Need advice, on marriage.

[slaveofalmajeed]

Salaam

Please can someone post what the procedures on marriage are?

Or post a link?

I need info on how to approach a family to ask for their daughters hand.

What is needed in terms of dowry.

What cermonies are needed to be done, i.e nika walima etc.

Please, help a brother out.

Wsalaam

:up:

[BubbleGum]

Ya Know, this would make a great thread in the Sisters' Forum.

Then again.. It is probably a very old and long thread in the Sisters' Forum. :inlove:


Although I have been married for 17 (or is it 18?) years, I probably can't help you. I am not Muslim. My culture has differences in the way we negatiate marriage. But I wish you Good Fortune.

~Bub

[arab_angel]

i just have to say...
if you are going to approach the parents of a wannabe wife,
then inshaallah i hope it all goes well for you.
may allah grant you happiness in this life and the here after.

[muslim_sis]

Salaam

Please can someone post what the procedures on marriage are?

Or post a link?

I need info on how to approach a family to ask for their daughters hand.

What is needed in terms of dowry.

What cermonies are needed to be done, i.e nika walima etc.

Please, help a brother out.

Wsalaam

:up:
heres some advise ... look at how the prophet gave his daughter away , how ali (ra) proposed to fatima .... a few tips at the bottom also , inshallah it'l be helpful....

The Wedding of Faatimah (ra)
By Moulana M. Saleem Dhorat

[with notes (in blue) from the webmaster @ themodernreligion.com]


Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) was the youngest daughter of our beloved Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Out of all the children, she was the most beloved to him. He said, 'The Queen of the ladies in Jannat is Faatimah.' He also said, 'Faatimah is part of my body. Whoever grieves her, grieves me.'

When Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) remained irresponsive.

Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu), who was 21 at the time, says: It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, 'How could this be accomplished, for I possess nothing.' At last, encouraged by the Prophet's kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marry Faatima (Radhiyallaahu Anha). The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) was extremely pleased and asked, 'Ali! Do you possess anything to give her in Mahr?' I replied, 'Apart from a horse and an armour I possess nothing.'

The Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, 'A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.'

So, Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) went and sold his armour to Uthmaan (Radhiallaahu Anhu) for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam). Bilaal (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was ordered by the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was sent to call Abu Bakr, Uthmaan, Talhah, Zubayr with some companions from the Ansaar (Radhiallaahu Anhum).

When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) recited the Khutbah (sermon) of Nikaah and gave Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) in marriage to Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu). He announced, 'Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Faatimah in marriage to Ali for 400 Mithqaal of silver and Ali has accepted.' He then raised his head and made Dua saying, 'O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Bless them and bestow upon them good children.' after the Nikaah, dates were distributed.

When the time came for Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) to go to Ali's (Radhiallaahu Anhu) house, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry, accompanied by Umm Ayman (Radhiallaahu Anhu). After the Eesha Salaat, the Prophet (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) went to their house, took permission and entered. He asked for a basin of water, put his blessed hands into it and sprinkled it on both Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) and Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Anha) and made Dua for them.

The sovereign of both worlds gave his beloved daughter a silver bracelet, two Yemeni sheets, four mattresses, one blanket, one pillow, one cup, one hand-grinding mill, one bedstead, a small water skin and a leather pitcher.
In this simple fashion, the wedding of the daughter of the leader of the worlds was solemnised. In following this Sunnah method, a wedding becomes very simple and easy to fulfill.


SOME METHODS DERIVED FROM THE ABOVEMENTIONED MARRIAGE



"Engagements" are contrary to the Sunnah. A verbal proposal and answer is sufficient.

To unnecessarily delay Nikah of both the boy and the girl after having reached the age of marriage is incorrect. (Note: But on the other hand, some parents pray day and night endlessly for a quick marriage to a good-looking, highly educated, well-off person who comes from a grand family of great repute...in the case of a groom, a groom with a high-flying job, etc. The minute we find such a groom or bride, we jump to grab him/her. But how many of us spend sleepless nights praying not for a speedy grand marriage but a marriage which is filled with love, happiness, blessings and piety?)

There is nothing wrong in inviting one's close associates for the occasion of Nikah. However, no special pains should be taken in gathering the people from far off places. (Note: The money could instead be spent in charity, to gain the blessings of the poor.)

