View Full Version : Secret Nikah.....
Asalaamu Alaikum warahmatullah...
I have a question and was wondering if anyone knows anything in regards to this issue...
If a brother and sister intend to get married, alhumdullilah their families have agreed but the parents may wish for this to occur after a few years for whatever reason...what is the permissability of them having their nikah done without their parents knowledge??? Obviously, the objective is to avoid fitna, by allowing them to speak etc....but often this reasoning may be difficult to explain to the parents??? There may even be older siblings who have yet to be married etc etc...
I have seen many people in this situation with different issues, and was wondering what exactly is the ruling....
Any comments, or experiences are also more then welcome inshallah.
Jazakumullah khayr....
u mean getting hitched on the sly? lol
Salman Al-Farsi
10-04-06, 04:24 PM
Wa alaykum as salam
It depends on the reality, if the father has approved (depends on the kind of approval) of the guy, than it is ok. There is actually nothign haram about secret nikah except it being socially incorrect and that fact that Islam recommends that weddings should be made a public affair.
As long as she has permission from wali the contract of nikah is Valid, but people should avoid doing this as it creates many problems.
Again, brothers and sisters in desperate situations should contact a scholar specifying their exact reality.
muslim_sis
10-04-06, 04:26 PM
well u can only disobey ur parents if they tell u do something haram or if they do not allow u to follow islam - i.e. drink wine , or dont pray ...
if a parent says 'no' on the basis of a reason which is not valid , such as '' hes not from our cast'' , then one has the right to marry , however , it is advised that one should go to their parents even tho it was 'no' the first time to try and convince - on the other hand if ones parents had a valid reason such as his deen not being good etc , then thats different, the person should take the advise of their parents and if they feel otherwise , should discuss it with them to come to a conclusion , but at that instance one can not disobey their parents.
theres a hadeeth , which i dont know word for word , but it states that ,if a man comes to u and u are pleased with his deen and character then give ur daughter to him , otherwise there will be great mischief and fitnah!
& allahu alam
Theres a topic on this somewhere i posted once exact same thing bout a couple getting hitched in the park or something i think it had a few islamic rulings on there
remember that one salman ?:)
Wa alaykum as salam
It depends on the reality, if the father has approved (depends on the kind of approval) of the guy, than it is ok. There is actually nothign haram about secret nikah except it being socially incorrect and that fact that Islam recommends that weddings should be made a public affair.
As long as she has permission from wali the contract of nikah is Valid, but people should avoid doing this as it creates many problems.
Again, brothers and sisters in desperate situations should contact a scholar specifying their exact reality.
When you say 'permission of wali'....do you mean even though he dont know the nikah is happening...he should have approved of the guy?????
Yeh I agree, a scholar should be contacted....but its just I know quite a few people in this situation....its a very difficult one......so was wondering about the issue.....
Al-ghurabah
10-04-06, 04:31 PM
well u can only disobey ur parents if they tell u do something haram or if they do not allow u to follow islam - i.e. drink wine , or dont pray ...
if a parent says 'no' on the basis of a reason which is not valid , such as '' hes not from our cast'' , then one has the right to marry , however , it is advised that one should go to their parents even tho it was 'no' the first time to try and convince - on the other hand if ones parents had a valid reason such as his deen not being good etc , then thats different, the person should take the advise of their parents and if they feel otherwise , should discuss it with them to come to a conclusion , but at that instance one can not disobey their parents.
theres a hadeeth , which i dont know word for word , but it states that ,if a man comes to u and u are pleased with his deen and character then give ur daughter to him , otherwise there will be great mischief and fitnah!
