View Full Version : More alike then un alike, interacial marriages should be no issue
I have a friend she is (somali) she wants to get married to this brother from sri lanka, her parents however are not having it.
2 years passed and they refused to even meet the brother, to make it worse, her father blames me "Quest this fitna is because of you" i would reply "why? because i dont back you up?" he says "you have the power to change her mind, you wont because you are selfish"
i dont take him to heart, i see him like a dad, but what bothers me is, how he thinks i have this power, i advice my friend according to the haqq, not what her father says, and i feel its because of this he thinks am the ring leader in the whole issue.
as far as the brother is concerned, i have no problem with him what so ever, i usually am a good judge of character, and on a scale of one to 10 i give him a 10.
the sisters brother and uncle not to mention her brother in law met the brother one by one, all returned with a good report, the uncle visited the mosque the brother is frequent at, and he heard nothing but good.
finaly based on the information they returned with, and 2 years later, the family invited the brother around.
my friends sister, who was skeptical because not much was known about the brother, wore a nicab and had to translate between them.
before that she would say "Quest how come u are supporting her on this" i replied "i have seen and spoken to the brother many times, i find consistencie in his personalitie, why dont u get to know him then pass judgement. we agree on everything, do not let this issue be our first disagreement"
during the 'interrogation' the brother got from the family, i loved what he said
the father said "but u have different culture u are different"
the bro replied " when i wake up in the morning to pray fajr, your daughter prays 2 units, i pray 2 not 3, she prays juma on friday, i do to i dont pray saturdays, when she takes an oath she swears by ALLAH i do to how are we different?"
the family felt backed into a corner, and non attempted to refute what he said.
the dad is still not having it, but the brother won the mother around, she had a dream and saw good things about the brother.
they plan to marry later in the year, so please make dua for them.
I have another friend who is married to a pakistani, she is somali, the family got over their baised views. and shes hapily married with one child.
so if there are any muslims whom face similar issues remember after hardship comes relief. i pray ALLAH makes it easy for u all. and remember ALLAH tests those he loves.
it is no wonder we muslims have a lot of trouble in the ummah, this is due to the fitna thats spreading because everytime a brother asks for a sisters hand, he is refused based on tribe or nationality.
we muslims are more alike then unalike, we should bond thru our simalarities and embrace each others differences.
peace be upon those who follow the guidance.
I am sorry but I find it incomprehensible that people would judge a man or woman worthy by the colour of their skin instead of judging them by their actions. I cannot get my mind around it that it would even be an issue
Khadhijah
19-04-06, 06:46 AM
I know what you mean sis. I know...
I just remembered something that I had read in a book called Islam in Focus by Hammudah Abdalati where he commented on Muhammed's(SAW) practice of marrying women of different tribes, nationalities and social status as a way of uniting the ummah. If more followed this example there would be less division in the ummah
Khadhijah
19-04-06, 06:59 AM
I just remembered something that I had read in a book called Islam in Focus by Hammudah Abdalati where he commented on Muhammed's(SAW) practice of marrying women of different tribes, nationalities and social status as a way of uniting the ummah. If more followed this example there would be less division in the ummah
The only purpose that Nationality serves in Islam is for recognition only not for superiority or whatever.
I encourage more interacial marriages so that it come bring muslims together. Like in the small town that i live in, whenever i hear that their is a community meeting, it means cultural meeting only and the meeting is more to do with that culture than the muslim community as a whole.
The Prophet :saw: married different types of women from different backgrounds and different ages in order to unite the tribes together under Islam but these days things are very different.
Oh, good Lord.
Simply grab these people by their shoulders and shake them until their teeth rattle.
As Te'oma said, this sort of thinking is impossible to understand for anyone living in the 21st century.
If these people are so extremely opposed to "inter-racial" marriage, then they should have stayed in whatever narrow-minded feudalistic hellhole it was where they came from.
Obviously, wherever they were from was so far beyond the mainstream of Islam that they never heard that Islam was from its inception anti-racist. Even I as a Western non-Muslim know that Islam has always been anti-racist.
Encourage these primitives to return to the racial and ethnic purity of their ancestral village where they will be supposedly safe from all others not precisely like themselves.
T i know what u mean. thanks for sharing that info bro.
Khadija sis inshahallah this will all change, my mum recently said "bring to me any man so long as he is a good muslim"
if i won her around, believe me more dacwa and in a few years all this can be history!!
this is a time of fitna we need to pass the tests so our children live the haqq, i refuse to follow in the footsteps of our parents, and put the burden of change on our children.
