Dealing with upset muslims.....How?

[MG]

i wanted to know peoples views on the matter below:

Obviously all muslims are tested and there are those who are somethimes tested harder than others (or it may jus seem they are tested harder than us) anyway, how do i deal with these muslims who are finding it difficult to handle the tests allah swt throws at them? what do i say to them, becos i normally say all the good things like "allah swt doesnt test u more than u can handle" or "allah swt knows best, we dont" or "allah swt is probably giving thios to u as a blessing in disguise but u dont know it yet"


i normally get quite aggressive responses to this becos these muslims (i.e. friends and relatives) are upset and dont feel they can handle what os upon them (I.E DEATH, ILLNESS) , somethimes respond with cursing (not to me or directly to allah swt) but like " why am i being put thru this F***** crap" or "how much longer is allah gonna put me thru this, this is jus over the top!) etc etc etc (excuse teh language but u know what i mean). How would i as a muslim respond to reactions like this, after saying somethign that i thought would make them feel better? or how should i respond intially when afellow muslim is being tested severly?

its jus that their responses feeling like their insulting islam, to me :s

[Kaaju Barfi]

subhan Allah, u bring up a topic to which is relevant to me these days ukhti, i mean i feel im being tested quite severely these days. :(

One piece of advice(this is to me also). One is being tested, that means that one shud go back to Allah(SWT). I am sometimes lazy and when that happens, disaster strikes, and i really mean disaster strikes me.There is no point moaning to other people, they can only console and offer their opinions but the solution is in the hands of the almighty Allah(SWT).

[MG]

subhan Allah, u bring up a topic to which is relevant to me these days ukhti, i mean i feel im being tested quite severely these days. :(

im sorry to hear that bro, may allah swt make things easy on u . ameen


but in this time, shouildnt u take refuge in allah swt and make dua ?

i mean as muslims who are we to say wen and how a test for us should end or who are we to say how severe it should be? do u knwo what i mean>?

i have been thru really bad times like evryone else and when i have relied upon allah swt for mercy, its come thru alhumdlillah EVRYTIME.

im jus find some muslim go against eh "grain" and instead of turning to allah swt BLAME him :( astaghfirulla, hence playing right into shaitaans hands :(

[Salman Al-Farsi]

We should recite the Quran on regular basis as it strengthens the nafs and dhikrAllah purifies the soul from doubt.

It is recommend, and I advice everyone including myslef is to recite surah al-Kahf at least once a week both in Arabic and English and contemplate upon each verse for a while, if you have access read the Tafseer too.

Allah tala explains the knowledge we do not possess and rewards of being firm when tested by examples of:

the people of the cave
Musa (as) and Khidr (as)
Dhul Qarnain etc

Inshalah each time one reads and contemplates upon these verses, we will find much contentment in life.

[Al-ghurabah]

remember allah tests the belivers more. and the better you are the more tests you get. the sahabah used to ge tworried if they did not get tested. they thought they were not doing good enough..
the prophets got tested the most. they were perfect chosen by allah yet they all faced hardship.. they were either beatern up boycotted sent to prison. sent in fire..
allah will test those he loves..
so be patient. hold onto the quran and sunnah..
and make duah to allah

[MG]

but what do u say to people who palm this of wen in pain or being in the midst of a test from allah swt? if u were trying to calm someone down and make them feel better by saying the above things to them and they become MORE angry and upset , what do u say to that?

how have u dealt with people like this in the past , becos i find it offensive to islam wen muslims react like this in teh midst of being tested

[MG]

bump- come on people, u have never consoled a muslim bro or sis and got reactions like the ones ive stated..........?

[Salman Al-Farsi]

assalam alaykum sis

To be honest, there isnt a one standard answer to this. Different people react differently to situations and tests. You would have to be in their shoes to understand what they are going thru.

Sometimes, when people are angry its better to let them calm down and then address the issue at hand. And sometimes we cant say anything which will make them feel better, except help them with their problems, give them good islamic advice and make dua for them.

[MG]

assalam alaykum sis

To be honest, there isnt a one standard answer to this. Different people react differently to situations and tests. You would have to be in their shoes to understand what they are going thru.