& allahu alam
yep there is such hadeeth. read it before.. you cant say no if the guy is good in his deen.. but these days we have issues with nationality then cast then language.. very hard.. and society we live in does not help...
if you parents are ok with the person. then explain to them that is it ok for you to just do the nikkah and then you can celebrate later. explain its due to fitna. and shaytan getting in between.
long engagments not good idea...
muslim_sis
10-04-06, 04:35 PM
When you say 'permission of wali'....do you mean even though he dont know the nikah is happening...he should have approved of the guy?????
but thats kinda acting on deception ... if the wali said 'yeh... in 2 years' and u go and tell a sheikh the wali said ''yeh...'' without finishing off his sentence , its a deception !!
cant the person speak to their wali, with a plan , i.e. '' i really want to get married , and iknow education is important, so i want to continue education and be married at same time'' altho i knw quite a few people have problems with that ! :rolleyes:
but thats kinda acting on deception ... if the wali said 'yeh... in 2 years' and u go and tell a sheikh the wali said ''yeh...'' without finishing off his sentence , its a deception !!
cant the person speak to their wali, with a plan , i.e. '' i really want to get married , and iknow education is important, so i want to continue education and be married at same time'' altho i knw quite a few people have problems with that ! :rolleyes:
Yep...true...but the whole thing about secret nikah, is the wali dont know!!!! he may have met the person, and approved......but thats it...
and also its not always about education....may be many other things.
I mean, I wouldnt encourage this to anyone....secrets are never are good thing, especially from your family...but inshallah, its a very difficult situation and may Allah (swt) make it easy for those in it, and protect us from it.....but it can be very hard for some people to say to their parents 'I need to get married...cant wait a few years.....too much fitna....' and try to make them understand.........
Salman Al-Farsi
10-04-06, 04:45 PM
When you say 'permission of wali'....do you mean even though he dont know the nikah is happening...he should have approved of the guy?????
Yeh I agree, a scholar should be contacted....but its just I know quite a few people in this situation....its a very difficult one......so was wondering about the issue.....
To be honest, there are quiet a few opinions regarding the obligatory conditions of the Nikah. I follow a Hanafee/Shafi view which is that the girl needs approval of a Wali no matter what, so if father disagrees for unislamic reason, than she can turn to grandfather, than paternal uncle, than brother etc if no one agrees she can take them to the Qadhi (Islamic court.. which doesnt exists nowdays) so she can perhaps contact an Imam.
As for the approval, it is quiet undefined, the nikah may be valid without the approval but they are sinful for not seeking it, so anytime during the marriage the father approves from that point they are no longer sinful. That sin is for not fulfilling a secondary condition of the Nikah.
It seems alot of people who do secret marriages, have not put any thought into the action, its just spare of the moment thing. If their parents have agreed to them being engaged than they should just trust their parents judgement and reason for delaying the marriage and be patient.
muslim_sis
10-04-06, 04:50 PM
but it can be very hard for some people to say to their parents 'I need to get married...cant wait a few years.....too much fitna....' and try to make them understand.........
yeh i know that , but the person has to build up courage , coz one might go into 'secret nikah' without asking their wali, and who knows , the persons dad may have agreed (if the person asked b4) and said ''ok get married now'' , the person will never know ...
Le Croyant
10-04-06, 05:18 PM
If a couple takes the step of secrte marraige even after getting engaged then I as a parent/brother/uncle would loose trust in them.
Al-Irhaab
10-04-06, 05:25 PM
engagements in islam mean nothing... the couple still cant talk or meet etc...
the nikah would be valid even without the parents permission...
the couple need to decide what they want... they can choose to continue if they can avoid fitnah and wait.. or they can get married without telling the parents and it would be valid... or they can just end it and find someone else...
sometimes parents all they understand is their culture and dont understand what is required from the islamic perspective... the couple should decide what is islamically best for them... if that means waiting, going ahead in secret or ending it...
*bump* cause that other thread comes up on the main page and its getting on my nerves
muslim_sis
10-04-06, 05:46 PM
*bump* cause that other thread comes up on the main page and its getting on my nerves
lol.wat other thread?
lol.wat other thread?
Oh that one started by white cross......
Also, in regards to the issue at hand.....lol
I think you have to completely exhaust the possibility of being able to convince the parents... if you only try half-heartedly, without sincerely trying very hard to convince them.....then a secret nikah is a rather rash decision, and it holds many consequences.....