Oh, good Lord.
Simply grab these people by their shoulders and shake them until their teeth rattle.
As Te'oma said, this sort of thinking is impossible to understand for anyone living in the 21st century.
If these people are so extremely opposed to "inter-racial" marriage, then they should have stayed in whatever narrow-minded feudalistic hellhole it was where they came from.
Obviously, wherever they were from was so far beyond the mainstream of Islam that they never heard that Islam was from its inception anti-racist. Even I as a Western non-Muslim know that Islam has always been anti-racist.
Encourage these primitives to return to the racial and ethnic purity of their ancestral village where they will be supposedly safe from all others not precisely like themselves.
no offence but the fact that u as a non muslim said this, is embarassing for those muslims whom have a different mentality regarding this. seems like u know their religion better then they do.
i sincerly pray you be guided.
frankly, it [differences/ biasness] is annoying ... sadly, it happens all too often
in a personal experience- my parents [my dad, mainly] objected to marrying off their daughter to a bangladeshi [because he was from a different background]. It made me cry because the criterion was not what it should have been, i.e. - Taqwa, but something 'dunyawi' -- when finally my parents were convinced- it was all too late [the matter had went on for few months...]
I don't blame my folks for what happened [i've had a difficult time, but i've left everything upon God], i do understand that they had their reasons- but as a child, you'd want your parents to show a little bit more of understanding...it might be difficult to tune in to a different lifestyle/ culture/ etc, but then it also shows the power of love and tolerance amongst Allah's creation
i do hope that parents give preference not to the nationality/ color/ race...but to the level of Emaan, character and how good of a human being he/ she is -- surely, what is related to dunya is all but ever-lasting
i pray ALLAH makes it easy for u all. and remember ALLAH tests those he loves.
yep, ameen
i sincerly pray you [cashew] be guided.
amee ya Rabul alamin !
Akhlaq and Emaan are things that are not easily judged...
But the main reasons this kind of thing happens is because people are afraid of change.. It's in human nature to be afraid of change.. and you have to understand that...
Go ahead ask others... ask yourself for that matter.. Would you like to die right now? No... Why? Because you don't want the change from living in this life the way you are living now to a small grave...
Cultures are so different from each other that parents are very skeptical about it... In our culture for example.. Parents are supposed to have a very high status.. and usually their decisions are unquestionable.. So when they see somebody else from a different culture.. They are afraid.. and all these "What if.."s come to mind.. Obviously from Shaitan.. But it can't be helped...
May Allah guide us all and strengthen our Imaan... Ameen...
a somalian sister marrying a Pakistani brother, thats one for the guiness book of records, their more chance of an elephant flying than that happening
sadf lol that is not as rare as u would assume, i know 2 couples so far, pakistani/ somali, not to mention a sister aged 26 and her dad is pakistani mum somali
furqan your right, but get this, my friends dad has no issues with her marrying arabs, he just has an issue with asians because like u said it is a massive change, arab is not because others in the family have.
he once commented "i would be laughed at when in the grave if my daughter married such and such" so yes its a matter of pride not islamic justice or prefrence
sadf lol that is not as rare as u would assume, i know 2 couples so far, pakistani/ somali, not to mention a sister aged 26 and her dad is pakistani mum somali
furqan your right, but get this, my friends dad has no issues with her marrying arabs, he just has an issue with asians because like u said it is a massive change, arab is not because others in the family have.
he once commented "i would be laughed at when in the grave if my daughter married such and such" so yes its a matter of pride not islamic justice or prefrence
I traced my family tree back to the year 1530 before I hit a dead end. I have to say that from the looks of things, my family were not racists even back then. I have just about every bloodline in me except for east asian and black(are moors black?)
I discovered that I come from a long line of globe trotters and they weren't playing basketball :D
I suspect that most people are of mixed ethnology like that and that there aren't any "pure" ethnic types left today
T lol u liked emels signiture also ? i used it on some other website (opps i wonder if i should have asked him first) oh well doubt he minds his been my mentor lately and mentors should wana keep me happy
i would love to trace my backround to so if u have all sorts in ya to summarise how do u identify urself ?
The largest types that I have are Irish, Sicilian and Mohawk. I define myself as a mohawk because that was the way that I was raised.
