If your already married..

[Arsalan]

Does your wife have to know you have a second wife , or your looking for a second wife.?

:confused:

[Arsalan]

I hope my wife ainit reading this.:shock::embar::nervous:

[.: Anna :.]

Personally I dont know how any husband could do that without some element of lying, and lying is from the shaytan... I don't think its plausable. Headed only for disaster.
If ur not man enough to tell ur first wife if u wanted a 2nd wife, and atleast be honest, I dnt think u will be capable to have two wives and treat them properly.
Just my opinion

[Tahiyah]

Personally I dont know how any husband could do that without some element of lying, and lying is from the shaytan... I don't think its plausable. Headed only for disaster.
If ur not man enough to tell ur first wife if u wanted a 2nd wife, and atleast be honest, I dnt think u will be capable to have two wives and treat them properly.
Just my opinion

i agree. how can you maintain two wives if you cannot even tell the first wife about the second?

its her right to know, and its her right to know that you desire this as well.

sure polygyny is hard on women, but i think brothers can make it easier on the sisters by assuring them that the 2nd or 3rd (whatever) wife, is not going to be her competition and remind her of that frequently, remind her that you marrying again, is not going to change your feelings for her and if anything, your feelings will grow, as having more than one wife will make you even more attentive to her needs. Inshaa Allah.

there are many things you can say, to help the situation. just ask a sister, what a sister would like to hear :)

[Arsalan]

Salams yeh women are the best people to ask. Thanks alot sisters for your Naseeha.

[imran1976]

I hope my wife ainit reading this.:shock::embar::nervous:
why afraid.......:D

[MG]

it is plausible and sensible to tell your wife ur going to have a second wife, unless your as thick as 2 planks.

As faras im aware u dont need her permission tho

[muslimah85]

:salams

Its better asking her otherwise their could be a divorce or seperation on the cards.

And yes it may be a husbands right to have a second wife, but before marriage its important to let him know the feelings of not wanting him to and if after marriage he decides to have one it dosnt mean his first marriage would still exist.:rubeyes:

Therefore its important for brothers to take this into consideration before they say 'oh yeh i think ill get myself a second wife' :rolleyes:.

Some need to put their thinking caps on and look at the situation rationallly, some would hardly be able to support/maintain oe wife let alone another: :rolleyes:

:wswrwb:

[HamnahBintJahsh]

Does your wife have to know you have a second wife , or your looking for a second wife.?

:confused:

First of all.. Im sure she will find out u have a second wife if you dnt come home for the night every other day.. :)

And when she finds out she will probs wonder why you were such a coward you couldnt even tell her before hand..

Plus remember the importance of treating them both equally.. you can only do that properly if both women are aware of eachothers existance..

[Al-Nasser]

don't tell her and you will have to face a bitter day sooner or later when she find out.....and i don't think anyone can blame her if she asked for divorce instantly

you can't hide a very important life event like MARRIAGE from your life PARTNER!.....well you can but at last she will find out by chance....a stupid mistake will ruin your life (and hers)

like this man who had two wives but kept it a secret from his first.....so he used to send the office boy to buy stuff from the market for his two wives.....so one day the office boy messed up and sent wife B stuff to wife A and when she said "i didn't ask him to send me this" naivly the office boy answered "oh...this got to be miss Salam's stuff"....she asked "who?"..the extremly naive office boy answered "Salma is the name of your husband's 2nd wife, right?"..............stupid mistake but unavoidable...

a secret second wife tastes like a mistress......like alcohol free beer....Halal but it doesn't taste right

[wazza]

your wife must know you are looking for a second wife. if you don't tell her how are you going to visit and stay the night at your 2nd wife's home? the 1st wife will question you.

the only way you can get away from not telling your 1st wife is if due to your work you travel a lot and stay away from home. your 2nd wife can be in a different city. word of advice give her the same nickname as your 1st wife and buy them the same perfumes so you won't make a mistake ;)

[Rie_Maya]

I found this article - slightly different angle - the 2nd wife whom has been kept secret from the first.....
Although I have pasted it the top and botom of it is that any sort of secret marriage - one which the wives are unaware etc is haram/not allowed!
I have one question: Imagine living with such a secret - how can they marriage be 'healthy' if one would be willing to do so??? Surely if doing it for true Islamic reasons then the husband would let the first wife know of intentions, unless ofcourse it is not for those reasons.........just something to ponder perhaps.......
Q:
I wanted to know what rights I had in my Deen in this dilemma. I am my husband’s second wife, and our marriage is undercover from everybody, my family and his family. We have been married for over three years now. When we got married my husband assured me that in three years time he would tell his wife and family, but just a few months later he told me he could never tell her, because he fears he may lose his children.