I mean, marriage itself is quite a big decision and an even bigger one if you parents dont know about it...at the end of the day, parents may be cultural but they want whats best for their children......and often, they are not so cultural that they cannot be convinced......
.: Anna :.
10-04-06, 06:19 PM
Yes people should really try to put a lot more effort to persuade the parents. If they already approved the person it should not be TOO much to persuade them to let ur nikah come earlier to avoid fitna, even if u wnt live 2geta yet. I think better to make dua and persist with the parents again and again than go behind their back
Al-Irhaab
10-04-06, 06:23 PM
Also, in regards to the issue at hand.....lol
I think you have to completely exhaust the possibility of being able to convince the parents... if you only try half-heartedly, without sincerely trying very hard to convince them.....then a secret nikah is a rather rash decision, and it holds many consequences.....
I mean, marriage itself is quite a big decision and an even bigger one if you parents dont know about it...at the end of the day, parents may be cultural but they want whats best for their children......and often, they are not so cultural that they cannot be convinced......
yup u shld try ur best with the parents ... talk to them and explain to them the situation and speak to them...and convince them and then decide what is the best way... too many kids nowadays dont speak to their parents and that causes trouble...
elefantebianco
10-04-06, 06:34 PM
salaams,
I was just wondering what if the guy's father disagrees for no reason what so ever...are the couple still permitted to get married... since the man requires no ones permission...however is this not being disobedient to his parents and is not disobedience with ones parents one of the three things that we get punishment of the grave for???(May Allah protect us all from it) What do two ppl do in such a circumstance.....get married with the fear of cutting off blood ties (which is another thing what is not permitted in this beautiful deen) and disobeying his parents???
muslimah85
10-04-06, 06:36 PM
in all honesty a lot of people emphasise the need to talk to parents, but we have to remember a lot of people who are in these situations are because they have spoken to parents they wont listen/disagree/wont care to understand/ wont change their views :freedom:
it is simply not as easy as to say 'talk to you parents', easier said then done!
yup u shld try ur best with the parents ... talk to them and explain to them the situation and speak to them...and convince them and then decide what is the best way... too many kids nowadays dont speak to their parents and that causes trouble...
Yep both parties should try and convince their parents....
At the same time, I understand why some people find it difficult to speak to their parents about such issues...it can be very sensitive and awkward..and is easier said then done....but even if it takes time, this is still better then doing a secret nikah I think.....rash decisions are usually not the best ones....
And if, they cannot convince their parents for whatever reason, then maybe having sabr and seeking strength from Allah is the best option........Allahualim
Form Sunni path:
Question:
In a situation where two engaged people live close to each other and constantly see each other and find it difficult to stay within bounds, and the only reason why they cannot get married asap is because the parents want the boy to finish another year of school, which doesn't make a difference in his financial stability, is it ok for them to have a secret marriage, where the parents of both the bride and groom do not know at all, but two witnesses are present? and my other question is, does one have to consummate the marriage before the walima, or can one have a walima without consummating?
Answer:
In the name of Allah the Inspirer of truth
It would not be permissible in this case to marry discreetly. Try to convince the parents to at least allow the nikah to be solemnized so you would be considered husband and wife and leave the consummation for later. This is definitely a better and safer choice than remaining without nikah in a long engagement. If this is not possible then you have to avoid any contact or interaction, which you have also correctly observed.
Marrying discreetly without the community or the general family knowing would put you in a place of accusation and suspicion when you interact. Even if many of them do not care [or even encourage interaction outside marriage], there will be others who will look on with suspicion and consider it a sinful practice. Putting yourself in places of suspicion is also to be avoided. A narration which is more correctly attributed to 'Umar radiyallahu anhu states, "Abstain from [placing yourself in] places of suspicion" (Kashf al-Khafa').
Having said this, a couple who are in a serious situation where they fear zina [haram interaction] should contact a learned scholar in their area and explain their situation to them and ask for their judgment.
And with Allah is all success.
Wassalam
Abdurrahman Mangera
^^^^
Interesting....
