Quest
16-04-06, 10:53 PM
ok i dont even know where to begin, i will try to be brief but inorder for you to understand i may elaborate in some places, it really bothers me that nowadays a beard means nothing to some brothers, there was a point when i saw my brothers with the beard and dressed in the sunnah, i would feel a sense of shyness around them, shyness mixed with respect love and hapiness, just seeing brothers whom are obedient to Allah was a pleasure. today some wear the beard but in behaviour are either corrupt or the lowest of the low.
2 examples, my best friend and i were driving we saw a brother with a beard behind a till in a newsagents and alcohol stacked up behind him? i was not having it, i gave him every excuse in the book, i said i wont believe that beard is for sunnah purpose, unless u ask i wont believe it, it just cant be!
she started up the car and said 'what are u on about? Q i went into a cosmetic shop and saw one selling wigs"
lol that made me laugh (just picturing the scenery)
anyways. slowly i began to see what she meant, it made sense because i didnt get that feeling of shyness and hapiness when i see certain brothers, i look to the radiance in a face it tells me more then a beard and a nicaab.
we really shouldnt judge a book by its cover.
ok now that i stressed this issue a bit, u will understand why, i have a friend, shes my childhood friend, though i dont see her often, shes someone i miss and stay in contact with, one day she called me and said she is interested in a certain brother for marriage and was cooking for him and needed my help!
i said you me and who? she said some members from her family, (u see i asked who will be present because my girl is not fully practicing she prays wears hijab but there is no haya she still has many traits of jahiliyah, the good thing is she knows, at least shes legit in theory.
anyways, i came over helped her cook, the brother arrived.
to keep a long story short i was playing the hostess, she introduced me to him, we said salam and i went back into the kitchen, then to the bedroom to chill with the others.
my girl the brother and her family were in the next room, because it was busy people were in and out, at one point am asked to get something, i went into the room, just as i entered the others left, the brother was sitting he complimented the food
i replied "dont mention it" i thought get the stuff and leave.
this part surprised me, the brother gives me a physical compliment on beauty! i was surprised, this brother mixed race (dont know what race) but tanned complexion, big beard sunnah clothes i didnt expect that, i left didnt even bother looking for the stuff any more
i came into the kitchen thinking this is weird, especialy the way my girl was going on about him being very religious. i didnt say anything to her
he was going to the bathroom, i was putting food at the door for others to collect i didnt want to go in! i bump into him he takes the stuff of me, and says "oh u shouldnt have, i tell u mashallah u will make a great wife"
now am just thinking what? i didnt say anything and went into kitchen, drinking my juice. my girl would come in joking and asking what i thought. before i could answer she says "his proper into the sunnah huh"
this made me choke on my drink, i said "and am richer then oprah winfrey" she laughed and asked what i meant so i said "his ok kind, handsome u didnt exagerate there but i wouldnt say his as religious as u made him out to be"
she said "true" then walked out.
next day we were at another friends wedding, i seemed down about something, and was sitting in a bedroom with my friend, this brother is on her line, all i hear is
"its me, nas and quest"
then
"oh there allright, quest seems a bit down though dont know why she wont say"
then she passes the phone, i asked who it was, she says its harun, (the brother she wanted to marry)
i did not want to speak, but thought it would be rude, i came on the phone, he asked what the matter was, i told him to nevermind, he was persistent so i briefly said am not happy with my iman lately, nothing big.
he trys to comfort me, but i felt uncomfortable. then he says sister u seem so wise i would love to get to know u.
ok at this point i thought be firm and make ur point so i said
"akii, i dont think thats a good idea, and am sure if u ponder over your situation u would understand perfectly why"
he then changed his story that he didnt mean it the way i understood!
later i saw my friend was not serious about him, when i asked her if she was she would say 'q his very good looking' i would say so what? theres more to a brother then just looks.
