for dating : can anyone say how to say no nicely

[sawan]

I was eating at the cafeteria when this girl in my college came and asked me out. I had been invited to parties before and it had avoided them but here suddenly I was so dumbstruck I didnt say anything, and because I am known to be unsocial( as I dont participate in parties/gatherings for drinking) she said that she's gonna come get me from my dorm if I dont show up! The way she asked though had me really dumbfounded, and me being such an idiot couldnt think of anything to say.

But I want to tell her that I do not want to go out, and do this before she buys the concert tickets. I am thinking of calling her up and saying it, and maybe explaining that I follow some rules, and at the same time not seem rude as she was in one of my group projects before and she did help me out, and she is a friendly person.
She also knows I am a muslim, and she dated one of my hall mates before. My friend who is muslim(but not practising) told me to go the date but not get involved or go beyond that, but and my restraint now is especially low, and I have been struggling against this for the last few years). And lately I have started daydreaming about women and its just weird coz they are like half formed thoughts and make no sense, and it has taken a toll on my studies. So I think if I go I might something. if any of you got any nice lines or ideas I can use to explain my reason to not go? Also, anybody know any doa on how to clear head and focus on studies ?

[MG]

lines? :rolleyes:

dont say nothing, when she "turns up at your dorm" open the door, look at her and close it again on her.

I mean she didnt give u the chance to say no did she? so why would she jus go ahead and make plans?

i wouldnt take your friends advice to "jus go on the date " either, this is what is called "footsteps of shaitaan" i.e.first its dinner, then u think hmm, ill jus pop down to her dorm, then its, ill jus help her on her assignment and stay alittle, oooh she is a little upset, ill jus hug her to comfort her , then one thing leads to another......

if you do feel u wanna tell her then, jus say it like it is and like u mean it, " its not in my religon to date, so i dont wish to go out with u" .

[Desi_Madam]

you dont really need a 'way' to say this, how about jus directly tell her exactly why you cant and dont want to go, and give a bit of dawah while ur at it :up: :p

[Desi_Madam]

if you do feel u wanna tell her then, jus say it like it is and like u mean it, " its not in my religon to date, so i dont wish to go out with u" .

nicely put :up:

[Omar]

on second thoughts edit :p

ignore this post :D

[Shaolin's-Finest]

I was eating at the cafeteria when this girl in my college came and asked me out. I had been invited to parties before and it had avoided them but here suddenly I was so dumbstruck I didnt say anything, and because I am known to be unsocial( as I dont participate in parties/gatherings for drinking) she said that she's gonna come get me from my dorm if I dont show up! The way she asked though had me really dumbfounded, and me being such an idiot couldnt think of anything to say.

But I want to tell her that I do not want to go out, and do this before she buys the concert tickets. I am thinking of calling her up and saying it, and maybe explaining that I follow some rules, and at the same time not seem rude as she was in one of my group projects before and she did help me out, and she is a friendly person.
She also knows I am a muslim, and she dated one of my hall mates before. My friend who is muslim(but not practising) told me to go the date but not get involved or go beyond that, but and my restraint now is especially low, and I have been struggling against this for the last few years). And lately I have started daydreaming about women and its just weird coz they are like half formed thoughts and make no sense, and it has taken a toll on my studies. So I think if I go I might something. if any of you got any nice lines or ideas I can use to explain my reason to not go? Also, anybody know any doa on how to clear head and focus on studies ?Salaam Akhi,

Just phone her and tell her that you don't want (rather your not allowed) to go for religious reasons.
As for the women issue, if you feel your going to fornicate/having difficulty controlling yourself, then you should try to get married asap.

[Rie_Maya]

Salaam
Perhaps if you feel embarrassed about having to speak to her about it all - could you not text her mobile or email her and simply say why not? This will avoid you having to actually have to get into a dialogue in which you may again 'lose your tongue'?!
It could be a good opprtunity for you to give her some dawah-perhaps include some nice website links???
Insha'Allah all will go well.

