Love before Marriage?

[Ebony]

Received Via Email

Mu` meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah`s Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

>One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question: Is it a sin to fall in love or get involved in love before marriage? talking on phone and expressing care and atachment? is it not a sin then to marry anybody else other than loved?


(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)


Answer:


Love before Marriage


In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.


>Your Question: is it a sin to fall in love or get involved in love before marriage? talking on phone and expressing care and attachment?


>Dear and Beloved Sister, love-hate, like-dislike, joy-sorrow, smile-weep, etc. are natural emotions of mankind! What determines virtue and sin is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!


To love someone is a natural emotion, and there is absolutely no sin if one loves another person; it is what one does after one has fallen in love with that person which would determine whether it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah or a sin!



If one falls in love, and informs one’s guardians that they love so and so, and requests them to sanctify their love in the sacred bond of marriage so that they may love each other for the rest of their lives would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

>Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5: This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost.


>But if one falls in love, or tries to form an illicit relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex, or strives to meet the person in secret and in private, and in their state of ‘love’ transgress the boundaries of Allah Subhanah before they are united in the sacred bond of marriage; then indeed it would constitute a huge sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.


Your Question: is it not a sin then to marry anybody else other than loved?


Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21: And among His (Allah’s) Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them; and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.


It is only natural that one would choose to marry whom one likes rather than he whom one dislikes! And Islam guides that it is one amongst the Signs of Allah Subhanah that He has put ‘love’ and ‘mercy’ between two people who commit themselves to be united in the sacred institution of marriage.


The act that determines a sin is if one transgresses the boundaries laid down by their Lord for His slaves. There is absolutely no harm if one likes someone and wishes to marry them; but if one strives to form an illicit relationship with that person, or strives to meet that person in private and engage in vain talk, etc., then it obviously opens the road or path to the abomination of ‘zina’ (fornication), and every act that opens up the path to this evil abomination of ‘zina’ would indeed constitute a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah!


Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32: Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!


If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.


Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.


Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan

3873: Love before Marriage
q&a@islamhelpline.com

[Stillcurious]

Good questions, but the one who tries to answer doesn't speak plain English! At least he or she is too unequivocal for me!

[Ebony]

One issue which I think is important must be highlighted.

To be interested in an individual, and to seek to know more about them is not love. It is curiousity which drives this interest, to deduce whether the said individuals are compatible for marriage.

Love and therefore marriage come much later.

[simplicity]

just curious. how do you fall in love in the 1st place if you have not gotten to know the person?? becoz i believe there are restrictions in islam regarding interactions between non-mahrams..

[muslimah85]

i don't think there are restrictions i just think people dont knw how to go around it properly

ws

[simplicity]

i don't think there are restrictions i just think people dont knw how to go around it properly

ws

so what is the proper way?

[Chained_Water]

One issue which I think is important must be highlighted.

To be interested in an individual, and to seek to know more about them is not love. It is curiousity which drives this interest, to deduce whether the said individuals are compatible for marriage.

Love and therefore marriage come much later.

In getting to know more and deciding they are the one you want to marry.. you can fall in love though.

It's not as black and white as:

1. pursue for marriage
2. get to know
3. decide you want to marry
4. get married
5. fall in love.

between 2 and 3 you can find yourself in 5 :p

[Ebony]

Sometimes, people are in love with the idea of falling/being in love.

[Mary Carol]

And sometimes an idea planted in the mind can massage the :love:.

[Chained_Water]

Sometimes, people are in love with the idea of falling/being in love.

True sis.. but that still doesn't change the fact there is the possibility of number 5 happening between numbers 2 and 3 ..and wouldn't it be lovely if it did? :D

[Ebony]

True sis.. but that still doesn't change the fact there is the possibility of number 5 happening between numbers 2 and 3 ..and wouldn't it be lovely if it did? :D

It doesn't change the possibility, no.

But thats what it is: a possibility.

Yes it would be lovely...if Sis IG kept her promise!

[Bubble-Buster]

Can some one please define "love" to me that we are talking about here?

