for whatever reason the topic does come up, usually because the husband wants to annoy/tease the wife then respond as Sr Quest pointed out in the first post.

and brothers remember
1=:torture:
2=:torture: :torture: :torture: :torture: :torture: :torture:

:D :D

[Emelianenko]

Aye Ibn Suliman u raise a good point. Especially amongst Muslim born and bred in the west its not common at all, so if the Husband doesnt raise the issue i dnt see why the wife should..its creating unnecessary tiffs for no reason.

[ur_yusra]

you know the statement that sis Quest has bought up its not actually reverse psychology at all.. its 100% true..

Jealousy is a hefty test for a woman.. and if a man eased her test by having her as his only wife then good on the man I say.. And I agree with the points Ibn Suleman made.. how many men actually marry more then once?? not many at all.. so most of the time we discuss it only for the sake of arguing..