View Full Version : 100 Premarital Questions.....
K h a l i l
09-08-07, 09:57 PM
*cough cough* looooollll :o yeh.. sure you would have! :rolleyes: :p
Some people- honestly.. too pedantic! :p (go buy yourself a dictionary or request one for eid- girls like intelligent men) :outta:
I would have honestly... well i would have tried my absolute best.. and if i was unable too well then.. she must have been... BUFF!!!
"go buy yourself a dictionary or request one for eid- girls like intelligent men"
Good advice :jkk:.. but im not looking for a girl... Im looking for a pious muslimah WIFE...;)
Abu Mus'ab
10-08-07, 01:48 PM
I would have honestly... well i would have tried my absolute best.. and if i was unable too well then.. she must have been... BUFF!!!
"go buy yourself a dictionary or request one for eid- girls like intelligent men"
Good advice :jkk:.. but im not looking for a girl... Im looking for a pious muslimah WIFE...;)
Ease up on the wife dreaming :smack: you're still a kid after all :outta:
Ease up on the wife dreaming :smack: you're still a kid after all :outta:
i tell ya.. kids these days!!! :rolleyes:
i tell ya.. kids these days!!! :rolleyes:
:( dont hate just cos youre ollddd man! :cool:
Na'eemah
10-08-07, 05:13 PM
Why wouldn't he pay it? :scratch: aren't you gonna be living in one house? :confused:
:scratch: Your response was unexpected, I would have thought most bros would say 'pay yer own bills' 'You aint getting jack blah blah' it was a joke Q neway :)
I don't really use my phone much,only top up a few times a year. (If its house phone, he can pay).
1 LOVE 1 DEEN
12-08-07, 07:34 AM
Asalamualaikum.
Alhamdulillah there are some really excellent questions that you have posted.
I think however rather than looking for the perfect answer to each of those Qs it would be wiser to try and assess the sincerity with which a person is answering them.
If you can find a partner who is sincere and genuine and who maybe doesn't quite fit the bill in terms of the answers they may give, you could still give them a chance. Maybe this could be a basis from which the relationship can prosper.
One could help the other as long as both are aspiring to achieve the same things in life and wanting the same out of there relationship together.
To be honest i hadn't even thought of some of those Qs and even then was thinking for a quite while before coming to an answer. The person on the receiving end could take it the wrong way but mashallah there are some really good ones in there.
So as someone mentioned earlier maybe an idea to choose the ones that are more important to you.
May Allah bless us all with the perfect spouse inshallah.
Bumped for sis safeena89:outta:
you can pick a selection of the ones that u want to ask, dont have to interrogate him!
afsalim
19-12-07, 06:53 AM
100 Premarital Questions
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/Q_Image.jpg
Not a perfect set of questions, but useful suggestions, for sure:
100 Premarital Questions
[sent by a subscriber]
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/A_Image.jpg
http://www.sunnipath.com/images/bism01.jpg
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
As you know most masjids now and Islamic communities are doing what is called premarital counseling...this is before engagement or nikkah or anything just for the 2 prospects to really know one another. There is usually an imam who does 3 sessions or even more of premarital counseling in which the 2 individuals have to respond to a series of questions. Below is 100 questions that might be asked of your future prospect...it is to your advantage (especially sisters) to give this to your future husband if be so that you can get a better understanding of him. However, I recommend that ya'll do it with an imam b/c it is less bias and the true colors come out.
When I went to ICNA this past weekend, they were talking about the importance of premarital counseling. Most states are doing it now so you might want to contact your local masjid and see if the imam or marriage counselor has something of the sort.
100 Premarital Questions
What is your concept of marriage?
Have you been married before?
Are you married now?
What are you expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?
If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?
How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?
What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
It'll be great to have the brother in a chair, in a dark room with a bright light over his head! "Do you believe in abortion?" WHIP ... "I asked you, do you believe in abortion?" WHIP
hanaa_al_muminah
20-12-07, 08:17 AM
loooooooooooooooooooooooooll @ äfsalim..
It'll be great to have the brother in a chair, in a dark room with a bright light over his head! "Do you believe in abortion?" WHIP ... "I asked you, do you believe in abortion?" WHIP
good idea, will show him the sister aint messing...and he better not either :D
Hisham Abu
20-12-07, 12:25 PM
I don't believe in this... It's just not natural.