Supernova Nebula
23-04-06, 04:29 AM
i find it hard to accept when people discourage interacial marriages on the basis of cultural differences. I mean come on, differences not only occur in interracial marriages, even if the couple come from the same culture, race, ethnic whatever, still there are differences. Both were raised by diffrent parents, diffrent upbringing, having different way of doing things, habits. My friend, a Turk-tatar-russian (Im still confused about her ethnicity:scratch:)who is married told me, petty issues like pressing toothpaste can lead to quarel and divorce:rolleyes:. Put aside cultural differences, put Islam above them and first and foremost TOLERANCE, each of us has our own strenghth and weaknesses, think about complementing one another, and not trying to be better or perfect. I found interracial marriages interesting though, u got to experience diffrent culture, food, different languages, and more interesting is, you'll get interesting children:D.
Proud_2B_Muslim
23-04-06, 04:51 AM
it is no wonder we muslims have a lot of trouble in the ummah, this is due to the fitna thats spreading because everytime a brother asks for a sisters hand, he is refused based on tribe or nationality.
we muslims are more alike then unalike, we should bond thru our simalarities and embrace each others differences.
Sister, you make very valid points. So many times I have heard or known of situations where brothers are rejected by families simply on the basis of their ethnicity or nationality.
Yet, it is also very heartening to acknowledge that such traditions are being challenged by the Muslim youth today, especially in the West. Not only are such issues being raised, but we are also witnessing many interracial and inter-national marriages which is just lovely, Masha'Allah. :)
Living in the West has actually helped these changes to occur since Muslims from all over the world settle here and thus, interact and communicate with fellow brothers and sisters who come from different ethnic and national backgrounds.
These open channels of communication allow us to learn about each other and hopefully, realize that all of us Muslims share the bond of faith which is greater and more powerful than ethnic or tribal similarities.
This is unlike the case in Muslim countries where people usually do not have the chance to interact with brothers and sisters with different origins than themselves.
In my community, Alhamdulillah, we have Muslims from so many different backgrounds and to a good extent, our masjid is a microcosm of the greater ummah. I guess that's one of the advantages of having a smaller Muslim community--Alhamdulillah, everyone unites regardless of their background! :)
There is a Muslim couple in our community in which the husband is Egyptian and the sister is African-American and they look so beautiful together with their children, Masha'Allah. And then there is a Caucasian American revert brother--I believe--married to both a Jordanian sister and a Pakistani sister. That's some diversity, Masha'Allah. :)
I've also noticed that the children of interracial or inter-national marriages usually tend to be quite beautiful, Masha'Allah, as the distinctive features of each spouse's different background blend together in a lovely combination.
I genuinely hope and believe that as time goes on, un-Islamic marriage traditions such as discrimination on the basis of origin, will be a thing of the past, Insha'Allah.
After all, Alhamdulillah, the ummah has already borne witness to the reversal of this custom and may we observe many more such marriages. :)
And then there is a Caucasian American revert brother--I believe--married to both a Jordanian sister and a Pakistani sister. That's some diversity, Masha'Allah.
y would he need 2 wives, one is not enough for him
Khadhijah
23-04-06, 08:52 AM
Khadija sis inshahallah this will all change, my mum recently said "bring to me any man so long as he is a good muslim"
:salams sis
I just wanna give you a heads up on this... If mum really said that then you need to ask her more questions. They do really say that but if you bring home someone who is not the same culture then they would freak. You need to ask her what her opinion is on marrying a person from diff culture.
sadf sometimes i find the comments u make to be weird, i dont dwell on this because i make excuses for u. but something feels iffy if u get my drift.
proud to be muslim thank u for ur beautiful input, makes a lot of sense, oh and i agree with u about the beauty of children whom are the product of interacial marriages.
:salams sis
I just wanna give you a heads up on this... If mum really said that then you need to ask her more questions. They do really say that but if you bring home someone who is not the same culture then they would freak. You need to ask her what her opinion is on marrying a person from diff culture.
w.salam uktii lool i hear u on this one, believe i know where ur coming from, when she said that i gave her a list of races i know somalis often have a problem with, and said what if i bought home a brother from this race or that race, she said she doesnt mind.
my hooyo doesnt care 2 much abt somali culture, to her somali culture is exactly what it is to me, banana with rice lol, diracs and the food.
language is not a big thing, most of us speak english at home anyway. i speak english and somali mixed my mum understands. if i marry someone from another race he will have no issues settling in with my imediate family. maybe extended family but i hardly know them so i doubt it will be a problem.
