View Full Version : How would u handle this sisters?
So sisters what would you do if your Husband was spending too much time out with friends? And youd told him not to go out that much but still he wouldnt listen :p
What would you do to stop him from ever going out late again :D
My brother in laws mum did summin that worked :p will write tht after seeing your suggestions :p
i would : :torture:
:p What if that dont work...
sunrise
28-01-06, 09:50 PM
As salam ou lakoum
Umm inshALlah before the wedding in our marrige contract i would suggest ya3nee that we save some time to eachother every week and that he does not take the **** by spending too much time with his friends..
If i found myself in this situation and i hadnt made this pre- nuptial agreement..i would hope inshAllah me and him had a strong relationship and we respected eachother so i would tell him how i felt and inshAllah ask him nicely if he would respect me by not neglecting his family...
And hey if that didnt work i would probarbly bin his phone so he couldnt contact them...lol
(Joking)
Sunrise
I wanna hear what ur brother in laws wife did!! ( or whoever it was, sorry i 4ogt )
id try a couple of times to tell him , he is hurting my feelings, if that didnt work, i would let him turn the living room into a real boys room for wen he wants them to come round, (playstation, loadsa food (me cooking :p , him washing up after ) and tell him,to invite them round adn that there is no need ot go out now is there??!! :D
if that still didnt work (man this guy is stubborn!) on the days he isnt out with his mates, id make sure wen he comes hmoe, my mates are sitting with me, till the early hours and see how he likes it!
Walakumassalaam
What Mi brother inlaws mum did was
Her husband use to spend alot of nights out with friends (in pakistan) and he use to come back home really late. She told him afew times not to come back so late but he wouldnt listen.. So in the end one night she bolted the door from the inside and didnt let him inda house :p
He kept pleading to be let in but she wouldnt let him :p den inda end she said you have to promise me never to come back late again and he said yes anything just let me in. So she said okay... and opened a small window onda side of the house and told him if u can get urself through that you can come inot the house if not tonight ur sleeping outside :rotfl: He got stuck half way so she helped him and he never came back late since tht time :D
sunrise
28-01-06, 09:57 PM
As salama ou lakoum
Good one sis!!
Sunrise
Walakumassalaam
What Mi brother inlaws mum did was
Her husband use to spend alot of nights out with friends (in pakistan) and he use to come back home really late. She told him afew times not to come back so late but he wouldnt listen.. So in the end one night she bolted the door from the inside and didnt let him inda house :p
He kept pleading to be let in but she wouldnt let him :p den inda end she said you have to promise me never to come back late again and he said yes anything just let me in. So she said okay... and opened a small window onda side of the house and told him if u can get urself through that you can come inot the house if not tonight ur sleeping outside :rotfl: He got stuck half way so she helped him and he never came back late since tht time :D
and THAT is option 3 after the above two i listed!!
desperate times seek desparate ,measures!
sunrise
28-01-06, 10:02 PM
As salam ou lakoum
HEHEHHEHE bro good on her ...lol
Man i swear you brothers don't know how frustrating is it when we keep asking you for just one lil thing and you guys ignore us...but if we did we would see horns sprouting out..lol
Sunrise
marry someone who doesnt have no friends ;)
id try a couple of times to tell him , he is hurting my feelings, if that didnt work, i would let him turn the living room into a real boys room for wen he wants them to come round, (playstation, loadsa food (me cooking :p , him washing up after ) and tell him,to invite them round adn that there is no need ot go out now is there??!! :D
if that still didnt work (man this guy is stubborn!) on the days he isnt out with his mates, id make sure wen he comes hmoe, my mates are sitting with me, till the early hours and see how he likes it!
loll playing the guilt trip :p
Niqaabi
28-01-06, 10:05 PM
Id say:
Ya habibi, Fear Allah and the last day, for surely you dont want to be held accountable for the rights i have over you, the duties you are not carrying out.
I have a rights over you like your mother, your father, your sisters. Treat me as you wife and spend some time with me. I'm not the type of person to hold grudges but i know that my heart will.
Im not some toy you can pick up and play with then put down when you feel like it. Allaah has created me as your sahabi and has placed love and mercy between us, i am a human and i have feelings. Treat me like the pearl i am and dont go out with your friends so much.