I don't believe in this... It's just not natural.
dont worry, we'll tell the sis to take the light of your face now and again
sis_niqabi
20-12-07, 12:29 PM
dont worry, we'll tell the sis to take the light of your face now and again
lol!
Hisham Abu
20-12-07, 12:41 PM
dont worry, we'll tell the sis to take the light of your face now and again*smile* Jee, well thanks.
*smile* Jee, well thanks.
i dont think its a biggie for a bro to go thru that, i mean the husband will be making most of the decisions in their married life and she will most likely have to go along as he is the ameer (even though he should consult her before maing any decisions!), so why shouldnt she be sure and ask as many questions as she wants?
stop being a big girl's blouse
Hisham Abu
20-12-07, 12:55 PM
i dont think its a biggie for a bro to go thru that, i mean the husband will be making most of the decisions in their married life and she will most likely have to go along as he is the ameer (even though he should consult her before maing any decisions!), so why shouldnt she be sure and ask as many questions as she wants?
stop being a big girl's blouseDon't get me wrong, I agree that the sister should ask as many questions until her hearts content. But I don't believe in this “100 generic question printed off from the internet” thing. Each and every person is different, we are all unique and not one and the same. I feel it is very unnatural to print something off the net, since those questions are not always entirely going to reflect your own idea of a husband/wife, or what you are looking for.
Not withstanding that some of those questions cannot be answered, since there is no way of knowing. How can someone claim that he will do such and such in the future, when he doesn’t even know if he'll be alive tomorrow? And there are some question which a relative, how can someone claim to be romantic when they have never been in a romantic situation? Let alone how can he assure a sister, he is not in a romantic relationship with, that he will be romantic with once they are married. Whatever happen to marrying each other and learning from each other.
Like all other men I will easily be able to BS my way though every one of these questions, even if I don’t believe in them.
Don't get me wrong, I agree that the sister should ask as many questions until her hearts content. But I don't believe in this “100 generic question printed off from the internet” thing. Each and every person is different, we are all unique and not one and the same. I feel it is very unnatural to print something off the net, since those questions are not always entirely going to reflect your own idea of a husband/wife, or what you are looking for.
Not withstanding that some of those questions cannot be answered, since there is no way of knowing. How can someone claim that he will do such and such in the future, when he doesn’t even know if he'll be alive tomorrow? And there are some question which a relative, how can someone claim to be romantic when they have never been in a romantic situation? Let alone how can he assure a sister, he is not in a romantic relationship with, that he will be romantic with once they are married. Whatever happen to marrying each other and learning from each other.
Like all other men I will easily be able to BS my way though every one of those question, even if I don’t believe in them.
i agree, which is why i aksed the sister to pick some questions that she finds suitable to her...all dont apply to each individual, there are some very good questions that i wouold probably ask myself, in there (wether the boy tells the truth is another story, be they questions from here or her own) but there are also really silly ones on there.....its just common sense really..
Hisham Abu
20-12-07, 01:03 PM
i agree, which is why i aksed the sister to pick some questions that she finds suitable to her...all dont apply to each individual, there are some very good questions that i wouold probably ask myself, in there (wether the boy tells the truth is another story, be they questions from here or her own) but there are also really silly ones on there.....its just common sense really..That is true.
carol_au
20-12-07, 07:41 PM
From my experience and reading.. it's probably best to use question lists like this to guide YOU on what is important to you in a spouse. Once you have decided that .. use your wali, use your friends to help you find a husband/wife who is already exhibiting those things in their life.
You do get an idea of a person by the way they live their life, the people they spend time with, what they do with their spare time, how they relate to the opposite sex who are already halal for them.
Ask your friends to help you find answers to the questions that raise topics important to you and then develop some of your own to ask him/her directly.
For example if you are a sister who wants to learn more about your deen.. ask your wali and others who may know the brother if he is already learning about his.(and get evidence of this not just heresay) Then find out how he feels about his own sister for example attending lectures etc. (does she attend lectures?.. does he encourage her to attend lectures pr increase her knowledge?)
This will guide your own questions to him about how he would feel if you as his wife want to go to lectures and conferences and whether if he is actively seeking knowledge, he will be one with you in learning your deen together.