Sometimes, when people are angry its better to let them calm down and then address the issue at hand. And sometimes we cant say anything which will make them feel better, except help them with their problems, give them good islamic advice and make dua for them.

im not judging these people for one minute, what tends to happen si they get upset and angry after they are given an islamic perspective :s

i know people de3al with these things diferently, so i jus want diferetn sitiuations and how people dealt with the matter or what did they say to the person when they got a reaction like that cos i jus go silent! , i suppose it comes down to good 'ol Oratory (im still working on it!) :)

[Farahnaz]

muslim girl, 'Every cloud has a silver lining'

It is a short phrase with a lot of meaning, encouraging us 2 look for the bright side 2 life’s disappointments & disasters. It is funny how we r often irritated by something like missing a bus or a meeting, yet we would be so grateful if it turned out dat the bus had been destined for an accident, killing every1 on board. In this case, we would say dat being late was a blessing.

There r silver linings in every situation, but we often do not look beyond the surface in order 2 find Allah’s blessings, which r not always as obvious as a fatal accident dat we managed 2 avert. Sometimes, blessings r hidden & remain so.
How can Allah allow people 2 kill one another? How does Allah let babies die? Why is there so much anguish in the world? Most of us have heard such questions, which r frequently motivated by the pain of having experienced or witnessed a tragic event.


Sis, jus tell them: Do not hate the trials that befall u or the calamities that happen 2 u, for they may be something that u hate but it leads 2 ur salvation, & there may be something dat u luv, but it leads 2 ur doom.
" It may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, maybe that you love a thing while it is evil for you." (2:216)
In order 2 understand why tragedy strikes, we hav 2 understand dat life can certainly be tough, dat it may be filled with disappointments, & dat the manner in which we handle such disappointments is a test of our character & faith. Besides patience, the trials we experience in life teach us many virtues, such as gratitude 2 Allah & having compassion 4 others who may be going through even worse situations.
Give them examples like one woman was consumed with sadness wen her son’s finger was severely cute in an accident. But den she thought about other children who had lost their entire hands or been completely disfigured in worse accidents & felt relief at the relative case of almost losing a finger.
Another example like a woman recalls a time wen she had no heat in her home during the coldest months of winter & describes the experiences as a life-changing event. "It woke me up to the reality of poverty," she says. "My situation was temporary, but there r people who live continuously without the comforts that many of us take 4 granted. I realized dat I had 2 start getting involved."

Indeed, life’s calamities hav the effect of shocking us into action. The unexpected death of a loved one, for example, often serves as a reminder dat our time is limited, & dat we cannot keep counting on tomorrow 2 do good deeds & be better Muslims. The time 2 accomplish our goals is now, because tomorrow may never come.

Allah tells us: "And we will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient…" (2:155)

Hardships teach us 2 be humble. In this fast-paced world, we often think the way 2 solve problems is 2 press a button, make a call or put pressure on influential people. 2 keep up, we might even get a little demanding at times. Eventually, however, we all face situations dat r clearly beyond our control & we r reminded how weak we really r. No amount of authority, self-confidence or intelligence can prevent an earthquake, a flood, a fire, a volcano or ne other disaster. Even our enormous progress in the fields of science & medicine can’t stop death or keep up with disease & famine. In a moment, riches can turn to rages, happiness to misery, strength to disability, & the list goes on.

Allah says in the Qur’an: "And We have already sent (messengers) to nations before you, (O Muhammad); then We seized them with poverty and hardships that perhaps they might humble themselves (to Us). Then why, when Our punishment came to them, did they not humble themselves?" (6:42-43)

By calling on our Lord and Creator in times of hardship, we acknowledge our tremendous need for help and guidance. Allah promises His blessings and guidance to those who combat calamity with patience and say: "Inna lilaahi wa inna ilayhe raji’oon - Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return." (2:156)

So whether we r immersed in tragedy or simply bothered by the minor annoyances of daily life, we should always strive to make the best of every situation and remember dat life’s trials r a necessary part of developing a good Muslim character.

And Allah knows best.

[Tahiyah]

but what do u say to people who palm this of wen in pain or being in the midst of a test from allah swt? if u were trying to calm someone down and make them feel better by saying the above things to them and they become MORE angry and upset , what do u say to that?

how have u dealt with people like this in the past , becos i find it offensive to islam wen muslims react like this in teh midst of being tested

remind them of other muslims that are suffering more

remind them that after hardships come ease

remind them to thank Allah during times of hardships the same way they thank Allah in times of ease.

remind them that anger is from the shayton and seek refuge in Allah from him

remind them that without hardships and struggles we would not develop wisdom and build character. Allah tests those whom he loves.


“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return." They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. “(2:155-157).


So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: (94:5-6).


Hardships continue to befall a believing man and woman in their body, family, and property, until they meet Allah burdened with no sins” (At-Tirmidhi).


“Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity” (Al-Bukhari).


The parable of a believer is that of a fresh and moist plant; the wind tilts it this way and that way; and so is the believer; he continues to be subject to affliction. And the parable of a hypocrite is that of a firm cedar tree; it does not shake—until it is uprooted all at once.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

“The amount of reward is in accordance with the amount of suffering. When Allah loves some people, He tries them (with affliction). He who then is content (with Allah's decree) has achieved the acceptance (of Allah), and he who is dissatisfied (with Allah's decree) will attain the anger (of Allah).” (At-Tirmidhi).

[MG]

muslim girl, 'Every cloud has a silver lining'

It is a short phrase with a lot of meaning, encouraging us 2 look for the bright side 2 life’s disappointments & disasters. It is funny how we r often irritated by something like missing a bus or a meeting, yet we would be so grateful if it turned out dat the bus had been destined for an accident, killing every1 on board. In this case, we would say dat being late was a blessing.

There r silver linings in every situation, but we often do not look beyond the surface in order 2 find Allah’s blessings, which r not always as obvious as a fatal accident dat we managed 2 avert. Sometimes, blessings r hidden & remain so.
How can Allah allow people 2 kill one another? How does Allah let babies die? Why is there so much anguish in the world? Most of us have heard such questions, which r frequently motivated by the pain of having experienced or witnessed a tragic event.


Sis, jus tell them: Do not hate the trials that befall u or the calamities that happen 2 u, for they may be something that u hate but it leads 2 ur salvation, & there may be something dat u luv, but it leads 2 ur doom.
" It may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, maybe that you love a thing while it is evil for you." (2:216)
In order 2 understand why tragedy strikes, we hav 2 understand dat life can certainly be tough, dat it may be filled with disappointments, & dat the manner in which we handle such disappointments is a test of our character & faith. Besides patience, the trials we experience in life teach us many virtues, such as gratitude 2 Allah & having compassion 4 others who may be going through even worse situations.
Give them examples like one woman was consumed with sadness wen her son’s finger was severely cute in an accident. But den she thought about other children who had lost their entire hands or been completely disfigured in worse accidents & felt relief at the relative case of almost losing a finger.
Another example like a woman recalls a time wen she had no heat in her home during the coldest months of winter & describes the experiences as a life-changing event. "It woke me up to the reality of poverty," she says. "My situation was temporary, but there r people who live continuously without the comforts that many of us take 4 granted. I realized dat I had 2 start getting involved."

Indeed, life’s calamities hav the effect of shocking us into action. The unexpected death of a loved one, for example, often serves as a reminder dat our time is limited, & dat we cannot keep counting on tomorrow 2 do good deeds & be better Muslims. The time 2 accomplish our goals is now, because tomorrow may never come.

Allah tells us: "And we will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient…" (2:155)

Hardships teach us 2 be humble. In this fast-paced world, we often think the way 2 solve problems is 2 press a button, make a call or put pressure on influential people. 2 keep up, we might even get a little demanding at times. Eventually, however, we all face situations dat r clearly beyond our control & we r reminded how weak we really r. No amount of authority, self-confidence or intelligence can prevent an earthquake, a flood, a fire, a volcano or ne other disaster. Even our enormous progress in the fields of science & medicine can’t stop death or keep up with disease & famine. In a moment, riches can turn to rages, happiness to misery, strength to disability, & the list goes on.

Allah says in the Qur’an: "And We have already sent (messengers) to nations before you, (O Muhammad); then We seized them with poverty and hardships that perhaps they might humble themselves (to Us). Then why, when Our punishment came to them, did they not humble themselves?" (6:42-43)

By calling on our Lord and Creator in times of hardship, we acknowledge our tremendous need for help and guidance. Allah promises His blessings and guidance to those who combat calamity with patience and say: "Inna lilaahi wa inna ilayhe raji’oon - Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return." (2:156)

So whether we r immersed in tragedy or simply bothered by the minor annoyances of daily life, we should always strive to make the best of every situation and remember dat life’s trials r a necessary part of developing a good Muslim character.

And Allah knows best.

subhanallah excellent post and some excellent points raised, u r correct in evrything u say.

[MG]

remind them of other muslims that are suffering more

remind them that after hardships come ease

remind them to thank Allah during times of hardships the same way they thank Allah in times of ease.

remind them that anger is from the shayton and seek refuge in Allah from him

remind them that without hardships and struggles we would not develop wisdom and build character. Allah tests those whom he loves.