And if that doesnt work and i really do get upset id prolly come with something like: If you dont have time for me or time to take care of your responsibilities then maybe you shouldnt have married me. And then to make him feel extra bad, id prolly cry a bit :crying: then say i want to go to my mum's house. <----- that would REALLY get to him :D muhahaha
ur_yusra
28-01-06, 10:05 PM
hmmm if my husband neglected me for his 'freinds' I would punish him by blanking him for a few days.. I'm sure it will take at least 48 hours for him to realise that there is something wrong (you know what men are like).. then eventually when he does realise I'l say your not spending enough time at home.. and if he doesnt listen then he can start learning how to sleep in the garden..
sunrise
28-01-06, 10:11 PM
As salam ou lakoum
My mate tried the silent treatment on her hubby it didnt work for the first day but 3 days later they had made a truce and i dont think he has ever disrespected her again
Sunrise
TinyTerror
28-01-06, 10:15 PM
Assalamualaikum
I would be overjoyed.
Wa Alaikumassalam
sunrise
28-01-06, 10:16 PM
u'd be over joyed at what?
TinyTerror
28-01-06, 10:18 PM
Assalamualaikum
So sisters what would you do if your Husband was spending too much time out with friends?
I would be overjoyed
Wa Alaikumassalam
loll playing the guilt trip :p
check plan A , the one above the "guilt trip" ;) he got it good id say!!
Kaaju Barfi
28-01-06, 11:05 PM
so you wud hate ur husband being around? :nono:
.: Anna :.
28-01-06, 11:07 PM
I think its best to try n explain to him probably, like Niqaabi said.
I would find it really horrible if my hubby did that :S
Niqaabi
28-01-06, 11:08 PM
Assalamualaikum
I would be overjoyed.
Wa Alaikumassalam
:rotfl: :p
Saeedujana
28-01-06, 11:16 PM
What Mi brother inlaws mum did was
Her husband use to spend alot of nights out with friends (in pakistan) and he use to come back home really late. She told him afew times not to come back so late but he wouldnt listen.. So in the end one night she bolted the door from the inside and didnt let him inda house :p
He kept pleading to be let in but she wouldnt let him :p den inda end she said you have to promise me never to come back late again and he said yes anything just let me in. So she said okay... and opened a small window onda side of the house and told him if u can get urself through that you can come inot the house if not tonight ur sleeping outside :rotfl: He got stuck half way so she helped him and he never came back late since tht time :D
as salaamu alaikum,
this doesn't work, not for me. from the age of 17-20 i've had this treatment, for something like 2-3 days a week. my parents where not too happy with me practicing islam, and the only people i knew and would go and meet up with to talk and learn about the deen would only meet up after 10pm. by the time we finished, i was home by 11:30, some times even 1am, that was the time when we went round sticking stickers all over london (and the uk) i.e. "who killed farhad usmanov." when i got home i ended up standing outside, be it cold, wet, raining and even pouring down i was there, outside standing on the same spot for up to and more than 5 hours. that’s a lot of contemplation. tell you the truth, i do miss the time i used to spend in self reflection.
i was/am a very stubborn person. but a wife comes before friends, and allah (swt) always comes before everything.
ma'asalaama
saeed
Muslim Sista
29-01-06, 12:30 AM
i wud lock the door, or hide the key s and tell him to make himslf comfy in the bak seat of the car or at a frends house, bt then agen its me that stays with ma frends most the tym so can't blame him lol
Emelianenko
29-01-06, 03:03 AM
please delete
Emelianenko
29-01-06, 03:04 AM
please delete
Al-Irhaab
29-01-06, 12:52 PM
Walakumassalaam
What Mi brother inlaws mum did was
Her husband use to spend alot of nights out with friends (in pakistan) and he use to come back home really late. She told him afew times not to come back so late but he wouldnt listen.. So in the end one night she bolted the door from the inside and didnt let him inda house :p
He kept pleading to be let in but she wouldnt let him :p den inda end she said you have to promise me never to come back late again and he said yes anything just let me in. So she said okay... and opened a small window onda side of the house and told him if u can get urself through that you can come inot the house if not tonight ur sleeping outside :rotfl: He got stuck half way so she helped him and he never came back late since tht time :D
if my wife ever did that to me ...:55: :spunch:
it would be one of two things... either first id tellher to go back to her parents and wait until she begs and begs and apologises and if she doesnt then id divorce her
or 2 id marry again :rolleyes:
wife got to know her place and locking the door on me aint her place.. especially in my house .. that aint happening.... me sleep outside... man if i had a fight with my wife and we werent sleeping in the same room id make sure id sleep in the my bed and she sleeps in the guestroom or sommet :rolleyes: stupid wife
Emelianenko
29-01-06, 01:00 PM
i tell u what ticks me offf SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i used to play on me PS2 in free time..and d mrs goes.."oi why u not looking at me for..why u not talking to me for..have u got tired of looking at me? u had enuff of me?" and stormed out...:eek3:
Al-Irhaab
29-01-06, 01:02 PM
i tell u what ticks me offf SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!