All this time I thought things might change, but they haven’t and I think it is very unlikely to change. He doesn’t spend any time with me, maybe an hour every 6-8 weeks, he doesn’t even have time to talk to me over the phone, and these things hurt me very much. When I married him I accepted the fact I had to share him, but this isn’t 50/50. When I complain that he doesn’t spend any time with me he says I am pressurizing him, so I don’t say anything, and if I am upset over this he tells me I am feeling sorry for myself.

If I knew that things would be like this, that our marriage will never be public knowledge, I would have never married him. What am I suppose to tell my family, who except me to get married. How do I explain this to the world what my relationship is with this man? I’ve tried talking to him many times; he just suggests I look for anther man to marry. I don’t think he knows how much this is hurting me, how much it effects me. He gets all this rights as my husband, yet he has taken away any rights Allah SWT has given to every wife.

I cannot talk to anyone about my problems, because I’m not allowed to tell anyone. Every problem I face, I have to face alone. He says he loves me, but they are just words to me now. I feel like I am been unjustly treated, that’s he has misled me.

I would really appreciate if you could give me some advice, maybe I am just looking at this from my point of view, and that I am wrong in thinking like this. Allah SWT knows best.

Allah Hafiz
A:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.

Dear Sister,

I pray that this message finds you in in good health and iman.

You are correct: this is a difficult situation.

My first piece of advice to you is to make sure that you have some documentation of your marriage. Since the community was not informed of your marriage, you need to be sure that you can prove that you are this brother's wife. Were there any witnesses to the marriage? Do you have a contract?

You need to go to the person who performed the marriage ceremony and apprise him of the situation.

Even more importantly, you need to consult a reliable scholar, Imam, or Muslim marriage counselor and let them know what is happening.

The brother has violated your rights as a wife on several counts.

Sacred Law absolutely requires men to treat their wives equitably. Equitable treatment includes, but is not limited to:

1. Financial support and maintenance

2. Housing

3. Companionship

4. Fair division of time between households

This is the letter of the law. If a man cannot deal equitably between wives, it is impermissible for him to enter into a polygynous marriage.
The scholars on SunniPath caution against men entering into such marriages for the very reasons you describe. Obviously your husband is concerned that if he were to tell his first wife about you, then their marriage would break up. Since there are so many relationships at stake here, yours, his first marriage, and his relationship with his children, you need to reconsider the wisdom of staying in such a situation.
Please ask Allah Most High to facilitate the best course of action by turning to Him in istikhara, or the prayer for guidance. The details are available at http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1056&CATE=4
It may be possible to resolve this situation but the intervention of a God-fearing, knowledgeable person is required.
Honesty is at the very heart of marriage. Your husband has been dishonest to both of his wives. You have a right to be recognized as your husband's wife. Secret marriages are not permitted in Islam. You also have to think about the effect this will have on your family. They do not know about this relationship. Please don't continue to hide this. It doesn't look good for either of you.
My advice to your husband is that he should follow the example of the Prophet, peace be upon him. His wives knew each other. When he would go out with one of his wives, he always introduced her so there would be no suspicion. He was honest and aboveboard in all his dealings.

[Arsalan]

Salam

JazakAllah khair for all the advice bros n sis, which i have read carefully.

Just to correct a misunderstanding. This advice is not for me, but for someone else who doesnt visit forums and finds it hard to get naseeha from bros n siss.

Alhamdoulillah iam happyily married, and personally would not marry again.

Thanks alot again :)

[baba]

I would just like to add a hadith of the Prophet (pbuh) states that the difference between the lawful and the unlawful marriage is that the former is announced.

If it is publicly announced, the first wife will know about it...

[.: Anna :.]

I would just like to add a hadith of the Prophet (pbuh) states that the difference between the lawful and the unlawful marriage is that the former is announced.

If it is publicly announced, the first wife will know about it...:up::up::up:

[Cheif]

Its a big test for a man to have one wife never mind two. Cause in the life after death if one of them complains against you for injustices and ill treatment that alone can be a ticket to HELL for you...