From the brothers perspective, if having a stay at home wife is important to you but the sister s in university studying, ask her wali how she is around the house. Does she go out alot when she is not studying? Is she content with being around her family or does she find this difficult? Move then to how important is her studies to her and the possiblity of continuing or not continuing to work after she is married.. does she put equal time in learning how to run a house as she does to learning her secular studies? Is she content with being in her home helping her mother.
You can come to a compromise if you know how much importance she places on her career .. or you can choose to look elsewhere if compromise can't be reached. Your questions to her can be based on reaching this compromise before it becomes an issue in marriage itself.
Someone wisely said somewhere recently.. live today as a single as if you were married. by seeing the way the interested brother/sister is already living their life, you will get a good idea of how they will live it if you are married to them.
From my experience and reading.. it's probably best to use question lists like this to guide YOU on what is important to you in a spouse. Once you have decided that .. use your wali, use your friends to help you find a husband/wife who is already exhibiting those things in their life.
You do get an idea of a person by the way they live their life, the people they spend time with, what they do with their spare time, how they relate to the opposite sex who are already halal for them.
Ask your friends to help you find answers to the questions that raise topics important to you and then develop some of your own to ask him/her directly.
For example if you are a sister who wants to learn more about your deen.. ask your wali and others who may know the brother if he is already learning about his.(and get evidence of this not just heresay) Then find out how he feels about his own sister for example attending lectures etc. (does she attend lectures?.. does he encourage her to attend lectures pr increase her knowledge?)
This will guide your own questions to him about how he would feel if you as his wife want to go to lectures and conferences and whether if he is actively seeking knowledge, he will be one with you in learning your deen together.
From the brothers perspective, if having a stay at home wife is important to you but the sister s in university studying, ask her wali how she is around the house. Does she go out alot when she is not studying? Is she content with being around her family or does she find this difficult? Move then to how important is her studies to her and the possiblity of continuing or not continuing to work after she is married.. does she put equal time in learning how to run a house as she does to learning her secular studies? Is she content with being in her home helping her mother.
You can come to a compromise if you know how much importance she places on her career .. or you can choose to look elsewhere if compromise can't be reached. Your questions to her can be based on reaching this compromise before it becomes an issue in marriage itself.
Someone wisely said somewhere recently.. live today as a single as if you were married. by seeing the way the interested brother/sister is already living their life, you will get a good idea of how they will live it if you are married to them.
agreed, exactly what i keep saying in this thread!
pick what questions suit u, use them only as a guide inshallah.
P.S. sis can u explain the last para, i dont think i understood it fully? :rubeyes: jazakallah
insomniac
20-12-07, 08:20 PM
i agree, which is why i aksed the sister to pick some questions that she finds suitable to her...all dont apply to each individual, there are some very good questions that i wouold probably ask myself, in there (wether the boy tells the truth is another story, be they questions from here or her own) but there are also really silly ones on there.....its just common sense really..
yeh worked perfectly well for me alhamdulillah :)
yeh worked perfectly well for me alhamdulillah :)
ooh u used it?? how many or which ones did u use (u dont have to say if u dont want to)
insomniac
20-12-07, 08:36 PM
ooh u used it?? how many or which ones did u use (u dont have to say if u dont want to)
- What are your expectations of marriage?
- Are you studying deen? do you have plans to?
- What role does culture play in your life?
- Do you read? If so what do you read?
- What are the things that you do in your free time?
- Do you support the idea of a working wife?
- Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
there were others but alhamdulillah those worked for me - and they were answered perfectly alhamdulillah :)
- What are your expectations of marriage?
- Are you studying deen? do you have plans to?
- What role does culture play in your life?
- Do you read? If so what do you read?
- What are the things that you do in your free time?
- Do you support the idea of a working wife?
- Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
- Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
there were others but alhamdulillah those worked for me - and they were answered perfectly alhamdulillah :)
that is an excellent selection sis, mashallah glad u succeeded with it!
- Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
eek, that's a tricky question. I never know what people mean by friend.
My mum considers friend anybody I say 'how are you?' to (if they're of the opposite sex), so I fall foul there.