Jazakamullah khayr
Niqaabi
10-04-06, 07:49 PM
Ok what about this situation:
A guy agrees to marry you, but not right now, do you think its ok to invite him round and get married to him without him knowing it? Like asking him to give you his autograph and actually he's signing a nikah contract.
He has already agreed to marry you, but just doesnt know its now.
:rolleyes:
muslim_sis
10-04-06, 07:52 PM
Ok what about this situation:
A guy agrees to marry you, but not right now, do you think its ok to invite him round and get married to him without him knowing it? Like asking him to give you his autograph and actually he's signing a nikah contract.
He has already agreed to marry you, but just doesnt know its now.
:rolleyes:
niqaabi :eek: , get real , loll :rolleyes:
Unique Muslimah
10-04-06, 07:54 PM
yep there is such hadeeth. read it before.. you cant say no if the guy is good in his deen.. but these days we have issues with nationality then cast then language.. very hard.. and society we live in does not help...
if you parents are ok with the person. then explain to them that is it ok for you to just do the nikkah and then you can celebrate later. explain its due to fitna. and shaytan getting in between.
long engagments not good idea...
How long is long?and why do you say it's not a good idea..(just asking outta curiosity..:p)
elefantebianco
10-04-06, 08:45 PM
How long is long?and why do you say it's not a good idea..(just asking outta curiosity..:p)
curiosity ay' lol....
erm i dunno...in Algerian culture u can do it for a long time like yrs and its the norm...its jst like havin a bf....but i think 6 months is good sweetie....but depends on ur circumstance....
Niqaabi
10-04-06, 08:46 PM
niqaabi :eek: , get real , loll :rolleyes:
I didnt say i do that :rolleyes:
But im just saying what do people think of that sort of thing?
ur_yusra
10-04-06, 08:54 PM
I didnt say i do that :rolleyes:
But im just saying what do people think of that sort of thing?
erm.. well.. if the guy dnt knw hes married to u.. then hes not gnna ACT likes hes married to u.. and of course thats plain silliness because for a nikah to be valid dnt both parties have to give their outright permission.. this senario is more like deception.. would a sister really do that.. :eek3:
Anyway of course noone wants to do anything behind the parents back so the best thing is to work through it with both sets of parents.. I think parents are concerned abt their daughter not living with her husband for years after nikah in fear that he might run off or something..
Niqaabi
10-04-06, 08:59 PM
erm.. well.. if the guy dnt knw hes married to u.. then hes not gnna ACT likes hes married to u.. and of course thats plain silliness because for a nikah to be valid dnt both parties have to give their outright permission.. this senario is more like deception.. would a sister really do that.. :eek3:
yeah but he's already agreed to marrying you and after he signs it you just say "oh no! sorry this is the nikah i prepared, woops, looks like we're married" :p
Emelianenko
10-04-06, 09:54 PM
Nikah is done when the Man verbally accepts sum1 in the presence of two witnesses. u can get him to sign a whole catalogue and it wud be of no value :p :p
Niqaabi
10-04-06, 09:55 PM
ok wat if you get some witnesses and the imam and play Sharades? Guess this word: I do! :p
.: Anna :.
10-04-06, 09:57 PM
lol I think ur joking neway I am sure that would invalid. Doesn't the guy have to be asked verbally like 3 times or something "do you agree to marry fu3laan for this amount of mahr?" (Im not sure I was in dif room frm Baba wen they done that bit) still neway I think it wont be valid.
M85 yes easier said than done but perhaps some ppl are easier to give up and take this secret nikah route than to persist more, with sabr. I think this nikah thing is prob asking for trouble bc wat if something happens n somehow they dnt end up gettin married (according to the parents) eg say they do this secret nikah then the "wedding" itself is called of for some reason, as far as the parents are conserned they are not married or anything, it could get complecated.
I dno how ppl can actually go thru the anxiety of keeping that kind of secret...
Niqaabi
10-04-06, 10:00 PM
yes but, you can do that, like you can get the imam to say "so are you sure you wana marry this person?" and he just keeps saying "yes" and then its done :D you're married!
hmm might try this. ;):p
.: Anna :.
