View Full Version : living with the in-laws?
:salams
woo another marriage related topic :eek3:
I think its quite an important issue to think about before you get married because i have seen that it can turn out to be a big problem in some marriages
just out of interest, how many sisters would be happy living with in-laws?
and how many brothers plan on living with their family after marriage?
i should gather all the data from these threads and write a book on the do's and dont's in marriage@)
.: Anna :.
05-02-06, 08:01 PM
I think we covered this topic before lol.
I live with my in-laws :) For the next few years insha allah we'll be with them, we all just moved house 2 a bigger place so that's ok. I think it's not nice to live all together if ur place is sooooo small and you don't have any privacy.
The in laws slowly have to realise that things they did before like not knocking b4 entering their child's room, they cnt do it anymore now that someone else has come to live there and needs their own privacy.
It takes a bit of time to adapt, and then it has its good points and it's bad points... its not ALL one or the other in my opinion
i did a search but i didnt find any related thread so dont eat me you moodyrators :embar:
Niqaabi
05-02-06, 08:05 PM
ahhh we had this topic and SOME of us :crying:. *sniffs*
Anna couldnt you remove this and bump the other one, i dont wana go through all this again :(:crying: *wipes snot on annas shoulder* :p
.: Anna :.
05-02-06, 08:06 PM
yeah i think it is merged in here and there :S
although we got a thread in Islam Q and A in sis forum... about the rights of wife 2 live separate if she wants, cos that is important that sisters shud know that they dnt HAVE 2live 2gta if they reli dnt wna
.: Anna :.
05-02-06, 08:07 PM
ahhh we had this topic and SOME of us :crying:. *sniffs*
Anna couldnt you remove this and bump the other one, i dont wana go through all this again :(:crying: *wipes snot on annas shoulder* :pewww sis i dnt wnt ur yucky snot thanks :p
erm i dno where the other topic is :S if u bump it i will merge ia
Al-Irhaab
05-02-06, 08:07 PM
i know man we had this topic.. it went a bit haywire though and was closed :rolleyes: and no it wasnt my fault :D
There's a thread on this in Sis section.
i know man we had this topic.. it went a bit haywire though and was closed :rolleyes: and no it wasnt my fault :D
woo find the thread i want to read the fights :D
:wswrwb:
Well hmm in an indeal world and if i had money id live close to my parents like on the same road or in the same area. Now adays the house prices are sooo high aswell its very difficult to buy a house initially...So initially probably with parents and then inshaAllah once ive saved enough then seperate.
MalikOne™
05-02-06, 08:14 PM
As abdusamad said once, your marrying the woman/man not the in-laws....
but still u gotta take them in2 consideration cos they're gonna be important to your other half.
and frm my point of view if I get married when im 24 and above id find a place of my own, but if you get married younger id prefer to stay with my rents.
alburaq
05-02-06, 08:17 PM
As abdusamad said once, your marrying the woman/man not the in-laws....
but still u gotta take them in2 consideration cos they're gonna be important to your other half.
yea, and when your marrying your husband/wife, you also accept your in-laws :up:
Niqaabi
05-02-06, 08:20 PM
heres the link
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70493&highlight=inlaws
im not talking about fobs :crying:
heres the link
http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?t=70493&highlight=inlaws
Yeah tht topic is abit different..
Salman Al-Farsi
05-02-06, 08:33 PM
I dont have probs in living with in-laws as long as she is the only daughter.
Al-Irhaab
05-02-06, 08:34 PM
theresa couple more about in laws and housing etc.... and i repeat i did not cause the fights in there... i repeat it wasnt my fault... :rolleyes:
muslimah85
05-02-06, 08:34 PM
i remember this topic :p
I like my privacy, im quite upfront about that, living seperate with my spouse would be my preference, but with this in mind i would like to live somewhere close so to my husbands parents so that we would be able to care and help them. Living alone with your spouse your able to bond much more differently.
However if for financial resons or a situation where they were unable to look after themselves or in need of constant help etc without hesitation i would move in with them viceversa as to look after and care for them isnhallah
Whats the point if we cant do that, both his parents and my own have brought us up and cared for us and its the least we can do in a situation.