[muslimah85]

Can some one please define "love" to me that we are talking about here?
well in my def, it would be the heart racing, pulse beating, sleepless nights love!! :inlove:

On a serious note its knowing u want to spend the rest of ur life with that perono, they make u complete, and u can't imagine life without them :p

[Mary Carol]

Yes it would be lovely...if Sis IG kept her promise!

She was promised to me first. :mad:

[Bubble-Buster]

well in my def, it would be the heart racing, pulse beating, sleepless nights love!! :inlove:

On a serious note its knowing u want to spend the rest of ur life with that perono, they make u complete, and u can't imagine life without them :p

Hack this just sound like me but on lesser degree, when I was young. I wanted to do that with every gal I came across. So my parents got me a wife and now I am father of eight kids. The love has evaporated and life is just making money and paying bills. Our version of I love you is when we b***h each other, which she does as daily ritual than I do. I end up losing because my wife gang up on me with our eight kids, her kamikazes' army.

OK.. it s a joke and I am not trying to scare anyone here.:nuts:

[muslimah85]

that was a JOKE wasn't it :scratch: !!!!!!!

[Bubble-Buster]

that was a JOKE wasn't it :scratch: !!!!!!!

Yes, it was and I said in the last.:D

[muslimah85]

SHukr that it was! :D

U nearly put me off marriage for life :p


Lol at the 8 kids :D U never know!!!!!!!!

[Bubble-Buster]

SHukr that it was! :D

U nearly put me off marriage for life :p


Lol at the 8 kids :D U never know!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I don't mean to scare you.

The kids, that can happen

[Crono]

Love Allah..then Muhammad...then your Mother...then the rest

[Baby Paw]

A'Salaam-a-laykum Bubble Buster hope you are keeping well.
Hoping to get back to you with a response on the Fiqh of Eternal Love thread, when I get a minute to construct a proper response. Insha'Allah.

Allah Hafiz


Can some one please define "love" to me that we are talking about here?

[Mary Carol]

Can some one please define "love" to me that we are talking about here?


You know it is love when you spend so much time looking into each other's eyes, your food gets cold.

[Arsalan]

what a load of mushy wishy washy hoohaaa.

[Mary Carol]

Well there are exceptions.

I'm pretty sure seven never lets his food get cold,
and yet he obviously is in love.

:inlove:

[Barracuda]

That is why I love the good food until I eat it all while looking into the plate keeping in my sight.

[me_omar]

love is a good thing if its pure....i really don't know ! i can't marry someone i don't love ! is that wrong ?

[MangoChutney]

love is a good thing if its pure....i really don't know ! i can't marry someone i don't love ! is that wrong ?

"To love someone is a natural emotion, and there is absolutely no sin if one loves another person; it is what one does after one has fallen in love with that person which would determine whether it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah or a sin!"

[shehnaaz]

salams all
love before marriage is important and getting to know some1 first does make a diff

[muslimah85]

yes very true :)

[Chained_Water]

what a load of mushy wishy washy hoohaaa.
You need to get married bro :p

[Ebony]

You need to get married bro :p

They all need to get married. ASAP.

[simplicity]

when you look into each other's eyes and was mesmerised. :2hammers:

is that love? :D

[muslimah85]

when you look into each other's eyes and was mesmerised. :2hammers:

is that love? :D


id like to think so:up: , unless ur playing the blinking game :D

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:



She was promised to me first. :mad:

:salams


BLIMEY! don't fight, i'm promised to both of you, i just have 4 selections y'know?... ;)


LOL

Plz don't fight ok? :crying:

:salams

[Mary Carol]

Plz don't fight ok? :crying:

No wonder you keep us on separate continents. :(

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:



No wonder you keep us on separate continents. :(

:salams


EXACTLY!


you two are a right bunch of squabblers!

That's very notti!


And i treat you both equally! :crying:

:salams

[Mary Carol]

you two are a right bunch of squabblers!

Is it our fault that you attract such passionate women?

And i treat you both equally! :crying:

We'll let the lawyers decide that. :freedom:

[Ebony]

Why would I want to argue?

I have more productive methods in place ;)

[*IslamicGirl*]

:start:



Why would I want to argue?