when i used to play on me PS2 in free time..and d mrs goes.."oi why u not looking at me for..why u not talking to me for..have u got tired of looking at me? u had enuff of me?" and stormed out...:eek3:
:rotfl: classic....
I'd wonder why he didn't want to be around me.
ur_yusra
29-01-06, 01:19 PM
a man who does such a thing is a fool and only deserves what he gets.. or on the other hand you could look at it like tiny terror.. good riddance.. personally I would just say.. you carry on what your doing ... I'm going away.. most possibly to my mums.. he can spend all the time he wants with his freinds after that.. I'll probs be catching up with my old mates that I havent seen for some time.. so its good for both of us, will do nothing for the marriage however but it seems he never really wanted to build a good relationship... aah well..
Al-Irhaab
29-01-06, 01:37 PM
typical paranoid over reaction :rolleyes: then the wife will go crying back to her husband.. after her dads given her some slaps and said get back to where u belong :rolleyes: she be like i love u... im so so sorry... ill never complain again plssss.... i wont ever do it again i love u....
Universal_Islam
29-01-06, 01:48 PM
I think, after i get married, my wife will never have such problem...:up:
I'm mostly a stay-home man...
Besides, my wife will be my first priority and I'll go out only with her ...;)
:inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
Al-Irhaab
29-01-06, 01:50 PM
I think, after i get married, my wife will never have such problem...:up:
I'm mostly a stay-home man...
Besides, my wife will be my first priority and I'll go out only with her ...;)
:inlove: :inlove: :inlove:
stop trying to suck up... just cus u went to sharjah university :rolleyes:
Emelianenko
29-01-06, 02:17 PM
a man who does such a thing is a fool and only deserves what he gets.. or on the other hand you could look at it like tiny terror.. good riddance.. personally I would just say.. you carry on what your doing ... I'm going away.. most possibly to my mums.. he can spend all the time he wants with his freinds after that.. I'll probs be catching up with my old mates that I havent seen for some time.. so its good for both of us, will do nothing for the marriage however but it seems he never really wanted to build a good relationship... aah well..
will do nothing for your marriage? couples who r in each others faces 24/7 isnt healthy for a marriage either. Give it a yr or so and theyll b bickering away at each other. BOTH the husband and wife should spend a bit of time with their freinds now and then also. Women who jump the gun do it just cus they think their not getting enough attention and let their mind and emotions run wild and THEMSELVES create probs in the marriage when they let their emotions get the better of them.
as salaamu alaikum,
...we went round sticking stickers all over london (and the uk) i.e. "who killed farhad usmanov." i was/am a very stubborn person. but a wife comes before friends, and allah (swt) always comes before everything.
ma'asalaama
saeed
I saw the stickers and always wondered who Usmanov was.
ur_yusra
29-01-06, 03:04 PM
will do nothing for your marriage? couples who r in each others faces 24/7 isnt healthy for a marriage either. Give it a yr or so and theyll b bickering away at each other. BOTH the husband and wife should spend a bit of time with their freinds now and then also. Women who jump the gun do it just cus they think their not getting enough attention and let their mind and emotions run wild and THEMSELVES create probs in the marriage when they let their emotions get the better of them.
yeh yeh... i totally agree..
It depends on your definition of "late". What you may consider late, your husband may think is a decent hour.
Just give him the keys. He can let himself in if he stays out til early hours of the morning :rolleyes:
The real problem is when his staying out late begins to affect his responsibilities. If he is still spending time with you, feeding you, clothing you etc, then whats the issue if he stays out?