Whereas, I split into acquaintances and best friends. Nobody in between...
eek, that's a tricky question. I never know what people mean by friend.
My mum considers friend anybody I say 'how are you?' to (if they're of the opposite sex), so I fall foul there.
Whereas, I split into acquaintances and best friends. Nobody in between...
if i asked that question to a suitor ,it would be in the sense, do u have females that u talk or meet with socially.... (:rolleyes:)
there is no need to have female friends or females u speak to for NO reason, which is normally the case most of the time. Man and woman cannot be friends full stop.
If he disagreed with me on that one then its a defo bye bye from me...next!
if i asked that question to a suitor ,it would be in the sense, do u have females that u talk or meet with socially.... (:rolleyes:)
there is no need to have female friends or females u speak to for NO reason, which is normally the case most of the time. Man and woman cannot be friends full stop.
If he disagreed with me on that one then its a defo bye bye from me...next!
ah, I agree, (that question is relevant to both brothers and sisters alike - women shouldn't have any men they talk (a lot) to either) -
I hope to God somebody I don't really like asks me that question, I'd love to lead 'em on a right old mental dance...the intricacies of logic, semantics and definitions...
insomniac
20-12-07, 09:13 PM
eek, that's a tricky question. I never know what people mean by friend.
My mum considers friend anybody I say 'how are you?' to (if they're of the opposite sex), so I fall foul there.
friends would be more than acquaintances, maybe phone conversations or just a guy with loads of friends that are girls is why that question would be important.
ah, I agree, (that question is relevant to both brothers and sisters alike - women shouldn't have any men they talk (a lot) to either) -
I hope to God somebody I don't really like asks me that question, I'd love to lead 'em on a right old mental dance...the intricacies of logic, semantics and definitions...
yes applies to both sexes but obviously i was speaking from a female perspective as im ...female.
ok u lost me on the last para already
insomniac
20-12-07, 09:27 PM
yes applies to both sexes but obviously i was speaking from a female perspective as im ...female.
ok u lost me on the last para already
what he means to say in plain English is that if he don't like a lass he'll make sure he reveals all and even exaggerate the answer so that he is seen as a 'loose man' I think :scratch:
that is an excellent selection sis, mashallah glad u succeeded with it!
alhamdulillah sis me too :)
what he means to say in plain English is that if he don't like a lass he'll make sure he reveals all and even exaggerate the answer so that he is seen as a 'loose man' I think :scratch:
or a loose woman....but no no no no. What I meant to say was launch into a philosophical discussion of the term 'friend', and what 'friendship' means to human beings. Why it is that friendship with the opposite sex invariable goes wrong, why, if human beings had a little more self-control, friendship with the opposite sex could be enlightening.
If that doesn't break a 'rishta', and send a potential spouse packin' - with a suitably good headache to remember the occasion by, I don't know what will.
On the other hand, if somebody manages to shut me up, and refutes my invariably stupid, if subtle, points, that'd clinch it, even if I didn't like them to begin with.
I think I'm rambling now...gd night.
what he means to say in plain English is that if he don't like a lass he'll make sure he reveals all and even exaggerate the answer so that he is seen as a 'loose man' I think :scratch:
joha u weirdo that is just plain evil what happened to good ol' "no's" :( no need to hurt the poor girl like that
insomniac
20-12-07, 09:42 PM
or a loose woman....but no no no no. What I meant to say was launch into a philosophical discussion of the term 'friend', and what 'friendship' means to human beings. Why it is that friendship with the opposite sex invariable goes wrong, why, if human beings had a little more self-control, friendship with the opposite sex could be enlightening.
If that doesn't break a 'rishta', and send a potential spouse packin' - with a suitably good headache to remember the occasion by, I don't know what will.
On the other hand, if somebody manages to shut me up, and refutes my invariably stupid, if subtle, points, that'd clinch it, even if I didn't like them to begin with.
I think I'm rambling now...gd night.
poor lass/lad would be extremely lucky to get away from you...