Disclaimer: Allah Knows best

[abuhariyah]

i agree. how can you maintain two wives if you cannot even tell the first wife about the second?

its her right to know, and its her right to know that you desire this as well.

sure polygyny is hard on women, but i think brothers can make it easier on the sisters by assuring them that the 2nd or 3rd (whatever) wife, is not going to be her competition and remind her of that frequently, remind her that you marrying again, is not going to change your feelings for her and if anything, your feelings will grow, as having more than one wife will make you even more attentive to her needs. Inshaa Allah.

there are many things you can say, to help the situation. just ask a sister, what a sister would like to hear :)

If soemthign is sunnah, such as polytgamy, don't say its "hard on women"

It is bad to believe that muhammad sallaahu alayhi wa salaam would allow something if it would sbe negative for woman.

Infact, speakign harshly about sunnah can be considered belittleing the religioun of allah, which is an act of Riddah.

[ur_yusra]

I would just like to add a hadith of the Prophet (pbuh) states that the difference between the lawful and the unlawful marriage is that the former is announced.

If it is publicly announced, the first wife will know about it...

Thats very interesting..

if possible can you please get me the source of this hadith as well as the actual wording..

jazakAllah khere..

[.: hayat :.]

when i read threads like this i say thanks to God cuse i'm christian..in my religion poligamy is not allowed..u can't pay attention to more wifes or love them all.no person would accept to share the person e loves...i want my husband only for me,to be together like one person,body and soul..a third person is only complicating the situation..u can't make them both happy..i can't imagening my husband touching,kissing,doing love with other person and after comin back and touching my skin with the hands he touched her body and private parts...ohhhhhhhhh,horrible!

[.: hayat :.]

when i read threads like this i say thanks to God cuse i'm christian..in my religion poligamy is not allowed..u can't pay attention to more wifes or love them all.no person would accept to share the person e loves...i want my husband only for me,to be together like one person,body and soul..a third person is only complicating the situation..u can't make them both happy..i can't imagening my husband touching,kissing,doing love with other person and after comin back and touching my skin with the hands he touched her body and private parts...ohhhhhhhhh,horrible!

[Kauthar]

when i read threads like this i say thanks to God cuse i'm christian..in my religion poligamy is not allowed..u can't pay attention to more wifes or love them all.no person would accept to share the person e loves...i want my husband only for me,to be together like one person,body and soul..a third person is only complicating the situation..u can't make them both happy..i can't imagening my husband touching,kissing,doing love with other person and after comin back and touching my skin with the hands he touched her body and private parts...ohhhhhhhhh,horrible!


I'm sure u don't mind him doing all of the above with his secretary or strings of mistresses or harlots on the streets. Afterall, you're better than them. You've got the marriage certificate and they haven't right?

Hence, when u don't "feel like it", you turn him out, or when u have an argument; u lock him out for weeks until u calm down, then when he comes back, u get all over him as though u didn't turn him out in the first place to seek his pleasures outside. Because you of course "cannot imagine" him with other women.

Tis quite unfortunate, he could come back with loads of diseases to ur home; or even worse, you could get a tailer on ur doors for as long as ur marriage lasts (which is directly proportional to ur patience) and then u'd just tell him to back off and go back to all "those women" 'cause u're not interested in sharing.

Unfortunately, he's gonna leave u with a broken heart.

It is a fact that most "monogamous" marriages by non-muslims involve one or more of the partners in extra-marital affairs. The way they choose to handle that however decides whether or not, it ends up in divorce.

.........sorry...........

[.: hayat :.]

I'm sure u don't mind him doing all of the above with his secretary or strings of mistresses or harlots on the streets. Afterall, you're better than them. You've got the marriage certificate and they haven't right?

Hence, when u don't "feel like it", you turn him out, or when u have an argument; u lock him out for weeks until u calm down, then when he comes back, u get all over him as though u didn't turn him out in the first place to seek his pleasures outside. Because you of course "cannot imagine" him with other women.

Tis quite unfortunate, he could come back with loads of diseases to ur home; or even worse, you could get a tailer on ur doors for as long as ur marriage lasts (which is directly proportional to ur patience) and then u'd just tell him to back off and go back to all "those women" 'cause u're not interested in sharing.

Unfortunately, he's gonna leave u with a broken heart.

It is a fact that most "monogamous" marriages by non-muslims involve one or more of the partners in extra-marital affairs. The way they choose to handle that however decides whether or not, it ends up in divorce.