I think its down to individual couples. My parents are both very young and extremly independant.They would never want us to stay with them or vice versa as a matter of privacy and independance. My mother often tells me to move far away when i get married :p and being in each others pockets can cause divisions .
alburaq
05-02-06, 08:35 PM
I dont have probs in living with in-laws as long as she is the only daughter.
Yeah but what "probs" would there be if she wasn't the only daughter?
Saeedujana
05-02-06, 08:36 PM
as salaamu alaikum,
considering that in my family we have 4 brothers, 1 sister and both our parents, there really isn't much room for another person. on top of that my own room barely fits me, let alone a wife and all her things.
personally i would rather work longer hours and be able to get us proper accommodation, wherein both her and i can freely do as we please.
on top of that i know i can be quite jealous. i would not approve of my wife talking to my brothers, and any other man for that matter (except obviously her mahrum's). nor will i take kindly to anyone trying to tell her what she can and cannot do.
but since i am not marry, all this is only an 'educated' guess.
ma'asalaama
saeed
Al-Irhaab
05-02-06, 08:36 PM
I dont have probs in living with in-laws as long as she is the only daughter.
:rotfl:
especially if he was fedded....
MalikOne™
05-02-06, 08:39 PM
Still tho i wudnt mind living with the in-laws as long as they give you the respect and privacy you need, it'd be kinda fun getting to know them I guess, cos they're gonna be important to ur other half, so if u are close or get along with them it'd mean alot to your partner.
Al-Irhaab
05-02-06, 08:42 PM
most bros aint got a problem living with the inlaws... its living with the wife they find the difficult bit :rolleyes:
alburaq
05-02-06, 09:00 PM
most bros aint got a problem living with the inlaws... its living with the wife they find the difficult bit :rolleyes:
haha very funny.........................but i think the difficult bit is living with the husband............it would be like a war :boom: :bangbang:
Al-Irhaab
05-02-06, 09:10 PM
haha very funny.........................but i think the difficult bit is living with the husband............it would be like a war :boom: :bangbang:
are u a sister :rubeyes:
most bros aint got a problem living with the inlaws... its living with the wife they find the difficult bit :rolleyes:
the question was how many bros plan on moving out after marriage? :smack:
par bhi nahi sakte kambakht
Saeedujana
05-02-06, 09:16 PM
the question was how many bros plan on moving out after marriage? :smack:
par bhi nahi sakte kambakht
yes, i was a little confused with some of the brothers responses. maybe they are getting a little too in touch with their feminine side, allahu alim.
humaray cusion de chaadi mey kusreh naachde reheh.
ma'asalaama
saeed
Al-Irhaab
05-02-06, 09:20 PM
the question was how many bros plan on moving out after marriage? :smack:
par bhi nahi sakte kambakht
kambakht ho gai shiah or un kay dost
wotever
kambakht ho gai shiah or un kay dost
wotever
dont whatever me, answer the question
apne aap ko samajta kya hai? apni aukaad me reh beta
Al-Irhaab
05-02-06, 09:30 PM
dont whatever me, answer the question
apne aap ko samajta kya hai? apni aukaad me reh beta
well duh its not like i know all the bros is it... im already moved out so would i have to move out again :confused:
hai aap ko kisi nai sikaya nahi baro sai kasiay baat kartay hai... shia sai pooch lo meri aukad... mai un ko taba kardayta hu
Al-Mujaddidah
05-02-06, 10:07 PM
Nope..don't have a problem with it..
:salams,
I would like to move out after I get married inshaAllah, but thats cos I got too many bros in my house, if I was only son then maybe I would stay, however I would like to live in the same city at least, if not the same town.
Woulnd't even mind living in some little dingy 1 bedroom flat as long as I could afford it, plus any house that I (along with my wife) move to will be the best house regardless how small/cheap it looks :D
build a granny annexe, put yo wife in der. Innit.
You know, a wife can leave you if she's not digging living with the in-laws. So say schools of Fiqh. Be careful.
SoulAsylum
05-02-06, 10:53 PM
build a granny annexe, put yo wife in der. Innit.
You know, a wife can leave you if she's not digging living with the in-laws. So say schools of Fiqh. Be careful.
Or put her in the shed in the garden or build an extension with living quarters exclusively for her.
personally i wouldnt have a problem living with the in laws!!