when she got passed the looks she saw they had nothing in common, but instead of having the guts to say am not feeling you, she says her family was not happy with the interacial thing. she later says "sis his a bit iffy huh? did u notice"
i laughed i thought that was obvious. she would then joke saying "my iman aint even strong yet even i can see"
anywho
to make matters worse, (by now am no longer in the picture) she tells me shes still in contact with the brother, i said why if she has no intention for marriage, she said she doesnt know and its him who calls she just entertains.
i was not angry with her because i knew the level of her faith, she was on the verge of coming of the ship of jahiliyah but i was thinking what is with the brother? who is suppose to be "religious"
i enjoined the good with her, and then she says "look quest, i couldnt take ur advice so i did worse and lied"
i asked how turns out she told him she got married, her story was believable because she didnt speak to the brother for a few months.
i told her that was a mistake she said but it will work better this way he will no longer contact me.
so she thought, imagine now he thinks shes married and his still calling her. and not just that but telling her that they were meant to be.
even if he felt like that why say it? especialy if shes suppose to be married now?
how do i know he was still calling her?
a group of us sisters were having a study/catch up session at a friends.
am chilling straightening ones hair. the phone rang, it was my friends i picked up because it was nearer to me.
its harun, i said so and so is not here he says "quest is that you" i said yes who are u? he tells me am like oh. he asks how i am etc etc replied then
i hanged up the phone after.
next thing i know 2 nights later my cell phone rings, and its him, how did he get my number? obviously from the sister. i went crazy when i spoke to her and she said she felt tricked, and would explain when i saw her!.
to cut a long story short, this brother is now telling me he is interested in marriage, honestly i wanted to say dont call me but its harder then one thinks, one me and him are associates so i did not want to look paranoid.i thought talk to him this once dont be rude and thats the end of it. how wrong was i! he called another time now completely into me he asked me to marry him
i told him brother i dont think thats a good idea, he then says
"why are you not married one would think brothers are stalking you "
^ you have no idea how much that question annoys me, i said stalking? no, am not married because Allah had not willed it yet end of story.
he asked if i was talking to anyone, i couldnt lie i said not anymore. he then asked what i thought about me and him, i told him the truth, theres a lot of obstacles for me akii, he asks like what, i told him the whole issue with my friend and you for one, its not my style i dont have my sisters leftovers,( i chickened out of saying my real reason which basicaly was he was to dunyafied and not firm in enough. ) D'OH!
he then gave me a speech on destiny and how maybe Allah willed we meet that way etc.
i got interrupted by my brother, so i was trying to persaude him to open a line rental for me, and that i would pay the bill i couldnt get one myself because i had bad credit from jahiliyah times.
i come back on the phone and this brother says marry me and i will get you the phone,
i was gobsmacked, but because he laughed i gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was not serious.
to make sure i told him about the last brother i was sort of interested in, you see this brother, said something he said "Marry me Quest and i promise inshahallah you will live a life of comfort"
a day later i was in my family home, stressed out we had a lot of guests not to mention my large family, after dinner, being the only girl, i cleaned up everything, some attempted to help but its useless they just create more mess.
anyways it was 2am, my entire bodie was acheing and i thought this sucks. the brother (a caucasian) words kept coming back "life of comfort"
i seriously was going to say yes to his proposal, so much so that i dialed his number 2am but thought its ok he can wake up! then my conscience whispered "do not make a big decision based on emotion"!!
then i hanged up
harun asked why i said no to him and those before him, i told him the truth "they were to dunyafied for me, i want a brother that is firm" *hint*
he didnt get the hint. i told him am not materialistic at all, offer me the world and if u r not striving to be firm am not interested. that was the end of that conversation i asked to be excused.
few days later he calls i happen to be in his neighbourhood he asks if we can meet up, i said no he asked again, i got annoyed and told him i had to go.
he then said he felt as though i was avoiding him.
then i said " i cant meet you because you are not my muhram"
he says "sister i did not mean it that way, come on brother fears Allah i meant you can bring one"
thats a lie because he knew i was alone that day and though i said no several times he was persistent anyways i asked "why do you continue to call my friend knowing shes married?"
technicaly shes not but thats what he thinks so its the principle. he says she doesnt mind, i said thats beside the point.