“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: "To Allah We belong, and to Him is our return." They are those on whom (Descend) blessings from Allah, and mercy, and they are the ones that receive guidance. “(2:155-157).


So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: (94:5-6).


Hardships continue to befall a believing man and woman in their body, family, and property, until they meet Allah burdened with no sins” (At-Tirmidhi).


“Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity” (Al-Bukhari).


The parable of a believer is that of a fresh and moist plant; the wind tilts it this way and that way; and so is the believer; he continues to be subject to affliction. And the parable of a hypocrite is that of a firm cedar tree; it does not shake—until it is uprooted all at once.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

“The amount of reward is in accordance with the amount of suffering. When Allah loves some people, He tries them (with affliction). He who then is content (with Allah's decree) has achieved the acceptance (of Allah), and he who is dissatisfied (with Allah's decree) will attain the anger (of Allah).” (At-Tirmidhi).


completely agree, i think its the anger at the timeof pain that tends to take over VERY eaasily with some people that i have come across, i can understand anger, pain or torment to a certain extent but not to the extent that instead of turning to allah swt and begging for his help or repenting incase u might have done wrong (hence trials falling upon u) people jus wanna blame someone else :(

may allah swt guide us ameen

[MG]

*****bump******

[Eemaan]

what always consoles me, is this scrap book i have of newspaper cuttings i have collected over the past ten years. images of suffering, famine genocide, rape victims, natural diaster, grief and war.

it helps so much because i can be profously be thankful to allah and remember the blessings he has bestowed upon me.

when ever a calmity befalls you do shukr to allah that your affliction is not worse than it already is. and that in itself is a nehmah from allah.

"Dont fret about your affairs, leave it in His hands.
Do you think if he wants it for you, anyone can stop it?
or if He doesnt want it for you, anyone can give it to you?
Dont look to anyone for your needs, for the one who created you, waters you."

:love:

when i was at the lowest i have ever been in my life and allah tried and tested me more than i have ever been before, what stuck to me like nothin else was that, i could have nothing in this dunyah and be devoid of its love and care and materialism, but as long as i had the blessing and mercy of eemaan, Allah was close to me and this made content and so grateful.

[Khubaib]

*****bump******

I don't think I can add to anything that has been stated but aside from the appropriate Quranic versus

" Certainly, We shall test you with fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits; but give glad tidings to the patient - those who, when afflicted with calamity say, "Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to Him shall we return." It is those who will be awarded blessings and mercy from their Lord; and it is those who are the guided ones." [ Soorah Baqarah (2):155-157 ]

Abu Hurayrah (radiallaahu 'anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said: " Whenever Allah wills good for a person, He subjects him to adversity." [ Bukharee and others ]

Abu Hurayrah (radiallaahu 'anhu) reported that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wasallam) said: " Hardships continue to befall a believing man and woman's body, family, and property, until they meet Allah (swt) burdened with no sins." [ Tirmithee ]

(from MMS in sister danas thread).

I would go with the calm to agressive method. First tell them life is painful, calm them down and comfort them and then remind them of Allah and their obligations during hardship. This is the best way in my opinion to make them understand and to not make them feel as if you are attacking them during their time of distress.

I remember when the tsunami hit they were showing a man on t.v. from Indonesia who represented Islam beautifully. Paraphrasing he said :I have lost my wife, home, and 6 (-13?) children, everything, "I hope Allah gives me patience" without crying on camera.

Also I saw on the news a girl and an old man in niger (muslims). The girl was eating the meat of a dead cow because of the famine. In the other shot the old man started crying on camera and he said : "O Allah forgive me because I cannot feed my family!" Imagine how much this mu'min was suffering, and he asked Allah for forgiveness! :sub: When I think of that, regardless of what happens in my life, what can compare. I feel ashamed when I think of some of the things I have done/complained about. I have no excuse and neither does any Muslim who sees such pain, to say anything except

:alhumdull

I think this is enough and you should not worry about convincing them of anything afterwards.

[MMS]

a shaykh once said a muslim who complains to people in adversity can be a muslim but never a mu'min

[MG]

a shaykh once said a muslim who complains to people in adversity can be a muslim but never a mu'min

yeh , people can i find can be completely out of character and i get the impression saying "its allah's willand qadr" is like putting oil on the fire with some people, when i feel low etc it gives me so much warmth wen people relate verses from the quran or a hadith from our beloved Prophet SAW whihc relates to my reason for being upset.

It really helps be deal with things like sis eemaan said, so i find it difficult to understand why some people dont even wanna hear anything remotely about allah swt or his book when they are upset...