Niqaabi
05-02-06, 11:43 PM
im not talking about fobs :crying:
you gotta read on, it gets deeper then that :p
Niqaabi
05-02-06, 11:57 PM
Id say im very different from most sisters.
I actually dont mind living with the inlaws, i think it will be a party. Me and mu mummy inlaw going shopping, doing her hair, sitting and talking eating paan :p
I like the whole extended family, so long as it just me hubby hubby's sisters and the mama and pops. No brother in laws :nono:
Also, i wouldnt mind living with my hubby's second wife either. Like i dont want to strain him by getting him to pay for all these houses. I mean, if She wants a different house away from his mum and dad then id prolly just make it easier on him by moving in with his parents.
Also i keep thinking about the amount of money that will be spent on renting out 3 houses :S it could go on better things then houses.
Black_Flag
06-02-06, 09:30 AM
i wudnt live with my in-laws
Al-Irhaab
06-02-06, 10:34 AM
i wudnt live with my in-laws
lucky for your in laws innit :rolleyes:
Id say im very different from most sisters.
I actually dont mind living with the inlaws, i think it will be a party. Me and mu mummy inlaw going shopping, doing her hair, sitting and talking eating paan :p
I like the whole extended family, so long as it just me hubby hubby's sisters and the mama and pops. No brother in laws :nono:
Also, i wouldnt mind living with my hubby's second wife either. Like i dont want to strain him by getting him to pay for all these houses. I mean, if She wants a different house away from his mum and dad then id prolly just make it easier on him by moving in with his parents.
Also i keep thinking about the amount of money that will be spent on renting out 3 houses :S it could go on better things then houses.
:rubeyes: did i read that right? you wouldnt mind living with hubby's second wife??
damn you are brave :rubeyes:
Al-Irhaab
06-02-06, 01:11 PM
:rubeyes: did i read that right? you wouldnt mind living with hubby's second wife??
damn you are brave :rubeyes:
so is he
:rotfl:
chaar biwiyah 100 bachay aur sab ayk ghar mai ... mirpuri mubarak
Saeedujana
06-02-06, 01:21 PM
as salaamu alaikum,
[lol] @ "chaar biwiyah 100 bachay aur sab ayk ghar mai ... mirpuri mubarak"
i don't understand, so some of the brothers here wouldn't mind living with their in-laws i.e. in their wife’s parents house, with her family?
how can you expect your wife to respect you if you do such a thing.
this is ajeeb, i'd rather live on the streets, and send my wife to her family, then to live with her family. obviously it's different when it's just to visit them as a guest for a few days.
ma'asalaama
saeed
Kaaju Barfi
06-02-06, 01:44 PM
:rolleyes:
lucky for your in laws innit :rolleyes:
Black_Flag
06-02-06, 01:44 PM
lucky for your in laws innit :rolleyes:
oooooohhh thats harsh man! u evil child...
Al-Irhaab
06-02-06, 01:53 PM
oooooohhh thats harsh man! u evil child...
the likle green man made me do it :embar:
Black_Flag
06-02-06, 01:55 PM
shoot the lickle green man! and for ur rudeness, i think u shud apologise and rep me!
Al-Irhaab
06-02-06, 01:57 PM
shoot the lickle green man! and for ur rudeness, i think u shud apologise and rep me!
ill rep u cus u trying to emotionally black mail me.... which is a good trick to learn :rolleyes:
Black_Flag
06-02-06, 01:59 PM
oh u feel guilty now do u bro? good! thts wht sisters are good @!
Al-Irhaab
06-02-06, 02:05 PM
oh u feel guilty now do u bro? good! thts wht sisters are good @!
i dont feel guilty... but cus ur ung im making sure ur getting rewarded for effort and then ull get better and better... so then ill be happy thinking im not the only one that gonna get emotionally blackmailed by my wife... there gonna be another poor guy out there whos getting the same thing... :rolleyes: and that will help ease the pain.... :D
Black_Flag
06-02-06, 02:09 PM
my god ur such a total joker! honestly...emotional black mail is good....esp wen u want something!
hope ur wife dsnt do it 2 u often and hey it can work on us sisters too...try it some time!