[Tahiyah]

well its certainly very normal for a young man to daydream about women and desire them..etc. so don't beat yourself up about that. especially when you have to attend classes with girls who are uncovered. still tho, in Islam we have all the cures. FASTING and lowering the gaze. try fasting a few days a week. its a great way to stay focused. sadly, not to many muslims are willing to use this excellent advice.

if you have non muslim friends and they just dont get why you are so "anti-social"..try inviting all of them over for pizza or something and then explain to them why you dont date and participate in parties..etc. explain to them that it is hard on you but its a fight you do for the sake of God. afraid of sounding lame? you wont, you will win their respect and also you will be surprised at how many will really listen to your dawah.

also, never be afraid to speak up to your weak brothers about their wrong doings. tell them you yourself may not be perfect, but you are still their mirror and have to tell them to get it together. ;)

my son is a student and has similar problems as you. many of his non muslim friends have taken an interest in Islam and all of them respect him for his beliefs.

most of all say Alhamdulillah your a muslim. :)

[Hafsah]

if you don't know what to say...just make sure you are not in your dorm when she turns up...leave a note on your door saying 'gone to pray'

[Niqaabi]

Take Muslim girls's advice :up: mashaAllah!

My advice is a bit dramatic :embar:

Basically what you do is talk to her before the actual concert date, tell her by phone or email whatever and just say that you are muslim, dating, mixing with the opposite sex is haraam (forbidden). Also going to a concert is haraam too as music is haraam. And if she says you can just watch a movie, tell her that you cant because she is a girl and its haraam as you said before.
Make sure you are firm when you say this so you get the point across.
Now im thinking, this girl isnt going to give up. So if she shows up at your dorm and is like pulling you to go, just look at her like this --> :mad: and say "Why dont you respect my decision and leave me alone! I came to college to study not go out with girls and ruin my education. I want to persue my career and to do that i need to get good grades, after that i want to marry a nice MUSLIM girl and lead a pious life following Islam and :insha: go to jannah, so please leave me alone"
Then throw your hands up in the air and say "Ya Allah help this ummah and myself to stay on your path forever, and make our eemaan grow so we are strong enought to fight the temptations of shaytaan"

Then when she leaves, go and do wudhu and do 2 rakah that Allah saved you from a sin :D

Allahu Akbar!!

[MG]

Take Muslim girls's advice :up: mashaAllah!

My advice is a bit dramatic :embar:

Basically what you do is talk to her before the actual concert date, tell her by phone or email whatever and just say that you are muslim, dating, mixing with the opposite sex is haraam (forbidden). Also going to a concert is haraam too as music is haraam. And if she says you can just watch a movie, tell her that you cant because she is a girl and its haraam as you said before.
Make sure you are firm when you say this so you get the point across.
Now im thinking, this girl isnt going to give up. So if she shows up at your dorm and is like pulling you to go, just look at her like this --> :mad: and say "Why dont you respect my decision and leave me alone! I came to college to study not go out with girls and ruin my education. I want to persue my career and to do that i need to get good grades, after that i want to marry a nice MUSLIM girl and lead a pious life following Islam and :insha: go to jannah, so please leave me alone"
Then throw your hands up in the air and say "Ya Allah help this ummah and myself to stay on your path forever, and make our eemaan grow so we are strong enought to fight the temptations of shaytaan"

Then when she leaves, go and do wudhu and do 2 rakah that Allah saved you from a sin :D

Allahu Akbar!!


Allaho akabr!

[Quest]

sing ray charles "hit the road jack"

just change jack into jane:up:

[Phoenix CG]

She knocks, you open the door, you belch real loud, job done.

[Abu' Maryam]

Wow :masha: there are sooooo much good advice already provided above- take your pick. (Save the belching and singing combo if all else fails as a last resort.)

I need not give any mo input. :up:

[Quest]

i was joking in my last response!

what ever u do tell her ur reasons with wisdom allah says call on them with good reasoning and wisdom.

i wish people paid attention to this request. instead of saying oh its haram to sit with a girl, simply say when alone with the opposite sex shaytan is the 3rd party. and u wish to not get urself in such situations as a means to protect ur honer and modesty as well as hers.

tell her ur Islam is not a habit but a way of life, and this way of life has strict conditions which u must adhere to and quite frankly parties and concerts are not apart of this way of life. further more it distracts, thus why such gatherings are prohibited.

as for ur muslim friend telling u to go, bro ALLAH never said DONT COMMIT ZINA he said DO NOT COME CLOSE TO IT

this is a wisdom, by not coming close to fornication u wont comit it simply because u will shut all doors leading to it. by thinking its ok to do some stuff so long as u do not fornicate, what u have done is get close to zina and so there is a 98% chance u will do it.

Can we give ALLAH a round of applause. because that command of his epotomizes WISDOM

[Chained_Water]

Erm, it is actually possible to say no without being rude and giving her the impression you're just plain mean and hurtful.