I have more productive methods in place ;)

:salams

:rotfl: LIKE THe TOWEL!! :rotfl:

:salams

[Ebony]

:start:





:salams

:rotfl: LIKE THe TOWEL!! :rotfl:

:salams

:rotfl: :rotfl:

At least it got you smiling :)

[Baby Paw]

You love to hear the stories again and again,
About how it all got started way back then.

One can have feelings for another, without being in a relationship with them, that is part of the rules of attraction, simple as.

Before somebody starts lecturing me on how it is haram to be in a relationship with another prior to marriage, yeah I know this already, thanks.

This ain't what I am talking about, you can feel attracted to another, without being in relationship with them fullstop. What you do with regards to curbing this sense of attraction is what it comes down to.

[Sister 4 Peace]

sometimes it is difficult to fight the urges, but do your best

[me_omar]

i love love before marriage ! its just my personal opinion:scratch:, i don't mean to misguide anyone !


sometimes it is difficult to fight the urges, but do your best

[muslimah85]

i love love before marriage ! its just my personal opinion:scratch:, i don't mean to misguide anyone !
i dont think theres anything wrong with love before marriage its just how you express that love :p

[baba]

Reminds me of: http://www.ummah.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1203

[muslimah85]

Reminds me of: http://www.ummah.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1203
thats beautiful :inlove:

[Muslim Sista]

love? well um.....................no comment

[LiveIslam]

erm wel as you knw this post is about love. i was wondering what u think about love before marriage.

i think that love before marriage aint right this is becasue people who normally fall in love in a harram way, the two couple wont able to think properly about life, however i think like is ok.

what u think guys and if any1 find a quote from the hadith or quran it wud be great

[islamgyal]

yea i think it's k

[LiveIslam]

yea i think it's k
wot u think love is ok b4 marriage or not

[Niqaabi]

we'v had this topic before many times.
:insha: do a search.

[LiveIslam]

we'v had this topic before many times.
:insha: do a search.
sorry have u il check thanx

[Tahiyah]

i think its most important to love each other for the sake of Allah ONLY

b4 and after, and as your compassion for one another grows, remember the respect u give one another is to please Allah (swt)

[Salman Al-Farsi]

Falling in love before marriage is a BIG cop-out.

It is haraam to 'fall in love' with someone non-mehram.

[Refugee]

Falling in love before marriage is a BIG cop-out.

It is haraam to 'fall in love' with someone non-mehram.

exactly - i dont understand why people here are discussing this issue -
somebody said on this thread

"sometimes it is difficult to fight the urges, but do your best" -

No it aint difficult - keep your eyes down - dont have conversation with non-mehram (unless you are in work environment, then keep the conversation work-related then say thank you and good-bye) - simple - works for me :up:

[Quest]

Many confuse crushs lust and infatuation with love.

Thanks for the topic ebony

[Quest]

p.s

The way that i see it, LOVE is a matter of the heart, and ALLAH is the controller of the heart, think objectively and u will come with the conclution that ALLAH is far above directing our hearts to something that is against his divine orders (think zina) note: i am talking about this so called LOVE before marriage. Love doesnt exist b4 marriage, wat we find before it in my opinion is things similar to love, it appears to be love and often is interperated as such however in reality its not,

i am of the opinion that true love can be found in marriages whereby the couple have worked at things, learnt to compromise, respect and appreciate each other, give each others rights willingly and effectively, this and then some = love, before that we may find ourselfs, intrested in members of the opposite sex, this intrest can come in the form of LUST, CRUSHS, DEEP ADMIRATION WHICH stem from CRUSHS, oh and infatuation

the emotions listed above are wat we can at times feel for others before marriage. but to call it love, is in my opinion a poor observation and analysation of what love truelly is. especialy when u are alien to it.

u will be surprised at how many definitions we have of the word love. hence why its so easy to go astray from our trains of thought, when you are trying to sincerly understand that complex issue of understanding what LOVE is.