It is appropriate that the bridegroom be a few years older than the bride. (Note: The Prophet's first marriage was to Khadija (ra), who was 15 years older than him. She was a widower and he was a virgin. They were so happy together that he did not remarry until she passed away, even though polygamy was widely practised during that time - before the advent of Islam)

If the father of the girl is an Aalim or pious and capable of performing Nikah, then he should himself solemnise the marriage.

It is better to give the Mahr Faatimi and one should endeavour to do so. But if one does not have the means then there is nothing wrong in giving less. (Note: The dowry is an obligation upon the groom's family, not the bride's family!)

It is totally un-Islamic for those, who do not possess the means, to incur debts in order to have grandiose weddings. (Note: On the contrary, weddings are arranged on such a grand basis that often parents cannot perform obligatory acts like Hajj for the next few years because they lack funds, which were spent on the weddings of their children)

It is fallacy to think that one's respect will be lost if one does not hold an extravagant wedding and invite many people. What is our respect compared to that of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam)? (Note: We spend thousands of dollars to impress people. We are sentimental - "I want my daughter/son to have the best." However, think about it this way...the people you impress will forget the wedding after a few weeks, your daughter/son's marital happiness may float on the extravagance of her/his wedding for a short while but ultimately, it will depend on just one thing: God. What is the use angering and disappointing God when it is His blessings, and nothing else - not even the grandest, most impressive wedding, that will ensure your children are happy? Ask yourself, are you getting your children married so you can show off and enjoy a grand wedding or because you want your children to experience happy, guided and blessed married lives?)


The present day practice of the intermingling of sexes is an act of sin and totally against Shariah. (Note: Teenagers and young adults, if prompted, will admit the level of flirting, 'checking out' and showing off that goes on during weddings, where everyone is dressed to put on a show, not to watch a wedding take place.)

There is nothing such as engagement parties and Mehndi parties in Islam. (Note: Another source attests that a simple gathering of women and girls to apply mehndi or henna on the bride is allowed)

Great care must be taken as regards to Salaat on occasions of marriage by all - the bride, the bridegroom and all the participants. (Note: On the contrary, the bride misses her prayer because her make-up will be washed away if she performs ablution...guests who are also dressed up delay their prayers for similar reasons. The couple and guests should perform ablution before going to the wedding and should perform their prayers there. The organisers of the wedding should also make arrangements for guests to perform their prayers. How can we expect our marriages to be successful and blessed if we abandon the first pillar of Islam, in pursuit of the perfect wedding?)

It is un-Islamic to display the bride on stage. (Note: If she adorns herself and dresses up, it should be for her own satisfaction, her family's happiness and for her husband - not for hundreds of male wedding guests that will come to have a look at her. The bride should not be treated like a trophy - all dolled up, sitting quietly on a stage for all to see, pretending to be reserved and shy (as is the custom and culture) - this is demeaning for she is a thinking individual - not something to decorate and show off.)

The unnecessary expenses incurred by the bride's family in holding a feast has no basis in Shariah. (Note: The Islamic tradition is for the bride's family to hold a simple nikah ceremony where the marriage contract is signed. The big feast should only take place as the walima, which is the obligation of the groom's family. Sadly, often low-income parents of young girls delay getting their daughters married because they feel pressed by society to throw a big feast.)

For the engaged couple to meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring on her finger is a violation of the Qurãnic law of Hijaab. (Note: It is rather funny - in most cultures, a man and woman get engaged and they spend time together like they are already married. But as soon as the nikah takes place, they are told to stay separate and maintain 'modesty'. In many cultures, the nikah takes place in the morning and the wedding reception at night or several weeks or even months, later. Strangely, the same couple who was engaged and mixing freely, is not allowed to mix freely between the nikah and the wedding reception thrown by the bride's family. It is as ridiculous as the Western concept of mixing freely before and after the engagement but as soon as the bride puts on her wedding dress, it's bad luck for the groom to see her! In Islam, the engagement is not a licence to mix freely - the nikah is. It is as good as getting married and the couple can do everything together and have the wedding reception and the walima later.)