finaly i thought this brother is not getting the hint so i said "i dont have that niyah for u, am sorry i just dont see me as your wife"
he says think about it more and will get back to u!
didnt speak to him for ages, then speaking to my friend she says
"i dont know what u did but this brother is crazy about you" i asked how she knows she then tells me he told her, he called and basicaly told her about his feelings for me, this just seemed to put me off more. i was thinking why is he speaking about our buissness.
i told my friend thats it, "the next time he calls me am gonna drop it like its hott"
i told her this whole situation is beneath me, and i have no idea how i got caught up in this crap and that its all her fault but soon will put an end to it!
she says "quest i beg you dont hurt his feelings just say your not interested because u cant get over his past link with me"
i said "its not about hurting his feelings its about enjoining in the good and forbidding the evil, if i dont he will continue to behave this way with other sisters and i want sisters to take him seriously because he is a sweet guy"
she says she already tried and even said its wrong that he calls when shes "married"
am like and? he still does! in the end i left it, she says "ignore his calls he will get the picture just dont hurt him"
i said "the truth can either hurt us or liberate us, ignoring calls is your flex, am gonna tell him am not interested and the subject is no longer open for consideration, and i pray thats the last i hear from it"
she says "just dont expose my story" am thinking shes fortunate he hasnt asked me if shes married or not if he does i wont lie for her nor will i expose her but my no comment will leave room for hard assumptions that are not in her favor.
alhamdulilaah i havent heard from him for a few nights. but seriously what would u do in my situation? if your answer is tell him your not interested remember he is persistent if your answer is enjoin the haqq straightforwardly can you give me an example, because my personality swings two ways, am either real nice or a complete jerk. i havent been taught the balance.
how can i be nice to him without having him think am interested?
how can i be polite without him interrupting and filling my head with emotional blackmail?
if am rude i know for a fact i can deliver and he would be to shocked to respond thus end of story. but i know this is not good and its this aspect to my persona my girl fears will come out.
sometimes i have to literally grit my teeth because my patience runs out
because he thinks if i tell him am not interested he can change my mind, i try to tell him to the truth but when it comes down to it i chicken out for fear of hurting his feelings, it got to the point i dont care about that anymore.
but i just dont understand u take one look at the brother and u would say mashallah. but what u see is seriously not what you get!
2 examples, my best friend and i were driving we saw a brother with a beard behind a till in a newsagents and alcohol stacked up behind him? i was not having it, i gave him every excuse in the book, i said i wont believe that beard is for sunnah purpose, unless u ask i wont believe it, it just cant be!
she started up the car and said 'what are u on about? Q i went into a cosmetic shop and saw one selling wigs"
lol that made me laugh (just picturing the scenery)
anyways. slowly i began to see what she meant, it made sense because i didnt get that feeling of shyness and hapiness when i see certain brothers, i look to the radiance in a face it tells me more then a beard and a nicaab.
we really shouldnt judge a book by its cover.
ok now that i stressed this issue a bit, u will understand why, i have a friend, shes my childhood friend, though i dont see her often, shes someone i miss and stay in contact with, one day she called me and said she is interested in a certain brother for marriage and was cooking for him and needed my help!
i said you me and who? she said some members from her family, (u see i asked who will be present because my girl is not fully practicing she prays wears hijab but there is no haya she still has many traits of jahiliyah, the good thing is she knows, at least shes legit in theory.
anyways, i came over helped her cook, the brother arrived.
to keep a long story short i was playing the hostess, she introduced me to him, we said salam and i went back into the kitchen, then to the bedroom to chill with the others.
my girl the brother and her family were in the next room, because it was busy people were in and out, at one point am asked to get something, i went into the room, just as i entered the others left, the brother was sitting he complimented the food
i replied "dont mention it" i thought get the stuff and leave.