10-04-06, 10:04 PM
Even as joke, you can't practise deception for something like this.
There is a hadith:
Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.22.56
Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Said ibn al-Musayyab said, "There are three things in which there is no jest: marriage, divorce, and setting free."
Emelianenko
10-04-06, 10:05 PM
yes but, you can do that, like you can get the imam to say "so are you sure you wana marry this person?" and he just keeps saying "yes" and then its done :D you're married!
hmm might try this. ;):p
Nah aint as easy as tht :p :p
Emelianenko
10-04-06, 10:05 PM
LOL if i walked into a house and saw an Imaam playing games like tht id be like :eek3: and dial 999 and say ders a geezah here who needs taking to the nuthouse :p :p
Niqaabi
10-04-06, 10:11 PM
Even as joke, you can't practise deception for something like this.
There is a hadith:
Hadith - Malik's Muwatta Book 28, Number 28.22.56
Yahya related to me from Malik from Yahya ibn Said that Said ibn al-Musayyab said, "There are three things in which there is no jest: marriage, divorce, and setting free."
:p im joking like i would really do that :rolleyes:
*rips up plans*
.: Anna :.
10-04-06, 10:46 PM
I know ur joking lol still I wanted 2 post the hadith 4 ur and everyone's reference :D
erm.. well.. if the guy dnt knw hes married to u.. then hes not gnna ACT likes hes married to u.. and of course thats plain silliness because for a nikah to be valid dnt both parties have to give their outright permission.. this senario is more like deception.. would a sister really do that.. :eek3:
Anyway of course noone wants to do anything behind the parents back so the best thing is to work through it with both sets of parents.. I think parents are concerned abt their daughter not living with her husband for years after nikah in fear that he might run off or something.
Agreed...
Yep, and that is understandable to be honest, I can understand their fear.....From the parents point of view, once you live together, then you can trust the guy because he is less likely to go anywhere......
I mean, Islamically the nikah contract means a lot, culturally, it is only half the story....so the fear needs to be removed from the parents mind I spose.....if possible, sometimes it simply cannot be....
.: Anna :.
11-04-06, 08:04 PM
depends, if they check out the guy and they are satisfied with his deen and character, then they should trust he wont do that....
sometimes u cant always b so paranoid, suspicious, after checking him out... put tawakkul on Allah and go for it, sometimes u have to
Al-Irhaab
11-04-06, 08:06 PM
depends, if they check out the guy and they are satisfied with his deen and character, then they should trust he wont do that....
sometimes u cant always b so paranoid, suspicious, after checking him out... put tawakkul on Allah and go for it, sometimes u have to
trusting in someones deen is the most important thing... i mean why would u want to marry your daughter to someone you trust... why would a woman marry someone she doesnt trust... if u dont trust ur future husband or future wife then why would u wait years for them anyway :rolleyes:
Al-Nasser
11-04-06, 08:22 PM
now give me your opinion
a guy and girl are engaged......supposed to get married once the guy graduate.....this is the opinion of the girl parents and the guy parents as well......the two families agree strictly on that......but there is one problem.....the guy doesn't seem to be graduating in the near future because he is so busy with a successful business.....but for the two families and a big percentage of the middle eastern families college degree come first before anything else........and it is not like the guy doesn't want to graduate...he will some day....but he is so busy with his business to graduate asap...
as for the girl she doesn't care....she love the guy so much......she share the same point of view with him......and so she gave him this idea......."we marry this summer secretly and announce our marriage when you graduate"
the guy is pretty excited about the idea and will go for it
bad idea?
Yeh ofcourse you put your tawaakal in Allah (swt)....however with parents who may be slightly culturally orientated...its not so easy to change that mentality...Even if they trust the guy, for parents who are not used to the idea of have a nikah done...but dont move in etc etc.....that concept is odd...