It is un-Islamic for the engaged couple to meet each other and also go out together. (Note: In this day and age, every other person around us could be a weirdo. We rarely become engaged to the children of families that we know very well so it is difficult to find out what kind of a person we are getting married to. Certain scholars attests that meeting, in the presence of Mahram men, and getting to know each other, within the rules set by the Quran is allowed.)

Three things should be borne in mind when giving one's daughter gifts and presents at the time of Nikah:
Presents should be given within one's means (it is not permissible to take loans, on interest for such presents);
To give necessary items;
A show should not be made of whatever is given.

It is Sunnat for the bridegroom's family to make Walimah. In Walimah, whatever is easily available should be fed to the people and care should be taken that the is no extravagance, show and that no debts are incurred in the process.

To delay Nikah after the engagement is un-Islamic.
In applying Western and Hindu methods sheepishly, Muslims have adopted many customs which are un-Islamic and frowned upon.

Some examples are:



Displaying the bride on stage;

Inviting guests for the wedding from far off places;

Receiving guests in the hall; (Note: The Mosque is the center of life for true Muslims and weddings should be held there. According to the Tradition of the Prophet(S.A.W.) marriages performed in the House of Allah, immediately preceded and followed by prayers, will attract the maximum of Allah's Blessings. Obviously, people know very well that the mosque is no place for the unIslamic cultural practices they promote at their weddings and so make alternative arrangements.)

The bride's people incurring unnecessary expenses by holding a feast which has no basis in Shariah. We should remember that Walimah is the feast arranged by the bridegroom after the marriage is consummated.
It is contrary to Sunnah (and the practice of some non-Muslim tribes in India) to wish, hope for or demand presents and gifts for the bridegroom, from the bride's people. We should always remember that our Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) did not give Ali (Radhiallaahu Anhu) anything except Dua. (Note: Unfortunately, the fathers of millions of daughters across the world, especially South Asia, incur debts and become poor and miserable because 'culture' pressurises them to give dowry to their future son-in-laws. Some girls are forced to remain single for years because they cannot afford the dowry - some commit suicide, as do their desperate fathers. In parts of South Asia, dowry-murders, among Hindu families, are commonplace whereby a new bride is tortured or murdered by her in laws because her family did not give a large enough dowry. This is completely UnIslamic - the dowry or Mahr is to come from the groom to the bride, not the other way around.)
http://www.weneedtounite.com/wedding1.htm

[slaveofalmajeed]

JAzakallah!!!

[Mr_Jailer]

I got some questions on marriage.

The groom buys clothes for the bride to wear, like a lengha, is that an Islamic practice?

Is the groom obliged to give the bride gold jewellry and clothes? If not, what should be given ideally.

What does the brides family give apart from their daughter?

[Mr_Jailer]

Culturally, on a Saturday, the bride holds a walimah / party? The the bride moves in with groom, and on Sunday the groom holds a feast... is this correct?

[PaGaL~LaDo0]

dltd.....

[Mr_Jailer]

mendi
nikah
shaadi
walimah

d@z 0w it apnz dwn r endz 0o0o0o n da lak week b4 da weddin lak nrly evry nite dey ave a gt togethr @ da brdez 0uze juz vid fam/cuznz/m8z 0nli 4 grlz

walimahs da b0yz prty innit....

weddinz r da b0mb....

Thanks, was tryin' to distinguish the islamic from the hindu.

[PaGaL~LaDo0]

Thanks, was tryin' to distinguish the islamic from the hindu.


dam man u g0t der b4 i dltd it :D huh v0t hindu???

[muslim_sis]

I got some questions on marriage.

1.The groom buys clothes for the bride to wear, like a lengha, is that an Islamic practice?

2.Is the groom obliged to give the bride gold jewellry and clothes? If not, what should be given ideally.

3.What does the brides family give apart from their daughter?

1.what do u mean he buys her clothes to wear on wedding day or just in general ? either way is permissable in islam ...

2.the groom has to give her mahr (dowry) for the nikah to be complete, the mahr is whatever the sis asks for , can be jewellery, clothes, money, anything.

3. lol appart from the bride ... give for what , a walima , nikah or wat ? the mans side are meant to feed guests etc and organise ...

inshallah i'll post sumin up on this ..