You'd be extremely unlucky if he/she found your smarta$$ comments to be extremely enlightening and wanted to marry you all the more :rotfl:
backfiring is fun
joha u weirdo that is just plain evil what happened to good ol' "no's" :( no need to hurt the poor girl like that
uh huh, I beg to differ, see how noble I am :p. I'd rather they think I'm the weirdo, (if quite clever - but let's not get arrogant) and reject me than face a no from me.
uh huh, I beg to differ, see how noble I am :p. I'd rather they think I'm the weirdo, (if quite clever - but let's not get arrogant) and reject me than face a no from me.
yeh and then months down the line ,she happens to be the BEST FRIEND of the girl u wanna marry.....wonder what good things she would say to her about u......Backfiring with a capital "B" i call that :D
carol_au
21-12-07, 12:46 AM
agreed, exactly what i keep saying in this thread!
pick what questions suit u, use them only as a guide inshallah.
P.S. sis can u explain the last para, i dont think i understood it fully? :rubeyes: jazakallah
sure sis..
For brothers and sisters who want to get married and are actively looking.. begin living today as if you were married then life won't be as challenging for you after marriage.
If you have been a brother used to doing your own thing.. coming and going with few restrictions and resposibilities start doing more around the house. Begin budgeting. Begin restricting what you do in your free time to things that can accomodate a wife and family.
If you are a sister and housework and cooking are not something you enjoy doing, begin looking at how to make it more pleaseant a task. If you want a husband to help you learn your deen or even Arabic.. don't wait till he comes along. Show him before he is interested in you that you see this as an important role he will have in the family, but don't leave it till you are with him. to begin.
Spend time with your sisters learning new recipes and new ways of cleaning house to make things easy for you and so you don't waste money on products that don't work.
Both brothers and sisters can look at married couples they know and learn from them both the good and the things they would change in their own marriage.
Both brothers and sisters should take note of the things in their personality that might cause a problem for their spouse and inshaAllah begin asking Allah to help you . If you have an anger problem.. read about how to over come it and begin working on it. If you have a problem with self pity.. begin working on it befoe you get married.. Even becoming aware of your personality is a good thing at this stage. That is the personality you will ask another person to live with if you marry them.
If you want a career you begin not only studying but gaining valuable experience in related areas to help you meet your goals. Shouldn't we get ready for marriage in the same way and with as much thought and preparation inshaAllah?
sure sis..
For brothers and sisters who want to get married and are actively looking.. begin living today as if you were married then life won't be as challenging for you after marriage.
If you have been a brother used to doing your own thing.. coming and going with few restrictions and resposibilities start doing more around the house. Begin budgeting. Begin restricting what you do in your free time to things that can accomodate a wife and family.
If you are a sister and housework and cooking are not something you enjoy doing, begin looking at how to make it more pleaseant a task. If you want a husband to help you learn your deen or even Arabic.. don't wait till he comes along. Show him before he is interested in you that you see this as an important role he will have in the family, but don't leave it till you are with him. to begin.
Spend time with your sisters learning new recipes and new ways of cleaning house to make things easy for you and so you don't waste money on products that don't work.
Both brothers and sisters can look at married couples they know and learn from them both the good and the things they would change in their own marriage.
Both brothers and sisters should take note of the things in their personality that might cause a problem for their spouse and inshaAllah begin asking Allah to help you . If you have an anger problem.. read about how to over come it and begin working on it. If you have a problem with self pity.. begin working on it befoe you get married.. Even becoming aware of your personality is a good thing at this stage. That is the personality you will ask another person to live with if you marry them.
If you want a career you begin not only studying but gaining valuable experience in related areas to help you meet your goals. Shouldn't we get ready for marriage in the same way and with as much thought and preparation inshaAllah?
oh right i gotcha, thats a good piece of advice, jazakallah sis
insomniac
26-12-07, 05:37 PM
sure sis..
For brothers and sisters who want to get married and are actively looking.. begin living today as if you were married then life won't be as challenging for you after marriage.
If you have been a brother used to doing your own thing.. coming and going with few restrictions and resposibilities start doing more around the house. Begin budgeting. Begin restricting what you do in your free time to things that can accomodate a wife and family.
If you are a sister and housework and cooking are not something you enjoy doing, begin looking at how to make it more pleaseant a task. If you want a husband to help you learn your deen or even Arabic.. don't wait till he comes along. Show him before he is interested in you that you see this as an important role he will have in the family, but don't leave it till you are with him. to begin.
Spend time with your sisters learning new recipes and new ways of cleaning house to make things easy for you and so you don't waste money on products that don't work.