.........sorry...........yeah i think ur right from a point of view..but also i can't imagine me near other wives and treated like them..i mean ..i do not accept to share my husband with certificates..u know for europeans..the wife has certificate for marriage..the other women has not..so u r more important and he can't leave u so easy cuse before marrying u he thought a lot and felt a lot cuse he knew that he will not chance so easy the certificate..but if he could have many wives he wouldn't think so much before getting the 1st wife so she wouldn't be so important like the european one..also..there r muslim who have many wives and also have misstres ..so can be cheat like one on many wives,too..

[Kauthar]

Would you honestly rather live with an unfaithful man because of the marriage certificate than let him marry another wife so he'll have no excuse to be unfaithful?

There are muslim men who've got only one wife and yet they remain faithful to them. Not because of a marriage certificate, but because they know that God will take them to account for all they do. Faithfulness in a marriage by either partner is directly proportional to the fear of God ingrained in each of their hearts.

[ummabdullah]

I doubt most western women would actually stay with a man who committed zina in the first place dear. They would give him a good old right hand and tell him to go to hell..

I had a friend who was american and she was married to a syrian guy.. He used to bring women in her house.. and she never said a word.. And he wasn't married with any of them.. Last time I saw her.. he had married with a younger girl of 17... she was 34. I guess he had her son in syria.. and well as you know men rule in those countries.. so she couldn't give him two fingers. especially since she had no family from syria to help her out.

and in no way.. should he have been allowed to stay with his first wife.. as he didn't even pray. Let alone a second.

[Humble1]

tru say, but its bettr than having a 101 mistreses wich ur wife dont know about......

[.: hayat :.]

Would you honestly rather live with an unfaithful man because of the marriage certificate than let him marry another wife so he'll have no excuse to be unfaithful?

There are muslim men who've got only one wife and yet they remain faithful to them. Not because of a marriage certificate, but because they know that God will take them to account for all they do. Faithfulness in a marriage by either partner is directly proportional to the fear of God ingrained in each of their hearts.
yeah...that's why i want to marry with a muslim but be only the one wifeeeeeeeeeeeee.....:up:

[.: hayat :.]

tru say, but its bettr than having a 101 mistreses wich ur wife dont know about......
if the wife do not know about the 101 mistress then she won't suffer so..;)

[Medinahgirl]

:salams

Polygamy as most of you know is a way to prevent having relationships with females other than your wife!

If there was no polygamy I guess many girls would remain spinsters for the rest of their life...the widows will not get a second chance to begin a life and as the Prophet :saw: has said to be kind to the widows and orphans!

I would always encourage polygamy as this is a system which would not allow your husband to cheat you behind your backs.
You know and will be more careful about him in many ways!!!

You needn't be suspicious of him all the time as you know that he has a second wife and married her with the Sunnah of the Rasul :saw:

In America...as in the latest Dr.Phil show...many women supported this act and were thankful to God about it!!!

Though there were some people who take advantage of this system by marrying without the girl's willingness which is of course not the way Islam has taught!!!

If a husband cannot provide equal rights and possessions to both the wives and cannot fulfill their desires then he has no right to practise polygamy!!!

SO brothers before getting married to a second one....always think ..
HAVE YOU FULIFULLED YOUR DUTIES TO YOUR FIRST WIFE!!!

Salaam

[Kauthar]

yeah...that's why i want to marry with a muslim but be only the one wifeeeeeeeeeeeee.....:up:
But why do you want to marry a muslim in the first place when there is a possibility of him wanting to marry another wife. I've seen marriages break up because the first wife did not want her husband to take a second wife and so she asks for a divorce and he gives it to her

[.: hayat :.]

But why do you want to marry a muslim in the first place when there is a possibility of him wanting to marry another wife. I've seen marriages break up because the first wife did not want her husband to take a second wife and so she asks for a divorce and he gives it to her
i want to marry with a muslim cuse better him to have other wife..but at least i know..if i marry an european he will cheat me with many not only one..the point is that almost all non-muslims cheat their wifes so at least i will marry with a muslim man he will have other woman but not so many and he must treat both well..a non-muslim beside he cheat u with others he do not treat u well at least..also if i make happy my muslim husband and discuss with him,maybe i'll be the only wife;) and also he do not cheat..so i'll be a happy wife..:inlove:

[.: hayat :.]

:salams

Polygamy as most of you know is a way to prevent having relationships with females other than your wife!