[muslim_sis]

Question: Can you please explain the various aspects related to Walima (marriage feast) in detail?
Answer: In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful, The Arabic word Walima (marriage banquet) is derived from the root word Walam, which literally means to gather and assemble. The Arabs used it for a meal or feast where people were invited and gathered. Later, the term became exclusive for the wedding banquet.
The Arabs used different terms for the various feasts they enjoyed. For example: al-I’zar on the occasion of a child’s circumcision, al-Khurs for a marriage not ending in divorce, al-Wakira on building a new home, al-Naqi’ah when a traveller returns home, al-Aqiqah on the seventh day after childbirth, al-Ma’duba for a general meal without any specific reason, etc. (See: Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, 9/300 & Ibn Qudamah, al-Mugni, 7/1)
The marriage feast (walima) is a Sunna of our beloved Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace). It is an outward expression of gratitude and pleasure and a great means of publicising the marriage, which has been greatly encouraged.
Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) saw a yellow mark on Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (Allah be pleased with) and said: “What’s this?” He replied: “I have married a woman with the dowry being gold to the weight of a date-stone.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “May Allah bless you (in your marriage), perform a Walima, even if it is only with a goat.” (Sahih al-Bukhari,no. 4872)
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself provided a Walima after many of his marriages. He provided meat and bread on the occasion of his marriage with Zaynab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her), Hays (a type of sweat-dish cooked with dates, cheese & butter) on the occasion of his marriage with Safiyya (Allah be pleased with her) and barley on another occasion. (See: Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)
Thus, it is a Sunna and strongly recommended to have a Walima. Ibn Qudamah, the great Hanbali Imam, states in his renowned al-Mugni:
“There is no difference of opinion between the scholars, in that Walima is a prescribed Sunnah at the time of marriage, for the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) ordered it and himself practiced it…..It is not necessary (wajib) in the opinion of most of the scholars.” (al-Mugni, 7/1-2)
The time of Walima
The scholars have disagreed as to the correct time of this Walima. There are many opinions. For example:
1) At the time of the marriage contract,
2) After the marriage contract and before consummation of marriage,
3) At the time of the wedding procession (bride leaving for her husband’s house) (Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari, 9/287)
However, the majority of the scholars (jumhur) are of the opinion that Walima is a meal that is prepared after the marriage has been consummated. This was the practice of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), as explicitly mentioned in one narration.
Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that he was a boy of ten when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) migrated to Madina. (He added): “My mother and aunts used to urge me to serve the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) regularly, thus I served him for ten years. When the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) passed away, I was twenty years old, and I knew about the order of Hijab more than anyone else, when it was revealed. It was revealed for the first time when the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) had consummated his marriage with Zainab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her). The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) in the morning was a bridegroom, and he invited the people to a banquet. So they came, ate, and then all left except a few who remained with the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) for a long time….. (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4871)
Sayyiduna Anas (Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) consummated his marriage with a woman (Zainab), so he sent me to invite people for a meal.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4875)
The great Hadith master (hafidh), Ibn Hajar al-Asqalani (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“The Hadith of Anas (quoted above) is clear in determining that Walima is considered to be after the consummation of marriage.” (Fath al-Bari, 9/199. Also see: I’la al-Sunan, vol. 10, p. 11)
It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:
“The marriage banquet (walima) is a Sunna and there is great reward in it. And it is carried out when the marriage is consummated.” (al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya, 5/343)
Having said this, scholars mention that there is also scope in following the other opinions, thus if one had a Walima before consummation, it is hoped that one will gain the reward of Sunna, Insha Allah.
How many days?