No-one wants their spouse to be attached to them like a 3rd arm/leg 24/7.
typical paranoid over reaction :rolleyes: then the wife will go crying back to her husband.. after her dads given her some slaps and said get back to where u belong :rolleyes: she be like i love u... im so so sorry... ill never complain again plssss.... i wont ever do it again i love u....
That's quite dramatic
Universal_Islam
29-01-06, 03:34 PM
stop trying to suck up... just cus u went to sharjah university :rolleyes:
If you have read my reply to you in the other thread, I told you I attended American University of sharjah (AUS) not SU...;)
That's quite dramatic
very dramatic it sounds a bit :wacko:
:D
Think how you would feel getting slapped. More than likely the other person would also feel that way :rolleyes:
Saeedujana
29-01-06, 05:20 PM
I saw the stickers and always wondered who Usmanov was.
as salaamu alaikum,
farhad usmanov was a brother who was tortured to death in uzbekistan, by the ex-communist dictator, turned democratic dictator, islam karimov, who is a kaffir of jewish origin.
ma'asalaama
saeed
Walakumassalaam
What Mi brother inlaws mum did was
Her husband use to spend alot of nights out with friends (in pakistan) and he use to come back home really late. She told him afew times not to come back so late but he wouldnt listen.. So in the end one night she bolted the door from the inside and didnt let him inda house :p
He kept pleading to be let in but she wouldnt let him :p den inda end she said you have to promise me never to come back late again and he said yes anything just let me in. So she said okay... and opened a small window onda side of the house and told him if u can get urself through that you can come inot the house if not tonight ur sleeping outside :rotfl: He got stuck half way so she helped him and he never came back late since tht time :D
oh wow that worked? great!!
keep it in mind.
:up:
i suggest both the husband and wife shower more. It may help.
i would go out to my friends and come at home much later than him :)
Ar-Raya
30-01-06, 09:26 AM
I refuse to post my comments in a thread where the ppl believe the best way to make your spouse understand you is to either GET ONE OVER BY OUT DOING THEM...
by making a public show of them...or by not letting them in all night...
and then those that posted that they'd retaliate with violence...
I REFUSE...
But if u are coming home soo late and soo frequently that your wife thinks that you are neglecting her...(ie she's upset)...then you ARE NEGLECTING her and therefore your responsibilies as a husband ...
Isn't there a story of Someones wife going to the Caliph (i think it was Umar ra) and complaining that he wasnt spending enough time with her and that he spend all night in prayer...
So the Caliph went to this person and told him U are neglecting your wife surely she has rights over you...She came to me and told me u do not spend enough time with her...
But the man smiled and said...As a muslim i am allowed to have 4 wifes and that i should spend each night with a wife...
I only have 1 wife...so i spend 1 with her and the other 3 in prayer and remembrance of Allah ta'ala...
Realising that he could say nothing the Caliph said that everyman should spend at least one night out of every 4 with his wife...
*please forgive the way i have relayed this story...I have told it as it is from my memory and there might be mistakes in it...I seek forgiveness from Allah if i have said anything which is unintentionally not true*...
hmmm didnt i refuse to post in this thread...hmmm...oh well...*smiles*
muslimah85
30-01-06, 02:06 PM
any considerate husband who understands his duty towards his wife would not go out late regularly:S .when your married you shouldnt have the same free attitude as you had before
I wouldnt mind now and then as long as he didnt make a permanent thing of it ie 2-3 times a week., however as sr ebony stated its important for both the husband and wife to spend time with their friends or doing other things seperatly., 'absence makes the heart fonder' :p being in each others pockets can create friction.
Also communication is of key importance, talk to your spouse, explain to them how you feel, that youd be more comfortable he came home a little earlier, and that it is fine him spending time out but maybe he could cut it down a bit?
Also which husband would want to be out sooo late anyway and leave his wife at home alone?? :rubeyes:
Al-Irhaab
30-01-06, 02:19 PM
If you have read my reply to you in the other thread, I told you I attended American University of sharjah (AUS) not SU...;)
give me a link to the other thread man i lost it.... yeah the one with all the foreigners in isnt it... same thing man,... i know a couple of people from there... yusuf islam sung something didnt he when he came... and some people didnt like it...
abdusamad
30-01-06, 02:23 PM
:rotfl: :rotfl: Why are the brothers responding to the question?