this part surprised me, the brother gives me a physical compliment on beauty! i was surprised, this brother mixed race (dont know what race) but tanned complexion, big beard sunnah clothes i didnt expect that, i left didnt even bother looking for the stuff any more
i came into the kitchen thinking this is weird, especialy the way my girl was going on about him being very religious. i didnt say anything to her
he was going to the bathroom, i was putting food at the door for others to collect i didnt want to go in! i bump into him he takes the stuff of me, and says "oh u shouldnt have, i tell u mashallah u will make a great wife"
now am just thinking what? i didnt say anything and went into kitchen, drinking my juice. my girl would come in joking and asking what i thought. before i could answer she says "his proper into the sunnah huh"
this made me choke on my drink, i said "and am richer then oprah winfrey" she laughed and asked what i meant so i said "his ok kind, handsome u didnt exagerate there but i wouldnt say his as religious as u made him out to be"
she said "true" then walked out.
next day we were at another friends wedding, i seemed down about something, and was sitting in a bedroom with my friend, this brother is on her line, all i hear is
"its me, nas and quest"
then
"oh there allright, quest seems a bit down though dont know why she wont say"
then she passes the phone, i asked who it was, she says its harun, (the brother she wanted to marry)
i did not want to speak, but thought it would be rude, i came on the phone, he asked what the matter was, i told him to nevermind, he was persistent so i briefly said am not happy with my iman lately, nothing big.
he trys to comfort me, but i felt uncomfortable. then he says sister u seem so wise i would love to get to know u.
ok at this point i thought be firm and make ur point so i said
"akii, i dont think thats a good idea, and am sure if u ponder over your situation u would understand perfectly why"
he then changed his story that he didnt mean it the way i understood!
later i saw my friend was not serious about him, when i asked her if she was she would say 'q his very good looking' i would say so what? theres more to a brother then just looks.
when she got passed the looks she saw they had nothing in common, but instead of having the guts to say am not feeling you, she says her family was not happy with the interacial thing. she later says "sis his a bit iffy huh? did u notice"
i laughed i thought that was obvious. she would then joke saying "my iman aint even strong yet even i can see"
anywho
to make matters worse, (by now am no longer in the picture) she tells me shes still in contact with the brother, i said why if she has no intention for marriage, she said she doesnt know and its him who calls she just entertains.
i was not angry with her because i knew the level of her faith, she was on the verge of coming of the ship of jahiliyah but i was thinking what is with the brother? who is suppose to be "religious"
i enjoined the good with her, and then she says "look quest, i couldnt take ur advice so i did worse and lied"
i asked how turns out she told him she got married, her story was believable because she didnt speak to the brother for a few months.
i told her that was a mistake she said but it will work better this way he will no longer contact me.
so she thought, imagine now he thinks shes married and his still calling her. and not just that but telling her that they were meant to be.
even if he felt like that why say it? especialy if shes suppose to be married now?
how do i know he was still calling her?
a group of us sisters were having a study/catch up session at a friends.
am chilling straightening ones hair. the phone rang, it was my friends i picked up because it was nearer to me.
its harun, i said so and so is not here he says "quest is that you" i said yes who are u? he tells me am like oh. he asks how i am etc etc replied then
i hanged up the phone after.
next thing i know 2 nights later my cell phone rings, and its him, how did he get my number? obviously from the sister. i went crazy when i spoke to her and she said she felt tricked, and would explain when i saw her!.
to cut a long story short, this brother is now telling me he is interested in marriage, honestly i wanted to say dont call me but its harder then one thinks, one me and him are associates so i did not want to look paranoid.i thought talk to him this once dont be rude and thats the end of it. how wrong was i! he called another time now completely into me he asked me to marry him
i told him brother i dont think thats a good idea, he then says
"why are you not married one would think brothers are stalking you "
^ you have no idea how much that question annoys me, i said stalking? no, am not married because Allah had not willed it yet end of story.
he asked if i was talking to anyone, i couldnt lie i said not anymore. he then asked what i thought about me and him, i told him the truth, theres a lot of obstacles for me akii, he asks like what, i told him the whole issue with my friend and you for one, its not my style i dont have my sisters leftovers,( i chickened out of saying my real reason which basicaly was he was to dunyafied and not firm in enough. ) D'OH!
he then gave me a speech on destiny and how maybe Allah willed we meet that way etc.