The Hanafi jurists (fuqaha) are of the opinion that, a banquet up to two days will be considered to be a Walima, after which it will no longer be considered a Walima.
It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:
“There is nothing wrong in inviting people the next day after consummation or the day after. After that, marriage and Walima celebrations will come to an end.” (5/343)
It has also been reported from the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) that he stated: “Walima on the first day is confirmed (haq), and on the second day, it is good (ma’ruf), and on the third day, it is showing off.” (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 3738)
Although scholars mention that if there is a need, such as not being able to invite everybody on one day, then it will not be wrong to invite them on separate days.
Who should be invited?
Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) states: “The worst food is that of a wedding banquet (walima) to which only the rich are invited whilst the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4882)
It is stated in al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya:
“It is recommended to invite neighbours, relatives and friends.” (5/343)
Thus, one should invite family-members, relatives, friends, associates, scholars and pious people and others. It is wrong to invite only rich people or those who are regarded to be from the upper-class.
Accepting a Walima invitation
Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “If one of you is invited to a wedding banquet (walima), then he must accept the invitation.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4878)
Sayyiduna Abd Allah ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Accept this (marriage) invitation if you are invited to it.” And Abd Allah ibn Umar used to accept the invitation whether to a wedding banquet or to any other feast, even when he was fasting. (Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 4884)
Due to the above and other narrations, many scholars regard the acceptance of a Walima invitation to be binding, and one will be sinful for refusing it.
The great Hadith and Sahfi’i scholar, Imam al-Nawawi (Allah have mercy on him) has mentioned various opinions of the scholars in this regard:
1) It is personally obligatory (fard ayn), except if there is an excuse,
2) It is a general obligation (fard kifaya)
3) It is recommended (mandub) (See: Nawawi, al-Minhaj, Sharh Sahih Muslim, 1080)
In the Hanafi Madhhab, the preferred opinion is that, accepting a Walima invitation is an emphatic Sunna (sunna al-Mu’akkada), and accepting other invitations is recommended (mandub). This is in normal cases, for if there is a valid reason, one will be excused from not attending.
Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states:
“The (hanafi) scholars have differed as to the ruling of accepting a Walima invitation. Some have stated that it is necessary (wajib), in that it is impermissible to refuse. However the majority of the scholars mention that it is a Sunna. It is better to accept it if it is a Walima invitation, otherwise (on other occasions) one has a choice to accept it, and to accept it would be better, because it creates joy and happiness in the heart of a Muslim.
When one accepts the invitation and attends the party, one has fulfilled the responsibility, regardless of whether one ate or otherwise, although it is better to eat if one is not fasting……It is stated in al-Ikhtiyar: “A Walima is an established Sunna. The one who does not accept it would be sinful, for the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him& give him peace) said: “He who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace).” If one is fasting, then one should attend and make Dua, and if not, then one should eat and make Dua. However, if one neither eats nor attends, then one will be sinful….
This indicates that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, contrary to meals and invitations on other occasions. Some commentators of al-Hidaya have declared that it is close to being a Wajib.” (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar ala al-Durr, 6/349)
In light of Ibn Abidin’s explanation, it becomes clear that accepting a Walima invitation is Sunna al-Mu’akkada, and one must accept it. Refusing to attend will be offensive if not sinful, provided one does not have an excuse, and also that one was specifically invited to the Walima.
Simplicity
Finally, it should be remembered that, the simpler the Walima (and the marriage ceremony as a whole) is kept, the better it will be. At times, people spend thousands upon thousands in feeding people, a sum which can be used for other indispensable needs of the Muslims. And if the intention behind spending such an amount is to show-off, then this will be regarded a grave sin.
The idea here is to feed people with sincerity and simplicity. If one feeds people with the simplest of meals but it is from the heart, that is far better (and the food is also more enjoyable) than feeding them quality food, where the intention is not so sincere.
Sayyida A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “The most blessed marriage (nikah) is the one with the least expenses.” (al-Bayhaqi in his Shu’ab al-Iman & Mishkat al-Masabih).