Al-Irhaab
30-01-06, 02:26 PM
:rotfl: :rotfl: Why are the brothers responding to the question?
to educate the sisters as to some unwise policies :rolleyes:
The following series of events should occurr....sisters pay attention !!!
1) Horrible husband is spending too much time with his 'mates'..even though his wonderful wife has already asked him politely not to...
2) Wife takes this time to enjoy herself, I mean, the nagging husband is'nt around....invites her friends round, sister round, sisters friends round, sisters friends friends round, aunties round, auntie g's round....basically have a party
3) Husband gets jealous, reaslises his mates are nothing compared to his brilliant wife and mates are boring, misses his wife, also realises that she can make do and has more fun without him
4) Husband apologises to wife, and lovely wife accepts the apology..(even though she has fun without him...see the sacrifices us women make...)however she still has her occassional parties, puts extra mirch in the dinner, slaps him now and again....to make sure the husband does not prioritise his 'mates' over his wife ever again....EVER....did i say......EVER AGAIN......EVER
5) They live happily ever after...inshAlllah
simple??? yeh I thought so...
Niqaabi
01-02-06, 08:18 PM
i dont like some of these answers. there is a lack of hayah and adab and respect towards the spouse :(
Niqaabi sis....I was over-exaggerating, just joking.......lol....well hmmmmm kind of...
Niqaabi
01-02-06, 08:25 PM
:jkk: for that link sis.
marseille
01-02-06, 10:00 PM
Id say:
Ya habibi, Fear Allah and the last day, for surely you dont want to be held accountable for the rights i have over you, the duties you are not carrying out.
I have a rights over you like your mother, your father, your sisters. Treat me as you wife and spend some time with me. I'm not the type of person to hold grudges but i know that my heart will.
Im not some toy you can pick up and play with then put down when you feel like it. Allaah has created me as your sahabi and has placed love and mercy between us, i am a human and i have feelings. Treat me like the pearl i am and dont go out with your friends so much.
And if that doesnt work and i really do get upset id prolly come with something like: If you dont have time for me or time to take care of your responsibilities then maybe you shouldnt have married me. And then to make him feel extra bad, id prolly cry a bit :crying: then say i want to go to my mum's house. <----- that would REALLY get to him :D muhahaha
Wow!!! That brought tears to my eyes. I dont think you know how beautiful the 1st half was. Alhamdullilah, you have nice thoughts. Inshallah, you'll make a good wife
*IslamicGirl*
01-02-06, 10:09 PM
:start:
:salams
So sisters what would you do if your Husband was spending too much time out with friends? And youd told him not to go out that much but still he wouldnt listen :p
Seriously i'm so stumped, i don't know what to say or do in a situation. As violence is a no no. So i won't be at home sitting on the staircase with a baseball bat yet this sort of behaviour if it gets out of hand would be difficult to deal with if he continues to wander around with his frriends and gets out of his responsibilities.
Wallahu alim.
:salams
PaGaL~LaDo0
01-02-06, 10:20 PM
So sisters what would you do if your Husband was spending too much time out with friends? And youd told him not to go out that much but still he wouldnt listen :p
What would you do to stop him from ever going out late again :D
My brother in laws mum did summin that worked :p will write tht after seeing your suggestions :p
i wud kt im g0 ot bt id g0 ot chillin wid ma m8z w0oo0h0oo0 :D :hidban: if e cn d0 it i cn 2 wid kndo0 w0o0oh0o0o lo00oo0l
Reptile
01-02-06, 10:27 PM
So sisters what would you do if your Husband was spending too much time out with friends? And youd told him not to go out that much but still he wouldnt listen :p
What would you do to stop him from ever going out late again :D
My brother in laws mum did summin that worked :p will write tht after seeing your suggestions :p
well if i was in that situation i wouldn't really mind as long as he was spending enough time with me then i don't see what i should behave so posessively.....