i got interrupted by my brother, so i was trying to persaude him to open a line rental for me, and that i would pay the bill i couldnt get one myself because i had bad credit from jahiliyah times.
i come back on the phone and this brother says marry me and i will get you the phone,
i was gobsmacked, but because he laughed i gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was not serious.
to make sure i told him about the last brother i was sort of interested in, you see this brother, said something he said "Marry me Quest and i promise inshahallah you will live a life of comfort"
a day later i was in my family home, stressed out we had a lot of guests not to mention my large family, after dinner, being the only girl, i cleaned up everything, some attempted to help but its useless they just create more mess.
anyways it was 2am, my entire bodie was acheing and i thought this sucks. the brother (a caucasian) words kept coming back "life of comfort"
i seriously was going to say yes to his proposal, so much so that i dialed his number 2am but thought its ok he can wake up! then my conscience whispered "do not make a big decision based on emotion"!!
then i hanged up
harun asked why i said no to him and those before him, i told him the truth "they were to dunyafied for me, i want a brother that is firm" *hint*
he didnt get the hint. i told him am not materialistic at all, offer me the world and if u r not striving to be firm am not interested. that was the end of that conversation i asked to be excused.
few days later he calls i happen to be in his neighbourhood he asks if we can meet up, i said no he asked again, i got annoyed and told him i had to go.
he then said he felt as though i was avoiding him.
then i said " i cant meet you because you are not my muhram"
he says "sister i did not mean it that way, come on brother fears Allah i meant you can bring one"
thats a lie because he knew i was alone that day and though i said no several times he was persistent anyways i asked "why do you continue to call my friend knowing shes married?"
technicaly shes not but thats what he thinks so its the principle. he says she doesnt mind, i said thats beside the point.
finaly i thought this brother is not getting the hint so i said "i dont have that niyah for u, am sorry i just dont see me as your wife"
he says think about it more and will get back to u!
didnt speak to him for ages, then speaking to my friend she says
"i dont know what u did but this brother is crazy about you" i asked how she knows she then tells me he told her, he called and basicaly told her about his feelings for me, this just seemed to put me off more. i was thinking why is he speaking about our buissness.
i told my friend thats it, "the next time he calls me am gonna drop it like its hott"
i told her this whole situation is beneath me, and i have no idea how i got caught up in this crap and that its all her fault but soon will put an end to it!
she says "quest i beg you dont hurt his feelings just say your not interested because u cant get over his past link with me"
i said "its not about hurting his feelings its about enjoining in the good and forbidding the evil, if i dont he will continue to behave this way with other sisters and i want sisters to take him seriously because he is a sweet guy"
she says she already tried and even said its wrong that he calls when shes "married"
am like and? he still does! in the end i left it, she says "ignore his calls he will get the picture just dont hurt him"
i said "the truth can either hurt us or liberate us, ignoring calls is your flex, am gonna tell him am not interested and the subject is no longer open for consideration, and i pray thats the last i hear from it"
she says "just dont expose my story" am thinking shes fortunate he hasnt asked me if shes married or not if he does i wont lie for her nor will i expose her but my no comment will leave room for hard assumptions that are not in her favor.
alhamdulilaah i havent heard from him for a few nights. but seriously what would u do in my situation? if your answer is tell him your not interested remember he is persistent if your answer is enjoin the haqq straightforwardly can you give me an example, because my personality swings two ways, am either real nice or a complete jerk. i havent been taught the balance.
how can i be nice to him without having him think am interested?
how can i be polite without him interrupting and filling my head with emotional blackmail?
if am rude i know for a fact i can deliver and he would be to shocked to respond thus end of story. but i know this is not good and its this aspect to my persona my girl fears will come out.
sometimes i have to literally grit my teeth because my patience runs out
because he thinks if i tell him am not interested he can change my mind, i try to tell him to the truth but when it comes down to it i chicken out for fear of hurting his feelings, it got to the point i dont care about that anymore.
but i just dont understand u take one look at the brother and u would say mashallah. but what u see is seriously not what you get!