Kittles
06-02-06, 10:20 PM
:embar: That thread on the sisters forum could be mine....
Like Anna, I'm living with my in-laws at the moment while we finish building our house. I reckon we're about 18 months away from moving in, although it does have water now, so some days it's tempting.
I get on really well with my in-laws - they respect my privacy and since I've moved in I've tried to help around the house and farm. My major problem is with my sister-in-law to be. Nick's brother is not married to this girl, but she's still over here all the time, treating the place like a hotel.
So, it's difficult, but not impossible. I just stay out of this girl's way, and occasionally vent my fury on the sister's forum, where all my sisters listen patiently and then cheer me up. Gotta be worth a try!
:embar: That thread on the sisters forum could be mine....
Like Anna, I'm living with my in-laws at the moment while we finish building our house. I reckon we're about 18 months away from moving in, although it does have water now, so some days it's tempting.
I get on really well with my in-laws - they respect my privacy and since I've moved in I've tried to help around the house and farm. My major problem is with my sister-in-law to be. Nick's brother is not married to this girl, but she's still over here all the time, treating the place like a hotel.
So, it's difficult, but not impossible. I just stay out of this girl's way, and occasionally vent my fury on the sister's forum, where all my sisters listen patiently and then cheer me up. Gotta be worth a try!
aww lol atleast u only got 18months left
just avoid her as much as possible :up:
Kittles
06-02-06, 10:33 PM
aww lol atleast u only got 18months left
just avoid her as much as possible :up:
Yeah...a lot of my prayers at the moment are along the lines of "PLEASE let the house be finished soon!"
.: Anna :.
07-02-06, 10:47 AM
Yeah...a lot of my prayers at the moment are along the lines of "PLEASE let the house be finished soon!"lol insha allah :love: :)
Having your spouse live with you and your parents (the woman) is slightly weird to fathom. If circumstances were such that you would need to (e.g. parents suffer from ill health, no other care was available, or care was inadequate - (because they are so utterly useless and a waste of space :rolleyes: ) ) then, IMO, would having your husband live with you be an option to consider and come to terms with.
In general the order of things are, you marry him, you move out and go stay with him (own housing/in-laws), however it doesn't mean to say it is fixed and unchangeable.
I would not like to live with my in-laws...adjusting to married life and living with your husband would be hard enough, let alone having to adjust to living with a few other people who lets be honest, you really dont know what they are like....its too much pressure...you've got some husband to deal with now, no mum to cook for everyone any more...all thats up to YOU, and your mother in law probably got her rating cards 1-10 ready to score you on everything, how good your cooking is, how often you smile, how much effort you put in to dressing nice :S....forget that.... and theres also the issue of lack of privacy, I really would HATE it....but thats my personal view....
Mohammed_123
08-02-06, 10:46 AM
and again no comment :-)
Not wanting to live with inlaws, does not mean you do not respect or love your inlaws.
Personaly i would prefer not to, as i am a lady whom likes her space, living with my in laws, hmm i would feel i am being watched to see whether or not am a suitable wife for the man i marry (if i marry). call it a paranoia.
I think most in laws are great depending on their level of iman of course. when iman is weak, problems can arise.
Often u find the mother and the wife, battleing out to see whom is the major woman in the mans life, i think its ridiculous, there is no need for wife and mother 2 compete. both are dear to the husband for different reasons, and at times for the same reasons. once this fundamental fact is understood by both sides, i think they can get along better.
Most inlaw rivalry comes when this fact is not bought to surface.
peace
Typical indian
08-02-06, 10:01 PM
I vant to live vid my vifes family
Le Croyant
09-02-06, 11:15 AM
as salaamu alaikum,
[lol] @ "chaar biwiyah 100 bachay aur sab ayk ghar mai ... mirpuri mubarak"
i don't understand, so some of the brothers here wouldn't mind living with their in-laws i.e. in their wife’s parents house, with her family?
how can you expect your wife to respect you if you do such a thing.
this is ajeeb, i'd rather live on the streets, and send my wife to her family, then to live with her family. obviously it's different when it's just to visit them as a guest for a few days.
ma'asalaama
saeed
brother it depends on the situation. I have seen cases whr the wife has no brother and there's no one to take care of her parents. And many times these brothers parents have passed away.
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