So convincing such parents takes time and sabr.
ur_yusra
11-04-06, 08:47 PM
now give me your opinion
a guy and girl are engaged......supposed to get married once the guy graduate.....this is the opinion of the girl parents and the guy parents as well......the two families agree strictly on that......but there is one problem.....the guy doesn't seem to be graduating in the near future because he is so busy with a successful business.....but for the two families and a big percentage of the middle eastern families college degree come first before anything else........and it is not like the guy doesn't want to graduate...he will some day....but he is so busy with his business to graduate asap...
as for the girl she doesn't care....she love the guy so much......she share the same point of view with him......and so she gave him this idea......."we marry this summer secretly and announce our marriage when you graduate"
the guy is pretty excited about the idea and will go for it
bad idea?
Well that is exactly the type of situation that is being discussed here..
And yeh Nawar is right.. Mostly from the asian region a man cannot imagine marrying his daughter off only to find her returning home again and saying.. hey dad im gnna be living at home as usual.. well for a few years anyway.. for them a daughter gets married and its bye bye.. to be frank.
Well that is exactly the type of situation that is being discussed here..
And yeh Nawar is right.. Mostly from the asian region a man cannot imagine marrying his daughter off only to find her returning home again and saying.. hey dad im gnna be living at home as usual.. well for a few years anyway.. for them a daughter gets married and its bye bye.. to be frank.
Exactly......that culture is all they know, thats what they've grown up with...not just back home....in this country as well....its get married and bye bye.....literally...
So yeh, its a difficult situation......depends on many things. But again, just because the parents may need a bit of convincing, may take some time, but is better than make rash decisions out of impatience or frustration. Its hard, and inshallah one has to have sabr.
(SU4WR and MBC)
.: Anna :.
11-04-06, 10:54 PM
Yeh ofcourse you put your tawaakal in Allah (swt)....however with parents who may be slightly culturally orientated...its not so easy to change that mentality...Even if they trust the guy, for parents who are not used to the idea of have a nikah done...but dont move in etc etc.....that concept is odd...
So convincing such parents takes time and sabr.yeah indeed yes it does take time and sabr but I find that to be preferable to deception personally. It may be difficult to persuade them but thats a test for those in that situation, which I have been in that same situation myself to an extent. But we shouldnt under estimate the power of dua (the weapon of the believer). Going behind the back of the parents is quite a big deal, they will be so angry imagine if they find out.... say you done the nikah in secret, so ur all halal 4 each other 2 meet up etc, so of course the temptation is there to meet, and since its halal of course ur gna go for it, even if u tried to restrict it at first, blatantly people will feel tempted to hang around 2gta. Then u think ur doing it on the sly, but some auntie may notice u hanging around all the time 2gta then the word will go to the parents, the parents will be like "wat is this haram things u are doing having affairs with boys?!" they may blirt out the truth "its not haraam, we got married" the parent will be like "what? :mad: :mad: how dare you" they will be all smarmily backchatting like "yeh its ur fault we done it on the sly cos u wouldnt let us" and the whole situation would become explosive.
very dangerous in my opinion
ur_yusra
11-04-06, 10:58 PM
yeah indeed yes it does take time and sabr but I find that to be preferable to deception personally. It may be difficult to persuade them but thats a test for those in that situation, which I have been in that same situation myself to an extent. But we shouldnt under estimate the power of dua (the weapon of the believer). Going behind the back of the parents is quite a big deal, they will be so angry imagine if they find out.... say you done the nikah in secret, so ur all halal 4 each other 2 meet up etc, so of course the temptation is there to meet, and since its halal of course ur gna go for it, even if u tried to restrict it at first, blatantly people will feel tempted to hang around 2gta. Then u think ur doing it on the sly, but some auntie may notice u hanging around all the time 2gta then the word will go to the parents, the parents will be like "wat is this haram things u are doing having affairs with boys?!" they may blirt out the truth "its not haraam, we got married" the parent will be like "what? :mad: :mad: how dare you" they will be all smarmily backchatting like "yeh its ur fault we done it on the sly cos u wouldnt let us" and the whole situation would become explosive.
very dangerous in my opinion
I agree :up:
Niqaabi
11-04-06, 11:06 PM
Me too :D
Me three...jazakullah khayr anna....