niqaabi_18
01-02-06, 10:33 PM
if my husband ws spendin too much time wid his frnds and i told him not to n he still wouldnt listen then i would stop talkin2 him..ignore hm n all dat (i suppose he wouldnt care :rolleyes: but ohwell.......its worth a try)
marzipan
01-02-06, 11:28 PM
if my wife ever did that to me ...:55: :spunch:
it would be one of two things... either first id tellher to go back to her parents and wait until she begs and begs and apologises and if she doesnt then id divorce her
or 2 id marry again :rolleyes:
wife got to know her place and locking the door on me aint her place.. especially in my house .. that aint happening.... me sleep outside... man if i had a fight with my wife and we werent sleeping in the same room id make sure id sleep in the my bed and she sleeps in the guestroom or sommet :rolleyes: stupid wife:rubeyes:
Let Irhaab's post serve as a warning to any sister who may have even the vaguest interest in him. Face it akhi, you just wanna have your cake and eat it.
Btw pagal ladoo, I didn't understand your post. Can you translate the chavish back into English?
All you sisters out there. I'm pretty sure silent treatment doesn't work with guys. Guys tend to have a lifestyle and routine which they consider to be normal which may include being at work all day and going out with mates and ignoring the wife till bedtime. They usually don't figure out what's upsetting a woman till they're told (and I mean told not nagged- nagging will just encourage them to do what annoys you even more). See, I understand a thing or two about men. Dr Phil zindabad :p
Niqaabi
01-02-06, 11:31 PM
:jkk: for that link sis.
That was posted in the wrong thread :S
Niqaabi
01-02-06, 11:49 PM
Wow!!! That brought tears to my eyes. I dont think you know how beautiful the 1st half was. Alhamdullilah, you have nice thoughts. Inshallah, you'll make a good wife
Ameen to that! :D
if my husband ws spendin too much time wid his frnds and i told him not to n he still wouldnt listen then i would stop talkin2 him..ignore hm n all dat (i suppose he wouldnt care :rolleyes: but ohwell.......its worth a try)
sis niqaabi (woah that feels weird :S)
The silent treatment is the worst of its kind, i am not married but i have seen what the outcome is when spouses use this treatment to 'make their point'.
What couples need is communication. If he is out with his mates until the early hours and then when he returns home 'she' isnt talking to him, how is this problem going to be solved? Things dont fix themselves. People need to TALK to each other and explain their feelings without going into "me, me, me, i, i ,i" because there is no I in COUPLE :p.
If the sister is feeling unwanted then she should tell her husband how his social life is affecting her, and the brother shouldnt resort to "i am the man of the house, what i say goes otherwise i will divorce you or remarry!" astugfirullah all that shows is ignorance and cowardness that a man would play the '4 wives' card everytime he has an arguement with his wife or she tells him something he doesnt want to hear.
Communication, listening, talking through in a well manner will :insha: lead to a positive outcome, and :insha: also being able to understand your spouse will help the relationship mature.
Sometimes a guy needs to get out of the house and have some guy time, and the girl can use that time to 'doll' herself up when he comes home, or she can go out with her friends, see her family etc.
Also we should look back at how the companions were with their spouses, It is related that Salman Al-Farsi once visited Abu ad-Dardaa with whom the Prophet :saw: had joined him in brotherhood. He found Abu adDardaa's wife in a miserable state and he asked, "What is the matter with you."
"Your brother has no need of anything in this world*" she replied.
When Abu ad-Dardaa came, he welcomed Salman and gave him food. Salman told him to eat but Abu adDardaa said, "I am fasting."
"I swear to you that I shall not eat until you eat also."
Salman spent the night there as well. During the night, Abu ad-Dardaa got up but Salman got hold of him and said:
"O Abu ad-Dardaa, your Lord has a right over you. Your family have a right over you and your body has a right over you. Give to each its due."
In the morning, they prayed together and then went out to meet the Prophet, peace be upon him. The Prophet supported Salman in what he had said.
I think I can see why some of the young men here are single :p
I'll let you in on a little secret...marry a woman that can be your best friend...then you have the best of both worlds :D
Emelianenko
02-02-06, 03:17 AM
I think I can see why some of the young men here are single :p
I'll let you in on a little secret...marry a woman that can be your best friend...then you have the best of both worlds :D
Exactly dude :p these women man! :p u can break ur back for em and they still yap away :p :p theirs no pleasing them :p
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