Both brothers and sisters can look at married couples they know and learn from them both the good and the things they would change in their own marriage.
Both brothers and sisters should take note of the things in their personality that might cause a problem for their spouse and inshaAllah begin asking Allah to help you . If you have an anger problem.. read about how to over come it and begin working on it. If you have a problem with self pity.. begin working on it befoe you get married.. Even becoming aware of your personality is a good thing at this stage. That is the personality you will ask another person to live with if you marry them.
If you want a career you begin not only studying but gaining valuable experience in related areas to help you meet your goals. Shouldn't we get ready for marriage in the same way and with as much thought and preparation inshaAllah?
:jkk: sis :)
100 Premarital Questions
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
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Not a perfect set of questions, but useful suggestions, for sure:
100 Premarital Questions
[sent by a subscriber]
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In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
As you know most masjids now and Islamic communities are doing what is called premarital counseling...this is before engagement or nikkah or anything just for the 2 prospects to really know one another. There is usually an imam who does 3 sessions or even more of premarital counseling in which the 2 individuals have to respond to a series of questions. Below is 100 questions that might be asked of your future prospect...it is to your advantage (especially sisters) to give this to your future husband if be so that you can get a better understanding of him. However, I recommend that ya'll do it with an imam b/c it is less bias and the true colors come out.
When I went to ICNA this past weekend, they were talking about the importance of premarital counseling. Most states are doing it now so you might want to contact your local masjid and see if the imam or marriage counselor has something of the sort.
100 Premarital Questions
What is your concept of marriage?
Have you been married before?
Are you married now?
What are you expectations of marriage?
What are your goals in life? (long and short term)
Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
What is the role of religion in your life now?
Are you a spiritual person?
What is your understanding of an Islamic marriage?
What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
What is your relationship between yourself and the Muslims community in your area?
Are you volunteering in any Islamic activities?
What can you offer your zawj (spouse), spiritually?
What is the role of the husband?
What is the role of the wife?
Do you want to practice polygamy?
What is your relationship with your family?
What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
Is there anyone in your family living with you now?
Are you planning to have anyone in your family live with you in the future?
If, for any reason, my relationship with your family turns sour, what should be done?
Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
How did you get to know them?
Why are they your friends?
What do you like most about them?
What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
What is the level of your relationship with them now?
What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?
What are the things that you do in your free time?
Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
What is your opinion of speaking other languages in home that I do not understand? (with friends or family)
Do you travel?
How do you spend your vacations?
How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
Do you read?
What do you read?
After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic feelings verbally?
After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
Do you like to write your feelings?
If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
If someone has wronged you, how do you want (s)he to apologize to you?
How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
Do you use foul language at home? In public? With family?
Do your friends use foul language?
Does your family use foul language?
How do you express anger?
How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
What do you do when you are angry?
When do you think it is appropriate to initiate mediation in marriage?
When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how should the conflict get resolved?
Define mental, verbal, emotional and physical abuse.
What would you do if you felt that you had been abused?
Who would you call for assistance if you were being abused?
Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
How do you support your own health and nutrition?
What is you definition of wealth?
How do you spend money?
How do you save money?
How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
Do you use credit cards?
Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
Do you support the idea of a working wife?
If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters and/or maids?
Do you want to have children? If not, how come?
To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
Do you believe in abortion?
Do you have children now?
What is your relationship with your children now?
What is your relationship with their other parent?
What relationship do you expect your spouse to have with your children and their parent?
What is the best method(s) of raising children?
What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
How were you raised?
How were you disciplined?
Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
Do you believe in public school for your children?
Do you believe in Islamic school for your children?
Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
What type of relationship should your children have with non-Muslim classmates/friends?
Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all their grandparents?
If there are members of my family that are not Muslim, that are of different race or culture, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
Wow! :rubeyes:
Do you actually sit down and ask him all these questions? It's more like an interrogation. :eek3:
insomniac
26-12-07, 05:46 PM
Wow! :rubeyes:
Do you actually sit down and ask him all these questions? It's more like an interrogation. :eek3:
:insha: ask the most relevant ones :up:
:insha: ask the most relevant ones :up:
In my opinion they are ALL relevant....just far too much. It'll probably scare the brother/sister away. :rubeyes:
Ibn Khattab
26-12-07, 06:03 PM
if the bro cant hack 100 questions, he might as well forget getting married and stay single becos he gna be dealing with a whole load more when he does :D
if the bro cant hack 100 questions, he might as well forget getting married and stay single becos he gna be dealing with a whole load more when he does :D
Same thing also applies to the sisters :rolleyes:
After answering a question, just say, 'and you?'