MalikOne™
23-04-06, 10:38 PM
I think the main worry that parents have about thier child marrying someone from a different culture, is that they find it alot harder to interact and relate with that person.
I think the main worry that parents have about thier child marrying someone from a different culture, is that they find it alot harder to interact and relate with that person.
IMHO Culture is only an issue if you allow it to be. My younger brother married a polish girl, a catholic and he's an agnostic. Religion was never an issue for them. My older sister married a Trinidadian. 29 years later they are still together and reaping the rewards of 5 kids. My wife is british and she had to get used to me and my native traditions like doing annual spirit walks, hunting and bringing home game and teaching these things to the kids. I had to get used to her squeamishness about farm life and make allowances for it. 23 years later we are still together :D
MalikOne™
23-04-06, 11:50 PM
IMHO Culture is only an issue if you allow it to be. My younger brother married a polish girl, a catholic and he's an agnostic. Religion was never an issue for them. My older sister married a Trinidadian. 29 years later they are still together and reaping the rewards of 5 kids. My wife is british and she had to get used to me and my native traditions like doing annual spirit walks, hunting and bringing home game and teaching these things to the kids. I had to get used to her squeamishness about farm life and make allowances for it. 23 years later we are still together :D
Yep and Pakistanis unfortunatley take alot of pride in thier culture. (generally speaking)
Yep and Pakistanis unfortunatley take alot of pride in thier culture. (generally speaking)
That is no reason for it to be a problem. I take a lot of pride in my culture and traditions. That doesn't mean that I can't make allowances for my wife
Khadhijah
24-04-06, 03:12 AM
w.salam uktii lool i hear u on this one, believe i know where ur coming from, when she said that i gave her a list of races i know somalis often have a problem with, and said what if i bought home a brother from this race or that race, she said she doesnt mind.
my hooyo doesnt care 2 much abt somali culture, to her somali culture is exactly what it is to me, banana with rice lol, diracs and the food.
language is not a big thing, most of us speak english at home anyway. i speak english and somali mixed my mum understands. if i marry someone from another race he will have no issues settling in with my imediate family. maybe extended family but i hardly know them so i doubt it will be a problem.
Dont you mean banana with practically everything lol... I even eat it with noodles :eek:
Phew! Alhamdulilah sis im glad and its cool if your mum is like that.
Dont you mean banana with practically everything lol... I even eat it with noodles :eek:
Phew! Alhamdulilah sis im glad and its cool if your mum is like that.
mmmm nanners. They are a weakness of mine :D
Malik somalis take to much pride in their culture also but i agree with T
hey T were u always muslim? (just curious bro)
Khadija loool now i draw the line at noodles, damn u a patriot huh
i like bananas with pasta and rice, i dont think i eat it with other stuff, maybe suqaar and ethopian canjeero (mmmm i been craving for that lately)
must go please desire! ;)
Khadhijah
24-04-06, 06:00 AM
Khadija loool now i draw the line at noodles, damn u a patriot huh
i like bananas with pasta and rice, i dont think i eat it with other stuff, maybe suqaar and ethopian canjeero (mmmm i been craving for that lately)
must go please desire! ;)
loool idont think i have limits with it. Patriot? Nah! Just have a wierd taste buds:D
hey T were u always muslim? (just curious bro)
Nope, am a new revert as of Jan 16 of this year :D
Mashallah, ur a baby so ur four months old. God am so jealous, you have only four months to answer for.
;)
i would ask ya the typical questions of did your family also see the light, and why Islam? seeing that i already no how (ALLAH willed it he wanted to guide u) but i dont want to burden u by making u type.
Not so far...I am the only one in the family to revert but insha allah that will change. Have had the wife and kids nibbling for info and I have been leaving books laying around for them to read :D My second youngest daughter just received her own copy of the Qu'ran to read thanks to the generosity of a member on this board :D
For my own story...Allah has been talking to me for 22 years and I refused to listen. A kaffir showed me this website to show me the "real Islam" and when I got here, some of the other members answered my questions and broke down the last of my reservations. There's no masjid anywhere close to where I live so I called a masjid in Vancouver and said Shahadah over a speaker phone :D
.: Anna :.