[muslim_sis]

An-Nikah
The Marriage
__________________________

Mutual Agreement of Bride and Groom

Marriage (nikah) is a solemn and sacred social contract between bride and groom. This contract is a strong covenant (mithaqun Ghalithun) as expressed in Quran 4:21). The marriage contract in Islam is not a sacrament. It is revocable.

Both parties mutually agree and enter into this contract. Both bride and groom have the liberty to define various terms and conditions of their liking and make them a part of this contract.

Mahr

The marriage-gift (Mahr) is a divine injunction. The giving of mahr to the bride by the groom is an essential part of the contract.

'And give the women (on marriage) their mahr as a (nikah) free gift" (Quran 4:4)

Mahr is a token commitment of the husband's responsibility and may be paid in cash, property or movable objects to the bride herself. The amount of mahr is not legally specified, however, moderation according to the existing social norm is recommended. The mahr may be paid immediately to the bride at the time of marriage, or deferred to a later date, or a combination of both. The deferred mahr however, falls due in case of death or divorce.

One matrimonial party expresses 'ijab" willing consent to enter into marriage and the other party expresses 'qubul" acceptance of the responsibility in the assembly of marriage ceremony. The contract is written and signed by the bride and the groom and their two respective witnesses. This written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) is then announced publicly.

Sermon

The assembly of nikah is addressed with a marriage sermon (khutba-tun-nikah) by the Muslim officiating the marriage. In marriage societies, customarily, a state appointed Muslim judge (Qadi) officiates the nikah ceremony and keeps the record of the marriage contract. However any trust worthy practicing Muslim can conduct the nikah ceremony, as Islam does not advocate priesthood. The documents of marriage contract/certificate are filed with the mosque (masjid) and local government for record.

Prophet Muhammad (S) made it his tradition (sunnah) to have marriage sermon delivered in the assembly to solemnize the marriage. The sermon invites the bride and the groom, as well as the participating guests in the assembly to a life of piety, mutual love, kindness, and social responsibility.

The Khutbah-tun-Nikah begins with the praise of Allah. His help and guidance is sought. The Muslim confession of faith that 'There is none worthy of worship except Allah and Muhammad is His servant and messenger" is declared. The three Quranic verses (Quran 4:1, 3:102, 33:70-71) and one Prophetic saying (hadith) form the main text of the marriage. This hadith is:

'By Allah! Among all of you I am the most God-fearing, and among you all, I am the supermost to save myself from the wrath of Allah, yet my state is that I observe prayer and sleep too. I observe fast and suspend observing them; I marry woman also. And he who turns away from my Sunnah has no relation with me". (Bukhari)

The Muslim officiating the marriage ceremony concludes the ceremony with prayer (Dua) for bride, groom, their respective families, the local Muslim community, and the Muslim community at large (Ummah)

Marriage (nikah) is considered as an act of worship (ibadah). It is virtuous to conduct it in a Mosque keeping the ceremony simple. The marriage ceremony is a social as well as a religious activity. Islam advocates simplicity in ceremonies and celebrations.

Prophet Muhammad (S) considered simple weddings the best weddings:

'The best wedding is that upon which the least trouble and expense is bestowed". (Mishkat)

Primary Requirements
1) Mutual agreement (Ijab-O-Qubul) by the bride and the groom
2) Two adult and sane witnesses
3) Mahr (marriage-gift) to be paid by the groom to the bride either immediately (muajjal) or deferred (muakhkhar), or a combination of both
Secondary Requirements
1) Legal guardian (wakeel) representing the bride
2) Written marriage contract ("Aqd-Nikah) signed by the bride and the groom and witnesses by two adult and sane witnesses
3) Qadi (State appointed Muslim judge) or Ma'zoon (a responsible person officiating the marriage ceremony)
4) Khutba-tun-Nikah to solemnize the marriage

The Marriage Banquet (Walima)

After the consummation of the marriage, the groom holds a banquet called a walima. The relatives, neighbors, and friends are invited in order to make them aware of the marriage. Both rich and poor of the family and community are invited to the marriage feasts.

Prophet Muhammad (S) said:

'The worst of the feasts are those marriage feasts to which the rich are invited and the poor are left out". (Mishkat)

It is recommended that Muslims attend marriage ceremonies and marriage feasts upon invitation.

