View Full Version : Should I marry him?
Mrs. Anonymous
20-03-06, 02:40 PM
:salams people of Ummah.com,
Another marriage topic, I know you lot love these. Basically, someone I know is in a bit of a dilemna and was wondering if you can help or give your thoughts. Sisters specifically please.
I know of a sister (seriously) who is really confused. To put simply, she found someone she wants to get married to, is happy with his character, Islam etc. and she thinks he is perfect for her. This guy is the guy of her dreams.
Problem now is, she found out he did something in the past (a month or so back) which has kinda given her a different view of him. However, he acknowledged what he did was wrong, has repented and asked her for her forgiveness. So now, she is a bit lost. He did something (note they are not maried) in the process of finding him. I don't want to go into details but he did something (didnt go as far as zina)
I told her that if she is happy with him, to marry him for who he is and what he can be rather than what he did in the past but yea.
elefantebianco
01-04-06, 11:10 PM
So,sorry don't mean to be rude,but whats the question here?
Unique Muslimah
01-04-06, 11:11 PM
im so sorry mods people..that elefantebianco post..i 4gt to log outta my sister's account..
So,sorry not trying to be rude here,bt whats the question..?
Asalaamu alaikum
i would say.....yes she should marry him....these days it's so hard to find someone that is suited to you properly and for her to let that chance go because of something he did in the past is a waste....
The fact is he realised his mistake, came away from it and repented, i think that's a trait that is pretty admirable because you have two options when you're in a situation like that...which are to either pull yourself completely away from it...which can be extremely difficult as you have to overcome your desire in order to obey the commands of Allah or fall deeper and deeper into the hole where you lead yourself to your own wrath...those that pull themselves out must be strong as individuals......acts of disobediance can lead to obediance and acts of obediance can lead to disobediance [from pride etc]...
“The best of you in Jahiliyyah are the best of you in Islam, as long as they have understanding.”[Prophet Muhammad (SAWS)]....we should remember that even the companions had pasts they would rather forget....it's who he is now that matters and what he's learnt from his mistakes....shaitaan likes to remind us of our past so remind him of his future...
at the end of the day, if this sister can find no fault in him except his past ...rather than concentrating on the past let her concentrate on what he is now...and what he can become....usually you find those that have started heading in the right direction that propel furthest in the shortest amount of time....hmmm well i hope i wasn't too late in my reply and inshAllah she will make the right decision....let her do istikhara if she's still unsure and after that inshAllah all will be for the best...
in matters like these its up to the two individuals .
so whatever happens in the future ,no one can be held to account:)
If she was so sure of him before this incident happened and now that is has happened it has caused her so much confusion, can you picture her in the mid life crisis situation when the guy comes home late for a week? what thoughts will be going through her mind? Dont fool yourselfs, not many of us have enough power over our nafs to simple forgive and forget. These ugly things keep bringing their heads up, and she sees it now, causing her confusion, later on it will be worse, and then children may also be involved and things will be 100 times more complex.
However if she is very saintly and forgives and nothing like such bothers her, and she can see herself face future confusion with certainty then so be it.
That is why in Islam there is no confessions. What a person does wrong, he repents for and it is between him and his Lord. With things that involve others, then there are public punishments, to alert and repremand, e.g zina, stealing etc
in matters like these its up to the two individuals .
so whatever happens in the future ,no one can be held to account:):)
May be you should be cautious and think.Are certain actions which are like small signals to our brain.
Bubblegoose
08-04-06, 05:59 PM
I wouldn't know, Allah knows best
gentle_brother
11-04-06, 07:12 PM
“The best of you in Jahiliyyah are the best of you in Islam, as long as they have understanding.”[
is this authentic, where can i find it?
Supernova Nebula
14-04-06, 02:46 AM
:salams people of Ummah.com,
Another marriage topic, I know you lot love these. Basically, someone I know is in a bit of a dilemna and was wondering if you can help or give your thoughts. Sisters specifically please.
I know of a sister (seriously) who is really confused. To put simply, she found someone she wants to get married to, is happy with his character, Islam etc. and she thinks he is perfect for her. This guy is the guy of her dreams.
Problem now is, she found out he did something in the past (a month or so back) which has kinda given her a different view of him. However, he acknowledged what he did was wrong, has repented and asked her for her forgiveness. So now, she is a bit lost. He did something (note they are not maried) in the process of finding him. I don't want to go into details but he did something (didnt go as far as zina)
I told her that if she is happy with him, to marry him for who he is and what he can be rather than what he did in the past but yea.
Depends on the gravity of the sins. Kullu bani Adam khata' (all children of Adam sin) and the best among them are those who repent (Hadith Qudsi). All of us commit sin in one way or another, direct or indirectly. However, a sister who knows herself, that she never commits any grave sins would be difficult for her to accept someone who has commited one of them, especially zina, for instance. some habit are difficult to kill. But if it's some sins and the brother is determined not to repeat them, and if the sister can accept her, then Alhamdulillah. However, small sins are not to be taken for granted too, because, it can accumulate.
if i was in her position i wouldnt marry him
i have trust issues with people
:salams Problem now is, she found out he did something in the past (a month or so back) which has kinda given her a different view of him. However, he acknowledged what he did was wrong, has repented and asked her for her forgiveness. So now, she is a bit lost. He did something (note they are not maried) in the process of finding him. I don't want to go into details but he did something (didnt go as far as zina)
He cheated on her (zina isn't the only form of cheating) a month ago knowing that she is in Love with him? knowing that he had her complete trust? Not very good........
However, a person can change and if he continues to seek forgiveness, Insh'Allah he may not repeat his mistake. Tell her to ask him for more time......see if he remains steadfast or buckle.
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.