If there was no polygamy I guess many girls would remain spinsters for the rest of their life...the widows will not get a second chance to begin a life and as the Prophet :saw: has said to be kind to the widows and orphans!

I would always encourage polygamy as this is a system which would not allow your husband to cheat you behind your backs.
You know and will be more careful about him in many ways!!!

You needn't be suspicious of him all the time as you know that he has a second wife and married her with the Sunnah of the Rasul :saw:

In America...as in the latest Dr.Phil show...many women supported this act and were thankful to God about it!!!

Though there were some people who take advantage of this system by marrying without the girl's willingness which is of course not the way Islam has taught!!!

If a husband cannot provide equal rights and possessions to both the wives and cannot fulfill their desires then he has no right to practise polygamy!!!

SO brothers before getting married to a second one....always think ..
HAVE YOU FULIFULLED YOUR DUTIES TO YOUR FIRST WIFE!!!

Salaam

i know muslims who have 2 wives and also cheat them:rubeyes:

[CheifJunior]

Does your wife have to know you have a second wife , or your looking for a second wife.?

:confused:

YEs she does otherwise its classed as adultery. Man do you use your head before you open your mouth? It must be stress

[bint]

so ure telling me that...

a husband should tell his first wife that he HAS secnd wife?

if he hasnt then it is classed as zina?

source plz.

[CheifJunior]

so ure telling me that...

a husband should tell his first wife that he HAS secnd wife?

if he hasnt then it is classed as zina?

source plz.

can you tell me what adultery is?

Definition of Adultery: Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than their lawful spouse. As there is usually an implicit or explicit agreement between spouses to not have sex outside the marriage, the common synonym for adultery is infidelity as well as unfaithfulness or in colloquial speech, cheating. By extension, adultery may also apply to any other sexual activities committed outside the marriage.

What do you call people who do that ^^ cheater :D

I dont think you would be happy if your husband slept with someone or married someone else without you knowing. Try to be in the shoes of the woman. You dont need source its common sense lol ;)

[bint]

can you tell me what adultery is?

Definition of Adultery: Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than their lawful spouse. As there is usually an implicit or explicit agreement between spouses to not have sex outside the marriage, the common synonym for adultery is infidelity as well as unfaithfulness or in colloquial speech, cheating. By extension, adultery may also apply to any other sexual activities committed outside the marriage.

What do you call people who do that ^^ cheater :D

I dont think you would be happy if your husband slept with someone or married someone else without you knowing. Try to be in the shoes of the woman. You dont need source its common sense lol ;)


lets just say if my husband..did that id chook him out n leave him dry.

i am a woman.im gna be 20 this week. so dont forget my pressie:D

i was asking for a source for my knowledge..i know some one thats doing that thats why!:(

[Medinahgirl]

i know muslims who have 2 wives and also cheat them:rubeyes:

There are in fact such people and I do agree with you.
But as I said that this is not the correct way!

In Islam before marrying a second wife, the husband should always ask the first wife's permission or else it wouldnt be a happy family!

And a husband who truly loves his wife wouldnt cheat his wife , consider it in any religion not only Islam!

Allah has made human beings, not all are white not all are black but everyone has different size and shapes following different traditions and cultures and religions. There are many Muslims doing bad things but there are many Muslims who follow the true way of Islam.

You should always look at the brighter point.
And learn from the bad things people do by not trying to do it yourself!

I hope I have made it clear here sis!!!

[.: hayat :.]

There are in fact such people and I do agree with you.
But as I said that this is not the correct way!

In Islam before marrying a second wife, the husband should always ask the first wife's permission or else it wouldnt be a happy family!

And a husband who truly loves his wife wouldnt cheat his wife , consider it in any religion not only Islam!

Allah has made human beings, not all are white not all are black but everyone has different size and shapes following different traditions and cultures and religions. There are many Muslims doing bad things but there are many Muslims who follow the true way of Islam.

You should always look at the brighter point.
And learn from the bad things people do by not trying to do it yourself!

I hope I have made it clear here sis!!!
yeah..so no need to marry a muslim thinking i'll be respected cuse there also risk to be cheated and also to have other wife..so better a non muslim??

[Medinahgirl]

yeah..so no need to marry a muslim thinking i'll be respected cuse there also risk to be cheated and also to have other wife..so better a non muslim??

Okie....that is in your hands whether you choose a Muslim or a non-muslim!

And it is destiny that would take you there!

So good luck sis!