Prophet Muhammad (S) said:

"...and he who refuses to accept an invitation to a marriage feast, verily disobeys Allah and His Prophet". (Ahmad & Abu Dawood)

[muslim_sis]

Question :

What is the correct Islamic procedure for a marriage ceremony, I mean if two Muslims are married (legally) without the presence of a religious "person" (like imam etc.), does that mean the marriage is non-existent in terms of Islam?
Answer :
All praise is due to Allaah.
A marriage contract is valid in Islam if the following conditions are met, even if the marriage does not take place in a court, or in the presence of a Judge or the Imaam of the masjid. In addition, it does not need to be written.
The waliy (guardian) of the girl has accepted the proposal by saying, for example, "I marry you my daughter", and the one who proposed has replied, for example, by " I accept," or "I am satisfied" (i.e. with his acceptance).
This takes place in the presence of two witnesses
The woman is legally eligible to marry the man according to Islamic shari'ah (that is she is not a Mahram of the proposer [those to whom the proposer is forbidden to marry. etc.]) Allah knows best.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

[Mr_Jailer]

1.what do u mean he buys her clothes to wear on wedding day or just in general ? either way is permissable in islam ...

2.the groom has to give her mahr (dowry) for the nikah to be complete, the mahr is whatever the sis asks for , can be jewellery, clothes, money, anything.

3. lol appart from the bride ... give for what , a walima , nikah or wat ? the mans side are meant to feed guests etc and organise ...

inshallah i'll post sumin up on this ..

Basically, no. 1 was the mahr... like givin' her clothes / gold to wear on the walimah.

I ask these questions, 'cos I've seen different practises includin' with my own sisters marriages, n I'm tryin' to figure which come from Hindu culture and which is Islamic.

Some of the practises I have seen from weddin' films:

1. When groom comes to take the bride... the brides family givin' money to the father-in-law to spend on the wife. What is that called, and is it necessary.

2. Mendhi: Is this a requirement Islamically? Or does it fall under over- extravagence?

3. There have been two 'walimah's' - The first one held by the brides party in a hired hall with a stage - for brides' family / friends etc... can this be called 'walimah' 'cos walimah is meant to be held by the groom... if not is it an extravagence?

I've seen this particulalry when invited to peoples weddin's where the groom is from a different town. So, the bride throws a party on saturday, travels to Grooms town n consumates the marriage on Saturday night, then there's the walimah hosted by the groom on Sunday.

Is this not right?

[muslim_sis]

Basically, no. 1 was the mahr... like givin' her clothes / gold to wear on the walimah.

I ask these questions, 'cos I've seen different practises includin' with my own sisters marriages, n I'm tryin' to figure which come from Hindu culture and which is Islamic.

Some of the practises I have seen from weddin' films:

1. When groom comes to take the bride... the brides family givin' money to the father-in-law to spend on the wife. What is that called, and is it necessary.

2. Mendhi: Is this a requirement Islamically? Or does it fall under over- extravagence?

3. There have been two 'walimah's' - The first one held by the brides party in a hired hall with a stage - for brides' family / friends etc... can this be called 'walimah' 'cos walimah is meant to be held by the groom... if not is it an extravagence?

I've seen this particulalry when invited to peoples weddin's where the groom is from a different town. So, the bride throws a party on saturday, travels to Grooms town n consumates the marriage on Saturday night, then there's the walimah hosted by the groom on Sunday.

Is this not right?
1. the brides family giving the father in law money is not from islam practise ... the mahr should be given from the husband to the wife ...

2. im not sure about mendhi ...

3. as far as i know there should be one walima , where one should invite everyone living near by , rich and poor , and shouldnt go to extravagances such as waiting a year for a friend or relative to travel from another country ...(on one of the articles above , its mentions the 3 differences of opinion about when the walima should actually be done, but it mentions that the strongest opinion is after the marriage is consumated)

& allah knows best

[Mr_Jailer]

Jazakallahu Khayr, it's becomin' a lil clearer now.

[muslim_sis]

Jazakallahu Khayr, it's becomin' a lil clearer now.
alhamdulilah
wa iyaakum
may Allah guide us only to the truth , and grant us with beautiful marriages. AMEEN .

[PaGaL~LaDo0]

da mendi aint islamic itz a cultrual ting

n da walimah iz sunnah...(da 1 da gr00m sde h0ld)

[Mr_Jailer]

In a nutshell, what is the role of the groom?

[PaGaL~LaDo0]

sitz der smilez n etz da fud :p :D @)

[muslim_sis]

da mendi aint islamic itz a cultrual ting

n da walimah iz sunnah...(da 1 da gr00m sde h0ld)
yeh i know mendhi is cultural but its not to say its haram , allahu alam if its permissable is wat i meant ;)

[PaGaL~LaDo0]

yea it aint sed n0 whr d@z it haraam i memba i vnt 2 1 n dey ad nasheedz plyin n v0z al grlz v0z da b0mb den i vnt 2 ma 1zt cuznz n it hd a DJ n music blztin n ma dad br0 cuzn(da 1 d@ v0z gtin mrd) n uncle lft dey vnt mad @ da grl sde dey v0z lak v0t u d0in clin DJz n al diz music....

[muslim_sis]

In a nutshell, what is the role of the groom?
heres my little nutshell share of role of a husband, inshallah its understanable , sorry if its not ...

- mahr

''and give women their mahr as gifts'' (quran4:4)
a marriage is not valid without a mahr, this is why it should be given at the time of the aqd (contract).

- maintenance

part of a mans role is to be the qawamun (leader) and therefore is financially responsible for the family.this should be carried out in a generous way so that the wife may feel secure and carry out her duties devoutly.

exp: maintenance refers to a womans rights to accomadation, clothing, food , medication , bills etc ...

when it was asked to the prophet (s.a.w) about the rights of the wife over her husband , the prophet said ''to feed her when you feed yourself,to clothe her when you clothe yourself, not to hit her in the face,nor to be profane and not to seperate from her except in the house'' (ahmed,dawud,ibn majaah,&hakim)


- living with them in kindness

''and deal with them in kindness'' (quran 4:19)

the prophet said '' the best among you is the one who is best with his family. and i am the best among you with my family'' (tirmidhi)

This is quite clear cut , refers to being nice to ones wife , joking, cheering up etc. and more importantly helping her to keep up with religious obligations, reminders etc.
*the example of how the prophet dealt with his wives would be exemplary

- education

the prophet taught his own wives and he allowed a poor man to give his wife education as a mahr (muslim).

- keep honour and dignity


a husband must protect his wifes honour and dignity, he should protect her and look after her. The companion of the prophet (s.a.w) , sa'd, was most possessive over his wife. The prophet (s.a.w) said ''are you amazed at how much sa'd is possessive?By Allah, i am much more possessive than he is and Allah is much more so than i'' (muslim)

:)

[Mr_Jailer]

Masha'allah, did u compile this yourself?

The info given was a bit further down the road than I was after...

More interested in the role of the groom, leadin' up to on the day of the walimah.

Does any one know whether the mehndi is haraam or biddah or not?

[muslim_sis]

Masha'allah, did u compile this yourself?

The info given was a bit further down the road than I was after...

More interested in the role of the groom, leadin' up to on the day of the walimah.

Does any one know whether the mehndi is haraam or biddah or not?
yeh i compiled that bit


What is a Walima?

Walima is Sunnah. This is a feast given after the marriage by the couple, which the husband pays for. Walima is a party of joy for the celebration of the newly formed family and for announcing that this couple are now husband and wife.
During the celebration, relatives and friends of both the husband and the wife, as well as community members are invited to get acquainted with each other, to enjoy food and to relax and begin a nice relationship through the marriage.

Where should the marriage ceremony be held?

Islamically, no space is fixed for Nikah, for contract, for wedding, or for the party. Any decent, Islamically acceptable place, house, home is fine.
If the Nikah is held in a Masjid, the prayer hall cannot be used for an elaborate wedding party because that is dedicated for Salah and Ibadah in the strict sense.
But the part that is not dedicated to that, like meeting places and classrooms can be used for the reception. Of course this is part of the bigger picture of what is the definition of Masjid.

Is it Haram (forbidden) to have Mehndi/henna party?

I cannot say it is Haram because Haram is something that needs to be based on Nass (evidence expressed clearly in the Quran or Sunnah). I would say it is cultural, it is okay.

As long as it fits in general restrictions, observes Islamic rules and regulations in general terms, I would say it is okay for sisters to have a celebration to prepare the bride for this big responsibility she is getting ready for. Henna is allowed.

-Imam Yusuf Ziya Kavakci is Imam of the Dallas Central Mosque in Richardson, Texas. (http://www.soundvision.com/Info/weddings/faqs.asp)

[muslim_sis]

http://www.islamdoor.com/Wedding.htm