halal advice needed

[Avalon]

I married a brother 2 years ago... he has no status, has wife and kids back home. i went into the marriage and all its difficulties with trust in Allah(swt). My daughter from previous marriage (11 years old) complained (reluctantly) after loving him has her true dad, that he had 'taken advantage of her', Alhamdulillah nothing serious, but minor hugging, slight touching. Immediately i took her side, asked him to leave. he became very ill, coughing up blood because of the shock. (he is ill anyway, but because of lack of status, we cannot go to doc and we have no money at all...only debt, so we cannot afford a doctor).Anyway after begging me and crying and asking forgiveness i am considering taking himback, but my daughter hates him and is trying to be brave for me. I am unsure what Allah(swt) would like me to do in these circumstances. Humanely, i feel sorry for him because he does genuinely have bad health, conjugely i am on the fence, and in my heart of hearts for my daughters sake i don't want him back. should i mend things between himand her...like he asked me to do (he denies ever doing anything to her apart from in a fatherly manner), she is convinced (so she said), 110% that it was not appropriate what he. I just have this great dread of being alone again. please advise me and feel free to ask meany questions necessary.
did.

[AbuMubarak]

sister

this is the WRONG place to ask such advice

but you are the child's mother, unless you think she lied, you should be a shark to protect your child

you being alone is nothing compared to you betraying your responsibility of protection of your child

i am totally against the fact that you even have a question about this

though i can understand your dilemma, loneliness stinks, but hey, Allah is still god, and still in control

[Tahiyah]

get away from him

he is sick, mentally

your daughter is much more important

as she ages,what he did will only bother her more and more, especially once she is a teenager. talk to her about it and hug her lots and lots. she is a precious jewel, and he may be working on her little by little, til he has her in his control and violates her beyond repair

take no chances, kick him hard on his way out the door

he is a disease

[bint]

sister

this is the WRONG place to ask such advice

but you are the child's mother, unless you think she lied, you should be a shark to protect your child

you being alone is nothing compared to you betraying your responsibility of protection of your child

i am totally against the fact that you even have a question about this

though i can understand your dilemma, loneliness stinks, but hey, Allah is still god, and still in control


jeez brother abu mubarak dyu know how to give advice???you surprise me sometimes!!!

sister, my advice to you is do not take this man back into ure shelter. will you forgive ureself IF he abuses ure daughter again? there is sever punishment for incest and by Allah and for the sake of yourself AND youre daughter do not feel pity for him, just carry on ure life in the norm. wether he is ill or not it is not ure concern...go to an imam..he will guide you in this dillema. persnallay i would not even call it a dillema. but alhamdulillah unlike me you have a soft heart, but dont let him use ure innocence to his advantage. he did wrong and he must punish for it. better you punish him in this world then in the hereafter? what dyu think? feel welcome to ask more. but you need 1 to 1 advice on this issue. uve got my point and brothr abumubaraks points...i think it should be enuf...its either HIM or youre DAUGHTER...which one dyu love more?

[Unique Muslimah]

Salaams Sister,
I think it is clear that your daughter needs you right now,and you should stick by her for it may have been mentally disturbing for her what she went through. My advice would be not to let him back into your home as firstly,you never know, he may do the same thing again to your daughter, and also (personally) i would not be comfortable with having such a person under the same roof.

[Te'oma]

For once Abu M and I agree wholeheartedly. You need to protect your child and cut this guy loose. Your first responsibility is too your daughter

[hamas_sister_fighter]

assalamoalikaum,

I think an Imam is the best to ask, and insha'Allah some counceling for all. The reason I say this is personal experience. I took the side of my daughter, I left my husband. Years later she confessed that he never did anything, but she hated him for his strictness.

This is all I will say about that. But please be very sure.

May Allah Guide you the right way. Aameen

[hopeful]

salaam sis .I have young daughters and im on my own ,but i wud rather stay alone then put my daughters at risk .hes done it once and hell do it again and HE MUST HAVE DUN IT COZ HE APOLOGISED TO U , SO THERE U GO , i dont mean to sound angry ....but i am ,leave him plz dont except him back,does this man mean more to u then ure daughter??i hope inshallah u make the rite choice if it was me i wud not accept him back ,u shudnt doubt ure daughter.wish u all da best:)

[hopeful]

sis he apologised ,so isint that a confession??

[wazza]

remember your daughter loved him as a true dad. this tells me that she did not resent him at the begining which could have led her to lie about him touching her. also he begged for forgiveness which means he is guilty of touching her.

sister please do not take him back because

1. suppose he has begged and asked for forgiveness and you have taken him back. he will know that the next time if he is caught again all he has to do is beg for forgiveness again you might take him back again

2. your daughter will be lost if he comes back. she will feel she has no place in your heart and that you will allow this excuse of a man to touch her again. this might force her to run away

please do not take him back. true you may feel sorry for him in his state of health but your daughter is your main piority

[Black_Flag]

how can u consider taking him back? will u ever be able to leave ur daughter at home with him and wont u always have that nagging thought at the back of your mind? do u seriously want to live like this?

protect ur daughter..after all she was yours before he was.

[gaara]

his being with you aint worth the risk. or the debt aint worth the risk. start looking for a job oppurtunities i guess and kick him out, or pm me if its around me i'll go do it gladly :D

[MG]

i dont think its a straightforward, yes leave him or no take him back.

Allah swt forgives so why cant we?

but at the same time i'd prolly wanna throttle him b4 leaving him.

The only logical thing for you to do, is take refuge in allah swt and do istkhara and ask for his guidance and inshallah he will guide u sister, also try and do volutary prior in the middle of the night as well and pray sincelerly for allah swt to guide u.
Soon enuff it will be clear in your mind wat u need to do (inshalah.)

[kya]

perform instikara and ask for guidance.

[Te'oma]

A child is a precious trust that Allah places in us. You need to weigh the damage to your daughter if you take back this man. What do you do if he does it again? How will this betrayal damage her?
Insha allah that you come to a good decision on this. Personally I know what my response but you must make your own choices and Allah will hold you accountable for them. Keep in mind that he has acted very strange on the subject. He has begged forgiveness while denying that anything happened. He's either a child molester or a liar...or both.

[Umm Mu3aadh]

I married a brother 2 years ago... he has no status, has wife and kids back home. i went into the marriage and all its difficulties with trust in Allah(swt). My daughter from previous marriage (11 years old) complained (reluctantly) after loving him has her true dad, that he had 'taken advantage of her', Alhamdulillah nothing serious, but minor hugging, slight touching. Immediately i took her side, asked him to leave. he became very ill, coughing up blood because of the shock. (he is ill anyway, but because of lack of status, we cannot go to doc and we have no money at all...only debt, so we cannot afford a doctor).Anyway after begging me and crying and asking forgiveness i am considering taking himback, but my daughter hates him and is trying to be brave for me. I am unsure what Allah(swt) would like me to do in these circumstances. Humanely, i feel sorry for him because he does genuinely have bad health, conjugely i am on the fence, and in my heart of hearts for my daughters sake i don't want him back. should i mend things between himand her...like he asked me to do (he denies ever doing anything to her apart from in a fatherly manner), she is convinced (so she said), 110% that it was not appropriate what he. I just have this great dread of being alone again. please advise me and feel free to ask meany questions necessary.
did.


Who do you put first? Your daughter or him?

Yes there are many organisations that could help him, send him there.

Also, if he has kissed your daughter or touched her with desire, he is haraam for you anyways.

So yes, get rid of him.

May Allaah protect you and aid you in your affairs.