[.: hayat :.]

Okie....that is in your hands whether you choose a Muslim or a non-muslim!

And it is destiny that would take you there!

So good luck sis!
shukhrun sis!hope Allah gives me a good destiny..

[Kauthar]

I'd like to make a correction here:

A husband does NOT have to tell his first wife that he's intending to marry a second wife. It is NOT her right over him and she does not have the right to deny her husband what Allah has allowed him. Have you ever heard of any Sahabah who asked the messenger that question? Please bring your evidence to support your claim that the wife has the right to know her husband is taking a second wife. Please do not call marriage zina because that is a very serious claim. Zina is haram while marriage is allowed. You cannot make haram what Allah has made halal and if you do, you are setting yourself up as a rival unto Allah.

There are women who'll make their husband's life hell if she knows he's taking a second wife. In such cases, the husband exercises his discretion and if he decides that she will be happier not knowing, then he has done nothing wrong in marrying behind her back. This is because she does NOT own him and he is obliged to keep both women happy.

There is a case of a scholar in Egypt who married two wives and neither of them knew about the existence of the other until after his death. The important thing to note here is that they were both totally happy during his lifetime believing they were the only wife, hence he was able to keep both homefronts stabilised. There was no need for him to have told either one about the other, causing unnecessary trouble and heartache for them.

Even though it is desirable for the husband to tell his wife his intention to marry another wife, if he realises that it will cause too much trouble and he is able to maintain a stable homefront in both cases, then he cannot be blamed for this; it is the fault of the woman for not being accomodating enough.

Some muslim women - unfortunately - are very selfish. It is normal for a woman to be jealous over her husband. However, she has to consider the condition of her other muslim sisters who also need a husband. You have muslim women who've been widowed with kids; who's going to look after them and bring up their kids? You need to put yourself in this position, then you'll understand that it's better for you to share your husband with another woman than live the rest of your life without one.

[Kauthar]

can you tell me what adultery is?

Definition of Adultery: Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than their lawful spouse. As there is usually an implicit or explicit agreement between spouses to not have sex outside the marriage, the common synonym for adultery is infidelity as well as unfaithfulness or in colloquial speech, cheating. By extension, adultery may also apply to any other sexual activities committed outside the marriage.

What do you call people who do that ^^ cheater :D

I dont think you would be happy if your husband slept with someone or married someone else without you knowing. Try to be in the shoes of the woman. You dont need source its common sense lol ;)

Please refer to Islamic definitions rather than the English dictionary because zina is an Islamic term and so is nikaah (marriage). Nikaah takes place in the presence of witnesses, hence the second wife is also legally married to her husband and you cannot call him an adulterer for being with a woman who is legally permissible for him.

[CheifJunior]

Please refer to Islamic definitions rather than the English dictionary because zina is an Islamic term and so is nikaah (marriage). Nikaah takes place in the presence of witnesses, hence the second wife is also legally married to her husband and you cannot call him an adulterer for being with a woman who is legally permissible for him.

Salam

Kauthar that is what i believe, but i am not hell bent on one opinion i am always open to new ideas which have proof and are truthful, i will look into this. May Allah guide us all to the truth. Thank you for sharing your opinions

Wasalam

[.: hayat :.]

I'd like to make a correction here:

A husband does NOT have to tell his first wife that he's intending to marry a second wife. It is NOT her right over him and she does not have the right to deny her husband what Allah has allowed him. Have you ever heard of any Sahabah who asked the messenger that question? Please bring your evidence to support your claim that the wife has the right to know her husband is taking a second wife. Please do not call marriage zina because that is a very serious claim. Zina is haram while marriage is allowed. You cannot make haram what Allah has made halal and if you do, you are setting yourself up as a rival unto Allah.

There are women who'll make their husband's life hell if she knows he's taking a second wife. In such cases, the husband exercises his discretion and if he decides that she will be happier not knowing, then he has done nothing wrong in marrying behind her back. This is because she does NOT own him and he is obliged to keep both women happy.

There is a case of a scholar in Egypt who married two wives and neither of them knew about the existence of the other until after his death. The important thing to note here is that they were both totally happy during his lifetime believing they were the only wife, hence he was able to keep both homefronts stabilised. There was no need for him to have told either one about the other, causing unnecessary trouble and heartache for them.

Even though it is desirable for the husband to tell his wife his intention to marry another wife, if he realises that it will cause too much trouble and he is able to maintain a stable homefront in both cases, then he cannot be blamed for this; it is the fault of the woman for not being accomodating enough.

Some muslim women - unfortunately - are very selfish. It is normal for a woman to be jealous over her husband. However, she has to consider the condition of her other muslim sisters who also need a husband. You have muslim women who've been widowed with kids; who's going to look after them and bring up their kids? You need to put yourself in this position, then you'll understand that it's better for you to share your husband with another woman than live the rest of your life without one.
fist of all wife must know such an important decision of her husband.she own him in a big part cuse he decided to share his life with her o decisions must be taken together..he is not alone for deciding..would u like one day to hear that ur wife has other husband???
2nd paragraph.."the husband exercises his discretion and if he decides that she will be happier not knowing, then he has done nothing wrong in marrying behind her back."how discret can be him..i mean he can't hide he has other wife..cuse his 1st wife we'll se that he's missing from home,he spend money out of home..
"Some muslim women - unfortunately - are very selfish."if i marry with a muslim i will take a 2nd husband..to see if they r not selfish..other muslim sisters r not really sister..r unknown ppl..also is haraam to marry with 2 real sisters,so??
"You have muslim women who've been widowed with kids; who's going to look after them and bring up their kids?"they can grow up their childs alone..like a lot a woman do..my parents went to live and work in other country since i had 17 years..but i know to take care of me,i can say i am a good girl,i'm studying at a gr8 university,so..i learned to be independent from my parents..and if i would have a child but no husband i could grow up him well..but also i know to protect myself for not being in such a difficult situation..

[Medinahgirl]

:salams

There is a case of a scholar in Egypt who married two wives and neither of them knew about the existence of the other until after his death. The important thing to note here is that they were both totally happy during his lifetime believing they were the only wife, hence he was able to keep both homefronts stabilised. There was no need for him to have told either one about the other, causing unnecessary trouble and heartache for them.

Well I guess you call this man a cheater because his wives came to know that he had hidden something really big and has been lying to both of them. Though it is not in any Hadith that the husband should ask the wife's permission yet it is a matter of love and cheating here.

Prophet Muhammed :saw: did marry more than one and of course did not ask any of their wives' permission but he did not betray them. Each wife knew each other and were friendly though there were jealousy among them too according too many Hadith. The Prophet :saw: did not cheat any of his wife. He did not marry behind their backs.

So sister i guess it is only a matter of self respect, co-operation and mutual love if the husband asks his wife. And be blessed those wives who agree!
May Allah place them in Jannat Al Firdous!

Salaam

[Kauthar]

I'm not exactly aware of the exact situation of this man because I've the story from different sources. Someone else said that only the first wife was unaware of his second marriage.

However, since we don't know the conditions that led him to make this decision, or the intentions behind it, I would personally refrain from passing a judgement on his behaviour.

[ummabdullah]

A husband does NOT have to tell his first wife that he's intending to marry a second wife. It is NOT her right over him and she does not have the right to deny her husband what Allah has allowed him. Have you ever heard of any Sahabah who asked the messenger that question? Please bring your evidence to support your claim that the wife has the right to know her husband is taking a second wife.
Isn't it common sense after reading hadith and Quran that one needs to treat human beings with respect.. Needs to give them a chance to know their rights.

In Islam a man must tell his first wife he is married and also his second.. For the simple reason that they need to know their rights.. If a man has one wife.. then how does he see the other without lieing to the first???? Lieing in Islam is completely Haram accept what westerners call little white lies to your wife, bringing people together ectr.. Telling your wife you will be somewhere else for 2 nights is a major lie.

Its funny how this very simple concept is overlooked due to no direct hadiths on the issues.. Yet not in any hadeeth did you find the sahabah avoid telling the wives they would remarry. They may have done it without the permission but the wives always knew.

A women has the right to divorce a man if she feels she can not cope with him having a second wife. Perhaps he is not that great of a husband to her already ectr ectr. Furthermore if it goes against her culture.. she may not be able to handle it emotionally which would have been known by the man at the time of marriage and he accepted that from her. Obviously divorce should not stop a man from remarriage if that is what he feels is best for him.

I truly believe in polygamy.. I think its great for those women who like to practice it.. and have the right enviroment.. I.E live in a helpful place with loads of family.. Or the wives get along..

but here in the west.. this is very rare.... and even in the east.. there is not support for this type of thing. Even if a women could stomach her husband sleeping with another lady..

