How to cope with non muslim parents/family

[Advise needed]

Assalam alakium brothers and sisters

I'm finding it extremly hard to cope with my current situation. Im at a point when i feel as if im gonna just break down totally.

My mother knows about me reverting to Islam and since then my life so difficult.
Im not allowed to bring in any Islamic books at home, im not allowed to pray in the house, if i go out any where i have about thousand questions asked and i end up not goin anywhere i.e with muslims friends to islamic talks or anywhere else to learn about Islam like the libary to read the Quran

I have been trying to be very patient alhamdulillah with my mum for the last two years and now i just dont know how to cope.
My parents have been bought up in a society where they're really affected by what others will say.
My father is a very hardworking but yet a very violent man which is one of the reasons my mother hasnt said anything to him about me being a muslim.

I cant practise my faith and this is really getting me down. I dont know how to deal with it anymore.

I am 99 % sure (ALLAH SWT knows best) my parents will never come to terms with me being muslim they will never accept me.

I am now at a marriagable age and a brother is interested in getting married to me but i also know that a women needs a wali.....but in my case how can you go about getting married?

Walakium Assalam

[.: Anna :.]

Assalaamu alaykum
sister you need a wali but as ur parents arent muslim you wouldnt be able to have the normal wali of father in any case as one of the conditions of wali is that he must be muslim. You would appoint someone like a community figure or imam to act as ur wali, I did that myself aswell.

[Tahiyah]

many converts have problems with their non muslim family. its part of your test. be patient and keep making dua to Allah to grant you strength and patience. pray when you find time to yourself, in your room etc.

after hardship, comes ease

[Ayah]

Dear sister,

I'd like to start off by congratulating you on becoming a Muslim. I'm sure there's a lot that you have to endure, as you've mentioned in your post. With every struggle you go through, Allah rewards you. Hopefully, praying in secret isn't too difficult. If you have your own room and privacy of 5-10 minutes per prayer, that should suffice. I'm guessing you already know that you're under no obligation to tell the rest of your family that you've accepted Islam. It's understandable that your mom isn't accepting of the idea. However, try to set an example by maintaining good character, and she'll learn to respect your faith, with time.

It's really nice that you've found someone who's interested in marrying you. Just make sure you know him well enough and have come to the conclusion that he's a good person/match for you. For more information on the "wali" subject, you can read below. I pray that Allah guides you always and preserves your faith, Ameen.

Keep us posted. :)

~ Ayah

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1119503543328&pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaEAskTheScholar (http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1119503543328&pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaEAskTheScholar)

Islam stipulates that in order to conclude her marriage, the Muslim bride must have a guardian or wali, who is usually her father. Since the woman – despite her Islamically granted independence – was always subject to the desires of the ill-hearted and evil opportunists; Islam decreed certain legislations which would maintain her rights and deter those whom carry ill-aims and desires.

Therefore, Islam gave great importance to the approval of the woman's guardian in a manner, which reflects the significance of the marriage contract. Islam’s insistence on the guardian's involvement in the selection process is to ensure that the woman exercises her choice correctly.

But if the bride's father is a non-Muslim, while she is a Muslim, he cannot act as a guardian for her, for Muslims are not to take non-Muslims for patronage or make them their representatives especially in a serious matter like marriage in which the guardian should be aware of the Islamic standards in choosing a proper marriage candidate. Almighty Allah says: "Your Protector (or Lord and Master) can be only Allah; and His Messenger and those who believe…" (Al-Ma’idah: 55). Almighty Allah also says: "And those who disbelieve are protectors one of another…" (Al-Anfal: 73)

These verses indicate that non-Muslims are not to act as guardians for Muslims. But this does not mean that the paternal rights of the non-Muslim fathers of Muslim women are disregarded; Muslim women in this case are to continue to owe their fathers all due respect. The point is that non-Muslim fathers cannot be guardians for their Muslim daughters, for by believing in Islam, the daughters' loyalty to Islam (the true religion) is to have priority over their loyalty to their non-Muslim fathers.

Elaborating on this issue, the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad `Ali Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council, states:

The only recommendation for any (converted) woman is to consult some reliable Muslim man or men in order to learn what is needed about the fiancée. The Imam who is documenting the marriage could be the replacement of what is needed in a wali or guardian.

In general, the Qur'an, when addressing a female's marriage, refers to society. That means she is not supposed to make her decision for marriage unless that society or community would have no (valid) objection to her marriage. The Qur'an in addressing a male's marriage speaks to him as the direct contractor. When he speaks to a female, the Quran makes her an indirect contractor.

Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim lecturer and author, adds:


When a woman converts to Islam, none of her non-Muslim family members can act as a guardian (wali) of her interests; no disbeliever can act in this capacity over a Muslim. If there is a Muslim with some authority in your area over the affairs of the Muslim community, then he can act in this capacity, based on the Prophet's (peace and blessings be upon him) hadith: "No marriage contract can be concluded without the presence of a wali. A Sultan (authority figure) can act as a wali for those without one." (Reported by Ibn Majah and Imam Ahmad)

If there is no authoritative Muslim person, then one should refer to the community Muslim leader or any Muslim who is just, respected, and of high character, such as the director of the Islamic center or its imam, to conclude the marriage contract of this sister, with her consent.Excerpted, with slight modifications, from: www.islam-qa.com

[icarrim]

However hostile and unfriendly your non muslim parents may be,you cannot be likewise.Your solution is patience and patience and Inshallah your steadfastness and your trust in Allah s.t. and Islam will take you through.No storm stays on forever. Amin.

[Advise needed]

Thank you all for your time for giving some wonderful advise

I hear you all saying patience is the key but its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo difficult when ur family is constantly saying awful things about Islam
i dont care how they treat me but the way my family disrespects Islam is NOT tolerable i feel as if they will never respect Islam
Once my mum and me were having a debate on Islam n my mum said to me along these lines that " even if Allah swt comes down and tells me Islam is the one and only religion of God i still will not accept it" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am not really particularly worried about the marriage part as much as im worried about how my parents will re act (sister Ayah Jazak Allahu Khyre for making an effort by giving me the information its been really useful May Allah swt bless you)

Jazak AllahuKhyre for all of you who replied. All your posts have been helpful to me
May Allah swt bless you all

[Ayah]

Once my mum and me were having a debate on Islam n my mum said to me along these lines that " even if Allah swt comes down and tells me Islam is the one and only religion of God i still will not accept it" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am not really particularly worried about the marriage part as much as im worried about how my parents will react

Wa iyyaki sis. Your mom feels that way probably b/c she has a tainted picture of Islam. So like I've mentioned, set a good example and she'll learn to respect it.

Also, remember to treat your parents kindly. Whether or not they accept Islam doesn't determine how you are to treat them. Be good to them & pray for them to be guided, insha Allah.

You said that you're worried about how your parents will react if and when you get married. As long as you're old enough, don't worry about it :p

Take care.

~ Ayah

[Arsalan]

Salam sis

Right now you should be kind and good with your parents like a good muslim should be.

I feel as your at the right age for marriage as you say you are. This is the right time to get some INDEPENDENCE in life away from your parents, as the may hold you back.

Marry a man who you think is inshAllah of a good character, reliable and trustworthy, comes from a family that will respect you for who you are too, and can PROVIDE for you and your needs.

This will solve many of your problems.


Take care and Wasalam.

[amatulHaqq]

salaam sis,
i agree with abdulMajid. i also came from a nonmuslim family...and it was hard for my mom to accept it, but now after 7 yrs, she finally has come to terms with it and she actually told me she's more proud of me than she ever has been. alhamdulillah. sis, they just need time and guidance very very slowly inshaAllah. but u do need to get on your own and be married, so u have a safe haven to practice your deen. may Allah reward you for all your efforts and keep you firmly planted in iman. Ameen. but i must warn u to be very careful when choosing your mate...just because of your situation, dont just go out and pick the first brother who approaches you...be very careful and find out a lot about the brother by the community, his family, ex wives, current wife(s), etc...because just because someone is muslim, doesnt mean he's going to make a good mate. get advice and possibly a recommendation from the imam. may Allah make it easy for u and give u success.ameen.
your sis in islam,
amatulHaqq

[Wojoud]

i wish i could help
\

good luck!! :embar:

[Al-Muhaajiroun]

Thank you all for your time for giving some wonderful advise

I hear you all saying patience is the key but its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooo difficult when ur family is constantly saying awful things about Islam
i dont care how they treat me but the way my family disrespects Islam is NOT tolerable i feel as if they will never respect Islam
Once my mum and me were having a debate on Islam n my mum said to me along these lines that " even if Allah swt comes down and tells me Islam is the one and only religion of God i still will not accept it" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am not really particularly worried about the marriage part as much as im worried about how my parents will re act (sister Ayah Jazak Allahu Khyre for making an effort by giving me the information its been really useful May Allah swt bless you)

Jazak AllahuKhyre for all of you who replied. All your posts have been helpful to me
May Allah swt bless you all
Subhan ALLAH I heard somethink similar from my sheikh, he said the same thing that Muhammad saw said "even if ALLAH swt was in front of them they will not believe" thats a paraphrase by the way.