That should rapidly reduce the number you get asked.
After answering a question, just say, 'and you?'
That should rapidly reduce the number you get asked.
if i started of with the intention to ask only a few and he went onto say "and you" everytime *sigh* :rolleyes:
i would see that as a challenge, change my mind and ask the whole batch. :D
I dont like clever clogs :rolleyes:
insomniac
07-08-08, 06:43 AM
bump
:salams
Wow, some really good questions discussed on this thread, with great advice. :up:
I think if a Brother/Sister sat through however long it takes to answer these questions, and answered each one patiently and equally in terms of the level of thinking used (obviously has to be a good standard), that would say a lot for his/her character, Masha-Allah. :coolbro: :coolsis:
Though I have had no experience with this, using the way I get to know people and judge whether I want them to become a "friend" (I don't have many, my definition of a "friend" is somewhat different to the majority of the people I know, too picky :p ), i.e. the questions I ask, what we talk about, resulting in her revealing her mentality, I would say an open conversation - in terms of topics covered, with some questions is the best way to finding out what the person is really like. :up:
When I say "open topic", I mean - I don't know whether this applies to you, but I tend to think a lot and I am one of those people who are interested in a great variety of things & in looking for a spouse, I would want him to be similar in this regard; because I want someone I can talk to about those little random things (mostly classed as philosophical musings) going on in my head, pertaining to bigger things that are bothering me - I want him to be bothered enough and intelligent enough to care, make those links, and understand the majority despite the range of topics they may cover. I don't expect him to be educated in every single subject :rolleyes: , I just expect him to be the type to read a lot. :inlove: I'd like that because I am like that; and to have that back would be fair, haha. :D
These are some random questions to initiate conversation - the "open topic" one, such as:
- What type of books do you read?
- What did you think of this particular book?
- What did you think about this/that? (current affairs related)
- Have you ever had this thought? (pertaining to philosophy or something you thought about recently)
- What did you think about this thought? (related to above question)
- Blah de blah...
Such questions as the above reveal so much about a person. And all these questions are meant to be "on the spot" questions, so as to avoid pre-thought out answers and help from others. ;)
I could never marry someone with limited interests, Insha-Allah I won't...
bump
:jkk: for "bumping" this thread. :)
Way way way wayyyyyyy too many questions, I asked mine I think 10 questions and it was enough. :up:
people,as has been said before, you dont need to ask all 100 questions (if you do then im sure you had a good reason to), it is to give you a guideline to pick and choose what you might think is important and needs to be asked.
If someone asked the potential,all of those 100 questions,the only thing left to do would be shining a light in their face!
insomniac
07-08-08, 01:44 PM
I reckon this should be made a sticky in the marriage thread - also with the note that 'choose the questions that suit you'
AslanShamil1915
07-08-08, 06:08 PM
of course you dont ask them all at the same time!!!!!
Logic please :D she will get freaked out if you ask all at once lol
slowly yet faithfully ask them :D
but i think the questions were exactly what people need to know.
I reckon this should be made a sticky in the marriage thread - also with the note that 'choose the questions that suit you'
yeh put a request to mods, im sure they will oblige
insomniac
10-08-08, 12:34 AM
yeh put a request to mods, im sure they will oblige
:insha:
have done so :)
.: emerald :.
11-08-08, 04:41 PM
:salams,
:rotfl:
looooooooooool
:o Sorry I just find these questions funny
:rotfl:
:smack:
:outta:
If I ask will you mind if I play computer games alot, the meeting will end ASAP? lol
sis_sarah
24-08-08, 10:59 PM
If I ask will you mind if I play computer games alot, the meeting will end ASAP? lol
lol nah nt necesserily bro
i mean i know the above questions seem proper proper serious but adding a little humour doesnt matter, also if its an honest question to you then why not ask it?
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