24-04-06, 11:15 AM
:D I'm Irish married to Sri lankan :up: alhamdulillah
yeah its really unfortunate to see these problems coming up again and again, jst recently a family friend of ours has a situation, she wants to marry this bengali brother but her parents are going mad, they dnt want any non sri lankan :(
I think especially for muslims brought up in the uk, whatever our original background, we are all a bit mixed and would be able to get on and marry someone originally from a dif culture. Also people coming from overseas, its harder cos one of them has to move country to settle to their new married life but I also know people who have done this and its working out great masha allah.
In the end we are Muslim, so Islam should be our culture not these silly nationalistic ways of thinking.
I think soon these ideas will have to break down, especially since we are seeing more and more mixed marriages. In the end these kids of ours are gna b so much a mix of all different backgrounds that they are all gna have a hard time marrying someone from the same background mix as themselves anyway lol :p
It reallys cuts down ur choice of person to marry anyway when u restrict it to nationality, especially some go futher adding "caste" requirements (:S) and "his family must b from this village in pakistan" :banghead:
LiveIslam
24-04-06, 12:06 PM
I think the main worry that parents have about thier child marrying someone from a different culture, is that they find it alot harder to interact and relate with that person.
its not just that it about their reputation what their family will say if their duaghter or son marry a different tribe. or the parents might be rascist
:D I'm Irish married to Sri lankan :up: alhamdulillah
yeah its really unfortunate to see these problems coming up again and again, jst recently a family friend of ours has a situation, she wants to marry this bengali brother but her parents are going mad, they dnt want any non sri lankan :(
I think especially for muslims brought up in the uk, whatever our original background, we are all a bit mixed and would be able to get on and marry someone originally from a dif culture. Also people coming from overseas, its harder cos one of them has to move country to settle to their new married life but I also know people who have done this and its working out great masha allah.
In the end we are Muslim, so Islam should be our culture not these silly nationalistic ways of thinking.
I think soon these ideas will have to break down, especially since we are seeing more and more mixed marriages. In the end these kids of ours are gna b so much a mix of all different backgrounds that they are all gna have a hard time marrying someone from the same background mix as themselves anyway lol :p
It reallys cuts down ur choice of person to marry anyway when u restrict it to nationality, especially some go futher adding "caste" requirements (:S) and "his family must b from this village in pakistan" :banghead:
well said uktii, islam should be our culture i mean it is a way of life.
am sure your post here will motivate my friend more.
:D I'm Irish married to Sri lankan :up:
You're IRISH? :O
I have a soft spot for the Irish- they've got the best accent ;) I know an Irish Muslimah married to an Arab guy. She's from Cork. I love the way she says "Turtee tree" instead of thirty three; reminds me of Father Ted:D
.: Anna :.
24-04-06, 07:54 PM
You're IRISH? :O
I have a soft spot for the Irish- they've got the best accent ;) I know an Irish Muslimah married to an Arab guy. She's from Cork. I love the way she says "Turtee tree" instead of thirty three; reminds me of Father Ted:Dyeah... well i dnt have the accent, im born n brought up in grimsby :embar: but my background is 100% irish. i like the accent tho, if only i had it for myself :crying: oh well alhamdulillah ala kulli haal lol :p
Supernova Nebula
25-04-06, 02:41 AM
:D I'm Irish married to Sri lankan :up: alhamdulillah
yeah its really unfortunate to see these problems coming up again and again, jst recently a family friend of ours has a situation, she wants to marry this bengali brother but her parents are going mad, they dnt want any non sri lankan :(
I think especially for muslims brought up in the uk, whatever our original background, we are all a bit mixed and would be able to get on and marry someone originally from a dif culture. Also people coming from overseas, its harder cos one of them has to move country to settle to their new married life but I also know people who have done this and its working out great masha allah.
In the end we are Muslim, so Islam should be our culture not these silly nationalistic ways of thinking.
I think soon these ideas will have to break down, especially since we are seeing more and more mixed marriages. In the end these kids of ours are gna b so much a mix of all different backgrounds that they are all gna have a hard time marrying someone from the same background mix as themselves anyway lol :p
It reallys cuts down ur choice of person to marry anyway when u restrict it to nationality, especially some go futher adding "caste" requirements (:S) and "his family must b from this village in pakistan" :banghead:
Can't wait to see Anna and Baba's baby:D :inlove: . Yeah agree, not all culture are unislamic, some culture are ok and as long as they are not against the fundemental teachings of Islam.
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