But hang on, im distracted by Niqaabis pic at the moment.....:rofl1: ....thats hilarious.........hmmm....But I wouldnt have thought you would have that pic Niqaabi????? lol
Al-Irhaab
11-04-06, 11:10 PM
yeah indeed yes it does take time and sabr but I find that to be preferable to deception personally. It may be difficult to persuade them but thats a test for those in that situation, which I have been in that same situation myself to an extent. But we shouldnt under estimate the power of dua (the weapon of the believer). Going behind the back of the parents is quite a big deal, they will be so angry imagine if they find out.... say you done the nikah in secret, so ur all halal 4 each other 2 meet up etc, so of course the temptation is there to meet, and since its halal of course ur gna go for it, even if u tried to restrict it at first, blatantly people will feel tempted to hang around 2gta. Then u think ur doing it on the sly, but some auntie may notice u hanging around all the time 2gta then the word will go to the parents, the parents will be like "wat is this haram things u are doing having affairs with boys?!" they may blirt out the truth "its not haraam, we got married" the parent will be like "what? :mad: :mad: how dare you" they will be all smarmily backchatting like "yeh its ur fault we done it on the sly cos u wouldnt let us" and the whole situation would become explosive.
very dangerous in my opinion
ok then if theyre afraid of that situation and theyre afriad they will do sin in the intervening period then why dont they end it... :rolleyes:
hey what happened to that post about should the girl wait around for years for her husband .... didnt we all agree that she shouldnt and shld ditch him for someone who she can marry immediately..? someone find that thread man
.: Anna :.
11-04-06, 11:15 PM
yeah they could end it, sometimes easier said than done.
parents should just let their kids get married, not to delay for cultural reasons
Niqaabi
11-04-06, 11:23 PM
Me three...jazakullah khayr anna....
But hang on, im distracted by Niqaabis pic at the moment.....:rofl1: ....thats hilarious.........hmmm....But I wouldnt have thought you would have that pic Niqaabi????? lol
Hehe :D Just for jokes, too many "sisters abuse..." "sisters are fitnah..." "sisters spoil..." posts from brothers, thought id play along.
Plus now our ur_yusra feminazi has crossed onto the other side, i thought id take her place.
@)
Finding someone in this society is not a easy task, its in fact, a very difficult one. And if a brother or sister finds someone whome they sincerely wish to marry, and are suited...to simply end it because he/she or they cant have sabr, is really quite sad....
Allah can give people the strength to avoid fitna etc..its just a matter of being strong and making du'aa....and if you really want to marry that person, its worth it in the end....
But if the situation is really that severe, that patience, strength and convincing of parents are simply not enough, maybe they should end it instead of doing something like a secret nikah. But is the situation ever that severe????....
Hehe :D Just for jokes, too many "sisters abuse..." "sisters are fitnah..." "sisters spoil..." posts from brothers, thought id play along.
Plus now our ur_yusra feminazi has crossed onto the other side, i thought id take her place.
@)
LOL!!!.....no no, she is still well and truly a feminazi....so you are really one too!!!! She will be pleased ;) ...
No seriously, I love that pic...its so funny..and the drawing is so realistic!!!!!!!!
Niqaabi
11-04-06, 11:45 PM
Well some brothers just get on my nerves :rolleyes:
I think if the family are delaying the marriage due to 'cultural' or 'practical' reasons, then if the two individuals concerned are still determined to marry, they should try and have a very simple nikah. This happens a lot in Pakistan, where both families are committed to getting the couple married, but due to reasons such as the guy not being established in his line or work or the woman needing to finish her studies first, they have a little quiet nikah in the masjid and then do a 'rukhsati' (sending the bride away to live with her husband) about a year or so later with a big reception and celebration. The truth is, the rukhsati can be done whenever (after the nikah is out of the way), but it gives peace of mind to have the nikah done sooner rather than later.
vBulletin® v3.7.4, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.