[*Anisah*]

asalamu aliakum

We should be careful when pronouncing things to be permissible or not and consult people of knowledge.

bearing that in mind....there is the another aspect that needs to be addressed here. the one of common courtesy. Marriage is a union in which two people address issues that will affect thier family together.. Of course there is the argument that if the first wife knew she would never agree and it would cause more problems. I don't see how this will get any better if one was to do it behind her back.

We should also remember that there are men out there who have more than one wife and work hard to be just and fair. Whats more there are women out there who are willing to accept their co-wives.

May Allah guide us all!

[NotOverYet]

i agree. how can you maintain two wives if you cannot even tell the first wife about the second?

its her right to know, and its her right to know that you desire this as well.

sure polygyny is hard on women, but i think brothers can make it easier on the sisters by assuring them that the 2nd or 3rd (whatever) wife, is not going to be her competition and remind her of that frequently, remind her that you marrying again, is not going to change your feelings for her and if anything, your feelings will grow, as having more than one wife will make you even more attentive to her needs. Inshaa Allah.

there are many things you can say, to help the situation. just ask a sister, what a sister would like to hear :)
Assalam o Alaikom wa Rahmatullah e wa Barakatoho
well the way both of you reason is based on western values, because you are using Logic in this regard, although this is not something scientific rather Faqhi issue, therefore you must refer to sunnah (Quraan & Hadeeth) so to know what is in there, so based on that we should issue our judgments.
I won't say anything that, if i have to tell her or not, rather i would just suggest all of you to first refer to the source and then come and comment on it. Logic will give you nothing except deviation (God Forbid).
Assalam o Alaikom wa Rahmatullah e wa Barakatoho

[NotOverYet]

:salams

Its better asking her otherwise their could be a divorce or seperation on the cards.

And yes it may be a husbands right to have a second wife, but before marriage its important to let him know the feelings of not wanting him to and if after marriage he decides to have one it dosnt mean his first marriage would still exist.:rubeyes:

Therefore its important for brothers to take this into consideration before they say 'oh yeh i think ill get myself a second wife' :rolleyes:.

Some need to put their thinking caps on and look at the situation rationallly, some would hardly be able to support/maintain oe wife let alone another: :rolleyes:

:wswrwb:
why divorce? why should she ask for divorce? so you mean she will not be standing on the AHkaam e Shari'a?

[NotOverYet]

don't tell her and you will have to face a bitter day sooner or later when she find out.....and i don't think anyone can blame her if she asked for divorce instantly

you can't hide a very important life event like MARRIAGE from your life PARTNER!.....well you can but at last she will find out by chance....a stupid mistake will ruin your life (and hers)

like this man who had two wives but kept it a secret from his first.....so he used to send the office boy to buy stuff from the market for his two wives.....so one day the office boy messed up and sent wife B stuff to wife A and when she said "i didn't ask him to send me this" naivly the office boy answered "oh...this got to be miss Salam's stuff"....she asked "who?"..the extremly naive office boy answered "Salma is the name of your husband's 2nd wife, right?"..............stupid mistake but unavoidable...

a secret second wife tastes like a mistress......like alcohol free beer....Halal but it doesn't taste right
do you have any fiqhi Dalil? Don't use logic in Fiqhi issues, because it is WRONG.

[abuahmed]

[QUOTE=Arsalan]Does your wife have to know you have a second wife , or your looking for a second wife.?

well the wife it shoudnt be asked but i will tell her, eventhough i am not married, what allah has maked us hallall lowfull, alhamdulilah allah make for us 4 wives and slaves as much as we cant , plz dont get me wrong i just say what i feel what i think of course acordin to quran and sunnah

http://www.myislamweb.com/forum/

[Al-Nasser]

do you have any fiqhi Dalil? Don't use logic in Fiqhi issues, because it is WRONG.

i didn't say if it is permissible or not.....i just said that if you keep it a secret your first wife will know about it sooner or later and your relation with your 2nd wife will not feel right

for example....say me and my second secret wife is in the car together in some street and suddenly i see my mother in law...so i look at my 2nd wife and scream "hide...NOW!!"........so we both keep our head down while whispiring a du'a that my mother in law won't see me with MY WIFE!!......very silly.......but i deserve it when i decided to keep my halal relationship which is supposed to be a public knowledge a secret...no halal should be hidden like a shamful secret.......you got to be proud about that you prefered what Allah made lawful for you rather than what is haram