Next time you speak to her just say "I'm flattered that you asked me and I don't mean to be rude to you personally but my religion is dear to me and it is against my way of life to date and have pre-marital relationships with women. Don't take it as an insult, it is simply me saying I care more about my duty to God.. and God says we should respect ourselves and women enough not to use and abuse them outside marriage for pleasure.. but to uphold their respect and dignity and only have a lawful and committed relastionship with them in the form of marriage."

Dawah opportunity.. not a slam door in face, scream, belch shout arabic phrases she doesn't understand opportunity.

[Phoenix CG]

Alright alright, try all those, if she persists, it's still open mate, crank up the volume. :rotfl:

[ur_yusra]

Just say to her.. 'hey I won't go out with you but if you're really interested give me your mahrams number.. so when do you wanna get married..?'

[Chained_Water]

Just say to her.. 'hey I won't go out with you but if you're really interested give me your mahrams number.. we can talk about the wedding date later'...:p

I assumed the girl was not muslim? In which case she'd be like :eek3:

I really think you should talk about the respect and dignity of a woman and how islam upholds it.. it will inshaAllah awaken a sense of haya in the girl, because it is part of fitrah and a reminder can make you feel something.. some sense of shame, if you have an open heart.

[Chained_Water]

Alright alright, try all those, if she persists, it's still open mate, crank up the volume. :rotfl:
Bro Phoenix.. I hope your wife won't get the same burp in face treatment :p

[Phoenix CG]

Bro Phoenix.. I hope your wife won't get the same burp in face treatment :p

Nope cas she's muslim, and not a kaafir puckering her lips. SubhanaAllah :rolleyes: I do have some Adaab guys

[Chained_Water]

Nope cas she's muslim, and not a kaafir puckering her lips. SubhanaAllah :rolleyes: I do have some Adaab guys
:D .......

[Phoenix CG]

:D .......

How about you? Whens the big day?

[Chained_Water]

How about you? Whens the big day?
Don't ask bro :rolleyes:

[Phoenix CG]

Don't ask bro :rolleyes:

You don't need to say Publically, :rotfl: Oh don't worry I know anyway.

[Submission]

My brother...

Say "am sorry but I fear Allah"... people don't say this much when they should. If you say this then say it with upmost intentions that you do fear Allah for he is watching you allt he tme and the choices you make affect your future for which only Allah knows what will happen.

[Chained_Water]

You don't need to say Publically, :rotfl: Oh don't worry I know anyway.
You know what anyway? :eek3: :confused:

[hugofuchs]

Call her up, and tell her your flattered BUT ... She's not your type. If she asks what your type is, then say your type is a devout orthodox muslim woman. Case closed.
:up:

[Phoenix CG]

You know what anyway? :eek3: :confused:

I know what you know, and you don't know that i know that what i know is what you know, and knowing that, you know i know.

[Chained_Water]

I know what you know, and you don't know that i know that what i know is what you know, and knowing that, you know i know.
Erm, I know that either you are totally befuzzled or I am.. well I definately am.. but you might be too by the sounds of it :nuts:

[Phoenix CG]

Erm, I know that either you are totally befuzzled or I am.. well I definately am.. but you might be too by the sounds of it :nuts:

I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz.

[Chained_Water]

I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz.
because because because because of the wonderful things he does

[Phoenix CG]

If only you knew...

[Chained_Water]

If only you knew...
:eek: .....

[outlandish]

assalamulaikom
the best thing is to politely say no and walk away.No matter how nice u say but once u refuse them they mostly stop saying hi next time they see u.

[ThE aPpReNtIcE]

jus look at her and go..."me no speaky engalaish"

[Black_Flag]

jus look at her and go..."me no speaky engalaish"

LOL! is dat wht u do?

[ThE aPpReNtIcE]

every time sis..everytime..na..i cant do that..cause the majority of pple at the uni know me..lol

[OthaEllen]

Just say, "I'm sure a nice man but I currently am not interested in dating anyone". If he can't accept your answer he's a jerk, and you should rephrase the statement in a not so nice manner.

[sawan]

Jazakalla Khair all the brothers and sisters who gave their ideas . I told her and it went pretty well, she just said I need to enjoy life more. But other than that, it was pretty much ok:) . I actually felt very peaceful after that was over :)

[silkworm]

There are bunch of tricks I do:
*Can I have your phone number, I say "it's in the directory"
Well, whats your name then, I say "Its int he directory too"

* I am lonely, how about you??, I say " I am lonely, leave me alone"

* My Blood test report says I am HIV positive, I guess I am ready to party,
"You will just see a flash of heels on the run".