many of us confuse deep crushs, lust and infatuation (which all come from shaytan the above emotions are shaytanically inspired and his handy work, its done so we fall into sin like fornication, its when shaytan works between 2 couple till, u know the famous saying ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER)

anyways deep crushs lust and infatuation many confuse or perhaps even mistake for LOVE, to b honest none of these are emotions to be taken lightly i understand, but when distinguished from love the difference is like night and day.

what matters is how we invest these emotions, i mean if we choose to invest them thru say reliefing the desire with inn them, then moderate sinners whom entertain them will find that it is sweet for a while but bitter longer.

i see many people who had deep crushs b4 and could swear blind they were in love.
true love comes alive only when u are able to take that love and turn it into action, any deep feelings b4 taking such a step is just a preview to that love.

just like u can never really know a person as well as you think you do, unless you go on a journey with them or live with them.
love is similar, many whom were crazy about each other, realised after moving in together that they were not.

this is because the jackets of infatuation and romance they were wearing eventually in the home came off.

true love comes out in marriage when the couple learn to compromise, be patient loyal and forgiving, when 2 become 1. thats love. when a couple reach that stage, they are able to ditinguish love from the related similar emotions such as lust and crush.

anything b4 that stage is just a phaze.

thats my 2cents

Quest signing out.

fi amaanilaah

[Ebony]

~bump~

[Guvna]

~bump~

feeling lovey dovey or somethin!>?!?! :rolleyes:

[Ebony]

As if :rolleyes:

Opening eyes for those who seem to walk about in a droopy state :up:

[Guvna]

As if :rolleyes:

Opening eyes for those who seem to walk about in a droopy state :up:

Never know these days... its a crazy a$$ world... alll manz and gyals walkin drooopy!!!
the world is in a state of pyar, ishq aur muhabbat!! :rubeyes:

[MG]

Love b4 marriage doesnt exist,i agree with everything sis quest said.

anything b4 marriage is all shaitaan and all your left with after is regret, remorse and shame, that is not love.

WHat alah swt gives u after marriage and thru your experiences and ups and downs with your hubbie/wife is what is love.

[ur_yusra]

'There is naught better for two who love eachother then marriage' - Abu Dawood

[Guvna]

'There is naught better for two who love eachother then marriage' - Abu Dawood

Subhannaallhhhhh!! :D

[Ebony]

The above's been discussed at length in another thread. It's not a remit to go on a love spree.

[ur_yusra]

The above's been discussed at length in another thread. It's not a remit to go on a love spree.

No it isn't :)

[Al-Irhaab]

The above's been discussed at length in another thread. It's not a remit to go on a love spree.

i know of couples who have loved each other without even speaking... their parents get them arranged and they know of the person and they accept and they have love for them...

:inlove:

then they find out how evil they are and hate their guts for the rest of their lives... only joking:torture:

[MG]

i know of couples who have loved each other without even speaking... their parents get them arranged and they know of the person and they accept and they have love for them...

:inlove:

then they find out how evil they are and hate their guts for the rest of their lives... only joking:torture:

to that i say ....oooops!

[TEH]

'There is naught better for two who love eachother then marriage' - Abu Dawood

I heard that too...and I looked and looked and couldnt find it...so where did you get that from?

:)

[ibn suleman]

this shud be in the marriage section :D

[ibn suleman]

I heard that too...and I looked and looked and couldnt find it...so where did you get that from?

:)

urmmm Abu Dawud maybe :D

[TEH]

lol, thats what Im saying..I looked..

So Im just wondering if she got it out of a book...or shes seen it herself..or what...

:)

[ibn suleman]

lol, thats what Im saying..I looked..

So Im just wondering if she got it out of a book...or shes seen it herself..or what...

:)

lol

u've got the full abu dawud?
the online ones in english are partial translations

ive seen that hadith in quite a few books and websites, will try and find them later insha'allah :)

[TEH]

Ahan...Merci Beaucoup..

:)

[Cristiana]

id like to think so:up: , unless ur playing the blinking game :D

:rotfl:

[Al-Irhaab]

to that i say ....oooops!

the last bit was a joke man ur always so pessimistic :torture:

[MG]

the last bit was a joke man ur always so pessimistic :torture:



in reality these things have been known to happen :rolleyes: